Harassment from boss at work. How should my friend go about this?
March 15, 2015 10:46 AM Subscribe
I am asking this question for my friend, who is in his thirties. He says he is having issues with his boss at work. He works in retail, and has an auditory processing disorder (he got hired because of SSI). He feels she is insinuating that he is incompetent at his job in front of coworkers, and he is never able to say anything back because his brain freezes up. He wants to quit. How should he handle this situation?
She seems distrustful of him, even though he is doing his job. On two occasions she called him into the office; he suspects this was in order to make him look incompetent in front of employees - she's done it before, in front of a few other employees. She asks questions like "What have you been doing for the last five hours?" and "What color broom were you using?" "It only takes one hour to sweep". Things like that. He says she always has an annoyed/condescending tone to her voice.
This frustrates my friend because he is doing his best in his job, and does not think he deserves this kind of treatment. He has an auditory processing problem and is very sensitive about it. He got hired on disability at the retail store he works at. He isn't the fastest at finishing his job, but it's not for lack of trying. The boss has remarked very rudely on several occasions about my friend's inability to follow directions, even though he says he is trying his best.
He used to be bullied in school, and has a hard time being assertive. He freezes up when he feels he's being confronted, and nothing comes out. He says his brain just doesn't work when he's being told a lot of things at once; he can't think on his feet. He confided in me that he has an anger problem as well, so if he says something back to her he's afraid he'll go too far (like shout "**** you" at the boss, things like that).
What do you think my friend should do? He does not know how to confront this situation. I suggested that he could go to his union and describe what is going on, and ask to file a grievance or apply for a transfer. Talking to his boss is also an option, but like I said he's worried that he will overreact and escalate things too far. His morale is very low, as he believes that whatever he does concerning his problem will make things worse. He told me he wants to quit as soon as possible, as he feels very uncomfortable going to work. Thank you for your time.
She seems distrustful of him, even though he is doing his job. On two occasions she called him into the office; he suspects this was in order to make him look incompetent in front of employees - she's done it before, in front of a few other employees. She asks questions like "What have you been doing for the last five hours?" and "What color broom were you using?" "It only takes one hour to sweep". Things like that. He says she always has an annoyed/condescending tone to her voice.
This frustrates my friend because he is doing his best in his job, and does not think he deserves this kind of treatment. He has an auditory processing problem and is very sensitive about it. He got hired on disability at the retail store he works at. He isn't the fastest at finishing his job, but it's not for lack of trying. The boss has remarked very rudely on several occasions about my friend's inability to follow directions, even though he says he is trying his best.
He used to be bullied in school, and has a hard time being assertive. He freezes up when he feels he's being confronted, and nothing comes out. He says his brain just doesn't work when he's being told a lot of things at once; he can't think on his feet. He confided in me that he has an anger problem as well, so if he says something back to her he's afraid he'll go too far (like shout "**** you" at the boss, things like that).
What do you think my friend should do? He does not know how to confront this situation. I suggested that he could go to his union and describe what is going on, and ask to file a grievance or apply for a transfer. Talking to his boss is also an option, but like I said he's worried that he will overreact and escalate things too far. His morale is very low, as he believes that whatever he does concerning his problem will make things worse. He told me he wants to quit as soon as possible, as he feels very uncomfortable going to work. Thank you for your time.
I think my first step would be asking his boss if he can have a sit down conversation with her. If he struggles with auditory processing, it might help to have a script. He can even write it down and bring it in with him if that would help!
Once they're sitting down to talk, I'd ask "I'm concerned that you are not satisfied with my work. Can you help me understand what I could be doing better?"
Take notes. Listen carefully. (His notes, by the way, are documentation). When his boss stops speaking, say "I heard you said it would help if I..." and then read off the notes he's taken, reflecting back to her. If what she says is reasonable, I'd suggest saying "I appreciate you letting me know about your concerns. I'm going to try to implement (choose two or three achievable actions). Could we check back in on my progress in a couple of weeks?"
Keep the notes. Document the meeting via email, if possible. If she has a work email, send her an email synopsis of the meeting, thanking her for the meeting and identifying the next steps you've agreed to. If you don't have an email way of doing this, email yourself and keep it for documentation.
