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October 10, 2013 11:30 AM Subscribe
Tips for managing pain in childbirth?
Can you recommend a good book or resource on managing pain in childbirth? I'd like to learn more about meditation, mindfulness techniques, changing your outlook/mindset, etc. Also, any references about different cultural takes on labor and how its experienced.
Can you recommend a good book or resource on managing pain in childbirth? I'd like to learn more about meditation, mindfulness techniques, changing your outlook/mindset, etc. Also, any references about different cultural takes on labor and how its experienced.
A book on The Bradley Method.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:33 AM on October 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:33 AM on October 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Hypnobabies is another popular method.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:34 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:34 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
You may want to check into hypno-birthing. I have a Doula friend who uses it and supposedly it's pretty great.
Also, if you're in serious pain, do consider the eipidural. It can make an exhausting, painful experience bearable.
Talk to your doctor or midwife about what you can expect, and talk to your mother, since many of the experiences are genetic (for example in my family we don't produce a lot of progesterone. I was 3 weeks late and my mother's labor was 36 hours. My sister was induced and ultimately hauled out with forceps.)
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:36 AM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, if you're in serious pain, do consider the eipidural. It can make an exhausting, painful experience bearable.
Talk to your doctor or midwife about what you can expect, and talk to your mother, since many of the experiences are genetic (for example in my family we don't produce a lot of progesterone. I was 3 weeks late and my mother's labor was 36 hours. My sister was induced and ultimately hauled out with forceps.)
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:36 AM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'd like to recommend Sheila Kitzinger's books. They aren't really how-to books, and she has a strongly pro-homebirth stance, but she is thoughtful and interesting, I am most familiar with The Experience of Childbirth, which was great, but she has a newer book, Rediscovering Birth that looks to be a cross-cultural approach.
posted by Sybil Stockwell Oop at 11:47 AM on October 10, 2013
posted by Sybil Stockwell Oop at 11:47 AM on October 10, 2013
Nthing Bradley Method. Bonus: the skills you learn can be used to cope with other sorts of acute pain while you're awaiting treatment: kidney stones, infected tooth, etc.
posted by drlith at 11:49 AM on October 10, 2013
posted by drlith at 11:49 AM on October 10, 2013
I'm at nearly 33 weeks with my first, so this is.... on my mind. My midwife (whom I respect) recommends these resources.
Obviously I have no experience yet, but here are some things I've been doing to prepare:
-reading several books written by midwives which include many, many accounts of childbirth (my favorite so far: Baby Catcher; though keep in mind I'm not reading the book to get some kind of philosophy, just a lot of examples)
-watching birth videos on YouTube, trying not to get psyched out, just seeing how it is for people
-practicing relaxing and breathing whenever I have Braxton Hicks contractions, which is all the time, not because they hurt or anything but because I'd like to get used to automatically trying to relax when a contraction arrives
-coming up with personal guidelines about at what point (after how many hours of failure to progress, for example) I think I may want pain medication, but not getting too wedded to the ideas
-just reflecting gently on the fact that it's really going to hurt, but it doesn't HAVE to be awful or suffering necessarily, and trying to accept the fact that I don't know how it'll be
-making sure my husband is aware of the physiology of labor, typical progression, typical really difficult parts, etc.
posted by Cygnet at 11:49 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Obviously I have no experience yet, but here are some things I've been doing to prepare:
-reading several books written by midwives which include many, many accounts of childbirth (my favorite so far: Baby Catcher; though keep in mind I'm not reading the book to get some kind of philosophy, just a lot of examples)
-watching birth videos on YouTube, trying not to get psyched out, just seeing how it is for people
-practicing relaxing and breathing whenever I have Braxton Hicks contractions, which is all the time, not because they hurt or anything but because I'd like to get used to automatically trying to relax when a contraction arrives
-coming up with personal guidelines about at what point (after how many hours of failure to progress, for example) I think I may want pain medication, but not getting too wedded to the ideas
-just reflecting gently on the fact that it's really going to hurt, but it doesn't HAVE to be awful or suffering necessarily, and trying to accept the fact that I don't know how it'll be
-making sure my husband is aware of the physiology of labor, typical progression, typical really difficult parts, etc.
posted by Cygnet at 11:49 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, and also, I have a long-standing meditation practice that lately has been very much oriented towards staying present and allowing the labor process to happen, even though I'll probably be scared and in pain. I've just been reflecting a lot on how my previous experiences in pain (abcessed tooth, broken hand) were for me, what helped me then, and how I can try to stay with the experience and not clench up and try to stop it, which obviously is impossible. I have no idea if this will actually help my labor or not (and hey, maybe I'll have an emergency C-section, you never know), but I feel like it helps me face the uncertainty more bravely.
posted by Cygnet at 11:54 AM on October 10, 2013
posted by Cygnet at 11:54 AM on October 10, 2013
I don't remember much of my labor with my first daughter (it went on for a while, she got stuck, vacuum extractor, yadda yadda) but I do remember the bliss of getting to sit in the bath for a while. It made all the muscle tensions that had accumulated with the contractions just...go away. Man it was nice.
