I want to want to look good
September 6, 2013 2:32 PM Subscribe
A few years ago I was on a great weight loss path, and then it stopped when disaster struck... but the gist of it is a big part of my motivation was the SO I had at the time. So how do I get motivated for me? I want to lose weight, but not enough to overcome my self-imposed obstacles.
I need to lose 100 pounds to reach my ideal weight. I do want this, but it's somehow become an unattainable goal that I've given up on. I want that goal to motivate me.
I'm honestly more fit that I've been for most of my life -- I've run a couple 5K's recently, ran 5 miles without stopping a few weeks ago, and spent a month this summer doing some intense hiking. I have a harder time with body weight exercises and weights, but do that some. I bike about 15 miles a week. I eat semi-healthy, but end up doing a lot of unhealthy snacking.
I have a history of overeating throughout my life, and the only time I really broke it was when I had a ton of support and motivation coming from my SO. That was when I first started really exercising and heavily dieting. I lost 60 pounds, and was at my best ever BMI. After the relationship ended, I got really sick and exercise and dieting stopped for a while, then picked up again but never as much as before. Since then, I've steadily gained weight every year and am now exactly back where I started.
I need motivation. I want to be fit and healthy and my ideal weight -- but apparently, not enough to break my bad habits. I'm on fitocracy, I've tried health month, and I have a roommate who works out a decent amount but happily snacks. It's hard to avoid snacks because they're so plentiful (free snacks in the office kind of plentiful, not something where I can just get rid of them). I've tried getting rid of all the junkfood from the house -- then I get weak at the grocery store. I think I have a carb addiction (Atkins-type diet was the only one I've successfully lost weight on), but I get a lot of pre-packaged food because of my schedule, and this is not likely to change. I have a hard time with salads -- I get nauseous when I have just a salad/veggies as a meal/snack.
Also -- I've done calorie counting, I've done Paleo, I've tried just doing portion control. I'm just sick of all the effing rules and restraints.
So how can I get enough motivation to diet, exercise, and stick to it?
I need to lose 100 pounds to reach my ideal weight. I do want this, but it's somehow become an unattainable goal that I've given up on. I want that goal to motivate me.
I'm honestly more fit that I've been for most of my life -- I've run a couple 5K's recently, ran 5 miles without stopping a few weeks ago, and spent a month this summer doing some intense hiking. I have a harder time with body weight exercises and weights, but do that some. I bike about 15 miles a week. I eat semi-healthy, but end up doing a lot of unhealthy snacking.
I have a history of overeating throughout my life, and the only time I really broke it was when I had a ton of support and motivation coming from my SO. That was when I first started really exercising and heavily dieting. I lost 60 pounds, and was at my best ever BMI. After the relationship ended, I got really sick and exercise and dieting stopped for a while, then picked up again but never as much as before. Since then, I've steadily gained weight every year and am now exactly back where I started.
I need motivation. I want to be fit and healthy and my ideal weight -- but apparently, not enough to break my bad habits. I'm on fitocracy, I've tried health month, and I have a roommate who works out a decent amount but happily snacks. It's hard to avoid snacks because they're so plentiful (free snacks in the office kind of plentiful, not something where I can just get rid of them). I've tried getting rid of all the junkfood from the house -- then I get weak at the grocery store. I think I have a carb addiction (Atkins-type diet was the only one I've successfully lost weight on), but I get a lot of pre-packaged food because of my schedule, and this is not likely to change. I have a hard time with salads -- I get nauseous when I have just a salad/veggies as a meal/snack.
Also -- I've done calorie counting, I've done Paleo, I've tried just doing portion control. I'm just sick of all the effing rules and restraints.
So how can I get enough motivation to diet, exercise, and stick to it?
I've lost a substantial amount of weight. Not quite as much as what you need to drop, but not that far, either. I know that it isn't easy.
The short answer is, no one can want it for you. You could have the longest thread in the history of AskMeFi full of great encouragement, but no one here can lose the weight for you. We can't be strong for you at the grocery store or block you from eating office snacks. I was cajoled, persuaded, and advised when I was heavy, but the fact is that you won't do it until you decide that being heavy is worse than the effort it would take to achieve and maintain your goal weight. You already know all the reasons you want to lose weight.
