What happens when every kid in your child's class is a year or two older
August 27, 2015 12:49 PM Subscribe
Our son is entering first grade (public school in Minnesota, if that matters). We just got the new class assignments and it looks like literally every other kid in his class is a year or two older, obviously because their parents held them back a year, or more in some cases. How worried should we be?
Our son is on the younger side to begin with (end-of-summer birthday) so I think that this means that he is bound to always be behind on his physical and cognitive development - IF "behind" were defined as "perfectly normal for his age but forced to always be compared to kids a year or two older". (Please assume I am not exaggerating when I say "every kid is older by a year or two", our teacher confirmed this). Plus, his class is 75% boys.
Has anyone had experience with this? Should we be worried, both from developmental and emotional perspectives? Will he get beat up constantly when the older boys reach a certain age? Is there something we could/should do about this, and if not, what can we do to help him deal with always being last, physically and sometimes academically and/or emotionally?
P.S. I am especially worried because my brother skipped a grade on account of high academic achievement and I don't think that it was good for him.
P.P.S. I did not go through the US school system myself so I have no knowledge of how anything works but I did read a bunch of studies showing that kids get better test scores if they are older than the standard age.
Our son is on the younger side to begin with (end-of-summer birthday) so I think that this means that he is bound to always be behind on his physical and cognitive development - IF "behind" were defined as "perfectly normal for his age but forced to always be compared to kids a year or two older". (Please assume I am not exaggerating when I say "every kid is older by a year or two", our teacher confirmed this). Plus, his class is 75% boys.
Has anyone had experience with this? Should we be worried, both from developmental and emotional perspectives? Will he get beat up constantly when the older boys reach a certain age? Is there something we could/should do about this, and if not, what can we do to help him deal with always being last, physically and sometimes academically and/or emotionally?
P.S. I am especially worried because my brother skipped a grade on account of high academic achievement and I don't think that it was good for him.
P.P.S. I did not go through the US school system myself so I have no knowledge of how anything works but I did read a bunch of studies showing that kids get better test scores if they are older than the standard age.
My son has a mid summer birthday and is one of the youngest in his class. Academically, this has simply never been an issue - a lot of kids don't enter on time not because their parents are holding them back, but because they're simply not socially ready to go to school. (Our city also has a significant immigrant population, so I think a number of the oldest kids in his grade were likely not in the US when their 5th birthday rolled around.) (Also, he probably started school above about half his peers in terms of reading and general interest in learning.) In terms of sports and things, also not an issue. Art was an issue for one year but its evened out.
Interestingly, though, most of his friends are in the grade behind him, which is a little isolating during the school day.
Its normal in US schools to have a big variation in ages in a class, particularly in states where kids are not required to be enrolled in school until age 6. The absolute youngest kid in his grade was 4 when they started Kindergarten (mid September birthday) and the oldest was almost 18 months older. Now, as we head into fourth grade, its pretty much a non issue in terms or either academics or athletics. (That entered-at-4 kid is the elementary soccer club superstar.)
posted by anastasiav at 1:56 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Interestingly, though, most of his friends are in the grade behind him, which is a little isolating during the school day.
Its normal in US schools to have a big variation in ages in a class, particularly in states where kids are not required to be enrolled in school until age 6. The absolute youngest kid in his grade was 4 when they started Kindergarten (mid September birthday) and the oldest was almost 18 months older. Now, as we head into fourth grade, its pretty much a non issue in terms or either academics or athletics. (That entered-at-4 kid is the elementary soccer club superstar.)
posted by anastasiav at 1:56 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
October Birthday here.
In my state (NJ) the cutoff was September 30, but I was only a week past that. They didn't have room in the pre-K class so I was bumped up to Kindergarten, so I was always the youngest boy in my class. Academically I was fine, but I definitely felt behind socially: I got picked on a lot in elementary school, I was the last one to get a driver's license, which made dating... difficult, and in college I was the last one to turn 21, dooming to me to an entire summer of playing PS2 while my friends were out at bars.
