men are from mars, women are from venus
December 5, 2012 12:15 PM   Subscribe

"Only men need to be loved, women need to be wanted." True or false?

This was a line from a recent episode of a popular TV show. Even though I think the line is inconsequential to the plot line, I've omitted all other details out of respect for those who hate spoilers.

Taken out of the context of the TV show, do you believe that there is a degree of truth, albeit unfair/sexist/outdated truth, to that sentiment? What does that line mean to you?

I am asking because, for some reason, that line resonated with me as possibly true. I have been going through relationship turmoil, and I am trying to figure out what my needs are and what my partner's needs are, and some of our conflicts seem to follow the stereotypical "guy vs. girl" ways of communicating, dealing, feeling, etc.

Yes, I know it's just a TV show.
posted by wutangclan to Human Relations (14 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Without a clearer think you're trying to accomplish here, this sort of "respond to this quote out of context" thing isn't really workable for Ask Metafilter. -- cortex

posted by lia at 12:16 PM on December 5, 2012

Of course it's not true. How could it be true for every single person, regardless of their culture and upbringing? How could it be true in spite of different definitions of "love" and "want" across families and cultures and history?

I know guys who talk easily about their feelings and women who don't.
posted by rtha at 12:18 PM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

This stuff disqualifies itself by its binary shortness. Paradoxically, life's too short for seriously considering this sort of statement.
Also: false.
posted by Namlit at 12:19 PM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

What? No.
posted by yellowbinder at 12:19 PM on December 5, 2012

False. People express and receive love in different ways. Way, way too broad a brush.
posted by ambrosia at 12:20 PM on December 5, 2012

The phrase may well resonate because it says something about your particular relationship. I can assure you that it's not even remotely close to being a universal truth.
posted by pipeski at 12:20 PM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

False, trying to guess people's emotional state/character/desires based on your perception of their gender is bound to fail and may lead you to engage in the activities of a jackass.
posted by Matt Oneiros at 12:20 PM on December 5, 2012

This applies to some, but I recommend to avoid them anyway.
Once you have your filters set up properly, not a concern any more.

True in general for all people? Ridiculously obviously not.
posted by Triton at 12:20 PM on December 5, 2012

"Only men need ..., women need ..."

posted by griphus at 12:22 PM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

False, false, false, false.

Sorry you're going through turmoil and hope you find yourself in a more balanced, comfortable place on your path soon.
posted by batmonkey at 12:23 PM on December 5, 2012

"only a sith deals in absolutes"
-dan savage
posted by MangyCarface at 12:25 PM on December 5, 2012

Wait, what?

How are "love" and "want" differentiated?

I guess "men don't worry about being 'wanted' because they assume that they are desirable because patriarchy, whereas women constantly feel inadequate because patriarchy, therefore women worry more about whether they are wanted sexually than men do" is probably true in a weak form. But I'm not sure where love comes in.
posted by Frowner at 12:26 PM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

My dad is a pastor who offers something like the opposite advice in his marriage counselling sessions, although a little less absolutist. Neither your quote nor my dad's idea correspond to reality in a universal sense, no.
posted by Coatlicue at 12:27 PM on December 5, 2012

I too watch the TV show in question. I say false. The line really struck me as odd.
posted by signondiego at 12:27 PM on December 5, 2012

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