How do I make this decision?

March 18, 2015 8:28 AM

I am 22 years old currently living at home and working at a coffee shop. I just finished up my Associate's degree in General Transfer Studies last summer. Not sure what I want a Bachelor's in, but I do want to go to university. Currently trying to figure out my next step in life, and really could use advice from older, possibly wiser people. :)

If you don't want to read the massive amounts of writing but still want to help me out, just read the bolded points.

1. I really want to move out of my parent's soon. I have never moved out. I really dislike living at home and feel it is a negative environment for me. I currently live with my stepmom and my dad. I don't have good relationships with them, we don't ever really talk, I think my stepmom thinks I don't like her (which I don't in a way...) and my dad just really annoys me for some reason. It sounds like I'm a bad person. It was rough growing up here though. I want to work on these relationships but don't really know how and just need distance from them I think. Even though I basically have the whole upstairs to myself now... I just want my own place that I can be proud of. I want to get away from these family dynamics.

2. My boyfriend of 5 months has sort of hinted at moving in together. He plans on moving out in the next 6 months he said, depending on when he can find a decent job (he currently works as a barista but finished his business degree last year) and asked me when I wanted to move out. I really like him and our relationship is going really well. I just wanted to kind of determine how I live alone/with a roommate before I tried living with someone close to me like a boyfriend if that makes sense. I'm sure won't be able to afford living alone with my current income, but maybe with a roommate if I picked up a few more hours or something.

3. I have no money saved up. I know. I should have saved tons living at home and working over 30 hours a week as a barista. But I haven't. I think not having a solid goal in front of my face (like moving out by a certain date) is the problem for me?

4. One of my goals is to get a Bachelor's degree, because it will make me more competitive than not having one and I like school and learning. I just don't know what degree though... I really want to start school in the fall. I don't want to get some useless degree. And I don't want to be in huge debt for nothing, of course. There's a state school in my city I could go to, but am not thrilled about. It's about a 35 minute commute from my parents' house. I've entertained the thought of going away to school though, which sounds really fun and eye-opening but maybe I'm romanticizing it. Currently my social life kinda sucks and my boyfriend is basically my only friend, which I am trying to fix. I'm not clingy to him or anything. I really want to make new friends. I feel moving away to university would help with that.

So basically as I see it, I could...

A. Stay at home and go to State University in my area. (Don't want to live here anymore...)

B. Move out with boyfriend/roommate and go to State Uni. (Is that smart?)

C. Go away to school and find a job and live in an apartment/dorm. (Sounds fun but will I be in huge debt afterward? Scary. Plus, what about boyfriend?)

D. My sister recently told me about a Sales Support position opening at her work. I could do something like work in an office and go to school at night? Sounds fun but maybe isolating?

BTW, currently living somewhere in the Midwestern USA.

posted by anon1129 to Education (14 answers total)

D. My sister recently told me about a Sales Support position opening at her work. I could do something like work in an office and go to school at night? Sounds fun but maybe isolating?

Ooh, I really like this idea. At 22 you're not a terrible person for wanting to move out. It will be healthy for you. And being able to work at a full time office job for awhile while living on your own will, in my experience, help you clarify a lot about what you want to do for college before you make an expensive mistake. But I wouldn't go to school at night until you've been at it for awhile. Working 9-5 in an office and living on your own will have its own adjustment period - take your time getting really good at that first before you throw something else into the mix.

I think you're right about not wanting to move in with your BF just yet, a female roommate your own age would be a better bet. Maybe your sister can help you out with that as well.
posted by bleep at 8:38 AM on March 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

Either stay at home or get a low-stakes low-drama roommate. Get a business degree.

The chances of you spending forever with the guy you're dating at 22 is almost none, and those chances decrease if you move in together while still learning how to act like adults. Do not make educational decisions about the actual rest of your life with any consideration for him.

Go into the least amount of debt you can possibly manage. Thirtysomething You who wants to buy a house or a decent car or get married without saddling someone with your enormous debt, or have a baby and stay home for just a couple of months, or just go on a vacation will thank Now You. If that means staying with your parents, suck it up for a couple more years and learn to get along with them as adults.

Even artists have to send out invoices. There are many many disciplines in business that might end up appealing to you, and there will always be some kind of job for you. (Consider: 100 applicants for an entry-level receptionist/admin job. You have a business degree. The resume before yours has an English degree. The one after yours has a Psychology degree. Which one of you is going to be fastest at figuring out how to enter Payables invoices into the accounting system? Which one is most likely to be interested in moving up in the company?)

And there will always be excuses not to save money. Wanting to be a grownup about money is a perfectly good "goal" for saving. Why don't you set yourself a target amount of savings in order to qualify for moving out? Then when you move out...you'll have money for emergencies, instead of NOT having money for emergencies. One of those is a smarter situation than the other.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:47 AM on March 18, 2015 [5 favorites]

My vote would be to move to a place closer to State U and get a roommate. Don't move in with your boyfriend. It's too soon, and it will cause all sorts of chaos in your life if you break up. You want a nice, stable roommate who is not your best friend in the world but with whom you share basic ideas about things like noise and cleanliness.

