What is it like to have sex for the first time? Advice?
August 4, 2013 5:21 PM Subscribe
As someone with Asperger's Syndrome and that doesn't socialize much, I know virtually nothing about relationships and sex, and I never really believed that I would experience either of those. But I have finally met someone I connect with and we both want to have sex!
A few months ago I connected online with a subscriber to my blog – I write foreign policy articles for a newspaper and post news stories from around the world – and her and I have so much in common!
We both love politics and we share political beliefs; we both want to travel the world; we both like similar music, books, and movies; she's not afraid of the tarantulas I keep in captivity; it is amazing to me how much we have in common and how well we connect. She has a Master's Degree in History and we always have such long chats on Skype!
Unfortunately we are separated by a relatively large geographic distance – she's around 2000 KM across the country, where I used to live 4 years ago. Nevertheless we chat everyday and video chat when we can on Skype, and we hope to visit each other later in 2013 when I finish the trades schooling I am doing here.
A couple weeks ago we started talking about sex. Both of us are incredibly shy and inexperienced with relationships, so neither of us really wanted to talk about it, but I was continuously beating myself up for thinking about having sex with her (I am not really comfortable with my feelings all the time). When we started talking about it, I learned she was feeling the same and doing the same to herself, beating herself up for thinking about sex with me.
Now that we have talked at length about it we have agreed that we both want to have sex with each other, and we have established some 'rules' about that, such as she wants us both to be tested for STDs before we do anything.
However, besides talking about it with her, how do I really 'prepare' to have sex with someone? I don't really know what to expect with this. If it helps to know our ages she is 26 years old and I am 22 years old.
A few months ago I connected online with a subscriber to my blog – I write foreign policy articles for a newspaper and post news stories from around the world – and her and I have so much in common!
We both love politics and we share political beliefs; we both want to travel the world; we both like similar music, books, and movies; she's not afraid of the tarantulas I keep in captivity; it is amazing to me how much we have in common and how well we connect. She has a Master's Degree in History and we always have such long chats on Skype!
Unfortunately we are separated by a relatively large geographic distance – she's around 2000 KM across the country, where I used to live 4 years ago. Nevertheless we chat everyday and video chat when we can on Skype, and we hope to visit each other later in 2013 when I finish the trades schooling I am doing here.
A couple weeks ago we started talking about sex. Both of us are incredibly shy and inexperienced with relationships, so neither of us really wanted to talk about it, but I was continuously beating myself up for thinking about having sex with her (I am not really comfortable with my feelings all the time). When we started talking about it, I learned she was feeling the same and doing the same to herself, beating herself up for thinking about sex with me.
Now that we have talked at length about it we have agreed that we both want to have sex with each other, and we have established some 'rules' about that, such as she wants us both to be tested for STDs before we do anything.
However, besides talking about it with her, how do I really 'prepare' to have sex with someone? I don't really know what to expect with this. If it helps to know our ages she is 26 years old and I am 22 years old.
I think the most important thing is not to put a ton of pressure on yourselves! If you hype it up too much in your mind, you'll just make yourselves more nervous. Accept that the first time will be a bit awkward and strange and might not last super long or get you both off. Just be happy that you're sharing this moment with a person you care about, without expecting it to blow your minds.
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:28 PM on August 4, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:28 PM on August 4, 2013 [7 favorites]
I could tell you to relax, but no one does, ha ha. The first few times are a mixed bag - which is totally normal. It's not until you have a little experience/practice do things start to get better.
This is true of everything else in life - which everyone agrees upon, yet people still think their first times are going to be magical and natural.
posted by unixrat at 5:30 PM on August 4, 2013
This is true of everything else in life - which everyone agrees upon, yet people still think their first times are going to be magical and natural.
posted by unixrat at 5:30 PM on August 4, 2013
Prepare by letting yourself be excited about it! Sex between two mutually attracted, consenting people is the sweetest thing ever. Be excited about how it will probably be super weird and probably awkward at first (like all new things) and be excited that you have someone in your life you can practice with and learn with so you can both have a satisfying, pleasurable experience. Shoot, I'm excited for you! It's one of those things that usually gets much better with time and practice so both of you should be ready to spend a lot of time exploring what feels good first before you have super excellent sex (should you decide to give it multiple "gos" so to speak).
