It's not symbolic. Really.
April 5, 2013 5:32 PM Subscribe
Help us avoid the tidal wave of bad jokes about our unique wedding venue.
We're getting married in a prison! YAY! Unfortunately, one of the downsides is the number of prison-related jokes and puns that are well-meant but get old after hearing them for the 900th time. I suggested to my fiancee that we keep a list with us at all times so we can refer to it when people start up with the jokes. I think this will a) inspire more creative jokes, b) inspire much worse jokes, and/or c) be a funny thing to do.
So! I need your very best/worst getting-married-in-a-prison jokes/puns/etc for our master list. Some examples include: asking us if we're going to ban "cell" phones at the ceremony, hiding shivs/keys/other prison-y things in the wedding cake, and asking if it's ok to wear jumpsuits in our wedding colors.
Our wedding isn't for another year so we need all the ammo we can get or else we'll go crazy.
We're getting married in a prison! YAY! Unfortunately, one of the downsides is the number of prison-related jokes and puns that are well-meant but get old after hearing them for the 900th time. I suggested to my fiancee that we keep a list with us at all times so we can refer to it when people start up with the jokes. I think this will a) inspire more creative jokes, b) inspire much worse jokes, and/or c) be a funny thing to do.
So! I need your very best/worst getting-married-in-a-prison jokes/puns/etc for our master list. Some examples include: asking us if we're going to ban "cell" phones at the ceremony, hiding shivs/keys/other prison-y things in the wedding cake, and asking if it's ok to wear jumpsuits in our wedding colors.
Our wedding isn't for another year so we need all the ammo we can get or else we'll go crazy.
Ball and chain reference comes to mind immediately.
posted by The Hyacinth Girl at 5:50 PM on April 5, 2013 [11 favorites]
posted by The Hyacinth Girl at 5:50 PM on April 5, 2013 [11 favorites]
Life sentence.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 5:59 PM on April 5, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Neely O'Hara at 5:59 PM on April 5, 2013 [5 favorites]
Conjugal visits. HEY-O
posted by roger ackroyd at 6:05 PM on April 5, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by roger ackroyd at 6:05 PM on April 5, 2013 [7 favorites]
Don't drop the bouquet.
posted by maryr at 6:07 PM on April 5, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by maryr at 6:07 PM on April 5, 2013 [6 favorites]
Time off/early release from your marriage for good behavior
Monetary gifts are for your commissary/prison account
Pat downs/strip searches by maids of honor/etc.
posted by vegartanipla at 6:17 PM on April 5, 2013
Monetary gifts are for your commissary/prison account
Pat downs/strip searches by maids of honor/etc.
posted by vegartanipla at 6:17 PM on April 5, 2013
How's the warden treatin' ya?
visitations from friends after you're in prison/marriage
escape plots
posted by runningwithscissors at 6:36 PM on April 5, 2013
visitations from friends after you're in prison/marriage
escape plots
posted by runningwithscissors at 6:36 PM on April 5, 2013
Honeymoon in Zihuatanejo? And other Shawshank jokes....
posted by nkknkk at 6:43 PM on April 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by nkknkk at 6:43 PM on April 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Will there be an open "bar?"
Your fiancée can refer to her engagement ring as "Alcatraz."
Because it's The ROCK!
posted by mon-ma-tron at 6:47 PM on April 5, 2013 [5 favorites]
Your fiancée can refer to her engagement ring as "Alcatraz."
Because it's The ROCK!
posted by mon-ma-tron at 6:47 PM on April 5, 2013 [5 favorites]
I agree with aetg -- the best way to head off the annoying jokes is to be in on it.
Groom's cake (if you swing that way) is a ball & chain.
Save The Date cards feature photos of both of you in black and white striped tops.
If the guests are movie buffs, make Thank You cards with the pinup girl posters in The Shawshank Redemption.
Throw a selection of prison-reminiscent songs on the playlist, like Pam Grier's "Long Time Woman".