(Then my midwife made me get out because it slowed things down too much. But it was awesome while it lasted.)
So a bath during labor might be nice if it's an option.
posted by leahwrenn at 11:58 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
(Then my midwife made me get out because it slowed things down too much. But it was awesome while it lasted.)
So a bath during labor might be nice if it's an option.
posted by leahwrenn at 11:58 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I used The Mongan Method of Hypno-Birthing and also took a Hypno-Birthing course that was offered through the hospital. The course was okay, it was basically an overview of everything in the book, but we did get to see some interesting videos. I found out about the course by calling the hospital's outreach department. I am happy to say that I gave birth to a 9lb 3oz little person who had a 21" head circumference completely without drugs, I was singing while it was happening, and the whole thing took about 3 hours. Woohoo!
I also took regular prenatal yoga classes, had regular visits with my chiropractor, and treated myself to a couple of massages. None of this was expensive.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 11:59 AM on October 10, 2013
I also took regular prenatal yoga classes, had regular visits with my chiropractor, and treated myself to a couple of massages. None of this was expensive.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 11:59 AM on October 10, 2013
I would suggest midwife Ina May Gaskin's Spiritual Midwifery. It paints a very different picture of birth than the one we're normally exposed to on TV and in films.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:01 PM on October 10, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 12:01 PM on October 10, 2013 [9 favorites]
Seconding Sheila Kitzinger. Penny Simkin is another name to look for--you may be interested in her 3 Rs (Relaxation, Rhythm, and Ritual).
Possibly you are already researching physical comfort measures as well, but if not I'd encourage you to include them along with meditation and mindfulness techniques. I think it's really important to have a combination of physical and emotional/mental techniques in your toolbox. Make sure you also consider things like warm baths, walking, a birth ball if available, massage if you have a support person who will be available to you, and so on.
(I've never given birth myself but am a doula.)
posted by snorkmaiden at 12:03 PM on October 10, 2013
Possibly you are already researching physical comfort measures as well, but if not I'd encourage you to include them along with meditation and mindfulness techniques. I think it's really important to have a combination of physical and emotional/mental techniques in your toolbox. Make sure you also consider things like warm baths, walking, a birth ball if available, massage if you have a support person who will be available to you, and so on.
(I've never given birth myself but am a doula.)
posted by snorkmaiden at 12:03 PM on October 10, 2013
Oh, I haven't read any of the other answers, so someone may have recommended this already, but I also really liked some of the ideas in Birthing From Within, although I did not implement them. However, reading parts of the book really helped to open my mind to the possiblity of a managable and joyful birth experience.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 12:03 PM on October 10, 2013
posted by lakersfan1222 at 12:03 PM on October 10, 2013
Another Hypnobirthing convert. I had both of my kids at home by choice. Hypnobirthing gave me the confidence I could handle the pain.
posted by Dragonness at 12:15 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Dragonness at 12:15 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I would recommend not reading anything by any blogger, any childbirth forum or indeed, anything on the internet. I've had two big babies (over 8 lbs.) , one with no meds/painkillers and one by C-section, and I think the C-section was worse. Both weren't nearly as painful as a green-stick fracture. Talking to people who'd given birth was more helpful than reading for me.
posted by Ideefixe at 12:15 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Ideefixe at 12:15 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Yes to Bradley.
posted by headnsouth at 12:22 PM on October 10, 2013
posted by headnsouth at 12:22 PM on October 10, 2013
Here's what I wish someone had told me:
Where you give birth is going to have a gigantic impact on what you are able to do to manage your own pain relief.
Hospitals are, in general, not comfortable places. I am not advocating homebirth by saying that, just pointing out that a building full of, and built to treat, sick people, that is generally brightly lit, sterile, overly chilled, and has nowhere to sit or lean but a hospital bed, is not a comfortable place to do things like squat, get on all fours, use a birthing tub, or an exercise ball, or walk around, or what have you. If relaxing and working with your pain/contractions is important to you, then you need to determine what kind of control/what options you have in the place you give birth. Will you be scolded or yelled at for taking off the monitor to move around, or sitting on the toilet, or standing in the shower, or lying in the tub to manage your pain? Will you be allowed to walk up and down the hallways? Will you be pressured to use/increase pitocin if you don't deliver by X time, regardless of how you and the baby are doing?
These are the questions you need to ask. And if you get chirpy or vague answers to them, then you should be prepared to deal with resistance or even hostility if what you want to do conflicts with what the staff/doctor wants you to do, even if what they want is really about convenience/their comfort level than about any real safety issues.
(and if you use pitocin, it will almost always mean you will need an epidural, because it makes contractions faster and stronger and you may not be able to get on top of the pain. Once you have an epidural, you will end up on your back because your legs stop working. Walking epidurals exist, but very few practitioners seem to know how to administer them.)