Start documenting every incident that occurs. Do this via email as well, writing down the day and time and who saw events, etc.
Have a script for anything inappropriate that the boss says. Practice it ahead of time. "I feel uncomfortable when you say X, boss. If you have any concerns about my work performance, I'd prefer you share them with me privately."
If this continues or escalates, absolutely go to the union.
posted by arnicae at 11:06 AM on March 15, 2015 [4 favorites]
Once they're sitting down to talk, I'd ask "I'm concerned that you are not satisfied with my work. Can you help me understand what I could be doing better?"
Take notes. Listen carefully. (His notes, by the way, are documentation). When his boss stops speaking, say "I heard you said it would help if I..." and then read off the notes he's taken, reflecting back to her. If what she says is reasonable, I'd suggest saying "I appreciate you letting me know about your concerns. I'm going to try to implement (choose two or three achievable actions). Could we check back in on my progress in a couple of weeks?"
Keep the notes. Document the meeting via email, if possible. If she has a work email, send her an email synopsis of the meeting, thanking her for the meeting and identifying the next steps you've agreed to. If you don't have an email way of doing this, email yourself and keep it for documentation.
Start documenting every incident that occurs. Do this via email as well, writing down the day and time and who saw events, etc.
Have a script for anything inappropriate that the boss says. Practice it ahead of time. "I feel uncomfortable when you say X, boss. If you have any concerns about my work performance, I'd prefer you share them with me privately."
If this continues or escalates, absolutely go to the union.
posted by arnicae at 11:06 AM on March 15, 2015 [4 favorites]
As his friend, I'd encourage him to have thicker skin about this situation. Just tell him to take it passively and let it roll off his back. In his free time he should be looking for another job. Confronting a manager is unwise. There are a lot of poor managers with bad people skills, pick favorites, etc. No one should have to put up with bullying in the workplace in a perfect world, but unfortunately it is quite common. So, encourage him to not react or let it get the best of him, since she sounds like she's made him her target, and the situation will improve either when she leaves the company or he takes another job.
posted by MeFiMouse at 11:08 AM on March 15, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by MeFiMouse at 11:08 AM on March 15, 2015 [3 favorites]
Definitely he should talk to his union rep. He might also consider asking HR for specific accommodations for his disability, but they have to be "reasonable" accommodations that allow the job to actually get done. He should think about what this might look like for him. Would it help to get a written list of assignments? Is there quiet "back room" work he can do when there are crowds of customers?
His manager may be unkind and dismissive, but it doesn't sound like she's doing anything that meets the U.S. legal definition of harassment.
Is there some reason why you don't think he should just look for a better job? He's not on good terms with his manager, and if he says his brain doesn't work well when he's being told a lot of things at once, retail work may not be a good fit for him.
posted by timeo danaos at 11:19 AM on March 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
His manager may be unkind and dismissive, but it doesn't sound like she's doing anything that meets the U.S. legal definition of harassment.
Is there some reason why you don't think he should just look for a better job? He's not on good terms with his manager, and if he says his brain doesn't work well when he's being told a lot of things at once, retail work may not be a good fit for him.
posted by timeo danaos at 11:19 AM on March 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also, is your friend confident he is actually doing what he is supposed to be doing? Irrespective of the manager's poor social skills the fact that you say 'he is trying' several times but not that he 'he does' makes me wonder if there is a fundamental disconnect between what he thinks he should do and what he does. So that would be something to explore and there are good scripts up thread for how to do that. And yes, he should probably look for a different job and make sure the environment is more conducive to him doing well, if that is not the case at the moment.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:29 AM on March 15, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:29 AM on March 15, 2015 [5 favorites]
Did he get the job through some sort of vocational rehab program? If so, he could talk to his case manager from that program about what's going on, and they may have some ideas, too.
posted by jaguar at 11:56 AM on March 15, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by jaguar at 11:56 AM on March 15, 2015 [16 favorites]
Unfortunately, being an asshole is not illegal, especially in retail as I understand it, so your friend is going to have to toughen up to some extent.
