Do most men fear cooking naked?
June 15, 2012 9:25 AM Subscribe
Do most men fear cooking naked?
During a recent discussion about naked cooking, someone admitted he was reluctant to do so due to a phobia of having his exposed penis in close proximity to hot pans, boiling water, spattering oil, etc. This led to in turn to a conversation about whether this was a fear shared by many men or unique to this individual. We turn to the wisdom of Ask Metafilter to determine the answer. What say you?
During a recent discussion about naked cooking, someone admitted he was reluctant to do so due to a phobia of having his exposed penis in close proximity to hot pans, boiling water, spattering oil, etc. This led to in turn to a conversation about whether this was a fear shared by many men or unique to this individual. We turn to the wisdom of Ask Metafilter to determine the answer. What say you?
I would wager most men don't fear it because most men don't think about it. The number of instances where most men would have the opportunity, motive, and facilities to cook naked are relatively few and far between.
posted by cosmicbandito at 9:28 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by cosmicbandito at 9:28 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
Yes.
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:29 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:29 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I can honestly say I have a genuine fear of cooking naked. I cooked bacon in the nude exactly once. Exactly once and never again.
posted by griphus at 9:29 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by griphus at 9:29 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
On the other hand, I'm quite happy to make a sandwich or toss a salad naked.
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2012 [21 favorites]
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2012 [21 favorites]
I don't ever cook naked, because I have a fear of spilling sauce on my highly sensitive skin. And I am penis-free.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I guess I don't desire to cook naked for the same reason I don't desire the guy cooking my food in a restaurant to be naked.
posted by TheRedArmy at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2012 [19 favorites]
posted by TheRedArmy at 9:31 AM on June 15, 2012 [19 favorites]
I do think there's a difference between a phobia and a legitimate concern.
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 9:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 9:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [11 favorites]
I am female and I wouldn't cook naked. No one wants to get burned anywhere on their body. I don't think it's limited to genitals.
posted by amro at 9:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by amro at 9:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
I would think that any reasonable person would, if not fear cooking naked, then wisely decide not to cook naked?
posted by advil at 9:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by advil at 9:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Serious question: how many women have a thing for cooking naked? I mean I've heard a very few women talk about it but they also tend to be the "I generally like being around the house naked" type people. Which I feel is not a majority. So is there really a thing with men specifically disliking cooking naked?
Female. Why on Earth would I want to cook naked? Yeah, boiling water, spattering oil, and also, just... why???
posted by olinerd at 9:33 AM on June 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Female. Why on Earth would I want to cook naked? Yeah, boiling water, spattering oil, and also, just... why???
posted by olinerd at 9:33 AM on June 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
More anecdotal evidence, but I dislike cooking and also spending extended periods of time unclothed. The two make a bad combination for me. I am male.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 9:33 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 9:33 AM on June 15, 2012
Does anyone cook naked?
posted by MangyCarface at 9:34 AM on June 15, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by MangyCarface at 9:34 AM on June 15, 2012 [6 favorites]
I have discovered the secret to cooking bacon naked: sheet pan in the oven. (Also, it makes better bacon.)
I would not fry or sauté anything, or risk boiling water splashing, but I think scrambled eggs (because low heat makes better eggs) would be fine, or baking. But then my junk isn't at countertop/stovetop level, which I imagine would be a game-changer.
posted by supercres at 9:35 AM on June 15, 2012
I would not fry or sauté anything, or risk boiling water splashing, but I think scrambled eggs (because low heat makes better eggs) would be fine, or baking. But then my junk isn't at countertop/stovetop level, which I imagine would be a game-changer.
posted by supercres at 9:35 AM on June 15, 2012
Most men? Almost certainly not. Concern, perhaps, but nothing approaching phobia levels.
