Is it really bad taste to send online wedding invitations?
November 19, 2014 11:33 PM Subscribe
We just got our wedding date and venue booked, and it's set for April, so we really need to get going on the invitations. So we were thinking of online wedding invitations. Is this even a thing? We recently got invited to a baby shower through this site where they sent us a cute e-card with an option to RSVP, enter how many guests, etc., and it just seemed pretty streamlined and neat. Just wondering if anyone has done it this way before. Thanks.
I received two wedding invitations this past summer. One sent a paper invitation, with an online RSVP option (using Appy Couple). The other was a completely online invitation & RSVP (using Paperless Post). I'm not familiar with what other options are out there, but as a guest, I found the online option totally awesome and convenient.
[disclaimer - I'm more of a 'Hints from Heloise' rather than 'Miss Manners' person, so don't really know (or care) about what's conventionally considered "bad taste"]
posted by raztaj at 11:49 PM on November 19, 2014
[disclaimer - I'm more of a 'Hints from Heloise' rather than 'Miss Manners' person, so don't really know (or care) about what's conventionally considered "bad taste"]
posted by raztaj at 11:49 PM on November 19, 2014
To me it depends on the level of formality of your wedding.
It would be sort of ridiculous to get an evite for a formal evening wedding held in a cathedral with a sit down dinner and dancing reception with live band.
But yeah if you guys are just throwing a shindig in the local VFW hall and the groom is going to wear suspenders and a bow-tie and you were thinking of walking down the aisle to Mister Blue Sky played off your phone plugged into a big speaker, yeah, that's fine.
Also, it's worth keeping in mind that you might have older guests who aren't that computer savvy. You may want to do a small run of paper invites for those folks.
Another thing: it's not customary to send invitations until about six weeks before the wedding, anyway. Unless paper invites aren't possible because of some insane amount of lead-time, I don't see why time is a factor here at all. You're probably going to want to send (paper!) save the date cards sooner than you'd send the official invitation.
posted by Sara C. at 11:53 PM on November 19, 2014 [14 favorites]
It would be sort of ridiculous to get an evite for a formal evening wedding held in a cathedral with a sit down dinner and dancing reception with live band.
But yeah if you guys are just throwing a shindig in the local VFW hall and the groom is going to wear suspenders and a bow-tie and you were thinking of walking down the aisle to Mister Blue Sky played off your phone plugged into a big speaker, yeah, that's fine.
Also, it's worth keeping in mind that you might have older guests who aren't that computer savvy. You may want to do a small run of paper invites for those folks.
Another thing: it's not customary to send invitations until about six weeks before the wedding, anyway. Unless paper invites aren't possible because of some insane amount of lead-time, I don't see why time is a factor here at all. You're probably going to want to send (paper!) save the date cards sooner than you'd send the official invitation.
posted by Sara C. at 11:53 PM on November 19, 2014 [14 favorites]
I don't think it's bad taste but it can be a bit annoying, depending on the site you use and how you send the invites. I just wanted to check timings for a wedding, so I had to go back through Facebook conversations, find the group chat with the link to the site, follow the link, oops, go back, get the password, oh it's in Flash so doesn't work on my device, repeat process later on desktop machine, wade through crappy slideshow searching for info... I'm sure it doesn't have to be like this though! Also depends on whether the majority of your guests are online, tech confident etc.
posted by KateViolet at 11:53 PM on November 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by KateViolet at 11:53 PM on November 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
I would be totally OK with receiving an online invitation. If you do send them this way, please make sure that there are as few hurdles as possible to getting replies. I don't want to have to create a Facebook account just to say I'm coming to your wedding, for example.
Also, not everyone will have access to the internet or be able to use it as easily as you and I. Perhaps elderly relatives might appreciate something through the post.
posted by Solomon at 12:03 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Also, not everyone will have access to the internet or be able to use it as easily as you and I. Perhaps elderly relatives might appreciate something through the post.
posted by Solomon at 12:03 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
A friend of mine used Paperless Post for his wedding invitations, and it was super convenient and streamlined and nice. We also used Paperless Post for save the dates and paper invitations from Minted. Both services were super convenient and easy to use.
Is it in bad taste? I really don't think so. I was really happy with Paperless Post. I think it just depends on your tastes and what's important to you.
posted by nerdfish at 12:55 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Is it in bad taste? I really don't think so. I was really happy with Paperless Post. I think it just depends on your tastes and what's important to you.
posted by nerdfish at 12:55 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
A lot of folks have commented on etiquette, which is always up to interpretation plus you know your guests better to know whether an online invitation would be insulting. Personally, I would like to think that folks invited to my wedding would be excited and happy about it and wouldn't give a crap about how they were invited.