One other thing the two of you can do together since you're both shy is practice talking about sex. I'm really cerebral and when someone talks to me about what I find attractive and sexy I love it because it opens the conversation up for so many new things to learn about one another. If she's comfortable with it, ask her what turns her on (but don't just call her up on Skype and right out the gate be like, "So what turns you on?" because that's abrupt and not cool and you need to be careful about not being too business-like about it which is something I am guilty of because I am bossy but that's another story).
And yes, discuss protection beforehand and maybe even have a small chat about boundaries but it sounds like you've got that covered. :)
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 5:39 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
One other thing the two of you can do together since you're both shy is practice talking about sex. I'm really cerebral and when someone talks to me about what I find attractive and sexy I love it because it opens the conversation up for so many new things to learn about one another. If she's comfortable with it, ask her what turns her on (but don't just call her up on Skype and right out the gate be like, "So what turns you on?" because that's abrupt and not cool and you need to be careful about not being too business-like about it which is something I am guilty of because I am bossy but that's another story).
And yes, discuss protection beforehand and maybe even have a small chat about boundaries but it sounds like you've got that covered. :)
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 5:39 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Not as good as the 100th time.
The first time is just that, the first time. Were you ever awesome at anything the very first time you tried it? Probably not, but if it was enjoyable or intriguing enough, you practiced, learned some more about it, got input from others involved in the activity, and eventually you became highly skilled.
Sex is about communication. So for advice I'd say, communicate with her and encourage her to communicate with you. Go slowly, work up to it, and remember that this is just the first time. If this is her first time as well, make sure she is sufficiently aroused and lubricated before penetration (actually, that should be applicable regardless of whether it's her first time).
Also, porn is not a realistic depiction of most sexual encounters.
posted by melissasaurus at 5:43 PM on August 4, 2013 [4 favorites]
The first time is just that, the first time. Were you ever awesome at anything the very first time you tried it? Probably not, but if it was enjoyable or intriguing enough, you practiced, learned some more about it, got input from others involved in the activity, and eventually you became highly skilled.
Sex is about communication. So for advice I'd say, communicate with her and encourage her to communicate with you. Go slowly, work up to it, and remember that this is just the first time. If this is her first time as well, make sure she is sufficiently aroused and lubricated before penetration (actually, that should be applicable regardless of whether it's her first time).
Also, porn is not a realistic depiction of most sexual encounters.
posted by melissasaurus at 5:43 PM on August 4, 2013 [4 favorites]
The first time: it's generally quick, and not all that great. The more nervous about it you are, the less likely it is to be fun. The more you hype the first time up, the more disappointing it is going to be.
What should not happen: pain.
Also, in general someone who knows how to make themself enjoy it, finds it easier to communicate how to make themself enjoy it in partnered sex. A lot of females haven't ever masturbated, or very rarely do so - it could be worth encouraging her to do so.
If you have never put a condom on before, and intend to use one, put one on yourself - and also see how the sensations differ if you want to. Fiddling with a condom box that you can't open, or putting it on the wrong way isn't sexy.
What's worth doing to 'prepare': communicate. Talk about sex. The more comfortable you are with communicating, the easier it's going to be to talk when you're actually doing things.
posted by Ashlyth at 5:53 PM on August 4, 2013
What should not happen: pain.
Also, in general someone who knows how to make themself enjoy it, finds it easier to communicate how to make themself enjoy it in partnered sex. A lot of females haven't ever masturbated, or very rarely do so - it could be worth encouraging her to do so.
If you have never put a condom on before, and intend to use one, put one on yourself - and also see how the sensations differ if you want to. Fiddling with a condom box that you can't open, or putting it on the wrong way isn't sexy.
What's worth doing to 'prepare': communicate. Talk about sex. The more comfortable you are with communicating, the easier it's going to be to talk when you're actually doing things.
posted by Ashlyth at 5:53 PM on August 4, 2013
Communication is key. Depending on the girl's sexual experience, it can hurt like hell for her. Make sure you communicate on how gentle you are being when it comes to any penetration. Then you can lessen the pain for her, or take a break and try again later. Make sure she is comfortable saying "Ouch, that hurts, let's take a break." Also depending on her experience - which from your description - seems limited it may take a couple "tries" to get sex going smoothly. Also you can be gentle enough to not make it hurt. Some lubrication may be in order too, but don't use it right away as that can mean you start off too hard for her.