If you're in a position to hold him back a year, do it. If not, well, good luck.
posted by Oktober at 2:09 PM on August 27, 2015 [5 favorites]
In my state (NJ) the cutoff was September 30, but I was only a week past that. They didn't have room in the pre-K class so I was bumped up to Kindergarten, so I was always the youngest boy in my class. Academically I was fine, but I definitely felt behind socially: I got picked on a lot in elementary school, I was the last one to get a driver's license, which made dating... difficult, and in college I was the last one to turn 21, dooming to me to an entire summer of playing PS2 while my friends were out at bars.
If you're in a position to hold him back a year, do it. If not, well, good luck.
posted by Oktober at 2:09 PM on August 27, 2015 [5 favorites]
My husband and brother were both youngest in their classes, with fall birthdays. I think it did affect both of them negatively (my husband got picked on and had to fight very nasty physical battles in junior high because he looked like an easy target when the other boys grew before he did; my brother's extreme academic intelligence was way ahead of his emotional intelligence and maturity, with all kinds of unpleasant repercussions.)
I also think that how a kid gets used to being perceived - at the head of the class, or as a straggler - gets formed early on and has repercussions for the rest of his life.
Does it have to be like this? Not at all. Could your boy be fine? Sure! But would I hold him back under these particular circumstances, if that is what every other family is doing? Yes I would.
posted by fingersandtoes at 2:10 PM on August 27, 2015 [3 favorites]
I also think that how a kid gets used to being perceived - at the head of the class, or as a straggler - gets formed early on and has repercussions for the rest of his life.
Does it have to be like this? Not at all. Could your boy be fine? Sure! But would I hold him back under these particular circumstances, if that is what every other family is doing? Yes I would.
posted by fingersandtoes at 2:10 PM on August 27, 2015 [3 favorites]
I can only tell you about my littler ears who will start 3rd grade in a couple of weeks. She is an end-of-the-summer kid and does fine academically, and gravitates to the kids who aren't so "worldly" (some kids had "boyfriends" in Kindergarten - and she wasn't - and still isn't - there at all). There are a number of "redshirt" kids (kids held back an additional year for whatever reason - emotional immaturity, hope they will academically/athletically be superior) in there who are a full year - 1.5 years older than she is, and she did complain for awhile that she was the youngest, that seems to have faded. I think that in the elementary years, you won't have a problem with a boy (the girl cattiness starts young!!!), and I cannot really speak to the older years yet. I think he'll be fine!
posted by lil' ears at 2:12 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by lil' ears at 2:12 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I'm a teacher and the parent of a kid whose birthday is 2 days before the cutoff, so he would have been the youngest kid in class if we didn't red-shirt him.
I can say that as a parent and professionally, when you've got a fair amount of red-shirted boys, then you probably do NOT want your kid to be the youngest boy by that extreme an age span.
Teachers generally teach to the middle more often than not and if the class is filled with kids who have a few years on him and who are developmentally more advanced, then you're likely to be setting your son up to fail. Sucks but it's true.
Nthing above to let him do Kindergarten again. You might regret him doing this extra year but I can guarantee later down the line, when he's struggling socially and academically in school you'll wish you had another year to be with kids his own age.
posted by kinetic at 2:17 PM on August 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
I can say that as a parent and professionally, when you've got a fair amount of red-shirted boys, then you probably do NOT want your kid to be the youngest boy by that extreme an age span.
Teachers generally teach to the middle more often than not and if the class is filled with kids who have a few years on him and who are developmentally more advanced, then you're likely to be setting your son up to fail. Sucks but it's true.
Nthing above to let him do Kindergarten again. You might regret him doing this extra year but I can guarantee later down the line, when he's struggling socially and academically in school you'll wish you had another year to be with kids his own age.
posted by kinetic at 2:17 PM on August 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
Can you swing another year of preschool if that's what he needs? Not that he necessarily needs it. Being younger per se doesn't cause problems, but is he significantly less developed in terms of ability to sit still, etc.? Kindergarten in this country has become extremely academic in the past couple decades, and so if he's not ready to start learning how to write and follow instructions, I would hold him back, especially since so many others are. The 75% boys thing is actually on your side, because girls develop faster and I'd be more worried if it were the other way around.
