Yet another question on hair loss...
June 10, 2012 5:43 AM Subscribe
I've got a really big head. I am also losing my hair. How do I best "own" my baldness when, well, my head shape is so unbecoming to not having a full head of hair?
I’m 29 and have been noticing my hairline gradually receding since about age 25. While I’ve had the occasional freak out when I would “rediscover” my balding after an overdue haircut, it’s been slow enough that I generally haven’t worried too much about it. It’s getting to the point, however, that I’ve decided to start preparing psychologically for the inevitable: shaving it all off. I figure I’ve got about two years or so left until the deed will need to be done.
They say that how good a shaved head looks on a guy depends almost entirely on the shape of his head. And that’s my problem: my head is huge. We’re talking they-don’t-sell-baseball-caps-that-fit, I-have-never-owned-a-bicycle-helmet, huge. It’s not so much wide as it is long. My forehead is tall and the back juts out significantly from my neck. (Think Rainn Wilson but, well, longer in the back. My hair actually is a lot like his in this picture, but only a little more “M” shaped.) It looks abnormally big as it is with hair, and I can’t imagine it looking good with full shave or even a very tight buzz cut.
So my question is: in consideration of my obviously less-than-ideal head shape, what advice/resources/anecdotes/pictures/etc. do you have for me that I can use to psychologically prepare myself for shaving? I’d especially like to hear from other uniquely shaped headed guys who have gone through something similar.
Because it may be relevant: my other features are well proportioned and (I think) generally attractive. I’ve always been complemented on my eyes, I have a decent jaw line and the ability to grow a full, thick beard, I’ve got decently straight teeth and a good smile, and I’m physically in pretty good shape. (Not a lot of muscle, but not overweight.) I've got very fair skin. I consider myself a pretty good dresser, albeit simple (jeans or khakis with button up shits, mostly. Accessory color matching and all that stuff).
My current game plan it to step it up in the gym and try to build my shoulder and neck a little bit to make the jutting in back less pronounced. I’m also thinking that I will keep a neatly trimmed beard and graduate up from my wire framed glasses to something thicker and more eye-catching. Other than that, I’m just praying that it will look better than I fear and that I’ll be married or headed that way by that time so I won’t have the “oh no I’m bald and single” stress on top of everything else. I have no interest in taking drugs, wearing a piece, or attempting a comb over.
I was going to post this anonymously, but what the hell. If I’m going to own this, I may as well start here. Also, I've read a TON of the many many similar AskMes and the've been very helpful. I'm hoping for advice unique to my circumstances, if possible.
I’m 29 and have been noticing my hairline gradually receding since about age 25. While I’ve had the occasional freak out when I would “rediscover” my balding after an overdue haircut, it’s been slow enough that I generally haven’t worried too much about it. It’s getting to the point, however, that I’ve decided to start preparing psychologically for the inevitable: shaving it all off. I figure I’ve got about two years or so left until the deed will need to be done.
They say that how good a shaved head looks on a guy depends almost entirely on the shape of his head. And that’s my problem: my head is huge. We’re talking they-don’t-sell-baseball-caps-that-fit, I-have-never-owned-a-bicycle-helmet, huge. It’s not so much wide as it is long. My forehead is tall and the back juts out significantly from my neck. (Think Rainn Wilson but, well, longer in the back. My hair actually is a lot like his in this picture, but only a little more “M” shaped.) It looks abnormally big as it is with hair, and I can’t imagine it looking good with full shave or even a very tight buzz cut.
So my question is: in consideration of my obviously less-than-ideal head shape, what advice/resources/anecdotes/pictures/etc. do you have for me that I can use to psychologically prepare myself for shaving? I’d especially like to hear from other uniquely shaped headed guys who have gone through something similar.
Because it may be relevant: my other features are well proportioned and (I think) generally attractive. I’ve always been complemented on my eyes, I have a decent jaw line and the ability to grow a full, thick beard, I’ve got decently straight teeth and a good smile, and I’m physically in pretty good shape. (Not a lot of muscle, but not overweight.) I've got very fair skin. I consider myself a pretty good dresser, albeit simple (jeans or khakis with button up shits, mostly. Accessory color matching and all that stuff).