If you're serving a custom cocktail or two, give them prison names. "The Slammer", "Tipsy Warden", "Cool Hand Luke", etc.
Bonus points if your invitations refer to the location of the wedding as "[x] State Pen", as opposed to whatever fancy name the venue is presumably going by now.
If anyone wanted to hire me to design theme weddings, I WOULD SO DO IT.
posted by Sara C. at 6:56 PM on April 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
Groom's cake (if you swing that way) is a ball & chain.
Save The Date cards feature photos of both of you in black and white striped tops.
If the guests are movie buffs, make Thank You cards with the pinup girl posters in The Shawshank Redemption.
Throw a selection of prison-reminiscent songs on the playlist, like Pam Grier's "Long Time Woman".
If you're serving a custom cocktail or two, give them prison names. "The Slammer", "Tipsy Warden", "Cool Hand Luke", etc.
Bonus points if your invitations refer to the location of the wedding as "[x] State Pen", as opposed to whatever fancy name the venue is presumably going by now.
If anyone wanted to hire me to design theme weddings, I WOULD SO DO IT.
posted by Sara C. at 6:56 PM on April 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
If you have anyone bilingual invited to the wedding, I would utilize the fact that "handcuffs" in Spanish is "las esposas" - the wife (technically means "the wives", but only because handcuffS is plural).
posted by chainsofreedom at 7:05 PM on April 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by chainsofreedom at 7:05 PM on April 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Great suggestions so far! The wedding/reception will not have any prison elements or themes but we do plan on incorporating some elements of the venue into our Save The Dates.
posted by Diskeater at 7:22 PM on April 5, 2013
posted by Diskeater at 7:22 PM on April 5, 2013
A friend said to us, knowing that this was a second marriage for each, "Isn't that kind of like breaking back into jail?!"
posted by peagood at 7:29 PM on April 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by peagood at 7:29 PM on April 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
What? No, you don't get to do this. You chose the venue, you take the hit with grace. Put jokes on the invites and stuff all you want, but you chose to have your wedding there and I think it would be rude to short-circuit or manipulate peoples' reactions. It's like you want to simultaneously deny the symbolism of the venue itself while also making it a game. I think it'll come off insufferable, sorry!
One way I do think something like this could work was if you just noted what people said or suggested/joked about, then took a bunch of them and incorporated them into the wedding itself as a surprise, where you get to take all of that boring hackneyed repetition you grinned and bore and turn it into an in-joke!
posted by rhizome at 7:51 PM on April 5, 2013 [14 favorites]
One way I do think something like this could work was if you just noted what people said or suggested/joked about, then took a bunch of them and incorporated them into the wedding itself as a surprise, where you get to take all of that boring hackneyed repetition you grinned and bore and turn it into an in-joke!
posted by rhizome at 7:51 PM on April 5, 2013 [14 favorites]
Um, I'm dying to know what prison and more about the situation.
posted by radioamy at 8:04 PM on April 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by radioamy at 8:04 PM on April 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
I want to know the story behind this very, very badly before I supply any jokes.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:10 PM on April 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:10 PM on April 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
Look on the bright side - most sentences aren't for life.
posted by Tanizaki at 8:38 PM on April 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Tanizaki at 8:38 PM on April 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: A bit of background - We are getting married at Eastern State Penitentiary. We are very aware of what we got ourselves into and we take all of the ribbing with a smile. The idea of a “master list” came after a dinner with my family and we heard the “cell” phone joke for the sixth time. I don’t think I’d actually use such a list to shut anyone up. I’ll probably use it as a challenge to my dad to come up with even more puns.
Trust me, I will only use this list for good. Unless using it for evil would be funnier. Then I will use it for evil.
posted by Diskeater at 8:50 PM on April 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
Trust me, I will only use this list for good. Unless using it for evil would be funnier. Then I will use it for evil.
posted by Diskeater at 8:50 PM on April 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
Okay, so I haven't been inspired with jokes, but I think if you can find a copy of "Dad, I'm In Jail" by Was (not Was), play it at the wedding reception...
