Treats for new dad?
November 15, 2012 6:15 AM   Subscribe

Going into the hospital on Monday to have twins. What can my MIL bring to my husband during our stay?

She wants to be sure he's taken care of as most of the focus will be on me and the babies. She'll bring his favorite coffee and jelly beans but I'm at a loss as to what else to suggest. I doubt he'll have much down time as he'll either be sleeping, going to get food for himself/eating, and helping me with the babies, so cards, books, etc. won't be needed. Dads, what were the things you got that you liked most or were the most helpful?
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér to Grab Bag (20 answers total)
I think taking things off his mind might be the most help, going and getting the car, cleaning your kitchen, doing errands so he doesn't have to, calling family members with the good news.

Speaking only for myself, being in the hospital with my wife was wonderful but the mom is really working an order of magnitude harder than the dad. I don't really recall needing anything other than peace of mind.
posted by shothotbot at 6:31 AM on November 15, 2012

Wow. Best MIL ever. I would say food, food, food. Hospital food is awful (or at least it was when our daughter was born years ago), and with a brand new baby it is hard to find a minute to just go down to the cafeteria.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:33 AM on November 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm sure he won't really *need* much but she wants to pamper him if she can. She'll be housesitting for us and taking care of our pets, so that will be a huge help. She just wants some ideas for some nice treats she can bring him when she visits us.
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér at 6:33 AM on November 15, 2012

Yeah, it was basically food that we/I needed. The post-delivery room is pretty hermetic, and there really isn't time to do much except the basics (especially with twins!). I was honestly up doing things more than my wife was, because I was frequently taking care of the boy while she slept, if she wasn't feeding him. I didn't have time for anything but that, going to get coffee in the lobby, and going to get food at the cafeteria. Anything that wasn't immediately consumable like that would have just made me feel guilty that someone had gone to the trouble and I was unable to do it justice.
posted by OmieWise at 6:49 AM on November 15, 2012

She should ask him what he'd like.
posted by Dolley at 6:51 AM on November 15, 2012 [2 favorites]

Definitely food. Delicious, nourish, good quality food. My SO was delighted when some friends stopped by and brought him some french bread, and good quality cheeses etc. Basically a small gourmet picnic. He'd been running out to get himself food, and usually ended up with crappy fast food.
posted by Joh at 6:53 AM on November 15, 2012 [3 favorites]

Healthy snacks and premade meals. Good dark chocolate. Doesn't this really depend on what kind of treats he likes?
posted by J. Wilson at 6:54 AM on November 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

Batteries/chargers/etc. for your phones and cameras and various electronics. It's an easy thing to overlook.
posted by punchtothehead at 7:07 AM on November 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

A cozy blanket for naps in the uncomfortable chairs all hospitals seem to have!
posted by maxg94 at 7:12 AM on November 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

food (enough for you both to share please.) banana or pumpkin bread, etc. Find out if there's a fridge on the maternity floor for families' use - there was in mine - then she can bring all kinds of things.

shaving things.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:13 AM on November 15, 2012

Your MIL is a gem. Twins, how exciting!

I think the best thing MIL can do is to bring the comforts of home, as you both need them. I'm really picky about my pillow and I travel everywhere with my soba pillow. Clean clothes (there's probably a shower in your room), toiletries, etc. A favorite afghan.

posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:14 AM on November 15, 2012

If there's anything at home that needs to be done, she should do it so that you will not have to when you get home. For the next few years, at least, you will be probably be more short on time than stuff. If there's any cleaning, organizing, errand-running, light-bulb changing, crib-assembly, etc. that you can think of, ask her to do it before the whirlwind of chaos starts. Perhaps she could cook and freeze some dinners. And congratulations, and good luck!
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 7:31 AM on November 15, 2012 [2 favorites]

I asked mrgood, and he loved that my MIL stayed with me for an couple of hours so he could go home and walk the dog; send some emails; do one last "nervous check" for things we'd forgotten; shower and shave; have a bourbon and a cigar with his best friend on the front porch; and savour the experience of one last bit of normalcy before our "new normal" arrived. It really helped him to get his head together and he didn't know he needed that until he looked back and saw how valuable it was.
posted by peagood at 7:37 AM on November 15, 2012 [7 favorites]

I suppose this is an interesting twist on helping a family prepare for their babies. So nice that grandma wants to make sure her son doesn't get overlooked in the excitement. I really can't think of anything special just-for-him that shouldn't also be a benefit for you. She should support the family the way she is doing so that he can better support you. You are going to be wiped out and need all the support you can get. Treats for him should be shared by you. This is a life-changing event and twins are a big deal. Any cigar smoking with his buddies should probably be done now. And his buddies can help out, too, when the babies arrive.

I think the best thing she can do is be present and respond to needs to the best she is able and also to fade away and let you two be parents. Being present with you while he takes a shower or a nap is the way she can "pamper" him while helping you. Honestly, I was surprised how often the focus was not on me when my baby arrived and I should have been better about asking for help. It's a tough time all around and I think her support is all that is needed. She'll see what needs to be done in the moment.

And, yeah, she should ask her son what he wants his special treats to be and maybe talk to him about what kind of special treats you would like.
posted by amanda at 8:03 AM on November 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

Her desire to surprise him with stuff outweighs the common sense approach of asking him what he wants, hence me posting here. Sounds like food is the way to go though.
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér at 8:04 AM on November 15, 2012

posted by Sunburnt at 8:14 AM on November 15, 2012

I recommend a neck pillow.

When we had my son in a hospital, the guest chair kinda folded out in a bed, but it really was still like the crappy couch of your college friend's first apartment. My husband slept on that thing for four nights.

A neck pillow or any type of comfortable travel pillow and a warm blanket or two that can easily be folded up will make a huge difference for your husband.

I also recommend that she do anything that needs doing at your house or stay with you while your husband does anything that needs doing at your house.

One HUGE thing she could do for the both of you is to stock your refrigerator and freezer so neither of you has to cook for two or three weeks or for her to give you gift cards to take our places or something like so you can order food once you are home. It's hard enough to do that with one, I don't think I can fathom how you do it with TWINS!
posted by zizzle at 10:09 AM on November 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

My parents were awesome at bringing us really good food and good beer and wine into the hospital so we could really celebrate. Best beers and burgers of my life!
posted by purenitrous at 1:41 PM on November 15, 2012

Oh, another thing. Our friend who is a doula and was there at our births took a bunch of pics and by the next day had them printed and in an album for my husband. This was so wonderful-he was able to take them to work, etc (though a coworker did gently point out that perhaps I didn't want his coworkers seeing first breast feeding pics with nipple exposed)-and we have them still-our kids love to look at them.
posted by purenitrous at 1:44 PM on November 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

posted by Dean King at 9:58 AM on November 16, 2012

« Older Can an exempt employee be required to take unpaid...   |   Blood of nightingales Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.