Am I a terrible team player or do I just need another team?
April 16, 2012 8:55 PM Subscribe
I am a web designer. I hate my job and it makes me cry. Do I need a new position, a new field, or a new attitude?
So my job is not right for me, and I would like some thoughts on whether it is me, my position, or the field. I appreciate you all reading; it's kinda long.
I've had two or three positions as a designer since 2006 — the first position was as a technical project manager, but it is where I stepped up, learned to do design, and did it along with the pm work for nearly years. By the time I left, designer was part of my title. I left there when they laid off 2/3 of the company in the aftermath of the crash, in 2009.
Since then I have spent 1.5 years at an agency in New York and now coming on 1.5 years at a more application-focused studio in San Francisco — and I have disliked them both. The New York experience was very dude-bro (I have girl parts) and very work ALL the hours. I am in my thirties. I have a life and projects and a snuggly boy at home. I will work my face off in the eight hours I am there, but I want to go home to those lovely things at 6 most nights. It was also a place where projects were doled out based on popularity with the bosses, and since it was so dude-bro, I was never going to be one of the cool kids. My direct manager was cool, but overall, it was not good.
So when I took this new position I was very excited. People had families and liked to go home. It was small so everyone worked with one of the big bosses and otherwise ran their own projects. But now ... Now I have been reprimanded for not being a team player or problem solver, but honestly, it seems like different values. I want autonomy and responsibility (I had more when I was 22!); they want a cog. I am forthright and like strong process; they favor applications of soft power and never telling the client no. I want them to respect me by treating me like a valuable team member (responsibility, pretensions towards equality, support as I flap my little birdie wings); they want me to show respect through deference (really REALLY not my strong suit). All the people are very nice and socially I really like them, but as coworkers and bosses, there is a lot to be desired.
Lately, things have soured. I got a warning that was basically fix this or we are putting you on an improvement plan. Since then I've talking to them, and putting effort into what they want, because there *are* valuable lessons there, and if I leave, I want it to be on the best terms possible.
But ... I can't seem to figure out what I should be doing to wind up someplace where I can better contribute. Both places I have gotten feedback that I seem defensive when discussing design work and I think that is a valid criticism. Since I came from another field and background, I don't always have the most confidence in some of my work. At the same time, I believe strongly in my ideas and put a lot of work in, so when there is criticism, I want it to be a discussion. I have also recently learned that only critical feedback makes me more unhappy and even less confident, which results in more defensiveness ... and so it goes.
So, the bottom line, given all the rambling: I want a position where I feel an equal part of team (with concomitant autonomy and responsibility), where I can have a forthright relationship with a client, and where I can grow. I am bad with hierarchy and obedience (and have been forever). Should I be looking for a new company, a new field, or some way to be more okay with cogdom?
Skillwise I am strongest at strategic and interaction design, strengthening my front-end skills, and a passable visual designer — if you have any thoughts at something that would suit me better. I have been thinking maybe product management, since I have a project background.
So my job is not right for me, and I would like some thoughts on whether it is me, my position, or the field. I appreciate you all reading; it's kinda long.
I've had two or three positions as a designer since 2006 — the first position was as a technical project manager, but it is where I stepped up, learned to do design, and did it along with the pm work for nearly years. By the time I left, designer was part of my title. I left there when they laid off 2/3 of the company in the aftermath of the crash, in 2009.
Since then I have spent 1.5 years at an agency in New York and now coming on 1.5 years at a more application-focused studio in San Francisco — and I have disliked them both. The New York experience was very dude-bro (I have girl parts) and very work ALL the hours. I am in my thirties. I have a life and projects and a snuggly boy at home. I will work my face off in the eight hours I am there, but I want to go home to those lovely things at 6 most nights. It was also a place where projects were doled out based on popularity with the bosses, and since it was so dude-bro, I was never going to be one of the cool kids. My direct manager was cool, but overall, it was not good.