Personally, I had never given any thought whatsoever to the concept of cooking naked. But now that I have (thanks, subby), it does not frighten me in the least. Except perhaps anything involving boiling oil, which also scares me clothed, but I'm pretty sure that's rational and not a phobia.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9:35 AM on June 15, 2012
Personally, I had never given any thought whatsoever to the concept of cooking naked. But now that I have (thanks, subby), it does not frighten me in the least. Except perhaps anything involving boiling oil, which also scares me clothed, but I'm pretty sure that's rational and not a phobia.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9:35 AM on June 15, 2012
I have cooked naked before, on multiple occasions. Sometimes it's hot in the kitchen. Sometimes clothes are annoying. Whatever. I think the fear depends on what it is you're cooking. Almond poppyseed muffins? Probably not scary. Chicken stir-fry with hot peanut oil? I'm putting clothes on.
posted by DulcineaX at 9:35 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by DulcineaX at 9:35 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
my husband looooves to cook and he loooves to be naked, but he does not cook naked. he does a lot of pan frying and high-heat cooking and he's fond of his genitals!
posted by supermedusa at 9:36 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by supermedusa at 9:36 AM on June 15, 2012
Should have noted: I am female, but I agree that this is pretty gender-neutral. We all have delicate fiddly bits.
posted by DulcineaX at 9:36 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by DulcineaX at 9:36 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
I don't cook naked, but that's less down to burns (put a spatter guard on that pan of bacon, kids!) and more due to the windows in the kitchen which let me wave at neighbors and interested police officers.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:37 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:37 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
I hadn't ever considered the idea, but winced when I read your question. I have made a sandwhich naked, but would never use the oven, stove, or grill when naked.
posted by Area Man at 9:37 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by Area Man at 9:37 AM on June 15, 2012
I'll make a sandwich naked. I may even bake naked. But once hot oil comes into the equation, clothes are mandatory.
I don't regard this as a phobia, any more than "refusing to play full-contact American football without pads" is a phobia.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:40 AM on June 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
I don't regard this as a phobia, any more than "refusing to play full-contact American football without pads" is a phobia.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:40 AM on June 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
It's important to keep in mind that 'phobia' generally means an irrational fear. "Spraying hot oil with exposed genitals" is a very rational consideration.
posted by Tomorrowful at 9:41 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Tomorrowful at 9:41 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'm a person with girlybits. I've cooked in various stages of undress and never fail to get splattered in unhappy places with hot oil. At which my husband always sadly shakes his head. I don't think he's afraid of it--I just think he's seen enough to know it's a terrible idea.
Which it is, but I always forget.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:41 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Which it is, but I always forget.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:41 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't know if it's a legitimate fear, as in a phobia. It's not as if I am afraid I will accidentally start cooking while naked and have no recourse but to continue.
posted by emelenjr at 9:41 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by emelenjr at 9:41 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Does anyone cook naked?
Jamie Oliver.
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:43 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Jamie Oliver.
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:43 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am male and cook naked.
It's not a problem to simply wrap your penis around a leg, which shields it from harm, I'm sure other guys do this. The rest of my skin has been toughen by the years of fluorescent lighting and laughs at splattering bacon grease.
I am man. Hear me grill.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:43 AM on June 15, 2012 [10 favorites]
It's not a problem to simply wrap your penis around a leg, which shields it from harm, I'm sure other guys do this. The rest of my skin has been toughen by the years of fluorescent lighting and laughs at splattering bacon grease.
I am man. Hear me grill.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:43 AM on June 15, 2012 [10 favorites]
This sounds both over-general ("most men fear") and over-specific ("phobia of having his exposed penis").
But I have cooked many times in the past while not completely dressed, and gotten some nasty splash burns from it (on my chest and stomach). These days I always put on tops and bottoms before cooking. So I would say (1) this is a perfectly reasonable safety policy, not a "phobia," and (2) there's no reason it should be man- or penis-specific.
Honestly if you've been burned by hot grease I can't imagine you asking this question.
posted by grobstein at 9:46 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
But I have cooked many times in the past while not completely dressed, and gotten some nasty splash burns from it (on my chest and stomach). These days I always put on tops and bottoms before cooking. So I would say (1) this is a perfectly reasonable safety policy, not a "phobia," and (2) there's no reason it should be man- or penis-specific.
Honestly if you've been burned by hot grease I can't imagine you asking this question.
posted by grobstein at 9:46 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
The correct way to cook "naked" is to wear an apron with nothing underneath. I'm amazed that people don't think of this! Apron =/= clothing.
posted by two lights above the sea at 9:47 AM on June 15, 2012 [10 favorites]
posted by two lights above the sea at 9:47 AM on June 15, 2012 [10 favorites]
Jamie Oliver
Does he cook bacon, though? I thought he swore off unhealthy food.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:47 AM on June 15, 2012
Does he cook bacon, though? I thought he swore off unhealthy food.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:47 AM on June 15, 2012
Apron alone is still too nekkid for me to feel comfortable about cooking, at least any cooking that involves frying or (the worst) making tomato sauce.