I think you should go to a state university in your state. You'll get the most bang for your buck that way, and it's likely that your community college classes will transfer easily. State U sounds like a fine choice, but you could also look at other public universities in your state.

Can you get an appointment with someone at State U to talk about major planning? It might be helpful to sit down with someone and discuss the classes you've already taken and how they would plug in to different majors. Call up the admissions people and ask them if there's someone there you could talk to.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 9:03 AM on March 18, 2015

How are you planning to pay for college? Will your family help out? Is there another state college that interests you that is far away enough that you'd have to live there?

It's sweet that your boyfriend wants to share a place, but I urge you not to do that. If you stay in your hometown get a room in a group house, ditto if you go to school elsewhere. You're too old to live in undergraduate dorms, in my opinion. You don't want to live with a bunch of 18 yr olds, right?

A lot of degrees may seem useless, and they are if you don't know how to use them.
posted by mareli at 9:04 AM on March 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: 1. Go to a state school. You will get instate tuition, which will be far, far cheaper and since you don't know exactly what you want to do with your life you'll be able to explore some fields of study at far less expense. Maybe look at a state school a little farther away. Or a major state school that has an outlet closer to your hometown.

2. Set a plan for saving enough to have first and last month's rent at an apartment and at least 3 months of living expenses (food, utilities, internet, a movie once in a while), that will give you a cushion.

3. Start getting in the habit of saving 10% of your income for the long-term. Compound interest is your best friend and ally for securing your financial security.

4. I disagree with the business degree suggestion. I think you should explore a few subject areas and try to pick a major that you are genuinely interested in pursuing a career in. You can instead get on-the-job experience by taking that sales support position. As someone who has been a hiring manager I'm most interested in your work experience.

5. Speak with a career counselor at your current educational institution, maybe they can help you get clearer on what you want to do next.

6. Speak with a guidance counselor at your current educational institution to get more information on the scholarships you might be eligible for.

7. Don't move in with the boyfriend. Learn to live independently (with roommates) first. Learn about what you want and need in a living situation without the added pressure of learning how to be in a relationship with your boyfriend. 5 months is still very, very early and you don't want to sign a one-year lease and then break-up and be stuck in an uncomfortable living situation.
posted by brookeb at 9:09 AM on March 18, 2015 [7 favorites]

Yeah, definitely don't move in with your boyfriend. And don't move out of state to have the college experience, because unless you take a year off to establish residency in your new state, you'll be stuck paying non-resident tuition, which is typically much higher than the tuition rate for residents. For example, tuition at the University of Washington is currently $4,132 per quarter for an undergraduate resident enrolled full-time. Students who come here from other states to get their undergrad pay $11,172 per quarter for the same level of enrollment. Other state universities might not have as high a non-resident cost, but... do you really want to go into that much debt for two years of the college "experience"?

I'd recommend reaching out to student services at the state U near you. See if you can talk to an advisor without being enrolled, so that you can get a better idea of what kind of degrees they offer and what career paths people usually end up on after getting those degrees.
posted by palomar at 9:15 AM on March 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

Go to the state U if it won't put you in debt. Go with a goal in mind: "I want to ... learn how to write better / make lifelong friends / learn a set of employable skills / etc." Don't look at the list of majors to figure out your major. Use your goal. If your goal is to get a job, then pretend you already have that degree and do a job search. What do you think of the job listings? (Are there enough jobs in the> field? Can you imagine enjoying that job for a while?) If you go to school, always always attend office hours. Think of the class as buy one get one free. You attend a lecture, you get office hours free. They are a bonus!

If you don't already, pick one place and start volunteering there. They're great for feeling useful and relevant and learning new things and meeting new people. There are a lot of intangible reasons to volunteer. I'd put it right up there with flossing.

The thing about living on your own is that expenses can fluctuate wildly. This means that in order to stay debt-free, there needs to be a base level of money that is usually in your account and is higher than zero that you leave alone except for emergencies. This number varies based on your lifestyle (rent, location, etc.). Then when you have unexpected expenses, you can go into debt to the bank of yourself! This is a must.

35 minute commutes are usually more fun on bike or in person. Cars in America are traditionally a sign of responsibility and adulthood. Not any more, not for most people! They are an expense that won't help you save money. Won't help you stay physically active. They're a financial and psychological burden. Bicycles are a sign of environmental and financial responsibility. Remember: bicycles need lights, bells, a rack, and fenders. Eventually a trailer for hauling larger loads.

Make a goal of moving in with roommates. If you want to save while not living with your parents, get a job off coolworks.com. It's where you can find summer jobs in amazing places, and most offer free or very reduced rent/food.

