Haircut anxiety with curly hair. How do I figure out what works for me?

April 10, 2015 1:18 PM

I'm a male with curly hair, and I feel extremely anxious whenever I get my hair cut. I just don't know what to tell my hairdresser! I prefer to cut my hair fairly short and then grow it out for a few weeks/months without having to worry about it, but I don't really know how to precisely explain that other than "uhh... short?"

Do I want it short on the sides, long on the top? Less on the back, more on the front? Clipper or cut? I literally have no idea. I don't even know what my head is shaped like! Surely the hairdresser should determine what's best for me, right? And the numbers... oh, the numbers. If I could point to a photo I would, but a) I don't think I've ever had a haircut that I actually liked on myself, and b) all the models in the books seem to have straight or wavy hair and c) don't really match my head shape or facial features. And the worst part is, if I want to be more precise or try something new, it has the potential of making me look stupid for a while, and I can only try again in a month or two. So I always just handwave it away and hope the hairdresser has more common sense than me. But I'm tired of being so ignorant and docile about my own hair! How do I get a better idea of what hairstyle works best for me?

posted by anonymous to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (20 answers total)

I realize you've asked this anonymously, but it would really help if we had a picture of your face to look at.

Beyond that, there are websites like this one that allow you to upload a photo and then try out different hairstyles.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:21 PM on April 10, 2015

Post some photos with the eyes barred out?
posted by oceanjesse at 1:21 PM on April 10, 2015

Hmm... I'm no expert on men's hair, but can you find a celebrity with a similar hair texture / head shape to you? Or if there's something that concerns you-- you want to de-emphasize your forehead, or something-- can you find a celebrity with hair like yours who achieves that?

When I want a change, I generally find female celebrities with hair texture like mine (fine but wavy) and then google them until I find something cool.

A photo would be useful even if you don't like your hair in it, if it shows the texture of your hair and the shape of your face/head.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:21 PM on April 10, 2015

Also, as a woman who's been in the haircut trenches, the books at hair salons are like, profoundly unhelpful. Also getting a $30+ cut will help a lot if you're relying on your stylist for help understanding your hair.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:22 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Well, one thing you can do is find your celebrity hair twin. Someone famous who has the same hair type as you. Then do a google image search for them to see what hairstyles look good on them.

Without a picture of you it's impossible to guess at, curly runs the gamut, but Justin Timberlake is someone who has had curly hair to various levels of success. Zac Posen is another famous guy with very tight curly hair, and is actually the hair twin of a friend of mine. Zac Posen has also had varying degrees of hairstyle success. Maybe your hair type is more like one of the Jonas Brothers. Lots of examples there. But looking for celebrities who have your hair type is one very easy way of finding a haircut you might like to try.

If for some reason you're unable to find a hair twin, cut short on the sides and left longer on top will make you look put together and current.

You could also try my old standby, which is to make an actual appointment and go to an actual hair stylist (i.e. not walk in to supercuts in the mall) and say you have no idea how to hair, that you're open to something new, and to please just make you look good.
posted by phunniemee at 1:29 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm a woman with very fine, very thick, very dry, very curly hair. When I've been at a loss for inspiration, I've checked out the website naturallycurly.com, which has a database of photos of other people's curly hairstyles.

Here are pix of men with short, curly hair. Hope it is of use to you.
posted by virago at 1:49 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Get a curly haircut - dry and with scissors instead of clippers or razors. Naturallycurly.com has a place to search for curly stylists near you. It might be a little pricier but oh, the results are worth it!
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 2:06 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

From your question: "I prefer to cut my hair fairly short and then grow it out for a few weeks/months without having to worry about it,"

Why not just say that, then smile and say "you're the professional!"
posted by jeff-o-matic at 2:16 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Mod note: This is a followup from the asker.

OK, here are some pictures without my face.

This is what I often look like. It feels a bit too tall.

This is a look that I actually like. However, if I get my hair cut to these specifications, I know it'll last for like 2 weeks, and as I said I prefer to get a haircut that I don't have to fuss with for a month or two.

And this is what my hair looks like when it's bad.

Short-ish side view. I think it looks decent here.

Side view with full hair growth. I do actually like the Bob Dylan look but I don't know if I can pull it off.

Front meh. OK, I guess.

Side with a very short cut. I guess the top of my head has a forward slant?

"Why not just say that, then smile and say 'you're the professional!'"

I've often found that if I do that, they get a little confused and uncertain and then tell me the numbers they'll try to do (which have no meaning to me). Most hairdressers I've been to prefer specific instructions.

posted by cortex (staff) at 2:54 PM on April 10, 2015

I've often found that if I do that, they get a little confused and uncertain and then tell me the numbers they'll try to do (which have no meaning to me). Most hairdressers I've been to prefer specific instructions.

Are you going to places like Supercuts or other low-cost stylists? They tend to be trained in several specific not-very-complex haircuts, and if your hair doesn't look good in one of those, the woe betide you. I suffered through many terrible haircuts before realizing that I just needed to pay through the nose and go to a more expensive stylist who had more extensive training and experience and could do a complex cut tailored to my hair's texture and my face's shape.
posted by telophase at 3:08 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

On the off chance you're in Chicago, Penny Lane specializes in curly hair, lots of their customers are men, and the men's touch-ups are really cheap for a salon* so you could possibly go in a bit more often to keep it looking neat.

