How do I make it through a long, pointless meeting?

May 1, 2012 7:34 AM

I need advice on surviving a corporate retreat with my sanity intact. This isn't a "'fun' activity leads to team bonding" kind of retreat, it's a "sit in a conference room for hours discussing the future of our unit" retreat. So, essentially, a six-hour meeting, and I am not good with meetings.

The issues: Long, pointless meetings make me really anxious, possibly because I'm an introvert with social anxiety. I'm not new to the workforce, but I've been lucky to work with people who hate meetings as much as I do. So, I don't know if people build up meeting tolerance like they build up alcohol tolerance, but I have very low meeting tolerance. I get fidgety and cranky and have a deep urge to flee. Unfortunately, I think meetings (and agendas and icebreakers) are, like, a hobby of my new manager. To make matters worse, discussing the future of our unit is kind of like pissing in the wind. Most of the staff think the unit should go one way, the managers think it should go another way, new manager was hired to make it go that other way, decision made. No further discussion needed.

I need coping mechanisms. Doodling and daydreaming get me through our 1-2 hour weekly meetings, but I don't think that's sustainable for an all day thing. Job security and advancement are not an issue, so it doesn't matter if I participate or look engaged. I can't completely check out, though, so emailing, surfing the internet, and playing Draw Something won't work.

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (23 answers total)

I write letters during meetings. Handwritten letters to my friends, family, sometimes celebrities or politicians, whoever I want. That way, I look like I'm studiously taking notes on the meeting (I know you said it doesn't matter, but it couldn't hurt), plus I get to surprise and delight my loved ones with real mail, or possibly participate in our democracy by expressing my views to my elected representatives or request a signed headshot from my favorite dreamboat.
posted by decathecting at 7:49 AM on May 1, 2012 [13 favorites]

An old co-worker of mine survived our brutal 4-hour Monday morning team meetings by photocopying novels and reading those during the meeting. Once the book was printed on copy paper (landscape orientation, double-sided), it looked like all the other reports and presentations.
posted by mullacc at 7:52 AM on May 1, 2012 [5 favorites]

I used to write short stories during long meetings, I was too far down the totem pole to suddenly have to say anything and it made me look busy.
posted by wwax at 7:55 AM on May 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Feel free to get up during the meeting/retreat. Get a glass of water or cup of coffee, grab a donut (there will be refreshments provided, right?), stand on the other side of the room, use the restroom. You are not expected to sit in one chair for 6 hours during a "retreat."
posted by rhapsodie at 7:56 AM on May 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

During meetings I like to play imagination games with myself. I do things like imagine that the people on the meeting are stuck on an Island and play around with who would do what, who would hook up with whom, etc. I've also imagined what each persons house/apartment looks like down to furishings, etc. The more elaborate these little games, the better. Enjoy!
posted by Pineapplicious at 8:01 AM on May 1, 2012

Here is a situation where (while unhealthy yada yada) the good old fashioned habit of smoking helps... a lot. One can walk out, take a break, refresh one's mind and eventually return.
posted by infini at 8:04 AM on May 1, 2012

Can you pretend to have taken up smoking (if it doesn't hurt your job/career)?
posted by infini at 8:04 AM on May 1, 2012

Occasionally, I do needlework (usually counted-cross stitch because it's small). It usually provides just the right amount of distraction. Though I can't say that my coworkers thought too well of me for it. I also doodle, but I wouldn't consider that a viable strategy for such a long meeting.
posted by tippiedog at 8:05 AM on May 1, 2012

I write letters during meetings. Handwritten letters to my friends, family, sometimes celebrities or politicians, whoever I want.

IIRC, this is how Chuck Palahniuk wrote "Fight Club". On legal pads in pointless meetings.

I sometimes vent my meeting frustration on paper, write down what my id really wants me to shout out in the moment. Things like OH JESUS, WE'VE SPENT FIFTEEN GODDAMN MINUTES ON YOUR PET GRIPE, LET'S MOVE ON. GOD, THIS IS WANKALICIOUS AGONY. It generally keeps me from killing people and sometimes morphs into a writing exercise. Over time I got used to just going to writing as my Happy Place, so I don't need the venting as much now.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:15 AM on May 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I totally feel you on this. I HATE these things.

Some Buzzword Bingo cards can be fun.

I like making lists:

What I would do/buy when I win the lottery.

What I plan on packing on vacation.

Budget/spending plan.

I also like to draw blueprints of my dream home.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:54 AM on May 1, 2012

I plan out my meals and make shopping lists during boring meetings. Also to-do lists - it reminds me that someday the meeting will be over and I'll be able to get actual work done. Oh, and packing lists. On preview, what Ruthless Bunny said.