So when I took this new position I was very excited. People had families and liked to go home. It was small so everyone worked with one of the big bosses and otherwise ran their own projects. But now ... Now I have been reprimanded for not being a team player or problem solver, but honestly, it seems like different values. I want autonomy and responsibility (I had more when I was 22!); they want a cog. I am forthright and like strong process; they favor applications of soft power and never telling the client no. I want them to respect me by treating me like a valuable team member (responsibility, pretensions towards equality, support as I flap my little birdie wings); they want me to show respect through deference (really REALLY not my strong suit). All the people are very nice and socially I really like them, but as coworkers and bosses, there is a lot to be desired.
Lately, things have soured. I got a warning that was basically fix this or we are putting you on an improvement plan. Since then I've talking to them, and putting effort into what they want, because there *are* valuable lessons there, and if I leave, I want it to be on the best terms possible.
But ... I can't seem to figure out what I should be doing to wind up someplace where I can better contribute. Both places I have gotten feedback that I seem defensive when discussing design work and I think that is a valid criticism. Since I came from another field and background, I don't always have the most confidence in some of my work. At the same time, I believe strongly in my ideas and put a lot of work in, so when there is criticism, I want it to be a discussion. I have also recently learned that only critical feedback makes me more unhappy and even less confident, which results in more defensiveness ... and so it goes.
So, the bottom line, given all the rambling: I want a position where I feel an equal part of team (with concomitant autonomy and responsibility), where I can have a forthright relationship with a client, and where I can grow. I am bad with hierarchy and obedience (and have been forever). Should I be looking for a new company, a new field, or some way to be more okay with cogdom?
Skillwise I am strongest at strategic and interaction design, strengthening my front-end skills, and a passable visual designer — if you have any thoughts at something that would suit me better. I have been thinking maybe product management, since I have a project background.
Ugh why didn't you leave a throwaway email? Mefi mail me or email me and I might know of a great place in NYC that might be perfect for you.
posted by melissam at 9:44 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by melissam at 9:44 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't think this will solve your larger issues because it sounds like you need a different fit, but this might help you while you figure things out: Accepting constructive criticism is a learned skill. One of the most important things I learned in the theater is that in order to truly benefit from feedback, you need to listen and sit with it for a bit before responding, if you respond at all. When you are invested in your work, it is really hard to sit there and have someone critique it, but with a little time to digest, it can actually be helpful and you can create a more collaborative dynamic. Also, when you complete a project identify three things that worked, three things that didn't, and articulate why for each item. I'm not suggesting you share this with anyone, but, it will help you figure out your strengths and weaknesses on your own terms which will make receiving feedback that much easier. I hope that helps & best of luck!
posted by katemcd at 9:47 PM on April 16, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by katemcd at 9:47 PM on April 16, 2012 [5 favorites]
Regarding defensive when discussing work, I'd suggest adopting a different approach, until you find one that works for you.
I find that my first instincts (when evaluating criticism of my work) are not as good as when I've had some time to think about what they were trying to get at and what might solve that for them.
Comments that seem unhelpful and reflect little more than a poor grasp of the situation sometimes turn out to be someone struggling to articulate something when not as intimately aware of the details as me. What they said might be wrong on its face, but they said it for a reason, and if I can find that thing that motivated them to say something, often it leads directly to a very real improvement.
In a recent position, a lot of the feedback has been by email, in which case, all I have to do is do nothing... ie resist the urge to reply right away, let it percolate instead :)
A similar approach for face to face would be to take every criticism as something that needs looking in to, so when someone says something, instead of even giving yourself the chance to be defensive, you just write it down so you can look more deeply into later. Possibly give them some context as you write if you think there are big problems, but don't phrase it as big problems. Eg "I might hit some complications in doing that, because it integrates with the XYZ system, so I'll check it out and see if we can figure something out". But basically, you're making a list, so it's less like discussion and more like marching orders, until you trust yourself to discuss easier. And later you can report back.
