Tell me about your peeves

March 15, 2013 10:45 AM

I'm putting together a pitch for a little fictional series-thingy. I need minor "crimes" that occur in public spaces and are not actually against the law, per se, but should be... wrongs that can be avenged in a super-heroic fashion; the pettier the better.

Examples:

- doing all your banking at the ATM on a Friday afternoon with 25 people lined up behind you.
- loud cell-phone talking in a restaurant/elevator
- 23 items in the express checkout lane

Whatcha got, Metafilter?

posted by lizifer to Grab Bag (240 answers total)

Doing scratch-off lottery tickets at the counter.

Sitting right next to someone on the bus even though there's an open seat not next to someone.

Not deciding what you want before coming up to order at the fast food place.

Arguing about expired coupons.
posted by griphus at 10:48 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

escalators- people not standing to the right and walking on the left!
posted by raccoon409 at 10:49 AM on March 15, 2013 [14 favorites]

Throwing used gum on the sidewalk.
posted by averageamateur at 10:49 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Queue jumping
Burning popcorn in shared microwaves
Walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 10:49 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Sitting with a wide stance on a crowded bus or train.

No one offering their seat to the person with an obvious mobility disability on a crowded bus or train.

Eating sunflower seeds (and spitting out the shells on the floor) on a crowded bus or train.

Clipping your fingernails on a crowded bus or train. (Or anywhere in public, jesus.)

Listening to music on your phone without headphones on a crowded bus or train.

Piling onto a crowded bus or train without letting people exit first.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, WHY DO YOU ASK.
posted by phunniemee at 10:50 AM on March 15, 2013 [22 favorites]

Burning popcorn in shared microwaves

Microwaving any sort of fish leftovers at work.
posted by phunniemee at 10:50 AM on March 15, 2013 [12 favorites]

Coming to a complete stop on a busy sidewalk.

Walking into a train without letting people get out first.

Having a conversation on public transportation stairs.
posted by griphus at 10:51 AM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

Standing instead of walking on the left side of the escalator. (On preview, this one is so irritating that someone beat me to it!)

Sitting on the outer/aisle seat on public transit next to an empty window seat forcing people to climb over you. Putting your bag on the seat next to you. Not moving to the back or middle of the bus/train so that everyone is crowded around the doors while your oblivious ass blocks the way to an empty section.
posted by sunset in snow country at 10:51 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

I've got a little list.
posted by Longtime Listener at 10:51 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Spitting on the sidewalk or in the street.
Smoking in bus shelters.
Waiting for the bus to stop before getting up and wandering to exit at the front door, so everyone can wait a little longer.

I also ride public transit....
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:51 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Sitting in the outer aisle seat on a crowded bus, and making another passenger climb over you to get to the empty seat.

Which I will do, with impunity. Because EMPTY SEAT.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:52 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

Choosing the bathroom (or changing room stall) right next to someone else in a large, basically empty public restroom.
posted by hegemone at 10:52 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

The legality/illegality of this will depend on your jurisdiction but: riding a bicycle on the sidewalk.
posted by griphus at 10:53 AM on March 15, 2013 [7 favorites]

Not using your turn signals while driving.
posted by scody at 10:53 AM on March 15, 2013 [21 favorites]

Trying to start a conversation with me when I am reading a book or have head phones on.

Throwing trash on the ground (especially when there is a trashcan in sight).
posted by HMSSM at 10:53 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Using those awful little disposable floss toothpick things in public and then dropping them on the sidewalk.
posted by gyusan at 10:53 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Oh my god, people who stop DEAD in the middle of the sidewalk or top of the subway stairs to check their map, causing everyone behind them to pile up. Move to the side! Why is this so hard to understand! I hate people.
posted by silverstatue at 10:53 AM on March 15, 2013 [21 favorites]

Cataloging pet peeves to anyone who will listen. "Oh, and you know another thing that I hate?…" No, and I don't care to.
posted by Nomyte at 10:54 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot.
posted by primethyme at 10:54 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Criticizing or offering "suggestions" to pregnant women or parents. Touching pregnant women or children without asking.
posted by HMSSM at 10:55 AM on March 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

There are parking spaces marked "hybrid vehicles only" at a mall near me. I watched someone in a non-hybrid SUV take the last one on a crowded saturday -- with his one kid in the car next to him.

Soooo much littering. Especially from certain you-know-whaters.
posted by amtho at 10:55 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh - and this may count as illegal - doing the 'I need to find my fare/transfer' dance on the bus when entering for a few minutes, hoping the bus driver will lose patience and just wave you on. Either get out your fare beforehand, or just fess up and admit that you don't have it.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:55 AM on March 15, 2013

Couples who sit on the same side of a booth/table.
Striking up conversation at the urinals.
posted by Tanizaki at 10:56 AM on March 15, 2013

Coming to a complete stop on a busy sidewalk.

Coming to a complete stop at the foot of an escalator.
Coming to a complete stop after walking through a door/entrance/exit of the mall/bank/train station/etc. Just stopping to 'take in' the new setting like you've forgotten what you're looking for.

Coming around a blind corner without checking or leaving space to avoid anyone who might be approaching from the other side.
posted by ceribus peribus at 10:56 AM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

Going up the stairs when there is an empty escalator and a huge line up of people trying to go down the stairs next to it.

Leaning against the pole on crowded subway trains (its not there to hold you up!).
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 10:56 AM on March 15, 2013

Throwing your plastic bottles or your soda cans in the regular garbage, especially when the can for recycling is RIGHT NEXT to the garbage.

Parking a car in such a way that it takes up two parking spaces. (I suppose this may really be against some parking code somewhere, but I've never seen it enforced where I live.)

Here's one that may be a little out there, but bugs me to no end: In a school setting, when waiting to get into a classroom, students will either a) mill about in the hallway in a large clot, preventing anyone else from walking by, or b) sit on the floor, leaning against the wall with their legs sticking straight out in front of them, making me step over a series of legs.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 10:57 AM on March 15, 2013

When going through a security checkpoint, not getting your things in order until you're at the gate, or not getting your Metro card out until you're standing in front of the turnstile, or not getting your credit card out until the cashier has already rung up your order, etc., etc., etfc.

When entering a store, stopping as soon as you get through the door, apparently surprised that you're now in a store.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:57 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

TALKING REALLY LOUDLY ON THE CELLPHONE YEAH I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE DOCTOR IT TURNS OUT THAT RASH ON MY SCROTUM IS PROBABLY JUST A...

Seriously. I don't want to know.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 10:58 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

People who stop paying attention at red lights, causing them to miss when the light turns green.
posted by smoq at 10:58 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

Letting your dog run off-leash at the park (obvs a park with leash requirements) and thinking rover is just so cute when he runs around, knocks over small children, jumps on strangers, and eats some of my picnic food (grr!) when my back is turned.
posted by vivid postcard at 10:59 AM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Response by poster: Wow, you guys are SO PEEVED. I LOVE IT. Keep 'em coming. Any peeves you'd really love to see some deus ex machina intervention for/of/to?
posted by lizifer at 10:59 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Complete strangers on the bus who share with you all their family drama, and then deciding that we're now best buddies, share with you their secret racist thoughts.

Cue me just shutting her down right then and there. No, I really don't want to hear your repulsive thoughts on immigration, thanks. Now get the hell away from me.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:01 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Taking the time to pick up your dog shit into a plastic bag, but not bothering to toss the bag into a garbage can. Instead, whip the bag on to the street.

Getting off at the top of the escalator and standing there, unaware of the multitudes of people about to unload practically right on top of you.

Sitting at your desk, co-worker comes up to you and says "did you get my email that i just sent?"
posted by caroo at 11:02 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Waiting until the last minute to change lanes. Especially when the lane you're in doesn't go the way you need to go.

I'm looking at you downtown asshats who can't figure out that the right lane becomes a turn lane and you either cut me off getting over or just go straight anyway.
posted by theichibun at 11:04 AM on March 15, 2013

Screwing up a beautiful four-way stop system. Don't wave me through! It's not nice! YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY!!!!!
posted by hannahelastic at 11:06 AM on March 15, 2013 [30 favorites]

The "polite" driver at a 4-way stop who waves everyone else through, unaware of the 17 cars lining up behind him.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:06 AM on March 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

Letting your toddlers scream earsplittingly over and over without even attempting to shush them in a restaurant.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:06 AM on March 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

OH GOD PEEVE JINX.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:07 AM on March 15, 2013 [11 favorites]

People who don't read the entire question before responding (goes and sobs in a corner).
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:07 AM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

People who form a mob at a counter instead of organizing into a queue. Similar when waiting for a bus, subway, or elevator.

Wow, did you ever pick the right website for this question
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:07 AM on March 15, 2013

Talking in the movie theater, kicking the back of my seat, or the giant 6'5" tall guy who sat down in front of me when the entire theater was empty, causing me to change seats and ruining the perfect trifecta of seating location.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 11:07 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Any noise associated with eating. Slurping, chomping, smacking, and -- oh holy mother of god, help me not kill you -- banging your fork on your teeth with every bite.

People who walk three or four across so they can all chat, thereby forcing me to step into the street or fall into a doorway when you pass me.
posted by _Mona_ at 11:08 AM on March 15, 2013 [15 favorites]

People who speed up to block me when I put my blinker on when driving.
posted by HMSSM at 11:09 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Clipping fingernails on public transportation. ugh.
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 11:09 AM on March 15, 2013

People who take up all the seats in a coffee shop to sit on their computer all day when people like me actually want to sit and drink coffee/eat a slice of cake for like 20 minutes. It drives me insane. DO YOUR WORK AT HOME OR IN A LIBRARY.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:09 AM on March 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

People who get upset that freelancers work in cafes. Eat your cake at home.
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 11:11 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

Oh, and this is topical - people on FB who, upon hearing who the new Pope was, freak the hell out and post a bunch of anti-Catholic screeds. And then complain when I comment that this is possibly offensive to me, BECAUSE I'M CATHOLIC, YOU NUMBSKULLS. I don't agree with everything the Church does, and I wish we had a more liberal Pope, but I'm not abandoning Roman Catholicism as a whole.

New Pope Day quickly became No Facebook Day for me.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:11 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People who form a queue at a subway or elevator when the doorway is wide enough for 2 or 3 (or more) to enter at once.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:12 AM on March 15, 2013

Driving just slow enough through an intersection such that they can make it through the yellow light, but I cannot.
posted by hellojed at 11:12 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Freelancers who think cafes are their offices and not, you know, cafes.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:12 AM on March 15, 2013 [10 favorites]

LOUD MOTORCYCLES. Why are these people allowed to damage my hearing, wake the baby, frighten the little dogs? Why do we tolerate this?

Spitting. Anywhere. Men who spit, you are disgusting.

Wearing perfume to the pool. Like I want to swim in a wake of your stinky perfume. Or make that wearing perfume anywhere. Why should I have to smell you?

Ladies who hover over the toilet seat and don't clean up their spatter.
posted by HotToddy at 11:12 AM on March 15, 2013 [19 favorites]

Paying with a check at the store, but waiting until your items have been rung up to start filling out the check, thus making everyone in line behind you wait while you fill in all the information.
posted by decathecting at 11:12 AM on March 15, 2013

There are several cashiers (think Forever 21) and one line where everyone queues; except for the supergenius who stands behind a person paying at one of the registers. Hey ho, you're next.
posted by kinetic at 11:13 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Paying with a check at the store when there are people in line, period. It's 2013, if you have a checking account, you have a debit card.
posted by smoq at 11:14 AM on March 15, 2013

People who complain near me or too me about how they could do my job better without knowing or understanding the restrictions and requirements and environment I have to work within.
posted by HMSSM at 11:15 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who cough or sneeze without covering their mouths, misshelve library books, throw cigarette butts out their car windows, cut in line, don't wash their hands in the bathroom.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 11:15 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

The one person in the office of 200 employees who leaves their grimy, stinky lunch dish soaking in the communal kitchen, not realizing that it might be in the way of the 199 other people who might actually like to use the sink.
posted by caroo at 11:15 AM on March 15, 2013

When you park on a street in a city, and you parallel park like a jackhole and don't pull up as close to the car in front of you as possible, or as close to the parking starts here sign or the driveway or wherever it is, and you effectively remove one parking spot from the available amount of parking space on that street. MAY DEATH COME SWIFTLY.