And, there is no getting around "rules and constraints". If you overeat, you will gain weight. Your frustration will not change reality.
While I am only a layman, I think you might want to see about treatment for potential eating disorders. You do not describe a healthy relationship with food.
Like I said, I know it's not easy. But, you have to want it for yourself. Does anyone have to motivate you to watch your favorite tv show? No, because that is its own reward. That is what losing weight has to be for you.
I sincerely hope this was motivating.
posted by Tanizaki at 3:03 PM on September 6, 2013 [7 favorites]
The short answer is, no one can want it for you. You could have the longest thread in the history of AskMeFi full of great encouragement, but no one here can lose the weight for you. We can't be strong for you at the grocery store or block you from eating office snacks. I was cajoled, persuaded, and advised when I was heavy, but the fact is that you won't do it until you decide that being heavy is worse than the effort it would take to achieve and maintain your goal weight. You already know all the reasons you want to lose weight.
And, there is no getting around "rules and constraints". If you overeat, you will gain weight. Your frustration will not change reality.
While I am only a layman, I think you might want to see about treatment for potential eating disorders. You do not describe a healthy relationship with food.
Like I said, I know it's not easy. But, you have to want it for yourself. Does anyone have to motivate you to watch your favorite tv show? No, because that is its own reward. That is what losing weight has to be for you.
I sincerely hope this was motivating.
posted by Tanizaki at 3:03 PM on September 6, 2013 [7 favorites]
Why do you want to lose weight? Pick three really strong answers that matter to you. Write them in big black letters somewhere.
Doodle a picture of how you feel on reaching a first goal (say 10 pounds). Doodle a picture of how you think you will look on reaching your final goal.
Think about your life goals, and why you have them - to give your life direction, meaning, purpose, satisfaction. How high on that list does your weight loss goal fall?
Now that you exercise a lot (wow!) it's clearly the diet that's letting you down. I find fucking rules boring too, I'm a rebel, so I need my rules to be super-easy and convenient and smart.
Here's one - phone app and enter your calories in (but not out, because it's easy to go - hey, yeah, I did that stroll at a totally brisk walk, so now I can eat a supersized cherry ripe). Aim for a reasonable goal for your height, weight, age, gender. If you don't make it today, start afresh the next day.
Here's a second option. Three meals a day: first a protein shake, second a sandwich, third protein and salad. That's it. Vary as you like. Make it smart by not having fatty cheese, or butter etc.
You will feel hungry. You may get grumpy. You may get frustrated and angry, but in my experience, after 3 consistent weeks (often only 2) of sticking to a lower calorie plan, my body readjusts and goes, oh hey, yeah, this isn't so hard.
So, don't commit for the entire 100 pounds. Commit for 3 weeks. 21 days. 63 meals. Draw a chart. Give yourself a gold star for every time you do it right. Have plenty of nice (non-food) things to distract you, music, tv, bubble baths, foot massages.
3 weeks. You can do it for 3 weeks, right? Meditate when you get hungry, and learn to accept that feeling. It's uncomfortable but it will not kill you, and you are perfectly capable of dealing with.
Buy a moleskin and keep it for just writing how you feel about weight loss, why it's important to you, solutions you come up with to deal with hunger, and temptation (even tips off the internet). Try having strong natural smells to turn to instead of food. Have low-calorie drinks available. I have mineral water and slices of lemon, and I have a 1 litre glass. By the time I've got through that, I'm not hungry anymore.
Have calorie free chewing gum for emergencies (because chewing gum all the time looks tacky - I know this as I rely on nicotine gum as an ex-smoker).
Write down how you feel about overcoming hurdles - today I saw a deep-fried mars bar and I talked myself down. I used science (that stuff aint food), and motivation (man, I'd have to run around the circumference of Australia, and that's a big place, to use up all those calories.).
The main thing is, even when you don't do all the things right on one day, you have the next day to go back to it, and the day after that, and the day after that. It's your new hobby (that you don't discuss at the work break room because people will give you a. crazy advice, and b. boast how they lost the entire body weight of a small African nation just by being virtuous).
Write it down. Keep it handy. Post your simple plans on your bathroom wall. Make an image for your phone backdrop. It's now your hobby, your health plan, your raison d'etre. Just 3 weeks, and then you can readjust.