Also, I try to wrench any small amount of productivity out of a meeting. I try to redirect to issues that we could actually make decisions about. It often doesn't work (and, indeed, I can't think when I last did it...) and it can be hard, but one relatively easy redirect is to sum up what people have been saying and suggest that the group move on to another topic.
posted by mskyle at 8:58 AM on May 1, 2012

Crossword puzzle? If you don't want to bring in the paper, maybe you could create your own puzzle. More productively, you could brainstorm about a current work or personal project.
posted by yarly at 9:05 AM on May 1, 2012

Check out some if Vi Hart's videos at the Khan Academy -- she explains a lot of mathematical concepts that can be doodled, and they turn into games of a sort. Experimenting with Sierpinski triangles got me through some very, very dull lectures at Uni.
posted by kalimac at 9:19 AM on May 1, 2012

Pick a corporate buzzword and keep a running tally of how many times it's used and by whom.

Draw the meeting - as someone says a noun, draw a picture of it. When you're done with the meeting, you'll have a sort of Meeting Hieroglyphic.
posted by parakeetdog at 9:27 AM on May 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Take notes, but do it 'mad libs' style leaving blanks, so later, you can _____ all over your _____ by having your friends fill in the blanks at the Applebee's happy hour you will be immediately heading to after the meeting.
posted by yeahyeahyeahwhoo at 11:17 AM on May 1, 2012

Have a fake heart attack, fake emergency call on your cell, that kind of thing.

Alternatively, brainstorm ideas for your next novel, article, drawing, screenplay...
posted by bluejayway at 12:13 PM on May 1, 2012

I have played Buzzword Bingo with my coworkers: it does help. I also knit in any and all meetings when this would not be looked down upon (if you are similarly crafty, you could ask the new manager, "Hey, I have restless hands syndrome. I find it much easier to concentrate if I'm doing something with my hands. Mind if I knit during our meeting?" Sometimes they say yes, sometimes they say no.)

If you want to be attentive, taking notes can help, especially if you design & format as you go.

I do know know that letting me knit during faculty meetings saved the lives of a few people as my hands were too busy to strangle them.
posted by smirkette at 1:03 PM on May 1, 2012

Zentangles
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:24 PM on May 1, 2012

I feel your pain, in that I will fall asleep in meetings that last longer than an hour. I like all of these "what to do when sitting there" ideas. But for my problem, I deal with it by getting up and standing in the back of the room. It helps to get up, grab a coffee refill/water/whatever, and instead of returning to my seat, kind of hang out in the back of the room with an interested look on my face. Besides keeping me from nodding off, standing helps with antsy/claustrophobic feelings.
I figure there's been enough media coverage about the dangers of sitting all day that I have a plausible excuse for standing.
posted by chowflap at 2:43 PM on May 1, 2012

Well, one thing to keep in mind is that they will probably break up the day into 1- to 2-hour sessions (NOBODY can keep it together in a meeting longer than that), so you only have to deal with smallish chunks of time before you get a break.

In meetings like that, I actually like to take notes; it reduces my anxiety because I know I won't space out and then be unable to answer if somebody asks me a question. And it doesn't hurt for bosses to see you taking this sort of pointless bullshit seriously (bosses love their pointless bullshit). If I'm sure I won't get asked a question, I try to figure out the psychological issues of whoever is talking; e.g., "oh, he's thinking that she's got the real power around here, so he's buttering her up," or "she's completely unable to do things in a way that's different from the way she's always done it."

Years ago, I had a stats class from 3:00 to 5:00 on Mondays, pretty much the most boring subject ever at the worst time ever; I stayed awake by having explicit sexual fantasies about the really cute TA who taught the class. YMMV.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 4:23 PM on May 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, and drink a lot of water; it keeps you awake, is good for you, and then you get to take pee breaks!
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 4:25 PM on May 1, 2012

Doodling and daydreaming get me through our 1-2 hour weekly meetings, but I don't think that's sustainable for an all day thing. Job security and advancement are not an issue, so it doesn't matter if I participate or look engaged. Are you sure about this? Because I bet people, including your new boss, notice.

I'm going to go against the grain of most of the comments here and suggest you make a very big effort to be engaged during this meeting. It sounds like this is "the meeting": the one that could decide what you personally are working on (or not). Most of the staff think the unit should go one way, the managers think it should go another way, new manager was hired to make it go that other way, decision made. No further discussion needed. Management may have figured out the big picture but the devil is in the details. Don't you want to have a say on how your team works? If not, fine, but then don't complain if you end up having to do daily status TPS reports because you were doodling.
posted by sfkiddo at 7:01 PM on May 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I came here to say what sfkiddo said - see if you can make it a good meeting, or at least participate in a way that you can look back on a day that wasn't a waste of your time.
posted by thatone at 9:51 AM on May 2, 2012