My current game plan it to step it up in the gym and try to build my shoulder and neck a little bit to make the jutting in back less pronounced. I’m also thinking that I will keep a neatly trimmed beard and graduate up from my wire framed glasses to something thicker and more eye-catching. Other than that, I’m just praying that it will look better than I fear and that I’ll be married or headed that way by that time so I won’t have the “oh no I’m bald and single” stress on top of everything else. I have no interest in taking drugs, wearing a piece, or attempting a comb over.
I was going to post this anonymously, but what the hell. If I’m going to own this, I may as well start here. Also, I've read a TON of the many many similar AskMes and the've been very helpful. I'm hoping for advice unique to my circumstances, if possible.
Being not far away from male pattern baldness myself, growing a well-kept beard certainly helps. Plus, they're pretty sought-after these days by the ladies (and dudes, if that's how you roll).
posted by chrisfromthelc at 6:04 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by chrisfromthelc at 6:04 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
step it up in the gym and try to build my shoulder and neck a little bit
This sounds like it'd just create a new problem. It makes me think of the dick neck meme.
But this
I’m also thinking that I will keep a neatly trimmed beard and graduate up from my wire framed glasses to something thicker and more eye-catching. Other than that, I’m just praying that it will look better than I fear
is solid and should probably be where your thinking on this matter ends. Your worries are very much the sort of thing that only the owner of the purportedly funny-shaped/too big/etc body part has.
On preview, yeah, there is no need to take it all the way if you don't want to. A close trim is a good choice for hair loss, and less...noticeable than clean-shaven.
posted by kmennie at 6:05 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
This sounds like it'd just create a new problem. It makes me think of the dick neck meme.
But this
I’m also thinking that I will keep a neatly trimmed beard and graduate up from my wire framed glasses to something thicker and more eye-catching. Other than that, I’m just praying that it will look better than I fear
is solid and should probably be where your thinking on this matter ends. Your worries are very much the sort of thing that only the owner of the purportedly funny-shaped/too big/etc body part has.
On preview, yeah, there is no need to take it all the way if you don't want to. A close trim is a good choice for hair loss, and less...noticeable than clean-shaven.
posted by kmennie at 6:05 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think you're giving this far too much energy! Have you ever shaved your head? You've got no idea how it looks - it might look smaller without hair. My hubs was mid-30's when I met and married him, bald head and all. People who are worth getting to know aren't going to be put off by a larger than average cranium.
posted by PorcineWithMe at 6:11 AM on June 10, 2012
posted by PorcineWithMe at 6:11 AM on June 10, 2012
My gorgeous husband has a giant round bald head (think Dr. Bunsen Honeydew), and totally rocks the well-trimmed, creatively-shaped beard and cutting-edge glasses frames. I recommend that approach.
posted by matildaben at 6:13 AM on June 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by matildaben at 6:13 AM on June 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
My husband also has a huge head and male pattern baldness (and a weird bump on the back of his skull and a really weird pointy chin, but I don't generally mention those!). He used to look lovely with his full curly hair and he looks just fine now with a very short haircut and obvious bald areas. It took a while to get used to it when he cut his hair off. Changing the shape of your head like that totally changes how you look, I even had trouble recognising him in public and stuff. But that goes away relatively quickly then you're left wondering what all the fuss was about.
So many men are bald in so many ways. And so many of them have weird shaped heads and funny features. And they all look just fine. This really isn't a big deal.
A good haircut is still important even when it's very short and we pay a little bit more for a decent barber to make sure they don't leave weird tufts and stuff (my husband's hair is very fine and curly). I do recommend this at least the first time you get it cut short. You don't need a fancy stylist or whatever, just someone who is used to cutting all kinds of men's hair and has time to do more than just run a shaver over it.
Other than that, just stop overthinking it and go get it cut off. It will look miles better, even now when you think you've got a few years left because, after seeing the denial in many of my male friends, I guarantee you really haven't.
posted by shelleycat at 6:16 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
So many men are bald in so many ways. And so many of them have weird shaped heads and funny features. And they all look just fine. This really isn't a big deal.
