Why are condoms suddenly causing me problems?
November 16, 2012 6:47 AM Subscribe
Condomfilter - what's going on?
Over the past 2 years or so, it's become increasingly difficult for me to have PIV sex with a condom. For a while it was just that I couldn't come to orgasm while wearing one; NBD really, but in the past several months it's gotten to the point where when I put one on, I have about 5-10 minutes before my little soldier deflates regardless of how turned on I am. I know the issue: I can't feel anything. The problem has actually resulted in two different otherwise promising potential relationships fizzling out.
I use Crown Skinless Skin condoms and those have done me right for years (if I use a typical brand like Trojan, I feel absolutely nothing at all) but even with those, I'm still having problems.
I'm 38, and the thought has occurred to me that I'm just getting old, but I'm wondering if there's something else going on, if it's all in my mind, or if anyone has any tips or suggestions for a better condom.
Over the past 2 years or so, it's become increasingly difficult for me to have PIV sex with a condom. For a while it was just that I couldn't come to orgasm while wearing one; NBD really, but in the past several months it's gotten to the point where when I put one on, I have about 5-10 minutes before my little soldier deflates regardless of how turned on I am. I know the issue: I can't feel anything. The problem has actually resulted in two different otherwise promising potential relationships fizzling out.
I use Crown Skinless Skin condoms and those have done me right for years (if I use a typical brand like Trojan, I feel absolutely nothing at all) but even with those, I'm still having problems.
I'm 38, and the thought has occurred to me that I'm just getting old, but I'm wondering if there's something else going on, if it's all in my mind, or if anyone has any tips or suggestions for a better condom.
The advice I've heard given is to try masturbating exclusively with a condom, so you train yourself to respond to the diminished sensation.
Have you verified that this is a condom problem-- i.e., are you sure the PIV routine is up and running even without condoms?
posted by Bardolph at 6:53 AM on November 16, 2012
Have you verified that this is a condom problem-- i.e., are you sure the PIV routine is up and running even without condoms?
posted by Bardolph at 6:53 AM on November 16, 2012
I don't think you can really do a control like that Bardolph, unless one has a spare tester vagina lying around.
OP, You could add a bit of lube for you inside the condom.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:03 AM on November 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
OP, You could add a bit of lube for you inside the condom.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:03 AM on November 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
Make an appointment with your provider, if only because men in your age group are an underserved preventative health population who don't receive enough well health visits, and you're likely due for one anyway. Mention your problem so you can rule out hormonal or vascular problems so that it's not a worry.
Get a variety of different condoms to experiment masturbating with--sometimes you just need strange (according to my partner) when it comes to condoms. Try putting a drop of lubricant on the inside as well as the outside.
Start your next encounter by requesting if after she's gotten hers, if you can pull out and mutually masturbate/come on yourself/69/use toys because you feel like it would be hot (particularly if you both would think so). This takes coming with PIV off the table from the beginning so if it is a bit of a psychological block you're working with that by communicating.
posted by rumposinc at 7:09 AM on November 16, 2012
Get a variety of different condoms to experiment masturbating with--sometimes you just need strange (according to my partner) when it comes to condoms. Try putting a drop of lubricant on the inside as well as the outside.
Start your next encounter by requesting if after she's gotten hers, if you can pull out and mutually masturbate/come on yourself/69/use toys because you feel like it would be hot (particularly if you both would think so). This takes coming with PIV off the table from the beginning so if it is a bit of a psychological block you're working with that by communicating.
posted by rumposinc at 7:09 AM on November 16, 2012
...a friend of mine solved this problem by switching to XL condoms. Worth a try, good luck!
posted by violinflu at 7:53 AM on November 16, 2012
posted by violinflu at 7:53 AM on November 16, 2012
If the glove doesn't fit, it might constrict.
