ID a poem - arrogance and daughters

October 4, 2014 6:38 AM

I am looking for a poem I read some years ago which included a list of negative or unfeminine qualities the author wished for (perhaps bequeathed to, but that may be an embellishment from my own faulty memory) their daughter or daughters, for example arrogance, reframed as positives. Much search engining has failed to turn it up, so it's probably from a print book. I think of this poem often so hoping someone knows what I'm talking about and can help me find it again.
posted by leueas to Writing & Language (6 answers total)

This?

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants
posted by Laura_J at 8:29 AM on October 4, 2014 [9 favorites]

Response by poster: That's very funny Laura_J, but unfortunately not it.

The original poem is not, as I remember it, meant to be humorous (other than the device of turning the negative qualities on their head).
posted by leueas at 2:54 PM on October 4, 2014

It's pinging for me but I can't find the exact one I'm remembering. Could these be it?

When you are 13 years old,
the heat will be turned up too high
and the stars will not be in your favor.
You will hide behind a bookcase
with your family and everything left behind.
You will pour an ocean into a diary.
When they find you, you will be nothing
but a spark above a burning bush,
still, tell them
Despite everything, I really believe people are good at heart. - the%20heat%20will%20be%20turned%20up%20too%20high
and%20the%20stars%20will%20not%20be%20in%20your%20favor.%20
You%20will%20hide%20behind%20a%20bookcase
with%20your%20family%20and%20everything%20left%20behind.%20
You%20will%20pour%20an%20ocean%20into%20a%20diary.%20
When%20they%20find%20you,%20you%20will%20be%20nothing
but%20a%20spark%20above%20a%20burning%20bush,%20
still,%20tell%20them
Despite%20everything,%20I%20really%20believe%20people%20are%20good%20at%20heart.">Clementine von Radics

Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.” - Sarah K

the first word I teach my daughter will be “no”
she will sing it to me and scream it at me
and I will never tell her to quiet down
she will say it when I tell her to go to bed
when I tell her she can’t have anymore candy
or watch anymore television - alonesome

One day I’ll give birth to a tiny baby girl
and when she’s born she’ll scream and I’ll make sure
she never stops. - Nicole Blackman
posted by geek anachronism at 6:32 PM on October 4, 2014

Response by poster: geek anachronism, I'm pretty sure I know you from an Australian forum.

Sadly, it's not those. They are awesome poems though.

I'm pretty damn sure the word arrogance was in there.
posted by leueas at 7:05 PM on October 4, 2014

I thought this sounded like a poem Marge Piercy would have written, but I can't think of a specific one...
posted by SisterHavana at 9:09 PM on October 4, 2014

It's ringing vague Margaret Atwood bells for me, but my books are in storage so I can't check, alas.
posted by andraste at 1:52 AM on October 5, 2014