Inappropriate touching during surgery
June 21, 2013 4:14 PM Subscribe
I was touched inappropriately during my oral surgery today, and I would like to get some advice on what to do about it. Full details inside.
This is long, but I want to make sure I write everything down while my memory is fresh.
Today I had a fairly major oral surgery. Before the surgery I met the Doctors and other staff that would be present. It's a teaching hospital so there was the attending physician (whom I had met before), a chief resident, a nurse and a younger man that introduced himself as some type of intern. I think he is doing rotations, so I'm thinking perhaps he is a dental student.
It is hard to completely establish times, but the surgery started a bit after 9am and ended I believe around 11am. I was under anesthesia for I would guess the first hour or more. At one point I came out the anesthesia (though the novacaine was still strong and effective) while they were still doing some intensive work (teeth extractions) and made moaning sounds and moved around a bit, so they put me back under for awhile. When I woke up the next time they were onto much tamer stuff (sutures and bonding), so they did not put me back under, though I was still very numbed up. Eventually I became awake, alert and able to follow the doctor's discussions and able to obey commands like 'turn your head this way' and 'open your eyes' and 'close your eyes'.
During this time, I became aware that my legs were being rubbed. A lot. By opening my eyes I could see that the person doing this was the intern. It was definitely excessive, not just your 'you're going to be ok' quick pat or friendly rub. And he was rubbing me under the blanket they had placed over my legs, so directly on my jeans. And it was almost completely constant. His main focus was on my thighs, and he even rubbed in between my thighs -- my inner thighs -- fairly close to my crotch, though he never actually touched me there. Sometimes he would go down to my ankles and sort of tent my legs up and then rub under my thighs. I was totally alert but my mouth was pinned open and all kinds of bloody, intense work was going on in there, so I wasn't able to say anything. I did frequently make grunting sounds and move my legs around, to which the doctors would say "don't move". Every time I shook him off he came back, sometimes a bit forcefully, especially with the leg tenting and rubbing under the thigh thing. The first couple times the leg tenting happened I thought perhaps that was good for the surgery for some reason, but I didn't hear anyone request that he do this, and obviously no one requested that he rub the shit out of the under area of my thighs.
At other times he would take my hands and hold them very tight, or manipulate my fingers in between his. When I first came out of the anesthesia it felt kind of nice to have someone holding my hand (probably because I was still a bit out of it and in my mind I thought it was my boyfriend). But as I became alert I realized that the hand holding was almost as weird and uncomfortable as the leg rubbing, because it was incredibly insistent, and even when I'd pull my hand away he would fish around for it and take it back. For example, at one point I tried to pin my hand sort of underneath my leg (hard to do with the pulse monitor on my finger and IV in my arm) but he grabbed it back. At one point I intentionally let the pulse monitor come off because I hoped one of the other doctors would notice what was going on or that he would stop because he was causing the monitor to fall off. The doctors just put it back on and didn't notice what he was doing, and he went right on doing the hand holding.
I was so relieved when the surgery was all over, at this point not simply because I wanted the actual surgery done but because I wanted to stop being rubbed. From what I could tell, the intern was gone pretty much as soon as the surgery was over. My mouth was stuffed with gauze and I was left alone for a little bit, then the nurse came back, then she left to call my boyfriend to let him know it was over, then she let me know he was on his way, then she went out and brought him back. At that point she sat with us and talked over the plan for how to take care of myself for the next several days. She then asked my boyfriend to bring his car around to the front of the building so she could walk me out to it.
When I was alone with the nurse I told her -- with difficulty, since my mouth was bloody and stuffed with gauze -- about the rubbing. I said he had been rubbing me a lot - even on my inner thighs - and that I had been very uncomfortable. She looked shocked and said she was sorry and didn't really know what to say. She said she and the others didn't know that was happening because they were all focused up at my mouth. I said I wanted to make sure they knew about it because it shouldn't be happening. She said the intern is just supposed to observe and help with minor things they ask for. She said small, reassuring pats on the arm are typical, but not intensive rubbing. She said she would talk to the attending physician about it.
Now I'm wondering if there is anything else I should do. I mean, this was seriously shitty. He took advantage of the fact that I couldn't speak or move and kind of went to town, though thankfully never touched me right on my crotch. Though I'm a bit worried about what might have gone down while I was deeply under anesthesia. Potentially he was just trying to be comforting, but just reading over what I've written I can't really believe that.
I guess I'm wondering what's the best way to make sure this guy never does this again. I spoke with the nurse, but I feel like I should do more. One of my worries is that I won't be taken seriously since I had been given anesthesia. What should I do now, Metafilter? Is this a lawyer thing? I've never had one before and am very overwhelmed at the thought of hiring one. Or can I just make a complaint to the hospital and feel like they will handle it?
I would very much appreciate any help. Throwaway email: oralsurgaskme at gmail dotcom
This is long, but I want to make sure I write everything down while my memory is fresh.
Today I had a fairly major oral surgery. Before the surgery I met the Doctors and other staff that would be present. It's a teaching hospital so there was the attending physician (whom I had met before), a chief resident, a nurse and a younger man that introduced himself as some type of intern. I think he is doing rotations, so I'm thinking perhaps he is a dental student.
It is hard to completely establish times, but the surgery started a bit after 9am and ended I believe around 11am. I was under anesthesia for I would guess the first hour or more. At one point I came out the anesthesia (though the novacaine was still strong and effective) while they were still doing some intensive work (teeth extractions) and made moaning sounds and moved around a bit, so they put me back under for awhile. When I woke up the next time they were onto much tamer stuff (sutures and bonding), so they did not put me back under, though I was still very numbed up. Eventually I became awake, alert and able to follow the doctor's discussions and able to obey commands like 'turn your head this way' and 'open your eyes' and 'close your eyes'.
During this time, I became aware that my legs were being rubbed. A lot. By opening my eyes I could see that the person doing this was the intern. It was definitely excessive, not just your 'you're going to be ok' quick pat or friendly rub. And he was rubbing me under the blanket they had placed over my legs, so directly on my jeans. And it was almost completely constant. His main focus was on my thighs, and he even rubbed in between my thighs -- my inner thighs -- fairly close to my crotch, though he never actually touched me there. Sometimes he would go down to my ankles and sort of tent my legs up and then rub under my thighs. I was totally alert but my mouth was pinned open and all kinds of bloody, intense work was going on in there, so I wasn't able to say anything. I did frequently make grunting sounds and move my legs around, to which the doctors would say "don't move". Every time I shook him off he came back, sometimes a bit forcefully, especially with the leg tenting and rubbing under the thigh thing. The first couple times the leg tenting happened I thought perhaps that was good for the surgery for some reason, but I didn't hear anyone request that he do this, and obviously no one requested that he rub the shit out of the under area of my thighs.