Some hospitals have moved past the flat-on-the-back, monitor-strapped-on, medicated to the gills type of labor. Some haven't. Sometimes it depends on who's treating you that night, or what nurse is on duty. Sometimes they tell you on the tour that there's a birthing tub, but when you are in labor, no one knows where it is or how to set it up. Sometimes they let you bring in a doula or helper, sometimes they don't.
And it is really hard to advocate for yourself while in labor. Hard for your partner, too. But if you are going to need to do so, then you must go in prepared, knowing what you want, and capable of saying "no."
It's not about a perfect, crystals-and-music, hippy-new-age birth plan; it's about finding a way, in a strange place, to relax and focus on the hard work of labor and pain management, and whether that task will be impossible because of your location/the people around you constantly questioning, pressuring, interrupting, or otherwise stressing you out.
Only you can figure out a) what you want and b) how to increase your chances of getting it.
One way to find out how successful your hospital is in helping women birth is to check them out at CesareanRates.com (if they're on there; they are constantly gathering data but not all states provide hospital-specific data).
One other useful thing to do, if you think you might want to exercise more control over what happens to you, is to Google and learn about EMTALA; basically it gives you some legal cover from being pressured. Know that regardless of what choices you make, you cannot be discharged from the hospital once you are in active labor, until after the baby and placenta are delivered. You cannot legally (although sadly some hospitals have tried) be forced to use any procedure, including cesarean. Nor (again, sadly, some women have been told this) can CPS prosecute you for deciding against a c-section or procedure; nor can your insurer refuse to cover you for not agreeing to a procedure.
Now: none of this may apply. You may want as medicated a birth as possible, not be bothered by a c-section, or have a hospital and practitioner who are happy to go along with your wishes.
But since nobody told me these things, I feel obligated to share them when asked about birth and pain management.
posted by emjaybee at 12:40 PM on October 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
Where you give birth is going to have a gigantic impact on what you are able to do to manage your own pain relief.
Hospitals are, in general, not comfortable places. I am not advocating homebirth by saying that, just pointing out that a building full of, and built to treat, sick people, that is generally brightly lit, sterile, overly chilled, and has nowhere to sit or lean but a hospital bed, is not a comfortable place to do things like squat, get on all fours, use a birthing tub, or an exercise ball, or walk around, or what have you. If relaxing and working with your pain/contractions is important to you, then you need to determine what kind of control/what options you have in the place you give birth. Will you be scolded or yelled at for taking off the monitor to move around, or sitting on the toilet, or standing in the shower, or lying in the tub to manage your pain? Will you be allowed to walk up and down the hallways? Will you be pressured to use/increase pitocin if you don't deliver by X time, regardless of how you and the baby are doing?
These are the questions you need to ask. And if you get chirpy or vague answers to them, then you should be prepared to deal with resistance or even hostility if what you want to do conflicts with what the staff/doctor wants you to do, even if what they want is really about convenience/their comfort level than about any real safety issues.
(and if you use pitocin, it will almost always mean you will need an epidural, because it makes contractions faster and stronger and you may not be able to get on top of the pain. Once you have an epidural, you will end up on your back because your legs stop working. Walking epidurals exist, but very few practitioners seem to know how to administer them.)
Some hospitals have moved past the flat-on-the-back, monitor-strapped-on, medicated to the gills type of labor. Some haven't. Sometimes it depends on who's treating you that night, or what nurse is on duty. Sometimes they tell you on the tour that there's a birthing tub, but when you are in labor, no one knows where it is or how to set it up. Sometimes they let you bring in a doula or helper, sometimes they don't.
And it is really hard to advocate for yourself while in labor. Hard for your partner, too. But if you are going to need to do so, then you must go in prepared, knowing what you want, and capable of saying "no."
It's not about a perfect, crystals-and-music, hippy-new-age birth plan; it's about finding a way, in a strange place, to relax and focus on the hard work of labor and pain management, and whether that task will be impossible because of your location/the people around you constantly questioning, pressuring, interrupting, or otherwise stressing you out.
Only you can figure out a) what you want and b) how to increase your chances of getting it.
One way to find out how successful your hospital is in helping women birth is to check them out at CesareanRates.com (if they're on there; they are constantly gathering data but not all states provide hospital-specific data).
One other useful thing to do, if you think you might want to exercise more control over what happens to you, is to Google and learn about EMTALA; basically it gives you some legal cover from being pressured. Know that regardless of what choices you make, you cannot be discharged from the hospital once you are in active labor, until after the baby and placenta are delivered. You cannot legally (although sadly some hospitals have tried) be forced to use any procedure, including cesarean. Nor (again, sadly, some women have been told this) can CPS prosecute you for deciding against a c-section or procedure; nor can your insurer refuse to cover you for not agreeing to a procedure.
Now: none of this may apply. You may want as medicated a birth as possible, not be bothered by a c-section, or have a hospital and practitioner who are happy to go along with your wishes.