Sweden doesn't start formal education till age 6, and they do better academically than the U.S. I wouldn't worry about taking the year, again if he needs it and if it's not a hardship on your family.
posted by wnissen at 2:20 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Sweden doesn't start formal education till age 6, and they do better academically than the U.S. I wouldn't worry about taking the year, again if he needs it and if it's not a hardship on your family.
posted by wnissen at 2:20 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Or can you request a classroom change to a class with a more appropriate distribution?
posted by lil' ears at 2:20 PM on August 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by lil' ears at 2:20 PM on August 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
Best answer: My son is tiny, still the third smallest in 4rth grade, and nobody told us about the age differences when we were evaluating schools 5 years ago. He got in many fights with older kids that first year. Less the next year and none since we got him into martial arts with an instructor who has a very developed philosophy of violence. He talks his way out of things that could become fights now, knowing that he could take them if things get dark and that confidence is key to not getting in a fight. He's never used that on anyone at school, just me. Hell, he got through all my blocks and kicked me in the head last weekend when we were messing around.
He has also flunked a bunch of tests. He is not stupid, the tests are. I'm not just saying that because I think my kid is a special snowflake. I've read the government-mandated tests.
So what I am doing is to stop pretending that school and college are the way up. They might be for some people but that is looking increasingly doubtful. I think what made a huge impact on me and my sibling was the sheer amount of time we spent reading. Neither of us are particularly successful, but we stick our necks out for others and boy seems willing.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:23 PM on August 27, 2015 [4 favorites]
He has also flunked a bunch of tests. He is not stupid, the tests are. I'm not just saying that because I think my kid is a special snowflake. I've read the government-mandated tests.
So what I am doing is to stop pretending that school and college are the way up. They might be for some people but that is looking increasingly doubtful. I think what made a huge impact on me and my sibling was the sheer amount of time we spent reading. Neither of us are particularly successful, but we stick our necks out for others and boy seems willing.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:23 PM on August 27, 2015 [4 favorites]
Forgot to add:even if it's all good for a few years, when it's high school time, he'll be with kids who drive, kids who are probably much bigger than him will outperform him in most sports, kids who can get jobs, and then when it's college app time, he will be up against kids with much more impressive high school histories.
Seriously, hold him back if you can.
posted by kinetic at 2:33 PM on August 27, 2015 [5 favorites]
Seriously, hold him back if you can.
posted by kinetic at 2:33 PM on August 27, 2015 [5 favorites]
Best answer: This will depend a lot on the individual child.
My eldest son was skipped a grade, and was therefore the youngest in his class, at least a year younger than most kids — essentially your situation, but for different reasons. He was not small for his age (not especially large either, but above average) and cognitively ready; it worked out well — he had no social issues and was never the smallest or least developed, mentally or physically, in his class at any point. Now he has graduated college (summa cum laude and all that) and turned into a well adjusted happy adult, I can safely say that all the naysayers were wrong in his case.
That said, I do think your concerns are valid and worth paying attention to, but the conclusion will depend on your son and the specific circumstances. If he is 50th percentile for size, exactly where you would expect for age cognitively and socially, I would be hesitant to put him with the older kids, but, similarly, if he is largish and fairly advanced in other ways it could actually work out well.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 2:40 PM on August 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
My eldest son was skipped a grade, and was therefore the youngest in his class, at least a year younger than most kids — essentially your situation, but for different reasons. He was not small for his age (not especially large either, but above average) and cognitively ready; it worked out well — he had no social issues and was never the smallest or least developed, mentally or physically, in his class at any point. Now he has graduated college (summa cum laude and all that) and turned into a well adjusted happy adult, I can safely say that all the naysayers were wrong in his case.
That said, I do think your concerns are valid and worth paying attention to, but the conclusion will depend on your son and the specific circumstances. If he is 50th percentile for size, exactly where you would expect for age cognitively and socially, I would be hesitant to put him with the older kids, but, similarly, if he is largish and fairly advanced in other ways it could actually work out well.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 2:40 PM on August 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
I skipped a grade (5th) and in looking back at that, as an adult, I think it was detrimental to me socially. I was always just a bit more immature than my classmates, which gave me confidence issues. Whereas I was very confident in prior years. Academically it was not an issue, but overall it probably would have been better for me to stay in my grade and then take AP classes.