I swear, the inability of my neighbors to park like thoughtful human beings regularly robs our block of at least six viable spots.
posted by phunniemee at 11:17 AM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Deus ex machina intervention.
posted by BibiRose at 11:17 AM on March 15, 2013

People who just STOP inside doorways or at the top of the escalator or in the middle of the airport concourse -- places where people are WALKING RIGHT BEHIND YOU AND WILL CRASH INTO YOU IF YOU DON'T STEP TO THE SIDE GAAAAAH. Solution = a giant claw that comes down from the sky and plucks them out of the way and tosses them to the side.

Please implement this solution at your earliest convenience thank you very much.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:17 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

- eye rolling
- 'huh' instead of 'what' or 'pardon me'
- the precarious coins-balanced-on-top-of-bills method of change giving
- unsolicited advice
posted by marimeko at 11:18 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Not flushing the toilet in a public restroom, double points if it's at an office, infinite points if the toilets are also automatic.
posted by hellojed at 11:18 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who walk out of the store into the path of everyone on the sidewalk while gazing back into the store they just left.

People who throw away cigarette butts without first looking to see who they might hit.

People who walk three and four abreast, filling the entire width of the sidewalk. Obviously their conversation and sense of camaraderie is much more important than the need to let anyone else walk on the sidewalk.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 11:18 AM on March 15, 2013 [9 favorites]

People whose car horns honk when locking, especially in an apartment complex, especially when its midnight and you just watched me carry my sleeping son past your stupid oversized novelty truck.
posted by HMSSM at 11:19 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

HotToddy, we might be twin souls, because I was coming here to list:

-Spitting. Seriously, if you hate spitting, don't ever visit Philly because I swear it is the spittingest city ever. Gross.
-Wearing oodles of perfume in a small, shared office. Ugh. (Or anywhere, really, but especially confined spaces.)

Also: people who block any sort of high-traffic area (entrances, exits, ends of escalators, subway doors, etc.), or people who insist on standing just on the inside of the subway doors and don't get out of the way to let people on and off despite the fact that they are not getting off for many stops. MOVE! (The claw idea could also work here, fingersandtoes.) If I could move people with my mind, I totally would.

I might also take public transportation from time to time.
posted by pitrified at 11:23 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People looking at signs or public information displays -- one of those mall maps, a bus schedule, arrivals display, or a transit change notice, for example -- by standing 1/2" away and obscuring everyone's view with their body and their arm while they run their finger over it for a while. Step back and let everyone see!
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:24 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

People who use Redbox to browse every selection available, at the expense of 10 people behind them, 5 of who just want to return a damn movie before 9pm.....
posted by lstanley at 11:27 AM on March 15, 2013

People who pull sale signs off of shelves or racks in order to "prove" to the cashier that the item is supposed to be a certain price.
posted by HMSSM at 11:27 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who ask a question and then interrupt while you are answering and then get indignant because they don't have the answer to their question.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 11:28 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Having loud private cell phone conversations in public spaces; bonus points for giving dirty looks to passersby making reasonable levels of noise. I'm looking at you, coworker who regularly talks loudly on her cell phone in the communal kitchen instead of the always-empty conference room next door.
posted by SeedStitch at 11:29 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Filing nails on an airplane with the overhead light just enough to illuminate the nail powder floating about the air, dispersing into the surrounding area, landing in your drink, inhaled through your nostrils, sprinkling your bag of nuts, etc. SERIOUSLY.

Groups of people walking side by side, usually walking slowly, who are oblivious to people who just want to get by without having to deal with the egress blocking human fence. These are probably the same people you walk past at a crowded mall who don't yield but shoulder through people. They would make great defensive linebackers.

Parking the car too far in (thus appearing empty), too far out (creating an obstacle to drive around) or too far to one side (so no one can park in the space) and the worst, parking so close to the car next to you that they have to crawl over from the passenger side to driver seat.

Standing right next to the elevator buttons so when people get on, they actually have to excuse themselves for being rude enough to reach in front of the person who neither shows courtesy by stepping back or asking "What floor?".

Coughing or sneezing in public without covering your mouth.

Changing baby diapers on surfaces people eat on. That and all the diapers I see ditched inappropriately in open trash cans at the library or in the parking lot.

Littering in general, but also deliberately littering spaces like elevators like it's too much effort to wait for a trash can to throw away a half-eaten sandwich or that half-full latte from Starbucks.

I need to stop now because this can't be good for my health.
posted by loquat at 11:29 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People who walk across the parking lot as if drifting so that you in your car must drive at a snail's pace behind them.

Saw this one today and it is illegal: taking up a handicap space just to sit the car there with a person waiting.

People who leave their dogs off leash in the front yard and then half-heartedly call them when they come charging at me and the stroller with a kid.

People who have a list of orders for Subway and then can't keep straight what has what condiments on them while the line of people behind them grows.
posted by Leezie at 11:30 AM on March 15, 2013

I'm not sure how "public" it is, but I just got back from class and these things were on my mind:


Professor: [begans his lecture with a short recap of the previous class content and has just started to speak about today's topic]
Student: [raises hand] Um, wait, what about (yesterday's topic and last week's required reading)? How does that relate to (today's topic, and last night's required reading)?
Class: [audibly groans as this is week 9 and it has happened a dozen times from the same person]


Lab Partner: Hey, do you have some paper?
Next Class
Lab Partner: Do you have a pen?
Next Class
Lab Partner: Do you have a copy of the report?
Next Class
Lab Partner: Do you have a pen and some paper I can borrow?
Next Class
Lab Partner: Do you have a pencil?
You: [yes, you have a fucking pencil, because you KNEW he would ask and you brought an extra pencil for the Scranton portion of the test on the off chance that you would finally decide to STAB HIM with it]


Your presentation partner's obnoxiously NSFW cell phone ringtone goes off during your incredibly important presentation and perfectly shatters your carefully developed atmosphere/composure/credibility while he fumbles for an eternity to silence it.


A favorite in my town: Two lanes are becoming one, causing a traffic jam, and everyone in disappearing line is queuing up politely to merge one at a time while the other line is politely letting one car in at a time and traffic is merging and moving slow but steadily. Then, THAT GUY, comes roaring down the nonexistent lane at speed in order to slam on the breaks and demand entrance far ahead and slow traffic. Bonus points if lower level assholes are inspired and now feel that the entire population of a quarter mile of 2-lanes stop and go traffic should allow them to go on ahead.
posted by Vysharra at 11:30 AM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Cashiers at the grocery store who only put one or two items in each bag, even after i explain I want the bags crammed as full as possible.
posted by HMSSM at 11:30 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who walk/bike on the wrong side of trails, or insist on being in the center.
People who live in apartment complexes with overly sensitive car alarms.
posted by florencetnoa at 11:32 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Retail clerks who respond, "I don't think so" when asked if the store carries a particular item. If you don't know, then... hmmm... how about fucking finding out? This one induces palpitations in me, followed by rage, and blacking out.
posted by _Mona_ at 11:32 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DOWNLOAD THE MOBILE APP FOR THIS THREAD?
posted by Artw at 11:34 AM on March 15, 2013 [40 favorites]

Cashiers in giant stores that ask "If I found everything ok?" and then have zero clue what to do when I say "No, I couldn't find X."
posted by HMSSM at 11:36 AM on March 15, 2013

Landlords/neighbors who insist on mowing the lawn at the crack of frigging dawn on any day of the week -- but especially on a day in which we have a society-wide mutual agreement that everyone should get to sleep in. Where I live, that day is the old standard of Sunday. Don't you pull that garbage around me.

I also nth the brutal punishment of people who cough, hack, or sneeze without covering their mouths. Or who allow their children to do so, past the age where they can be effectively taught to shield us from their adorable little germs.

(My husband and I were in line at the pharmacy the other day, to get up some Zofran for his norovirus. An approximately 10-year-old child was sitting in a chair next to the pick-up line, continuously coughing his lung butter onto any poor soul who was forced to stand in that agonizingly slow line. His mother thought it was the funniest thing ever. I hate her. My husband should have puked on them both.)
posted by Coatlicue at 11:36 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who, after stopping you to ask for directions even though you are visibly hurrying down the street, will continue to talk about how they are from out of town, and it's so confusing that there are two light rail stops in opposite directions, one called 4th Street Station and one called Forth Center, and the street numbering system here is counterintuitive, and...

Dear Tourist: I am happy to stop and help you find your way, but I do not have the time to politely listen to you bash the transportation system in my city! Can't you see that I am literally running to my appointment at the Fourth Ave Business Center?!
posted by vivid postcard at 11:37 AM on March 15, 2013

everyone in disappearing line is queuing up politely to merge one at a time while the other line is politely letting one car in at a time and traffic is merging and moving slow but steadily

I recently learned that this is called "zippering", and is indeed the most civilized and efficient way to merge two lanes. Carry on.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 11:37 AM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

At stop lights, the people who stop a whole car length behind the car in front of them thereby lengthening the line of waiting cars and preventing others from reaching the right hand turn lanes.

People who let their dogs bark endlessly with no attempt to stop the racket. Especially at 5AM! Especially those who never walk the dog or pay any attention to it but leave it bored and lonely in the yard all day and night! Especially people with more than one dog (it sounds like I live in a friggin' KENNEL)!
posted by WalkerWestridge at 11:37 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who walk three abreast down the sidewalk, oblivious to people walking the other direction.

People who walk reeeeaaallllyyy slowly down the MIDDLE of the sidewalk, rather than the right side, making it hard to get around them.
posted by kestrel251 at 11:38 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

People who arrange their shopping cart in the geometric center of an aisle whilst they ponder which jar of Prego defines them as a person.
posted by logicpunk at 11:39 AM on March 15, 2013 [28 favorites]

People who stand on the walk side of the escalator (yes, I know it's been said a couple times, but it's a really big one!).

Smoking right before getting on the bus, thus making the entire ride absolutely reek.
(Smoking before entering any confined public space, for that matter. Or smoking near doorways. Or...well, lots of smoking.)

Not moving to the back of a crowded bus, so that everyone is jammed tightly up front. LOOK AT ALL THAT LOVELY SPACE BACK THERE, PEOPLE. USE IT.

Putting your bag (or suitcase, or briefcase, or whatever) on an empty seat on a crowded bus.

Talking loudly in what is supposed to be a quiet study space.

People who meander in crowds across the whole sidewalk, so it's impossible to dark around them. (I really love the idea of "commuter" and "tourist" lanes on sidewalks.)

People who can't walk and talk at the same time.

Strangers on the street telling me to smile.
posted by tan_coul at 11:41 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Drivers who don't take their turn appropriately in a zipper merge.

People who stand right in front of the elevator so you can't get out on your floor.

Groups who walk side-by-side and block the entire breadth of the sidewalk.
posted by Andrhia at 11:41 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Clerk in a department store who goes to great lengths to help a customer on the phone while living breathing customers are standing right in front of him/her waiting to be rung up.

People who sit their baby's butt on the counter where you're about to get your food.

