What gift to buy for graduation from seminary?

May 17, 2015 4:12 PM

A close friend of many, many years is graduating from seminary soon, and I would like to buy a nice little gift, maybe $50-100. I'd prefer something that lasts and could be used or seen regularly for some time. Complication: I am not a Christian and would not be at all confident in my ability to pick out anything he would use as a minister.

Additional details: my friend is a a gay man a little over 40 years old, and Episcopalian. I realize "big bottle of hooch" is probably an acceptable option, but I'd really rather it not be something that just gets used up.

posted by dilettante to Shopping (16 answers total)

Best answer: Perhaps a really beautiful pen? Or a leather bound blank journal?
posted by fancyoats at 4:27 PM on May 17, 2015

Best answer: If you like fancyoats' idea: This pen is named appropriately, it's in the right price range, and I can vouch for it being very well made and pleasant to use. (It took about 10 days to arrive in the U.S. northeast.)
posted by gnomeloaf at 4:46 PM on May 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

You may want to contact the owner of the Episcopal Bookstore (no spaces .com, linking isn't working for me on the tablet). He's a lovely man and may have ideas.
posted by Ruki at 5:00 PM on May 17, 2015

My father is an Anglican priest. Two things he uses a lot in his day to day life are his diary (because omg you wouldn't believe the number of appointments people schedule with him, and how far in advance) and his car (because he is always driving around to visit his parishioners.) I would say he is in his car maybe 20 to 30 percent of his working hours, and it was more when he had a rural parish.

So anything you can give your friend that is useful for scheduling or for driving would probably be good. If it was my dad, I'd give him some sort of leather bound planner cover that he could reuse from year to year. But I guess your friend might be the sort to do scheduling electronically.

His job also involves a lot of writing, but it's hard to think of gifts that help with that. It's all pretty much electronic now. An ergonomic keyboard or mouse, maybe. You probably know your friend well enough to know what he already has and what he would use in this sphere.
posted by lollusc at 5:19 PM on May 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: This is a little off the wall, but there is a running joke amongst Episcopalians about writing thank you notes. It is still a THING in our culture. Some monogrammed stationary might be appropriate. Check with someone more in-the-know than I am to make sure his titles are correct.

My priest has a collection of crosses and crucifixes on her office wall. Another one is always welcomed. But if you have no religious connection to it, it might be weird.

Another Episcopal saying is, "Wherever three or four are gathered together in my name, there's always a fifth," so your "acceptable option" might be just perfect, if you do decide to go that way.
posted by SLC Mom at 5:33 PM on May 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

My dad, who is active in the Episcopal diocese and sits on several committees, says " a full-size Book of Common Prayer with Hymnal, black, embossed with his name. Should run you about $80."

As a side note, I received my own little book of common prayer before I was confirmed. While I am no longer a practicing Christian, it is still a treasured possession.

Feel free to memail me if you have any questions or would like specific recommendations or links to resources.
posted by ApathyGirl at 5:37 PM on May 17, 2015

Catholic perspective here.

You say you are a close friend, so it may be appropriate for you to buy your friend some vestments.

And just as with weddings, you may have to coordinate with others who are close to make sure you're not duplicating vestments for certain seasons/occasions, etc.
posted by QuantumMeruit at 6:29 PM on May 17, 2015

Pastor/seminary grad here. I would suggest this. It is a nice bible with the Book of Common Prayer, all bound together in one book. For funerals and weddings, it is easier than carrying two books around.
posted by 4ster at 6:29 PM on May 17, 2015

Also, I bought this stole for as an ordination gift for a colleague, and it is very nice, especially for the cost.
posted by 4ster at 6:35 PM on May 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

My first thought was to go with something totally unrelated to religion and just get like, a cool handmade bowl from a local potter or woodturner -- or something like that. Just something beautiful/functional that he would love and that marks this happy occasion in his life! When I finished grad school, I received some nice gifts, but none of them related to the program of study I had just completed. I totally think just any nice item that your friend would like is completely appropriate. (Metafilter etiquette experts, am I off base??)
posted by hansbrough at 6:36 PM on May 17, 2015

With wedding gifts, the tradition is that people give the newly married couple gifts to help them start their own household, since they're theoretically starting from scratch.

I was led to believe that graduation from seminary/ordination is kind of the same way, at least in the Catholic tradition. There are certain things that Catholic priests use in their ministry that are personal to them, and not their parish/assignment. The priests I knew had personal vestments, a personal chalice. Little things like confession stoles, or even a portable communion-in-a-briefcase kit with cruets and stuff.

So for those not-quite-familiar with the structure, thinking of it as a wedding analog might be helpful.

But that's from the perspective of someone who grew up with friends/family getting ordained in the Catholic church. I'm not sure how my experience that varies from Episcopalians.
posted by QuantumMeruit at 6:58 PM on May 17, 2015

Vestments, particularly stoles, are a good idea. Christianbook.com is a reliable source for Protestant paraphernalia. Cokesbury.com is also good.

This is a little more specific, but I absolutely love travel communion kits, which let your friend carry the eucharist (bread and wine) and often holy water and a bible and sometimes a stole in a neat little case to take to minister to the sick or dying or homebound.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:59 PM on May 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I give volumes of George Herbert for friends of mine who have graduated seminary, esp. Anglican seminary.
posted by PinkMoose at 10:52 PM on May 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Nice heavy dutybook weight.
posted by tilde at 1:21 AM on May 18, 2015

Seconding George Herbert; John Donne is also not a bad idea, and many people at the parish I'm in, including the priest, dearly love R.S. Thomas.

Books are generally a bit of a dicey suggestion because you want something particularly meaningful to him personally, and what that would be depends very much not only on his tastes and interests, but on what you share with him. Does he love the music of the church, and do you two share an interest in music? Give him a hymnal he doesn't already have---perhaps one of the English hymnals, The New English Hymnal or Common Praise. Do you share an interest in Wittgenstein, or philosophy more generally? Perhaps a nice edition of Philosophical Investigations or a copy of David Pears' The False Prison.
posted by golwengaud at 8:18 AM on May 18, 2015

Response by poster: All this and I went with the nice bog bittle after all, but it was received quite happily and in conversation after giving it I was advised that as a general rule seminary graduates (from denominations that allowed it) would probably like liquor better than most other options, and were already overloaded with all the other stuff. Of course that could have been normal politeness about the gift, so I don't know that I'd say that is universal truth or anything.
posted by dilettante at 6:56 PM on May 23, 2015 [1 favorite]