OK to open this mail?

January 7, 2015 8:04 AM

A misaddressed wedding invitation with no return address turned up in my mailbox. Should I open it and let the wedding couple know this guest did not receive his invite? Extenuating circumstances inside.

We recently moved, and our mail is being forwarded to our new address. Yesterday I received what is very clearly a wedding invitation -- it is very thick with multiple items inside, and stamped with a "wedding cake" extra postage stamp. However, it is addressed to "John Jones", a previous resident of our old house, but with our new street address. There is no return address on the envelope.

I recognize "John Jones" because we used to occasionally get junk mail for him at the old house. Nothing forwardable, just fliers and catalogs. I have no idea why the senders of this invitation, who must know him in some way, would send to our new address. The invite is actually addressed to him here -- it was not forwarded from the old address.

Is it OK to open this and contact the sender with the response card (which I am pretty certain is inside)? I am afraid if I just stick it back in the mailbox with "not at this address" scrawled across the front it will end up as a dead letter, as there is no return address on the outer envelope. I would love for the wedding couple & Mr. Jones to get in touch, and would also love to not have Mr. Jones' mail following me for the rest of my life. However, I know tampering with the mail is a big no-no. Please advise!

posted by apparently to Law & Government (35 answers total)

In this case I would open it and use the return info inside to get it back to the couple....also include a note explaining the situation....you are not "John Jones" and he has never lived at your current address.
posted by Captain_Science at 8:07 AM on January 7, 2015 [7 favorites]

Is John Jones the immediately previous owner of the house? Did he leave you with a forwarding address?

Otherwise, I'd do what you are proposing. It's unlikely that the couple will prosecute you for mail tampering -- they obviously wanted to invite Mr. Jones to their wedding, and so would like him to get an invitation.
posted by tckma at 8:07 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think it's Ok to open. You can probably find a wedding website with contact info, which saves you the trouble of mailing the invite back.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:08 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I don't know the letter of the law, but I do know what I'd want you to do if I were either a member of the wedding couple or John Jones. I also am pretty sure that even if it violated the letter of the law, neither party will turn you in to the Postal Inspection Service, and that if they were somehow insane enough to do so, the Postal Service has better things to do with their time.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:09 AM on January 7, 2015 [18 favorites]

These folks clearly are not that close with Mr. Jones. They took a shot in the dark. I would open it and reply on the return card that this is an incorrect address and there is not additional information available. Wish them a long, healthy and prosperous marriage.
posted by 724A at 8:10 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

Best answer: As someone currently planning our wedding and sending out invites I would really REALLY appreciate it if someone opened it and told me that.
posted by magnetsphere at 8:14 AM on January 7, 2015 [44 favorites]

It would be extremely plausible to say that you opened the letter without noticing to whom it was addressed. I know I don't typically check before I open mail at my house.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:14 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

18 U.S. Code § 1702 - Obstruction of correspondence:

Whoever takes any letter, postal card, or package out of any post office or any authorized depository for mail matter, or from any letter or mail carrier, or which has been in any post office or authorized depository, or in the custody of any letter or mail carrier, before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed, with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another, or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.

Technically speaking, yes, this is against the law. Practically speaking, there is no way you would ever be prosecuted for what is essentially assisting the USPS and the couple sending the invitation.
posted by Etrigan at 8:16 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

You're okay. We do this all the time because we get a lot of mail for an assisted living facility. Once I even personally delivered the mail so I could let the resident know. Nobody minds if you're helping.
posted by michaelh at 8:26 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

By the way, if you want to be extra gracious, you could send back the entire contents, not just the reply card, so they can reuse them, as that packet probably cost a few bucks.
posted by bq at 8:29 AM on January 7, 2015 [7 favorites]

Etrigan: I don't think it's against the law. The key part of what you posted is:

", with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another"

Maybe you're referring to this part:

"or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys the same"

But that's really bizarre wording as it doesn't say what "same" refers to. Does it refer to "the business or secrets of another" or to the correspondence?
posted by I-baLL at 8:30 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Why beanplate? A letter was delivered to your address, you opened it without noticing the misaddress, you contact the senders and etc.

I live in a condo building where this has happened to me, as either opener or hapless "victim" of mail and packages opened in error, at least a dozen times over the years.
posted by Chitownfats at 8:31 AM on January 7, 2015

If it really bugs you to open the card, you could check to see if the engaged couple's names are on the return address. Then google them. Then gape at all of the places they're registered, and probably even find their wedding website - which might have contact info and probably has a guestbook.