And sometimes people do make dumb criticisms, but don't shoot them down as such. People often feel like they have to walk on eggs when criticizing, you don't want to make it harder on them. They're doing you a favor, and it's not an easy or pleasant job that they're doing for you.
posted by -harlequin- at 9:59 PM on April 16, 2012 [2 favorites]
I find that my first instincts (when evaluating criticism of my work) are not as good as when I've had some time to think about what they were trying to get at and what might solve that for them.
Comments that seem unhelpful and reflect little more than a poor grasp of the situation sometimes turn out to be someone struggling to articulate something when not as intimately aware of the details as me. What they said might be wrong on its face, but they said it for a reason, and if I can find that thing that motivated them to say something, often it leads directly to a very real improvement.
In a recent position, a lot of the feedback has been by email, in which case, all I have to do is do nothing... ie resist the urge to reply right away, let it percolate instead :)
A similar approach for face to face would be to take every criticism as something that needs looking in to, so when someone says something, instead of even giving yourself the chance to be defensive, you just write it down so you can look more deeply into later. Possibly give them some context as you write if you think there are big problems, but don't phrase it as big problems. Eg "I might hit some complications in doing that, because it integrates with the XYZ system, so I'll check it out and see if we can figure something out". But basically, you're making a list, so it's less like discussion and more like marching orders, until you trust yourself to discuss easier. And later you can report back.
And sometimes people do make dumb criticisms, but don't shoot them down as such. People often feel like they have to walk on eggs when criticizing, you don't want to make it harder on them. They're doing you a favor, and it's not an easy or pleasant job that they're doing for you.
posted by -harlequin- at 9:59 PM on April 16, 2012 [2 favorites]
I can't speak to your longer term goals, but I can say this: going forward, accept all criticism as if it is intended to help you rather than criticize you. I know it sounds hard, but it isn't; you don't have to believe it in your head, just take all criticisms with "ah, that makes sense. I'll take that into account." Even if you ultimately won't. It sounds like you need people skills more than design skills, and so you might as well start there.
disclaimer: I was you more or less, twelve years ago, and life -- and my work -- got a lot better when I started responding to criticisms (valid or otherwise) with "yes, okay, I see what you mean...oh, and here's an alternative to consider as well" and such. Diplomacy goes a long way.
posted by davejay at 11:10 PM on April 16, 2012 [7 favorites]
disclaimer: I was you more or less, twelve years ago, and life -- and my work -- got a lot better when I started responding to criticisms (valid or otherwise) with "yes, okay, I see what you mean...oh, and here's an alternative to consider as well" and such. Diplomacy goes a long way.
posted by davejay at 11:10 PM on April 16, 2012 [7 favorites]
Oh, and my best line (which is, generally, actually true:) "That's a great idea, actually! Unfortunately, [limitation.] Which is a shame, because I really like that idea."
posted by davejay at 11:11 PM on April 16, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by davejay at 11:11 PM on April 16, 2012 [6 favorites]
Hello, it is me, question poster.To be more clear, I started as an Information Architect, worked as a UX Designer, and now my role is just Designer (though we have people who do the visual design, our deliverables are expected to be high quality; mine have definitely improved but they also knew I was not really visual-visual when they hired me). I would say my visual skill is that the level that I could make a decent clean Web 2.0 kinda site with good typography. It's not terrible; it just hasn't been my focus (so is not big in my portfolio) and is not what I love most.
posted by sockymcsocksalot at 11:18 PM on April 16, 2012
posted by sockymcsocksalot at 11:18 PM on April 16, 2012
Oh and thanks for the other responses. I will admit to not suffering fools well — at all. These are concrete techniques that are definitely worth attempting (even if they kill my soul a little).
posted by sockymcsocksalot at 11:22 PM on April 16, 2012
posted by sockymcsocksalot at 11:22 PM on April 16, 2012
I want a position where I feel an equal part of team (with concomitant autonomy and responsibility)
This, I think, may be the root of it. You like "strong process" but want autonomy. You seem to dislike intense oversight. Strong processes can come from a rigid managerial culture, but that can be problematic if you can't or won't adopt the culture. Strong processes can also come from a highly functional and co-dependent team, but again this requires adoption of a culture - which I can't imagine being possible while retaining true autonomy and while having problems with obedience.
