How do I handle this awkward work situation? Details inside
March 20, 2015 5:27 PM Subscribe
I was basically accused of lying at work. Now what do I do?
I've been working a temp (with potential to become permanent) job for a little over a month. Prior to this I had been unemployed for over 7 months after a lay off. I worked for my previous company/job for almost 15 years. I am working in a completely different industry and role than I had in my last several jobs. This is a clerical/support position in a conservative company. More...
I am one of four support people who do the same job duties. Me and one other girl are temps and the other two girls work for the company. The office I am in has people coming in frequently to pick up checks, mail, ups, fed ex deliveries, etc. The office is behind a secured door with my office being closest to the window that overlooks the waiting area on the other side of the locked door. My desk has the buzzer to let people in.
We get fed ex deliveries at least a few times a week. 9 times out of 10 I get to buzz the fed ex guy in and sign for the packages/delivery. A new guy was supposed to start working in this office earlier in the week. Management has been anticipating the delivery of his lap top which was being sent via fed ex from the home office of this company (which is in another state.) Yesterday, the manager over the office comes out of her office saying she was looking for me. She asked me if I'd signed for the lap top the day before. I told her no. She said the home office said (my full name here) had signed for the lap top. I repeated that I had not signed for a lap top.
There have been several large deliveries over the last couple of weeks in anticipation of this guys arrival. There were a few boxes in the area where his recently built cubical is. However, none of those boxes was a lap top. Given the manager's accusatory tone and clearly irritated air, the supervisor (whose office is right across from support) and my peers, were all adamant that there had been no lap top delivery. The manager was on a rampage repeating home office said fed ex delivered it. The two girls who work for the company told her (in so many words) that it didn't matter what home office said fed ex delivered. There was no lap top delivered and that fed ex can say they delivered 5 boxes when they had only delivered 4.
The manager went back into her office. Leaving me completely mortified and angry and the other support staff in a hushed uproar. I went about doing my job (trying not to cry angry tears). After what seemed like forever, the manager came out of her office, stood at the end of the row of supports cubes, and announced that fed ex had found the lap top. She also said fed ex screwed up, not us. My back was to her (that's the way my desk is oriented). Later one of the other girls in support said that that announcement was the extent of any apology that I would receive.
The other girls basically told me they were angry for me because they felt attacked/accused as much as I did. They also said that they would understand if I called my temp agency and asked for another assignement. I did speak to my agency just tell them what had happened, so it was documented. I didn't ask for a new assignment.
Today was pretty awkward, initially. The infamous lap top was delivered this afternoon. I jokingly refused to sign for it (the other support staff out right refused to sign for it.) The supervisor actually signed for it. I later found out the supervisor relayed that we'd all refused to sign for the package to another manager who happened to be in the office today. He came over and asked about it.
The staff told him that they refused to sign for it because we were under fire the day before. He said he knew about the lap top and that we weren't under fire from him or the home office. I wasn't present for this conversation. I vaguely heard it over the cubicle wall.
The first couple of weeks were very rocky for me in this job, what with me having to learn "on the job" in this new industry, coupled with what I felt was a kind of mean girl attitude I received from the two girls who work for the company, and the very conservative, stuffy , tense atmosphere in this office. There were many days I was so stressed I seriously contemplated picking up my purse and walking out the door. I'm not sure what changed in these girls, but they have become friendly to me over the last few weeks. I've also learned enough to feel more competent in the job (knowing I still have a lot to learn). The tense stuffy atmosphere is the same. After what transpired yesterday I am not sure how to proceed. Any suggestions would be wonderful.
I am one of four support people who do the same job duties. Me and one other girl are temps and the other two girls work for the company. The office I am in has people coming in frequently to pick up checks, mail, ups, fed ex deliveries, etc. The office is behind a secured door with my office being closest to the window that overlooks the waiting area on the other side of the locked door. My desk has the buzzer to let people in.