But since nobody told me these things, I feel obligated to share them when asked about birth and pain management.
posted by emjaybee at 12:40 PM on October 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
I used Hypnobirthing for my second kid, and it was amazing. I had a very fast, very intense labor, and while I definitely felt pain and definitely yelled a lot -- no blissed out YouTube birth for me -- it never sucked me under. My metaphor for labor is that it's like surfing; you can never control the ocean, but you can find your place in the wave, let it bear you up and move you forwards, instead of rolling you over and over and tumbling you in the surf and getting sand up your nose. Hypnobirthing helped me surf my labor waves instead of going down with them.
posted by KathrynT at 1:03 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by KathrynT at 1:03 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Another recommendation for hypnobabies. It's amazing.
posted by medusa at 1:36 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by medusa at 1:36 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
If you're open to pain-relieving drugs/epidurals, I found this viewpoint useful:
Pain is Womanly, and Other Bullshit Myths of Childbirth.
Long before I ever experienced labor, I had been through some intense pain, and I didn’t find it a redeeming experience. It fucking sucked.
Again, that’s just me. Some women prefer to experience the pain of childbirth full-on. They take comfort in that knowledge that they are letting nature take its course. I think that’s gutsy and those women deserve a lot of respect. But it’s also an indisputable fact that natural childbirth has killed millions of women—historically, about one out of every 100 human births kills the mother. Humans have one of the most dangerous birthing processes of any organism on the planet. I wanted to be in my right mind when I went up against those kinds of odds. Given a choice between being natural and being lucid, I’ll take the brain function every time.
posted by momus_window at 1:39 PM on October 10, 2013 [8 favorites]
Pain is Womanly, and Other Bullshit Myths of Childbirth.
Long before I ever experienced labor, I had been through some intense pain, and I didn’t find it a redeeming experience. It fucking sucked.
Again, that’s just me. Some women prefer to experience the pain of childbirth full-on. They take comfort in that knowledge that they are letting nature take its course. I think that’s gutsy and those women deserve a lot of respect. But it’s also an indisputable fact that natural childbirth has killed millions of women—historically, about one out of every 100 human births kills the mother. Humans have one of the most dangerous birthing processes of any organism on the planet. I wanted to be in my right mind when I went up against those kinds of odds. Given a choice between being natural and being lucid, I’ll take the brain function every time.
posted by momus_window at 1:39 PM on October 10, 2013 [8 favorites]
Although labor hurts across the board, there are particular orientations of the fetus in the womb that "work" or don't work with the anatomy of the pelvis, and that can help make labor briefer and less painful, or the reverse. I really like the website spinningbabies.com for rational explanations of optimal fetal positioning and tips on what the mom can do to get the fetus oriented properly in the final weeks of pregnancy. Along similar lines, The Labor Progress Handbook is a little technical, but has a great rundown of various positions a woman can take during labor that help speed things up/ make her more comfortable.
Also, nthing hot water during labor. Baths never did much for me, but the shower was a godsend.
posted by Bardolph at 1:44 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, nthing hot water during labor. Baths never did much for me, but the shower was a godsend.
posted by Bardolph at 1:44 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for all the input so far. FWIW, I'm not opposed to getting an epidural. My concern is that it may lengthen labor, so first I want to try some other techniques and see how it goes. I don't want to get an epidural by default, only if I feel like I need it (and I do understand that at some point, it's too late to opt in).
I'll be delivering at UCSF (Univ. of Calif. at San Francisco Hospital), which has a relatively low c-section rate and a reputation for being non-interventionist. They also provide nitrous oxide, which gives me an intermediate pain relief option.
It sounds like there's a lot of support for Bradley and Hypnobabies, as well as some other great resources I can check out. I appreciate all the suggestions!
posted by pompelmo at 1:50 PM on October 10, 2013
I'll be delivering at UCSF (Univ. of Calif. at San Francisco Hospital), which has a relatively low c-section rate and a reputation for being non-interventionist. They also provide nitrous oxide, which gives me an intermediate pain relief option.
It sounds like there's a lot of support for Bradley and Hypnobabies, as well as some other great resources I can check out. I appreciate all the suggestions!
posted by pompelmo at 1:50 PM on October 10, 2013
Also wanted to point out that while people take strong ideological positions pro- and anti-epidural, it really doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing proposition. For instance, I've read that waiting until 6cm dilation or so to get an epidural results in relatively fewer interventions/cascades to C-section than epidurals right off the bat, at like 2cm. Also, resisting induction and having a healthcare provider who's got a relatively non-interventionist philosophy of labor in general might buy you some time for labor to progress naturally even with an epidural. Lastly, there are low-dose "walking epidurals," or, failing that, non-supine positions you can assume even with a full epidural, that facilitate labor progress much more effectively than the standard lying-on-your-back deal.
