Getting yelled at by my boss
September 5, 2014 10:35 PM   Subscribe

Is getting yelled at by your boss really a big deal?

I got yelled at by my boss for the first time, or actually he snapped at me. He might have gotten pissed off because he thought I was asking the same question too much but I was trying to ask something new about it.

On another occasion, he almost lost his temper at me but stopped when he realized I wasn't asking a dumb question.

I am new to the company and I have only been working there for one month. My boss gets very impatient quickly and is not good at explaining things.

Anyway, is getting yelled at like this going to make my working relationship with him suffer? I am worried that he might begin to view me as incapable of understanding him, and get frustrated and snap at me again for asking another question.

Or, basically what I really want to know is if this incident really is a big deal? I would like to hear other people's experiences when they got yelled at by their boss.
posted by pieceofcake to Work & Money (26 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Does he yell at other people or snap at other people, or just you? After he yells at you, does he continue to act unfriendly or annoyed with you, or does he get over it quickly? Are you messing up badly, or are they really just minor communications? It's hard to assess without knowing why he is yelling at you and then how the situation was left.

He may just be a moody asshole -- but there are moody assholes who hold grudges and those who have temper flare-ups because that's just how they deal with stress, but then they move on. It depends which he is. Or maybe you're truly awful at your job. It's hard to tell based on the information you've provided.

Either way, this doesn't sound like it's going to be fun for you. You're going to need to figure out how to not upset this guy. You're new, but hopefully you can find an office friend who can help you understand your boss better.
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:59 PM on September 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

Your boss should not be yelling at you. That is very unprofessional of him. I would start looking for a new job with a better supervisor ASAP. There have been numerous studies that have found that having a bad boss (and the stress that causes) is bad for your physical and mental health.
posted by Jacqueline at 11:07 PM on September 5, 2014 [17 favorites]

Response by poster: It's just me and him, and one other person in the department.

I haven't messed up anything so far. After he snapped at me, he asked me something like 30 minutes later in a regular tone.

I then asked him a few more questions later on that day, and he answered them in a normal tone, but his facial expressions seemed tense.

He arrives to work in a stressful state, and he seems like he is stressed out most of the time, and gets frustrated at everything.
posted by pieceofcake at 11:10 PM on September 5, 2014

It doesn't matter if you are good or bad at your job. Yelling is completely unacceptable, for any reason. IMO, he should be dismissed.

And yes, it is a big deal. Are there higher-ups who are aware this is going on?
posted by mochapickle at 11:21 PM on September 5, 2014 [12 favorites]

And when you say yelling, you mean shouting, right?
posted by mochapickle at 11:22 PM on September 5, 2014

Response by poster: Well, he snapped, and mumbled something in frustration, I heard him say "fucking" something, and then spoke in a stern and loud tone, but not shouting.
posted by pieceofcake at 11:40 PM on September 5, 2014

Yelling reveals lack of self awareness, poor self control, and disregard for the peace of mind of others. The yelling itself may not be so annoying to you (it would be to me), but you shouldn't ignore what it stands for. Your boss thinks it's OK to yell at people under his or her authority. Your boss thinks this is an acceptable way of dealing with minor annoyances (nobody with a normal level of emotional maturity gets frustrated at new employees who ask questions). You didn't say he or she apologized, so it looks like your boss also thinks there is no need to address this type of incident or apologize for it.

I think this kind of unprofessional behavior is rarely an isolated issue, and you will gradually recognize more and more ways in which your boss disrespects boundaries.

Next time it happens again firmly interrupt and say "I will not tolerate being yelled at. We can continue this conversation in a professional manner later." you need to train your boss so they understand you cooperate when treated with respect. If you submit to bad temper you are reinforcing it. If the situation does not improve go to hr and/or start looking for another job.
posted by Tarumba at 11:40 PM on September 5, 2014 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: This is only the first real time he has snapped at me. The higher-up knows that he is not good at training others but I doubt my boss will get dismissed.
posted by pieceofcake at 11:42 PM on September 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

Not sure where you are but where I am that would be totally unacceptable. And ridiculously immature. Worse than yelling in some ways. Mumbling and swearing under your breath is pretty childish.
posted by Tarumba at 11:43 PM on September 5, 2014 [4 favorites]

If my boss yelled at me once every couple of months during a time of stress and later apologized, I would accept the situation and move on.

