How do retirement parties work?

May 1, 2015 11:16 AM

A close relative is retiring this year, and I'm considering throwing a party-- but have absolutely no skills or experience with this type of event (or, really, with party-planning in general). Looking for tips/ ideas/ planning frameworks that will help me put together an awesome retirement bash.

I'm most in need of general guidance/ ideas:
--what do such parties (thrown by family members, but with retirees' coworkers as guests) look like? How long do they last?
--Who gets invited?
--What kinds of fun activities/ extras do people do?
--What level of food generally gets eaten (assuming average middle-class demographics)?

But I also have a few snowflake questions, as follows:
-- This person's spouse (also close in relation to myself) also retired a year or two back, so they'll now be entering post-work life kinda/sorta together. Is it weird to do a combined retirement celebration for them both? Is it weird not to?
-- Both Retiree and Retiree's Spouse work fairly white-collar, educated jobs in education. Will it create an odd dynamic if I invite both their co-workers and some very blue-collar extended family? Is it OK to just leave the extended family out, given that it's a work-related party anyway?
-- What about other categories of invitees (neighbors? non-work friends?)
-- If there's already a small collective retirement celebration planned at Retiree's work (for several people retiring at the same time), is it Not Done to invite the same coworkers to another, individual retirement party later on?


As you may be able to tell, I've really got nothin' at this point. Help me, Metafilter!

posted by Bardolph to Work & Money (6 answers total)

I've been to one retirement party like this. It was held in a church (as a church service), and afterward there were refreshments in the church lobby. Obviously in a pretty conservative community where this was considered appropriate/normal. :) There was very good turnout from a combination of coworkers, friends, and family members, but this was in part because this person was EXTREMELY well-liked/popular. Anyway, a religious ceremony might not work given the specific person you are throwing it for, but just thought I would throw it out there as a model in case it helps.

I think the question of who to invite should go to the retiree themselves. I feel like there are a lot of potential awkward situations here in terms of whether the person likes to keep their private/work life separate, whether they want to do a joint party versus a "celebrate one person!" party, whether they feel the work party is sufficient for celebrating with work acquaintances, etc. Even if you host/plan, I think you should give your relative as much control as possible over the guest list to make sure they have a good time.

If I were throwing this party, I would probably organize it as an outdoor BBQ, ideally in your/someone's backyard or otherwise at a local park (well, as long as this is happening during warm months!). I think this would keep it casual and celebratory, and would give people the opportunity to come and go, and to form groups of their own choosing to chat with. Plus, it reads more as "fun event" and less as "work obligation."

Finally, I would go into this knowing that coworkers actually may not be all that into attending something like this, especially if there is already a work party happening. I would have to like a coworker A LOT to want to spend my Saturday afternoon at a second party in their honor. I think you are most likely going to get a few coworkers who are actually friends with your relative outside of work (and want to continue that friendship after retirement), and so you'll want to fill it out with other friends/neighbors/family -- whoever it is your relative is closest to and wants there.
posted by rainbowbrite at 11:38 AM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

You can totally invite the coworkers even if they've had a small work party. I've been to retirement parties that were at work and at a family home, and the family home one was by far the best.

Invitees: Talk to the retiree - they may just want work friends there, they might want family invited, too. People can sit with the people they know, it's not that weird to have two separate groups at a party. And depending on the workplace, many coworkers may want to go, or only a very few - the retiree may have a better sense of that.

Food: Again, you and the retiree can work out what sounds best. My favorite was a mid-afternoon dessert and snacks party that lasted maybe 3 hours? With snacks, a little speechifying maybe an hour in when most folks had arrived, and the ceremonial presentation of a small gift from the family, then desserts. This family were big on making food, so it was practically lunch and dinner, but you don't have to do that.

One warning: I'd assure people that gifts aren't expected. It's likely that folks may chip in for one at the office, and be happy to celebrate again, but not chip in more money.
posted by ldthomps at 12:15 PM on May 1, 2015

Response by poster: Just chiming in to say that the initial thinking was that this would be a surprise party... it's sounding like that might be a bad idea? The honoree is one of those "don't take any trouble for me, you're so busy as it is" types of people, so outing the plans beforehand would likely mean they'd insist on calling the whole thing off.
posted by Bardolph at 12:18 PM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'd do an afternoon BBQ -- it makes for easy crowd mixing, it's relatively easy to do as a surprise, the format is well-established and everything can be easily brought in. It's also a very comfortable setup for a wide range of people, including friends, family, co-workers and kids. It's also a good idea to include all of these groups since, as has been pointed out, co-workers may be thin on the ground.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:26 PM on May 1, 2015

Can you do some intel with the spouse? I feel like often people turn to surprise parties when they think the honoree in question won't want a party, and...sometimes that means throwing someone a party that they do not want to have. (In contrast, there are other people who just love surprises, but it doesn't sound like that's the reasoning here.) Step one is to make sure this is really how your relative would feel most celebrated, honored, and supported in their retirement. It's possible they would actually prefer something like a retirement trip/vacation, a small family dinner at a nice restaurant, a thoughtful gift presented privately, etc. etc.
posted by rainbowbrite at 12:29 PM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

Would the person like a surprise party? Or is that the only way you could sneak one into their life?

If they wouldn't like a surprise party, I'd call it off and just take them out to dinner.
posted by purplesludge at 1:31 PM on May 2, 2015