One thing I would caution is don't underestimate the difficulty some folks have with email, computers, and using them frequently. You might have an old email address they don't check. They may be out of town, the email sits in their inbox and eventually falls off the first page into the abyss. Also, email deliverability is not 100% and your email might be sitting in their junk/spam folder. All those end up being RSVPs you want to chase down.
posted by wangarific at 3:40 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
One thing I would caution is don't underestimate the difficulty some folks have with email, computers, and using them frequently. You might have an old email address they don't check. They may be out of town, the email sits in their inbox and eventually falls off the first page into the abyss. Also, email deliverability is not 100% and your email might be sitting in their junk/spam folder. All those end up being RSVPs you want to chase down.
posted by wangarific at 3:40 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
We did electronic invites because we had two weeks between picking a date and the actual wedding (family member was dying). I still wish we'd done paper invites, even though it would have been ridiculous in this case.
April is soon, but not so soon that waiting another two weeks before the invites go out will mess anything up. Don't take the risk of offending more traditional family members and friends -- do the paper invites.
posted by third word on a random page at 3:43 AM on November 20, 2014
April is soon, but not so soon that waiting another two weeks before the invites go out will mess anything up. Don't take the risk of offending more traditional family members and friends -- do the paper invites.
posted by third word on a random page at 3:43 AM on November 20, 2014
The main problem with e-invites is if you are inviting relatives, you may find that a generation may not have email/check it very often, and you would be much better off sending an invite to them by post.
I think the idea that any form of invite can be considered rude... odd to say the least. The nice thing is being invited to someone's wedding, so taking offence that they didn't post it to you is... bizzare.
posted by Cannon Fodder at 3:55 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I think the idea that any form of invite can be considered rude... odd to say the least. The nice thing is being invited to someone's wedding, so taking offence that they didn't post it to you is... bizzare.
posted by Cannon Fodder at 3:55 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would be totally okay with an electronic invitation and would commend you for not being wasteful. Do it up! Maybe you could have paper copies for the folks who might not use e-mail/internet, but even those are becoming fewer and fewer all the time.
posted by futureisunwritten at 3:59 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by futureisunwritten at 3:59 AM on November 20, 2014
I sent out paper invites and printed out information books to people who were not regular computer users (with a link to the website just in case) but for many of my friends a printed invite/info booklet and RSVP card is an unwelcome hoop to jump through.
So in my opinion it would have been rude/an imposition to send them paper in the same way that it would be an imposition to send my grandmother a gCal invite and a website link.
So consider your audience and do what they would like.
An electronic invitation gives me a far more positive impression than a paper invite, because it integrates with how I organise my life and it shows me that the person inviting me to said wedding knows me well enough to know that. Manners and etiquette should always be about giving due care and attention to how people want to interact, not an ossified set of rules for rules sake.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:02 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
So in my opinion it would have been rude/an imposition to send them paper in the same way that it would be an imposition to send my grandmother a gCal invite and a website link.
So consider your audience and do what they would like.
An electronic invitation gives me a far more positive impression than a paper invite, because it integrates with how I organise my life and it shows me that the person inviting me to said wedding knows me well enough to know that. Manners and etiquette should always be about giving due care and attention to how people want to interact, not an ossified set of rules for rules sake.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:02 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Since the wedding isn't for several months, 'lack of time' is a red herring --- as someone else mentions above, invitations are usually sent out about six weeks before the actual wedding date. You probably want to send out hold-the-date notes now, though; those I'd be fine with as either paper or electronic versions.
As for the invitations themselves, it'd totally depend on the level of formality of your wedding: e-invites would be fine for a small, casual backyard-type of a wedding, but not for a larger and/or more formal wedding. Also, there will almost always be someone --- not just the elderly! --- who spends little to no time online, doesn't have the experience or desire to hunt around for a wedding's website, and might even entirely miss seeing an e-invite..... and that doesn't even consider the sentimental types who would keep and treasure a paper invitation.