We have two boys, one with a later birthday (May) and getting set to enter kindegarten next year. If we found ourselves in your situation I think we would red shirt our son for a year. Confidence is so important in determining success (however you define success), and we wouldn't want him to feel like the odd-man-out.
posted by vignettist at 2:47 PM on August 27, 2015 [3 favorites]
We have two boys, one with a later birthday (May) and getting set to enter kindegarten next year. If we found ourselves in your situation I think we would red shirt our son for a year. Confidence is so important in determining success (however you define success), and we wouldn't want him to feel like the odd-man-out.
posted by vignettist at 2:47 PM on August 27, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Seeing the answers relating to high school, don’t forget that, unless your district is small (and assuming you haven’t moved somewhere else in the next eight years) the size of his first grade class and its particular group of students will be swamped by all the other students from other classes, so unless every class in your district is stuffed with red-shirted kids, your son will be entirely normal in age for his class at that point.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 2:48 PM on August 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 2:48 PM on August 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
I have an October birthday and so was always young - I started my undergrad at age 17, for example, without skipping any grade. I am also, however, a tall girl who has never not been among the tallest in my grade across all gender . That being said, I never experienced issues like above, such as competing against high schoolers with a car for jobs (never noticed that as an impact), I played no sports, I did extremely well academically, and despite being a deeply awkward and shy person I had friends and hobbies. I looked being young at certain times because it made my achievements seem more impressive. Like, this year I am going to be 26 and I will have an undergrad degree, an MA, and a law degree, and have plays sports intensively for six years in there somewhere. My age was never made an issue in a negative way and I never perceived it as such. Just another perspective to consider.
posted by hepta at 3:20 PM on August 27, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by hepta at 3:20 PM on August 27, 2015 [4 favorites]
I skipped grades in elementary school and was bullied a lot. This had more to do, though, with being marked out to everyone as kid-genius and with not being neurotypical. I don't remember kids who just happened to be younger or older being singled out for their age like that. I also work with kids on a semi-regular basis now and see way less of this kind of thing.
posted by thetortoise at 3:31 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by thetortoise at 3:31 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was frequently the oldest kid in my classes and performed well academically, but I was also a "late bloomer" and was always the shortest kid and looked (and probably acted) about a year younger than I was until 9th grade or so. There really isn't a great correlation between numerical age and physical, intellectual, or social maturity.
posted by hydropsyche at 3:51 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by hydropsyche at 3:51 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was younger than most of my elementary school classmates, for a combination of reasons. I came to see myself as small and weak. I mean innately; it was my mental self-image. You know what? -When you think of yourself as not (as) good at hitting the ball, you won't be able to hit the ball. You can't even speak up for yourself.
Then I went to a different school where they were more my age. I instantly became more confident, not only physically but verbally. It was like night and day. I shudder to think what I escaped, knowing now about incremental disadvantages and how they accrue. And at that age it's not even incremental.
posted by Rich Smorgasbord at 5:34 PM on August 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
Then I went to a different school where they were more my age. I instantly became more confident, not only physically but verbally. It was like night and day. I shudder to think what I escaped, knowing now about incremental disadvantages and how they accrue. And at that age it's not even incremental.
posted by Rich Smorgasbord at 5:34 PM on August 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think it just so depends on the kid. My husband turned 5 in late November of kindergarten. He turned out great - grad school, CPA, etc., but I think it was hard for him at the time, probably through high school.
The kid I grew up with (K-12 school, he came in 8th grade) who turned 5 in December of kindergarten was the star of our basketball team - confident, hot, sweet guy.
So, you know, kids, parents, circumstance. If I had to choose, I'd say keep him back. He can always do advanced work along the way, including community college classes in high school, if necessary.
posted by Pax at 5:46 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
The kid I grew up with (K-12 school, he came in 8th grade) who turned 5 in December of kindergarten was the star of our basketball team - confident, hot, sweet guy.
So, you know, kids, parents, circumstance. If I had to choose, I'd say keep him back. He can always do advanced work along the way, including community college classes in high school, if necessary.
posted by Pax at 5:46 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: So, counter example, but kids often learn from their peers, and I've noticed kids who are surrounded by slightly older kids, often picked up better social skills, than kids surrounded by slightly younger kids.
Opposite to the normal narrative, I should have been put up a year or two at school, but I wasn't, and worse, I was perhaps the oldest in my class. It was really, really distancing from my classmates. The books and activities and conversations I enjoyed were a couple of years above what my classmates were appreciating at that point, and that in addition to several outside factors meant I was alone and bullied. I very much wish I'd been put up a year or two. I'm pretty confident in my case it would have made it a lot easier socially. Go figure!