A good haircut is still important even when it's very short and we pay a little bit more for a decent barber to make sure they don't leave weird tufts and stuff (my husband's hair is very fine and curly). I do recommend this at least the first time you get it cut short. You don't need a fancy stylist or whatever, just someone who is used to cutting all kinds of men's hair and has time to do more than just run a shaver over it.
Other than that, just stop overthinking it and go get it cut off. It will look miles better, even now when you think you've got a few years left because, after seeing the denial in many of my male friends, I guarantee you really haven't.
posted by shelleycat at 6:16 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
What can I say, man? Your concerns are valid to a point. Many (most?) of us who've made the Decision went through exactly what you are. I also used to worry about my "occipital bun" being too prominent to ever expose to the sunshine.
Truth is: you care about this about 6100% more than anyone else, and after the fact, you will still be concerned about it at first. Then a bit less when you get a few compliments. Then even less when you buzz it for the 10th time and notice how good your neck and shoulders look with your smirking face perched on top.
Right now, I'll bet your hair situation is sapping your confidence to some extent. That sucks. I can't overstate how much of an improvement it was for my attitude and luck when I finally just divorced my hair.
posted by General Tonic at 6:34 AM on June 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
Truth is: you care about this about 6100% more than anyone else, and after the fact, you will still be concerned about it at first. Then a bit less when you get a few compliments. Then even less when you buzz it for the 10th time and notice how good your neck and shoulders look with your smirking face perched on top.
Right now, I'll bet your hair situation is sapping your confidence to some extent. That sucks. I can't overstate how much of an improvement it was for my attitude and luck when I finally just divorced my hair.
posted by General Tonic at 6:34 AM on June 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
All good points here. Something to keep in mind is that bald guy with beard is (alas!) a cliche now too. So if you can pull of shaving and having a little bit of hair up top, go for that instead! Nevertheless obviously that is exactly what I did at some point: bigger, cooler glasses, trimmed beard (not too trimmed! You need some amount of neck hair to not look like an Icey Hot Stunna) and the smallest guard on the clippers (no bic-ing, especially if you're pale).
Welcome to people making hilarious Moby comparisons until everyone forgets who Moby is.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:46 AM on June 10, 2012
Welcome to people making hilarious Moby comparisons until everyone forgets who Moby is.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:46 AM on June 10, 2012
Baldness doesnt really matter much anymore. Dunno why. Tight cut and you'll be fine.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:09 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Ironmouth at 7:09 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I agree that you just have to do it. Actor Richard Schiff seems to have a giant head, and he looks fine.
However, you veer into a different territory when your facial hair is fuller than your head hair. I don't recommend it unless you are a professional wrestler or a member of a motorcycle gang.
Or, you can go George Costanza and get a System. I think you can get away with it if:
1- You start early so nobody notices.
2- Be completely transparent and lighthearted about it.
posted by gjc at 7:53 AM on June 10, 2012
However, you veer into a different territory when your facial hair is fuller than your head hair. I don't recommend it unless you are a professional wrestler or a member of a motorcycle gang.
Or, you can go George Costanza and get a System. I think you can get away with it if:
1- You start early so nobody notices.
2- Be completely transparent and lighthearted about it.
posted by gjc at 7:53 AM on June 10, 2012
I'm in the same boat -- outlandishly large noggin, balding, thirties, single, glasses, can grow a beard -- though my head is more wide than long and I've had an expanding forehead since my late teens. I've never tried shaving my head, but here's my general advice:
* Most important: tell your barber/stylist/Flowbee technician not to cover up your baldness. Most barbers will, by default, keep the hair around bald spots a bit longer under the assumption that this helps, but it usually ends up looking bad or dishonest or both.
* In the realm of cropped hair, there's a surprisingly large spectrum of lengths, and it pays to try them all.
* Even with very short hair, going to a stylist helps. In my experience, stylist cuts look great much longer than barber cuts, though they also degrade comparatively quickly once they stop looking great. (The value of a stylist may be a function of my hair, though, which is both curly and wavy and thus doesn't clipper-trim very well.)