(And for what it's worth, I'm probably around your parents' generation; I personally would prefer always getting a paper invitation, no matter how formal or informal a wedding might be; but I realize the world has changed and your generation has different views on this kind of tradition.)
posted by easily confused at 5:04 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
As for the invitations themselves, it'd totally depend on the level of formality of your wedding: e-invites would be fine for a small, casual backyard-type of a wedding, but not for a larger and/or more formal wedding. Also, there will almost always be someone --- not just the elderly! --- who spends little to no time online, doesn't have the experience or desire to hunt around for a wedding's website, and might even entirely miss seeing an e-invite..... and that doesn't even consider the sentimental types who would keep and treasure a paper invitation.
(And for what it's worth, I'm probably around your parents' generation; I personally would prefer always getting a paper invitation, no matter how formal or informal a wedding might be; but I realize the world has changed and your generation has different views on this kind of tradition.)
posted by easily confused at 5:04 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
I think it's fine and we as a society are moving in this direction, but you will have to contact the scads of people who don't remember to RSVP. Ask me how I know (re: shower, not wedding). But that's true of paper invitations too, so it's your call.
posted by donajo at 5:05 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by donajo at 5:05 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would do an electronic Save the Date notice and then a traditional paper invitation. I might even do electronic invitations for anyone under 35. But fossils like me, we enjoy the pomp of a pretty paper invitation. Also, we view them as tickets to the event. We arrive at the venue clutching the damn things.
You'll send your paper invitations out in February. If you want you can buy Love stamps and send them to Romance, AR or Loveland, CO for a special post mark. (Yes, I AM this sappy.)
You, your intended and your attendants will all sit down one evening and while watching sappy movies and drinking wine and you will stuff, stamp and address these anachronisms. Preferably with calligraphy pens.
Someone may even make a little shadow box with your invitation, and some silk flowers. (yes, I have mine.)
If you care enough to have a traditional wedding, spend the $300 or so for proper invitations. You won't be sorry.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:25 AM on November 20, 2014 [7 favorites]
You'll send your paper invitations out in February. If you want you can buy Love stamps and send them to Romance, AR or Loveland, CO for a special post mark. (Yes, I AM this sappy.)
You, your intended and your attendants will all sit down one evening and while watching sappy movies and drinking wine and you will stuff, stamp and address these anachronisms. Preferably with calligraphy pens.
Someone may even make a little shadow box with your invitation, and some silk flowers. (yes, I have mine.)
If you care enough to have a traditional wedding, spend the $300 or so for proper invitations. You won't be sorry.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:25 AM on November 20, 2014 [7 favorites]
I lol'ed about the 'need to get on the invitations' - 5 months before my wedding I didn't even know I was getting married, much less having sent out invites. But yes, with schedules being the way they are, if you know the date, a save the date announcement is useful to many of us.
I used a paper invite just because I enjoy pretty paper things. But I have also used Paperless Post for 2 baby showers, and I think it's very classy (nothing like an Evite). I have found though that it was a little tricky for some people, not sure if it went into a spam filter or what, but the site tells you who has opened/read the invite so you can see who might have missed it, and then even some people who read the invite did not RSVP. Obviously people don't always RSVP even if you use paper, so I don't see that as a major flaw.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 5:56 AM on November 20, 2014
I used a paper invite just because I enjoy pretty paper things. But I have also used Paperless Post for 2 baby showers, and I think it's very classy (nothing like an Evite). I have found though that it was a little tricky for some people, not sure if it went into a spam filter or what, but the site tells you who has opened/read the invite so you can see who might have missed it, and then even some people who read the invite did not RSVP. Obviously people don't always RSVP even if you use paper, so I don't see that as a major flaw.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 5:56 AM on November 20, 2014
There's a difference between a baby shower and a wedding.
Now, it may well be that your wedding is a casual affair with most all of your guests being under 40 and only your very closest family members that you see regularly in person, in which case you can probably get away with online invitations. But if it isn't, then you should go with paper invitations in keeping with the tenor of the event and he audience you are inviting to it.
posted by deanc at 6:45 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Now, it may well be that your wedding is a casual affair with most all of your guests being under 40 and only your very closest family members that you see regularly in person, in which case you can probably get away with online invitations. But if it isn't, then you should go with paper invitations in keeping with the tenor of the event and he audience you are inviting to it.
posted by deanc at 6:45 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Here's a vote for paper, but not the super-expensive kind.
posted by amtho at 6:45 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by amtho at 6:45 AM on November 20, 2014
I always think that people should do whatever the hell they want for their weddings because the whole thing is so stressful and it's your wedding. The only thing I'd consider is whether you have the type of family that will cause you extreme grief over the choice, and if dealing with that extra grief is worth it to you. If it is, go for it.