At other times he would take my hands and hold them very tight, or manipulate my fingers in between his. When I first came out of the anesthesia it felt kind of nice to have someone holding my hand (probably because I was still a bit out of it and in my mind I thought it was my boyfriend). But as I became alert I realized that the hand holding was almost as weird and uncomfortable as the leg rubbing, because it was incredibly insistent, and even when I'd pull my hand away he would fish around for it and take it back. For example, at one point I tried to pin my hand sort of underneath my leg (hard to do with the pulse monitor on my finger and IV in my arm) but he grabbed it back. At one point I intentionally let the pulse monitor come off because I hoped one of the other doctors would notice what was going on or that he would stop because he was causing the monitor to fall off. The doctors just put it back on and didn't notice what he was doing, and he went right on doing the hand holding.
I was so relieved when the surgery was all over, at this point not simply because I wanted the actual surgery done but because I wanted to stop being rubbed. From what I could tell, the intern was gone pretty much as soon as the surgery was over. My mouth was stuffed with gauze and I was left alone for a little bit, then the nurse came back, then she left to call my boyfriend to let him know it was over, then she let me know he was on his way, then she went out and brought him back. At that point she sat with us and talked over the plan for how to take care of myself for the next several days. She then asked my boyfriend to bring his car around to the front of the building so she could walk me out to it.
When I was alone with the nurse I told her -- with difficulty, since my mouth was bloody and stuffed with gauze -- about the rubbing. I said he had been rubbing me a lot - even on my inner thighs - and that I had been very uncomfortable. She looked shocked and said she was sorry and didn't really know what to say. She said she and the others didn't know that was happening because they were all focused up at my mouth. I said I wanted to make sure they knew about it because it shouldn't be happening. She said the intern is just supposed to observe and help with minor things they ask for. She said small, reassuring pats on the arm are typical, but not intensive rubbing. She said she would talk to the attending physician about it.
Now I'm wondering if there is anything else I should do. I mean, this was seriously shitty. He took advantage of the fact that I couldn't speak or move and kind of went to town, though thankfully never touched me right on my crotch. Though I'm a bit worried about what might have gone down while I was deeply under anesthesia. Potentially he was just trying to be comforting, but just reading over what I've written I can't really believe that.
I guess I'm wondering what's the best way to make sure this guy never does this again. I spoke with the nurse, but I feel like I should do more. One of my worries is that I won't be taken seriously since I had been given anesthesia. What should I do now, Metafilter? Is this a lawyer thing? I've never had one before and am very overwhelmed at the thought of hiring one. Or can I just make a complaint to the hospital and feel like they will handle it?
I would very much appreciate any help. Throwaway email: oralsurgaskme at gmail dotcom
Is this a lawyer thing?
This is a police thing.
posted by Jairus at 4:23 PM on June 21, 2013 [100 favorites]
This is a police thing.
posted by Jairus at 4:23 PM on June 21, 2013 [100 favorites]
I would call the the dean's office, or maybe the police. He sexually assaulted you. He should not be allowed to have any more contact with patients.
I'm very sorry that happened to you and am sending good thoughts your way.
posted by coppermoss at 4:23 PM on June 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
I'm very sorry that happened to you and am sending good thoughts your way.
posted by coppermoss at 4:23 PM on June 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
This is definitely a police thing. Call them right now.
posted by incessant at 4:24 PM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by incessant at 4:24 PM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. Being assaulted while you're vulnerable and undergoing a serious medical procedure is terrible.
I'd report this to the police immediately. A predator like this should not be allowed to graduate any sort of program and then enter a profession where he can assault and abuse people who are anesthetized.
posted by quince at 4:25 PM on June 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
I'd report this to the police immediately. A predator like this should not be allowed to graduate any sort of program and then enter a profession where he can assault and abuse people who are anesthetized.
posted by quince at 4:25 PM on June 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
This happened TODAY? Definitely call them right now.
posted by tooloudinhere at 4:25 PM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by tooloudinhere at 4:25 PM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
I agree that you should report it to the authorities. It will make it very difficult for the teaching hospital to ignore it if you do that.
Also, If, god forbid, this ever happens again, it will be helpful to have a recorded incident of someone else reporting it in the past.
posted by pazazygeek at 4:29 PM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Also, If, god forbid, this ever happens again, it will be helpful to have a recorded incident of someone else reporting it in the past.
posted by pazazygeek at 4:29 PM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
In addition to what's been stated so far, i'd recommend contacting the director of the hospital. Like, call them until they answer and send something in writing.
Any complaints you make to the school this teaching hospital is hosted at/run by or to the hospital itself should either be in writing, or also sent in writing. You want a paper trail proving that they were aware about this immediately after it happened so that if they try and ignore it later you can prove they were aware of it.
I agree with at least contacting the police. I have very little legal knowledge but this sounds like something you'd contact them about. What i do know about is dealing with shitty employees at places like this directly with the school/hospital/etc.
Just try and keep as much of the correspondence in writing as possible, and try and record or at least write down "called XYZ person at 123 phone number at 6/20/13 5:12pm" and what you discussed every time. Email is fine too, email before every call and when you're on the phone go "Can you send me an email about what we just discussed?" Don't be surprised when they don't, but at least try. This is gold evidence.
Also keep in mind that they're probably 100% full of shit if they say they don't have some kind of records of who was attending that procedure. They'll know exactly who this guy was and everything he did that day. Beware of any excuses that sound like ass covering.
Also fuck, i am so sorry. This really upset me even just reading it, and it's like... text on the internet from an anonymous person. This kind of shit hurts my soul. Feel better, awesome internet poster person who is going to crucify this dudes gonads for being a waste of sperm and eggs.
posted by emptythought at 4:31 PM on June 21, 2013 [26 favorites]
Any complaints you make to the school this teaching hospital is hosted at/run by or to the hospital itself should either be in writing, or also sent in writing. You want a paper trail proving that they were aware about this immediately after it happened so that if they try and ignore it later you can prove they were aware of it.
I agree with at least contacting the police. I have very little legal knowledge but this sounds like something you'd contact them about. What i do know about is dealing with shitty employees at places like this directly with the school/hospital/etc.