Tomato sauce has some kind of vendetta against me, let me tell you. I think it's revenging itself for my grandmother's "Italian Spaghetti," which was spaghetti boiled in water that had a cup of milk in it ( o_O ) with a can of stewed tomatoes poured over it.
She also ate baked-bean sandwiches, but that's a Lovecraftian horror for another thread.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:50 AM on June 15, 2012
Tomato sauce has some kind of vendetta against me, let me tell you. I think it's revenging itself for my grandmother's "Italian Spaghetti," which was spaghetti boiled in water that had a cup of milk in it ( o_O ) with a can of stewed tomatoes poured over it.
She also ate baked-bean sandwiches, but that's a Lovecraftian horror for another thread.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:50 AM on June 15, 2012
I don't think I've ever cooked naked. I don't have a fear of it but it strikes me as something that might not be the best idea. I suppose if I had the sort of wife who would like to be served a gourmet dinner by a naked husband I might give it a shot, but I don't have that sort of wife. (this is probably a Good Thing)
Recently we had a party over my house and my brother, a former professional cook, saw me taking stuff out of the oven in shorts and bare feet. He was pretty appalled. As far as he was concerned I might as well have been juggling sushi knives.
posted by bondcliff at 9:50 AM on June 15, 2012
Recently we had a party over my house and my brother, a former professional cook, saw me taking stuff out of the oven in shorts and bare feet. He was pretty appalled. As far as he was concerned I might as well have been juggling sushi knives.
posted by bondcliff at 9:50 AM on June 15, 2012
Cook... naked? O_o I think not. Laundry naked, yes. Clean naked, yes. But get around splattering grease and hot water with my wobbly bits exposed? Uh, no.
And I'm female. Can't really ask my SO though he does quite a few things naked -- he just doesn't cook to speak of.
posted by patheral at 9:51 AM on June 15, 2012
And I'm female. Can't really ask my SO though he does quite a few things naked -- he just doesn't cook to speak of.
posted by patheral at 9:51 AM on June 15, 2012
I'll stagger drunkenly back into a hotel room, take off my clothes, realize that I'm hungry, remember I left half a sandwich in the mini fridge as against precisely this eventuality, and wolf it down giggling, naked. That's as close as I'm going to get to cooking naked. Penis comes later; not my own. Is that on point?
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:53 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:53 AM on June 15, 2012
Does he cook bacon, though? I thought he swore off unhealthy food.
Nothing unhealthy about bacon, in my book. And I'd be surprised if Jamie Oliver didn't eat it.
I'm a woman, but I'd not cook naked either -- especially when hot oil is involved. Too many little burns over the years, I don't want any more of my skin exposed than necessary.
posted by peacheater at 9:54 AM on June 15, 2012
Nothing unhealthy about bacon, in my book. And I'd be surprised if Jamie Oliver didn't eat it.
I'm a woman, but I'd not cook naked either -- especially when hot oil is involved. Too many little burns over the years, I don't want any more of my skin exposed than necessary.
posted by peacheater at 9:54 AM on June 15, 2012
One time I was cookin bacon and realized that I was getting spots of oil on my shirt. So naturally I decided that the best solution would be to take off my shirt. That solution was short-lived.
I do many things naked, but cooking is not among them.
posted by ook at 9:56 AM on June 15, 2012
I do many things naked, but cooking is not among them.
posted by ook at 9:56 AM on June 15, 2012
Why on Earth would I want to cook naked?
Because you slept naked and your desire for breakfast is greater than your desire to shower and dress.
posted by the latin mouse at 9:57 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
Because you slept naked and your desire for breakfast is greater than your desire to shower and dress.
posted by the latin mouse at 9:57 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
I wouldn't say I have a fear of cooking naked. It's more of a "this will not end well" common-sense response.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:57 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 9:57 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
As a lady who can generally be found lounging about the house naked, I will always ALWAYS put clothes on (or at least a bathrobe!) before crossing the kitchen threshold. As I think all smart people ought to.
