God damn it, you've got to be kind.
May 3, 2014 7:11 AM   Subscribe

I'm expecting my first child in just a few days. Other than Vonnegut's [title], what are some good, creative, sweet, snarky, or famous things to say to a new born baby to welcome her to the world?

I'm looking particularly for quotes.
posted by dmd to Human Relations (23 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.
posted by pushing paper and bottoming chairs at 8:53 AM on May 3, 2014 [2 favorites]

don't panic
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 9:23 AM on May 3, 2014 [14 favorites]

You might find some quotes that you like in the lyrics to XTC's Garden of Earthly Delights.
posted by moonmilk at 9:47 AM on May 3, 2014 [1 favorite]

Donnesbury - "It's a woman! It's a baby woman!"
posted by heathrowga at 9:48 AM on May 3, 2014 [3 favorites]

On MAD ABOUT YOU, they welcome their baby by saying "welcome, I'm your daddy, this is your mommy and we will be your hosts."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:51 AM on May 3, 2014 [3 favorites]

This is a good time for Alan Shepard's prayer: "Dear god, please don't let me fuck up."
posted by bondcliff at 10:10 AM on May 3, 2014 [4 favorites]

posted by discopolo at 10:12 AM on May 3, 2014 [2 favorites]

Welcome to our planet!
posted by discopolo at 10:15 AM on May 3, 2014

Nobody puts Baby in the corner.
posted by morganannie at 10:18 AM on May 3, 2014 [2 favorites]

We received a photography book version of Desiderata from a friend when our daughter was born - it was lovely.
posted by pantarei70 at 10:30 AM on May 3, 2014

I saw one birth video where everyone in the room sang happy birthday to the brand-new baby. Maybe a little cheesy, but it was so heartfelt, I cried.
posted by missjenny at 10:44 AM on May 3, 2014 [5 favorites]

"Endure pain, find joy, and make your own meaning, because the universe certainly isn't going to supply it. Always be a moving target. Live. Live. Live."

From Lois McMaster Bujold's Barrayar
posted by warm_planet at 12:17 PM on May 3, 2014 [5 favorites]

We wished our son Happy Birthday, and said hello to our daughter. I'm not sure that I could actually remember anything I'd planned, in the excitement of the moment. Serendipity usually takes the lead--my daughter heard the Blue Danube Waltz as she came out, and the anesthesiologist and my midwife did a little dance.
posted by Ideefixe at 12:38 PM on May 3, 2014

I like Philip Larkin's "Born Yesterday" as an unconventional greeting to a newborn. I have never been confident enough about this conviction, however, to send it to any new parent.
posted by teditrix at 12:41 PM on May 3, 2014

We sang Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" at my niece's name giving party and I, for one, cried.

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

posted by coraline at 1:45 PM on May 3, 2014 [1 favorite]

We sang Spirit of Life, the UU hymn, to our little guy 4 months ago. Well, I could barely whisper and nearly passed out, but I tried, and my husband sang.
posted by Cygnet at 3:09 PM on May 3, 2014

You won't want to sing Richard Thompson's End of the Rainbow to your infant but you did include snark in your list and it does have its place...
posted by headnsouth at 4:28 PM on May 3, 2014

“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

“My great hope (for you) is to laugh as much as [you] cry; to get [your] work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.”
― Maya Angelou

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
― Albert Einstein

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up...Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe
posted by kattyann at 5:38 PM on May 3, 2014 [2 favorites]

Ha, trick question. The answer is...your beautiful baby will be who she is, and how she is, despite and without aid of quotes, benedictions, maledictions, and the like. By all means welcome her, but love is all you need. Sorry, not original, but absolutely and empirically true. Ask any parent.

But to answer the question, "Hi there!"
posted by bricoleur at 6:50 PM on May 3, 2014

Never was there a time when I did not exist
nor you nor these lords of men.
Neither will there be a time when we shall not exist;
we all exist from now on.

As the soul experiences in this body
childhood, youth, and old age,
so also it acquires another body;
the sage in this is not deluded.

posted by Sphinx at 8:13 AM on May 4, 2014

"Greetings Earthling!"
posted by carsonb at 10:00 AM on May 4, 2014

There's a lovely 2004 volume edited by Kate Clancy called All the poems you need to say Hello that's full of creative and unusual (mostly short) poems that are evocative and quotable. No nursery rhymes or cross stitched sampler fare!
posted by ejvalentine at 4:23 AM on May 5, 2014

I really love Kid President's Letter To A Person On Their First Day Here.
posted by jillithd at 7:38 AM on May 5, 2014

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