That said, (and IANAL, but it might be worth talking to one) your friend has a prima facie case of discrimination under the ADA pretty much all wrapped up with a bow on it. They probably know this. This would put the burden on the employer to show a legitimate non-discriminatory reason for any adverse action against him.
What this means is your friend has to be very careful not to give them a conduct-related reason. Telling the boss to fuck off would be a bad, bad move. The answer to any and all abuse is "Ok, boss. I'll try. Doing my best."
He might also look into getting a reasonable accommodation for getting instructions in writing, or something like that to help with his disability. A hostile work environment complaint might be possible, too, but that's really getting into lawyer territory.
That's assuming he wants to keep this job. They're required to be non-discriminatory, but you can't make them be nice people.
posted by ctmf at 12:04 PM on March 15, 2015
That said, (and IANAL, but it might be worth talking to one) your friend has a prima facie case of discrimination under the ADA pretty much all wrapped up with a bow on it. They probably know this. This would put the burden on the employer to show a legitimate non-discriminatory reason for any adverse action against him.
What this means is your friend has to be very careful not to give them a conduct-related reason. Telling the boss to fuck off would be a bad, bad move. The answer to any and all abuse is "Ok, boss. I'll try. Doing my best."
He might also look into getting a reasonable accommodation for getting instructions in writing, or something like that to help with his disability. A hostile work environment complaint might be possible, too, but that's really getting into lawyer territory.
That's assuming he wants to keep this job. They're required to be non-discriminatory, but you can't make them be nice people.
posted by ctmf at 12:04 PM on March 15, 2015
He could practice saying "I have an auditory processing disorder, as you well know. If you have an issue with my work, I'll need it in writing." And he can literally just keep repeating that, no matter how she harangues him.
Chances are very high that she won't take that step.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:34 PM on March 15, 2015 [7 favorites]
Chances are very high that she won't take that step.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:34 PM on March 15, 2015 [7 favorites]
If he has a union job in this economy, he shouldn't just quit based on what you've reported. If he was placed through vocational program, he should contact someone there to discuss. Otherwise he could try his union rep, with the attitude of "help me understand what the issue is!" and not be super defensive from the get go. Maybe he could request a sit-down meeting with his boss and union rep, so they can all be clear on his job duties and how he can ensure he's doing the right thing.
There's something missing here and I don't think it's worth quitting over right now!
posted by barnone at 2:02 PM on March 15, 2015 [3 favorites]
There's something missing here and I don't think it's worth quitting over right now!
posted by barnone at 2:02 PM on March 15, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm sorry that your friend is having a hard go of it. I'm wondering if this is his first time in the workforce? People have made a lot of good points already. One thing jumped out at me in your post:
The boss is questioning the employee's work performance; this frustrates the employee because he feels that he "did his best". You say that he isn't very fast at completing his work, but "not for lack of trying".
The suggestion being that the boss is therefore out of line?
Not to sound harsh, but on the job, there are no medals for "participation". Trying your best is expected, but it's getting the job done that counts. An employee is given a task and either meets their employer's expectations or doesn't. Unfortunately, it sounds as though your friend is struggling to meet the job requirements.
Also, nothing in your post indicates that he's being harassed. An annoyed boss who's trying to figure out how an under-performing employee spent the last 5 hours is - well, a boss. I've been there, many of us have.
To be sure, this boss may be rude or lacking in patience. And your friend is dealing with challenges that other employees may not face. I commend him for trying hard.
But if he hopes to stay gainfully employed, even pursue a career, with a disability that isn't going away anytime soon -- I'd suggest that he put some thought into what employment is really all about. He can either quit this (and every future) job, or he can put his energy into understanding what's expected of him and getting the job done in a way that makes both him and his employer happy.
Tell him good luck.
posted by falldownpaul at 2:38 PM on March 15, 2015 [9 favorites]
The boss is questioning the employee's work performance; this frustrates the employee because he feels that he "did his best". You say that he isn't very fast at completing his work, but "not for lack of trying".
The suggestion being that the boss is therefore out of line?