Just try and keep as much of the correspondence in writing as possible, and try and record or at least write down "called XYZ person at 123 phone number at 6/20/13 5:12pm" and what you discussed every time. Email is fine too, email before every call and when you're on the phone go "Can you send me an email about what we just discussed?" Don't be surprised when they don't, but at least try. This is gold evidence.
Also keep in mind that they're probably 100% full of shit if they say they don't have some kind of records of who was attending that procedure. They'll know exactly who this guy was and everything he did that day. Beware of any excuses that sound like ass covering.
Also fuck, i am so sorry. This really upset me even just reading it, and it's like... text on the internet from an anonymous person. This kind of shit hurts my soul. Feel better, awesome internet poster person who is going to crucify this dudes gonads for being a waste of sperm and eggs.
posted by emptythought at 4:31 PM on June 21, 2013 [26 favorites]
I agree to call the police. Do you also have the contact info for the nurse you talked to for them? (name, etc). She then is basically a witness and can back up your account of events.
Did anyone else come in/out of the room that may have seen something also? I understand that you may not know this, but someone might.
In addition, I would write down all that you can remember now, while it's still fresh. (More details than what you put here if you can.) It is also helpful to have something to refer to when talking to the police, because a trauma can be overwhelming and scary when trying to recount it to a police officer.
See if an officer can come talk to you in person to take your statements since you aren't feeling well/numbed up. If you call the police department they may connect you to a 911 dispatcher so they can connect you to an on-call officer.
This was not okay, scary, and I'm so sorry it happened to you. HUGS!
posted by Crystalinne at 4:32 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Did anyone else come in/out of the room that may have seen something also? I understand that you may not know this, but someone might.
In addition, I would write down all that you can remember now, while it's still fresh. (More details than what you put here if you can.) It is also helpful to have something to refer to when talking to the police, because a trauma can be overwhelming and scary when trying to recount it to a police officer.
See if an officer can come talk to you in person to take your statements since you aren't feeling well/numbed up. If you call the police department they may connect you to a 911 dispatcher so they can connect you to an on-call officer.
This was not okay, scary, and I'm so sorry it happened to you. HUGS!
posted by Crystalinne at 4:32 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
I almost feel weird double posting, but "write everything down right now" is also AMAZING advice. The one or two times i've remembered to do that after something fucked up happened/happened to me it's been immensely helpful later at recalling as much as i can about the events, and making sure i stayed true to the exact events and wasn't manipulated in to seeming unsure or feeling unsure of myself.
Open up notepad and write everything down while you're reading this. Do it right now.
posted by emptythought at 4:34 PM on June 21, 2013 [11 favorites]
Open up notepad and write everything down while you're reading this. Do it right now.
posted by emptythought at 4:34 PM on June 21, 2013 [11 favorites]
Yes, please call the police.
Please also contact the regulatory body for dental professionals in your area. If you memail me with more specifics about your location, I will be happy to find that information for you and help you figure out how this can be reported. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
posted by windykites at 4:35 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Please also contact the regulatory body for dental professionals in your area. If you memail me with more specifics about your location, I will be happy to find that information for you and help you figure out how this can be reported. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
posted by windykites at 4:35 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Just want to note: do not call the University PD. Call your local police department. There have been multiple news stories recently about university PDs being more interested in protecting the parent institution than justice.
posted by bfranklin at 4:40 PM on June 21, 2013 [28 favorites]
posted by bfranklin at 4:40 PM on June 21, 2013 [28 favorites]
This is the sort of thing that I would normally put in a MeMail because I have no direct advice, but I feel like I have no choice but to say it here because you are anonymous.
I just want to say that I believe every word of what you wrote here. You might get some pushback (IRL, not here) from people who go, well, you WERE under sedation or well, are you SURE he wasn't really doing this or that.
I just want to say that I believe you so completely that I would quite comfortably bet my next 5 paychecks on everything you wrote being 100% accurate about what happened.
posted by cairdeas at 4:44 PM on June 21, 2013 [51 favorites]
I just want to say that I believe every word of what you wrote here. You might get some pushback (IRL, not here) from people who go, well, you WERE under sedation or well, are you SURE he wasn't really doing this or that.
I just want to say that I believe you so completely that I would quite comfortably bet my next 5 paychecks on everything you wrote being 100% accurate about what happened.
posted by cairdeas at 4:44 PM on June 21, 2013 [51 favorites]
Just reading this was so upsetting. It must have been awful to go through. I agree with both telling the school and going to the (non-campus) police. You want as many records of this event as possible, so if he graduates and moves on, or quits school and starts over elsewhere, there's as much of a paper trail as possible.
posted by pompelmo at 4:49 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by pompelmo at 4:49 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah
This is totally fucked.
Lawyer first, then police report, then complaint/warrant/arrest.
That doesn't mean the creep doesn't get out on bail, but there are going to be very many white men in expensive suits wanting to give you large amounts of money.
Save this post as part of the deposition.
posted by timsteil at 4:53 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is totally fucked.
Lawyer first, then police report, then complaint/warrant/arrest.
That doesn't mean the creep doesn't get out on bail, but there are going to be very many white men in expensive suits wanting to give you large amounts of money.
Save this post as part of the deposition.
posted by timsteil at 4:53 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, here's something I CAN give direct advice about:
and when you're on the phone go "Can you send me an email about what we just discussed?"
I was once dealing with a relatively serious situation, with a bureaucracy, and asked for a follow-up email like this after getting off the phone with someone.
She readily agreed, and sent me an email almost immediately after our phone call. But what she said in the email did not really match up to what she said on the phone and what we agreed. At the time I wrote it off as not being important, or maybe it was some kind of form email they always send in these situations, or something. Guess what, when it escalated later on, that email was literally waved in my face by someone going, "well you SAY she told you such and such on the phone, but we can see that's not at all true based on the follow-up email she sent." I learned the hard way that I should have replied to the email immediately and gone, "Sorry, but that's not what you just said on the phone 5 minutes ago at all."
posted by cairdeas at 4:53 PM on June 21, 2013 [47 favorites]
and when you're on the phone go "Can you send me an email about what we just discussed?"
I was once dealing with a relatively serious situation, with a bureaucracy, and asked for a follow-up email like this after getting off the phone with someone.
