What to do about seemingly not justified negative gut feelings?

May 18, 2015 9:17 AM

Are gut feelings ever wrong? I’m currently struggling with the decision about where to go to graduate school. I thought I'd found a pretty good option, but now I’m having inexplicably bad gut feelings about it. However, I can find nothing wrong with the option and there’s no obvious better alternative. I don’t want to randomly just pull out because I “have a bad feeling about it.” What is a rational person to do?

I recently finished my undergrad degree in engineering and took a few months off to decide what to do about graduate school. Where I’m located (Australia), to do a graduate degree, you basically approach researchers you’re interested in working with, and then they sponsor you to apply for a scholarship.

Well, I was quite interested in working in a particular research niche, and there are a handful of researchers working in this field. I spoke to the most promising looking ones, and all but one had significant issues with them (i.e., one wasn’t really interested in taking in new students, another researcher's past students suggested the researcher wasn't very supportive). The final researcher seemed okay. So, I met him, and had a follow-up email exchange where I asked him more about his research and lab operation. He is a new investigator, where I would be his second student, but he appears to be highly competent. He has a really good track record (studied/worked at top institutions and has great papers). Personality wise, he seems really supportive and genuinely interested in my personal development.

When I first heard about his projects and everything, it seemed fine. However, a week later, and two days before our second meeting to solidify the PhD plans, I just woke up with a bad feeling in my gut about doing the PhD with that investigator. It was just a general ominous feeling, like I could sense as if something was wrong. I couldn't explain it. In fact, the more I thought about it, the better the option looked from a rational perspective.

I’ve tried to think about possible problems, but they don’t seem that major. A potential issue is that the supervisor's proposed projects aren't a perfect match with my own interests (although they are still well within the field I want to get into). Two of his projects I have absolutely no interest in, and a third I am somewhat interested in.

However, I figured that I could get into the third project eventually. Moreover, I’ve heard that the exact topic of the dissertation is not that important. Further, the supervisor said that he would be very open to new ideas as well, so in theory I could come up with something else. Nevertheless, I suppose in the back of my mind, I do worry that I will get stuck with the marginally interesting project, not grow more interested in it, and then have to spend three or four years doing something boring. I feel like maybe I should be really enthusiastic and excited at this stage.

So, I suppose my question has two dimensions: first, is there anything about the situation that actually warrants a red flag? Second, what should I make these inexplicable negative gut feelings?

In terms of these gut instincts, it’s odd in that some days, I really feel anxious about this decision (I’m not a particularly anxious person), and the next day, I will convince myself that this is really the best option.

I’ve had past experiences where I’ve had this kind of instinctual/gut feeling about things, and it turns out that I’ve been right. However, as a scientist, I’m well aware of selection bias. For all I know, I’ve had times where my gut has been completely wrong, but I just don’t remember those situations.

I did a quick Google search, and apparently all the psychological literature says that you should go with your gut. This has just added to my indecision. On the one hand, I don’t want to ignore a perfectly valid source of information. On the other, I feel like I’m somehow being beholden to superstitious feelings, and I don't want to just walk away from a perfectly good PhD due to feelings alone.

In terms of the practicalities of the situation, I haven’t officially signed anything saying I have to do the PhD with this person. However, in terms of other PhD options, I have closed most of the other doors just because I’ve missed other application deadlines. So, if I didn’t go with my current chosen supervisor, my other options include doing a desperate last-minute search for supervisors at the institutions whose deadlines I haven’t missed, or cancel/delay the PhD and try to get a job. Ultimately, I’m not too keen on either of those options. However, I just have to find a way to get over my doubts and insecurities about my current choice, if I am to be happy with it.

posted by cestlavie to Work & Money (15 answers total)

I’ve had past experiences where I’ve had this kind of instinctual/gut feeling about things, and it turns out that I’ve been right.

But were they right when it comes to things of this magnitude? I would do a closer autopsy on these situations, write down the pertinents and examine it from a scientist's point of view. Hindsight may be 20/20 but there may also be other cognitive biases at play here.

Intuition isn't to be disregarded, but we also should not give it more weight than we should.

I have found that sometimes your gut feeling can be an early warning system, but sometimes it's just butterflies before trying something new.