* Be careful with glasses. Thick frames are not my friend, though they may work better for you since you're long-headed.
posted by backupjesus at 8:59 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
* Most important: tell your barber/stylist/Flowbee technician not to cover up your baldness. Most barbers will, by default, keep the hair around bald spots a bit longer under the assumption that this helps, but it usually ends up looking bad or dishonest or both.
* In the realm of cropped hair, there's a surprisingly large spectrum of lengths, and it pays to try them all.
* Even with very short hair, going to a stylist helps. In my experience, stylist cuts look great much longer than barber cuts, though they also degrade comparatively quickly once they stop looking great. (The value of a stylist may be a function of my hair, though, which is both curly and wavy and thus doesn't clipper-trim very well.)
* Be careful with glasses. Thick frames are not my friend, though they may work better for you since you're long-headed.
posted by backupjesus at 8:59 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
My reaction, as a woman who is attracted to men, when I see a guy with a shaved, oddly shaped head: Huh.
Then I talk to him and what he's like. And never give it another thought, unless he himself brings it up.
posted by desjardins at 9:24 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Then I talk to him and what he's like. And never give it another thought, unless he himself brings it up.
posted by desjardins at 9:24 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
I would suggest cultivating a relationship with a good stylist now who can help you through the transition. I agree with others that there are a lot of options between whatever you have now and shiny bald. I think shiny bald only works on some guys. A stylist should be able to work with your head shape to find something flattering.
Then find an optician you can trust and get awesome glasses. Professionals can really help with that. I went to a really fancy place in town when I got my first pair of glasses and the guy who helped me was amazing. I ended up picking a pair I would never have even tried on without his suggestions and the way they flattered my face was surprising. I took my mom in and he did the same for her. This isn't a time to be going for the $10 glasses online. The shape of your face will be changed dramatically once the hair is gone. Outside eyes would be helpful with that.
And, for what it's worth, I found in my early thirties, bald men suddenly started seeming super sexy to me. And not in a "oh well, I'm 30 now, I guess I'd better lower my standards" way; they just started genuinely catching my eye. I'm in my early 40s now and equally happy to discover that I'm now super attracted to grey hair and crinkly eyes. I'm sure I'm not unique in this. Which is a long way of saying: don't worry the people you are hoping to attract are getting older, too, as is the "competition."
posted by looli at 9:25 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
Then find an optician you can trust and get awesome glasses. Professionals can really help with that. I went to a really fancy place in town when I got my first pair of glasses and the guy who helped me was amazing. I ended up picking a pair I would never have even tried on without his suggestions and the way they flattered my face was surprising. I took my mom in and he did the same for her. This isn't a time to be going for the $10 glasses online. The shape of your face will be changed dramatically once the hair is gone. Outside eyes would be helpful with that.
And, for what it's worth, I found in my early thirties, bald men suddenly started seeming super sexy to me. And not in a "oh well, I'm 30 now, I guess I'd better lower my standards" way; they just started genuinely catching my eye. I'm in my early 40s now and equally happy to discover that I'm now super attracted to grey hair and crinkly eyes. I'm sure I'm not unique in this. Which is a long way of saying: don't worry the people you are hoping to attract are getting older, too, as is the "competition."
posted by looli at 9:25 AM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I wanted to see how I looked bald, so I came up with an excuse for doing it. As a motivator for a project my church youth group was doing, I promised to let them shave my head if they reached their goal.
Of course, they did, and I got shaved. As t turns out, I have a lumpy head and it did not look so hot. However, I got to tell people I did it for a cause whenever I was asked about, which took some of the pressure off.
What you could do is shave it with a #5 (5/8") and see what you think, and go shorter if you like. One nice thing about super-short hair is that you notice every bit of growth pretty quickly.
I would only warn you against shaving it with shaving cream and a face razor. I did this and got wicked agonizing razor burn all over the back of my head.