Not to sound harsh, but on the job, there are no medals for "participation". Trying your best is expected, but it's getting the job done that counts. An employee is given a task and either meets their employer's expectations or doesn't. Unfortunately, it sounds as though your friend is struggling to meet the job requirements.
Also, nothing in your post indicates that he's being harassed. An annoyed boss who's trying to figure out how an under-performing employee spent the last 5 hours is - well, a boss. I've been there, many of us have.
To be sure, this boss may be rude or lacking in patience. And your friend is dealing with challenges that other employees may not face. I commend him for trying hard.
But if he hopes to stay gainfully employed, even pursue a career, with a disability that isn't going away anytime soon -- I'd suggest that he put some thought into what employment is really all about. He can either quit this (and every future) job, or he can put his energy into understanding what's expected of him and getting the job done in a way that makes both him and his employer happy.
Tell him good luck.
posted by falldownpaul at 2:38 PM on March 15, 2015 [9 favorites]
He should make sure he's reading the situation correctly. She could be calling him into her office because she needs to talk to him about performance and wants to be sensitive to his disability. Has she made any formal complaints? What would be the basis for the grievance, if he filed one? I agree with talking to the union rep in order to get advice about how to manage the conflict in a documented way-- but a perceived tone of voice and private conversations do not constitute harassment, IMO.
posted by frumiousb at 4:55 PM on March 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by frumiousb at 4:55 PM on March 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
This doesn't sound like harassment to me so much as a boss who isn't a great "people person" and is sort of insensitive, and potentially some struggles on the part of your friend in completing the job at the required level. Like many above, I wonder if requesting job instructions in a written format/checklist would be a good accomodation here, because of course it's a real problem for everyone if he's receiving instructions verbally, not understanding them, and then failing to complete the required tasks.
I'm also curious what's going on with the slowness in completing tasks. If it really does take other employees 1 hour to complete the sweeping task, but it takes your friend 5 hours, then I can see why his boss is annoyed. Is the slow completion happening:
a) because he's not understanding what he's supposed to be doing
b) due to some other factor related to his disability
c) because he's just not very good at this job for some reason
etc. etc. I feel like all of these reasons would have a different potential solution. Specifically, if it's a) or b), I think he can reasonably/legally ask for various accomodations to help with that. If it's c), then the best recourse is probably to look for a different job that his skill set is better suited to.
I would also mentally try to reframe this away from a "harassment" mindset, unless your friend really does have evidence to believe that he is being targetted because of his disability (as opposed to a boss who is bad with managing everyone, or is responding to his slowness/lack of completing the job he is being hired for). I agree it would be super stressful to go to work when you feel like you're being discriminated against...and if that is really happening, of course take whatever means you need to to rectify the situation. But if this is more a case of "manager is just a difficult person," or "I need to step up my game at work," this lowers the stakes a bit and I think might help your friend relax and take more measured approaches to improving things on both fronts.
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:23 AM on March 16, 2015
I'm also curious what's going on with the slowness in completing tasks. If it really does take other employees 1 hour to complete the sweeping task, but it takes your friend 5 hours, then I can see why his boss is annoyed. Is the slow completion happening:
a) because he's not understanding what he's supposed to be doing
b) due to some other factor related to his disability
c) because he's just not very good at this job for some reason
etc. etc. I feel like all of these reasons would have a different potential solution. Specifically, if it's a) or b), I think he can reasonably/legally ask for various accomodations to help with that. If it's c), then the best recourse is probably to look for a different job that his skill set is better suited to.
I would also mentally try to reframe this away from a "harassment" mindset, unless your friend really does have evidence to believe that he is being targetted because of his disability (as opposed to a boss who is bad with managing everyone, or is responding to his slowness/lack of completing the job he is being hired for). I agree it would be super stressful to go to work when you feel like you're being discriminated against...and if that is really happening, of course take whatever means you need to to rectify the situation. But if this is more a case of "manager is just a difficult person," or "I need to step up my game at work," this lowers the stakes a bit and I think might help your friend relax and take more measured approaches to improving things on both fronts.
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:23 AM on March 16, 2015
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:01 AM on March 15, 2015 [7 favorites]