Totally agreeing with other people here too, don't worry if it doesn't go exactly as planned or isn't as great the first time. That's what practice is for. I am a female, and the first few times I did have sex, I didn't think it was all that great, though it seemed great for my boyfriend. Good communication means you can also do things so you both come away from it satisfied.
Definitely talk about protection and pregnancy prevention. Planned Parenthood's website is a good resource for this, and talks about the effectiveness on using different contraceptive methods. Also look up a good video on how to use a condom if that's your plan. Also practice with a condom too before hand! That will mean less fumbling around when it comes time for sex.
For me, after I had sex I thought I would feel different (maybe my religious upbringing?) really though, I didn't feel different. I just felt that I had more life experience. Don't try to make everything go perfectly or have too much of a plan. Don't force it. Don't try any crazy moves, just let it happen.
posted by Crystalinne at 6:03 PM on August 4, 2013
Totally agreeing with other people here too, don't worry if it doesn't go exactly as planned or isn't as great the first time. That's what practice is for. I am a female, and the first few times I did have sex, I didn't think it was all that great, though it seemed great for my boyfriend. Good communication means you can also do things so you both come away from it satisfied.
Definitely talk about protection and pregnancy prevention. Planned Parenthood's website is a good resource for this, and talks about the effectiveness on using different contraceptive methods. Also look up a good video on how to use a condom if that's your plan. Also practice with a condom too before hand! That will mean less fumbling around when it comes time for sex.
For me, after I had sex I thought I would feel different (maybe my religious upbringing?) really though, I didn't feel different. I just felt that I had more life experience. Don't try to make everything go perfectly or have too much of a plan. Don't force it. Don't try any crazy moves, just let it happen.
posted by Crystalinne at 6:03 PM on August 4, 2013
This question is delightful. I love how open you are about this and ready to learn.
Like others say: be prepared for it to be awkward at first, and periodically forever after. Even after more than 25 years of having sex with a couple dozen different people I guess at this point, it is sometimes awkward for me, even with my now well-established partner.
Be prepared also with condoms, since in the moment your desire and emotions can run quickly - more quickly than your desire to have safe sex.
In terms of preparing for what it feels like, I'd actually recommend reading some of the more intellectual porn/erotica out there. It can prepare you for some of the specific physical acts worth thinking about in advance.
There are some high-quality sex info websites out there. A good start, although pitched for teens but full of accurate, realistic, sex-positive info, would be Scarleteen. Susie Bright's blog has a lot of good tidbits, but for real specifics, try her new advice book. Look at the archives of the Good Vibrations How-Tos or the Babeland sex tips.
Having said all that, sex is one of those things that you can't totally prepare for. You're starting your journey and you are going to learn your own ways at your own pace. Be brave, kind, attentive, honest, and respectful in your sexual dealings and you can't go so wrong.
Good luck and have fun!
posted by latkes at 6:04 PM on August 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
Like others say: be prepared for it to be awkward at first, and periodically forever after. Even after more than 25 years of having sex with a couple dozen different people I guess at this point, it is sometimes awkward for me, even with my now well-established partner.
Be prepared also with condoms, since in the moment your desire and emotions can run quickly - more quickly than your desire to have safe sex.
In terms of preparing for what it feels like, I'd actually recommend reading some of the more intellectual porn/erotica out there. It can prepare you for some of the specific physical acts worth thinking about in advance.
There are some high-quality sex info websites out there. A good start, although pitched for teens but full of accurate, realistic, sex-positive info, would be Scarleteen. Susie Bright's blog has a lot of good tidbits, but for real specifics, try her new advice book. Look at the archives of the Good Vibrations How-Tos or the Babeland sex tips.
Having said all that, sex is one of those things that you can't totally prepare for. You're starting your journey and you are going to learn your own ways at your own pace. Be brave, kind, attentive, honest, and respectful in your sexual dealings and you can't go so wrong.
Good luck and have fun!
posted by latkes at 6:04 PM on August 4, 2013 [3 favorites]
First, cut yourself some slack. You and she are both beating yourselves up for thinking about having sex with each other? Thinking about having sex with someone you're dating is normal and desirable (if you were writing us with the reverse issue, that might be a concern).
Acknowledge the fact that you're both inexperienced, try not to put a lot of pressure on yourselves (individually or corporately) to make it happen on a certain timeline. Enjoy the fantasies and, if possible, share them with her (and encourage her to share hers with you).