Remember to floss. And take up yoga or something else that develops mindfulness.
posted by aniola at 10:29 AM on March 18, 2015

Best answer: Also, just as an anecdotal thing... the degree you get may not have a bearing on the kind of work that you do in the future. I know so many people who have degrees that don't apply to their work: one friend went to art school and got a bachelors of fine arts with an emphasis in photography, she works as a supply chain coordinator for an international manufacturer of drinkware. One friend got a degree in art history, she is a high level manager in retail (think district manager, not store manager). One friend got a degree in anthropology, she's a fundraiser and grant writer for a non-profit org. A lady who sits near me at work? Her degree was in theater production, she works in customer service. Many employers won't be focused on what you studied so much as the fact that you have a degree. And there's no use in doing the work for a degree in a field you have no interest in. I'm in my late thirties and working toward my associates degree to transfer to a 4 year school, and lots of people have been trying to tell me that I'm being foolish by deciding to major in communications instead of a STEM field, because STEM is allegedly where the money is... except that I have no real interest in STEM. It doesn't excite me. But I know about fifty people doing wide and varying kinds of work right now, and they all have comms degrees, and the classes I need for the degree are way more interesting to me than STEM classes, so... why not study what interests me?

What interests you? What classes did you take for your associates degree that really excited you? If nothing really excited you, then... was there a class you absolutely hated?
posted by palomar at 10:50 AM on March 18, 2015

I generally agree with the advice to stay in-state, but if you find an out-of-state school you really like, check to see if there is a tuition discount through the Midwest Student Exchange Program, or another similar tuition reciprocity program.
posted by megancita at 11:27 AM on March 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

Best answer: On the going away to school to get the typical college experience - you probably can't have that now. I think you need to go straight to college from high school to get it. As a 22 year old, you will be 4 years older than the other first years. I did a first year course in my fifth year, and the first years were So Young! I had very little in common with them. So unless you still get on with 18 year olds, you will probably find more friends at a college with more older students. I'm guessing that state schools will be a better fit for you. If you want to go explore the world, look into doing an exchange semester somewhere.

I wouldn't start a degree without knowing what area you want to study and why. Definitely look into the job your sister's suggested, especially if the pay's better and it's a field you could be interested in. Get out there and research your options.
posted by kjs4 at 3:56 PM on March 18, 2015

Hey, one more thought... if that company your sister works for offers education assistance as an employee benefit, then I think the absolute best answer is to look into that job, and if you get it, take some time to get your feet under you and fix your living situation, get everything nice and stable, and then talk to HR/management about how their education assistance program works. If it's like the company I work for, they'll reimburse you for tuition and expenses as long as you maintain a certain GPA and the degree you're working toward is applicable for your current position or a future position with the company. They may also require you to keep working there for a certain time period after being reimbursed, so that they're reaping the benefit of having educated you. (At my company, you have to pay back any funds if you leave within a year of receiving them. So that's probably standard.)
posted by palomar at 5:14 PM on March 18, 2015

Best answer: I'd suggest one of two things:
1. Apply for that job. If they call you, go for the interview with gusto. Prepare and behave like you really want it. You will learn much in the process. If they offer it to you, then you have a choice to make. If they don't, you just had a really valuable experience. If you get and accept the job, then you focus on saving as much money as possible with an eye to going back to school after a year or two. And maybe while you are working, you still do use the housing option in #2.

2. Go to a state university. Consider for housing the idea of renting a room in someone's house. This is not a yeah party option, just an extremely practical and relatively inexpensive one. You would not seek out student roommates. Most likely (if you're lucky) you'd end up renting an extra room in the established home of a single professional or retiree. It will be completely furnished and comfortable and have a full kitchen and laundry. And then you get a job or two, and a student loan and whatever grants you qualify for. And you finish school.

I did this for housing for years and it was incredibly economical and I met some really cool women who became in some cases like family and mentors. I also did the community college AA and General Studies transfer thing. Question: have you taken every possible transfer credit you can? With all of my transfer credits and careful planning I graduated from university after just five quarters and a couple of summer classes. I worked a total of full-time hours at three different jobs and had the basic grants and loans, with not scary high debt. I think I paid $400-500/mo to rent a room with a lovely woman who worked on campus, and never once had to stress about changing roommates, covering someone else's rent, buying furniture, having a sketchy lease go bad. Just some food for thought. If you really want to get out of that house and finish school, you can do it! It might mean some sacrifice of party and play time, but you can strike a balance. Just be smart.
posted by AnOrigamiLife at 10:38 PM on March 18, 2015

Best answer: College, sadly, has become pretty expensive. And with an associates, you will be a junior. You pretty much need to choose your major the first semester. College is (still) a great investment, but wait until you know what you want to study.

Apply for the job. And other jobs. A few years in the workforce will help you decide what you really want--and you won't be slipping into debt as you go. You will be a much better student when you return.

As for the boyfriend--make no life decisions on someone you have known for a few months. If he is the right guy he will support you.
posted by LarryC at 10:56 PM on March 18, 2015

Response by poster: So, I have no saved up money for college and my parents didn't save any either. It'd be coming all from loans. I've been doing some more thinking, and made a plan for saving money to move out or whatever I moght need it for. I'm not sure what I want to study so Im thinking about holding off on school for now perhaps... Maybe thinking about a business degree, my boyfriend currently has that degree though and is having a pretty tough time finding a job... If and when I do go to school I'll probably go to the state U in my city. Thanks for all the answers! You guys rock.
posted by anon1129 at 3:21 PM on March 26, 2015 [1 favorite]