The scar on my right nipple ought to explain why.
posted by mollymayhem at 9:58 AM on June 15, 2012
The scar on my right nipple ought to explain why.
posted by mollymayhem at 9:58 AM on June 15, 2012
I'm a lady and am vaguely horrified by the notion of even being in the kitchen naked.
Seriously, I'll throw something on to go rooting around the cupboards for crackers to eat in bed.
Cooking? Oh hell no. What if hot oil spatters on me or something? This is not a fear that is penis-related in my experience. Even if we're not talking about heat, the notion of getting bits of diced onion or garlic on myself is gross. Also, what if pubes somehow ended up in the food? My imagination can go crazy with reasons cooking naked is an icky idea.
posted by Sara C. at 10:05 AM on June 15, 2012
Seriously, I'll throw something on to go rooting around the cupboards for crackers to eat in bed.
Cooking? Oh hell no. What if hot oil spatters on me or something? This is not a fear that is penis-related in my experience. Even if we're not talking about heat, the notion of getting bits of diced onion or garlic on myself is gross. Also, what if pubes somehow ended up in the food? My imagination can go crazy with reasons cooking naked is an icky idea.
posted by Sara C. at 10:05 AM on June 15, 2012
I have no fear of grease splattering on my junk anymore than I have a fear of grease splattering on my arms.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:06 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:06 AM on June 15, 2012
This man doesn't, and also wonders why it would be any different for man or woman. I do many, many things naked.
posted by dozo at 10:06 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by dozo at 10:06 AM on June 15, 2012
Also, I don't know about you guys, but my counters and stove are above my waist, not below my genitals.
So cooking shirtless = functionally the same as cooking naked.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:07 AM on June 15, 2012
So cooking shirtless = functionally the same as cooking naked.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:07 AM on June 15, 2012
I have a bit of an irrational fear of being naked and cooking. Bacon is an entirely rational fear of splattering and burning and awfulness. I have something different from that. I just can't cook naked because... what if... ?
- What if I accidentally cut my penis off instead of slicing this mango?
- What if I accidentally grate my penis instead of this cheese?
- What if I slam it in the fridge when grabbing those strawberries?
I mean: the list of awful things that COULD BUT ALMOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT HAPPEN TO MY PENIS is endless. And I ruminate on them all. I overthink this very dangerous plate of frank and beans.
And that is why I cannot cook naked.
posted by jph at 10:08 AM on June 15, 2012 [17 favorites]
- What if I accidentally cut my penis off instead of slicing this mango?
- What if I accidentally grate my penis instead of this cheese?
- What if I slam it in the fridge when grabbing those strawberries?
I mean: the list of awful things that COULD BUT ALMOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT HAPPEN TO MY PENIS is endless. And I ruminate on them all. I overthink this very dangerous plate of frank and beans.
And that is why I cannot cook naked.
posted by jph at 10:08 AM on June 15, 2012 [17 favorites]
I've seen splattering oil take one too many high arcs to agree with you there, OnTheLastCastle.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:09 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:09 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm a woman and see absolutely no benefit to cooking naked. Is it supposed to be sexy? Is it super convenient? My mind is totally boggling.
Plus, clothes are a great kitchen tool. In a pinch, they can double as towels, aprons, jar-opening helpy things, potholders if they're thick enough, and on and on.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:11 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
Plus, clothes are a great kitchen tool. In a pinch, they can double as towels, aprons, jar-opening helpy things, potholders if they're thick enough, and on and on.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:11 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
Also, I'm starting to think it's a good idea to put clothes on in most non-sexual or bathing situations. A couple weeks ago I was sitting on the couch and I accidentally closed the laptop on my nipple. That hurt.
posted by bondcliff at 10:15 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 10:15 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
I had actually never, ever considered that I could be naked while cooking. So now upon consideration I'd have to say that yes. yes, I would fear it.
Do folks not have comfy sweats/shorts and yesterdays t shirt hanging around?
posted by utsutsu at 10:15 AM on June 15, 2012
Do folks not have comfy sweats/shorts and yesterdays t shirt hanging around?
posted by utsutsu at 10:15 AM on June 15, 2012
I've cooked naked on occasion. It's not a thing I fear, but it's not a thing I do regularly either.