If my boss frequently yelled at me or made disparaging comments as a matter of routine, I would bring that up with HR even before he was finished. Raising your voice or making rude comments about you is unprofessional, inefficient, and unpleasant, and there's no reason for it. In my experience, this kind of thing tends to escalate (either more yelling, the rest of your department starts yelling at each other, or your boss starts to view you negatively despite you doing a basically OK job just because he feels negative when he's around you.)

It will never get better until you leave or he does. If higher-ups know about it, and continue to make no change, they clearly think it's fine. So if you're all right working somewhere with a moody asshole who yells at you and has no reason to stop, keep working there. I am not able to brush that kind of thing off, so I don't put up with it unless I have to, but it's up to you what you're willing to deal with.

I had a job interview with a company once, and they asked me how I felt if I got yelled at. I still regret answering that with anything other than "This isn't for me, and you don't deserve it either, good afternoon."
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:50 PM on September 5, 2014 [3 favorites]

Best answer: I had a boss who was a yeller. He'd snap at you all of a sudden and for just about anything. I mean *anything* -- a pet peeve of his was that he didn't like my voice and wanted me to change it (?!).

On the one hand, he had a pretty explosive personality altogether, and so he would sometimes randomly be generous just like he would sometimes snap at you. He just always seemed to have a ton of emotions all pent up and sometimes they would break loose. Does your boss seem like that's his sort of personality? Aggressive and explosive and expressive?

On the other hand, that same boss was extremely pushy and cheap. I was never going to get any real traction from him.

Ultimately, I had to leave, because I was getting virtually no money and working incredibly hard, and it was causing me to feel resentful. Looking back, I think there was a major personality mismatch that cause a lot of miscommunication. I don't think I really understood what my role was, which caused problems. And I don't think he really knew what to do with me, because he (seemed to) genuinely respect my skills/talents, but those weren't really skills/talents he had a whole lot of call for.

So I guess my longer-term warning/advice would be, with a boss like that, I wouldn't expect to move up in terms of either responsibility or money. He's never going to recommend you for a raise or a promotion, because he's tense and explosive and operating like he's in an environment of scarcity and he'll only give people the least amount (of money) possible and try to get the most amount (of work) possible out of them. So don't stay for too long, since to move up you're also going to have to move out of this job.

In terms of your day-to-day while you're working for him, make sure that you really, truly understand your role. Think about what your department needs and try really hard to supply *that.* Even if it's not what you're best at or like the best. And try really hard to understand what he's saying to you, even if he doesn't communicate in a way that you grok all that well (yet).

Miscommunications can come from a couple different sources: one source is cultural, where you and he have a different understanding of what's "normal" in your industry's/businesses/work culture, so you're working off of a couple different assumptions. I definitely had that problem with my "yeller" boss, where I was ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED by things that were really completely normal. Like, I was shocked that he would quote from my analyses when he was talking with colleagues, without attributing those words to me. Which was me being ridiculously naive and, again, not understanding my role, I think now, but at the time I was like HE HAS NO SCRUPLES. So yeah, think about what workplace/industry assumptions he might be bringing to the table and what assumptions you might be bringing to the table and try to get on the same page there. Don't expect or ask for any hand-holding from him about this. If you're really at a loss, there are all kinds of resources, from books at the library to blogs like "Ask a Manager."

Another source of miscommunication is more personal, where you're not interpreting his words as he means them to be interpreted. Maybe you're not picking up on additional implications to his directions, and just doing what he explicitly tells you to do? Maybe you're requiring him to put in a lot of effort to tell you *exactly* what you need to do, because you're *only* doing exactly what he says to do? (I did that with my "yeller" boss, and it was a problem. Sometimes your boss is not going to be completely explicit and thorough in his directions and you're going to just have to try and figure it out on your own without any hand-holding from him. If you get the interpretation wrong after the fact, that might be better than peppering him with tons of questions beforehand, if that's *at all* practicable. Just do it the way you think he means and/or the way it makes the most sense, and check back in with him fairly early so that if you're on the wrong track *entirely* he can tell you that you are, without feeling like he's answering the same question a bunch of times). Maybe you're not prioritizing your time in a way that's productive, so you're putting a lot of time and effort into things he doesn't think are that important and leaving other jobs undone or backed up? (I had a real problem with this, and know first-hand that it will drive a boss nuts. If you have this problem, again, don't ask for hand-holding. Try to make sure that the amount of time you spend on a task is correlated with how important the task is to your boss. It's also easier if you schedule your time at the beginning of the day). Maybe when he tells you that he doesn't like something or you should change something, you don't immediately make changing that thing a priority? (I did that, I just sort of shrugged off his complaints with the idea that they weren't about big-deal stuff or I'd work on changing them over time. That was infuriating to him and would lead to blow-ups). I guess all of this is, just try to be an extremely good listener and to try to see everything from his POV.