I also agree that it will be more work and some people may fall through the cracks. But again, if you don't mind dealing with that I say go for it.
Congratulations!
posted by Room 641-A at 6:53 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I also agree that it will be more work and some people may fall through the cracks. But again, if you don't mind dealing with that I say go for it.
Congratulations!
posted by Room 641-A at 6:53 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I think it's less a question of "etiquette" and more about 1) practicality: making sure that older folk and non-techy people can both receive and reply to the invitation, and 2) enjoyment: paper invitations are pretty and fun and everyone loves getting mail. Miss Manners thinks that people will be less on the ball about replying to online invitations, but that's just as much an issue with paper invitations. Plus, it's not like invitations don't get lost in the mail. (ok, it's less likely than email going to spam, but it happens! Paper is no guarantee). For what it's worth, every wedding I have been to in the past 5 years (including 3 last summer) had online RSVPs. So I would definitely draw the line at paper RSVP cards.
I'm getting married next spring. We did a save-the-date email, and will mail out paper invitations. RSVP will be via our wedding website. I designed the invitations and we're getting them printed via vistaprint. Total cost for all stationary (including thank you cards and postage) should be ~$250 if I've priced it out right. We're inviting 80 people and have approximately 1/2 that number of invitations to send.
posted by quaking fajita at 7:05 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm getting married next spring. We did a save-the-date email, and will mail out paper invitations. RSVP will be via our wedding website. I designed the invitations and we're getting them printed via vistaprint. Total cost for all stationary (including thank you cards and postage) should be ~$250 if I've priced it out right. We're inviting 80 people and have approximately 1/2 that number of invitations to send.
posted by quaking fajita at 7:05 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I got an online invitation for a wedding earlier this year, and no one had a problem with it or said anything negative about it at all. It's your day. Do what you want.
posted by blazingunicorn at 7:10 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by blazingunicorn at 7:10 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
It's your wedding, I think you should do whatever you like and can afford. If purchasing fancy paper invitations means you'll have to go into debt, or cut something that's really important to you, or just seems really stressful, I would not do it! Glo is a nice way to do a combination of paper and online invites, if there are some elderly relatives who would not be able to deal with online invitations (I know my grandmother would not be able to).
I've personally received both online and in-person invitations to friends' weddings (and also a couple that were just over the phone, due to small + happening in a very short time frame weddings). All of these were 100% fine with me and I was just excited to be sharing the day with my friends. I don't mean to be harsh, but anyone who can't just be excited and happy for you and gets their panties in a knot over the format of invitations is maybe someone who is not worth inviting to your wedding??
posted by rainbowbrite at 7:10 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I've personally received both online and in-person invitations to friends' weddings (and also a couple that were just over the phone, due to small + happening in a very short time frame weddings). All of these were 100% fine with me and I was just excited to be sharing the day with my friends. I don't mean to be harsh, but anyone who can't just be excited and happy for you and gets their panties in a knot over the format of invitations is maybe someone who is not worth inviting to your wedding??
posted by rainbowbrite at 7:10 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Let "It's your wedding, do what you want" be the whole (or at least the vast majority) of the law.
That being said: at 5 months it might make more sense to be looking at "Save the Dates" instead of invitations. STDs have the most unfortunate acronym, but can easily be electronic or physical. If you are considering physical, look into magnets. In 2012 many many of my friends got married, and I got to cover a corner of my fridge with their Save the Date magnets and it made me very happy all year.
For the invitations, I guess electronic is fine (subject to the wise caveats above), but it makes my heart hurt a little. When's the next time in your life that you'll get to send out paper invites to something? Look up all your friends and families addresses? Get fun little post cards in the mail for a few weeks? Paper is also nice because you can include things like a little map to/between venues that guests can bring with them (if they aren't constantly Google Maps equipped).
I get the convenience of digital. The best compromise that I saw was a friend (in 2012) who sent paper invites with a link to the wedding website which had an RSVP option. They also put RSVP cards in the invite, but didn't prestamp them. This saved $0.32 per invite and encouraged online RSVPing.
posted by sparklemotion at 7:47 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
That being said: at 5 months it might make more sense to be looking at "Save the Dates" instead of invitations. STDs have the most unfortunate acronym, but can easily be electronic or physical. If you are considering physical, look into magnets. In 2012 many many of my friends got married, and I got to cover a corner of my fridge with their Save the Date magnets and it made me very happy all year.