People in my freaking neighborhood who stop their cars in the MIDDLE of the street because they saw some buddy walking and they figure it's the perfect time for a long chat
posted by MelissaSimon at 11:41 AM on March 15, 2013

People at concert venues who try to take a video of the show on their cameraphone and STICK THEIR PHONE IN MY FACE TO DO SO.

PEOPLE. WHO TAKE FLASH PHOTOS. AT LIVE PERFORMANCES.

People who are crossing a busy street, see that a car is trying to turn the corner and waiting for them to cross, and still go slow.

Bicyclists who don't stop at red lights. (Note: I am a cyclist.)

People who walk in the bike path.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:45 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Oh man, you want petty? People who don't MOVE AHEAD in lines! Sure, there's still fifty people in front of us, but there are seventy behind us and you're leaving a huge gap while you're standing there texting! Move up!
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:45 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Some of the cards of 'crimes' from the Cheapass Games 'Witch Trial' (free to print here) are this sort of thing.

My personal addition is really specific, but go to an academic hospital and watch a horde of med students obey gas laws by expanding to fill a corridor while walking down it. They are impossible to cross when they do this. This may happen in other settings, but this is where I notice it.
posted by cobaltnine at 11:47 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Oh!

"Rachel" from "Cardholder account services." And any of the people who use that robo-call message.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:47 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

Restaurants that serve spicy or very salty food and only come by the table once to fill up water glasses.
posted by HMSSM at 11:50 AM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

CAR ALARMS. All of them, at all times, but obviously especially at night. Frankly, I've reached the point where I don't CARE if your car is getting stolen, so long as the noise just STOPS.

Failure to zipper merge properly is a big one, as is not letting people in your lane on a busy, congested freeway when the other lane is ending/becoming an exit lane. Not letting people in does not save you time! The cars have to enter your lane at some point anyway!

Cars cutting pedestrians off when the pedestrian has the signal/right of way, or even worse, cars honking at pedestrians crossing the intersection when the pedestrians have the right of way.

Basically any egregious violation of the unspoken rules of proxemics: taking the empty seat right next to you when there are many other empty seats, entering your personal space bubble while in line, etc.

And this may be a totally personal pet peeve, but MOTHERFUCKER THOSE SUPER BRIGHT HALOGEN/LED HEADLIGHTS ON CARS I HATE THEM. Their ultra blue, ultra bright lights are hell on my eyes at night, even with the rear view mirror on the night setting. Also people whose brights are on for no reason. I don't really see how this can be avenged, per se, but I just have a giant hatred for things that fuck with my night vision.
posted by yasaman at 11:51 AM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

Pedestrians who press the "walk" button, but then use a gap in traffic to cross before it turns green for them, thus making cars STOP AT AN EMPTY RED LIGHT AND WAIT THERE LIKE IDIOTS FOR NO ONE. This is particularly infuriating on not-very-busy roads where it was ooooobvious they could easily cross without bothering with the lights.

(and omfg yes, people who walk in the bike path. *grar*)
posted by ClarissaWAM at 11:51 AM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

people who ask a question at a lecture then talk to their seat mates while their question is being answered.
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 11:55 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Showing up to work with a sniffly, sneezy, contagious cold.
posted by mochapickle at 11:55 AM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

I cannot believe that nobody has yet to mention The Sidewalk Texter. They stop, they text, they walk slowly, they cut in front of me.

The group of (teens, families, drunken dickheads) who have to walk five abreast and have no sense to y'know, consolidate their asses.

Crazy-in-a-hurry-grocery-shopper who needs the Chobani RIGHT NOW and has to push my cart out of the way by ONE INCH so they can get their beloved honey flavor.

Anyone who is ordering anything, anywhere, WHILE TALKING ON THEIR CELL PHONE, and they hold up their finger to indicate, "Give me a moment," when it's their turn in line.

I need to take a Xanax now.
posted by kinetic at 11:58 AM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

The lack of a post-checkout recovery/organizing space at virtually every store on the planet.

In case this isn't obvious, after a clerk gives me my change, he/she is immediately ready for the next customer. But, I need to return my wallet to my backpack and pack my purchases into the backpack or cart before I can vacate the space. (I do what I can during the checkout process, but frequently need a minute to organize things for the trip home.) Rather than hold up the line, I gather things up the best I can and do the necessary organizing after I leave the store, cursing quietly to myself.

Yes, I'm that older woman you see outside of Jewel, muttering to the bags in her granny cart.

Also, seconding all the above pet peeves re public transportation. Jesus, people, if you just paid attention to what's going on around you, the world would be a better place.

Finally, thank you for listening without rolling your eyes or remarking about having heard this before—unlike some children that I brought into this world.
posted by she's not there at 11:59 AM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Saying "literally" when you mean "figuratively." Just don't use a modifier! Shut up!!!!
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:00 PM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Littering. Especially tossing your cigarette out the car window.

THE WORLD IS NOT YOUR TRASHCAN, PEOPLE!!!

Commenting on other people's bodies.

People who are standing in the middle of aisles checking their cellphone while I am desperately trying to get dinner and get out of the market.

People who have RSVPed and don't show up without calling or texting or emailing (WTF?).
posted by Sophie1 at 12:05 PM on March 15, 2013

People who will got to tremendous lengths to borrow something from you when they need it, then never find it convenient to return it.
posted by MelissaSimon at 12:07 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

If I can feel your breath on my neck, you are standing way too close to me while we're waiting in line. Back the fuck up.
posted by desjardins at 12:08 PM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Bureaucrats who abuse their discretion, or who interpret the letter of a policy in such a way - against its spirit - as to manufacture an excuse to avoid doing something they don't feel like doing, or that they personally oppose.

Managers who decide that it's safer to say "no" than to be the person who authorized it Just In Case someone else questions it. (Hence many companies are sociopaths)

Police abuse of discretion, or abuse of powers, or treating people differently based on politics or discrimination.
posted by anonymisc at 12:08 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Parents who believe that while we are standing in line, watching their stroller-bound bundle of joy kick the back of my calves is the cutest thing ever, and upon my attempts to scoot out of kicking range, push the kid forward so they can continue.

Pedestrians on a mixed-use biking/walking path with marked lanes that are never in the (inevitably empty) walk lane.

The hordes of giant SUVs that cram themselves into the compact car parking in a parking garage rather than just going up a floor.
posted by tautological at 12:08 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People who are waiting for a subway train at rush hour and stand not at the back of the available platform space, or at the front, but in the middle. Because what happens is more people come, and they don't want to move in front of you, because then you'll tsk at them (this actually happened to me), but they also don't want to stand behind you because there is only so much room on the platform. Either move up, or move back. Or, hell, stand in the middle and let someone else move to stand at the front and shut the hell up about it. If you wanted to be first onto the train, you should have stood at the front of the freaking platform.
posted by marginaliana at 12:09 PM on March 15, 2013

Parents who believe that while we are standing in line, watching their stroller-bound bundle of joy kick the back of my calves is the cutest thing ever, and upon my attempts to scoot out of kicking range, push the kid forward so they can continue

relatedly, kids kicking the back of the seat in an airplane/theater/etc
posted by desjardins at 12:10 PM on March 15, 2013

Calling something "very unique."

When I say I just want water to drink, servers in a restaurant who ask if I want "flat or sparkling" and look like at me like I'm something they've scraped off the bottom of their shoe when I say "tap water." I only drink water, no soda or juice or whatever, and I don't see a need to litter the planet with plastic bottles when the stuff that comes out of the tap is at least as good.

People who block walkways while chatting, looking at maps, etc, but especially when they do so in front of an up-escalator because that is actually quite dangerous as well as very annoying.

Putting their bags on the bus or train seat if the bus or train is crowded.

Driving right up on my ass when I'm doing the speed limit. Passing when it isn't safe to do so and putting everyone else at risk.

Kicking the seat in front of them in a movie theater, on a plane, etc, especially if it's my seat or a seat on the same row as mine.

People who ask about when we'll have children when I say I've just gotten married. None of your business, people!

Phew - and breathe.
posted by hazyjane at 12:11 PM on March 15, 2013

Oh and people who dramatically huff and sigh at how long the transaction is taking for the person ahead of them in line. People, are you making life better? Or worse? In your fictional series you should have them instantaneously teleported to the very end of the line.

And I believe the loud motorcycles should be avenged by changing their earsplitting roar into the melodious song of the ice cream truck.
posted by HotToddy at 12:12 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Bigots and Racists talking loudly in public to their companions. Even worse is when they stare and comment on someone nearby.

Gross men telling you phrases like "I love you" in the language of the country they assume you to be from. Also, catcalling or ogling in general. My favorite is when I see one man tap a friend on the shoulder so that his buddy doesn't miss the chance to stare at a great ass walking down the sidewalk.

When people don't pay for their parking ticket before trying to drive out of an automated lot and then you get stuck in the choke point behind them forever as they try to figure out how to pay, perhaps try to reverse even though 5 cars are lined up at that point, or try to summon a pay attendant using the unmanned intercom.

Anytime there's a line, there's always that one person who can't get over it and spends the entire time sighing, flopping their arms, aggressively checking the time, saying things out loud to no one, trying to engage people around them about the long line, commenting on slow people at the front holding up the line, etc. That person! Go away!

This is also sometimes the person who stands one inch behind you, which is a sin punishable by laser attack. I am guilty of standing with my arms akimbo, elbows jutting out, in a passive attempt to re-gain some inches of precious personal space while standing in a line.
posted by dottiechang at 12:14 PM on March 15, 2013

People who are just standing in front of something at the grocery store forever doing god knows what - thinking? contemplating the cheese? - while I clearly know what I want and am standing there waiting for them to move their cart out of the way so I can get my hummus and get on with my life.

Children, generally. People who think that because they have kids, now rules of normal human behavior or politeness apply to them. People who let their children do whatever the hell they want. People who bring their children into public and ruin everyone's day. I mean, seriously - did you need to bring your child to the hardware store so they can run around and knock things over.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:15 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who don't like XYZ but don't have a legal leg to stand on, using the costs and delays of the legal system to drain XYZ with endless frivolous actions until it collapses.
posted by anonymisc at 12:16 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People have covered stopping traffic above: When in a bottleneck, stopping in your tracks to look at your phone, especially when you're not about to go into a subway or whatever and there's no pressing need for you to be looking at your phone at that exact moment.

But there are other kinds of stopping traffic: Walking three or four abreast on a mixed-use path, so your group takes up the entire fucking path and bicyclists either have to veer off the path, or say something which somehow earns the bicyclist a dirty look. Same deal on sidewalks too, I guess.

Conversely: Those bicyclists who ring their bell and scream, "ON YOUR LEFT!" in an inexplicably annoyed tone when you're both on a mixed-use path, you're keeping to the right and there's no indication you're going to drift over to the left side.

Hollerin' out the window at dames.

Using a lot of perfume, especially if it's really harsh and chemical-y.

Loud, high-pitched constant screaming during a concert. Listen, this would be fine if we were at a Justin Bieber show, because we'd both be tweenage girls and we'd both be expressing ourselves via prolonged screams. But we're not. We're at a Rasputina show and you're a woman in your twenties at least and I also am an adult and your mouth is RIGHT THE FUCK NEXT TO MY EAR. Let out a couple yells if you want, but come on. Actually I'm also going to say: Incredibly loud singing during a concert. I get it, you dig this song, it's a big emotional moment for you and that's awesome, but for shit's sake. I did not buy a ticket so I could come listen to you, and again you're right in my ear so you're sort of drowning out the person I actually did pay to hear.