If your boss is yelling, it probably means that he feels that he's not being heard, that you're not hearing what he's trying to tell you. So try very hard to hear him, and if you still don't quite understand what he's trying to tell you, at least make it as obvious as possible through your behavior that you're *trying* to hear what he's telling you.

And even if you do that stuff, he probably will still yell at you and be an awful boss and you'll never get any traction with him. But that'll hopefully minimize the yelling at least somewhat? I wouldn't worry that he "dislikes" you or anything. I know that my "yeller" boss didn't dislike me personally -- in fact, he was kind to me in a lot of ways, and I think if anything, he especially liked me. BUT liking someone as a person and liking someone as an employee are different things. I just say that to mean that he probably doesn't have a personal problem with you and probably won't develop a personal problem with you -- this is a professional clash, not a personal one. So I wouldn't expect any *serious* blowback from him, like I doubt he would try to impede your career at all or anything (even in terms of firing you), I just think he won't be especially helpful in terms of giving you anything more (either in terms of money or in terms of responsibilities) than you have now.
posted by rue72 at 11:59 PM on September 5, 2014 [5 favorites]

Response by poster: Yeah, when I first started working there, I thought he was a nice guy and very helpful, just sometimes moving too fast when he was training me. But maybe I was asking a really basic question and he got frustrated, and he is also having personal issues as well.

Just this one time he snapped at me, so I guess this would be an isolated incident even though he doesn't apologize?

But like I mentioned earlier, on the same day he snapped, I asked more questions later that day and he acted in a normal way when he answered them.

I am just freaking out because I need a job now, and looking for a job is very difficult, and it's not going to look good if I work somewhere for just a couple months because employers will think I am a job hopper. People say just get another job without realizing that it's a very long and difficult process.
posted by pieceofcake at 12:18 AM on September 6, 2014

People say just get another job without realizing that it's a very long and difficult process.

Which is why you should start looking NOW. It might take a while and bad bosses almost never get BETTER over time, only worse. Make sure you have an out before it becomes intolerable.
posted by Jacqueline at 12:23 AM on September 6, 2014 [8 favorites]

Best answer: People say just get another job without realizing that it's a very long and difficult process.

It's definitely rough, and you're right that, practically speaking, you'll need to stick it out at your current job for at least a while -- just plan to spend the minimum amount of time possible there.

Your boss, with his quick training and quick temper, might be a churn-and-burn type toward employees? Like I said before, just trying to get as much work out of you as he can and for as little money and as quickly as he can, without worrying about employee burn out. The good news about bosses like that is that they almost definitely aren't going to fire you without really good cause. They're going to push you harder and harder in terms of work and not give you any more money, and that's going to be terrible, but they're also not going to straight up fire you, because they know they're already basically exploiting you. So if your boss is a churn-and-burn type, don't worry too much about job security, worry more about not burning out before you can get out of your job safely.

On the other hand, if you're really nervous about this job because you're desperate about the money, then maybe this is about you being too anxious and your boss getting fed up with it. Again, don't worry. You're already hired, you're already trained, they're not going to be *that* quick to fire you. They're definitely not going to fire you ASAP just because you irritated the boss this one time. Asking too many questions isn't a fire-able offense virtually anywhere. But do whatever you can to get a handle on your nerves before any fears about losing this job start getting to you so much that they start affecting your performance even more. What helps for me when I've got a case of nerves like that is making sure I'm eating enough and sleeping enough. Everything else is manageable if your body is doing OK. Have you gotten your first paycheck yet? Once you settle in to getting paychecks regularly (so, in a few months), you're also probably going to feel your anxiety level go down. It's completely normal if lack of financial security during your job hunt (for this job) messed with your head, but you *are* getting paid now, and you *will* be OK.

Don't worry too much about losing this job or being forced to leave this job. For what it's worth, I don't think that's at all the kind of situation you're facing here. The kind of situation you're in is more, "how do I stop my boss from being an asshole and trying to exploit me?" or "how do I avoid burnout while working for this harsh boss?," not "how do I not get fired?"