Go!
posted by b33j at 3:03 PM on September 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
Doodle a picture of how you feel on reaching a first goal (say 10 pounds). Doodle a picture of how you think you will look on reaching your final goal.
Think about your life goals, and why you have them - to give your life direction, meaning, purpose, satisfaction. How high on that list does your weight loss goal fall?
Now that you exercise a lot (wow!) it's clearly the diet that's letting you down. I find fucking rules boring too, I'm a rebel, so I need my rules to be super-easy and convenient and smart.
Here's one - phone app and enter your calories in (but not out, because it's easy to go - hey, yeah, I did that stroll at a totally brisk walk, so now I can eat a supersized cherry ripe). Aim for a reasonable goal for your height, weight, age, gender. If you don't make it today, start afresh the next day.
Here's a second option. Three meals a day: first a protein shake, second a sandwich, third protein and salad. That's it. Vary as you like. Make it smart by not having fatty cheese, or butter etc.
You will feel hungry. You may get grumpy. You may get frustrated and angry, but in my experience, after 3 consistent weeks (often only 2) of sticking to a lower calorie plan, my body readjusts and goes, oh hey, yeah, this isn't so hard.
So, don't commit for the entire 100 pounds. Commit for 3 weeks. 21 days. 63 meals. Draw a chart. Give yourself a gold star for every time you do it right. Have plenty of nice (non-food) things to distract you, music, tv, bubble baths, foot massages.
3 weeks. You can do it for 3 weeks, right? Meditate when you get hungry, and learn to accept that feeling. It's uncomfortable but it will not kill you, and you are perfectly capable of dealing with.
Buy a moleskin and keep it for just writing how you feel about weight loss, why it's important to you, solutions you come up with to deal with hunger, and temptation (even tips off the internet). Try having strong natural smells to turn to instead of food. Have low-calorie drinks available. I have mineral water and slices of lemon, and I have a 1 litre glass. By the time I've got through that, I'm not hungry anymore.
Have calorie free chewing gum for emergencies (because chewing gum all the time looks tacky - I know this as I rely on nicotine gum as an ex-smoker).
Write down how you feel about overcoming hurdles - today I saw a deep-fried mars bar and I talked myself down. I used science (that stuff aint food), and motivation (man, I'd have to run around the circumference of Australia, and that's a big place, to use up all those calories.).
The main thing is, even when you don't do all the things right on one day, you have the next day to go back to it, and the day after that, and the day after that. It's your new hobby (that you don't discuss at the work break room because people will give you a. crazy advice, and b. boast how they lost the entire body weight of a small African nation just by being virtuous).
Write it down. Keep it handy. Post your simple plans on your bathroom wall. Make an image for your phone backdrop. It's now your hobby, your health plan, your raison d'etre. Just 3 weeks, and then you can readjust.
Go!
posted by b33j at 3:03 PM on September 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
So the medical research about this says that sustained weight loss is extremely difficult for biological, metabolic reasons. In other words, it's not just a lack of willpower or motivation or whatever: your body is going to physically fight your work to lose weight. Most people gain weight back, so there's nothing wrong with you - you are in fact normal.
There's also research that shows that when trying to make behavioral changes, it is much more effective to focus on one thing than on a whole list of things.
Fortunately, you already have some really healthy behaviors like exercising regularly. You can keep that up I bet without a lot of extra effort.
If weight loss is a goal for you (which it doesn't have to be), and you know that you already can exercise and eat fairly healthy food, but you've identified that you snack more than you want to on less healthy foods, then it seems clear that one thing you could focus on, that wouldn't feel so overwhelming, is changing your snacking.
So what if instead of saying, "I want to lose 100 pounds", which to me would feel overwhelming and impossible, you instead focus on this one thing, which is choosing healthy snacks. So you set a goal that is just, for the next six weeks, when I snack, it will only be fruits and vegetables. That's it. Don't worry about your meals which are mostly fine. Don't worry about your exercise because you're already doing that. Just set this one, achievable goal. Yes, it will be hard to not have something else at 3 pm when you're used to eating something else, but it will be more manageable because you'll know you are going to eat whatever you want for dinner, which will mostly be healthy and nutritious so it's fine to fill up then.