Also, having difficulty accepting criticism is going to hurt. Certainly, if the person issuing the criticism isn't skilled at it, then it will be offensive and becoming defensive is natural. It's a real skill to deal with all critical responses. If you have a hard time of it, either work on responding neutrally or consider finding a suitable environment for your needs - maybe an agile shop, or freelancing, or some position where the work isn't so critical that it will ever be criticized (but risk low morale).
Finding a suitable environment also goes towards your dislike of hierarchy and obedience. I can't think of any other option than freelance, where you might be lucky enough to pick and choose clients, where you won't run into this dislike.
where I can have a forthright relationship with a client
Not sure how to tie all your wants together. Clients tend to have money, and do not like to be told "no".
It really does sound like you need a change, probably in employment rather than field if you really do enjoy development. As a dev, I'd be on the lookout for a small company or division doing work in an agile pattern where the teams are allowed to self-manage while being held to quality/deadline/etc standards. In the meantime, if it's not too risky, maybe even try doing some freelance work on the side and try being your own boss - even though this would cut into the personal time - because you might find your niche there.
posted by timfinnie at 11:31 PM on April 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
This, I think, may be the root of it. You like "strong process" but want autonomy. You seem to dislike intense oversight. Strong processes can come from a rigid managerial culture, but that can be problematic if you can't or won't adopt the culture. Strong processes can also come from a highly functional and co-dependent team, but again this requires adoption of a culture - which I can't imagine being possible while retaining true autonomy and while having problems with obedience.
Also, having difficulty accepting criticism is going to hurt. Certainly, if the person issuing the criticism isn't skilled at it, then it will be offensive and becoming defensive is natural. It's a real skill to deal with all critical responses. If you have a hard time of it, either work on responding neutrally or consider finding a suitable environment for your needs - maybe an agile shop, or freelancing, or some position where the work isn't so critical that it will ever be criticized (but risk low morale).
Finding a suitable environment also goes towards your dislike of hierarchy and obedience. I can't think of any other option than freelance, where you might be lucky enough to pick and choose clients, where you won't run into this dislike.
where I can have a forthright relationship with a client
Not sure how to tie all your wants together. Clients tend to have money, and do not like to be told "no".
It really does sound like you need a change, probably in employment rather than field if you really do enjoy development. As a dev, I'd be on the lookout for a small company or division doing work in an agile pattern where the teams are allowed to self-manage while being held to quality/deadline/etc standards. In the meantime, if it's not too risky, maybe even try doing some freelance work on the side and try being your own boss - even though this would cut into the personal time - because you might find your niche there.
posted by timfinnie at 11:31 PM on April 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
Perhaps you should try freelancing?
posted by parrot_person at 11:36 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by parrot_person at 11:36 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
Freelance.
posted by mleigh at 11:37 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by mleigh at 11:37 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
So if you enjoy the process of designing (UX, or visual) websites, or computery-type things, stay with it. I've had jobs at companies with cultures very similar to what you're describing, and I didn't necessarily last long at them, but my experience at those companies was separate from my experience in general as a programmer.
Autonomy and strong process also aren't mutually exclusive. Strong process just means not being in limbo. For instance, the second tech job I had had a very structured process for dealing with clients and client feedback. It worked incredibly well, and we never had problems with excessive change requests, or stupid make-the-logo-bigger kibbitzes. In no way did I feel like it hampered my creativity, and I never felt like I didn't have free reign to solve probems in the way I felt they should be solved.
OTOH, I've worked at companies since that didn't have such a strong client-facing process, and I'd get regularly hemmed in by crazy client requests for things they didn't know much about.
Brogrammers are terrible, and I want nothing to do with them, and I'm a guy. I couldn't imagine being a woman stuck in a dudebro mancave without clawing my own eyes out, but that's not every company either. I've worked in places like that, and that's maybe less than 5% of the companies you'll see.
