Sneaky motherfucking ninja spider up in my shit

June 30, 2015 1:11 AM

There seems to be a sneaky motherfucking ninja spider up in my shit, ie my bed/bedroom.

I'm not totally sure it's a spider because I've never seen it but It's been biting me about twice a night for the last week. I turn the lights on and goddamn ninja spider or poisonous nano-gremlin or something is just totally gone. And I have big red welts. Few night ago it got my face. Five minutes ago it got my side and thigh. Absolutely cannot detect it. Please help. What do I do in this stupid situation. Thank you.

posted by Edward Liveing, M.D. to Health & Fitness (10 answers total)

Best answer: If it's itchy, I had a mosquito problem recently and I found that IcyHot spray was the only thing that helped. And sleeping on the couch after waking up with bites in the middle of the night. If your windows are closed and it's not mosquitoes it could be bed bugs.
posted by bleep at 1:20 AM on June 30, 2015

Doesn't sound like a spider. Sounds much more like a mosquito. Close your windows. Those plug-in mosquito killers work pretty well (turn it on a few hours before you go to bed). And put Deet on yourself. Antihistamines and hydrocortisone cream for the welts.
posted by tinkletown at 1:20 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Update, you guys may be onto something; I just found this guy in my bed. Anyone know what this is?

http://m.imgur.com/RZiMdEl
posted by Edward Liveing, M.D. at 1:28 AM on June 30, 2015

Best answer: Yes, you have bed bugs :(
posted by pipeski at 1:36 AM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]

Best answer: Yeah, sorry, that's a bed bug.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 3:48 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Indeed, a bed bug. Unfortunately this pretty much requires getting an exterminator in, probably a couple of times. You should also start laundering anything you can at 60 degrees and, if you're not using it, immediately wrapping it up in a tightly-sealed garbage bag until after the exterminator has been and gone. Good luck!
posted by Drexen at 4:52 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: (Oh yeah, 60C, that is - 140F).
posted by Drexen at 5:33 AM on June 30, 2015

Response by poster: Fuck my life. Thanks everybody.
posted by Edward Liveing, M.D. at 11:46 AM on June 30, 2015

The possible good news is that if you were only getting bit a few times twice a week, you may literally have only had one bed bug, which you've caught and presumably destroyed.
posted by amro at 3:38 PM on June 30, 2015

Sorry, I read your question wrong... It's probably more than one.
posted by amro at 3:39 PM on June 30, 2015