We get fed ex deliveries at least a few times a week. 9 times out of 10 I get to buzz the fed ex guy in and sign for the packages/delivery. A new guy was supposed to start working in this office earlier in the week. Management has been anticipating the delivery of his lap top which was being sent via fed ex from the home office of this company (which is in another state.) Yesterday, the manager over the office comes out of her office saying she was looking for me. She asked me if I'd signed for the lap top the day before. I told her no. She said the home office said (my full name here) had signed for the lap top. I repeated that I had not signed for a lap top.
There have been several large deliveries over the last couple of weeks in anticipation of this guys arrival. There were a few boxes in the area where his recently built cubical is. However, none of those boxes was a lap top. Given the manager's accusatory tone and clearly irritated air, the supervisor (whose office is right across from support) and my peers, were all adamant that there had been no lap top delivery. The manager was on a rampage repeating home office said fed ex delivered it. The two girls who work for the company told her (in so many words) that it didn't matter what home office said fed ex delivered. There was no lap top delivered and that fed ex can say they delivered 5 boxes when they had only delivered 4.
The manager went back into her office. Leaving me completely mortified and angry and the other support staff in a hushed uproar. I went about doing my job (trying not to cry angry tears). After what seemed like forever, the manager came out of her office, stood at the end of the row of supports cubes, and announced that fed ex had found the lap top. She also said fed ex screwed up, not us. My back was to her (that's the way my desk is oriented). Later one of the other girls in support said that that announcement was the extent of any apology that I would receive.
The other girls basically told me they were angry for me because they felt attacked/accused as much as I did. They also said that they would understand if I called my temp agency and asked for another assignement. I did speak to my agency just tell them what had happened, so it was documented. I didn't ask for a new assignment.
Today was pretty awkward, initially. The infamous lap top was delivered this afternoon. I jokingly refused to sign for it (the other support staff out right refused to sign for it.) The supervisor actually signed for it. I later found out the supervisor relayed that we'd all refused to sign for the package to another manager who happened to be in the office today. He came over and asked about it.
The staff told him that they refused to sign for it because we were under fire the day before. He said he knew about the lap top and that we weren't under fire from him or the home office. I wasn't present for this conversation. I vaguely heard it over the cubicle wall.
The first couple of weeks were very rocky for me in this job, what with me having to learn "on the job" in this new industry, coupled with what I felt was a kind of mean girl attitude I received from the two girls who work for the company, and the very conservative, stuffy , tense atmosphere in this office. There were many days I was so stressed I seriously contemplated picking up my purse and walking out the door. I'm not sure what changed in these girls, but they have become friendly to me over the last few weeks. I've also learned enough to feel more competent in the job (knowing I still have a lot to learn). The tense stuffy atmosphere is the same. After what transpired yesterday I am not sure how to proceed. Any suggestions would be wonderful.
I have found that I sometimes complain to myself about new environments the first few weeks of the job/new place/etc. Sometimes for legitimate reasons like yours. In my most recent new job, there was a lot of blatant sexism in the workplace (rural Australia). I would come home FUMING. But it was the best option available to me at the time. With time I grow accustomed to the imperfectness of the new environment. You may as well! Your coworkers sound awesome.
Give it a few more weeks if you want to. It may settle on you. It may not. It's my understanding that the benefit of temp jobs is that you CAN quit if it feels like an unhealthy work environment. There will be other jobs.
posted by aniola at 5:39 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Give it a few more weeks if you want to. It may settle on you. It may not. It's my understanding that the benefit of temp jobs is that you CAN quit if it feels like an unhealthy work environment. There will be other jobs.
posted by aniola at 5:39 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
The job doesn't sound like a great fit personality-wise. Why not ask the agency for a new position? If you want to stay in this job, steer clear of the office games and do your job. Like, don't refuse to sign for packages when it's part of your job, even "jokingly". Not everyone appreciates jokes like that. You want to be a cool cucumber- staying cool-headed in stressful situations will impress the folks with the power to promote you.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:40 PM on March 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:40 PM on March 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
Decent coworkers are the one thing that makes otherwise crap jobs tolerable. At least for long enough that you can leave this job for another job instead of for no job at all. You can let your agency know you'd like another position, and keep an eye out yourself to make sure you don't miss anything good while you're still drawing a paycheck.
