House buying nightmare. How do do this when I have challenging dependant

June 28, 2013 7:42 AM

We need to sell hour house on contingent due to my elderly father, 2 dogs, and a toddler. Sellers don't seem to like contingency. We're passing up buyers because we have nowhere to go. Need a new plan. Suggestions?

We are in the process of selling our house and trying to buy another one. Essential buying on contingent. I know it's not the best scenario but here's why.

We have a 4 year old, 2 dogs (one being senior w/ potty issues), and my 82 year old dad who has severe CHF is living with us now. This is why we're moving--more space, less stairs, more privacy.

So we found a fabulous house. We put a bid on it. Our former realtor underestimated the other potential buyer, we didnt' have the loan 100% yet. House was bought from under us. In the mean time, 4 days after we put up our house for sale, we had a buyer--for asking price. We started to scramble to find another house, within 2 weeks we found one, the people who wanted to buy our house--dropped out. They got tired of waiting (I get it).

So this other house we found, the lady is a NIGHTMARE. She had the house up for 3 years. You would think in that time she would have a clue on where she would want to move (in state or out of state). We went there THREE times to discuss things, price negotiate, etc. She knew we are contingent but we have had a strong interest so I know it will sell relatively fast. Her---she tells us that she has no clue where she needs to go so she needed a week to figure it out. Now a week has past, her new excuse "Oh my cousin who is a lawyer said never sell to contingent people." So pissed. She could have told us this three visits ago. She's still wishy washy. My husband LOVES the house. I'm done with her and want to move on.

We just had 2 people look at our house. Both people LOVED our house and were giddy over it so I think we're ready for some buyers--great. Here's the problem....I don't have a house ready to put an offer except the one with the flake. I do NOT trust her w/ more excuses and pulling out, etc if I sell my house.

If I sell, then where the heck am I going to move with a 4 year old, 2 dogs (one being old) and an 82 year old dad w/ health issues? His house is getting fixed for selling but it's in a crime ridden neighborhood. My husband won't let our son live there (for free) with us. I proposed he moves in with our son and a neighbor and I'll move in with my dad and the dogs in his old house until we can find something (essentially breaking up the family temporarily). The problem, there are shootings 3 blocks away every day (in Chicago, Marquette Park area so if you're familiar, yes it's not good).

Foreclosed houses won't take contingents either.

So what do we do? I can't picture anyone wanting to rent to us w/ our situation and my dad won't like it at all. The only option is the risky one of having my husband and son live w/ a friend (who did offer us all to live there but I can't picture that being viable for very long; I mean our situation is a crazy mess). I don't want to stress my dad out. He can't live by himself.

Thoughts on this scenario? We're looking DAILY for a house. Husband needs to let go of the flakey seller house and just long strongly at others. He's having a hard time. I'm not finding things that are great for the money and we don't want to settle. Most of the houses we see are too high price, too high taxes, too small of a yard, or total gut jobs for the money. That's why he really wants the house with the flake. I just don't trust her if I sell my house and go to her. I think she'll come up with 9 more excuses becasue she doesn't want to move (her husband and kids however, were yelling at her in the background while on the phone to sell it to us already). She's just a friggen flake.

posted by stormpooper to Home & Garden (16 answers total)

Response by poster: As an addition, we now have the loan ready to go since June 11th, the lock in rate is only good for 45 days. Time is a ticking. We are very strong buyers (over 20% down, credit rating 800+).
posted by stormpooper at 7:43 AM on June 28, 2013

I feel like you are over complicating things. Why don't you pull your house off the market until you find a house you want to buy and have a closing date set? If you're credit is excellent and you've got enough money down, it shouldn't be a problem to put your current house on the market in the wedge of time between when you put your earnest money down and when you go to closing. Especially since you seem to have a lot of interest in your home by buyers. Worst case scenario is that you carry two mortgages for awhile. Can you not do that?
posted by TestamentToGrace at 7:51 AM on June 28, 2013 [4 favorites]

This is not my area of expertise but if you have buyers who are super-psyched about your house, can't you tell them that you'll need 90 days to move out? If I was a potential buyer for your place and loved it, I would be disappointed that I couldn't move immediately but I think part of me would be relieved to have 90 days.
posted by kat518 at 7:53 AM on June 28, 2013 [1 favorite]

I am confused. The bank offering you the loan is the one who tells you whether they will allow you to buy a house without contingency. If you have 20% to put down and high credit scores and can show enough in the bank to carry both mortgages for a certain number of months, you may be able to get a non-contingent loan. You may be able to swing it by putting the minimum down so you can show more in the bank as well...

What is the issue that specifically is forcing you to be contingent? Dependents and dogs are reasons to NOT be contingent, not the other way around.
posted by rocketpup at 7:56 AM on June 28, 2013

Do you need to sell your curent house to qualify for the mortgage on the new one? When I had this challenge back in the real estate boom I was able to secure a $35K "gift" from a relative so that I could qualify and buy the new house, and then paid back the "gift" when I closed on the sale a week after we closed on the purchase.