If you aren't in a mental place where you can start planning to leave this job, because you're still feeling the affects of your job search to get to where you are, that's OK. For now, take a breather, collect a few paychecks, get the wolf away from the door.

Just make sure you take care of yourself. Invest in yourself rather than in your job. Your boss does not sound like he's on your side in that he does *not* sound like he's going to nurture you at all or do *any* handholding, so I don't think there's likely a real future (as in, promotions, raises, good career trajectory -- long-term stuff like that) at this place for you. I think you can trust that he's not going to fire you, because he's not going to want to waste his time in interviewing and training anyone else, etc -- but I don't think you can trust him not to be a complete asshole while you're working there. So make sure that you are really good to yourself, because he's not going to be at all good to you. And otherwise, just do what you can to stay on his good side.
posted by rue72 at 12:40 AM on September 6, 2014 [4 favorites]

It depends on the industry. There is more yelling and profanity the more blue the collar. [I've worked construction and been the assistant to the CFO of a really large hospital, amongst other jobs]

My experience is that in blue collar jobs you can tell your supervisor to fuck off and it's a more normal interaction and all good later whereas in a white collar job if the supervisor is being an asshole it's a sign that you will not want to work there in the long term.

If your supervisor can't make their point with reason as opposed to volume or evincing exasperation then they aren't very good at their job and though it might pay the bills it's a bad idea to work in their department.

"No yelling - this goes for relationhips too - unless I'm far away" is my rule.

Look for a new job while keeping the one you have and your angle for other companies HR should be "it wasn't the fit I imagined".

posted by vapidave at 12:49 AM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Everyone get's frustrated sometimes. And it is difficult to deal with someone after they have just blown up at you. Start writing down your questions. After you write one down, take a minute to see if you can figure it out yourself. If you cannot, wait until he is not in the middle of something (if it isn't urgent) and then calmly and quickly ask him your question. Write his answer down. Review the answers daily to avoid asking the same question over and over again. If you do this well enough, you could use your questions and answers to develop a training manual for your position so that, when you get promoted or move on to another job, the person taking your place will have an easier time of it. You could even ask him if he would prefer the questions be asked and answered via text or email so that his day isn't interrupted so many times, but ask him when he isn't busy with something else.

It isn't okay for anyone to verbally abuse you, ever. If he is yelling often or cussing at you directly, then yes, it is a problem. But everyone loses it sometimes and you can't expect perfection from him or anyone else.
posted by myselfasme at 1:10 AM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

It sounds like his attitude doesn't have anything to do with you, really. He sounds impatient and stressed out because that's just how he is. I wouldn't take it personal for now and kind of see how it goes. Maybe he'll have triggers or certain things he hates. Maybe certain times of day or certain types of work frustrates him. Maybe you'll be able to learn when to steer clear. But this also sounds like it will be exhausting so I would maybe keep an ear to the ground on new jobs.

In response to the other poster who appears to have been responding to me, I'm sorry, but the truth is bosses scold employees sometimes. We call it "yelling" at employees but it's not actual yelling. It's not "very unprofessional" that this happens -- it's reality. And maybe it's not good management, but most people aren't great managers. And it is unprofessional if the boss is repeatedly doing this because he failed to explain things, because the employee is new and needs training, if it's just a small unintentional mistake, etc.

I do wonder if there's something you can say that will make him realize how unnecessary it is that he's behaving like such an ass over what sound like rather minor things. Something like how you didn't mean to make him mad, or something about how you know it's frustrating, or make ask if he's OK because he seems angry/stressed. I really don't know exactly -- I can't give any exact advice here, maybe google will help. And part of it will depend on this boss. I'm not sure what kind of tone you can set now.

The best thing is to be clear on your job and his expectations, and as you learn the job, avoid checking in with him or asking questions. Less interaction with this guy will probably be better for you long-haul. And questions seem like they frustrate him. A lot of times if you have a question, if you move on, you'll realize you don't really need any guidance and you'll figure it out yourself. I agree that giving yourself a little time before asking questions will help too.
posted by AppleTurnover at 4:29 AM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Get out ASAP. I worked for a guy who either yelled or gave me the silent treatment. He was great for the first year and then WOW. Even when he was telling me one day I'd be running the company, he'd turn around and scream for something minuscule. Pretty much ruined my self-confidence.

Let's put it this way: I was let go from there two years ago and I *still* have Stockholm Syndrome that he was actually an ok guy and I was to blame. Apparently I just radiate self-abnegation now.