Try to take the actual work tasks seriously and resist the temptation to complain about that obnoxious manager or anyone else there -- at least while you're in the building. The agency is unlikely to give you more jobs if they get bad feedback about you. It's gotta be easier to keep a positive attitude about it all if you remember that you've got people there who'll get your back, though.
posted by asperity at 5:50 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Try to take the actual work tasks seriously and resist the temptation to complain about that obnoxious manager or anyone else there -- at least while you're in the building. The agency is unlikely to give you more jobs if they get bad feedback about you. It's gotta be easier to keep a positive attitude about it all if you remember that you've got people there who'll get your back, though.
posted by asperity at 5:50 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
The job doesn't sound like a great fit personality-wise. Why not ask the agency for a new position?
Not to respond to TPS, here, specifically, but from my experience with clerical staffing agencies, don't do this. Clerical positions do not now, nor did they when I was working, outnumber unemployed people with clerical skills, and I got treated relatively poorly by a staffing agency on one occasion for asking to leave an assignment even after it completely differed from my skillset and the way they'd described it. (I used to be petrified of talking to strangers on the phone and they sent me off to a job they described as mostly filing that turned out to be 100% something very near to telemarketing.) Despite excellent reports from my previous positions, I don't think that place ever placed me again. They seem quick to label people as "problem children" even if they were previously reliable workers. Given your recent history, in an ideal world I do wish you could do this, but I wouldn't breathe a word of this to the agency.
I think, in general, that this sounds like it was a situation in which other people were stressed out by the missing laptop, and they were taking it out on the disposable temp. This happens. The thing is, some people who will do that occasionally will actually be fine the rest of the time. If you feel like you're doing okay, the laptop did actually turn up and you weren't responsible for it going missing, and the other employees are starting to treat you more warmly? I think you sound like you're doing fine and I think you'll feel more confident as you go. You probably should have gone ahead and signed for it, but I don't think anybody'll hold it against you long term.
posted by Sequence at 5:52 PM on March 20, 2015 [21 favorites]
Not to respond to TPS, here, specifically, but from my experience with clerical staffing agencies, don't do this. Clerical positions do not now, nor did they when I was working, outnumber unemployed people with clerical skills, and I got treated relatively poorly by a staffing agency on one occasion for asking to leave an assignment even after it completely differed from my skillset and the way they'd described it. (I used to be petrified of talking to strangers on the phone and they sent me off to a job they described as mostly filing that turned out to be 100% something very near to telemarketing.) Despite excellent reports from my previous positions, I don't think that place ever placed me again. They seem quick to label people as "problem children" even if they were previously reliable workers. Given your recent history, in an ideal world I do wish you could do this, but I wouldn't breathe a word of this to the agency.
I think, in general, that this sounds like it was a situation in which other people were stressed out by the missing laptop, and they were taking it out on the disposable temp. This happens. The thing is, some people who will do that occasionally will actually be fine the rest of the time. If you feel like you're doing okay, the laptop did actually turn up and you weren't responsible for it going missing, and the other employees are starting to treat you more warmly? I think you sound like you're doing fine and I think you'll feel more confident as you go. You probably should have gone ahead and signed for it, but I don't think anybody'll hold it against you long term.
posted by Sequence at 5:52 PM on March 20, 2015 [21 favorites]
I've been falsely accused before - I understand how awful it can be.
But from what you wrote, it sounds to me like you came out on top from a bad experience. You're fitting in, you're getting along better with your co-workers - and nothing builds friendship like a crappy boss. Who comes out of this looking like a fool, by the way. And it sounds like the story made the rounds of the office, and you and your co-workers are the honest, hardworking heroes.
So - my advice is to stay the course. Keep doing good honest work - you may find the place feels a bit less stuffy, even. The honesty thing is real important - a person can go pretty far with a reputation for honesty. Abraham Lincoln, for instance. And your boss probably won't be accusing y'all of stealing or lying or whatever anytime soon, I bet.