Changing your baby in any public place other than a baby changing station. I give a bit of leeway on this but there's no goddamn excuse for doing it on the table in a restaurant. The experience of eating a burger is not (it may shock you to learn) improved by seeing that someone at the next table has produced and then folded up a diaper filled with fragrant, avocado-colored human shit and is now lovingly Handi-Wiping down their child's balls and asshole.

I also give people a bit of leeway on loud-ass chewing with their mouth open, even though it's gross, if they're doing it in a noisy place like a restaurant so I don't really hear them. It's a different story if they're doing it, say, in the audience of a play. Motherfucker, there are three people in this auditorium making noise and two of them are on stage. Close your mouth.

Correcting me when I fail to use your fuckheaded branded terms for concepts we are both completely clear on. If it says tall and venti or whatever and those are the terms you use, I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with it when I say I want a medium, we both know what I meant, and you say, "Do you mean a venti?" I mean fuck you I'm going to Tealuxe. Yes hello, I would like a medium dish of your weird trying-too-hard ice cream because this is where my friends wanted to go. No, I do not want a Love It sized dish of your ice cream. Nor do I want it in Like It or Gotta Have It size. I'd consider it, but I've found that the best topping for ice cream is dignity.

Being one of those goddamn people who stands on street corners with a clipboard and windbreaker collecting signatures and trying to find fun, creative ways to engage passerby. Look, if I'm walking past you with my eyes down and deliberately avoiding eye contact, I am engaging in the accepted social indication that I do not want you to talk to me, and it's a dick move to ignore that.

Passive-aggressively letting out a handful ostentatious, deliberate coughs when within ten feet of anyone smoking on a public street. I don't even smoke and I still think this is a total dipshit thing to to.

Upselling at stores which stock expensive products. Yes, I know this is corporate policy. Yes, I know I might be a secret shopper and you have no way of knowing I'm not. I don't care. If I just spent more than a hundred fucking dollars on Yankee Candles for FAMOUS MOTHER, or anywhere between forty and fifty dollars on motherfucking soap at Lush, asking for more of my money will make me want to throw you in a lake. Upsell me on some fries when I've spent three bucks on a burger and a coke and the fries are a buck extra.

PEEVES SPECIFIC TO PEOPLE WHO WORK IN RETAIL (which I haven't for, what, more than a decade and a half, but these are burned into my brain):

When there's no price on something, making the joke, "Oh, it must be free then! Haw haw haw!" This is sort of the Platonic ideal of a peeve because there's nothing objectively wrong with the joke, but the person making the joke (unless they have worked retail) has no idea how many times a day you hear it so it's not really their fault but you still want to break their spine.

If a big box store is out of something, asking either if you have any more in the back (if we did, I would have no idea where they are, and we probably don't because we're not in the habit of keeping things in back where no one will buy them) or if you know when you're getting more in (no, I'm a cashier and this is not information that I or my boss or my boss's boss has access to or could look up easily).

Making staff into the bad guy because you can't discipline your kid. On more than one occasion, a kid was crying or misbehaving or whatever, and I was just sort of walking by with my dumb little vest on, and the parent was like, "You see that person there? They're going to take away the toy I just bought for you if you don't start behaving." Thanks, dick. On at least one occasion, I shook my head no at the kid on the sly.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:16 PM on March 15, 2013 [15 favorites]

People who don't obey the stay-right-except-to-pass rule. Yes, this applies to the HOV lane, even if you have a full car.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:17 PM on March 15, 2013

People in my freaking neighborhood who stop their cars in the MIDDLE of the street because they saw some buddy walking and they figure it's the perfect time for a long chat

OMG THIS and also even worse, when a driver on one side of the street recognizes a driver on the other side, and you've got two SUV's paused next to each other for a chat while they BLOCK THE ENTIRE FREAKING ROAD GET OUT OF MY WAY SOCCER MOMS!
posted by Daily Alice at 12:17 PM on March 15, 2013

I know that they're just doing their job, but: people who work in stores and ask you, "Do you need help or are you just browsing?" and then don't actually leave you alone when you say, "Just browsing."

People who stop suddenly at the tops of escalators.

People in classical music concerts who glare disapprovingly at anyone who claps between movements while they themselves cough like a hurricane every time the music pauses.

Calling a bank, etc, and having to wade through 5 minutes of pre-recorded messages before you can actually talk to a real person.

Baby strollers that are the size of tanks.

People with umbrellas who don't pay attention to where their umbrellas actually are in space (i.e. in my eye).
posted by colfax at 12:18 PM on March 15, 2013

Those bicyclists who ring their bell and scream, "ON YOUR LEFT!" in an inexplicably annoyed tone when you're both on a mixed-use path, you're keeping to the right and there's no indication you're going to drift over to the left side.

This is actually an encouraged practice meant to be a courtesy to the people we're passing, so you don't get all freaked out and whoashit where'd the bike come from. I actually wish more bikers would do it because I do not hear them coming up from behind me and it always freaks me out a little. And as for the "annoyed" tone - my "loud" may come across as "annoyed" sometimes, maybe this is the case too?....

Calling a bank, etc, and having to wade through 5 minutes of pre-recorded messages before you can actually talk to a real person.

On top of this - people who don't provide an obvious "press [foo] to speak to an agent" kind of option for phone trees. I wasted a frustrating few minutes on the phone earlier today being asked repeatedly for my Macys account number before I was finally transferred to a live human, to whom I could tell "I do not have a Macy's account number, that is the whole point of my call".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:22 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Drivers who stop in the middle of the road to let me, a pedestrian, cross and then get pissed when I don't because there are OTHER CARS zooming behind them that are going to kill me. Just go, I'll cross when there's no traffic.

Women: the toilet SEAT is for SITTING. Stop peeing everywhere.
posted by lydhre at 12:25 PM on March 15, 2013 [7 favorites]

People who leave a classical music concert as soon as the conductor drops her arms to end the piece. WE CAN SEE YOU. We worked hard! I know you paid for your ticket, but at least have the decency to clap! Maybe you have a ferry to catch or something, but at least clap two or three times before hustling out!

Even worse: people who leave the Messiah right after the Hallelujah Chorus, right as the soprano is making her way to the front to sing her big aria. You people are assholes.

Outside of music: parents who watch their precious darlings snatch toys out of my kid's hand and hit him on the head with it and do nothing. This goes double for the parents who do that while we are at therapy playgroup for kids with motor, cognitive, and social issues. Hey, lady, maybe your kid's social issue is that his mom is a jerk!
posted by KathrynT at 12:25 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People smoking in confined areas, like bus shelters, where the other people around them can't reasonably move away.

People who push past you to get off the bus/train, even when you are also getting off at that stop.

People who sit on train/bus seats with their legs open as wide as possible so as, presumably, to dissuade anyone from sitting near them.

People who, on airplanes, recline all the way back as soon as the seatbelt light goes off (this is contentious, I know, but man do I feel for my 6'5" boyfriend who suffers from my inability to be seated in an exit row thanks to partial deafness.)

People who walk around staring at their phone in busy spaces like train stations, forcing everyone to dodge them.

People who put one item at a time up on the belt at the grocery store. I get that they want to check the prices, but it's still really frustrating both as the cashier and as a customer behind them in line. Oh, and people who don't move away from the line before examining their receipt in excruciating detail.

People who don't flush public toilets.

Cashiers at the grocery store who only put one or two items in each bag, even after i explain I want the bags crammed as full as possible.

It only takes a couple of occasions of someone telling you to "fill 'em right up" and then screaming "WHAT WHY ARE YOU MAKING THEM SO HEAVY" before you start being cautious with this. Over the whole population of customers, any bagging style is a can't-win for the cashier.

Retail clerks who respond, "I don't think so" when asked if the store carries a particular item. If you don't know, then... hmmm... how about fucking finding out?

I'll say "I don't know, but I'll find out" if I'm pretty sure we don't carry an item but lack absolute certainty. Of course, 99% of the time the person I'll call to "find out" has no idea at all but will just say "no" so they don't have to do anything. This is probably the same everywhere.

Clerk in a department store who goes to great lengths to help a customer on the phone while living breathing customers are standing right in front of him/her waiting to be rung up.

You can't really hang up on someone who is still asking you questions or whatever. Phone customers are still customers. It's just like how you probably wouldn't want the clerk to just walk away from you while you were trying to get help.
posted by lwb at 12:27 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who park in front of our driveway, because they have to pick their kids up from the elementary school across the street. Someone's doing it right now. Maybe I should take a picture.
posted by Coatlicue at 12:30 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People who still have their umbrellas up while standing underneath a shop's overhang. That's anti-rain double protection, and umbrella-less folks like me get unfairly crowded out.

People who walk in groups abreast on the sidewalk.
posted by The Notorious SRD at 12:31 PM on March 15, 2013

Oh, one more: This is also very much just a peeve, since I do understand why it happens, but: When someone with a kid talks to everyone in the world in their Mom Voice or Dad Voice, as though they're the parent of everybody, not just one person.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:32 PM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

Also, people who sit in bookstores (like a Chapters) with all their things sprawled out everywhere, and then give ME a dirty look because I brushed your bookbag with my foot. Get it up against the wall!
posted by The Notorious SRD at 12:35 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Not deciding what you want before coming up to order at the fast food place.

Conversely, being asked what I want when I've clearly just walked in and haven't even had a chance to look at the menu yet.
posted by Crane Shot at 12:36 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Winter-running specific: When you stop outside the front of your house to glare at me as I run by in the street, then shout after me: "THE SIDEWALK'S RIGHT THERE." I know. You didn't shovel it, and it is now covered in three inches of solid ice. I'd love to break an ankle and sue you! Thanks for offering!

Other running specific: When you park your car in your driveway across the sidewalk, forcing me into the street even though you have a perfectly good garage right there and a car length and a half in front of it to pull up into.
posted by House of Leaves of Grass at 12:38 PM on March 15, 2013

Professional people who do shoddy work, knowingly, on the assumption that the person who hired them can't tell.

I am looking at you, Idiot Plumber, and Incompetent Door-Hanging Guy Who Must Have Been The General Contractor's Relative...and most of all at you, Obviously-Drunk Garage Door Guy Who Would Have Made More Selling Me A Whole New Door Than Illegally Repairing My Old One.

Feh, I spurn you with my foot.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:38 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Cars cutting pedestrians off when the pedestrian has the signal/right of way, or even worse, cars honking at pedestrians crossing the intersection when the pedestrians have the right of way.

Conversely, pedestrians who don't have the signal/right of way who saunter into the street (it's always a slow saunter, never a quick dash), and seem either oblivious or hostile to the fact that they've either (at best) fucked up the traffic flow at an intersection or (at worst) nearly caused an accident when the drivers who did have the right-of-way have to slam on their brakes to avoid hitting them. (This is virtually a daily occurrence in L.A.; don't know if it's as prevalent elsewhere.)

Similarly, pedestrians who are waiting for the signal to cross the street, but who are so distracted by their phones that when the light changes for them, they don't notice and they just linger there (maybe even with one foot in the gutter), as if they may or may not blindly step into the street at any point -- so that drivers at the corner hoping to turn right on the green light (as you do) have to wait to see if the pedestrian is going to stop texting their fucking friend for half a second and actually start walking or not, in the meantime causing a pileup of cars in the right lane.
posted by scody at 12:40 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who squeeze right in front of you at a show (where you've been standing for hours watching the opening acts) and then proceed to talk VERY LOUDLY while the band plays. Go out to the lobby or the bathroom or where-the-fuck-ever and have your very important conversation, I'm trying to actually listen to the music here!