Also, in my jurisdiction as long as my nakedness is not intended to appeal to prurient interests (or something roughly to that effect) I'm free to go out and mow the lawn naked, if I want. That is something I'd definitely be afraid to do.
posted by Nabubrush at 10:19 AM on June 15, 2012
Also, in my jurisdiction as long as my nakedness is not intended to appeal to prurient interests (or something roughly to that effect) I'm free to go out and mow the lawn naked, if I want. That is something I'd definitely be afraid to do.
posted by Nabubrush at 10:19 AM on June 15, 2012
I can't remember the last place I saw this discussion, perhaps the CooksTalk forum at Fine Cooking Magazine. One commenter asserted that cooking bacon while naked is an excellent technique, because it motivates the cook to use the correct temperature, low and slow.
I routinely cook naked, or at least pants free.
posted by Bruce H. at 10:22 AM on June 15, 2012
I routinely cook naked, or at least pants free.
posted by Bruce H. at 10:22 AM on June 15, 2012
Most people are not what I would call "naked people", and I think that people who are "naked people" do not realize this fact.
In any case, cooking is one of those utilitarian things like car maintenance and house painting that it does not occur to me are the sort of things one would do naked.
posted by deanc at 10:28 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
In any case, cooking is one of those utilitarian things like car maintenance and house painting that it does not occur to me are the sort of things one would do naked.
posted by deanc at 10:28 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am a lady, and I frequently cook naked! Including stir fries, and I'm pretty sure I've done bacon before.
posted by sawdustbear at 10:31 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by sawdustbear at 10:31 AM on June 15, 2012
Um, I cooked naked this morning (toast and fried eggs for two, coffee for me, tea for her) as I do most mornings because I sleep naked and I usually have breakfast before I shower, so why get dressed just for like half an hour and then take it off again?
Bacon, as mentioned, can be dicey to cook naked but really it's not something I normally think about. I've never felt like my penis was in danger from the hot pans and stuff, if I need to grab something hot with it then I just use a potholder.
posted by Scientist at 10:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Bacon, as mentioned, can be dicey to cook naked but really it's not something I normally think about. I've never felt like my penis was in danger from the hot pans and stuff, if I need to grab something hot with it then I just use a potholder.
posted by Scientist at 10:32 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Cooking naked isn't an option. I don't eat naked. Heck, thanks to my parents particular style of upbringing, I don't eat without a shirt, even at a pool party. You can do what you like, but this is how I roll.
posted by Classic Diner at 10:33 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Classic Diner at 10:33 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yes, but then you'd be getting your pajamas dirty for no good goddamn reason. Seriously, I can count my tentacles the number of times I have burned myself while cooking naked, and I don't even have tentacles. It is not something I fear. It's no less sanitary than clothed cooking, as I don't usually stir sauces with my dong or anything like that. You have to be incrementally more careful, is all -- but normally when I'm cooking naked it's breakfast (as mentioned above) and breakfast is usually a simple meal that I can easily keep track of. I've never felt like I was in any danger.
I think maybe it's just a matter of feeling comfortable naked? I am naked kind of a lot when I'm at home and it doesn't feel unusual to me, albeit it's a tad chillier. I still maintain that clothing is what's unusual. For most of history people have cooked in various states of undress, usually less clothed than how we Westerners like to go about nowadays, and we've been fine. It's not a big deal, it's just part of our culture's general phobia around nudity.
posted by Scientist at 10:48 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think maybe it's just a matter of feeling comfortable naked? I am naked kind of a lot when I'm at home and it doesn't feel unusual to me, albeit it's a tad chillier. I still maintain that clothing is what's unusual. For most of history people have cooked in various states of undress, usually less clothed than how we Westerners like to go about nowadays, and we've been fine. It's not a big deal, it's just part of our culture's general phobia around nudity.
posted by Scientist at 10:48 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I like being naked, but when I'm in "doing stuff around the house" mode I like to have boxers on so that the boy bits have a little support. And yeah, when oil is involved - tshirt and boxers are my minimum.
posted by MillMan at 10:50 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by MillMan at 10:50 AM on June 15, 2012
It's not the hot oil that is the concern here. Most kitchen counters are at about waist height - not rubbing your cock against every exposed work surface is just good policy.
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:02 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:02 AM on June 15, 2012
When this situation has risen* in my life (multiple data points), it's usually me freaking out about the potential injury rather than the dude.