Dig deeper. Put everything on paper. Simplify. Choose.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 9:45 AM on May 18, 2015 [4 favorites]

The problem is that toxic shame IS a gut feeling that is wrong. So ask yourself is this something like that or is this related to other questions.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:47 AM on May 18, 2015

I'm not sure I can speak to gut feelings specifically, but I will say with regard to grad school that if you're not 100% in and excited about it, and are just doing it because you can't come up with a better option, you're probably better off not to do it. I went to grad school under these conditions, and it SUCKED. I eventually finished, years off schedule because of constantly dragging my feet, and I really regret not doing the hard work of figuring out what I really wanted to be doing BEFORE investing years in something I'm still not particularly excited about. Grad school will always be there. It can be a really good thing, both in terms of avoiding burnout and figuring out whether academia is where you belong, to take some time off and work for a year or two.
posted by rainbowbrite at 9:54 AM on May 18, 2015 [15 favorites]

I would choose a supportive PhD supervisor and a marginally interesting project (that is closely related to your niche and long term career goals) than an incredibly interesting project and a marginally engaged supervisor every time.

I think you should be clear with your potential supervisor that you'd prefer to work on project idea #3 of the ones he mentioned, as well as any follow-on research directions you might like.

Also, maybe it's my USian bias showing, but you're talking 3-4 years, not the interminable "maybe out in 6" that doctoral research students face. Assuming (and this is a big assumption) that you have a clear goal that's driving your reason for doing the PhD in the first place, I'd echo the advice you've already encountered about not obsessing over finding yourself the exact perfect dissertation topic.
posted by deludingmyself at 9:55 AM on May 18, 2015 [6 favorites]

This is anecdotal, but I hope it helps. My bf had very similar misgivings about starting his PhD in a field of engineering. Mainly two: what if it's a personality mismatch between me and the team, and what if I get stuck doing work I am only marginally interested in.

He could've written your AskMe! 5 months into his program, he loves it. He realized that he has a voice and can decided what direction his work takes, even if this means some compromise to reconcile the expectations put on him by his supervisors with his own interests.

He also realized that the other topics, which he knew little about before, were actually pretty interesting! So he's learning stuff he didn't know before, which is, in my opinion, also kind of the point of it all.

As to your supervisor, maybe take time to get to know him first? If he sounds supportive now, sure there will be ups and downs like any other relationship, but if you both are committed, odds are it will work out as it should.

That feeling in your gut could just be plain old fear. You don't know what's coming at you, and you can't look into the future to find out in advance. This is totally normal (and I'm pretty sure this was my bf's feeling too). All that stuff you're afraid of could happen, sure. But from your description, these things do not seem pre-programmed at all.
posted by ipsative at 10:11 AM on May 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

I think at this level it's hard to tell the difference between your "gut", fears and nerves. For me I would continue as planned but what would make me feel more comfortable would be to work a Plan B. That way if it turns out to be a bad fit you know what to do.
posted by saradarlin at 10:30 AM on May 18, 2015 [3 favorites]

. all the psychological literature says that you should go with your gut.

No it doesn't, half of it says "feel the fear and do it anyway".
posted by the agents of KAOS at 10:37 AM on May 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

I’ve had past experiences where I’ve had this kind of instinctual/gut feeling about things, and it turns out that I’ve been right.

But you've probably forgotten all the times that you had a gut feeling about something, did the thing anyway, and it all turned out fine. At least 50% of the time I fly, I get a bad feeling about it, but then it's all fine and I totally forget what my gut told me (at least until the next time I fly). I'd be homebound if I followed my gut all the time.

Are you maybe just uncertain about grad school in general? It doesn't sound like there's anything about this particular situation that should set off alarms.
posted by jabes at 11:12 AM on May 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

You also need to rule out other variables to isolate the impact of the issue at hand, "all else being equal." When I have too much coffee or am on a sugar crash, I can get a very bad gut feeling.
posted by salvia at 11:16 AM on May 18, 2015

Do you actually want to go to grad school? The answer to that question may well outweigh any of the specifics of your program.
posted by danceswithlight at 11:21 AM on May 18, 2015

Could you start the PhD and see how you feel after one semester?

I'm Australian and I recently started a Masters programme in Germany. When I was still deciding whether I should come here, I actually had the worst gut feeling about it. But things are actually panning out really well so far. It turns out that the Masters programme isn't quite what I want to be doing, but overall I think I made the right decision to just go for it. I'm currently working on how I can alter my course of studies to make it more focussed on what I want to do.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 11:49 AM on May 18, 2015

I suspect that your gut feeling is what you are pointing to (ie, knowing that you are not excited about the project).