So. Get away. You're worth more than that.
posted by notsnot at 5:44 AM on September 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

Start looking for another job. Put on your resume XYZ Corporation, Temporary. If you feel you have to list it at all. I wouldn't. Problem solved.

The next time he yells at you, tell him simply, "I understand that you're frustrated, I'm sorry, but I won't tolerate your yelling at me." That should nip it in the bud. I had a boss who was really sarcastic and nasty, once she went too far with it and I said, "The sarcasm isn't necessary, just tell me what you want me to do." She was chastened and it never happened again. Be professional, but be firm. It's NOT okay.

If it does happen again, say, "I've asked you once not to yell at me, it's unprofessional, if you feel that you can't perform your duties without being verbally abusive to me, let's go to HR and discuss how you're making this a hostile work environment.

You need to grow a pair of brass balls to say the above, but you need to grow a pair anyway.

He's in more trouble than you are in this situation. And you've got the tail by the dog if you think the problem is that he's angry with you. He's wholly inappropriate and putting himself and the company at risk by providing a hostile work environment.

In fact, when you get to work on Monday, find out what the formal grievance process is, and document EVERYTHING about the yelling incident. You don't have to do anything about it...yet. But yellers can't help themselves. It'll happen again.

Anecdata: My mother is a yeller, and she yelled at a subordinate one day. She never worked in her profession again after that.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:02 AM on September 6, 2014 [2 favorites]

In any job, there is going to be a learning curve, and you will make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them.

One job, I sent a massive report to the shared printer, which caused the entire department to get pissed off at me. My supervisor said, "oh, you're supposed to send that at night, here's how you set it up to print at 6:00 p.m."

In another job, at a retail store, there was a complicated system of recording what newspapers had been sold and how many new ones had come in. It was a stupid form with things being added instead of subtracted, and one person told me to do it one way, and the next day my boss told me to do it another way. It was a very small part of my job, but I could never get it right, and I dreaded opening because of that stupid form.

The best way to learn is through taking notes, and repetition. Tasks that can seem daunting now will be second nature in a few months. You can't expect to learn everything at once, and your boss' behavior is on him, not you. Some companies throw employees into the job with very little training.

It's not your job to be his mind reader, or to make excuses for him. He is getting paid the big bucks to manage, supervise, and yes, train employees and answer their questions about procedures. Some people are not good at training, which does involve being there to answer questions.

Practice taking notes, even if it's a little note pad that you keep in your pocket. Also, practice your communication skills. Look in the mirror at home and make sure you are standing up straight, shoulders back. Take a deep breath, and realize that asking for clarification is not a bad thing! It is a good thing, because you want to make sure you get something right.

Consider going to your boss and saying, "hey Boss, sorry if I am getting on your nerves by asking so many questions, I just want to make sure I am doing it right, and I'm nervous that I'll mess up. Do you have any tricks for me to remember to push button A before I push button B?"

Yes, your boss could be suffering from burnout, or the company could just have that sort of "sink or swim" culture. The only way to resolve issues is through adult communication. It sucks being the new person, but stick it out for a few more months. If things don't get better by 6 months, then you will have some solid work experience there. If he gets really abusive, then by all means, get out -- but it sounds like a lack of experience on your part and him expecting you to pick up things without a learning curve.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:11 AM on September 6, 2014

Is getting yelled at by your boss really a big deal?

My sister is in a job where she gets yelled at occasionally by her boss and this horrifies me. Usually when she tells me about these episodes they're pretty awful-sounding but then it becomes clear that the "yelling" in question is just crappy/shitty sniping. Now I would like to state for the record that I don't think either one of these things are a cool thing for a boss to do, but to me

1. there is a difference between yelling (never okay, indicates a scary impulse control problem) and irritable muttering (not great, but I see it as in the workable area)
2. the fact that she sees them both as the same or interchangeable means that they both impact her seriously
3. regardless of my opinion about #1, my opinion is not the one that matters
4. that said, other people might really care about the difference between yelling and snapping, which is only worthwhile if you want to pursue some sort of response. I don't have much of a sense of what normal is, but I know that my sister and I, both reasonable people, view interactions like this wildly differently

So, please do not get me wrong, I think either situation sucks. To me personally, yelling (angry voice-raised shouting) would be an instant "walk out the door" dealbreaker as if I were in danger whereas sniping/swearing/muttering/snapping fall into a different category of a thing I would feel I might be able to work on. I am not you so it doesn't matter what I think much, but if you want to pursue some sort of "Don't talk to me that way" interaction with your boss there may be nuance to this that would be helpful to you.
posted by jessamyn at 7:24 AM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

> Is getting yelled at by your boss really a big deal?