The Unnecesarean and Evidence-Based Birth are two websites that I found give fairly well-reasoned and science-based perspectives on various protocols and interventions in childbirth, including options for pain relief and how they affect the rest of the birthing process. Worth checking them out if you're interested in the medical/science-y side of things.
posted by Bardolph at 1:55 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
The Unnecesarean and Evidence-Based Birth are two websites that I found give fairly well-reasoned and science-based perspectives on various protocols and interventions in childbirth, including options for pain relief and how they affect the rest of the birthing process. Worth checking them out if you're interested in the medical/science-y side of things.
posted by Bardolph at 1:55 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
UCSF is an amazing hospital, so you're all up on that one!
Discuss your concerns with your Midwife/Doctor before hand, especially the epidural. Have you ever had Nitrous Oxide before? Some folks can experience a headache as a side effect, so be aware.
Mazel-Tov!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:18 PM on October 10, 2013
Discuss your concerns with your Midwife/Doctor before hand, especially the epidural. Have you ever had Nitrous Oxide before? Some folks can experience a headache as a side effect, so be aware.
Mazel-Tov!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:18 PM on October 10, 2013
Best answer: Oh, pick me! Today is Botfly Keasby's due date... but he decided to come 2.5 weeks early so he could sleep comfortably on the belly instead of in the belly for his expected birthday.
I did Bradley and Mongan/Hyponobirthing and internetted the sh*t out of natural birthing blogs for the past nine months. Three weeks before the birth, I moved from Cambridge to the midwest, where I could not have a midwife oversee a hospital birth. Due to my discomfort with the CS rate and reported attitude of the ob/gyns at the local hospital, we chose to do a homebirth with CNM and assistant.
Without delving into the sordid details of my own exciting story (trust me, this requires a lot of self-restraint ... you will see), here's the summary: I labored for 10 excruciating hours, and pushed for over four hours. Keasbyman took me to the hospital in the back of the car, and the doctor ultimately delivered the little parasite with forceps and second degree episiotomy. They had already called to prep the OR when, through our combined effort, the baby finally made it out the considerably-widened gate.
My short-term takeaway is that there is no amount of "special breathing" or "visualizing rainbows" or "deep meditation" that takes away the pain. Maybe I didn't study hard enough, maybe I'm not a relaxed enough person. Maybe my labor was worse than most, maybe not. All I can tell you is, please go in to whatever you do with eyes wide open. I was incredibly naive, and really thought I could transcend it all. Nope. Every phase was excruciatingly and unimaginably more painful than the one before. I say this not to scare you, but to underline the fact that you are very wise to think of this as pain management at best.
Things that helped me: hot shower and tub. I would have stayed in my shower all 14 hours if the hot water hadn't run out. (Curses! Turn up your hot water heater!) Being at home helped, too ... I could walk around stark naked, scream, cry and otherwise be a disaster all without shame. Using multiple pushing positions helped marginally, not so much to mitigate pain as to keep a sense of engagement and momentum when things weren't progressing.
Now, afterwards, I was thrilled to be at the hospital. I seriously underestimated how nice it is to have room service and nurse care for two days. In a way, despite my disappointment with regard to forceps/epi outcome, I think it worked out perfectly. The doctor, midwife and nurses all agree that had I come to the hospital to begin with, I would have ended up with a CS. And by staying at home, I did accomplish my goal of no medication. I also came to deeply appreciate that medication is absolutely nothing by which to judge others (says the girl who was screaming for medication three hours into the ordeal.) Ultimately, Keasbyspawn would not have come out without medical intervention. Make sure you understand all potential outcomes, and have a realistic/pragmatic attitude toward all of them. I would have become despondently depressed if you had told me I'd be giving birth on my back in the situation I did, but in the end it worked out fine. I guess what I'm trying to say is, manage your expectations and emotions. There's no one book that can teach that; it's an attitude you have to cultivate, or so I believe.
In conclusion, and my apologies for the wordiness, I walked away thinking I misled myself by committing too absolutely to natural childbirth, and not fully researching medication-based pain management options. I also firmly believe, at least for me, that no "philosophy" or mental strategy would have helped reduce the pain. It's primal. I am willingly to acknowledge that pain-free births may exist, but based on my experience this seems as foreign and improbable as religious deities manifesting, or unicorns, or a perfectly functioning governmental system. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for all these things, but do have a Plan B that you also feel good about. This all said, the reward is truly worth it. It truly does cease to hurt the second you deliver. (Then it dully throbs for 2+ weeks.)
Best of luck! You seem conscientious, intelligent and willing to prepare yourself. This attitude more than anything will lead you to the best outcome for you. Early congratulations on your wonderful new life!
posted by keasby at 2:38 PM on October 10, 2013 [14 favorites]
I did Bradley and Mongan/Hyponobirthing and internetted the sh*t out of natural birthing blogs for the past nine months. Three weeks before the birth, I moved from Cambridge to the midwest, where I could not have a midwife oversee a hospital birth. Due to my discomfort with the CS rate and reported attitude of the ob/gyns at the local hospital, we chose to do a homebirth with CNM and assistant.
