Requesting a single room for a corporate conference, details inside

August 31, 2015 12:05 AM

I am considering requesting a single hotel room for an upcoming week long conference due to anxiety/insomnia. I’m required by my employer to obtain a doctor's note with information supporting my request if I do. Therefore, I'm trying to understand the pros and cons, professionally and otherwise, so I can evaluate my options.

Currently they are:
1. submit all the necessary documentation to HR and hope that things work out fine
2. decline the conference altogether
3. pay the difference for me to have a private room, at least offer to do so
4. suck it up and share the room
5. arrange my own accommodation at an alternate hotel, which will not be reimbursed as per policy

My main concern with option #1 would be the incremental risks of discrimination, stigma or other possible negative repercussions by disclosing to my employer that I am coping with a psychological condition. I work as an analyst at a Fortune 500 company, in a competitive, fast moving, high stress job, and don’t know what to do if HR or any part of the company decides to treat this information against my best interests. On the other hand, I find the benefits of having space to recompose myself and minimizing sleep disruptions worth contemplating fighting for.

Option #2 is not a major disappointment for me at all as my personal ROI of going to this specific conference may very well be lower than not going due to lost productivity and comfort over having to deal with shared accommodations. I also happen to be blind, and having to rely on others for navigation while there further reduces my ROI.

RE option #3 company policy states they would only be able to provide single rooms for those with medical exceptions.

Option #5, if anything, is a dominated one (ie not really an option) for the above mentioned navigation challenges.

I would really appreciate people’s perspectives on the five options (or any others) above, particularly pertaining to any major arguments for or counterpoints I may not have thought of.

Bonus: This is completely offtopic, but I am also looking for mentors within the company I work at with similar needs. In that context I’d want to leverage this opportunity of having to share my medical needs, if I’m disclosing to any part of the company at all. Thought I’d share this in case it matters to people providing their thoughts.

Thanks!

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (17 answers total)

Play the blind card. Leave out any mental health concerns and simply explain that, because of your lack of vision, you need a room to yourself because sharing a room with someone who is not familiar with living with a blind person is a health and safety risk. Tell your boss that you must have a space to unwind at the end of the day where you don't have to worry about someone leaving a bag on the floor that could trip you. It would also be reasonable for you to request that your spouse or a trusted friend travel with you at the company's expense to be your helper in getting around a new environment.
posted by myselfasme at 12:18 AM on August 31, 2015 [41 favorites]

RE option #3 company policy states they would only be able to provide single rooms for those with medical exceptions.

I also happen to be blind, and having to rely on others for navigation while there further reduces my ROI.

I agree with myselfasme. Your company should have no problem at all giving you the OK because you have a medical exception (being blind and needing help with navigation). I would not talk about the mental health issues first, but go with the obvious. You may not even need a doctor's note for the blindness if they've already got that on record in HR.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:24 AM on August 31, 2015 [5 favorites]

To clarify: by obvious I mean, the medical issue you've already disclosed to your employers, because I am assuming they already know you're blind.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:27 AM on August 31, 2015 [3 favorites]

I would not choose to disclose private medical information to my employer just to get a single room at a conference. And I would absolutely refuse to share a room with a coworker on the basis that I'm a grownup and I want my own personal space, which is an absolutely normal thing that doesn't mean I'm weird, it just means I have a personal preference. I went through this with one employer early in my career who made us share rooms on conferences to get to know each other better. I find it intrusive and obnoxious and I vowed I would never do it again. However I also have some sympathy for the employer who presumably is trying to send as many people as possible on a career-enhancing conference and wants to control costs.

For me the options would be either 3 or 5. I know it's expensive, but it's a small price to pay for privacy, dignity and comfort. And if they don't accept 3, then you can smile and say "Thanks, then, I'll make my own accommodation arrangements" and stay wherever you want.

On a re-read: first time through I missed that you are blind. I don't want to be insensitive, but it seems like you should qualify for accommodations on this head - maybe you don't want to ask for it? I'm not blind but as a manager it would be easy for me to understand that you might need a quiet private space after processing so much aural information all day in a strange setting; also that you might be super sensitive to the sounds of someone else in a shared room. I would understand if you didn't want to go down this route but otherwise this seems like it is a no-brainer. But if not, you should revert to the whole "I'm an adult and I prefer not to share a room" argument above.
posted by yogalemon at 12:27 AM on August 31, 2015 [13 favorites]

One of my friends, who is blind, strongly prefers not to share sleeping space with others when we go away, because it reduces her ability to know what is on the floor (suitcases, clothes, shoes) and increases the chances that she'll trip on our crap.

If you want an Internet stranger's permission to play the "blind card" and not disclose your mental health issues, you have my blessing.
posted by third word on a random page at 3:48 AM on August 31, 2015 [3 favorites]

If you don't want to "play the blind card" then I would focus on the insomnia, since there are relatively few stigmas attached to insomnia.
posted by lunasol at 4:46 AM on August 31, 2015 [4 favorites]

Yeah, plus you could spin insomnia as a positve, implying you wake up and do work in the middle of the night and wouldn't want to bother someone else.
posted by salvia at 5:35 AM on August 31, 2015 [3 favorites]

I would ask your doctor to write a note saying that as you are blind, you need to be in a room alone. They already know you're blind, so you're not adding more info. It's also possible -- I don't know what the HR policies are -- that your doctor can say "due to documented medical conditions, X cannot share a hotel room", without specifying what the medical conditions are.
posted by jeather at 5:37 AM on August 31, 2015 [8 favorites]

The fact that you are blind is presumably obvious or documented already. The reasons for wanting your own room when blind are extremely apparent after explanation. You should inquire with whoever makes the decision about this on whether you really need a note from a physician. Requiring that wastes your time, money, and the physician's time. Their general policy may require a physician's note for various reasons but it would be dumb to insist on it here.