There is really no guaranteed "right" answer to your question. But maybe this idea could be useful.
posted by latkes at 3:13 PM on September 6, 2013 [9 favorites]
There's also research that shows that when trying to make behavioral changes, it is much more effective to focus on one thing than on a whole list of things.
Fortunately, you already have some really healthy behaviors like exercising regularly. You can keep that up I bet without a lot of extra effort.
If weight loss is a goal for you (which it doesn't have to be), and you know that you already can exercise and eat fairly healthy food, but you've identified that you snack more than you want to on less healthy foods, then it seems clear that one thing you could focus on, that wouldn't feel so overwhelming, is changing your snacking.
So what if instead of saying, "I want to lose 100 pounds", which to me would feel overwhelming and impossible, you instead focus on this one thing, which is choosing healthy snacks. So you set a goal that is just, for the next six weeks, when I snack, it will only be fruits and vegetables. That's it. Don't worry about your meals which are mostly fine. Don't worry about your exercise because you're already doing that. Just set this one, achievable goal. Yes, it will be hard to not have something else at 3 pm when you're used to eating something else, but it will be more manageable because you'll know you are going to eat whatever you want for dinner, which will mostly be healthy and nutritious so it's fine to fill up then.
There is really no guaranteed "right" answer to your question. But maybe this idea could be useful.
posted by latkes at 3:13 PM on September 6, 2013 [9 favorites]
I've lost 160+ pounds in the last two years without surgery. I've lost over 100 pounds two other times in my life. I know about motivation, not having motivation, office snacks, grocery store weakness, feeling addicted, hating rules, and the thousand other difficult things about weight loss.
Then I lost my mom and part of her early death was obesity related. What a wake up call. I had wasted years of my life worrying about being fat and I wasn't going to have many years left if I didn't fix it. I hope you don't need that kind of wake up call, but I did.
Here's my thought on motivation: it's a crutch. It's a reason to quit at the first moment we don't feel it anymore. Motivation really just means wanting to do something. We do a lot of things in life we don't want to do, but we do them because we're committed. Things like going to work, brushing our teeth, paying our bills. Are we always motivated to do those things? No. But we've made commitments to ourselves, our families, our bosses, the bank.... So be committed to yourself. Commitment means doing it whether you want to or not.
I don't believe in a one size fits all approach to weight loss. You have to find the combination that works for you. My combination was therapy, eating as much as I could while still losing including treats (the 1200 calories myth is hogwash), weighing all my food and logging it on MyFitnessPal.com and lots of walking. Yours may be different. But once you find it, commit to YOU and do it whether you want to or not because you believe you are worth taking care of.
There are many MeFi folks over at MyFitnessPal including a group (not very active, but at least you can use it to find a lot of us). You may want to check it out! There is so much great support to be had there if you load up on the friends. Good luck to you. I know it's hard, but it's worth it.
posted by cecic at 3:23 PM on September 6, 2013 [10 favorites]
Then I lost my mom and part of her early death was obesity related. What a wake up call. I had wasted years of my life worrying about being fat and I wasn't going to have many years left if I didn't fix it. I hope you don't need that kind of wake up call, but I did.
Here's my thought on motivation: it's a crutch. It's a reason to quit at the first moment we don't feel it anymore. Motivation really just means wanting to do something. We do a lot of things in life we don't want to do, but we do them because we're committed. Things like going to work, brushing our teeth, paying our bills. Are we always motivated to do those things? No. But we've made commitments to ourselves, our families, our bosses, the bank.... So be committed to yourself. Commitment means doing it whether you want to or not.
I don't believe in a one size fits all approach to weight loss. You have to find the combination that works for you. My combination was therapy, eating as much as I could while still losing including treats (the 1200 calories myth is hogwash), weighing all my food and logging it on MyFitnessPal.com and lots of walking. Yours may be different. But once you find it, commit to YOU and do it whether you want to or not because you believe you are worth taking care of.