(Alas, I have to tell you the truth: there are always going to be shitty people like your boss around, who will target anyone 'below' them for blame. Try to live your life happy knowing that you aren't one of them).
posted by doctor tough love at 5:55 PM on March 20, 2015 [21 favorites]
But from what you wrote, it sounds to me like you came out on top from a bad experience. You're fitting in, you're getting along better with your co-workers - and nothing builds friendship like a crappy boss. Who comes out of this looking like a fool, by the way. And it sounds like the story made the rounds of the office, and you and your co-workers are the honest, hardworking heroes.
So - my advice is to stay the course. Keep doing good honest work - you may find the place feels a bit less stuffy, even. The honesty thing is real important - a person can go pretty far with a reputation for honesty. Abraham Lincoln, for instance. And your boss probably won't be accusing y'all of stealing or lying or whatever anytime soon, I bet.
(Alas, I have to tell you the truth: there are always going to be shitty people like your boss around, who will target anyone 'below' them for blame. Try to live your life happy knowing that you aren't one of them).
posted by doctor tough love at 5:55 PM on March 20, 2015 [21 favorites]
I've signed for literally hundreds of FedEx deliveries and was all about to bust out some mad logic on the bullshittedness of this accusation, namely that when you sign for a FedEx package they note it on the tracking site as "[First Initial].[Lastname]" so saying it was signed for by "your full name" was somebody just blatantly making shit up.
But then I kept reading and the actual problem got resolved. And it looks like no one is blaming you. And furthermore it sounds like this experience created a bond of solidarity between you and the other women you work with, so that's great.
Shake it off. Sounds like it was just an unfortunate experience that'll fade into the background soon enough.
posted by phunniemee at 6:00 PM on March 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
But then I kept reading and the actual problem got resolved. And it looks like no one is blaming you. And furthermore it sounds like this experience created a bond of solidarity between you and the other women you work with, so that's great.
Shake it off. Sounds like it was just an unfortunate experience that'll fade into the background soon enough.
posted by phunniemee at 6:00 PM on March 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
Yeah, the downside is that it sounds like the manager is a jerk - but the upside is that it sounds like everyone else KNOWS that the manager is a jerk, and they are willing to stick up for you.
At most, it sounds like your boss was just a jackass who was freaking out about something and taking it out on you. The good news, though, is that everyone else knows about it. Also, if your boss had complained about you to your agency, I'm pretty sure you'd have known it by now.
You're fine. Your boss is the jerk.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:16 PM on March 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
At most, it sounds like your boss was just a jackass who was freaking out about something and taking it out on you. The good news, though, is that everyone else knows about it. Also, if your boss had complained about you to your agency, I'm pretty sure you'd have known it by now.
You're fine. Your boss is the jerk.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:16 PM on March 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Like others, I think things will actually get better for you from here. Maybe not with your crappy manager, but with the other members of your team. Not only have you had this bonding experience with them, but you're about to no longer be the new girl once an employee turns up to go with the laptop.
Just don't agree to sign for him when he's delivered.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:20 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Just don't agree to sign for him when he's delivered.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:20 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
You won this one, as much as is possible in the shitty American labor system.
It is non-trivial that your peerish coworkers had your back.
posted by PMdixon at 6:43 PM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
It is non-trivial that your peerish coworkers had your back.
posted by PMdixon at 6:43 PM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Let it blow over. Stuff like this can happen at any job. Happily, you got cleared. And your coworkers are lightening up. I think they feel like you're "one of them" now that you've been under the same stress.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:28 PM on March 20, 2015
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:28 PM on March 20, 2015
You're fine. But I'd still make an effort to be extra professional around this boss. He might be touchy/ier, now that he's been shown to have been in the wrong. Try to keep him "happy", stay as long as you need to, and keep looking for a perm job.
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:37 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:37 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
It sounds like she just has a hard time admitting when she is wrong and apologising for it. I think that you should just accept that she won't apologise and move on. I don't think you really have anything to worry about because she knows that she's wrong and that you didn't lie about the laptop. It's great that your coworkers have your back and that the other boss knows too.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 9:35 PM on March 20, 2015
posted by kinddieserzeit at 9:35 PM on March 20, 2015
I like to make a pointed remark to those conspicuously-not-an-apology announcements that the problem is solved.