Obviously, not everybody has a relative with access to that kind of cash, but if you do...
posted by COD at 8:10 AM on June 28, 2013

Think about a "bridge loan" This means that you can carry two mortgages simultaneiously if you have to.

So you can offer and close on the new house, even if you haven't closed on your old house.

Discuss with your bank/mortgage broker.

Also, your rental situation is no big deal. Lots of people rent to you families like yours every day, or you can go into an apartment temporarily. Look into Executive Rentals. We did that for a couple of months between houses.

The Apartment complex we plan to move to accepts Dogs (you don't need to admit that your bowser needs Depends).

You have options, tons of them. You just don't see it.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:15 AM on June 28, 2013 [4 favorites]

Also, why isn't your REALTOR explaining all of this to you and helping you navigate this process??????
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:16 AM on June 28, 2013 [14 favorites]

Well, you're going to have to settle to some extent.

This is a pretty typical scenario, having to sell before you can buy and then you have to scramble and either decide to settle for the less-than-perfect new home or move into a short-term rental while you continue looking.

Once you take the contingency off the table, you'll be able to keep a prospective buyer (all other factors being equal). Then you just need to decide your next step.

I know I've gone through it at least 4 times: I needed to sell before I could buy and didn't qualify for a bridge loan (but if you can, you should consider that). Once I did a short term rental while I searched for the perfect house and having to pack my family up twice was not a good solution for me. After that experience I chose instead to just buy a place within several weeks. No, they were never my dream homes, but how often are they, really?

And as you mentioned, run away from the nightmare lady. Half of the transaction involves a willing seller. She is not a willing seller.
posted by kinetic at 8:25 AM on June 28, 2013

You can't buy and sell a house on contingent. Period. That's just the way it does. Why? Because there are lots of other people who will buy a house without a contingency clause. You will always lose to them.

If you have enough money, sell your current house first and rent a corporate apartment for a month or two while you look for a house to buy so you won't buy with a contingency clause.
posted by deanc at 9:00 AM on June 28, 2013 [3 favorites]

Let your real-estate agent handle the "flaky" lady. Maybe there's something that can be worked out there, fast, especially if you have likely buyers. You're paying the real estate agent to negotiate, so let the agent do that. Don't take this stress on yourself.

If it works out, great! Continue to look at other options. No reason not to have your agent working on the house your husband wants, though, just in case it does work out.
posted by amtho at 10:34 AM on June 28, 2013

A few things:

Negotiate for a long closing time on your sale or a shorter close with the option to rent back. Short close and rent is preferred since that has the cash in your hands and risk of the sale completed.

Flake lady is a dead-end. She doesn't want to sell; she wants to pretend she's selling. If you get your down payment money tied up in an offer with that woman you will regret it. She's going to be miserable about repairs, etc because she doesn't want to sell.

I suspect that you're going to need to rethink contingency. Could you rent your existing home? We sold a few months ago and I didn't look at offers with contingencies beyond the home inspection. On the house we bought we made a no-contingency offer. We wouldn't have gotten the house otherwise.

Last, would you consider a home renovation of your existing home? There may be some federal or state funding available to retrofit the home to accommodate your father's disability. (One of my in-laws received some aid, but I don't know the details.) You're life isn't always going to be this flustered. Maybe hold off on a move until things are less stressed.
posted by 26.2 at 12:16 PM on June 28, 2013

bridge loan and be done with the worry.
posted by Gungho at 12:48 PM on June 28, 2013 [1 favorite]

You need a different realtor.

That said, be willing to think outside the box for solutions.

Good luck.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:03 PM on June 28, 2013

It sounds like you have a lot of goals (many of them belonging to other people) that are all competing for your attention at once.you need to take a night away for the house, the husband, the father and your son and list all the goals on a piece of paper. Next, prioritize them. Is your husbans's love of the new house the big one? Or is it your Father's comfort? Or is it knowing your own house is sold before purchasing another so you don't risk not closing on the new house? I am not sure how old your son is but you don't seem to be putting as much emphasis on his needs as your father and husband - do not let the people who are unabashedly more vocal about their wants pressure into neglecting your son's needs.

I am not familiar with the term contingency but in my area we have something called conditional offers - basically an offer that says "we agree to buy your house at this (usually higher than normal) price but if we can't sell our own house by this date (usually a coupe of weeks, rarely a month) we can back out of the deal. Also if someone else makes an unconditional offer we either agree to buy or release the deal within 24 hours.". This is very location dependent - depending on the local market it may be common or completely out of the question. It also forces you to put a higher offer in.

But after doing your list of priorities you may decide that is not needed at all.
posted by saucysault at 5:13 PM on June 28, 2013

Does your father own his house free and clear? If so, maybe a short term mortgage could free up cash instead of bridge loan.
posted by saucysault at 5:39 PM on June 28, 2013

Yeah, the woman who's had her house on the market for three years isn't selling her house. This is a sick little hobby of hers, just walk away.
posted by 1adam12 at 7:40 PM on June 28, 2013 [1 favorite]