Lastly, as far as getting defensive, sometimes that's accurate, sometimes people nitpick, or make trivial criticisms. Visual design can be hard, because everyone fancies themselves a bit of a designer, whether they are or not. If you don't feel like it's your strong suit, try to cast yourself as UX more than visual, and then research the hell out of every decision you make. Make sure that if someone second-guesses a decision, you'll have a blog post by a UX luminary (Steve Krug, Jakob Nielsen, Jared Spool, or their ilk) or a whitepaper to back it up with actual user tests showing that people reached their goals 5.6 seconds faster with X approach. People will still second-guess you, and you still might get called defensive, but you'll feel better about yourself.
Anyway, to sum up, if technology excites you, you have a bunch of tech blogs on your RSS reader that you check alla damn time, and you still want to learn new things, then stay with tech, because some companies can suck, but they're not all equal. OTOH, if you had a month to do nothing, and you could imagine not doing anything computer-related beyond reading MeFi, emailing friends, or watching movies, then maybe it's time to think about a new career.
posted by fnerg at 12:20 AM on April 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
Autonomy and strong process also aren't mutually exclusive. Strong process just means not being in limbo. For instance, the second tech job I had had a very structured process for dealing with clients and client feedback. It worked incredibly well, and we never had problems with excessive change requests, or stupid make-the-logo-bigger kibbitzes. In no way did I feel like it hampered my creativity, and I never felt like I didn't have free reign to solve probems in the way I felt they should be solved.
OTOH, I've worked at companies since that didn't have such a strong client-facing process, and I'd get regularly hemmed in by crazy client requests for things they didn't know much about.
Brogrammers are terrible, and I want nothing to do with them, and I'm a guy. I couldn't imagine being a woman stuck in a dudebro mancave without clawing my own eyes out, but that's not every company either. I've worked in places like that, and that's maybe less than 5% of the companies you'll see.
Lastly, as far as getting defensive, sometimes that's accurate, sometimes people nitpick, or make trivial criticisms. Visual design can be hard, because everyone fancies themselves a bit of a designer, whether they are or not. If you don't feel like it's your strong suit, try to cast yourself as UX more than visual, and then research the hell out of every decision you make. Make sure that if someone second-guesses a decision, you'll have a blog post by a UX luminary (Steve Krug, Jakob Nielsen, Jared Spool, or their ilk) or a whitepaper to back it up with actual user tests showing that people reached their goals 5.6 seconds faster with X approach. People will still second-guess you, and you still might get called defensive, but you'll feel better about yourself.
Anyway, to sum up, if technology excites you, you have a bunch of tech blogs on your RSS reader that you check alla damn time, and you still want to learn new things, then stay with tech, because some companies can suck, but they're not all equal. OTOH, if you had a month to do nothing, and you could imagine not doing anything computer-related beyond reading MeFi, emailing friends, or watching movies, then maybe it's time to think about a new career.
posted by fnerg at 12:20 AM on April 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
Even with freelancing you're going to have to deal with criticism and not criticism from experienced professionals who know what they're talking about, from clients... people who want you to make the logo BIGGER and make that text over there, bigger, redder, bolder and blinking (seriously, I have actually had a client ask for a line of text to be red, bold and flashing /groan). You can gently suggest what they're asking for is stupid and wrong but at the end of the day, the client is the boss, it's his website and if you want to get paid you have to give them what they want. Some client's are more receptive than others and if you have a link to a study or factual evidence that supports why you should do Y instead of X, I've found clients usually go with it but some are stubborn and have a very fixed idea of what they want - they've practically designed and built the whole thing in their head before they even spoke to you.
posted by missmagenta at 2:06 AM on April 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by missmagenta at 2:06 AM on April 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'm a web developer, working freelance. I am also a backend programmer - I don't do frontends, for the most part. So I got a partner, a really good frontend developer who can read my code and decipher the linkings.