Kids have wildly varying heights and strengths. The shortest kid on my nephew's soccer team by a long way (8 years old) is also the oldest my a tiny amount, and the best soccer player.
So the point is not that you should definitely put your kid up, OR hold them back, but - see how they are doing! See how they are adapting, socially, intellectually, emotionally.
Make the decision based off what is best for your child, not what would have been best for me, or another mefite, or anyone else.
posted by Elysum at 6:09 PM on August 27, 2015 [4 favorites]
Opposite to the normal narrative, I should have been put up a year or two at school, but I wasn't, and worse, I was perhaps the oldest in my class. It was really, really distancing from my classmates. The books and activities and conversations I enjoyed were a couple of years above what my classmates were appreciating at that point, and that in addition to several outside factors meant I was alone and bullied. I very much wish I'd been put up a year or two. I'm pretty confident in my case it would have made it a lot easier socially. Go figure!
Kids have wildly varying heights and strengths. The shortest kid on my nephew's soccer team by a long way (8 years old) is also the oldest my a tiny amount, and the best soccer player.
So the point is not that you should definitely put your kid up, OR hold them back, but - see how they are doing! See how they are adapting, socially, intellectually, emotionally.
Make the decision based off what is best for your child, not what would have been best for me, or another mefite, or anyone else.
posted by Elysum at 6:09 PM on August 27, 2015 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I was the second- or third-youngest kid in my grade all the way through, and was a perennial front-row sitter (i.e. short). I was fine, but a) I am female, b) I was academically ahead of my classmates, and c) I wasn't afraid to hit back.
The combination of b) and c) meant that I was sort of intolerable, and also that I got in trouble pretty much constantly through 8th grade (in high school no one knew, or cared, how old I was).
I will also tell you that, in my experience, if things are rough for him socially but he is keeping up academically, you should keep him where he is and the social stuff will eventually work itself out. But you know your kid, and I don't.
YMMV. See how he does. First graders are relatively harmless, so if he has trouble there, you might want to reconsider. As a teacher I can tell you that it's not wildly unusual for kids in K or 1st to stay an extra year; beyond that, it'll feel more like being held back (and will be perceived that way by other kids).
posted by goodbyewaffles at 6:29 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
The combination of b) and c) meant that I was sort of intolerable, and also that I got in trouble pretty much constantly through 8th grade (in high school no one knew, or cared, how old I was).
I will also tell you that, in my experience, if things are rough for him socially but he is keeping up academically, you should keep him where he is and the social stuff will eventually work itself out. But you know your kid, and I don't.
YMMV. See how he does. First graders are relatively harmless, so if he has trouble there, you might want to reconsider. As a teacher I can tell you that it's not wildly unusual for kids in K or 1st to stay an extra year; beyond that, it'll feel more like being held back (and will be perceived that way by other kids).
posted by goodbyewaffles at 6:29 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
I skipped first and second grade so was two years younger than my classmates. After 6th grade we moved and I had to repeat 5th and 6th grade so I can only speak to elementary school. I would not recommend enrolling your son in a class where he would be younger than his peers. It was kind of a social nightmare for me and started me down a path of often feeling like I don't belong.
That said, I don't have any children and only you can assess your son's social skills, how much support the school will provide and the number of kids in the class who are of what age. Best of luck!
posted by bendy at 6:31 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
That said, I don't have any children and only you can assess your son's social skills, how much support the school will provide and the number of kids in the class who are of what age. Best of luck!
posted by bendy at 6:31 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
My son was an early January baby with the cutoff being December 31st. He was usually the oldest in his class. If your son is at all athletically inclined, he is at a significant disadvantage being much younger.
posted by AugustWest at 6:40 PM on August 27, 2015
posted by AugustWest at 6:40 PM on August 27, 2015
I'm not a fan of holding kids back.