For the invitations, I guess electronic is fine (subject to the wise caveats above), but it makes my heart hurt a little. When's the next time in your life that you'll get to send out paper invites to something? Look up all your friends and families addresses? Get fun little post cards in the mail for a few weeks? Paper is also nice because you can include things like a little map to/between venues that guests can bring with them (if they aren't constantly Google Maps equipped).
I get the convenience of digital. The best compromise that I saw was a friend (in 2012) who sent paper invites with a link to the wedding website which had an RSVP option. They also put RSVP cards in the invite, but didn't prestamp them. This saved $0.32 per invite and encouraged online RSVPing.
posted by sparklemotion at 7:47 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Do what works for you. Be prepared that for either electronic or paper invitations you still have to be organized, triple check addresses, and so forth. A friend of mine got married a few years ago and I received an electronic save the date months ahead of time, and the day before the wedding I received a reminder to attend the wedding. No actual invitation ever arrived so that sucked. It was out of state and I was pretty bummed.
posted by stowaway at 8:14 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by stowaway at 8:14 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I never open anything that is sent to me via a third party company (like e-cards) from an individual. I don't want my address marked as valid for inclusion on marketing lists.
The people who gave you their email address probably didn't intend for you to give it to companies who may or may not use the addresses to build a mailing list which the company can then sell. Please be mindful of this when you consider e-invitations. You don't want their strongest memory of your wedding to be having to deal with an onslaught of spam because their email address got out on some list.
posted by winna at 8:37 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
The people who gave you their email address probably didn't intend for you to give it to companies who may or may not use the addresses to build a mailing list which the company can then sell. Please be mindful of this when you consider e-invitations. You don't want their strongest memory of your wedding to be having to deal with an onslaught of spam because their email address got out on some list.
posted by winna at 8:37 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
For our baby shower we had a lot of older family members would either don't have email or would have been offended to have not recieved a printed invitation in the mail. Our compromise was to put on the invitations "Please RSVP via Evite" and then send the Evite 2 days after the invitations were mailed. Most people RSVP'd immediately, the people who aren't internet-savvy just called me and I updated the guest count myself (the hostess did not want to receive any calls for *reasons*), and it was easy to see who had not yet RSVP'd and follow up with them. So, I think you can find some compromise of doing both.
posted by vignettist at 8:52 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by vignettist at 8:52 AM on November 20, 2014
This is one of those things where you're caught between the old and the new, and unfortunately for you, weddings are one of those events (like funerals) that tend to cling to the old (for perfectly good reasons). If you're pretty sure everyone you'll be inviting is young and hip and fine with doing everything online, go for it, but if not, I'd seriously consider whether it's worth annoying the older/stodgier invitees for the sake of your own convenience.
> If purchasing fancy paper invitations means you'll have to go into debt
This is a red herring. Nobody has to use "fancy paper invitations"; you could just buy blank cards and handwrite invitations on each if you want.
> anyone who can't just be excited and happy for you and gets their panties in a knot over the format of invitations is maybe someone who is not worth inviting to your wedding??
Wow, it sure is easy to sneer at imaginary people who don't feel the way you do. If you were talking about your own aunt or mentor or grandparent, maybe you'd talk differently.
posted by languagehat at 8:53 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
> If purchasing fancy paper invitations means you'll have to go into debt
This is a red herring. Nobody has to use "fancy paper invitations"; you could just buy blank cards and handwrite invitations on each if you want.
> anyone who can't just be excited and happy for you and gets their panties in a knot over the format of invitations is maybe someone who is not worth inviting to your wedding??
Wow, it sure is easy to sneer at imaginary people who don't feel the way you do. If you were talking about your own aunt or mentor or grandparent, maybe you'd talk differently.
posted by languagehat at 8:53 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
> anyone who can't just be excited and happy for you and gets their panties in a knot over the format of invitations is maybe someone who is not worth inviting to your wedding??
Wow, it sure is easy to sneer at imaginary people who don't feel the way you do. If you were talking about your own aunt or mentor or grandparent, maybe you'd talk differently.