She also said fed ex screwed up, not us.
"So it turns out I wasn't lying after all. "
YMMV whether that will help or make it worse. I figure maybe the other person doesn't know how accusatory they came off when, to them, they were just trying to get to the bottom of a problem. I know I have occasionally seemed accusatory that way when what I meant was "you say this, the office says this, can't both be right. Help me figure this out and what to do next" not "you're lying."
(Also, I like to get things I hope people will remember actually said out loud so it can work subconsciously, like advertising. When performance appraisal time comes around, I'd rather have the boss remember the "wasn't lying" part, not the previous day's more memorable drama.)
It can sound snotty I guess, but it really does depend on the delivery. The reaction also tells me a lot about the other person. If they graciously apologize for giving me that impression, then that's quite a bit of a better outcome than just letting resentment linger.
posted by ctmf at 9:44 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
She also said fed ex screwed up, not us.
"So it turns out I wasn't lying after all. "
YMMV whether that will help or make it worse. I figure maybe the other person doesn't know how accusatory they came off when, to them, they were just trying to get to the bottom of a problem. I know I have occasionally seemed accusatory that way when what I meant was "you say this, the office says this, can't both be right. Help me figure this out and what to do next" not "you're lying."
(Also, I like to get things I hope people will remember actually said out loud so it can work subconsciously, like advertising. When performance appraisal time comes around, I'd rather have the boss remember the "wasn't lying" part, not the previous day's more memorable drama.)
It can sound snotty I guess, but it really does depend on the delivery. The reaction also tells me a lot about the other person. If they graciously apologize for giving me that impression, then that's quite a bit of a better outcome than just letting resentment linger.
posted by ctmf at 9:44 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Oh also, it might help to not use inflammatory language to think about things like this. Lying isn't the same thing as merely being wrong. People are wrong all the time, and everyone is wrong sometimes. Doesn't make them bad people or bad at their jobs. In a case like yours, someone was wrong, and the manager had to find out who. Do you really think the manager thought you knew full well you had signed for the laptop and were deliberately denying it? Or did she merely think you could have forgotten about it or done it without knowing what exactly was in the boxes? She had to check.
posted by ctmf at 1:15 AM on March 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by ctmf at 1:15 AM on March 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
I agree that the manager might not realize how she came across. Her irritation and poor demeanor might have been caused by someone higher up the chain yelling at her for letting a laptop go missing. And she admitted that it was a fedex screw-up, instead of just not talking about it (some people just sweep things under the rug instead of ever admitting that they were mistaken).
Don't carry her accusation around with you - you'll become resentful and angry, which will impact your work. You were exonerated, and the manager acknowledged that, though not as graciously as one might hope. You WON. So keep your chin up and remember how supportive your coworkers are.
You can always ask for another assignment, but consider all the factors. Do you like this job? Is it giving you the experience you want? Does it pay you well? Is the commute good? Etc.
Good luck!
posted by bunderful at 5:50 AM on March 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Don't carry her accusation around with you - you'll become resentful and angry, which will impact your work. You were exonerated, and the manager acknowledged that, though not as graciously as one might hope. You WON. So keep your chin up and remember how supportive your coworkers are.
You can always ask for another assignment, but consider all the factors. Do you like this job? Is it giving you the experience you want? Does it pay you well? Is the commute good? Etc.
Good luck!
posted by bunderful at 5:50 AM on March 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
As someone who worked with a temp agency most of my life I disagree with the suggestion of not telling your agency. However I acknowledge that different agencies will react differently to this type of thing. I'm a recruiter now, but when I first started out with agencies I was a temp and when I had a problem with a placement I said so. My coordinator apologized for the bad experience I had and put me in a new assignment. Furthermore, it seems like this manager may very well be out for your blood at some point and you're going to need your agency to document these things. (but no need to do it more than once and you've already done it.) Since this is a temp to perm position they will probably ask your manager (or whoever is in charge of hiring will ask him) how you are doing in the role and he may tell them bad things out of spite. When the agency hears this news they will think it's more about him than you because they've already documented he's a D-bag.