It sounds like you haven't met in person yet? If that is the case, try to give yourself overt permission to do nothing when you first meet. Despite all of your video dates (and I'm in a long-term long-distance relationship) meeting in person for the first time is a significant change. Give yourselves permission to just get to know each other in person. If something else develops, embrace it! But if the first time is more getting to know you, enjoy that as much.
Finally - this should be fun. A lot of people like to say sex is funny (and it is). But I think it should be playful, too. Play with each other. If it isn't fun, if it feels tense or difficult, take a break - try doing something else. Have fun.
posted by arnicae at 6:45 PM on August 4, 2013
Acknowledge the fact that you're both inexperienced, try not to put a lot of pressure on yourselves (individually or corporately) to make it happen on a certain timeline. Enjoy the fantasies and, if possible, share them with her (and encourage her to share hers with you).
It sounds like you haven't met in person yet? If that is the case, try to give yourself overt permission to do nothing when you first meet. Despite all of your video dates (and I'm in a long-term long-distance relationship) meeting in person for the first time is a significant change. Give yourselves permission to just get to know each other in person. If something else develops, embrace it! But if the first time is more getting to know you, enjoy that as much.
Finally - this should be fun. A lot of people like to say sex is funny (and it is). But I think it should be playful, too. Play with each other. If it isn't fun, if it feels tense or difficult, take a break - try doing something else. Have fun.
posted by arnicae at 6:45 PM on August 4, 2013
If she hasn't had sex before, start with things like mutual masturbation and oral sex. Give yourselves chances to see what you each like, while focusing on just one of you. Then when you start penetrative sex, I'd recommend she start on top, so that she's really in control of penetration, speed, and angle. That way if she's feeling discomfort or pain, she can figure out and see if changing any of those variable helps, before taking a break. It'll be easier for her to tell you what to change later on, when you've had more practice both doing and talking about sex. Good luck!
posted by Margalo Epps at 6:56 PM on August 4, 2013
posted by Margalo Epps at 6:56 PM on August 4, 2013
For the first time ever? Awkward. Painful for the woman; coming too soon for the guy.
For the first time in a particular relationship? Awkward all around. Much more fun the second time!!
posted by kestrel251 at 7:03 PM on August 4, 2013
For the first time in a particular relationship? Awkward all around. Much more fun the second time!!
posted by kestrel251 at 7:03 PM on August 4, 2013
I would suggest the two of you make plans to hang out for a long weekend or even a whole week. During that time, do things together during the day, and make out, maybe fool around a little in the evenings. Get to know each other's rhythms, and get rid of that initial weirdness just in the kissing, holding, etc. Only get around to sex on the second-to-last night together.
Don't get me wrong - it will still be weird as hell. However, the nerves will be due to the sex, not the unfamiliarity with each other. And afterwards, the rapport you've already established will make it easier to talk about things.
posted by notsnot at 7:08 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Don't get me wrong - it will still be weird as hell. However, the nerves will be due to the sex, not the unfamiliarity with each other. And afterwards, the rapport you've already established will make it easier to talk about things.
posted by notsnot at 7:08 PM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Don't Panic!
One thing I'll say is that having sex for the first time is weird. It doesn't matter your brain chemistry. So be ready for it to feel awkward, and for the specific mechanics/senses not to feel like you expected they would feel. It's totally OK to feel weird about it. Not only does everyone feel strange their very first time, but a lot of people (maybe most people?) find sex weird every time it's the first time with a new partner. So even if it's not your partner's first time, she'll probably feel the same heightened strangeness.
Since this is long distance, the advice to spend a long weekend or a week together is very good. I remember having penetrative "Penis In Vagina" sex with a guy for the first time, and then going home and thinking "wait, did we do that right? was that it? That couldn't have been it, right?" Just because it felt so weird and it wasn't anything like what you see in the movies, or even porn. It got easier and better over the course of a few tries. So if you give it plenty of time, you're less likely to come away from the experience feeling like you did something wrong.