My experience in grad school was exactly like Rainbowbrite. I was excited about the academic area/courses/and even teaching, but I had no interest in the project. In the last few years, the only thing you do is research and if you are indifferent to a project, time slows and stretches. Similar to Rainbow, I ended up tacking on at least an extra year. I could not force myself to write up projects and submit them to journals, which is another professional strike.

If I could go back in time, I would have pushed to do a year of lab rotations instead of committing to one lab, to learn other techniques, see other projects, and to have an idea as to how you can collaborate/use other labs, etc, for projects that you are interested in. I would also have invested time in writing my own grants vs funding through my PI. I can't state these things enough, but if you can get the full funding for your own projects, then it will be more of a collaboration in my opinion. I believe that these two things would have made a dramatic difference in my experience, but who knows.

The other option (since you need a job for a year or two) is: Would this potential advisor be open to you working in their lab while being funded as a lab tech/basic researcher for a year with the understanding that if you like what you see, then you will/can commit? Even if you don't eventually do your PhD in his lab, you can identify other labs/PIs that you want to work with in that time. You can also get a feel as to whether this person will truly let you do your own projects in addition to one or two of his projects.
posted by Wolfster at 1:30 PM on May 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

I showed your question to the man himself, and he thought he could contribute as well. Here is his answer:

What you are describing looks to me like the typical anxiety feeling when life altering changes need to be decided upon. Naturally, when you start grad school you choose to dedicate your next three years or so to academics and minimal finances rather than gaining work experience while earning a higher salary. I assume you might need to move to a new city to start your PhD? Of course you want your supervisor, project and topic to be “perfect” as changing schools / supervisors can be difficult if things don’t turn out the way you wanted them to. With such a major decision before you, feeling anxiety is very normal in my experience.

As ipsative stated, I had much of the same negative feelings before I started my PhD just 5 months ago. While I was in the process of securing my PhD placement I was very excited. However, I started doubting the decision whether quitting my job and fully committing myself to this path was the right thing to do. Similar to your experience, these doubts came without any grounds, they were mere gut feelings. These feelings did not go away within the first few weeks after starting grad school, either. It took time for adjustment in terms of getting used to a new city, finding friends and learning what my research group was all about. Now that I am adjusted and my research topic is becoming clearer, the feelings of anxiety have vanished.

One thing you wrote stood out to me: “A potential issue is that the supervisor’s proposed projects aren’t a perfect match with my own interests (although they are still well within the field I want to get into).” Again, I had the same concern before I started. Now, 5 months later, I have understood that much of my research work depends on myself shaping it to where I want it to go. Although I was assigned a general realm to work within, the tools I use, the questions I ask and the data I utilize are all decisions I get to make myself (with support and supervision from my professors, of course). If your supervisor is as supportive, I would hope you will receive a similar amount of freedom to pursue your interest.

To sum it up: Go for it!

Good luck from a fellow engineer.
posted by ipsative at 5:47 AM on May 19, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is a tough one. It can be really hard to differentiate from a gut feeling and anxiety over a big life decision.

In my experience, a true gut feeling is not anxious or panicky. It's a deep, quiet, but steady feeling that says, "hey, something's not right here." Anything that's at a higher emotional pitch tends to be anxiety. Which may be founded or may just be the emotions that come with a big decision.
posted by lunasol at 10:52 AM on May 19, 2015 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thank you everyone who has contributed. I have to admit that I’m still a bit undecided about what to do, but I do feel a bit better. It’s good to know that these negative feelings can often not be as meaningful as we’re often told they are.

I suppose the working option is an obvious one. I guess I feel like I would end up going for PhD anyway, so thought I would cut to the chase. I have spent what seems like forever deciding on what to do (my gap six months is quickly turning into a gap year), so I suspect I’m at the point of diminishing marginal returns.

My plan at the moment is to go ahead and see how I go with this current supervisor. He does seem exceptionally friendly/considerate so far. I will take on board Wolfster’s advice to try to come up with my own project. It looks like there’s actually tremendous scope to work in almost any application area in this particular field of engineering, so I feel I should see what I can come up with.

I do hear what rainbowbrite is saying about it being important that you're 100% into it. The thing is I feel like if I was working on a project I was really into, I would be 100% into it. So I feel like there is the possibility to make this happen.

I will keep considering other options, though (alternative supervisors, just not doing the PhD), as I should have about a half a year before I'm actually irreversibly locked in.

I think the people who have said that a lot of it is just the weight of making a life-changing decision are right. I feel like I’ve carefully considered all the options and ultimately just have to choose what appears to be the best.
posted by cestlavie at 9:25 AM on May 20, 2015