One of our boys was the youngest in his kindergarden class (Canada, not US) and was put into a K/1 split class to amp up the age difference even more. He was smallish but not smallest, did fine academically, loved sport and play with the older kids. They all mature at different rates, home life has as much impact on development at that age as school and without an obvious warning flag I wouldn't consider
posted by N-stoff at 7:27 PM on August 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
One of our boys was the youngest in his kindergarden class (Canada, not US) and was put into a K/1 split class to amp up the age difference even more. He was smallish but not smallest, did fine academically, loved sport and play with the older kids. They all mature at different rates, home life has as much impact on development at that age as school and without an obvious warning flag I wouldn't consider
posted by N-stoff at 7:27 PM on August 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
I don't think it could hurt to at least find out if there are other first grade classrooms with kids who are a better fit for your son's age. It sounds like maybe they've lumped all the older boys into this one classroom and your kid get stuck in there with them for some reason? I mean, holding him back may turn out to be the answer, and I don't know how big your school is, but this one classroom may not be representative of his entire grade.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:16 PM on August 27, 2015
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:16 PM on August 27, 2015
I have a November birthday and was the third-youngest kid in my grade until I graduated at 17. I also topped out at 5'1, so I was the smallest kid in the grade pretty much my whole life. I took advanced classes, which in my district meant being pushed into the math/science/language class of the grade above yours, which for me meant taking classes with my older brother and his friends (he just loved that). But I never had a problem with any of that - in fact, it was a point of pride to me that I was the youngest, especially in the advanced classes, and was still getting better grades than the older kids. I know that socially things can be different for boys vs girls but the teachers did a pretty good job of shutting down any age-related nonsense pretty quickly.
My current district's age cutoff is two weeks before my daughter's birthday, but we're going to start her early, so she'll be the youngest. She's very bright, and we'd rather have her be a little challenged (and she's been in center-style daycare for a long time, so she's adjusted to a lot of that socially already) than have her be bored and disruptive or learn to hate school. I'd say go ahead and start him, and if you're starting to see problems, yes, a martial arts class is a great idea.
posted by SeedStitch at 6:14 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
My current district's age cutoff is two weeks before my daughter's birthday, but we're going to start her early, so she'll be the youngest. She's very bright, and we'd rather have her be a little challenged (and she's been in center-style daycare for a long time, so she's adjusted to a lot of that socially already) than have her be bored and disruptive or learn to hate school. I'd say go ahead and start him, and if you're starting to see problems, yes, a martial arts class is a great idea.
posted by SeedStitch at 6:14 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
So my kid was one of the youngest in his kindergarten class last year (June birthday) but he was so ready for school that it would have been terrible if we had held him back a year (to give an example, he was the only kid in his kindergarten class that could read and spent the entire year with the first graders for reading). He did not have any problems with any social related issues.
The key thing about your kid is that your kid is going into first grade, not kindergarten and, given that you signed him up for first grade, he obviously did fine last year in kindergarten. I think having to explain to him why he is being held back even though he did fine would be hard and demoralizing to him, especially if other kindergartners he knew moved up. If it was my kid, I wouldn't hold him back at this point, but I would schedule a meeting with the principal ASAP to try to get them to either move your kid or change the class distribution in general. Be adamant about the age differences in the class and the bad gender distribution. One of my friend's kid's ended up in a mostly boy class and the teacher had a lot of trouble keeping that class in line (not that boys are necessarily more poorly behaved but a lot of people believe that and have socialized their kids like that creating that sort of dynamic).
Good luck, I meet with my kid's first grade teacher in a week and I'm hoping his class ends up being a good one.
posted by katers890 at 6:18 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
The key thing about your kid is that your kid is going into first grade, not kindergarten and, given that you signed him up for first grade, he obviously did fine last year in kindergarten. I think having to explain to him why he is being held back even though he did fine would be hard and demoralizing to him, especially if other kindergartners he knew moved up. If it was my kid, I wouldn't hold him back at this point, but I would schedule a meeting with the principal ASAP to try to get them to either move your kid or change the class distribution in general. Be adamant about the age differences in the class and the bad gender distribution. One of my friend's kid's ended up in a mostly boy class and the teacher had a lot of trouble keeping that class in line (not that boys are necessarily more poorly behaved but a lot of people believe that and have socialized their kids like that creating that sort of dynamic).
Good luck, I meet with my kid's first grade teacher in a week and I'm hoping his class ends up being a good one.
posted by katers890 at 6:18 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: One of my sons has his birthday riiiight after the cutoff, and as a result he is among the smaller humans in his cohort (who are in 8th grade this year).