All things considered, whatever you do, keep it looking clean and you will be fine. Good luck.
posted by 4ster at 10:35 AM on June 10, 2012
Of course, they did, and I got shaved. As t turns out, I have a lumpy head and it did not look so hot. However, I got to tell people I did it for a cause whenever I was asked about, which took some of the pressure off.
What you could do is shave it with a #5 (5/8") and see what you think, and go shorter if you like. One nice thing about super-short hair is that you notice every bit of growth pretty quickly.
I would only warn you against shaving it with shaving cream and a face razor. I did this and got wicked agonizing razor burn all over the back of my head.
All things considered, whatever you do, keep it looking clean and you will be fine. Good luck.
posted by 4ster at 10:35 AM on June 10, 2012
A little confidence covers up a lot of baldness. If you start with very close-cropped cuts now, as suggested above, I bet you'll be surprised at the compliments, and you'll avoid a drastic change sometime down the road.
posted by FeralHat at 11:32 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by FeralHat at 11:32 AM on June 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Wear a shiny tunic and an over-sized medallion. Speak in a high-pitched monotone about your superior intellect and refer to everyone as "human" rather than by name.
posted by RobotHero at 7:34 PM on June 10, 2012
posted by RobotHero at 7:34 PM on June 10, 2012
I used to wear my hair long, but it started to thin out in my mid 20's and, after trying out several shorter hair cuts, I finally got a truly bad one from a barber and decided to give myself a buzz cut to rectify it, and I found that the other haircuts I had tried looked far worse than a close buzz.
What I discovered over time is, the shorter I keep my hair, the better it looks. I've never shaved my head, but I use the smallest guide (#1, 1/4") and trim my hair once a week. Paradoxically, when I buzz it short I look like I have more hair. I'm lucky, in that I have a good head for this sort of look, but you really can't tell until you try it. I'd be willing to try shaving it, but my wife is skeptical, so I stick with the buzz cut.
Facial hair can help but you have to figure out what works for you there, too. For me, what's best is long-ish sideburns and a few days of scruff. But I went through lots of different things before I realized that.
You say you have nice eyes and a good jaw, so I wouldn't worry about the shape of your head. Lack of hair tends to put more attention on your face. If you really don't like the shape of your head, I suppose you could start wearing hats, which works fine outdoors but not so well in any other situation.
I found hair loss initially upsetting but, as time went by, liberating. I simply have more important things to worry about than my hair, and you do too. I haven't paid for a hair cut in years. I make bald jokes at my own expense. I felt self-conscious about it at first, but I don't give it a second thought anymore.
posted by wheat at 11:26 PM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
What I discovered over time is, the shorter I keep my hair, the better it looks. I've never shaved my head, but I use the smallest guide (#1, 1/4") and trim my hair once a week. Paradoxically, when I buzz it short I look like I have more hair. I'm lucky, in that I have a good head for this sort of look, but you really can't tell until you try it. I'd be willing to try shaving it, but my wife is skeptical, so I stick with the buzz cut.
Facial hair can help but you have to figure out what works for you there, too. For me, what's best is long-ish sideburns and a few days of scruff. But I went through lots of different things before I realized that.
You say you have nice eyes and a good jaw, so I wouldn't worry about the shape of your head. Lack of hair tends to put more attention on your face. If you really don't like the shape of your head, I suppose you could start wearing hats, which works fine outdoors but not so well in any other situation.
I found hair loss initially upsetting but, as time went by, liberating. I simply have more important things to worry about than my hair, and you do too. I haven't paid for a hair cut in years. I make bald jokes at my own expense. I felt self-conscious about it at first, but I don't give it a second thought anymore.
posted by wheat at 11:26 PM on June 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
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People will tell you to go and get a better haircut before buying the clippers, but I'm tall enough that I can see the tops of almost everyone's heads... and those "cover-up," "make the most of what I've got" haircuts are pretty easy to spot. Don't wait until it's become undignified before you go ahead and cut it short. (And remember that there is a lot of middle ground between where you are now and shaving it shiny with a bic razor; clipping it short may work better with your head than actually shaving it.)
posted by Forktine at 6:01 AM on June 10, 2012