She readily agreed, and sent me an email almost immediately after our phone call. But what she said in the email did not really match up to what she said on the phone and what we agreed. At the time I wrote it off as not being important, or maybe it was some kind of form email they always send in these situations, or something. Guess what, when it escalated later on, that email was literally waved in my face by someone going, "well you SAY she told you such and such on the phone, but we can see that's not at all true based on the follow-up email she sent." I learned the hard way that I should have replied to the email immediately and gone, "Sorry, but that's not what you just said on the phone 5 minutes ago at all."
posted by cairdeas at 4:53 PM on June 21, 2013 [47 favorites]
Police report, talk to an attorney about a civil suit, and document everything. I'm sorry this happened to you.
posted by Happydaz at 4:58 PM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Happydaz at 4:58 PM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you want to make sure that this never happens again. Don't let whether this was appropriate even be a topic of conversation - go right to "what are you going to do about it". Make sure that you don't let a natural urge to be non-confrontational or to give the benefit of the doubt give this guy an out - never let them think that there is ever a question in your mind about whether this was inappropriate. Don't say "He was rubbing me in a way that seemed sexual" or "I don't think this was appropriate" because you can bet he will come back with "I just read an article about deep vein thrombosis during procedures and I was restoring her circulation..."
posted by 445supermag at 5:07 PM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by 445supermag at 5:07 PM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
Get a lawyer for sure, and call the police. The police are there to follow criminal leads and your attorney is there so sue him instead or along with the criminal charges, if any.
Make sure your attorney rides this d-bag's school, hard. He should never get to practice. Your attorney should also handle all subsequent communication with the dentist's office (through their attorney, most likely) to avoid situations like Happydaz describes.
posted by mibo at 5:09 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Make sure your attorney rides this d-bag's school, hard. He should never get to practice. Your attorney should also handle all subsequent communication with the dentist's office (through their attorney, most likely) to avoid situations like Happydaz describes.
posted by mibo at 5:09 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
I think this was probably appropriate care, and that he was rubbing you to prevent blood clots from forming which could travel to your lungs and brain.
posted by jamjam at 5:09 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jamjam at 5:09 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
I think this was probably appropriate care, and that he was rubbing you to prevent blood clots from forming which could travel to your lungs and brain.
1. If blood clots were a concern for you, it would have been discussed prior to the surgery.
2. They make special socks that help prevent blood clots and are used during and after surgery for people at risk.
3. There is no approved blood clot prevention protocol that involves inappropriate sexual touching.
posted by prefpara at 5:11 PM on June 21, 2013 [37 favorites]
1. If blood clots were a concern for you, it would have been discussed prior to the surgery.
2. They make special socks that help prevent blood clots and are used during and after surgery for people at risk.
3. There is no approved blood clot prevention protocol that involves inappropriate sexual touching.
posted by prefpara at 5:11 PM on June 21, 2013 [37 favorites]
I think this was probably appropriate care, and that he was rubbing you to prevent blood clots from forming which could travel to your lungs and brain.
OP, remember that when you asked the nurse about this, this was the answer: "She said the intern is just supposed to observe and help with minor things they ask for. She said small, reassuring pats on the arm are typical, but not intensive rubbing." Many people will probably try to minimize this but I absolutely do not think that this was part of normal or appropriate care.
posted by KathrynT at 5:11 PM on June 21, 2013 [63 favorites]
OP, remember that when you asked the nurse about this, this was the answer: "She said the intern is just supposed to observe and help with minor things they ask for. She said small, reassuring pats on the arm are typical, but not intensive rubbing." Many people will probably try to minimize this but I absolutely do not think that this was part of normal or appropriate care.
posted by KathrynT at 5:11 PM on June 21, 2013 [63 favorites]
I actually feel a little sick to my stomach after reading this. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
If you haven't already, yes, please call the police. And as mentioned up-thread, be strong in the face of any pushback you get about this.
posted by Specklet at 5:20 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you haven't already, yes, please call the police. And as mentioned up-thread, be strong in the face of any pushback you get about this.
posted by Specklet at 5:20 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
jamjam: I think this was probably appropriate care, and that he was rubbing you to prevent blood clots from forming which could travel to your lungs and brain.OP, do not for one second think that this is at all appropriate, especially given this:
and he even rubbed in between my thighs -- my inner thighs -- fairly close to my crotchNo. Just... no.
Lawyer, Police. As soon as you can. And document everything, as has been said above.
I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you.
posted by gmb at 5:22 PM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
n-thing call the police and a lawyer.
That said, I'm going to bring up a point that I know I'm going to get a lot of push-back for, but I think it has to be mentioned. I had a root canal a few years ago and I woke up during the procedure, as you mentioned. When I woke up, I was very scared as I thought that the doctor/assistants were speaking a foreign language and that I had been kidnapped. I looked around and thought I was in an different room than before. I (thought) I tried to get up and get away but it seemed like they were holding me down. Once they noticed I was awake they put me back under and when I woke up in recovery I was back to normal.
I asked about it and the doctor laughed and said that it happens occasionally. Thinking I had caused a scene, I sheepishly asked if they actually had to hold me down to keep me on the chair. He said they never even had to touch me, they just increased the anesthesia. Maybe a medical professional/oral surgeon can tell us if this kind of reaction is typical or not?
You will want to find ways to verify what happened. One person you've already talked to has already said they didn't see/notice anything; I worry for your sake that this will turn into the intern denying it and everyone else saying they saw nothing. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm not sure what would happen at that point. I don't know whether it is standard procedure to video record these kinds of procedures, especially at a teaching school, but I think these are things you need to keep in mind.
Please don't think I'm discrediting what happened to you. I wasn't there, you were, and I hope that you can get the resolution you deserve. Definitely do everything you can to verify then nail this guy to the wall.
posted by _DB_ at 5:22 PM on June 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
That said, I'm going to bring up a point that I know I'm going to get a lot of push-back for, but I think it has to be mentioned. I had a root canal a few years ago and I woke up during the procedure, as you mentioned. When I woke up, I was very scared as I thought that the doctor/assistants were speaking a foreign language and that I had been kidnapped. I looked around and thought I was in an different room than before. I (thought) I tried to get up and get away but it seemed like they were holding me down. Once they noticed I was awake they put me back under and when I woke up in recovery I was back to normal.
I asked about it and the doctor laughed and said that it happens occasionally. Thinking I had caused a scene, I sheepishly asked if they actually had to hold me down to keep me on the chair. He said they never even had to touch me, they just increased the anesthesia. Maybe a medical professional/oral surgeon can tell us if this kind of reaction is typical or not?
