What is odd about my speaking voice, and can it be fixed?
June 8, 2013 5:13 AM Subscribe
Three times in the last week, I've had someone on the other end of the phone (think doctor's office) ask me if I'm "okay." Thinking back, I get this a lot -- someone on the phone, who can't see my facial expressions, thinks that I sound distraught. I also get asked where I'm from by people who assume that my native language is not English (I'm from the Chicago area, female, and raised by native English speakers; I'm also white, so they're presumably not asking because of my appearance.) Apparently, I have a very strange voice, and I'm starting to worry that it may be holding me back socially. Has anyone else had this problem? Is there any way I can fix it? Lessons? Exercises?
Next time it happens, ask them about it. "I'm fine, but I'm curious why you would ask as I've gotten that question before."
I've found that sometimes anxiety can be heard in my voice even when I do not realize I am anxious.
Can you record yourself speaking?
posted by bunderful at 5:26 AM on June 8, 2013
I've found that sometimes anxiety can be heard in my voice even when I do not realize I am anxious.
Can you record yourself speaking?
posted by bunderful at 5:26 AM on June 8, 2013
I also get asked where I'm from by people who assume that my native language is not English (I'm from the Chicago area, female, and raised by native English speakers; I'm also white, so they're presumably not asking because of my appearance.)
Are your parents American? Or Americans from somewhere with an accent fairly unlike Chicago's? I have the accent you get when you're raised in the Chicago suburbs by someone from Yorkshire. People commenting on my accent tend to be far from subtle (and, frankly, really obnoxious). But if the 'wrongness' of your accent is a little more stealthy, they might be less overt. Or maybe you just encounter people who feel less of a need to tell you you speak Wrong with a capital w.
That's my little rant about my accent and other people. It definitely doesn't explain people reading you as distraught, unless it's a small difference that people are picking up on and misreading. Does this sort of thing happen in different parts of the country? Or more in some places than others?
posted by hoyland at 5:49 AM on June 8, 2013
Are your parents American? Or Americans from somewhere with an accent fairly unlike Chicago's? I have the accent you get when you're raised in the Chicago suburbs by someone from Yorkshire. People commenting on my accent tend to be far from subtle (and, frankly, really obnoxious). But if the 'wrongness' of your accent is a little more stealthy, they might be less overt. Or maybe you just encounter people who feel less of a need to tell you you speak Wrong with a capital w.
That's my little rant about my accent and other people. It definitely doesn't explain people reading you as distraught, unless it's a small difference that people are picking up on and misreading. Does this sort of thing happen in different parts of the country? Or more in some places than others?
posted by hoyland at 5:49 AM on June 8, 2013
We don't have a tonal language, but we signal lots of meaning via emphasis/de-emphasis and subtle timing.
When I talk to someone on a cellular connection with high latency, I am often given the erroneous signal that they are annoyed, judgmental, uninterested just because of the extra 50 or 100 milliseconds of delay in response. We're finely calibrated for this, so IF your speech patterns incorporate things of which you are not aware, you could be sending messages you don't intend to send. Examples would be anger, distress, annoyance. And that's just from timing.
Where I come from, it's common for folks to slide up in pitch at the end of many declarative sentences, making them implied questions. Drives Yankees CRAZY, but it is kind of common in the south.
It may not so much be your voice as how you are employing it or how your tech is impacting it. Got any friends in theatre? They're trained to employ vocal techniques for effect. Find one and explain your problem.
posted by FauxScot at 5:58 AM on June 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
When I talk to someone on a cellular connection with high latency, I am often given the erroneous signal that they are annoyed, judgmental, uninterested just because of the extra 50 or 100 milliseconds of delay in response. We're finely calibrated for this, so IF your speech patterns incorporate things of which you are not aware, you could be sending messages you don't intend to send. Examples would be anger, distress, annoyance. And that's just from timing.
Where I come from, it's common for folks to slide up in pitch at the end of many declarative sentences, making them implied questions. Drives Yankees CRAZY, but it is kind of common in the south.