Honestly...I am wedding planning right now, and I really do feel this way (sorry!). Invitations aren't so much an issue for us, because we both happen to want to do paper invites. But there are A MILLION decisions with every single wedding that become infinitely complex if you're only thinking about making everyone else happy instead of making yourself happy. I'm sure there are a LOT of decisions we are making that will bug someone involved in the wedding, from doing 'casual' food for the reception instead of a fancy sit-down dinner (this is what we like and what we can afford), to having a female minister perform the ceremony and not doing it in a church (even though many of the older family members are not thrilled about either of those things), and probably a lot of other things I haven't even thought about yet. It is impossible to throw a wedding and not somehow offend someone. If people are going to choose to be offended about these things, that's their business and not something I can really fix. The same is true about invitations...hey, who knows, maybe you have a super environmental cousin who will get really pissed off about wasting paper to send out paper invitations! I think you just have to do what makes you happy and let other people's reactions to that be their own thing to deal with. If it is truly such a big deal that they can't get over it and choose not to attend (over invitations!!!!) then I really do think they are not meant to be there at the wedding. That type of reaction tells you a lot more about the fact that someone would put your choice of wedding invitation over their love and connection to you, than about anything to do with how you choose to have your wedding.
posted by rainbowbrite at 9:13 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
Wow, it sure is easy to sneer at imaginary people who don't feel the way you do. If you were talking about your own aunt or mentor or grandparent, maybe you'd talk differently.
Honestly...I am wedding planning right now, and I really do feel this way (sorry!). Invitations aren't so much an issue for us, because we both happen to want to do paper invites. But there are A MILLION decisions with every single wedding that become infinitely complex if you're only thinking about making everyone else happy instead of making yourself happy. I'm sure there are a LOT of decisions we are making that will bug someone involved in the wedding, from doing 'casual' food for the reception instead of a fancy sit-down dinner (this is what we like and what we can afford), to having a female minister perform the ceremony and not doing it in a church (even though many of the older family members are not thrilled about either of those things), and probably a lot of other things I haven't even thought about yet. It is impossible to throw a wedding and not somehow offend someone. If people are going to choose to be offended about these things, that's their business and not something I can really fix. The same is true about invitations...hey, who knows, maybe you have a super environmental cousin who will get really pissed off about wasting paper to send out paper invitations! I think you just have to do what makes you happy and let other people's reactions to that be their own thing to deal with. If it is truly such a big deal that they can't get over it and choose not to attend (over invitations!!!!) then I really do think they are not meant to be there at the wedding. That type of reaction tells you a lot more about the fact that someone would put your choice of wedding invitation over their love and connection to you, than about anything to do with how you choose to have your wedding.
posted by rainbowbrite at 9:13 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
Paper invitations don't have to be expensive. We used WeddingPaperDivas, which was awesome, and had a link to an online RSVP form that my husband made, but that could easily be created in Google Forms.
I think an online invitation to a birthday party is fine, but tacky for a wedding.
posted by erst at 9:17 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I think an online invitation to a birthday party is fine, but tacky for a wedding.
posted by erst at 9:17 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
I had a friend text me a "save the date" once. True story.
I like middle of the road: paper invite, online RSVP.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:43 AM on November 20, 2014
I like middle of the road: paper invite, online RSVP.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:43 AM on November 20, 2014
We did Paperless Post and no one complained. Weddings are so expensive and it seemed like an easy place to save money and also make things less of a hassle for people, since with an email invite, you can always find it (and if you delete it, they actually send a reminder, so you can really always find it). We didn't have any ancient non-email using relatives or friends and we're still getting compliments about how fun it was (We wrote our own nonreligious ceremony, had a friend marry us, did a sort of 20s theme, had a live band, did a Charleston for our first dance and generally were very mellow about choosing stuff we liked and not sweating small stuff).
posted by Maias at 6:32 PM on November 20, 2014
posted by Maias at 6:32 PM on November 20, 2014
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I love the online invitations. I never remember to do paper RSVPs. I think this depends on family culture and maybe generation. Personally I think it's in perfectly fine taste as long as I don't have to watch a stupid flash movie with sound or a slideshow of photos or anything. I'm 30 and my peers are all very internet savvy, and so are the people of my parents' generation.
But I think the way my cousin did it was also a nice compromise. They really only sent the paper invitations to people they knew were really likely to come anyway, or family who wouldn't have a problem calling them up and asking for particulars. They had a little wedding website which was nice; it had a section on dress code with the bride and groom modeling ideas (my cousins are fancy people), which took out a lot of the guesswork, as well as detailed hotel and location information. It was very convenient and the invitation was on the same domain, and when you RSVP'd you were autodirected to all that information. The paper invitations had a link on the RSVP card that you could type in.
If you did only online invites it might be smart to call certain key people up and tell them the details over the phone. But I don't think it's bad taste any more than having an online wedding photo album.
posted by Mizu at 11:47 PM on November 19, 2014 [1 favorite]