(Seems I'm still quite angry about this. Grrrrrrr.)
posted by not.so.hip at 12:43 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Apparently the people walking more than two abreast on the sidewalk (and even that can be pushing it) hits a nerve with more folks than I. Add extra indignation if there's mud, goose poop, dog shit, or other unpleasant substances next to the sidewalk and the ONLY thing for the person walking opposite the Happy Little Group to do is step off the sidewalk into it. I would love to see a superhero swoop down, pick up the offending people and line them up correctly (or else dump them into the unpleasant substance).
posted by dlugoczaj at 12:43 PM on March 15, 2013

People who think it's not going to scare me if they start walking towards my car before I've moved a safe distance away from them.

Single diners who have been camping out at the local Starbucks or Panera for HOURS without buying anything and refuse to leave so larger parties can take their seats during the lunch/dinner hour.

People who invent their own lane in the freeway.

People on bikes who refuse to move aside when they are blocking traffic.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 12:45 PM on March 15, 2013

People who wait until the last possible moment to merge out of an only lane.
posted by capricorn at 12:46 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Another pedestrian peeve--folks, you typically can walk right over manhole covers, sidewalk gratings, damp spots, and random pavement discolorations with no ill effect. Oh, sure, if you have high-heels on or live in an area with exploding manhole covers you have an excuse, but, otherwise, don't suddenly swerve into me just because there's something slightly unexpected on the ground.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:47 PM on March 15, 2013

When you park your car in your driveway across the sidewalk, forcing me into the street even though you have a perfectly good garage right there and a car length and a half in front of it to pull up into.

Similarly - cars that brake for a red light in the middle of the crosswalk.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:48 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who do not take off their gigantic overstuffed backpacks on a crowded subway car. Bonus points if the backpack is hitting someone who is sitting in the face with every move the train makes. Extra-extra points if you're so tall that your backpack is swiping me off my feet every time you turn.

Giant SUVs and vans who drive right through a stop sign, because they just dropped off their precious teenager at a high school down the street and now have to hurry to do other VERY IMPORTANT MOMMY THINGS! Grr.

When I'm in the middle lane, speeding up to overtake me on the left just to cut across me to exit on the right in one smooth motion - why?!

Whew!
posted by Shusha at 12:49 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People in nice environmentally sealed cars who get enraged while stopped at pedestrians crossing earlier than the walk signal. You're dry, I have a bus to catch.

They who act surprised when the alarm goes off upon leaving the library with unborrowed books in tow.

Non signalers of all sorts. You are not psychic and neither I.

Farters. You know who you are.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:50 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

I would love to see a superhero swoop down, pick up the offending people and line them up correctly

Sounds like a job for WALK RIGHT!
posted by ceribus peribus at 12:52 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

The person who waits for the (movie, symphony, play) to begin before deciding to ever-so-painstakingly-and-ear-jarringly-loudly open that cellophane-wrapped butterscotch/peppermint/candy-that-nobody-in-their-right-mind-would-call-candy.

And it always takes them like 20 minutes to do it.
posted by kinetic at 12:54 PM on March 15, 2013

Anything that evinces a sense of entitlement. I see a lot of this involving parking.

The guy (it's always a guy) who parks his car across two parking spaces (or in rare cases, four).

Parking your Hummer in the space clearly labeled "compact cars only" because it's closer to the place you're going.

In a parking lot with dive-in parking spots, driving the wrong way up an aisle.

In a crowded parking lot, blocking a lane because you see that a convenient spot is going to open up in a minute. Just park farther down the aisle and walk. Even worse, the guy who squeezes past the guy waiting for the space that's about to open up and sniping it. Worse than both of these is the guy waiting for a spot who goes ballistic when the person getting into the car and about to vacate the spot checks his phone rather than driving off immediately.
posted by adamrice at 12:54 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who park their damned oversized behemoth vehicles in spaces clearly marked "compact" Jesus wept, people! Your freaking car is too big to fit there! I hate them so much...flames. Flames on the side of my face!

Also, people who ride their bikes on the sidewalk. Don't they know it's more dangerous there?!? I try to tell them, but...well.
posted by bluejayway at 12:56 PM on March 15, 2013

People who come up to the desk to check out library books and act surprised when I ask for their library card. Which then takes five minutes to find...
posted by jabes at 12:56 PM on March 15, 2013

Driving right up on my ass when I'm doing the speed limit

OH GOD YES. Especially if it's raining, snowing, etc. I love the people that think it's worth it for me to risk my safety so that they can break the law.
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:05 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Okay last one:

during kid's school performances like talent shows/acapella performances/choral groups, leaving as soon as their kid is off the stage, and then by the end of the show it's me and the only other four parents who could be bothered to sit through the whole damned thing.
posted by kinetic at 1:08 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Drivers stopped in the "right turn ok on red" lane without any turn signal on, indicating they're going straight when the traffic lights change. But when it does turn green, they start turning right and turn on their right-turn signal AFTER they've already rounded the corner.

Drivers who see pedestrians as target practice and speed up.
posted by mayurasana at 1:17 PM on March 15, 2013

Places where it is perfectly reasonable to bring a child that don't have changing tables, don't repair broken changing tables or don't put changing tables in the men's room.

Apartments: The hoard of parents who wait for the school bus with their kids and stand or park in the driveway so you can't get through.

Parents at the mall's play zone who ignore the no shoes rule and then step on my son's fingers and then don't even apologize.

People who ignore "no food or beverage" rules in the children's play areas.

Strangers who offer my toddler snacks even after I say no he can't have any.
posted by HMSSM at 1:18 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Verizon FIOS people coming to my door asking me if I want to switch to FIOS, even though I already told them I just signed a new contract with Time Warner because I checked and FIOS was more expensive per TV.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:22 PM on March 15, 2013

"Yes", "Okay", and "Right" each mean something different. Please use them correctly.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 1:22 PM on March 15, 2013

People who say they they are or want to be environmentally conscientious and participate in recycling, but they don't think beyond their kitchen and always throw out bathroom and medical product packaging such as cardboard toothpaste packaging, cardboard toilet paper tubes, empty shampoo bottles, etc in the garbage when these things are widely accepted as recyclable. If having a designated bin for recycling in your washroom cramps your style, take the packaging out of the bathroom when you leave and put it in your main recycling bin.

Can also be applied to the office for a public setting.
posted by mayurasana at 1:24 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

People who ask inane questions in the staff meeting even though said meeting was supposed to end 5 minutes ago.
posted by Sal and Richard at 1:31 PM on March 15, 2013

Students in lecture that just HAVE to share their personal anecdote that's only tangentially related to the lecture topic and the whole class and the professor just go glassy-eyed and nod politely.
posted by Grandysaur at 1:50 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Pajamas in public.
posted by cellura p at 1:59 PM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

When there's no price on something, making the joke, "Oh, it must be free then! Haw haw haw!"

Related: Customer wants to pay with cash, but they're short a dollar, so they pretend to reach into my tip jar. Yes, sir, you are very clever. Ha. Ha.
posted by book 'em dano at 2:01 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People who flip to another channel during a commercial break, then start watching the show they flipped to, effectively missing the original program.

People who mouth words when they read. People who follow the words with their finger when they read.

People who lick pages before they turn them.

People who only conduct phone conversations with me on speakerphone.

People who send a text that just consists of "hey."
posted by thank you silence at 2:03 PM on March 15, 2013

People who think a proper tip for really good service is 10%.

People who spend a decent amount of time listening to a street performer, obviously enjoying that person's performance, and then don't leave anything in the hat.
posted by jeri at 2:04 PM on March 15, 2013

Clerks who are so involved in mindless, personal conversations either on their cell phone or with a co-worker that they can barely function and get you checked out.

Also, similarly, people who have loud, meaningless conversations in the library, while others around them are trying to study. Even though there are NO CELL PHONE signs plastered everywhere.
posted by hannahelastic at 2:05 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People on buses and airplanes who use your headrest to hoist themselves up from their seat.
posted by saul wright at 2:08 PM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

People who mouth words when they read. People who follow the words with their finger when they read.

People who lick pages before they turn them.


People who study me while I read.
posted by marimeko at 2:09 PM on March 15, 2013 [21 favorites]

People who, on a full bus, complain loudly about the incredible flatulence that other riders suffer in silence.

People who, after complaining loudly, spray cheap perfume to "mask" said flatulence.
posted by suprenant at 2:33 PM on March 15, 2013

People who talk in the library loud enough for me to hear even with my earplugs on. I mean, you can go talk anywhere else in the world but you come into a quiet room with people sitting at desks with all thier stuff spread out to chat?

And i had to make a comment about Appleturnovers dislike over people at cafes doing work. Why is this a pet peve? Its good f
or business and they have free wifi. Lots of people enjoy a cafe environment to study or do work.
posted by eq21 at 2:39 PM on March 15, 2013

Oh, and people who talk loudly in general or who make a sudden loud noise
posted by eq21 at 2:40 PM on March 15, 2013

Public washrooms (women): the bin with the paper bags is not where your used tampons/pads are disposed. You take a bag from the bin, insert your used business, roll or fold down the bag, and place it in a garbage outside of the stall.
posted by mayurasana at 2:45 PM on March 15, 2013

the bin with the paper bags is not where your used tampons/pads are disposed. You take a bag from the bin, insert your used business, roll or fold down the bag, and place it in a garbage outside of the stall.

These come with multiple paper bags? I've only ever seen them with a single bag, usually accompanied by a sign to deposit tampons/pads within.
posted by scody at 2:46 PM on March 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

People who deride me when I don't answer personal calls or texts during standard working hours because I "work from home so how busy could I be?" I will, however, suffer those fools gladly if it means eradicating people who give me unending shit because I'm unavailable -- again, during standard working hours -- to go out for coffee at 2:00 pm or have them over for a four-hour lunch. Choke on it, jerks.

That's not so much an issue one encounters in public but I had to get it out of my system before I imploded.
posted by _Mona_ at 2:48 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Cyclists who block traffic by riding way into the car lane of the road when there is PLENTY of room to the right or even in the designated bike lane. In my neighborhood it's usually either drunk college students on beach cruisers who are just in the middle of the road, or very serious cyclists (well, you know, they're wearing the uniform) who must ride two or three abreast. Share the road dammit!
posted by pennypiper at 2:48 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

I usually see them with multiple paper bags, small enough that it wouldn't be easy to fit more than a couple used products. Sometimes they don't get refilled enough, maybe? Or maybe it is used differently in different places; in that case I'm not annoyed about people and more annoyed that different spaces don't have signs with explicit instructions, leading to misunderstanding of use.
posted by mayurasana at 2:51 PM on March 15, 2013

Ill-behaved children on planes. Your baby can't help crying (but give it a bottle so it can equalize its ear pressure, please) but your toddlers and young children can be properly taught not to run up & down the aisles, drop their nasty half-chewed crackers on my feet, yell, fuss, demand, and generally act out while Mommy & Daddy watch videos on their tablets, with their headsets on, blithely ignoring them.

There is a special circle of hell for anyone who leaves a used diaper on the beach, or any place other than a trash receptacle. (And plastic grocery bags were invented to wrap them in so we don't all have to share the stench.)

And you should pick up your dog's poop if you live in town.

Littering, sidewalk-hogging, patchouli oil-wearing (and other strong scent), bad breath and other unpleasant, avoidable, aromas, turn-signal-abusers, cell-phone oversharers, parking hogs, ooohh, esp. parking hogs, you are all in karmic danger. Repent! That reminds me - proselytizers, either at my door, or anywhere.
posted by theora55 at 2:52 PM on March 15, 2013

Default assuming that "parking" means car parking, that a "vehicle" is a motor vehicle, that "reliable transportation" has four wheels and a motor, etc.
posted by aniola at 2:59 PM on March 15, 2013

Disclaimer: My voice is loud because my poor hearing wasn't diagnosed til I was 40, and I don't hear my own voice all that well. I apologize. Maybe some of these annoyances are really involuntary, and deserve some patience.