You will want to find ways to verify what happened. One person you've already talked to has already said they didn't see/notice anything; I worry for your sake that this will turn into the intern denying it and everyone else saying they saw nothing. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm not sure what would happen at that point. I don't know whether it is standard procedure to video record these kinds of procedures, especially at a teaching school, but I think these are things you need to keep in mind.
Please don't think I'm discrediting what happened to you. I wasn't there, you were, and I hope that you can get the resolution you deserve. Definitely do everything you can to verify then nail this guy to the wall.
posted by _DB_ at 5:22 PM on June 21, 2013 [4 favorites]
OP, I'm so sorry such a horrible thing happened, especially at a place where you were vulnerable and people were supposed to be taking care of you.
If you just had major oral surgery, are you able to talk well enough to get your story across to the police? If not, do you think you could call and give a brief overview and then have your boyfriend or someone else you trust relate the rest of the details? You could just show him the post you wrote here.
Again, I'm really sorry. Please remember to stand your ground and take care of yourself.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 5:26 PM on June 21, 2013
If you just had major oral surgery, are you able to talk well enough to get your story across to the police? If not, do you think you could call and give a brief overview and then have your boyfriend or someone else you trust relate the rest of the details? You could just show him the post you wrote here.
Again, I'm really sorry. Please remember to stand your ground and take care of yourself.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 5:26 PM on June 21, 2013
Mod note: The "was this or wasn't this appropriate" debate ends here.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 5:34 PM on June 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 5:34 PM on June 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
Take your the jeans you were wearing and put them in a large ziplock bag, maybe double bag it. While I don't know if there is evidence that can be preserved, at least if there is it would be safe. Do not turn it over to the hospital, only to the police or a third party lab.
You should also retain a lawyer immediately, and send the hospital's lawyers and department head a "preservation of evidence" letter so that any video tapes, records etc are not destroyed.
On one hand it would be horrible to falsely accuse someone based on an anesthesia induced hallucination. On the other hand stranger things have happened, and it would be great to prevent him from doing it to anyone else, and if the hospital is not doing the industry best practices to prevent this, it would be a wakeup call to them.
posted by Sophont at 5:35 PM on June 21, 2013 [11 favorites]
You should also retain a lawyer immediately, and send the hospital's lawyers and department head a "preservation of evidence" letter so that any video tapes, records etc are not destroyed.
On one hand it would be horrible to falsely accuse someone based on an anesthesia induced hallucination. On the other hand stranger things have happened, and it would be great to prevent him from doing it to anyone else, and if the hospital is not doing the industry best practices to prevent this, it would be a wakeup call to them.
posted by Sophont at 5:35 PM on June 21, 2013 [11 favorites]
I asked about it and the doctor laughed and said that it happens occasionally. Thinking I had caused a scene, I sheepishly asked if they actually had to hold me down to keep me on the chair. He said they never even had to touch me, they just increased the anesthesia. Maybe a medical professional/oral surgeon can tell us if this kind of reaction is typical or not?
First, yea, call the police, right now and make a complaint and statement, and preserve all the evidence you can.
Then to relate something, I came out early from getting my wisdom teeth removed with pretty much the same reaction as DB, and I started swinging and trying to fight the staff, at one point I remember the nurse hugging me and telling me what was going on, and then I went ohh, yeahh and calmed down. But for about 15 seconds I was going to kill the people yanking on my teeth and the staff was very quickly backing away from me. Afterwards they told me it is pretty normal and they deal with that kind of reaction all the time.
posted by bartonlong at 5:40 PM on June 21, 2013
Another vote for police first and sympathy for the OP. What a nightmare.
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:50 PM on June 21, 2013
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:50 PM on June 21, 2013
Mod note: Again, actual answers to the "what should I do" question and not contradictory narratives are what need to happen here.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 6:02 PM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 6:02 PM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Someone who would take advantage of you in that state might have trouble respecting boundaries in other situations, too. If there's some kind of record with the police or *something* then it's less likely he'll be left unchecked.
posted by amtho at 6:29 PM on June 21, 2013
posted by amtho at 6:29 PM on June 21, 2013
Mod note: From the OP:
First of all, thank you to everyone for your kind and thoughtful answers.posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:10 PM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm feeling very torn. I can't do much right now anyway - the bleeding still hasn't totally stopped and I can't really talk, much less make a phone call to the police. I felt so uncomfortable, and the rubbing definitely happened. I was out of anesthesia for a good 20-30 minutes in my estimation - what I'm describing didn't only happen in the first couple of minutes after coming to, and I can only offer my own memory of not being combative or crazy upon waking up. I do remember conversations that went on at this time, so I think that goes to proving that I was pretty with it.
Thanks for the tips about writing down a good description of what happened - I have started a document, and included in that are details of the conversations I remember hearing while this was going on.
I forgot to mention in my first post that there were also a couple times that I crossed my legs over each other (still lying flat down and stretched out, not tented) to stop the inner thigh rubbing, but he opened them up to do his thing. I'm sure you can make some argument that he had to do that for whatever reason. But if all this rubbing and manipulating of my body was above board, why didn't the nurse say what he was doing was ok? As to why he would stop before the crotch, I have no idea, but I do know that I would shake him off most vigorously the closer he got to that area.
The uncertainty over being taken seriously makes me wonder if I should just address the issue with the hospital, since they surely must have an interest in preventing their students from molesting women (or is that naive?). If I go this route, should I contact the Dean, or the head of the clinic, head of the hospital, head of the fill-in-blank, someone else, or all of the above? Emptythought's suggestion of contacting the Director sounds good, but I wonder if there should be others on the list as well.
If I do want to contact the police and/or a lawyer, which should I contact first (knowing that YANML)? I think I'm getting the impression that police first works, but I just want to be sure. Also, I don't know the name of this student. I know what his last name kind of sounded like, but I don't know spelling, or the definite pronunciation, or his first name. What exactly do I tell the police? If I give them the vague pronunciation, will they be able to go to the office and find out who it was? Do I need to find out his name from the clinic first?
One complication: the same hospital/dental school is also where I go for my orthodontics, and I go there because the rates are so much better than seeing a private doctor, which I really couldn't have afforded. So, now I'm afraid of burning bridges with the hospital/clinic in some way if I go ahead. Switching orthodontists would be insanely expensive. Is there a way to file a complaint (either through the hospital or the police) that would reduce the danger of facing a complication on the orthodontics side of things?
Thanks again, everyone.
I'll leave someone else to answer the 'police or lawyer first' question. But definitely not - not - not - the hospital first or anyone at the university teaching this person, or - just - as in 'instead of lawyer or police'.