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:46 PM on April 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:46 PM on April 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Mod note: A couple of comments deleted. Reminder: the OP's request is for "your very best/worst getting-married-in-a-prison jokes/puns," not opinions on the venue, whether they should collect jokes, etc. Please respond to the question asked. Thanks.
posted by taz (staff) at 10:40 PM on April 5, 2013
posted by taz (staff) at 10:40 PM on April 5, 2013
Eastern State!! That is so awesome, who would make jokes about it? But I agree that "ball and chain" is the most obvious way to go.
posted by orrnyereg at 12:00 AM on April 6, 2013
posted by orrnyereg at 12:00 AM on April 6, 2013
Even though we weren't married at a prison (and what a gorgeous venue!), for some reason, on each anniversary, someone (either my husband or my father-in-law) always says:
"___ years! You don't get that for murder!"
So perhaps a life sentence joke or two?
posted by Katemonkey at 4:20 AM on April 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
"___ years! You don't get that for murder!"
So perhaps a life sentence joke or two?
posted by Katemonkey at 4:20 AM on April 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
Compile a list of all the jokes and puns you've already heard and assign a number to each one. Tell all that for every joke (or variation) you've heard before, they have to put £1 into a joke pot. The joke pot goes to the person who makes a pun or joker you haven't already heard.
At least that way it becomes an amusing game as your friends try to be more inventive...
posted by almostwitty at 5:44 AM on April 6, 2013
At least that way it becomes an amusing game as your friends try to be more inventive...
posted by almostwitty at 5:44 AM on April 6, 2013
I think you've got a lock on it.
posted by sammyo at 6:04 AM on April 6, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by sammyo at 6:04 AM on April 6, 2013 [2 favorites]
Whatever you do, please avoid prison rape jokes like "don't drop the ___". We're used to them so we think they're funny, but they're actually disturbing and should probably go away.
posted by walla at 8:38 AM on April 6, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by walla at 8:38 AM on April 6, 2013 [7 favorites]
Compile a list of all the jokes and puns you've already heard and assign a number to each one. Tell all that for every joke (or variation) you've heard before, they have to put £1 into a joke pot. The joke pot goes to the person who makes a pun or joker you haven't already heard.
BINGO GAME!!!!! You should do a bingo game of the jokes as well!
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:57 AM on April 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
BINGO GAME!!!!! You should do a bingo game of the jokes as well!
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:57 AM on April 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
your first dance will be Jail house rock
posted by rmless at 10:30 AM on April 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by rmless at 10:30 AM on April 6, 2013 [3 favorites]
Saw in Wedding cake. (this could be a pastry chef's great creation)
(fake) handcuffs instead of (or in addition to) the wedding band.
posted by mule98J at 11:18 AM on April 6, 2013 [1 favorite]
(fake) handcuffs instead of (or in addition to) the wedding band.
posted by mule98J at 11:18 AM on April 6, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't know if this factors into your wedding, but also keep in mind that Eastern State Penitentiary has both Darwin and Quaker connections, so you can figure that a joke that references your wedding in relation to evolution and religion might win the grand prize. That Eastern State was where they discovered that solitary confinement invariably causes insanity has marriage overtones as well!
posted by rhizome at 11:36 AM on April 6, 2013
posted by rhizome at 11:36 AM on April 6, 2013
Help us avoid the tidal wave of bad jokes about our unique wedding venue. You can ask the parents and the bridal party to help by carrying copies of The List. The Best Man usually makes a toast, and could work in references to #7 on the Master Joke List, etc. Or if you are sick & tired of it, you can ask them to suggest a limit on the jokes. Also, while there are lots of bad jokes to be made, there's also the possibility of Prisoner of Love, and some googling of combinations of love, criminal, heart, prisoner, prison, etc. finds much more.
posted by theora55 at 6:48 PM on April 6, 2013
posted by theora55 at 6:48 PM on April 6, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by aetg at 5:40 PM on April 5, 2013