Speaking of penetrative "Penis In Vagina" sex, I assume you both thought about this already, but yeah, you're going to want to start slow and work your way up to that. Mutual masturbation, oral, and, hell, just being naked together. It also sounds like you've not even kissed. Take it slow and spend plenty of time just enjoying each other. Don't worry too much about the Definitive Act. Especially because, like I said, when you do that, it's going to be awkward and probably not the most enjoyable thing in the world (though, as a woman, it didn't hurt, and the guy didn't come too fast -- so also keep in mind that everyone's experience is different).
posted by Sara C. at 7:56 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
One thing I'll say is that having sex for the first time is weird. It doesn't matter your brain chemistry. So be ready for it to feel awkward, and for the specific mechanics/senses not to feel like you expected they would feel. It's totally OK to feel weird about it. Not only does everyone feel strange their very first time, but a lot of people (maybe most people?) find sex weird every time it's the first time with a new partner. So even if it's not your partner's first time, she'll probably feel the same heightened strangeness.
Since this is long distance, the advice to spend a long weekend or a week together is very good. I remember having penetrative "Penis In Vagina" sex with a guy for the first time, and then going home and thinking "wait, did we do that right? was that it? That couldn't have been it, right?" Just because it felt so weird and it wasn't anything like what you see in the movies, or even porn. It got easier and better over the course of a few tries. So if you give it plenty of time, you're less likely to come away from the experience feeling like you did something wrong.
Speaking of penetrative "Penis In Vagina" sex, I assume you both thought about this already, but yeah, you're going to want to start slow and work your way up to that. Mutual masturbation, oral, and, hell, just being naked together. It also sounds like you've not even kissed. Take it slow and spend plenty of time just enjoying each other. Don't worry too much about the Definitive Act. Especially because, like I said, when you do that, it's going to be awkward and probably not the most enjoyable thing in the world (though, as a woman, it didn't hurt, and the guy didn't come too fast -- so also keep in mind that everyone's experience is different).
posted by Sara C. at 7:56 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
You might want to plan your first meeting as a First Meeting, not as a First Meeting And Sex. The first meeting in a long distance relationship is already really high pressure, and just getting used to the physical reality of this person you've known for so long via video/online will take some time. Make sure you both understand that you might not feel comfortable enough to have sex the first time you meet. Try to prepare by talking openly about sex in advance--so that when you're there, in person, you can talk comfortably about what you do and do not want to do.
posted by snorkmaiden at 8:40 PM on August 4, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by snorkmaiden at 8:40 PM on August 4, 2013 [6 favorites]
I think all the advice about working up to it is spot on. Don't meet up with an expectation that you will have sex, or a certain kind of sex. Meet up with the expectation that you're both attracted to each other and want to do sexy things with each other. This could be lots of hand-holding and hugging and kissing and that's it - or it could be getting naked and in a hot tub together and gently exploring each other - or it could be actual penetrative sex of some description - or something else. I know it seems like it can be an all-or-nothing, but there's heaps of awesome physical intimacy to enjoy with each other without the sex, or in addition to sex. I reckon if you commit to talking about what you want to do as you go, that will be better than going in with a checklist of what will be accomplished. And yes, getting more practiced with talking about sex/sexual things will help, as will practicalities like putting on a condom (she can practice on the proverbial banana if she wants to).
Congratulations and have fun!
posted by Athanassiel at 9:08 PM on August 4, 2013
Congratulations and have fun!
posted by Athanassiel at 9:08 PM on August 4, 2013
It's awkward, the physics of it is all confusing, keeping your connection and rhythm and enjoyment balanced is harder than it seems it should be, and it's brief. The first time. It gets much better as you practice.
posted by ead at 10:41 PM on August 4, 2013
posted by ead at 10:41 PM on August 4, 2013
Agree with all the above: first time for a specific person OR first time for a particular couple, its always a bit awkward. That's okay though: that's part of the getting-to-know-you fun.
Always use a condom, ALWAYS. Condoms protect both of you from pregnancy and STDs.
Speaking of STDs: you say she wants both of you tested first; it's not clear from your question if either or both of you are virgins, or just not very experienced. Testing makes sense for someone who has had sex before; but there really isn't any need for a virgin to get tested, as they haven't had the chance to encounter a SEXUALLY Transmitted Disease.
posted by easily confused at 3:32 AM on August 5, 2013
Always use a condom, ALWAYS. Condoms protect both of you from pregnancy and STDs.