Taking the time to enter my account number, then being asked again for my account number. I'm a customer, and it's my time, why do you think it's okay to waste it?

Yeah, that guy who invented crappy, bad-audio 'music' on hold, with extra-loud ads. If I find you ...
posted by Mom at 3:01 PM on March 15, 2013

People who lick pages before they turn them.

I haven't seen that. It would be rather entertaining.

I have seen people lick their fingers before turning pages.
posted by yclipse at 3:01 PM on March 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

I would adore the superhero who went around installing sufficient ped parking.
posted by aniola at 3:02 PM on March 15, 2013

Automated phone systems which require you to speak (rather than enter info via the keypad) and have shitty voice recognition software. Bonus points for really long and unnecessary explanations of simple things that you have to listen to. More points for repeating the overly long unnecessary instructions each time the shitty voice recognition software fails to understand what you say. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand. Please say your date of birth. For example August 21, 1974. Or you could month month, day day, year year year year, for example 08 - 21 - 1974." I'm talking about you BC/BS.
posted by pennypiper at 3:05 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Non-tech people who are also unfamiliar with the issues at hand at tech meetings but who talk the most and the non-tech managers who think this dude is the best and why aren't the tech people contributing great ideas like that; heyhoo, I'll continue to be dazzled by shiny happy ideas and under appreciate my tech people who thought things through and have already told me why it won't work but I don't really listen because Mr. Idea Generator talks so much he must really work hard and know what's up.
posted by mayurasana at 3:10 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who text, check emails, internet, etc. in a theater, lighting up several rows, and spoiling the experience for the rest of us. I don't consider it petty, but I'd pay the salary of the superhero who could stop it.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 3:13 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

People who assume I don't mind being licked by their dogs.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 3:17 PM on March 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

Failure to understand the point of having two sets of double doors, say in the entrance to a building that has a vestibule.

If everyone uses the right-hand door relative to the direction they are facing (assuming they not walking backwards, which actually wouldn't be so surprising to see) traffic in and out of the building can proceed at the same time.

If you are holding the exit door open for me you'll just have to accept it when I ignore your act of altruism and proceed apace through the correct door on the right side. If you are reaching across holding doors for people on the side opposite you you are similarly a lame duck samaritan. If you are darting in or out the wrong door just because it is NOT QUITE ALL THE WAY CLOSED and will save you somehow time or calories you are hopeless.

Failure to obey the laws I have invented for double-doors results in CHAOS people! You're turning a brilliant idea that ensures swift entrance and egress into a morass of outstretched arms and misplaced politeness that retards traffic to a very suboptimal level.
posted by TheRedArmy at 3:20 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Freeway drivers who randomly come to a stop without pulling all the way over onto the shoulder for no reason even though traffic is moving at regular speed and then just start up again without signaling once several cars have had to brake fast behind them. If my brakes and tires and reflexes weren't very good, your new expensive car would be broken. This happened twice in one week. Cars are big and scary, people!
posted by monopas at 3:20 PM on March 15, 2013

People who sing and hum in stores and public places. Filling the room with your tuneless humming is just as bad as forcing everyone to endure a cloud of too-much-perfume.

And on that note, people who use lots of strongly-scented laundry products! I've known people who know better when it comes to the perfume thing, but have no idea that their detergent and fabric softener is just as disruptive.
posted by hyperfascinated at 3:26 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

scody: These come with multiple paper bags? I've only ever seen them with a single bag, usually accompanied by a sign to deposit tampons/pads within.

After looking into, it appears there are a couple kinds. One with one or two larger bags, and another kind with smaller multiple bags. I have a vague memory having used one with larger bags when I was younger, but for the past few years I remember only encountering the multi/small bag scenario. And couple of those places had explicit instructions about bag removal and disposal in the garbage. This thread has been informative.
posted by mayurasana at 3:27 PM on March 15, 2013

- Anytime I can hear anyone eat, especially strangers, it gives me a severe case of the fantods.

- People who do not hold the door. As in, not only do not actively hold the door open for me, but hold it long enough for them to get through and then just let it swing shut while I've got my stroller half in the doorway and then have to scramble to try and grab it. I've definitely encountered citizens who actively try to *shut* the door behind them onto my stroller and they need to be given citations.

- See also, able bodied young gentlemen sitting in a vestibule right next to a door who watch me struggle with the door/stroller combo and just sit there and stare at me.

- Citizens who decide the middle of the check out lane is the correct location to abandon their shopping cart.

- Tourists deciding that the middle of the sidewalk is the correct place for a group photo op. See also, flash photography in restaurants. (I have epilepsy so that one is a health concern for me as well as just being supremely annoying. I've been known to politely ask them to turn off their flash and it's like I asked them to turn off their lungs or something from the attitude I get.) [Note: Tourists taking photos of stuff I can forgive, but "Let's all get in the picture!" in the MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK? Let's all see me in hell!]

I could yammer on forever about tourist behavior and Getting in My Way.
posted by sonika at 3:41 PM on March 15, 2013

Driving right up on my ass when I'm doing the speed limit.

Yes, but I loathe the self-appointed speed limit enforcers who tool along in the left-most lane of the Interstate driving at precisely the speed limit. And, related, the bunchers who fail to realize that they are going at the same speed as the person in the adjacent lane as we all stack up behind the oblivious twins. That reminds me of the menace posed by folks using cruise control inattentively, who get closer and closer to me when I have no way to escape, probably due to the aforementioned bunchers or speed limit enforcers.
posted by carmicha at 3:56 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Laughing really loudly at your own unfunny jokes - especially people who think every sentence they speak is hilarious
posted by moorooka at 4:00 PM on March 15, 2013

Asking a vegetarian who you've just met why they don't eat meat.
posted by moorooka at 4:03 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Driving right up on my ass when I'm doing the speed limit

Conversely, people who insist on staying in the fast lane of the highway even if they are holding up a line of others. Yes, even if you are going the speed limit.

Also, motorists that throw open their doors in front of cyclists. There was just a fatality in LA due to this. It is horrifying to have someone fling their car door open in front of you as you pass by on your bike. Usually, it is someone that has kicked their car door open without even looking. In CA, it is the duty of the motorist to make sure it is safe to open their door before opening it.

Also, I HATE motorists who yell "get on the sidewalk" as you ride your bike in the road where you are supposed to be. The sidewalk can be a VERY unsafe place for cyclists and you're supposed to ride in the road if at all possible.
posted by dottiechang at 4:04 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Use all but the little last bit of toothpaste/shampoo/orange juice/whatever, then before it's gone, open and start using a new one, leaving the almost empty old one there until eternity.
posted by hannahelastic at 4:04 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Laughing really loudly at your own unfunny jokes - especially people who think every sentence they speak is hilarious

Memo to Rick from Pawn Stars: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP DOING THIS
posted by scody at 4:08 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Specifically parenting related... (other than just "unsolicited advice" which, thanks friends, I'll keep it in mind. Not.)

I get that toddlers bother some people because they're loud and semi-feral, but holy cow have I ever met a hell of a lot of people who ensure that my life be made as difficult as possible in penance for having the audacity for taking a kid out in public and YES I GET IT YOU DON'T LIKE CHILDREN JUST STOP SNEERING HE WON'T BITE YOU.

Maybe it's just Boston, but every day I encounter someone who does things like "Oh hey, I was bagging the groceries in this check out aisle but there's a lady with a kid who is next in line and I'm going to look at her kid disapprovingly and just walk away now." or walks into my stroller on the T and tells me to "Watch it with that thing!" when I am as out of the way as I can get and have the g-ddamn parking brake on and didn't move an inch.

Also also, don't tell me my kid "doesn't need" to play with my iPhone unless you REALLY want to hear the song of his people telling you exactly how hard his life is. I know in your day you had to entertain yourself with a stick, I know. But it's not your day and he's not screaming so let's just all move along.

Anyone who talks during a movie or performance of anything ever. This didn't used to bother me until the cost of going out anywhere without my kid included ~$20/hr for a babysitter. I did not pay $100+ dollars for the joy of listening to your opinions on the evening's entertainment. Shut your piehole, plz and thnx.

(Please note, I am as courteous as possible about my kid's behavior and never let him scream in restaurants, tear things apart in stores, or disturb others in general. I know how to walk on sidewalks/aisles/public transit and take up less space with my (small) stroller than your average human does just by being oblivious. I never change him in public outside of a bathroom. There are simply people who go to great lengths to make sure I know that the very EXISTENCE of my child disturbs them. And they can line up and bite me.)

(TL;DR - Please do not assume my kid is an asshole just because he has the audacity to not have fully grown into an adult human as of yet. He's working on it.)
posted by sonika at 4:11 PM on March 15, 2013 [17 favorites]

Fellow train/plane passengers who wait until they're halfway down the aisle to a) check their seat reservations, b) debate with others in their party about who should sit where, and c) try out several possible arrangements of luggage in the overhead storage vs. by their feet vs. elsewhere before settling on the one they like the best. SIT DOWN, damn it.
posted by Catseye at 4:15 PM on March 15, 2013

Self-proclaimed grammar proponents who feel it's their duty to uphold the "rules of grammar" as they know them no matter the medium. This is especially annoying when they feel it's necessary to mock those who make any little mistake, including typos. Seriously, calm the hell down. Bonus points for those grammar Nazis who make mistakes while correcting the grammar of others.

People who park badly. I have cards for them.

People who cannot control their children in public places, especially restaurants, movies, and weddings. There's a time and a place for kids to play and a restaurant ain't one of them. If you can't control your kids, eat at home or find a babysitter. I had four kids and they never ran wild in public.

People who bring babies to formal occasions. Babies cannot entertain themselves, please leave them with a sitter or stay at home.

People who talk on their phone in public LOUDLY. Seriously, lower your voice.

My honey does this, and it drives me buggy, people who won't take their right of way because they don't trust the other drivers not to follow the traffic rules. For example (and this is only one example), they'll sit at a four way stop and wait until everyone else has gone before they move. OMG! that drives me buggy, and it's dangerous too.

People who presume that speakers of English as a foreign language must be stupid because their spoken English isn't good. Even though English is their second (or third, or fourth...) language and the person with this belief has only English.
posted by patheral at 4:16 PM on March 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

People who board a flight before their boarding group (and the airline staff that allows it). (Yes, I'm looking at you, JetBlue flight out of NYC when miraculously one half of the entire plane had "pre-boarding" privileges.)

People who try to exit the plane before the row in front of them has cleared.

People who load their carryon luggage in the overhead bin wheels facing sideways.

Anyone who has ever boarded an Amtrak out of Penn Station. Seriously, you are all animals.
posted by murfed13 at 4:42 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Women who pee on seats when there are seatcovers/ample toilet paper/ the new seats with the little handle on the edge.

Parents who bring Hummer strollers into the subway

cashiers who stroke my fingers/brush my hand when they give me my change.
posted by brujita at 4:50 PM on March 15, 2013

Anyone who has ever boarded an Amtrak out of Penn Station. Seriously, you are all animals.

*blinks*

People who make claims that I'm an animal based solely on my having to use the one train station that's in my city that serves the one line that lets me visit my parents.

(Care to amend your statements, murfed?)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:53 PM on March 15, 2013

(Care to amend your statements, murfed?)