Granted, much of this depends on who your coordinator at the agency is and the agency's environment. So much depends on that. At my former agency there was a coordinator that got jobs for a candidate NO ONE else at the agency wanted. They all told her she was wasting her time with that candidate blah blah blah. But she disagreed and took her on and she's the only reason why that candidate got work via the agency. There were also cases where clients would call in complaining about a candidate and we would have the candidates side of the story and would side with the candidate (even though we wouldn't admit this to the client). In these cases rather than dropping a good candidate, we would just re-assign them while giving the client someone else on our list.
I think you're doing fine there. You successfully made a fool out of that manager and you actually have people willing to have your back. In most cases I know of, the coworkers are more likely to sit back and smirk as they watched you get pummlled for a crime you didn't commit than they are to stand up for you like that. Sad, but true.
posted by rancher at 10:12 AM on March 21, 2015 [4 favorites]
Granted, much of this depends on who your coordinator at the agency is and the agency's environment. So much depends on that. At my former agency there was a coordinator that got jobs for a candidate NO ONE else at the agency wanted. They all told her she was wasting her time with that candidate blah blah blah. But she disagreed and took her on and she's the only reason why that candidate got work via the agency. There were also cases where clients would call in complaining about a candidate and we would have the candidates side of the story and would side with the candidate (even though we wouldn't admit this to the client). In these cases rather than dropping a good candidate, we would just re-assign them while giving the client someone else on our list.
I think you're doing fine there. You successfully made a fool out of that manager and you actually have people willing to have your back. In most cases I know of, the coworkers are more likely to sit back and smirk as they watched you get pummlled for a crime you didn't commit than they are to stand up for you like that. Sad, but true.
posted by rancher at 10:12 AM on March 21, 2015 [4 favorites]
Your manager lacks people skills. She should have asked you to come into her office for a private conversation, so as not to humiliate you in front of your colleagues, where she could have asked you "Can I check something out with you?" and tested out the validity of the claim that you had signed for the delivery.
I've gotten bosses like yours to realign their shitty behavior towards me by setting boundaries with them in private: "Boss, I'm new here and we don't know each other well yet. So the next time you're wondering where a missing item might be and you're trying to figure out who is responsible for it and you think it might be my fault, I'm going to need you to please ask me privately about it, and I promise I will get right on it for you. What I don't want is the very public appearance that I dropped the ball when I didn't. I'm trying to fit in here, and nobody wants finger-pointing to get in the way of us doing the work here. Thanks for hearing me out."
Most people will not say this. They are afraid of being direct with people who are more powerful than them, but you would be amazed at how well this works. The key is to come with a solution and to be respectful and brief.
posted by hush at 1:56 PM on March 21, 2015
I've gotten bosses like yours to realign their shitty behavior towards me by setting boundaries with them in private: "Boss, I'm new here and we don't know each other well yet. So the next time you're wondering where a missing item might be and you're trying to figure out who is responsible for it and you think it might be my fault, I'm going to need you to please ask me privately about it, and I promise I will get right on it for you. What I don't want is the very public appearance that I dropped the ball when I didn't. I'm trying to fit in here, and nobody wants finger-pointing to get in the way of us doing the work here. Thanks for hearing me out."
Most people will not say this. They are afraid of being direct with people who are more powerful than them, but you would be amazed at how well this works. The key is to come with a solution and to be respectful and brief.
posted by hush at 1:56 PM on March 21, 2015
I had to re-read your account several times to try and figure out what the big offense was - and couldn't find anything. I think you're overreacting here. You manager was looking for the package, and had been told your name was down as having signed for it. You hadn't signed for it, but since the home office had told her someone had signed, of course she would press the issue and look around a bit to figure out what's going on, that's her job. I really think you need to take a step back and assess your reaction here - it seems really disproportionate to what you describe happening.
posted by annie o at 11:07 PM on March 26, 2015
posted by annie o at 11:07 PM on March 26, 2015
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posted by languagehat at 5:38 PM on March 20, 2015 [37 favorites]