Because he started out with this group years ago, when they were all closer in size, they have only started to really pull away from him, size-wise, in the last few years. He recognizes this (and hates it), but as he is also among the smartest kids, he's not at the same disadvantage as if he had walked into middle school a foot shorter than everyone else and an academic equal.
So what I am saying is, the age difference might not be as much of a problem if they are all still little guys (and girls) right now: if your child is a leader or is smart or makes friends easily, his future size can be mitigated by strong social ties now. And while you are smart to be wary of this -- and to point it out to the teacher -- in the end it may not cause as much trouble as other factors could. *shrug*
posted by wenestvedt at 6:25 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Because he started out with this group years ago, when they were all closer in size, they have only started to really pull away from him, size-wise, in the last few years. He recognizes this (and hates it), but as he is also among the smartest kids, he's not at the same disadvantage as if he had walked into middle school a foot shorter than everyone else and an academic equal.
So what I am saying is, the age difference might not be as much of a problem if they are all still little guys (and girls) right now: if your child is a leader or is smart or makes friends easily, his future size can be mitigated by strong social ties now. And while you are smart to be wary of this -- and to point it out to the teacher -- in the end it may not cause as much trouble as other factors could. *shrug*
posted by wenestvedt at 6:25 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I've just come back from dropping my son off at college, so I've seen the age dynamic play out throughout K-12. My son has a February birthday BUT he also had developmental issues that caused social and emotional difficulties in school. Yes, the early grades were somewhat problematic. But everything really did work itself out and he does not remember much about the early years. He was completely ready academically; holding him back would have been devastating in that respect. I'm glad we kept him on track age wise.
On the other hand, I have a friend who red shirted his son and regrets it. The boy and my daughter are the same age but he is a year behind her in school. His son feels awkward about being old enough to be a sophomore but in freshman year; he has to explain it every time someone asks him why he is, for example, the only freshman in his class who has a temporary driver's license. He's had trouble making friends because he feels like the other boys are immature, and he's usually not challenged academically at all.
If your son is academically ready for first grade, I say keep him on track. I would be more worried about the gender distribution in his class than the age differences, to be honest. That alone would have me speaking with administration.
posted by cooker girl at 7:40 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, I have a friend who red shirted his son and regrets it. The boy and my daughter are the same age but he is a year behind her in school. His son feels awkward about being old enough to be a sophomore but in freshman year; he has to explain it every time someone asks him why he is, for example, the only freshman in his class who has a temporary driver's license. He's had trouble making friends because he feels like the other boys are immature, and he's usually not challenged academically at all.
If your son is academically ready for first grade, I say keep him on track. I would be more worried about the gender distribution in his class than the age differences, to be honest. That alone would have me speaking with administration.
posted by cooker girl at 7:40 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
October baby here as well. Other than not being able to drive when my friends did and starting college at 17, it wasn't a drama. Academically I did great, and athletically, I focused on single sports like gymnastics where my competition was based on skill not grade. It was fine and I really didn't have any issues.
I was teased and picked on a bit, but I think that had way more to do with being an overly smart and vocal child rather than my age. In high school, most of my friends were either in the grade ahead of me or the grade behind, mainly because they were the kids I hadn't seen every day of my life. The only real tweak was in college when guys would ask me out my freshman year and the would quickly discover that I wasn't 18 yet.
posted by teleri025 at 11:38 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was teased and picked on a bit, but I think that had way more to do with being an overly smart and vocal child rather than my age. In high school, most of my friends were either in the grade ahead of me or the grade behind, mainly because they were the kids I hadn't seen every day of my life. The only real tweak was in college when guys would ask me out my freshman year and the would quickly discover that I wasn't 18 yet.
posted by teleri025 at 11:38 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Just before starting school, I moved from an area where kids got sent to first grade at 6 to an area where 7 was the norm. It was only a few years after the German wall fell and many Eastern and Western Germans still hated each others's guts, which their children imitated. I was that young, small West German kids from Berlin in an area that hates Berliners anyway (and goes shopping in Berlin nonetheless...), with older parents and self-made clothes and too many questions and opinions.
Then, I skipped fourth grade. Now I was a younger, smaller, arrogant kid, because I freely answered to "why are you here?" with "I skipped a grade!" I was an easy target for the mean girls. Although I was precocious in many ways (hence the grade-skipping), I was also naive and innocent, and when the other girls started making out with boys, I fell behind. (I also thought boys at school were stupid.)