Absolutely not. By the way, I'm including myself in this. The ten minutes from the time the track is announced until I sit in my seat consistently rank on my list of worst transportation experiences ever. Maybe you enjoy being shoved and bumped and elbowed out while 200 people try to make a single file line, but I find it rather unpleasant.
posted by murfed13 at 5:06 PM on March 15, 2013

Popping/snapping gum loudly and constantly on public transit...or anywhere in public...or anywhere at all, really.
posted by fromageball at 5:06 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Men (I am presuming this is a male thing), hanging a huge pair of testicles from the rear bumper of their truck.

People sucking their teeth.

Blasting music with profane language and racial slurs while you are filling your gas tank at a large gas station.
posted by JujuB at 5:31 PM on March 15, 2013

When I rule the world, elevator pee-ers will be shot from a cannon into the sun.

Of course I'll decree that free, safe public facilities be installed at sensible intervals, but that's not nearly as entertaining a thought.
posted by Space Kitty at 6:25 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People who clip their toenails on public transportation.

People who try to barge onto the elevator without checking to see if someone in the elevator is exiting.

Perfumes and heavy scents.

People who don't look behind them when going through a door and let the door close on the person directly behind them.

When a line of cars is waiting to exit the freeway, that jerk who decides they're too important to wait and drives to the front of the line to merge.
posted by bendy at 6:41 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Loud motorcycles. I know, it's safer. But you CHOSE to drive a motorcycle, and I didn't choose to be DEAFENED while walking down the sidewalk.
posted by salvia at 6:41 PM on March 15, 2013

Oh! And can we, as a society, finally do something about people who refuse to wear deodorant at the gym? Especially yoga? Because maybe you've noticed but we spend a lot of class breathing deeply...
posted by Space Kitty at 6:43 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People whose car horns honk when locking, especially in an apartment complex, especially when its midnight and you just watched me carry my sleeping son past your stupid oversized novelty truck.

I know. I cannot figure out how to turn it off. I'm sorry.
posted by anderjen at 6:56 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Left lane hogging at 45 mph. What about "keep right except for passing" don't you get?

People who derail Internet forum discussions. (Not an issue on AskMeFi, but elsewhere.)

Wearing dark clothes while jogging on shoulder-less roads when it's dark. Serious safety hazard.

People who have to yell into their phone on the bus/library. This is a catch-22, since if one person yells, the one next to them must. (Then again, on the buses and libraries I utilize, cell phone use is always prohibited...but all cell phones have voicemail and text, right?)

And finally - spitting on sidewalks or public walkways. Gross.
posted by Seeking Direction at 6:58 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Via The Onion: Inconveniencing Others Makes Me Feel Alive
posted by anderjen at 7:04 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

The people who made their staff at that juice bar not able to let me use their bathroom for fear of being fired. I was 9 months pregnant. I needed to pee so bad. Staff person looked like she wanted to cry when she said no.

(Despite the irritating Venti/Tall coffee size names I will always thank starbucks for letting me run in their door, that day, jump queue, grab key from behind the clerk, and dash to the loo. And then everyone there for not hating me for being so rude afterward and being kind and sympathetic. And no one in there even touched my pregnant belly or said "is it quadruplets?").
posted by chapps at 7:28 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

People who answer an "A/B" question with "yes." Or, for that matter, "no." Yes (or no) to what?

I hear the Wilhelm Scream in my head when this happens.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:46 PM on March 15, 2013

Oh my God, a million times yes to what Patheral said about people who denigrate those who speak English as a second (or third, or fourth) language!
posted by WalkerWestridge at 8:14 PM on March 15, 2013

- Line jumpers. No, we're not doing anything specific just waiting here in a line with items to buy in our hands. Nope, go riiiight ahead and walk up to the register as soon as that person is done. Cashiers who allow line jumpers.
- People who suddenly change lanes without signaling, forcing me to stomp on my brakes in order not to ram them with my car.
- People who don't use a four way stop correctly.
- Strangers telling me to smile.
- Those who park across two spaces, or don't pull up all the way to the sign and thus remove a space. Parking is at a premium, how hard can it be to show some concern for your neighbors?
- Litterers. Especially people throwing cigarette butts out the car window on the highway, and the teenagers tossing 7-11 pizza slice cartons on the lawn in front of my apt building.
posted by gemmy at 8:22 PM on March 15, 2013

I know that they're just doing their job, but: people who work in stores and ask you, "Do you need help or are you just browsing?" and then don't actually leave you alone when you say, "Just browsing."

No kidding on this. I always wear my earbuds when I'm shopping, listening to music or podcasts. I also hate being forced into conversation - sometimes by multiple people - when I really just want to walk in, take a quick circle around the store and leave. You would think that a person wearing earbuds deters salespeople from bugging you. IT DOESN'T. They'll come up and talk to me anyway to ask me what I'm looking for today, making me either fumble to try to pause whatever I'm listening to or pulling one of my earbuds out so I can hear what they're saying and then tell them I'm just browsing don't need any help thanks. Just yesterday, I was in a store buying something and all of the above happened to me. Then when I went to the register to buy something I put away my earbuds (as I usually do when I go to the register) and was bombarded to a conversation I didn't want to have. Ffs, I just want to look or shop in peace. If I need something I will ask. I don't want to tell you how my day is going so far or if I'm buying this cardigan for a special occasion or, god forbid, unsolicited feedback on how cute my outfit looks (even if it clearly looks stupid) should I dare to step outside the dressing room to use the big mirror.

There are stores *coughwhitehouseblackmarketcough* that I refuse to go into anymore because just taking a quick look around is not worth the hassle of having to engage in a conversation with every salesperson whose path I cross. I know I could shop online, but I like walking around and browsing in stores while listening to my music. I just want to be left alone while I'm doing so.
posted by young sister beacon at 8:32 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Parents in public who ask strangers "could you please watch your language?" because you're swearing in the vicinity of their children.

People who smoke pot in public spaces (I live in Oregon).

Hair dressers who spend the entire cut/color trying to sell you "product."

People who use the word "product."

People in creative professions who call themselves "Creatives" or "A Creative."

"I'm not a racist/sexist/don't have anything against gay people BUT.........."

People who would rather give shitty, useless directions than say "I don't know."

People who intentionally park in such a way as to take up two spaces.

People who feel the need to tell their entire goddamn life story before asking a simple question:

"My mom was an alcoholic and she was in a car accident when I was a kid and I went to live with my grandmother who smelled like lavender, but she was really mean to me and now I hate the smell of lavender. But anyway so it's weird that I work with old people now because gran was so awful, but I like them. So I was at work the other day and I was helping this old man out of a chair and I slipped and hurt my back again. My first accident was just like my mom's, so that's like, crazy. I had to go back to the doctor and he gave me a prescription for tramadol, but when I hurt my back the first time I didn't like the tramadol at all and I'm scared to take anything stronger, so I think I'd better just take Advil. Do you where I could buy some Advil?"
posted by space_cookie at 9:09 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who, after complaining loudly, spray cheap perfume to "mask" said flatulence.

Oh, they should get the circle of hell next to the women in my office who insist on Lysol, Febreze, or other hideous "air freshener" because our bathroom is poorly ventilated. Here's news: it doesn't mask the bathroom smells AND it gives me a whopping headache because I don't do well with heavy chemical scents. Just hold a tissue over your nose while you're in there, do your business speedily and get OUT.
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:09 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

I know that they're just doing their job, but: people who work in stores and ask you, "Do you need help or are you just browsing?" and then don't actually leave you alone when you say, "Just browsing."

No kidding on this. I always wear my earbuds when I'm shopping, listening to music or podcasts. I also hate being forced into conversation - sometimes by multiple people - when I really just want to walk in, take a quick circle around the store and leave. You would think that a person wearing earbuds deters salespeople from bugging you. IT DOESN'T

Sadly, those of us who work as clerks get our derrieres handed to us if we DON'T harass you.
So let me add to the list bosses who insist we annoy the hades out of our customers. (At least in my case, 99 percent of them WANT me to lead them by the hand and tell you what to buy, but I am a 1 percenter too and feel your pain.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:14 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Tailgating. NEVER OK.
posted by Vorteks at 9:23 PM on March 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who talk on their cell phones in public bathrooms. The sound of my peeing should not be a part of anyone's conversation ever, thank you.
posted by elizeh at 10:10 PM on March 15, 2013

I'm polite and rather soft spoken. Some people take this as an invitation to try and cut me off mid-sentence, repeatedly, by talking over me. And then get annoyed when I continue speaking instead of allowing them to interrupt.

Also, some men explain things to me.

Some people at various places I've worked, who are not my bosses, who have a habit of casually telling me - they don't ask if I could, they tell me - to go to a website and click on this, that or the other thing because they want to explain to me something about it. (Which I did not ask them to explain.) Open your browser and look at it yourself instead of telling me what to do! Please! And don't look over my shoulder in Photoshop/InDesign/Illustrator/etc and point at things and tell me what to do. Go to your computer and do it yourself.
posted by citron at 11:03 PM on March 15, 2013

Per EmpressCallipygos, calling out "on your left" is a courtesy designed to help avoid bike on bike (or bike on person) collisions, since bikes are rather quiet. My biggest pet peeve is when people do not call out "on your left" when passing by on a bicycle. Those people are lucky they don't get run over by me, as biking in the city involves constant veering to the right and left to avoid potholes and opening car doors.

My second biggest pet peeve is when waiters take your plate of food away without asking if you are done, when there is obviously food left on the plate (and they have no other reason to rush me out.)
posted by emoemu at 11:13 PM on March 15, 2013

Attending a lecture and nodding vigorously at things the speaker is saying, as though the rest of the audience needs to know you approve.

In the same vein, attending a screening of a cult film and muttering famous lines right before they happen. You're at a packed screening of ARMY OF DARKNESS. We all know the "boom stick" line. None of us are impressed that you do too. Argh!
posted by brundlefly at 12:31 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

- People who don't pull up into the intersection when waiting to take a left turn. It's so inconsiderate to the cars behind you who also want to try to turn left on the same green light cycle.

- People who try to pass you from behind while you are still finishing a left turn and have not secured your lane yet.

- People who don't pull their car forward close to the car in front of them in a fast food restaurant drive-thru. It's so inconsiderate to the people behind you who could pull up to the menu to order if you just pulled forward a little bit more.

- People who park right in front of your company's front door in a business park when there are plenty of other spaces available in front of their own company's front door or in a neutral area away from the front doors.

- People who talk loudly on cell phones in public places.

- People who smoke outside but don't take care to make sure the smoke is not blowing right into other people's faces.

- People who try to do something at a retail counter before you even though you were clearly there first.

- People who engage a car alarm that has a loud confirmation honk while someone is standing right next to that car.

- People in a vehicle who follow pedestrians to a parking space in a busy parking lot or structure and think they now own that space even though you've been waiting right there for an open space much longer than the other person has even been in the lot or structure.

- People who honk in a traffic jam when honking serves absolutely no purpose except as a way to vent.

- People who impatiently speed and zigzag from the freeway entrance to the fastest lane as fast as they possibly can, as if saving a few seconds is so important that it's worth engaging in risky driving behavior.

- People who pee on public toilet seats and don't clean it up, and people who don't flush public toilets and don't wash their hands after using public toilets. Is it any wonder that some people don't want to touch the door handles when they exit?
posted by Dansaman at 5:26 AM on March 16, 2013

Walking through a revolving door and then stopping. No, really, I'll just circle around in the revolving door for a few minutes while you get your act together and get out of the way.
posted by workerant at 7:58 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]

That guy who jumps up the second the seatbelt sign is turned off, rushes a few rows ahead, and snatches his giant suitcase from the overhead bin while others are also getting themselves organised, all so he can get out two rows earlier.

Also that guy who is texting or talking about stocks, or the lady talking on the phone to her son with detail about the flight and their status at the gate, instead of getting organised to depart the plane, and then being all befuddled when it's their turn to file into the aisle.