That's the kind of nervous thing I would do in this situation, before I just gave up and opened the card for the info I needed.
posted by Coatlicue at 8:31 AM on January 7, 2015

Oh, I'm dumb, I didn't see there was no return address. Open the shit out of that card.
posted by Coatlicue at 8:34 AM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

If there were a return address, I'd put it into a larger envelope and mail it there with an unsigned note that the recipient isn't at that address.

With no return address, I would probably either pitch it or do the NOT AT THIS ADDRESS thing if I felt like being super honest and letting the USPS throw it away for me. I know that makes me a dick, but, well, people often aren't at their best and most clear-headed when they're going through wedding planning and you get mixed up with other people's drama at your own peril.

I don't need the agita of, I dunno, do you have an address for Mr Jones and why wouldn't you have an address for Mr Jones and I think you have an address for Mr Jones and are just fucking with me to ruin my bride's wedding day I mean look you were roomates or something look it's really important and I'm super busy I have to go get fitted for a tux why don't you just find an address for Mr Jones kthxbye. Or why did you open that that was personal for Mr Jones and we had just enough envelopes and now we need more stationery and it was all hand-whatevered and will cost eight billion dollars and we expect you to pay for that and if you don't we'll call the post office on you. Or even oh gee thanks so much we can't ever thank you enough why don't you come to the wedding it's only a quick trip to Proxima.

(Really? No return address? Really? Are they Vandals or possibly horses?)
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:41 AM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

I'm confused as to why you're so worried about this. Are you really, truly imagining that if you contact this couple they are going to report you to the police? Or that, if they did so, the police would do anything at all besides laugh at them??

This seems like a very clearcut case where the kind thing to do is open the invidation and send the RSVP card back. Unless there is some sort of weird element to this story you're not telling us (John is involved in some type of criminal enterprise and you don't want any association/contact, this couple is stalking you in a super strange way, etc.) I do not see why this is any issue at all. Obviously it's not an obligation and if you forgot about it and didn't end up sending the RSVP card back no one would blame you (after all, plenty of ACTUAL wedding guests let this slip away with everything they're doing). But assuming you remember/find the time/etc. just go for it and be nice to this couple!
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:43 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

If you were John Jones, wouldn't you want someone to assist in getting the wedding invitation to you? I'd be happy to have someone open it rather than potentially worry about why I didn't get an invite to the wedding.

Also, I'm beyond baffled how the invite senders could possibly have your new address. Am I missing something?
posted by Adam_S at 8:47 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

@Adam_S the invitation senders have John Jone's old address, which is also now the poster's former address, but they are having their mail forwarded to their new address.


Open that ish, they surely need to have an address or some contact info inside to let them know aboout the mistake!
posted by WeekendJen at 8:50 AM on January 7, 2015

You are overthinking this. Of course you should send it back and explain that they have the wrong address. It is the kind thing to do, and no one will get you in trouble for it.
posted by barnoley at 8:54 AM on January 7, 2015

Well, the original poster said it was addressed to "our new street address", which suggested to me it was intentionally addressed that way by the invite senders, not simply forwarded from their old one. I can't imagine how the invite senders would know this new address.
posted by Adam_S at 8:54 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: The invite is actually addressed to him here -- it was not forwarded from the old address.

In addition to letting the senders know, I'd check with USPS to see if they are erroneously listing him as one of the people whose mail should be forwarded to your address. There are ways for senders to get the new address of someone who has forwarded their mail, so somewhere his name could be tied to your new address.
posted by soelo at 8:56 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Is there a way for you to contact John Jones directly? Google, Facebook or something like that?

If not, open it. And make sure you get JJ's current phone number/address, just in case...
posted by divina_y_humilde at 9:02 AM on January 7, 2015

Nobody minds if you're helping.

I'd be mad if I found out someone meddled by opening my mail without my consent and violated my privacy regardless of how heartfelt their intentions were.

The point of RSVP's is to alert the bride and groom over whether they need to make accommodations (food, extra seating) for the invitees if they don't get a response from Mr Jones their not out the extra costs. One could also assume the bride and/or groom know Mr Jones and would see him well before the wedding to ask, "we didn't get a response to the invitation we sent, are you coming to the wedding?"
posted by squeak at 9:10 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

They're idiots for not having a return address on the envelope. I would definitely open it and see if there is a return address or wedding website or some way to contact them. I think it's really nice of you to go out of your way to do this.

