Tracking Parental Mobile
October 20, 2014 3:09 PM Subscribe
Is keeping a copy of a Parent's iTunes password ok - so we can track them via iDevice without their knowledge in an emergency. Fill bit icky about it - but special snowflake details inside
Both my parents-in-law (separated and living in seperate countries) are aging and have issues that make them liable to get into serious trouble where we may need to track where they are. In addition my spouse and I live in the US, while FiL is in Australia and MiL is in UK - so popping over to check on them isn't exactly an easy option...
FiL is an alcoholic who has heart issues - last time he visited he disappeared and when he finally came home I found him drunk asleep on our back lawn - having fallen and not being able to get up (he's already had a double hip replacement, etc). MiL is more physically capable but gets herself into terrible situations (she's staying with us this week and announced tonight she has a flight on Tuesday back to the UK but only has tickets to get her halfway - so we've had to buy her the other leg last minute - plus give her cash to live for a while at the other end - she had $30 US total left to her name, having maxed out her credit card).
Both have iDevices, and I have access to their iTunes passwords (having helped them set the devices up previously). I have tested "find my iPhone" via iCloud.com and it does work in their devices. Neither would allow us to track them if they knew we could - especially FiL - as they are fiercely independent - and in FiL's case he doesn't like his children knowing where he goes to get drunk and sleep it off.
Is keeping a copy of their iTunes password somewhere safe in the event we need to find them by their iDevice reasonable? Both my spouse and their sibling are keen on having that capability - both love their parents but have have seen their parents screw up majorly in the last few years and need to be physically / monetarily "rescued" from various situations.
Both my parents-in-law (separated and living in seperate countries) are aging and have issues that make them liable to get into serious trouble where we may need to track where they are. In addition my spouse and I live in the US, while FiL is in Australia and MiL is in UK - so popping over to check on them isn't exactly an easy option...
FiL is an alcoholic who has heart issues - last time he visited he disappeared and when he finally came home I found him drunk asleep on our back lawn - having fallen and not being able to get up (he's already had a double hip replacement, etc). MiL is more physically capable but gets herself into terrible situations (she's staying with us this week and announced tonight she has a flight on Tuesday back to the UK but only has tickets to get her halfway - so we've had to buy her the other leg last minute - plus give her cash to live for a while at the other end - she had $30 US total left to her name, having maxed out her credit card).
Both have iDevices, and I have access to their iTunes passwords (having helped them set the devices up previously). I have tested "find my iPhone" via iCloud.com and it does work in their devices. Neither would allow us to track them if they knew we could - especially FiL - as they are fiercely independent - and in FiL's case he doesn't like his children knowing where he goes to get drunk and sleep it off.
Is keeping a copy of their iTunes password somewhere safe in the event we need to find them by their iDevice reasonable? Both my spouse and their sibling are keen on having that capability - both love their parents but have have seen their parents screw up majorly in the last few years and need to be physically / monetarily "rescued" from various situations.
well, you aren't spying on them today or tomorrow, you just have two little snippets of information. the moral question of spying doesn't actually present until you have occasion to use one of those snippets, and it might be your FIL drunk and fallen down a ravine. the only question for today is do you have an affirmative duty to get rid of those snippets? i say no, and also, unless they were really good passwords, you probably remember what they are without looking them up.
posted by bruce at 3:26 PM on October 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by bruce at 3:26 PM on October 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
You're fine.
You didn't secretly acquire the password and info - they know you have it (and in fact gave it to you) from when you helped setup their devices.
The non-digital analog to this is having a house key. You wouldn't ever let yourself in to snoop around, but if they went missing, you'd probably have no qualms about letting yourself in to make sure they weren't ill/deceased in the house.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 3:33 PM on October 20, 2014 [12 favorites]
You didn't secretly acquire the password and info - they know you have it (and in fact gave it to you) from when you helped setup their devices.
The non-digital analog to this is having a house key. You wouldn't ever let yourself in to snoop around, but if they went missing, you'd probably have no qualms about letting yourself in to make sure they weren't ill/deceased in the house.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 3:33 PM on October 20, 2014 [12 favorites]
I totally support you keeping a copy of the password.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 3:37 PM on October 20, 2014
posted by kinddieserzeit at 3:37 PM on October 20, 2014
I was going to suggest using the official "find my friends" app which allows this tracking without having their login details, but then i realized an important part here was them not knowing it's active or being able to turn it off by just tapping the app.