The lawyer is on your side. The police may be on your side, or on the side of justice. The hospital is not on your side.
Which is why you don't start with the dean, the director, or anyone in the hospital. They may want to know, and they may handle it skillfully, but you take care of you first. Any that means lawyer and police.
posted by It's a Parasox at 7:27 PM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
The lawyer is on your side. The police may be on your side, or on the side of justice. The hospital is not on your side.
Which is why you don't start with the dean, the director, or anyone in the hospital. They may want to know, and they may handle it skillfully, but you take care of you first. Any that means lawyer and police.
posted by It's a Parasox at 7:27 PM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
Oh, and it is okay that you don't know the name of the student. The police - and any lawyer - don't have any expectation that someone will know the name of the person who committed a crime against them - I mean how many people know the name of the folks who burgled their home? The hospital/dental school/clinic knows which students are on a particular rotation at any particular time.
Also, you might want to call a sexual assault hotline just to walk you through this, because they will know how to answer many of your very reasonable questions - when you are able to speak again comfortably. They are also an impartial resource.
posted by It's a Parasox at 7:33 PM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
Also, you might want to call a sexual assault hotline just to walk you through this, because they will know how to answer many of your very reasonable questions - when you are able to speak again comfortably. They are also an impartial resource.
posted by It's a Parasox at 7:33 PM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
Maybe you could have someone phone the police for you. They can tell them that you were sexually assaulted but having difficulty speaking because of your oral surgery and ask the police to send an officer over to speak to you in person.
posted by spbmp at 7:39 PM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by spbmp at 7:39 PM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
The uncertainty over being taken seriously makes me wonder if I should just address the issue with the hospital, since they surely must have an interest in preventing their students from molesting women (or is that naive?).
That is naive.
It may or may not be so, but you have to proceed in situations like this under the assumption that the hospital's interest is in maintaining a positive public image. Often that means not publicly disciplining someone who does something shitty, but vehemently denying that anything shitty ever happened in the first place. See references upthread to recent similar incidents swept under the rug by prestigious universities.
posted by telegraph at 7:50 PM on June 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
That is naive.
It may or may not be so, but you have to proceed in situations like this under the assumption that the hospital's interest is in maintaining a positive public image. Often that means not publicly disciplining someone who does something shitty, but vehemently denying that anything shitty ever happened in the first place. See references upthread to recent similar incidents swept under the rug by prestigious universities.
posted by telegraph at 7:50 PM on June 21, 2013 [9 favorites]
Maybe you could have someone phone the police for you. They can tell them that you were sexually assaulted but having difficulty speaking because of your oral surgery and ask the police to send an officer over to speak to you in person.
Yes, if you can do this, do so. You may not be able to talk well over the next few days, and I wouldn't delay talking to the police. So is there someone who can help you with this?
The last time I had to dial 911, my husband had to talk for me because I was so shaken. He put it on speaker and I nodded along or explained things to him when they had questions and he reported to the lady on the phone. Having someone "translate" so to speak for you is completely fine. You could also write/type your answers to save your jaw from pain.
This is also why I suggested seeing if someone can come to your house. They may be able to take your statement by you typing answers to them in-person.
posted by Crystalinne at 7:56 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yes, if you can do this, do so. You may not be able to talk well over the next few days, and I wouldn't delay talking to the police. So is there someone who can help you with this?
The last time I had to dial 911, my husband had to talk for me because I was so shaken. He put it on speaker and I nodded along or explained things to him when they had questions and he reported to the lady on the phone. Having someone "translate" so to speak for you is completely fine. You could also write/type your answers to save your jaw from pain.
This is also why I suggested seeing if someone can come to your house. They may be able to take your statement by you typing answers to them in-person.
posted by Crystalinne at 7:56 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. call the police, or have someone call for you
2. decide what outcomes you would like to see (in addition to this person being prosecuted) and call a lawyer.
3. discuss your desired outcomes and options with the lawyer and do what the lawyer recommends
3a. which will probably include getting this post removed by the mods
4. do not communicate with anyone besides your lawyer going forward
posted by mikepop at 7:58 PM on June 21, 2013
2. decide what outcomes you would like to see (in addition to this person being prosecuted) and call a lawyer.
3. discuss your desired outcomes and options with the lawyer and do what the lawyer recommends
3a. which will probably include getting this post removed by the mods
4. do not communicate with anyone besides your lawyer going forward
posted by mikepop at 7:58 PM on June 21, 2013
I am so sorry this happened.
I'll add my voice to others saying do not contact the university, the clinic, wherever. Call the police and/or a lawyer. Universities often have labyrinthine disciplinary processes that forgo law enforcement for hearings, internal censure, and so forth. Let the police decide whether this is an issue for them, because the university may well decide it is not an issue for police. (And when I say police, I mean your local precinct. Some university police forces are actual state/city law enforcement, but many are not.)
Did you tell your boyfriend what happened when he came to pick you up? Can he call the police for you?
posted by serialcomma at 8:01 PM on June 21, 2013
I'll add my voice to others saying do not contact the university, the clinic, wherever. Call the police and/or a lawyer. Universities often have labyrinthine disciplinary processes that forgo law enforcement for hearings, internal censure, and so forth. Let the police decide whether this is an issue for them, because the university may well decide it is not an issue for police. (And when I say police, I mean your local precinct. Some university police forces are actual state/city law enforcement, but many are not.)
Did you tell your boyfriend what happened when he came to pick you up? Can he call the police for you?
posted by serialcomma at 8:01 PM on June 21, 2013
OP you can WRITE what happened to you and give the statement to the police.
Ellen James was forced to do this in the World According to Garp.
posted by brujita at 8:13 PM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
Ellen James was forced to do this in the World According to Garp.
posted by brujita at 8:13 PM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
I can't do much right now anyway - the bleeding still hasn't totally stopped and I can't really talk, much less make a phone call to the police.