*tee-hee
posted by phunniemee at 11:04 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
*tee-hee
posted by phunniemee at 11:04 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I also live in an un-air-conditioned New York City apartment, and am generally open to nakedness, but in the kitchen? No thanks.
That's what my collection of sarongs, big old shirts, weird Indian kurtas, and worn out gym shorts is for. I have a plethora of hot-weather things to throw on while I make a sandwich. Even if I'm going to take it right off to eat said sandwich.
Do other people not have this stuff?
posted by Sara C. at 11:04 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
That's what my collection of sarongs, big old shirts, weird Indian kurtas, and worn out gym shorts is for. I have a plethora of hot-weather things to throw on while I make a sandwich. Even if I'm going to take it right off to eat said sandwich.
Do other people not have this stuff?
posted by Sara C. at 11:04 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am in an un-air-conditioned New York City apartment in the summer. Now. And last summer. Nice try though.
Some people are more comfortable being warm than not, and the instinct that the "I feel too warm easily" people have to take off their clothes ends up creating these AskMes because they don't realize that other people feel differently.
posted by deanc at 11:06 AM on June 15, 2012
Some people are more comfortable being warm than not, and the instinct that the "I feel too warm easily" people have to take off their clothes ends up creating these AskMes because they don't realize that other people feel differently.
posted by deanc at 11:06 AM on June 15, 2012
I think the answer may be "People of any gender who often burn themselves while cooking have a rational preference for wearing clothes while doing so, and people of any gender who don't often burn themselves while cooking are fine with cooking naked, unless they're people who prefer not to do household tasks naked in general."
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:14 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:14 AM on June 15, 2012
tl;dr but this one does. I'm not a nudist, not one of those who find clothing irritating and uncomfortable; but occasionally I'll find myself naked in the kitchen, without fear.
(Although I hardly ever cook bacon anymore, but the question isn't Do most men fear cooking bacon naked?)
posted by Rash at 11:14 AM on June 15, 2012
(Although I hardly ever cook bacon anymore, but the question isn't Do most men fear cooking bacon naked?)
posted by Rash at 11:14 AM on June 15, 2012
Awful lot of very tall, well hung men in this thread.
I am not afraid of cooking while naked, but I don't normally think to do it. Minor pricks (heh) from hot oil splatter are annoying but not really injurious, and I get far more oil on my bare forearms than anywhere else. In fact (without going into too fine detail about my own personal anatomy) your genitals have this lovely protective covering of hair over them that will happily take all the splatter you can throw at it.
Now if you drop a whole deep fryer on yourself, your shorts and shirt are going to do nothing for you anyway. I feel like the risk here is minimal.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:17 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am not afraid of cooking while naked, but I don't normally think to do it. Minor pricks (heh) from hot oil splatter are annoying but not really injurious, and I get far more oil on my bare forearms than anywhere else. In fact (without going into too fine detail about my own personal anatomy) your genitals have this lovely protective covering of hair over them that will happily take all the splatter you can throw at it.
Now if you drop a whole deep fryer on yourself, your shorts and shirt are going to do nothing for you anyway. I feel like the risk here is minimal.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:17 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
If I come home in a nice shirt and head straight for the kitchen, I'll usually just take the shirt off because I don't want it stained. I suppose if I owned any really nice pairs of light-colored pants I might take them off too.
But hot-oil-related stuff is totally an exception and I'll put on ratty clothes for that, because yeah, grease burns are irritating. Same goes for washing dishes: I'd rather have gross greasy dishwater on an old T-shirt (that I can take off and wash) than have gross greasy dishwater ON MY TORSO where I HAVE TO FEEL IT ew.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:21 AM on June 15, 2012
But hot-oil-related stuff is totally an exception and I'll put on ratty clothes for that, because yeah, grease burns are irritating. Same goes for washing dishes: I'd rather have gross greasy dishwater on an old T-shirt (that I can take off and wash) than have gross greasy dishwater ON MY TORSO where I HAVE TO FEEL IT ew.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:21 AM on June 15, 2012
My male partner would cook naked more if I didn't make him wear undies at least. Sometimes he'll get out of the shower and just start cooking cuz he's too lazy to get dressed. We're both veg so no bacon for us. : D
posted by foxjacket at 11:24 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by foxjacket at 11:24 AM on June 15, 2012
The number of instances where most men would have the opportunity, motive, and facilities to cook naked are relatively few and far between.