Without delving into the sordid details of my own exciting story (trust me, this requires a lot of self-restraint ... you will see), here's the summary: I labored for 10 excruciating hours, and pushed for over four hours. Keasbyman took me to the hospital in the back of the car, and the doctor ultimately delivered the little parasite with forceps and second degree episiotomy. They had already called to prep the OR when, through our combined effort, the baby finally made it out the considerably-widened gate.
My short-term takeaway is that there is no amount of "special breathing" or "visualizing rainbows" or "deep meditation" that takes away the pain. Maybe I didn't study hard enough, maybe I'm not a relaxed enough person. Maybe my labor was worse than most, maybe not. All I can tell you is, please go in to whatever you do with eyes wide open. I was incredibly naive, and really thought I could transcend it all. Nope. Every phase was excruciatingly and unimaginably more painful than the one before. I say this not to scare you, but to underline the fact that you are very wise to think of this as pain management at best.
Things that helped me: hot shower and tub. I would have stayed in my shower all 14 hours if the hot water hadn't run out. (Curses! Turn up your hot water heater!) Being at home helped, too ... I could walk around stark naked, scream, cry and otherwise be a disaster all without shame. Using multiple pushing positions helped marginally, not so much to mitigate pain as to keep a sense of engagement and momentum when things weren't progressing.
Now, afterwards, I was thrilled to be at the hospital. I seriously underestimated how nice it is to have room service and nurse care for two days. In a way, despite my disappointment with regard to forceps/epi outcome, I think it worked out perfectly. The doctor, midwife and nurses all agree that had I come to the hospital to begin with, I would have ended up with a CS. And by staying at home, I did accomplish my goal of no medication. I also came to deeply appreciate that medication is absolutely nothing by which to judge others (says the girl who was screaming for medication three hours into the ordeal.) Ultimately, Keasbyspawn would not have come out without medical intervention. Make sure you understand all potential outcomes, and have a realistic/pragmatic attitude toward all of them. I would have become despondently depressed if you had told me I'd be giving birth on my back in the situation I did, but in the end it worked out fine. I guess what I'm trying to say is, manage your expectations and emotions. There's no one book that can teach that; it's an attitude you have to cultivate, or so I believe.
In conclusion, and my apologies for the wordiness, I walked away thinking I misled myself by committing too absolutely to natural childbirth, and not fully researching medication-based pain management options. I also firmly believe, at least for me, that no "philosophy" or mental strategy would have helped reduce the pain. It's primal. I am willingly to acknowledge that pain-free births may exist, but based on my experience this seems as foreign and improbable as religious deities manifesting, or unicorns, or a perfectly functioning governmental system. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for all these things, but do have a Plan B that you also feel good about. This all said, the reward is truly worth it. It truly does cease to hurt the second you deliver. (Then it dully throbs for 2+ weeks.)
Best of luck! You seem conscientious, intelligent and willing to prepare yourself. This attitude more than anything will lead you to the best outcome for you. Early congratulations on your wonderful new life!
posted by keasby at 2:38 PM on October 10, 2013 [14 favorites]
Best answer: I am not a lady, and have never given birth. But being involved with the births of my partner and sisters, I would just say 1) birth and the pains thereof have a lot of variation. A lot. My sister said shutting your finger in a door hurts way more, my partner was basically in agony. So it's super duper hard to predict how painful it will be for you.
2) As a corollary, please do not feel like a failure, or weak, or a let down if you want medication; you want it fast; and you fucking want the most hard-core shit they have, and if you freebase it does it work faster? No one but you will know what your birth experience is like; your judgement is always the best, and it will not harm you, or the baby if you take some form of pain relief.
3) Maybe this was just our experience with one mid wife at one hospital, but our mid-wife was extremely resistant to the idea of an epidural, and did everything she could to discourage it, all kinds of stalling tactics, prevaricating and I felt stopping just short of misrepresentation. The result was by time the midwife finally got the doctor to come and deliver the epidural, hours after we had asked for it, my partner - who had endured days of pre-labour pains and was exhausted and sobbing - could only have it in for an hour before it was 'time to push'.
You may be stressed out, tired, obviously distracted, and possibly in intense pain - you won't necessarily have the force of will be be a good advocate for your needs in this situation (and this could just as easily go the other way, e.g saying no to an epidural). So make sure you have spoken about your game plan, tentative thoughts and needs with whoever is in the room with you, so they can be a good advocate for you if your needs are not being heeded by the medical professionals. I personally feel that I fell down in this area as we were too nervous, keyed-up, tired, and wide-eyed to take a harder line with the midwife about what we wanted.
Best of luck! One comforting thing is that the majority of people don't make it to 100 contractions before the baby comes, so once they start, you know that there really is a finite limit on Labour.
posted by smoke at 3:54 PM on October 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
2) As a corollary, please do not feel like a failure, or weak, or a let down if you want medication; you want it fast; and you fucking want the most hard-core shit they have, and if you freebase it does it work faster? No one but you will know what your birth experience is like; your judgement is always the best, and it will not harm you, or the baby if you take some form of pain relief.