Get your boyfriend to call them and read what you have written here. Do it NOW.
posted by Specklet at 8:15 PM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Get your boyfriend to call them and read what you have written here. Do it NOW.
posted by Specklet at 8:15 PM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
i am really sorry for what happened to you. it sounds awful. i definitely wouldn't call the school before contacting the police and a lawyer who deals with sexual harassment. i also think calling a sexual harassment/rape hotline would probably give you some good guidance on how to approach this. i agree that you probably don't want to wait on calling the police and i'm sure they'll take a written record. my guess is they'd be the best people to report this guy to first, but hopefully one of the lawyers around here will weigh in. don't be shy about getting help for this too if you need some counseling. do surround yourself with a lot of support to deal with this. this guy really, really needs to get kicked out of that school pronto and have this on his record so he can't abuse anyone else.
posted by wildflower at 8:27 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by wildflower at 8:27 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
You wrote a very cohesive narrative here; you can copy it for the police. In the morning, check to see if the hospital has a patient advocate. Large institutions like universities and hospitals are bad a self-investigation, but a patient advocate would know the hospital, policies, etc. It sounds like he was rubbing your legs while the attending physician was working on you, so the attending should have paid attention. I'm sorry this happened to you. Get well soon.
posted by theora55 at 9:53 PM on June 21, 2013
posted by theora55 at 9:53 PM on June 21, 2013
Police, or Rape Crisis hotline, not anyone to do with the university or hospital.
That said, I want to underscore something that was only introduced into the discussion here recently: You may have been molested by a health care provider,it has certainly happened to others, but you were also under anesthetic, and people coming out of anestetic have weird shit happen that seems absolutely real, but isn't.
Unfortunately, you can't be sure, but you can be sure that if it was really real, its bad, so, report it.
posted by Good Brain at 2:52 AM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
That said, I want to underscore something that was only introduced into the discussion here recently: You may have been molested by a health care provider,it has certainly happened to others, but you were also under anesthetic, and people coming out of anestetic have weird shit happen that seems absolutely real, but isn't.
Unfortunately, you can't be sure, but you can be sure that if it was really real, its bad, so, report it.
posted by Good Brain at 2:52 AM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Do you know have any records of the technical details of your anesthesia? When talking to a lawyer and the police it might help to already have some fluency with the exact nature of your medical incapacitation.
I also just want to echo cairdeas and say that I absolutely and totally believe you.
posted by Blasdelb at 5:12 AM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I also just want to echo cairdeas and say that I absolutely and totally believe you.
posted by Blasdelb at 5:12 AM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Wow. I've had a lot of medical and dental attention. This is bizarre. His insistence on repositioning you is beyond "inappropriate," (gosh I hate that mushy word), it is indeed abusive. It's kind of surprising to me that those savvy dental nurse types took no notice, but the fact that you told a nurse, you were in a compromised physical state and she did not IMMEDIATELY call a superior/doctor/third person in to the room is grossly negligent in my opinion. Start bearing witness, start complaining, bloody, gauzy mouth or no.
posted by thinkpiece at 6:26 AM on June 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by thinkpiece at 6:26 AM on June 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
I do remember conversations that went on at this time, so I think that goes to proving that I was pretty with it.
After I awoke from my last major dental surgery, I was completely conscious and lucid. They led me to a private waiting area and called my parents to pick me up. I read a fashion magazine while I waited, and still remember an article talking about wedge shoes being out this season and stilettos being in (they slim your calves and legs, instead of adding extra weight like wedges).
The nurse was surprised to see me reading when he came back to get me, because often people are doped up from the anesthesia. That wasn't true for me, and it wasn't true for you. Don't tolerate anyone else telling you otherwise.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
posted by horizonseeker at 6:28 AM on June 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
After I awoke from my last major dental surgery, I was completely conscious and lucid. They led me to a private waiting area and called my parents to pick me up. I read a fashion magazine while I waited, and still remember an article talking about wedge shoes being out this season and stilettos being in (they slim your calves and legs, instead of adding extra weight like wedges).
The nurse was surprised to see me reading when he came back to get me, because often people are doped up from the anesthesia. That wasn't true for me, and it wasn't true for you. Don't tolerate anyone else telling you otherwise.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
posted by horizonseeker at 6:28 AM on June 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
And when I say police, I mean your local precinct. Some university police forces are actual state/city law enforcement, but many are not.)
It's possible that if university police are a proper police force, the city police will say you have to talk to them instead. However, like someone else mentioned above, university police are not always the most impartial entities, so definitely go to the city first and only to university police if the city can't do anything.
posted by hoyland at 7:00 AM on June 22, 2013
It's possible that if university police are a proper police force, the city police will say you have to talk to them instead. However, like someone else mentioned above, university police are not always the most impartial entities, so definitely go to the city first and only to university police if the city can't do anything.
posted by hoyland at 7:00 AM on June 22, 2013
If blood flow to the extremities were an issue, they would have given you pre-op instructions that would've included no nail polish on fingers or toes, and you wouldn't have been wearing your street clothes during the procedure.
I'm sorry you experienced this and hope you get results from the advice already given.
posted by SillyShepherd at 7:16 AM on June 22, 2013
I'm sorry you experienced this and hope you get results from the advice already given.
posted by SillyShepherd at 7:16 AM on June 22, 2013
Call the police?
No, talk to a lawyer first.
You need a lawyer to advise you what will happen to you and your life should you file criminal charges - this part is rarely discussed when giving advice towards sexual allegations, and has the capacity to turn your life upside down for a long time. Making a criminal allegation against a hospital and a medical professional is no small endeavor; they are going to fight back.
Cops won't/can't advise you of this - a competent experienced attorney can and will. You need choices presented to you, so you can make an informed decision about what's best for you first.
posted by Kruger5 at 7:21 AM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
No, talk to a lawyer first.
You need a lawyer to advise you what will happen to you and your life should you file criminal charges - this part is rarely discussed when giving advice towards sexual allegations, and has the capacity to turn your life upside down for a long time. Making a criminal allegation against a hospital and a medical professional is no small endeavor; they are going to fight back.
Cops won't/can't advise you of this - a competent experienced attorney can and will. You need choices presented to you, so you can make an informed decision about what's best for you first.
posted by Kruger5 at 7:21 AM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I wanted to state that what I wrote above about my fogginess coming out of anesthesia (and I am a lightweight-the stuff works really good on me and I take a while to recover)is NOTHING like what you are describing, it was meant to be more of an example of what fogginess is like and your experience isn't like that at all, and to answer DB's question about whether or not that kind of reaction is common. It was not meant as a comment on whether or not this happened to you.
posted by bartonlong at 11:41 AM on June 22, 2013
posted by bartonlong at 11:41 AM on June 22, 2013
To make sure this never happens again, you need to call the attending physician in charge of the procedure. Only the attending physician (not the police) will know whether this particular touching was indicated by the nature of the procedure. The police obviously are not medical/dental experts. When you call the attending physician and report this to him, expect him to be outraged if this was not something he instructed as part of the procedure.