Huh? I'm a man, and I live alone, and I cook, so I could cook naked...pretty much all the time. I don't (always), but I sure could.
posted by threeants at 11:32 AM on June 15, 2012
Huh? I'm a man, and I live alone, and I cook, so I could cook naked...pretty much all the time. I don't (always), but I sure could.
posted by threeants at 11:32 AM on June 15, 2012
Mod note: Answer the question, don't make this personal, stay on topic, please.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:33 AM on June 15, 2012
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:33 AM on June 15, 2012
my Very Good Friend loves to cook bacon naked. but he's also into CBT.
posted by woodvine at 11:40 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by woodvine at 11:40 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
I (male) don't have a fear of cooking naked so much as I'm rarely completely naked. I'll be fairly unclothed, but at least wearing underwear — boxer briefs keep me contained, more comfortable, and, as Dr Dracator mentioned, unlikely to rub against every exposed surface.
But you reminded me of something from a collection of Joe Haldeman short stories. In an aside in one of the story introductions, he says an infallible method for cooking perfect bacon every time is "Cook it in the nude. This trains you to keep the heat down so it won't stick or spatter, and it can't burn."
posted by cardioid at 1:06 PM on June 15, 2012
But you reminded me of something from a collection of Joe Haldeman short stories. In an aside in one of the story introductions, he says an infallible method for cooking perfect bacon every time is "Cook it in the nude. This trains you to keep the heat down so it won't stick or spatter, and it can't burn."
posted by cardioid at 1:06 PM on June 15, 2012
How are you people cooking bacon that hot grease is just sloshing into your crotchal area? If I'm naked, which is not unusual, and I'm going to cook something, I'm not gonna get dressed to do it. But the reverse holds true also, so I don't cook naked as a policy or anything. I'm a male.
posted by cmoj at 1:10 PM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by cmoj at 1:10 PM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
"wrap your penis around a leg" it may be tomorrow before I parse that phrase in any way that makes sense..
Cook naked, nope. My dog, however, eats every meal naked, and would do the cooking if I let her.
posted by HuronBob at 2:44 PM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Cook naked, nope. My dog, however, eats every meal naked, and would do the cooking if I let her.
posted by HuronBob at 2:44 PM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Clothing or lack thereof has never stopped Mr. Stardust, even in the case of bacon.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 3:24 PM on June 15, 2012
posted by Kitty Stardust at 3:24 PM on June 15, 2012
Why in the name of all that's sane and sensible would anyone, male or female, think cooking naked was a good idea? For God's sake... there is heat and flames and hot spattery liquids RIGHT THERE. What the hell? Cooks wear special clothes and aprons for a reason, you know.
posted by Decani at 4:21 PM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Decani at 4:21 PM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't fear hot oil, but I don't cook naked for the same reason I don't shave (with a straight razor) naked: BECAUSE WHAT IF I DROP MY KNIFE/RAZOR AND CASTRATE MYSELFOHGOD.
posted by InsanePenguin at 5:45 PM on June 15, 2012
posted by InsanePenguin at 5:45 PM on June 15, 2012
I'm male and I cook naked all the time and love it! If I can successfully keep hot greasy things off my clothes then I'm surely going to keep those things off my vulnerable body.
I love that Haldeman quote.
posted by tenstairs at 8:02 PM on June 15, 2012
I love that Haldeman quote.
posted by tenstairs at 8:02 PM on June 15, 2012
I don't do nudity anywhere but the bathroom and the bedroom. Cooking naked is terrifying, both on a "nooooooo, no bare genitals in the kitchen" and "I like my boobs unburnt" (I already get enough splatters on the chest region as it is).
I have never seen my partner cook naked and he's rarely nude outside the bathroom and bedroom, although he's a lot more blase about it than me (I shut doors, regardless of who is home, and he doesn't shut doors, regardless of who is home).
posted by geek anachronism at 8:12 PM on June 15, 2012
I have never seen my partner cook naked and he's rarely nude outside the bathroom and bedroom, although he's a lot more blase about it than me (I shut doors, regardless of who is home, and he doesn't shut doors, regardless of who is home).
posted by geek anachronism at 8:12 PM on June 15, 2012
So I've actually pondered this sort of thing more than once, considering the time a guy I know accidentally spilled boiling pasta water on his torso... On one hand, if he hadn't been wearing a T-shirt and shorts, that could've been much worse (the boiling water could've run farther down than just his stomach, etc., to damage more sensitive skin). On the other hand, it seems like his boiling water–soaked shirt could have trapped the heat next to his skin longer, making the stomach burn worse while sparing areas lower down. I wonder whether the water would've cooled off faster without clothing being present—but that's probably just academic. On balance, I think wearing clothing still wins.