3) Maybe this was just our experience with one mid wife at one hospital, but our mid-wife was extremely resistant to the idea of an epidural, and did everything she could to discourage it, all kinds of stalling tactics, prevaricating and I felt stopping just short of misrepresentation. The result was by time the midwife finally got the doctor to come and deliver the epidural, hours after we had asked for it, my partner - who had endured days of pre-labour pains and was exhausted and sobbing - could only have it in for an hour before it was 'time to push'.
You may be stressed out, tired, obviously distracted, and possibly in intense pain - you won't necessarily have the force of will be be a good advocate for your needs in this situation (and this could just as easily go the other way, e.g saying no to an epidural). So make sure you have spoken about your game plan, tentative thoughts and needs with whoever is in the room with you, so they can be a good advocate for you if your needs are not being heeded by the medical professionals. I personally feel that I fell down in this area as we were too nervous, keyed-up, tired, and wide-eyed to take a harder line with the midwife about what we wanted.
Best of luck! One comforting thing is that the majority of people don't make it to 100 contractions before the baby comes, so once they start, you know that there really is a finite limit on Labour.
posted by smoke at 3:54 PM on October 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
I appreciated having a doula at my delivery. At one point I felt like if I had a contraction, and my doula was not there to do sacral counterpressure on me, I would panic. I think my husband could have been trained to do it given some work ahead of time, but at that moment, he wasn't able to pick it up fast enough to be able to do it. And I also had been hoping he could help me during transition, by telling me when a contraction was ending so that I could get myself through it, and by trying to motivate me by saying it was transition and that meant that it was the worst part, and if I was panicking, that was all part of being in transition.
What ended up happening was that when I actually started panicking, my husband forgot all the stuff I had taught and drilled him on about transition, got scared too, and couldn't do much except cling to my hand and look anxious. And because I was trying my best to not completely fall apart and turn into a shrieking banshee, and I could hardly answer basic questions not to mention think straight, I also had no idea I was in transition.
So I got an epidural at that point (about 8-9cm). It worked out pretty well for me, but just remember that in plenty of cases, maybe the majority, the epidural does not take away all the pain, especially towards the end. I still found pushing to be quite painful, and had a fairly high dose epidural which meant I could barely move my legs. I recommend a lower dose epidural if there are options, so that you can change positions more easily, because that can be a huge help at the end to make you more comfortable and help you avoid further interventions if things are headed that way.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:06 PM on October 10, 2013
What ended up happening was that when I actually started panicking, my husband forgot all the stuff I had taught and drilled him on about transition, got scared too, and couldn't do much except cling to my hand and look anxious. And because I was trying my best to not completely fall apart and turn into a shrieking banshee, and I could hardly answer basic questions not to mention think straight, I also had no idea I was in transition.
So I got an epidural at that point (about 8-9cm). It worked out pretty well for me, but just remember that in plenty of cases, maybe the majority, the epidural does not take away all the pain, especially towards the end. I still found pushing to be quite painful, and had a fairly high dose epidural which meant I could barely move my legs. I recommend a lower dose epidural if there are options, so that you can change positions more easily, because that can be a huge help at the end to make you more comfortable and help you avoid further interventions if things are headed that way.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:06 PM on October 10, 2013
lots of people are recommending Bradley for a good reason! I would also recommend Ina may's Guide to Childbirth.
I like to think that doing lots of yoga (regular and prenatal) and drinking red raspberry leaf tea helped me deliver my son 7 months ago!
posted by sabh at 8:08 PM on October 10, 2013
I like to think that doing lots of yoga (regular and prenatal) and drinking red raspberry leaf tea helped me deliver my son 7 months ago!
posted by sabh at 8:08 PM on October 10, 2013
Every delivery is different, so this is just my obversvations about my own delivery and what helped me: It's not about stopping the pain or feeling no pain, its about moving through it. It will end and it will be over. Standing up and moving as much as possible. Not being tied down by ivs or epidurals. Getting to use a birthing tub. Having a non-husband professional who suggested different postitions and who knew my preferences about L&D. Understanding the whole mechanism of birth and knowing where my baby was as he worked his way down. Having my husband there to squeeze his hands. Hard. I skimmed the interesting parts if Ina MaY's book and some others. I watched videos of interventionless childbirth.
posted by HMSSM at 8:52 PM on October 10, 2013
posted by HMSSM at 8:52 PM on October 10, 2013
I would strongly recommend a doula - you and your partner are both doing this for the first time. Having someone there who is focused on you and your needs - not your medical needs but your comfort and being an interface to help you with the staff is huge. For me with my first child my fear of the unknown and of the degree to which I was out of control (which is inherent in giving birth) would have been alleviated with a doula. I had my first child in a hospital and second and third at home. For me, managing pain was largely about feeling safe, being hydrated and having a bunch of comfort measures like a hot bath, counter-pressure on my back with second child and my husband cracking dreadful jokes. Different things may work for you but having someone there who knows about birth and who is there for you will help.