It may not so much be your voice as how you are employing it or how your tech is impacting it. Got any friends in theatre? They're trained to employ vocal techniques for effect. Find one and explain your problem.
posted by FauxScot at 5:58 AM on June 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
My mother has this! On the phone she sounds like she is crying. It is nerve wracking when she calls and leaves me a message to call her back because I always think something disastrous has happened! On the plus side for her I always call back and fairly promptly.
My guess is that your voice is wavering and it is probably related to how you breathe when you talk on the phone. One possible easy fix for breathing and speaking issues is to stand up and/or pace when talking on the phone.
posted by srboisvert at 6:02 AM on June 8, 2013 [4 favorites]
My guess is that your voice is wavering and it is probably related to how you breathe when you talk on the phone. One possible easy fix for breathing and speaking issues is to stand up and/or pace when talking on the phone.
posted by srboisvert at 6:02 AM on June 8, 2013 [4 favorites]
Does this happen only on the phone or also in person?
Honestly if it gives you worry I would start with a professional. All kinds of people can tell you what is different about your voice, but only specialized folks can tell you what to do about it.
Could you go and see an ENT/laryngologist? There are voice centers at many bigger universities and voice therapists for non-surgical therapies.
posted by travelwithcats at 6:04 AM on June 8, 2013
Honestly if it gives you worry I would start with a professional. All kinds of people can tell you what is different about your voice, but only specialized folks can tell you what to do about it.
Could you go and see an ENT/laryngologist? There are voice centers at many bigger universities and voice therapists for non-surgical therapies.
posted by travelwithcats at 6:04 AM on June 8, 2013
Seconding that you should consider looking for a speech therapist who works with adults. They're trained in basics of phonetics, phonology, speech anatomy, etc. such that they may be able to recognize patterns in your speech that are unusual and advise accurately on how to resolve them.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 6:06 AM on June 8, 2013
posted by Monsieur Caution at 6:06 AM on June 8, 2013
How is your breathing? If you have anything like asthma or allergies or even just a breathy way of speaking, that can make you sound over the phone as if you've just run up three flights of stairs. Even if you don't particularly feel out of breath, you might sound panicked to someone over the phone.
I'm also white, so they're presumably not asking because of my appearance
I wouldn't presume that at all. Lots of white people are from elsewhere, and look it. I was also raised in the US by native English speakers, and I'm pale and blond, but I get lots of "Where are you from" and occasionally "I like your accent." My accent is sort of a mix, but it's mostly Connecticut. (Exotic, right?) I just don't look American enough to a lot of people.
And yes, you can take voice and speech lessons. I'd look for continuing ed classes in the theatre departments of nearby universities.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 6:32 AM on June 8, 2013
I'm also white, so they're presumably not asking because of my appearance
I wouldn't presume that at all. Lots of white people are from elsewhere, and look it. I was also raised in the US by native English speakers, and I'm pale and blond, but I get lots of "Where are you from" and occasionally "I like your accent." My accent is sort of a mix, but it's mostly Connecticut. (Exotic, right?) I just don't look American enough to a lot of people.
And yes, you can take voice and speech lessons. I'd look for continuing ed classes in the theatre departments of nearby universities.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 6:32 AM on June 8, 2013
Take an acting class or two. Learn how to project your voice and make the most of its uniqueness. And then play up the uniqueness, when someone asks if you are okay, make a joke about it and say something like, "Sure, I just always sound like I swallowed a frog while struggling with a super wedgie, don't worry about it."
Also maybe have your doctor check you for mild asthma. Not enough air can make you sound not great.
posted by myselfasme at 7:08 AM on June 8, 2013
Also maybe have your doctor check you for mild asthma. Not enough air can make you sound not great.
posted by myselfasme at 7:08 AM on June 8, 2013
How is your inner ear? Were you prone to ear infections as a kid? There may just be something subtle and different with the way that you talk that has more to do with how you hear and the speech pattern you have adopted as such.
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:15 AM on June 8, 2013
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:15 AM on June 8, 2013
Do you have friends you could ask? I think you're going to get better answers from someone who's actually heard your voice than from strangers on the internet. I can think of half a dozen people I know who "talk weird" but it's all in different ways. A speech language pathologist would be able to help but might be overkill.
posted by mskyle at 7:15 AM on June 8, 2013
posted by mskyle at 7:15 AM on June 8, 2013
Take an acting class or two.