As an aside, it would be great if people stopped referring to requesting reasonable accommodation for a disability as "the blind card". That was not terminology used by anonymous.
posted by grouse at 5:44 AM on August 31, 2015 [3 favorites]

Can your doctor write a generic note? Something like, "Due to medical reasons, anon requires a single hotel room for upcoming conference on X date."

Is HR requesting specific details regarding your medical condition?
posted by joeyjoejoejr at 6:46 AM on August 31, 2015 [2 favorites]

Just as an FYI, in my experience, this is a really unusual policy for anything other than a non-profit. As in, this would be a dealbreaker for me, as a non-super-picky person, if I learned this before I took a job. And I would be pretty salty about it in a non-profit. This is work, not summer camp, and you are entitled to be treated as an adult. Hope that bolsters your sense of realistic entitlement.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:44 AM on August 31, 2015 [9 favorites]

Oh golly, yes, play the blind card.

As a bit of anecdata, I have organized a conference that required one night staying in a fairly pricy conference center. The organization made the decision (above my (non) pay grade) to budget for about 12 rooms for about 18-20 people, which IMO is the worst of all possible organizational worlds, because now it's pretty obvious to everyone (inevitably) that SOME will not have to share rooms, but SEVERAL will.

(my recommendation for following years, which probably was not heeded: raise the fee for this non-profit excursion maybe $50 so you can just budget for rooms)

I do not know your gender, and if the following anecdote bothers anyone because it's based on gender assumptions - I apologize, and it bothers me too, but I did run into this:

My discovery was that 50% or so of the women expressed some reservation about sharing a room (generally couched in terms of some problem like insomnia, use of a CPAP, etc), while the other half varied from resigned-to-even-enthusiastic about having a roommate (generally if they had a good friend in the group).

100% of the men (which was about 40% of the group) squicked. To the extent that one said he would drive two hours round trip again to finish out the conference, and another said he would pay for a room, which otherwise would have been at no additional cost. I mean, I pushed and prodded, because i felt there was a bit of subtle gender discrimination at play if I just slotted all the men first before "calling for volunteers" among the women, and if the pushback rate could have been 150%, I believe it would have. In the end I made everyone as happy as possible, but in the end all the men got rooms by themselves.

Moral: know going in that you will not be the only one pushing back, offering to pay the difference, considering not going, and playing whatever medical cards you have. And being blind is a very good, significant reason, because whenever I share a room with anyone they leave crap all OVER the place.
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:56 AM on August 31, 2015 [3 favorites]

Skip all the anxiety/insomnia issues (I am like you in that regard, I found that sleeping pills for traveling changed my life) and just focus on the already known visual one. You need the room to be a certain way in order to do the things you need to do. You can not rely on a stranger to do the things necessary to do the things you need (and don't/won't have time to basically train someone to make sure they don't do things that would endanger you in your own room), ergo you need a single room. Maybe in the future you can have a "conference buddy" roommate who you are comfortable sharing with and who knows how to accommodate your room needs but for now, no, I think I'd be going for #1 and have your doctor basically outline in a slightly plodding fashion "Anon needs a single hotel room due to documented medical conditions" I'd be really surprised if they would push on this particular thing. And I agree with witchen, it's standard for adult employees to not share rooms in most cases, so asking for this is not, to me, asking for a lot.
posted by jessamyn at 9:25 AM on August 31, 2015

I also vote #1: submit the paperwork to HR, do not offer to pay the differential, attend and get what you want out of this conference -- you work for a Fortune 500 company, and this shared room policy is ridiculous. Insomnia in people with blindness is pretty common (circadian rhythm issues, I think; a couple of relatives use melatonin to re-set their internal clocks in the absence of light cues). Insomnia doesn't have much of a stigma, so it is up to you how detailed you want your doctor be in the note. I like jessamyn's phrasing above, and the company will let you know if further information is needed (which I doubt). It's just the formality of having any doctor's note, however vague, on file.
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:50 PM on August 31, 2015

If you do the letter route, make sure that the doctor understands you do NOT want him/her include the reasons, just the conclusion. In other words, "For medical reasons, should be given a private room for sleeping when travelling on business trips" There is no reason for HR to know why - it is none of their business and a breach of confidentiality to tell them. All they need to know is that an doctor is officially telling them that there is a legitmate medical reason for doing it.
posted by metahawk at 1:51 PM on August 31, 2015

Seconding everyone else--in case you're still feeling like maybe you're asking for a lot, or being unreasonable: I work for an underfunded public postsecondary institution, and even we are never expected to share rooms when on work travel. Sometimes people will choose to share a room with a colleague who's also a good friend, but it would be considered an inappropriate expectation on the part of the employer to require it. If you work for a Fortune 500 company, they really ought not to expect employees to share hotel rooms for work travel...especially for a WEEK. Sheesh.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 2:33 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]

I just wanted to add that you're not being unreasonable at all. I'm horrified at the suggestion adult employees share rooms (this isn't camp). The only circumstances I'd consider that acceptable are if there was some major disaster such as a storm or similar leaving people stranded with limited accomodation in which case for sure pairing up is reasonable if the alternative is people being turned away or sleeping in the hallway. Especially as you are an "analyst in a fortune 500 company". It's not like they are putting all their pennies into saving the world.
posted by kitten magic at 5:05 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]