And congratulations - giving birth and becoming a mother is amazing and transformative however your birth goes!
posted by leslies at 8:54 PM on October 10, 2013
And congratulations - giving birth and becoming a mother is amazing and transformative however your birth goes!
posted by leslies at 8:54 PM on October 10, 2013
I delivered at UCSF as well (last year) and it was a good experience overall. They offer a class in Mindfulness for Childbirth and Parenting that is quite helpful. Memail me & I'd be happy to chat more about my experiences both with preparing for birth and with the delivery.
posted by judith at 10:36 PM on October 10, 2013
posted by judith at 10:36 PM on October 10, 2013
I've had two unmediated births at a Birth Center (youngest tangerine is 3 weeks old). Without discrediting anyone's experience, I am so pleased I did not need medical interventions. I think it's extremely helpful to remember that every woman, and indeed every birth is different. Personally, I did not find contractions "painful" so much as "overwhelming," and that was really only the case as we neared transition. Pushing burns like hell but I was fortunate that it was over very quickly & then I had a baby and all that lovely natural oxytocin love juice.
It was important to me for many reasons to not be in a hospital setting, and I found having a doula I trusted was invaluable.
I think the "riding the wave" analogies are very helpful. I recommend Penny Simpkin's "The Birth Partner" which explains the stages of labor from the support person's perspective, but was helpful for me to feel like I had a less subjective understanding of what was going on. There's quite a bit about anticipating the laboring woman's emotional state in various stages that was interesting, and helped me prepare myself mentally.
I could talk about this at length, so I will stop now. I'm going to be writing my birth story out in th next few days, so memail me if you want another example to ponder.
After my first baby I had a difficult post partim period, as I was completely unprepared for the physical pain that lingered for weeks. This second time around, almost zero healing time was required. Neither time did I have any perineal tearing or stitches, just some minor abrasions the first time.
posted by purpletangerine at 5:50 AM on October 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
It was important to me for many reasons to not be in a hospital setting, and I found having a doula I trusted was invaluable.
I think the "riding the wave" analogies are very helpful. I recommend Penny Simpkin's "The Birth Partner" which explains the stages of labor from the support person's perspective, but was helpful for me to feel like I had a less subjective understanding of what was going on. There's quite a bit about anticipating the laboring woman's emotional state in various stages that was interesting, and helped me prepare myself mentally.
I could talk about this at length, so I will stop now. I'm going to be writing my birth story out in th next few days, so memail me if you want another example to ponder.
After my first baby I had a difficult post partim period, as I was completely unprepared for the physical pain that lingered for weeks. This second time around, almost zero healing time was required. Neither time did I have any perineal tearing or stitches, just some minor abrasions the first time.
posted by purpletangerine at 5:50 AM on October 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Just wanted to agree to some extent with purpletangerine's point about contractions. I think it is the minority of women who would say contractions are not painful - if contractions are not painful then that brings into question the definition of pain, to me - but overwhelming is a much better term for them. I could bear the pain. The part that I was having trouble dealing with was the overwhelmingness of it. I felt like I was going to lose myself in the contractions, that is why the "wave" analogy is so good - it also felt like being on a precipice and expecting to fall off, to me. I think if you focus in your training on getting out of an overwhelmed mindset, that will serve you well.
I considered this, leading up to labor, but I should have literally practiced bellowing and stuff. I figured in the moment, I'd just be able to do it, but being overwhelmed was turning all my bellows into screams (i.e. starting low pitched, going high pitched and panicky at the end). That made the noise ineffective and added to the panic sensation. If I ever get the chance to do this again, I think I will have a much better idea of how to work through this situation. It's hard to describe without experiencing it but I hope this may be helpful.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 10:50 AM on October 11, 2013
I considered this, leading up to labor, but I should have literally practiced bellowing and stuff. I figured in the moment, I'd just be able to do it, but being overwhelmed was turning all my bellows into screams (i.e. starting low pitched, going high pitched and panicky at the end). That made the noise ineffective and added to the panic sensation. If I ever get the chance to do this again, I think I will have a much better idea of how to work through this situation. It's hard to describe without experiencing it but I hope this may be helpful.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 10:50 AM on October 11, 2013
Years have passed since I delivered and by C section because my little ones were in sideways...I had a friend ask me if I felt like a failure because I did not give birth naturally.....hmmmm never really crossed my mind...my job was to get my babies here safe and sound....I am sure they never minded that I did not suffer. So you are the one who needs to focus on getting your little one here safe and sound...you having pain may or may not need to be part of the requirement. Happy baby by the way.
posted by OhSusannah at 9:12 PM on October 13, 2013
posted by OhSusannah at 9:12 PM on October 13, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by chiababe at 11:33 AM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]