The person who steps out of the plane and STOPS to readjust coats and phones and 7 million bags. You just made us all crash into you like dominoes.

That guy who refuses to turn off his blackberry when the plane is ready to leave. The assholes in first class who sit there with champagne and the Wall Street Journal while we file into the cattle room in the back.

Basically everyone on my plane.
posted by barnone at 8:32 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]

The people who insist on walking their dogs in the nicely landscaped grassy park area where people have picnics and naps on the grass, and children are running around, instead of the actual dog park right next door. Their dogs' pee has now burned dead yellow patches all over the formerly beautiful grass, and everyone has to watch out for fresh pee puddles and bits of poop that weren't cleanly picked up. Dog owners, there's a reason why the dog park area is fenced and covered with gravel instead of grass. Use it and let everyone else have pee and poop free enjoyment of the park. The whole world is not your dog's toilet.

Speaking of which, people who tote their dogs around in strollers. I will gladly give up my seat on the bus or train for a stroller with a human infant in it. I'm not fucking moving because you are under the delusion that your dog is a baby.

People who board a train and stop immediately after they get though the doors, which necessitates me ramming them out of the way so that other people can also get on and the doors don't slam shut on me. Likewise the people who hear the bus driver hollering to move all the way to the back so more people can get on, and deciding to ignore it so that everyone else is forced to squeeze past them in order to make room.

People who don't want small change back from the cashier, but don't get their change purses out until the total has been confirmed and then spend several minutes trying out different combinations of pennies, nickels, and dimes before settling on a permutation of payment that satisfies them. My best friend does this ("Here's a nickel and two dimes, oh wait! I think I have five pennies, one second... oh no I only have four pennies...hold on I'm still looking...yeah just four pennies. Here, take the nickel.") and it drives me insane.

People who stand in line behind you, touching you. The other day I had a lady bumping into me with every step forward I took. I wanted to turn around and tell her to relax already, no one is going to steal your spot in line by wedging into the half inch space between us when you're not looking.

People who let their dogs take up the whole elevator so that people are forced to squeeze into a corner if they don't want to be slobbered on or don't want fur getting on their clothes. Call your damn dog to sit politely next to you, it's not cute that "Rover just likes to say hi!" when he's running in circles around an elevator that people are trying to get into.
posted by keep it under cover at 9:56 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Cashiers who open a new line by shouting, "I can help the next person in line over here!" which inevitably results in the last people in line dashing on over. The proper way is to approach the person who is actually next in line and taking them to your till.
posted by keep it under cover at 10:03 AM on March 16, 2013

People who touch your tattoos/lift up your clothing to see your tattoos without so much as a hello, let alone asking.

People who are responsible for making men's bathrooms fucking disgusting. Seriously, flush the damn toilet. Aim. Clean up if you fail at aiming.

People who insist on the term "pet parent" and try to apply it to me. Just.. no.

People who don't get that a Q&A session with a famous speaker means ASK A FUCKING QUESTION and not: tell us your ridiculous theory, ask for an autograph/picture, tell us about your life, pimp your charity etc. QUESTION AND ANSWER. It's not rocket science.

People (strangers) who tell women to smile. This is more microaggression than peeve, but it drives me absolutely nuts to watch. Same with people who touch people of colour's hair without asking.
posted by buteo at 10:56 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

I love this thread! I appreciate that I'm not the only annoyed person out there in the world.

This actually IS illegal, but people who speed through the just-turned-red light make me crazy. Even more so those people who speed through long after the light has turned red. Many times, as a pedestrian, I've started walking on the green light and a car will speed through the intersection. Um, HELLO? Is getting through this light really worth possibly running someone over or crashing into another car? GOD THAT IRKS ME! I really frickin' hope there are cameras at those intersections.

YES to people who stop in the middle of a sidewalk. I truly think there are two groups of people in the world: those that are considerate of others and are thinking about others' wellbeing while going about their business, and those who aren't and don't.

People who weave all around the sidewalk while walking so you don't know which way to get around them.

People who talk loudly on the bus. They fall into that unconsiderate category. Goodness.

People who talk out loud to themselves in a public place (like a grocery store), but seemingly want a response. For example, a woman was searching for her favorite yogurt product and said out loud, "Oh no, where is it?! Oh whew, there it is" while reaching for it. Do you want me to congratulate you? Can't you just think those things to yourself?
posted by sucre at 11:48 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Men who make sexist, demeaning comments at work "as a joke".

People who answer "nothing" when something is clearly wrong. You don't have to tell me about it, but "I'd rather not talk about it" is much less manipulative.

People who bring their kids to the office, either to show them off or because childcare fell through.

Double-wide strollers in cities with single-wide sidewalks.

Neighbors who leave their shoes in the shared hallway for the rest of us to walk around.
posted by nadise at 1:29 PM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who ask "what's wrong?" when it is clearly not an appropriate time or its none of there business and press the issue after being told 'nothing'.
posted by HMSSM at 3:34 PM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]

Adults who, after being told that they cannot pet the service dog, try to touch him. Seriously, I know that his handler is blind, but everyone else can see you.
posted by catalytics at 6:42 PM on March 16, 2013

Cyclists who ride on unlit bikes in dark clothing at night in unlit areas. I really don't want to run over them.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 8:12 PM on March 16, 2013 [4 favorites]

Professors and TA's who wage a one-person war against grade inflation.
posted by obviousresistance at 12:10 AM on March 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

These folks have done some legwork:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATXV3DzKv68

Men who have no body awareness on public transport.

Drivers pulling out of the mid-city Whole Foods garage in their SUVs who don't check for pedestrians AT ALL in the crosswalk.
posted by batter_my_heart at 12:37 AM on March 17, 2013

People who yell things at you out the window of a car.
posted by kjs4 at 4:05 AM on March 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

The media's obsession with every timeline being expressed in DECADES !
It's 10 or 5 or 15 or 20 years not " more than a decade" " half a decade"
Cut that out !
posted by johnny7 at 5:23 AM on March 17, 2013

Customers who don't have a clue and then who blame me for not being able to help. I had a customer once who asked for a book with a green cover. Not just any book with a green cover, a specific book with a green cover. Unfortunately, that was all she knew about it. No author, no title, no information about the subject of the book, no idea whether it had recently been released or was one of the multitudes of books that had been printed ever. All she knew was that it had a green cover and got stroppy with me when I couldn't help her.

Customers who complain when I'm not right behind the counter waiting to serve them. Unfortunately, I'm not paid to stand about doing nothing. Occasionally, this means you'll have to wait the *literally 6 seconds* it takes me to walk from one side of the counter to another.

People who talk on their phones while I'm serving them. These days, I just stand still until they're done. I'm not about to be so ignorant as to interrupt a private conversation.

People who put their money on the counter. Especially, people who flick their credit/debit card onto the counter. You are closer to the machine than I am. It would be silly for it to be otherwise. If you knew how easy it is for me to clone your card, you'd never let it out of your sight. And yes, I can do it while you're stood in front of me.

People who look and act like shoplifters and then get huffy when they're followed round the store. If you visit a shop several times a week for several years and never buy anything, then we're going to assume you're stealing.

People who get huffy when I try to upsell. Believe me, it annoys me WAY more than it annoys you. I have to sell stuff to huffy people all day every day - you get it once in a while.

People who interrupt when I'm in the middle of serving someone at the counter. If I'm scanning some items into the till, and there's someone stood at the till, that's maybe a clue that I'm busy helping someone. The queue forms on the left. Join it. The most important customer in the shop is the one I'm dealing with.
posted by Solomon at 5:53 AM on March 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Even though I'm not big on grammar pundits, there are some things that get under my skin like the misuse of the word "vintage". A person labeled something as a "vintage wedding cake". Vintage (when not pertaining to wine) generally is a synonym for "antique". You can't have an antique wedding cake! Yeah, that makes me twitch.
posted by patheral at 4:35 PM on March 17, 2013

Saying to a power wheelchair user:

"Do you have a license for that thing?"

"Are you and your [also wheelchair using friend] having a drag race?"

As two wheelchair users move off after waiting for a green light
*pretends to do grand prix flags*
"Ready, set, go"

"Hey, watch the speed limit!"

(As you reverse carefully) "Beeep! Beeep! Beeep!" (imitating a reversing truck)

"Gee, that thing should come with a reversing beeper"

"What's your disability? You seem very intelligent and educated for a disabled person."

Here's a hint: wheelchair users have heard all of these 10,000 times. It wasn't funny the first time, but by the 10,000th time we secretly loathe you and judge you and want you to die in a fire.
posted by Year of meteors at 5:07 PM on March 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

People on public transport who blast doof doof music through their tinny headphones loud enough for everyone else to hear it.

DIE. JUST DIE. IN A FIRE.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:40 PM on March 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Pedestrians who cross against the light without checking for oncoming traffic first. I'm cool with jaywalking and do it myself, but I check for oncoming traffic. I get that sometimes it's hard to see, but sometimes people just wander out in traffic. I don't want to hit your stupid ass because you couldn't be bothered to look both ways.

Double points for those who get halfway across, watch the light change to green for oncoming traffic, and then stop to take pictures. Triple points for getting pissed at my honking at your stupid move.
posted by wiskunde at 7:31 PM on March 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who never, EVAR shovel the show off their sidewalks. Sure, it will probably get sunny and the snow will melt in a few days, but NOT IF YOU DRIVE OVER IT FIRST AND PACK IT ALL TO ICE. And until the sun (or, I dunno, the magic snow-clearing fairies) melts things, I and my dog have to navigate the packed snow and ice on the inclined part of your driveway apron where it crosses the sidewalk. And for the love of Mike, if your sidewalk faces north and never gets direct sunlight, that nasty, icy mess WILL BE THERE UNTIL APRIL. Giant house on the corner with the TWO TEENAGED BOYS AND THE U-SHAPED DRIVE (two entrances to navigate), I'M LOOKING AT YOU.

I am full of grar, apparently.
posted by mon-ma-tron at 8:38 PM on March 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

People who place large orders in fast food drive-throughs at rush times. If you're ordering for the office or for the family reunion, go inside. There, at least, others can place their orders while they prepare yours. If you sit in your car, then everyone in line behind you has to wait extra. That and, since you are just one car, they have no visual clue that the line is really lots "longer" than it really is.
posted by cross_impact at 10:43 AM on March 18, 2013

Women in bars who yell, "WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" every other minute. They screech when a new song comes on, when a new round of drinks arrive, when someone at their table comes back from the bathroom, when someone dabs their lips with a napkin, when the second hand inches forward on the clock, when someone blinks...

I want to hurl a cannonball at the heads of these women.
posted by _Mona_ at 10:58 AM on March 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Playing music from your car so loud that the base/percussion is audible a quarter mile away. Especially if you're driving through a residential neighborhood. And even more especially at night.
posted by Vorteks at 11:04 AM on March 19, 2013

People who say "I could care less" instead of "I couldn't care less".
posted by Dansaman at 5:36 PM on March 19, 2013

Stereotyping based on appearance. Examples: "I'll make an exception for you because you look like a nice person." How could they know? They just met me. I might be there to see how many of their pet peeves I could hit at once. "They look and act like a thief." Judge people on their actions, sure. But what does a thief look like?

Also, putting a new roll of toilet paper in but not starting it. Then I have to spend a minute searching for the opening when I could really use the toilet paper already.
posted by aniola at 9:52 AM on March 21, 2013

And speaking of toilet paper - people who put the toilet paper on the holder the wrong way around.

I know better than to declare which way is "right" and which is "wrong", and instead say that the wrong way is "whichever way you personally don't like".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:56 AM on March 21, 2013