Speaking of STDs: you say she wants both of you tested first; it's not clear from your question if either or both of you are virgins, or just not very experienced. Testing makes sense for someone who has had sex before; but there really isn't any need for a virgin to get tested, as they haven't had the chance to encounter a SEXUALLY Transmitted Disease.
posted by easily confused at 3:32 AM on August 5, 2013
I'm late, so I'll try not to waffle. Contrary to expectation, there are several ways in which your brain chemistry/physiology may make this experience different than a neurotypical person might expect.
(Disclaimer: childhood autistic, adult HFA, number of either-sex partners somewhere in the low 90s)
Other posters have already provided excellent advice on expectations, research, precautions, positions and the unrealistic portrayal of sex in mainstream pornography, (and present it much better than I could have).
Your levels of various neurotransmitters are likely to impact your experience of sex. If we know anything about the autistic spectrum it's that cases vary significantly in their symptoms and presentation, so your own differences in neural structure will not be identical to mine.
Levels of serotonin affect general feelings of wellbeing, their altered levels in HFA individuals mean that your emotions may not respond in the way that a neurotypical person would expect (intense feelings of connection, affection created from sexual arousal, and so forth). This can lead to an awkward/dispassionate approach to sex, even when movies/TV imply that intense romantic feeling is required.
Oxytocin's significance in HFA is hotly disputed, but you may experience a euphoric rush with unfamiliar (even frightening) feelings of affection for your partner during your first sexual activity; it is important not to mistake this for 'love', or conversely to panic if you do not feel any emotional connection at all.
Some studies indicate that testosterone levels in male high-functioning-autistics are usually close to the normal range, but mechanisms of release may be altered; I have always found that my behaviour/thoughts change rapidly when aroused/exercising, and many men have similar experiences. The increased levels of this hormone (and other similar neurotransmitters) may bring on unusual thoughts, feelings and behaviour around sexual activity and increase risk-taking; condoms are important in this regard, and taking your time.
Remain calm. Take things slowly. You do not need to impress your partner with your knowledge/abilities. If you are uncomfortable with an activity, say so directly, and ask your partner to do the same. Your impaired pickup on body language and speech inflection can be worked around; you can stop at any time. Enjoy yourself, and help your partner enjoy themselves.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 8:42 AM on August 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
(Disclaimer: childhood autistic, adult HFA, number of either-sex partners somewhere in the low 90s)
Other posters have already provided excellent advice on expectations, research, precautions, positions and the unrealistic portrayal of sex in mainstream pornography, (and present it much better than I could have).
Your levels of various neurotransmitters are likely to impact your experience of sex. If we know anything about the autistic spectrum it's that cases vary significantly in their symptoms and presentation, so your own differences in neural structure will not be identical to mine.
Levels of serotonin affect general feelings of wellbeing, their altered levels in HFA individuals mean that your emotions may not respond in the way that a neurotypical person would expect (intense feelings of connection, affection created from sexual arousal, and so forth). This can lead to an awkward/dispassionate approach to sex, even when movies/TV imply that intense romantic feeling is required.
Oxytocin's significance in HFA is hotly disputed, but you may experience a euphoric rush with unfamiliar (even frightening) feelings of affection for your partner during your first sexual activity; it is important not to mistake this for 'love', or conversely to panic if you do not feel any emotional connection at all.
Some studies indicate that testosterone levels in male high-functioning-autistics are usually close to the normal range, but mechanisms of release may be altered; I have always found that my behaviour/thoughts change rapidly when aroused/exercising, and many men have similar experiences. The increased levels of this hormone (and other similar neurotransmitters) may bring on unusual thoughts, feelings and behaviour around sexual activity and increase risk-taking; condoms are important in this regard, and taking your time.
Remain calm. Take things slowly. You do not need to impress your partner with your knowledge/abilities. If you are uncomfortable with an activity, say so directly, and ask your partner to do the same. Your impaired pickup on body language and speech inflection can be worked around; you can stop at any time. Enjoy yourself, and help your partner enjoy themselves.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 8:42 AM on August 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
Don't get too caught up expecting it to be bad either! Sometimes I think that's a little overplayed though the point that if you like each other you can always try again is an important one. If you approach physical intimacy without too many expectations and in a way you're both comfortable with you're unlikely to have an unpleasant time.
posted by atoxyl at 5:00 PM on August 6, 2013
posted by atoxyl at 5:00 PM on August 6, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by thelonius at 5:27 PM on August 4, 2013 [5 favorites]