Too tight can cause what you describe.
posted by caddis at 7:57 AM on November 16, 2012 [5 favorites]
Too tight can cause what you describe.
posted by caddis at 7:57 AM on November 16, 2012 [5 favorites]
Try different brands. They all fit and feel a little differently. Just because the box says "extra sensation" doesn't mean it's a sensation you'll like.
posted by gjc at 8:01 AM on November 16, 2012
posted by gjc at 8:01 AM on November 16, 2012
+1 to caddis. You may be getting inadequate bloodflow due to constriction from a tight condom, which would decrease sensation, and give your body a reason to...er, remedy the size problem.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:07 AM on November 16, 2012
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:07 AM on November 16, 2012
A few things:
A drop or two of lube in the condom makes a good difference
Yup, Kimono microthins are much better than most
Avanti polyurethane condoms are much different than latex in that they transmit much more heat than latex, but they are also a little easier to break.
posted by plinth at 8:07 AM on November 16, 2012
A drop or two of lube in the condom makes a good difference
Yup, Kimono microthins are much better than most
Avanti polyurethane condoms are much different than latex in that they transmit much more heat than latex, but they are also a little easier to break.
posted by plinth at 8:07 AM on November 16, 2012
OP, You could add a bit of lube for you inside the condom.
Be careful if you try this. The condom can be pulled off of you when she climaxes and, ahem, things tighten up - it does increase sensation though.
I'm surprised nobody has suggested a cockring yet. Might be worth a shot.
Also, I don't know what your masturbation routine is like, but if you don't regularly fantasize without external aids (porn), give it a shot and start constructing fantasies around what turns you on the most. You may learn some things about your sexuality that can be incorporated into your non-solo sex that would increase arousal and help you overcome the sensory-deprivation-glove.
posted by Th!nk at 9:47 AM on November 16, 2012
Be careful if you try this. The condom can be pulled off of you when she climaxes and, ahem, things tighten up - it does increase sensation though.
I'm surprised nobody has suggested a cockring yet. Might be worth a shot.
Also, I don't know what your masturbation routine is like, but if you don't regularly fantasize without external aids (porn), give it a shot and start constructing fantasies around what turns you on the most. You may learn some things about your sexuality that can be incorporated into your non-solo sex that would increase arousal and help you overcome the sensory-deprivation-glove.
posted by Th!nk at 9:47 AM on November 16, 2012
I had to google PIV Sex to answer this question. Buy an assortment of brands. Ask gal to blindfold you. Each brand gets 7 thrusts or if she is multiple, change condom every orgasm. Either you will find one that is a better fit/feel or the novelty of being blindfolded and product tested on will lead to a renewed interest in activities. You may also want to have your testosterone levels tested and only have sex with a woman that you are totally, completely in lust with.
Also, if you aren't completely relaxed and comfortable you may not be able to finish and that is okay. It happens to everyone sometimes.
posted by myselfasme at 12:17 PM on November 16, 2012
Also, if you aren't completely relaxed and comfortable you may not be able to finish and that is okay. It happens to everyone sometimes.
posted by myselfasme at 12:17 PM on November 16, 2012
It's not the condoms. It's the way you masturbate. Let's just say, your little soldier is used to fighting a much more aggressive war. Here's an easy way to check: Go masturbate... but stop halfway through and ask "Could ANY vagina possibly do that?"
I have no idea how long it'll take, but, change your routine and you'll hopefully get the results you're looking for. I'd bet it'll take a while since you need to change the feeling you're used to for reaching an orgasm by yourself.
posted by 2oh1 at 1:31 PM on November 16, 2012
I have no idea how long it'll take, but, change your routine and you'll hopefully get the results you're looking for. I'd bet it'll take a while since you need to change the feeling you're used to for reaching an orgasm by yourself.
posted by 2oh1 at 1:31 PM on November 16, 2012
OP, You could add a bit of lube for you inside the condom.
Be careful if you try this. The condom can be pulled off of you when she climaxes and, ahem, things tighten up - it does increase sensation though.
Agree. It's not fun to go post-coital-fishing. It's worth a try, but I personally don't care for it. Instead of the nice sensations transmitting through the material, you are playing slip-n-slide inside the condom.
Also- if you are taking any anti-histamine drugs, this can have an effect. Including the anti-acid drugs like this.
posted by gjc at 3:09 PM on November 16, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by zephyr_words at 6:53 AM on November 16, 2012