Calling the attending physician first is important because only the doctor is in a position to make sure -- NOW -- that this person no longer has access to patients.
Going to the police or a lawyer first may accomplish what you want, eventually, or maybe not. But with both police and lawyers you can be sure nothing would happen as quickly as it will if you contact the attending physician directly.
posted by Unified Theory at 9:45 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Calling the attending physician first is important because only the doctor is in a position to make sure -- NOW -- that this person no longer has access to patients.
Going to the police or a lawyer first may accomplish what you want, eventually, or maybe not. But with both police and lawyers you can be sure nothing would happen as quickly as it will if you contact the attending physician directly.
posted by Unified Theory at 9:45 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
I understand that you must feel overwhelmed thinking about what happened to you and what might happen later on should you decide to report this, but I must chime in and agree with everyone else that you should not sweep this under the rug. This is completely unacceptable. Who knows how many other people he did this to? And who he might harm in the future? I know it may be hard to think about reporting this because you feel a sense of loyalty to the hospital or organization, but think about this problem as coldly and as rationally as you can. Do not let your fear about the repercussions sway you from thinking otherwise. His behavior was completely heinous and unacceptable, especially because you were in a vulnerable position.
Contact an attorney first and get professional advice on how to proceed with this situation. As someone else mentioned, only the attorney has your best interests at heart - not the hospital, not the attending, not his colleagues, not the university. They want to save face and/or avoid the situation. I'd consult with more than one lawyer if possible to get a better idea of what you should do. I'd expect them to advise you to file charges with the police. If so, convey this information in a coherent, matter-of-fact, professional, and detailed way (e.g., names, places, dates, and times). Remember (in terms of this situation) no one else except your lawyer is your friend.
I would disagree with some who say that you should contact his attending. I suggest that you do not, because this situation is going to make him look bad because this man was under his supervision and he did not do anything about it. The attending is not your friend and it would be in his own interests to minimize this issue.
I hope everything goes alright and do take care of yourself if you have trouble coming to terms with what happened. You're strong for wanting to do something about this.
posted by satine at 1:42 AM on June 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
I understand that you must feel overwhelmed thinking about what happened to you and what might happen later on should you decide to report this, but I must chime in and agree with everyone else that you should not sweep this under the rug. This is completely unacceptable. Who knows how many other people he did this to? And who he might harm in the future? I know it may be hard to think about reporting this because you feel a sense of loyalty to the hospital or organization, but think about this problem as coldly and as rationally as you can. Do not let your fear about the repercussions sway you from thinking otherwise. His behavior was completely heinous and unacceptable, especially because you were in a vulnerable position.
Contact an attorney first and get professional advice on how to proceed with this situation. As someone else mentioned, only the attorney has your best interests at heart - not the hospital, not the attending, not his colleagues, not the university. They want to save face and/or avoid the situation. I'd consult with more than one lawyer if possible to get a better idea of what you should do. I'd expect them to advise you to file charges with the police. If so, convey this information in a coherent, matter-of-fact, professional, and detailed way (e.g., names, places, dates, and times). Remember (in terms of this situation) no one else except your lawyer is your friend.
I would disagree with some who say that you should contact his attending. I suggest that you do not, because this situation is going to make him look bad because this man was under his supervision and he did not do anything about it. The attending is not your friend and it would be in his own interests to minimize this issue.
I hope everything goes alright and do take care of yourself if you have trouble coming to terms with what happened. You're strong for wanting to do something about this.
posted by satine at 1:42 AM on June 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Get a copy of the operating room report. This might be easier to do with a lawyer.
Make sure you have written down everything you remember before you read it, save that and print it before you read it.
On an unrelated note, it sounds like you weren't under what people usually think of when they hear "anesthesia", because you were wearing jeans, and people who are under anesthesia for surgery usually have a catheter. Other people's experiences with different anesthetic drugs don't have much bearing on your experience.
posted by yohko at 10:27 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
Make sure you have written down everything you remember before you read it, save that and print it before you read it.
On an unrelated note, it sounds like you weren't under what people usually think of when they hear "anesthesia", because you were wearing jeans, and people who are under anesthesia for surgery usually have a catheter. Other people's experiences with different anesthetic drugs don't have much bearing on your experience.
posted by yohko at 10:27 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
Call the police?
No, talk to a lawyer first. You need a lawyer to advise you what will happen to you and your life should you file criminal charges - this part is rarely discussed when giving advice towards sexual allegations, and has the capacity to turn your life upside down for a long time.
Talking to the police, even filing a police report, is not the same thing as "filing criminal charges." Only prosecutors file charges, and they don't do it immediately after people report crimes. [I am a civil lawyer; not your lawyer; not even a criminal lawyer; this is not legal advice.]
I think the advice I just quoted is meant to address the particular horror often involved in cooperating with one's own rape charges. But this is a slightly different situation, and one where this disgusting predator may be rubbing on multiple women every day. Even getting an appointment with a lawyer takes time. Finding a good lawyer takes time. Finding a lawyer you can afford, that is reputable, and getting an appointment with him or her--time.
Hopefully, you have already gone to the police, but if you haven't, please know that it doesn't equal immediate rape trial. You will have the opportunity to figure out how much you want to be involved with a prosecution down the road when the time comes. And it is not mandatory.
posted by anthropomorphic at 6:49 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
No, talk to a lawyer first. You need a lawyer to advise you what will happen to you and your life should you file criminal charges - this part is rarely discussed when giving advice towards sexual allegations, and has the capacity to turn your life upside down for a long time.
Talking to the police, even filing a police report, is not the same thing as "filing criminal charges." Only prosecutors file charges, and they don't do it immediately after people report crimes. [I am a civil lawyer; not your lawyer; not even a criminal lawyer; this is not legal advice.]
I think the advice I just quoted is meant to address the particular horror often involved in cooperating with one's own rape charges. But this is a slightly different situation, and one where this disgusting predator may be rubbing on multiple women every day. Even getting an appointment with a lawyer takes time. Finding a good lawyer takes time. Finding a lawyer you can afford, that is reputable, and getting an appointment with him or her--time.
Hopefully, you have already gone to the police, but if you haven't, please know that it doesn't equal immediate rape trial. You will have the opportunity to figure out how much you want to be involved with a prosecution down the road when the time comes. And it is not mandatory.
posted by anthropomorphic at 6:49 AM on July 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
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posted by tooloudinhere at 4:23 PM on June 21, 2013 [4 favorites]