Obviously, a lot of that had nothing to do with age, but I was already smaller (I am still only 5''2 as an adult) and slightly behind in lots of things like popular culture, so being a year or two younger didn't exactly make things easier. Teachers were awful as well - in high school, my home room/French teacher wanted to show a movie with PG-16, and said "dang it, we have Loony - oh well, guess we have to blindfold you."
Low self-confidence followed me to university, but I was insanely popular in grad school before I quit, and am now pretty happy with my life. Probably also more successful than most people I went to school with. I'm not sure if my life had been very different even if I had started school a year later - well, maybe I wouldn't have been in the same class as that Alison DiLaurentis level sociopath girl (or I would if they'd made me skip two grades??), but I probably wouldn't have met my best friends and fiancé later in life if I had started uni etc. a year later.
Interestingly, my younger brother also started school earlier than his classmates, and even skipped first grade because I taught him a lot of things before he started school. (Not that he's grateful for that now...) He was also a very small child with the same overprotective parents, and suffered quite a bit in elementary school, but despite being a maths and computer nerd all through middle and high school (and now), he grew a lot taller and more muscular, was good at sports and insanely popular with the girls. I had younger kids at school come to me with "your brother is an ass, but he's so hot." (Yuck.)
I can't tell you which is the right choice. Maybe you can send him to school for a few weeks and see how it goes? If it doesn't work out, back to kindergarten.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 3:04 AM on August 29, 2015
Then, I skipped fourth grade. Now I was a younger, smaller, arrogant kid, because I freely answered to "why are you here?" with "I skipped a grade!" I was an easy target for the mean girls. Although I was precocious in many ways (hence the grade-skipping), I was also naive and innocent, and when the other girls started making out with boys, I fell behind. (I also thought boys at school were stupid.)
Obviously, a lot of that had nothing to do with age, but I was already smaller (I am still only 5''2 as an adult) and slightly behind in lots of things like popular culture, so being a year or two younger didn't exactly make things easier. Teachers were awful as well - in high school, my home room/French teacher wanted to show a movie with PG-16, and said "dang it, we have Loony - oh well, guess we have to blindfold you."
Low self-confidence followed me to university, but I was insanely popular in grad school before I quit, and am now pretty happy with my life. Probably also more successful than most people I went to school with. I'm not sure if my life had been very different even if I had started school a year later - well, maybe I wouldn't have been in the same class as that Alison DiLaurentis level sociopath girl (or I would if they'd made me skip two grades??), but I probably wouldn't have met my best friends and fiancé later in life if I had started uni etc. a year later.
Interestingly, my younger brother also started school earlier than his classmates, and even skipped first grade because I taught him a lot of things before he started school. (Not that he's grateful for that now...) He was also a very small child with the same overprotective parents, and suffered quite a bit in elementary school, but despite being a maths and computer nerd all through middle and high school (and now), he grew a lot taller and more muscular, was good at sports and insanely popular with the girls. I had younger kids at school come to me with "your brother is an ass, but he's so hot." (Yuck.)
I can't tell you which is the right choice. Maybe you can send him to school for a few weeks and see how it goes? If it doesn't work out, back to kindergarten.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 3:04 AM on August 29, 2015
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His age doesn't necessarily mean he'll be "last" in any of the developmental areas you mention - growth patterns are slightly different for every kid and a group born the exact same day would still be full of kids at all different developmental levels. On the other side of this, my sister is another end-of-summer birthday and my parents ended up having her start kindergarten at 6 because she just wasn't quite ready the previous year, despite being eligible. She also had a pretty good school experience and was a really social kid who was happy being friends with many of her younger classmates.
Overall, I don't think you need to be worried whichever way you choose. I think skipping a grade isn't an especially useful comparison here, because I think the social effects of moving a kid into a different age cohort after they've been in school a few years are pretty different than a kid starting school at an earlier age, with a bunch of other kids who are also just starting out. If your kid's preschool/kindergarten programs have indicated that he's ready for first grade, I would trust in their judgment and move ahead without worry.
posted by augustimagination at 1:18 PM on August 27, 2015 [1 favorite]