I can't see a better solution here, and i support this one.
posted by emptythought at 3:42 PM on October 20, 2014
I can't see a better solution here, and i support this one.
posted by emptythought at 3:42 PM on October 20, 2014
It's really not an unreasonable course of action for you to take, but I don't think NotMyselfRightNow's house key analogy is very applicable.
Everyone knows what a house key is and what it does. If your parents-in-law know you have a key to their house, they can fully understand what kind of access they have granted you. It would also require you to travel many hours to use it. Here, the entire point is that your parents-in-law most likely do not understand that they can be tracked whenever you wish. You have their passwords because you helped them setup their phones. In all likelihood, your parents-in-law had no idea that this activity would give you this kind of access.
The safety concerns may well trump the ethical issues here, but lojacking people without their knowledge and consent is a big deal.
posted by zachlipton at 4:01 PM on October 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
Everyone knows what a house key is and what it does. If your parents-in-law know you have a key to their house, they can fully understand what kind of access they have granted you. It would also require you to travel many hours to use it. Here, the entire point is that your parents-in-law most likely do not understand that they can be tracked whenever you wish. You have their passwords because you helped them setup their phones. In all likelihood, your parents-in-law had no idea that this activity would give you this kind of access.
The safety concerns may well trump the ethical issues here, but lojacking people without their knowledge and consent is a big deal.
posted by zachlipton at 4:01 PM on October 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
I have the copy of my mothers idevice password and I've used it to locate her. She has health problems I won't go into here and I live a long way from her. I think that as long as you aren't using it out of curiosity its ok to keep and use in an emergency.
It's really having parents that are not aging gracefully or who you have to worry about and I think its one of those times where being perfectly moral, getting rid of the password and finding another way to locate the parent, is a lesser good than being able to react in an emergency.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 4:02 PM on October 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
It's really having parents that are not aging gracefully or who you have to worry about and I think its one of those times where being perfectly moral, getting rid of the password and finding another way to locate the parent, is a lesser good than being able to react in an emergency.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 4:02 PM on October 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Non compos mentis> privacy. IMO it's more unethical to allow the FIL to go self-destructively crawl under the house like a sick animal than it is to let him keep up the delusion of "independence."
posted by moonlight on vermont at 4:37 PM on October 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by moonlight on vermont at 4:37 PM on October 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
I believe it's completely unethical but would do it myself in a heart beat.
posted by taff at 6:29 PM on October 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by taff at 6:29 PM on October 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Sometimes, there isn't a black and white answer... and in this ethical grey, I'm 100% for "keep it" because it might save a life someday.
posted by stormyteal at 6:44 PM on October 20, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by stormyteal at 6:44 PM on October 20, 2014 [5 favorites]
it's simultaneously unethical and wrong but justifiable and understandable.
posted by modernnomad at 8:30 PM on October 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by modernnomad at 8:30 PM on October 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
I would do it, yes I would. I wish I had had the capability of doing so with my mother, many years ago (long before there were such things as iPhones). She, too, was fiercely independent - and delightfully and terrifyingly hare-brained. She would pile Herself and The Dog into her big ol' Lincoln and disappear for days at a time; thankfully, no alcohol was involved, just a love for the road and distant, obscure antique shops.
posted by CrowMeris at 9:08 PM on October 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by CrowMeris at 9:08 PM on October 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
Just throwing this out there... doesn't the end user get an email alert if/when you log into iCloud via the browser? It won't matter in an emergency but if you were testing the capability, it could potentially cause problems.
posted by whatisish at 10:12 PM on October 20, 2014
posted by whatisish at 10:12 PM on October 20, 2014
I have some experience providing support for iDevices, and this attitude is pretty gross to me. It's even grosser how incredibly common this "I was given their password for X purpose, but I want to use it for Y purpose so I will do that." I see it for exes, parents to teenagers, and children to elderly people. To me, it's just like giving a business connection your phone number for a business reason and they call you for a date, but illicit tracking is way creepier.
You do NOT have a right to track someone without their consent, and it's even worse that you know they wouldn't be happy about it and don't seem to care.
Have some respect for their agency as adults.
posted by littlesocks at 11:11 AM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
You do NOT have a right to track someone without their consent, and it's even worse that you know they wouldn't be happy about it and don't seem to care.
Have some respect for their agency as adults.
posted by littlesocks at 11:11 AM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by BlahLaLa at 3:16 PM on October 20, 2014 [10 favorites]