*$15. Also not relevant to you, but maybe for others: I'm genderqueer and they have never had an issue with me scheduling "men's touch ups" to get my undercut freshened up or tried to charge me an higher price based on what my gender is often perceived to be
posted by Juliet Banana at 3:15 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

More volume on the sides, a proper curly hair cut, good conditioner, and a leave-in product (curl creme, coconut oil, and/or gel).
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:38 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

There's a couple things you can do to reduce frizziness and preserve your curl groups. Your hair will look better, as mentioned above, with a 'curly haircut' where they cut individual curl groups together while dry. That's made all the difference with my husband's hair.

Also seconding conditioner and a leave-in product (husband uses coconut oil and my fancy conditioners for color-treated hair).

Smoother pillowcases will also reduce frizziness and breakage - my husband has had good luck with flannel, microfiber, and other smooth materials.
posted by bookdragoness at 4:30 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

As a lady with weird and inconsistent curly-to-wavy hair, the only remedy I've found is going to a full-out salon and paying way more than I'd like to for a hair cut. Curly and/or wavy hair requires stylists with the training and necessary level of compensation.

I also highly recommend searching Yelp for barbers who specialize in curly hair.
posted by smirkette at 4:32 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Since you have pictures of the way you want it to look, bring those in to the salon -- I find it's usually easier for stylists to figure out how to make that look happen than for me to try to articulate what I want (and I am totally with you on the not knowing what the hell to say).

One other thing--as a woman with very short (~1") hair, I've discovered to my dismay that I really do need to get it cut every month. YHMV, but if I go even a week longer it's a disaster area up there.
posted by Kat Allison at 4:34 PM on April 10, 2015

Looking at your hair pictures, I think you have pretty good hair - I think it looks pretty good even in the photo where you say it looks "bad." I like least the last one where it's very short and I like the longer versions as well - I think if you think you can pull it off (the Dylan look), you should. I also don't like the first one (short on sides, very curly on top) as much as all the middle ones you posted. (I sort of generally prefer the tousled messy look for men.)

My husband has a standing haircut every 6 weeks with a touch-up in 3 (I think that's the schedule, maybe it's 8 and 4). His hair is shorter (and thinner and straighter) than yours, but I think something that might be a good plan for you. Even if you think it's annoying to go in every 3 weeks, it's better than feeling like your hair looks bad 25% of the time and you'll have a pattern and plan.

I think you should show your hairdresser the picture you prefer, and mention that you also want something that will grow out ok. I nth everyone else's suggestion to just plan to spend some money on a decent stylist and go to the same person every time. He or she may recommend some products and you can try different things.

I think the issue with hair for a lot of people - maybe especially for men with curly hair - is that it grows faster on the sides than on the top, so if you let it grow it gets bushy and out of shape. So the approach to that is sometimes to cut the sides extra short - but that look can be pretty bad (or at least dated), so I think it's better just to go with it and get a person to trim the sides for maintenance in between.
posted by vunder at 5:10 PM on April 10, 2015

I finally found a barber who can understand my incoherent rambles, and I am sticking with him forever. Usually the best I can manage is, 'just make me look good' or 'can you just clean it up and make it less messy?'

For the cut I think you're describing, I think you want a fade. Skin fade or No. 1 (really short) is the vaguely military style where it's short right at the ear line and the length slowly increases until it reaches the curls on top of your head. I find that I can roll with this cut for a month or two before it starts looking messy.
posted by kanewai at 5:51 PM on April 10, 2015

I think your Bob Dylan look is great, and I'd rock that.

Short sides / long on top could work, but could also make you look like Rick Astley if you don't want to put various substances in it to make it look shiny and wavy vs. curly. I think there are guys who could pull this off but you'll know if you're one of them-- i.e., it's a confidence thing. You can also build up to it.

I also like your "meh" looks where it's just a little unkempt. In fact, if it goes from "what I actually look like... for two weeks" to the "meh" look, I think there's nothing wrong with just getting the cut you like and then going back when you're like "ok it's too unruly." As a woman who has had a (very short) pixie cut, cuts every 2-4 weeks are kind of par for the course. Your hair looks cute when it's a bit grown out and wild/shaggy imo.
posted by stoneandstar at 5:52 PM on April 10, 2015

I also least like the very short one, for what it's worth, followed by the "too tall" one. I like the versions where your hair is more even around the head, instead of big on top/short on sides.
posted by stoneandstar at 5:53 PM on April 10, 2015

I am male and I also have incredibly curly and thick hair. I feel like I've been trying to find the perfect hair style my entire life. I have succeeded some times and failed miserably other times. But I do have a few tips:

I've noticed the price of a hair cut is not the determining factor for the quality of the cut. I have received amazing $12 haircuts that were just as good as the $50 cuts. The best hair cuts I have ever received have been from barbershops and not salons. You need a barber that is used to cutting men's hair.

I also recommend that you tip very well. You want your barber to remember you and remember how to cut your hair. Find someone you like and stick with them.

Your hair would look 10 times better if you just put some kind of product in it. Hair gel, leave in conditioner, or a creme would really elevate the look of your hair. This is something that your barber can recommend. Also, finding a great shampoo and conditioner is paramount.

You need to come to the conclusion that your hair is not going to look the same every single day unless you go get a trim up every single week. I go two to three months before getting it cut again. Sometimes, I even like to buzz it all off and then let it regrow.

It's trial and error. Find a good barber (tip well) and find some good products and you will be set.
posted by bobber at 8:15 AM on April 11, 2015