Yes technically you're not supposed to open someone's mail but *nobody* is going to come after you for this. It's not some super-secret love letter, it's an invitation, and you are making an effort to make sure that it gets to the right person.
posted by radioamy at 9:23 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: You can give the envelope back to the letter carrier or take it to the post office. The Nixie clerk can take care of it. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nixie_(postal)
posted by X4ster at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm guessing the senders must have made an address service request to the Post Office. I can't see how else they would actually get the new address.

This is something that is usually used by businesses but technically is available to anyone. The way it works is you print "Address Service Requested" on an envelope to an address and in addition to forwarding your mail to the new address, they will - for some small fee - also send you a card telling you what the new address is for Person X.

OP says they've gotten John Jones' mail forwarded along with theirs in the past. I assume the senders must have done this on some previous mail and the PO sent back a card saying that all mail for the old address is now being sent to this new address. The USPS wouldn't really differentiate between his name and yours, they're probably just forwarding everything, and that's what they said. If it's not that, I can only assume you're being stalked.
posted by Naberius at 9:41 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I know what I would do, and that is to let the people planning the wedding know that an intended guest's invitation was misdelivered. That would require opening the invitation and sending it back to them. Please do that, even though yes, they were quite foolish not to put a return address on the envelope.
posted by Dolley at 10:04 AM on January 7, 2015

I would not trust the Nixie, since the postal service has already determined that your address is valid for the recipient who lived at your previous address before you did, and is thus forwarding his mail to you. Given enough time I would send this question to the Ethicist column at the NYT since there is no one correct answer (either you break the law opening mail not intended for you, or you fail to assist someone when such assistance requires no expense further than an email or phone call).

Not given enough time, I would lean on the story that you opened the envelope before you saw the recipient's name, and given the lack of return address you are reaching out to the sender to let them know that the postal service provided an incorrect forwarding address for Mr. Jones.

I would then contact the postmaster at your old address to make sure that they correct their database. Based on my own experience with debt collectors who sent mail intended for my old upstairs neighbor to his name at my own new address I would not actually expect the fix to stick, but you could try.
posted by fedward at 10:21 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

If they don't even have the recipient's current address, they're not that close to him, don't expect him to attend, and are just sending the invitation as some sort of formality because some relative is telling them, "You can't not invite Uncle John!" even though nobody's heard from him for the past ten years. If it were that crucial for them to know if he was or wasn't attending, they'd make sure to 1) Have an address that wasn't three years old; and 2) Put their damn return address on it so they'd receive notice that they needed to find some other way to contact him.

Stay out of their drama and save your time. Write "no longer at this address" on the envelope, drop it in a mailbox, and move on.
posted by Leatherstocking at 11:06 AM on January 7, 2015

I had almost exactly this situation a couple of years ago, except that I opened the invitation before I saw the name. In my case, I looked at the address on the RSVP a card, wrote it where it 'should" have been on the envelope, then added "opened in error, not at this address" and put the whole taped-up package into the mailbox. Nobody complained.
posted by rpfields at 11:46 AM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

I-baLL: Both "the same" and "with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another" refer to "Whoever takes any letter, postal card, or package...".

So you can read the law as "Whoever takes... with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another" and as "Whoever takes... or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys [any letter, postal card, or package]...". I have no idea why they didn't just say "Whoever takes, opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys any letter, postal card, or package...", but that's what they meant, because doing any of those other things can be done without "taking" mail -- e.g., if you burn someone's mailbox without opening it, you're in violation of this law even though you didn't take the mail.
posted by Etrigan at 12:35 PM on January 7, 2015

(Really? No return address? Really? Are they Vandals or possibly horses?

Try checking on the back flap of the envelope or inside. There usually are return addresses on wedding envelopes, but people put them in funny (traditional) places.
posted by corb at 1:15 PM on January 7, 2015

+1 that if you're worried about being accused of any sort of malfeasance, you definitely could just pretend that you assumed it was for you since it looked fun and invitation-y and didn't have any sort of forwarding sticker on it, and only thought to look at the address once you'd already ripped open the envelope and realized the sender's name didn't look familiar.
posted by town of cats at 3:33 PM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

We just sent out the save the dates for our wedding, and managed to put the old address of good friends on one. The person who lives in their old house emailed us via our website, which we hugely appreciated. I'm sure this couple would rather know as soon as possible that one of their invites has gone astray.
posted by featherboa at 1:50 AM on January 8, 2015

Open the envelope, get the return address off the RSVP, write it on the outer envelope, seal everything up, write "Return to sender--addressee not at address" and drop it back in the post.
posted by Polychrome at 2:34 AM on January 8, 2015 [4 favorites]