Don't just assume an acting class will teach you anything about speaking correctly though. All the acting classes I've taken, and that's a lot of acting classes, covered how to act. The voice/speech part came from voice/speech classes. Obviously there's an overlap, but be wary of someone teaching some random acting class and claiming to be trained to teach voice too. You can hurt yourself if someone teaches you this stuff wrong and you practice it wrong, especially if you do indeed have something unusual going on with your throat/mouth/breathing.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 7:39 AM on June 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
Don't just assume an acting class will teach you anything about speaking correctly though. All the acting classes I've taken, and that's a lot of acting classes, covered how to act. The voice/speech part came from voice/speech classes. Obviously there's an overlap, but be wary of someone teaching some random acting class and claiming to be trained to teach voice too. You can hurt yourself if someone teaches you this stuff wrong and you practice it wrong, especially if you do indeed have something unusual going on with your throat/mouth/breathing.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 7:39 AM on June 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
I feel for ya: I'm female, and I always (always!) get called 'sir' by anyone who doesn't know me.
Do you/have you ever had problems with adenoids/tonsils/asthma or other breathing problems, or are you a mouthbreather?
posted by easily confused at 7:42 AM on June 8, 2013
Do you/have you ever had problems with adenoids/tonsils/asthma or other breathing problems, or are you a mouthbreather?
posted by easily confused at 7:42 AM on June 8, 2013
Do you breathe into the phone? This can cause all sorts of weird reactions from listeners.
posted by gjc at 11:09 AM on June 8, 2013
posted by gjc at 11:09 AM on June 8, 2013
Response by poster: Thanks for all the suggestions. We do have a good community college in the area, so maybe I should see if they have voice classes. srboisvert is probably closest to the truth when he says that my voice is "wavering."
Do you have friends you could ask? I think you're going to get better answers from someone who's actually heard your voice than from strangers on the internet.
I asked my husband, and he said, "There's nothing wrong with your breathing, you're just socially awkward." Which is true, but I don't see how that comes into play when I'm just talking to the doctor's receptionist. (He said, "You're posting that on AskMe? They're going to tell you to get a divorce!")
posted by Ralston McTodd at 12:43 PM on June 8, 2013 [6 favorites]
Do you have friends you could ask? I think you're going to get better answers from someone who's actually heard your voice than from strangers on the internet.
I asked my husband, and he said, "There's nothing wrong with your breathing, you're just socially awkward." Which is true, but I don't see how that comes into play when I'm just talking to the doctor's receptionist. (He said, "You're posting that on AskMe? They're going to tell you to get a divorce!")
posted by Ralston McTodd at 12:43 PM on June 8, 2013 [6 favorites]
There's also private voice lessons.
Also, you should name your husband "my sweetest little cabbage", and tell him askme said to throw out that old fuzzy thing in the back of your fridge.
posted by yohko at 8:29 PM on June 8, 2013
Also, you should name your husband "my sweetest little cabbage", and tell him askme said to throw out that old fuzzy thing in the back of your fridge.
posted by yohko at 8:29 PM on June 8, 2013
Seconding the Toastmasters suggestion. BOTH my brothers did Toastmasters several years back because they had both been called out at various times for sounding, umm, weird when they spoke, and one was looking for a job and one was looking to improve in his communication-heavy job. They both loved it a lot and they both sound a lot better, at least they do when they "turn it on," which isn't always.
posted by juliagulia at 8:56 AM on June 9, 2013
posted by juliagulia at 8:56 AM on June 9, 2013
Could it be spasmodic dysphonia? Robert Kennedy Jr. has it, as does NPR talk show host Diane Rehm. Also one of my coworkers -- it does make her voice sound like she's upset sometimes. She gets that "catch" sound that people get when they're about to cry, but trying not to.
posted by mon-ma-tron at 10:44 AM on June 9, 2013
posted by mon-ma-tron at 10:44 AM on June 9, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by workerant at 5:17 AM on June 8, 2013 [1 favorite]