There are many MeFi folks over at MyFitnessPal including a group (not very active, but at least you can use it to find a lot of us). You may want to check it out! There is so much great support to be had there if you load up on the friends. Good luck to you. I know it's hard, but it's worth it.
posted by cecic at 3:23 PM on September 6, 2013 [10 favorites]
We have a great MeFi team on Health Month! Come join us in October! SparkPeople is another place that is good for having accountability and a "buddy system" to cheer you on.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 3:57 PM on September 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 3:57 PM on September 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
I don't know whether this will help with your weight loss or not, but in general when I get frustrated with self-inflicted "rules" for living, it helps psychologically to change them up regularly. I've been using Beeminder to track and enforce some daily goals, mostly relating to work. E.g. get up on time every day; write first thing in the morning; do a certain number of half hour blocks of uninterrupted work (pomodoros) every day. And also some fitness ones, e.g. run three times a week; practise planks every day.
Now to some extent this works. For about three weeks. And then I get frustrated, feeling boxed in by all these daily requirements.
So what I've been doing lately instead is setting goals the night before for the following day. And I have a beeminder chart for each type of goal (fitness, work, admin, housework, daily routine), and each night when I tick off whether I achieved the goal for the day, I put a new goal in the comments section. And that becomes my goal for the next day. So while every day has a number of rules and challenges to meet, they are not necessarily the same as the day before. And if I want to, I can choose a "no goal" where I can "cheat" the following day and I still give myself a "pass" for that day. But because I have to decide on it the day before, somehow I'm less likely to just say "fuck it" because I'm bored or lazy.
So for a concrete example, yesterday my fitness goal was to go to the gym. I did that, so I gave myself a "1" (instead of a "0") on beeminder on that chart. I have to achieve 6 ones per week to stay on track. When I input that "1" last night, I put in the comments field that today I plan to go for a run. When I do that, I will enter a "1" for today. I plan to take tomorrow off exercising, so I'll put that plan in the comments field tonight, and I'll still give myself a "1" tomorrow, because I am behaving according to my intentions. I find this system much more do-able than a goal that says e.g. "work out six days a week", even though they tend to work out the same.
For your weight loss goals, you might for example choose that tomorrow you will eat veges and a protein shake for lunch. The next day your goal might be to only snack on fruit. The day after that your goal might be to stay within 1600 calories for the day. The day after that you might choose to not snack after 7pm. The day after that, you might give yourself a cheat day. You see where I am going? You don't have to obey all the rules all the time, and you can decide on a daily basis what you consider achievable for the following day. And if you hate obeying those rules the next day, you only have to stick it out for 24 hours and can decide never to set that exact same goal again.
posted by lollusc at 8:04 PM on September 6, 2013 [7 favorites]
Now to some extent this works. For about three weeks. And then I get frustrated, feeling boxed in by all these daily requirements.
So what I've been doing lately instead is setting goals the night before for the following day. And I have a beeminder chart for each type of goal (fitness, work, admin, housework, daily routine), and each night when I tick off whether I achieved the goal for the day, I put a new goal in the comments section. And that becomes my goal for the next day. So while every day has a number of rules and challenges to meet, they are not necessarily the same as the day before. And if I want to, I can choose a "no goal" where I can "cheat" the following day and I still give myself a "pass" for that day. But because I have to decide on it the day before, somehow I'm less likely to just say "fuck it" because I'm bored or lazy.
So for a concrete example, yesterday my fitness goal was to go to the gym. I did that, so I gave myself a "1" (instead of a "0") on beeminder on that chart. I have to achieve 6 ones per week to stay on track. When I input that "1" last night, I put in the comments field that today I plan to go for a run. When I do that, I will enter a "1" for today. I plan to take tomorrow off exercising, so I'll put that plan in the comments field tonight, and I'll still give myself a "1" tomorrow, because I am behaving according to my intentions. I find this system much more do-able than a goal that says e.g. "work out six days a week", even though they tend to work out the same.
For your weight loss goals, you might for example choose that tomorrow you will eat veges and a protein shake for lunch. The next day your goal might be to only snack on fruit. The day after that your goal might be to stay within 1600 calories for the day. The day after that you might choose to not snack after 7pm. The day after that, you might give yourself a cheat day. You see where I am going? You don't have to obey all the rules all the time, and you can decide on a daily basis what you consider achievable for the following day. And if you hate obeying those rules the next day, you only have to stick it out for 24 hours and can decide never to set that exact same goal again.
posted by lollusc at 8:04 PM on September 6, 2013 [7 favorites]
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posted by jander03 at 3:00 PM on September 6, 2013