Otherwise, to answer the question at least partly, I'm not a man, but I do fear cooking naked. First of all, I think shoes are a must when your cooking involves hot things, water, and/or knives; even flip-flops are better than nothing, for the traction alone. (I definitely fear cooking in socks—I'd rather go barefoot or wear flip-flops than wear socks on a slippery kitchen floor.) From there up, cooking in certain types of clothing does have dangers—synthetics can flash-melt to your body in extreme heat, for instance—but when heat isn't involved, even wearing those types of clothing is probably better than being naked. I cook in flip-flops, shorts, and T-shirts all the time, though I do recognize the spill dangers of that, but for me, at least right now, cooking mostly involves slicing up or spooning out cold things or putting something in the microwave for a few minutes.
posted by limeonaire at 11:15 AM on June 16, 2012
Otherwise, to answer the question at least partly, I'm not a man, but I do fear cooking naked. First of all, I think shoes are a must when your cooking involves hot things, water, and/or knives; even flip-flops are better than nothing, for the traction alone. (I definitely fear cooking in socks—I'd rather go barefoot or wear flip-flops than wear socks on a slippery kitchen floor.) From there up, cooking in certain types of clothing does have dangers—synthetics can flash-melt to your body in extreme heat, for instance—but when heat isn't involved, even wearing those types of clothing is probably better than being naked. I cook in flip-flops, shorts, and T-shirts all the time, though I do recognize the spill dangers of that, but for me, at least right now, cooking mostly involves slicing up or spooning out cold things or putting something in the microwave for a few minutes.
posted by limeonaire at 11:15 AM on June 16, 2012
I am dyspraxic and constantly spill things/cut myself while cooking (right now I have a burn on one hand from making scrambled eggs this morning, and a plaster on my thumb from chopping garlic this evenibg). I don't particularly fear cooking naked, but when you're that accident-prone with clothing..
One thing - chilli peppers and mucous membranes do not mix. I would be frightened of accidentally touching somewhere sensitive after handling one - I did this once when I absentmindedly rubbed my eye and ended up phoning my then-boyfriend in tears because I was convinced I'd gone blind.
posted by mippy at 3:02 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
One thing - chilli peppers and mucous membranes do not mix. I would be frightened of accidentally touching somewhere sensitive after handling one - I did this once when I absentmindedly rubbed my eye and ended up phoning my then-boyfriend in tears because I was convinced I'd gone blind.
posted by mippy at 3:02 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm a man and I don't fear cooking naked (though I bake bacon). I have in fact cooked naked over an open wood fire (though I guess that's actually BBQing or grilling).
Metroid Baby: "I'm a woman and see absolutely no benefit to cooking naked. Is it supposed to be sexy? Is it super convenient? My mind is totally boggling."
Just convenient. Why get dressed just to cook. Especially when it is already 30+ degrees in the house. Getting dressed would just be too hot.
deanc: "cooking is one of those utilitarian things like car maintenance and house painting that it does not occur to me are the sort of things one would do naked"
Painting, at least the inside, is best done naked. Dried house paint pretty well washes off skin but won't come out of clothing.
posted by Mitheral at 7:56 PM on March 19, 2013
Metroid Baby: "I'm a woman and see absolutely no benefit to cooking naked. Is it supposed to be sexy? Is it super convenient? My mind is totally boggling."
Just convenient. Why get dressed just to cook. Especially when it is already 30+ degrees in the house. Getting dressed would just be too hot.
deanc: "cooking is one of those utilitarian things like car maintenance and house painting that it does not occur to me are the sort of things one would do naked"
Painting, at least the inside, is best done naked. Dried house paint pretty well washes off skin but won't come out of clothing.
posted by Mitheral at 7:56 PM on March 19, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
(In the spirit of full disclosure - I am female, and I avoid cooking bacon while naked. And let's just say this is a fear I have learned.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:27 AM on June 15, 2012 [5 favorites]