Depends on you and depends on the boss. A lot of people here seem to be going solely on bad personal experiences, but they don't know you and they don't know your boss; only you can judge. Based on what you say, if the boss doesn't make a habit of it and you can come to terms with the fact that he occasionally blows up and not get too upset about it, you should relax and not worry about it. Jobs are hard to come by, and there are no perfect jobs or perfect bosses (though you'd think from some of the comments here that this wasn't the case). I've had quite a few bosses and been yelled at by a fair number; sometimes they were shits and I wound up quitting, but the best boss I ever had (I'm still friends with him decades later) was a yeller. He didn't mean it personally; he's just excitable and doesn't control himself very well (he's also a musician, for what that's worth). Everybody's different and every situation is different.

Tl;dr: No, it sounds as if it isn't a big deal so far, but stay alert (and of course it's always a good idea to keep an eye peeled for better opportunities).
posted by languagehat at 8:04 AM on September 6, 2014 [5 favorites]

I had a boss who would get angry and irritable for the tiniest reasons. He had no concept of adaptability, and if anything went wrong during a client interaction, he would come down on you after the fact even if you successfully navigated the issue and got through it with no real problems. For normal people, this is not a problem; in fact, I found that when I fought through issues with my clients, they grew closer to me and trusted me to be able to solve their problems, even if the prior issue ended with me saying "I can't fix this, unfortunately. I think you will need to contact your vendor support."

This would inevitably lead to situations where our small team (me, another guy, and my asshole boss) would be sitting in a meeting room with him lecturing about how we don't plan thoroughly enough, as if we would somehow be able to anticipate all client-side problems ahead of time. His supposed solution for client problems was for us to call him in. He never, in my experience, successfully solved a problem.

At that job, I started looking for a new job after a couple of months. It took a few months, but I got out. When I am in interviews and am asked about the six month job, I am frank and honest: I left because my manager was disrespectful.
posted by sonic meat machine at 9:32 AM on September 6, 2014

Is getting yelled at by your boss really a big deal?

The most pernicious thing about toxic behavior in the workplace is how it has a tendency to perpetuate itself because you'll gnarl yourself up with all the habits you grow to protect yourself from angry, toxic people.

I once worked for a manager who was very smart but who'd worked in a series of toxic environments and had spent years developing habits to protect herself: she'd hoard information, never ask for feedback, never praise subordinates, never delegate, and always act supremely confident to a degree that it looked like swagger. This had helped her survive and even thrive in toxic places. The organization we both worked for was unusually flat and open, but her habits turned our group into a place that was just as toxic as the places she'd been used to. She didn't trust us.

When she left, we discovered that she'd been way over her head. She'd acted so confident that everyone had assumed she had everything under control. But projects were failing. Clients were unhappy. Her subordinates (myself included) were so used to blinking at the dark that it was hard to regain our confidence to the right level. The funny thing is, the people she'd kept out of the loop were the very people whose help could have saved her from having to resign.

I know it's hard looking for a new place of employment. From your previous questions, it sounds like you may be at an early place in your career. Working in a place of abundance and respect makes it natural for the workers to treat others with abundance and respect throughout their careers. But working in a place where people lose their tempers and curse at you can damage you in some ways you may not notice.

So I urge you, OP, be mindful. It's hard to get out. Please be sure you have other outlets that keep this from shaping you into someone you don't want to be.
posted by mochapickle at 9:52 AM on September 6, 2014 [5 favorites]

I had a moody boss who would scream herself red about something incredibly menial and then invite you over to her house for a nice, wonderful dinner. My only regret is that I spent almost four years of my life walking on egg shells and trying to play her mind games, because, seven months after leaving that job, I'm still trying to learn how to be normal around normal bosses. IMO, it's never worth working for the moody, screamy, snipey, eggshell boss. Get out before you're too emotionally exhausted to get out.
posted by coast99 at 4:39 PM on September 6, 2014 [2 favorites]

He sounds like a person who is naturally/by default angry all the time. It's probably not JUST you, it's the world.

I'd look for another job, but you will have to suck it up and deal with his anger until you find something else, and that might take awhile, or a long while.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:33 AM on September 7, 2014

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