The current joke is, if it were completely up to me, the web would be black text on a white background and no images, but be bulletproof and greasy fast. *laugh*
but back to my point. Freelance works and you can do things the way you work, it just takes some thinking out of the box sometimes. I do the deals and my partner and I work together on the project, and we work the money out after payment.
I know, not much of an answer, just trying to give a point of view from my perspective. I hope it helps.
posted by Woney at 2:42 AM on April 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
The current joke is, if it were completely up to me, the web would be black text on a white background and no images, but be bulletproof and greasy fast. *laugh*
but back to my point. Freelance works and you can do things the way you work, it just takes some thinking out of the box sometimes. I do the deals and my partner and I work together on the project, and we work the money out after payment.
I know, not much of an answer, just trying to give a point of view from my perspective. I hope it helps.
posted by Woney at 2:42 AM on April 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
Hard to say without having an objective view of your work and your environment, but if you do work in a design-related field, you really do have to learn to accept— and seek out— criticism. One of the things they teach intensively at design schools is critique. You spend 2-4 years having every project you do get completely deconstructed by your teachers and peers, and every little design decision questioned and challenged. And you spend as much time critiquing others. The point is, you learn about how to have a culture of critique. You learn how to defend the decisions you feel strongly about and concede those you realise are not crucial to your solution.
Something that might be happening here is that your company doesn't have a good culture of critique. It goes both ways. Just as you might not be very good at being at being on the receiving end of critical feedback, other people in your office might not be very good at giving it. There is an art to both giving and receiving it well. Critique needs to be constructive, and like you say, there are ways to do that that invite enriching conversation about the problem. Frequently, a conversation about a perceived flaw can lead to the whole team getting better clarity around the problem you are trying to solve. More importantly, you need to have critique from your peers before your clients see your work, because they will most certainly not have qualms about giving negative feedback if they are not happy.
Another problem I frequently see with designers is the inability to separate themselves from their work. Thus, any critical commentary on your work can feel like a personal attack. This goes back to learning how to have a good culture of critique, so that you don't feel so threatened when your work is challenged. One of the reasons design schools are so brutal about this is to make sure they break down that perceived link between the work and you as a person. If a solution isn't successful or needs improvement, it isn't an indictment on your intellect, skill, or worth as a human being. It's hard to maintain a professional distance from your work. It's something you have to consciously practice.
But again, it's possible that none of this is really you, and it's all about working in a bad environment. It is important to seek out a workplace that fits your style of working, and small design studios can be hugely influenced by a few dominant personalities, and therefore vary a lot in their culture. Take you current employer's advice to work on your ability to take critique, but also maybe start looking for another job. (If you saw the pattern repeated in another office, then maybe you could conclude that it had more to do with you than them.) If critical feedback makes you uncomfortable, try to seek out feedback earlier in the process, so that you can respond to input before you've invested a ton of time and effort into something. Also, ask them to work with you. Tell them how undermined you feel when you get negative criticism and find a way together for those conversations to be shaped differently, so that they are constructive and not destructive.
posted by amusebuche at 3:10 AM on April 17, 2012
Something that might be happening here is that your company doesn't have a good culture of critique. It goes both ways. Just as you might not be very good at being at being on the receiving end of critical feedback, other people in your office might not be very good at giving it. There is an art to both giving and receiving it well. Critique needs to be constructive, and like you say, there are ways to do that that invite enriching conversation about the problem. Frequently, a conversation about a perceived flaw can lead to the whole team getting better clarity around the problem you are trying to solve. More importantly, you need to have critique from your peers before your clients see your work, because they will most certainly not have qualms about giving negative feedback if they are not happy.
Another problem I frequently see with designers is the inability to separate themselves from their work. Thus, any critical commentary on your work can feel like a personal attack. This goes back to learning how to have a good culture of critique, so that you don't feel so threatened when your work is challenged. One of the reasons design schools are so brutal about this is to make sure they break down that perceived link between the work and you as a person. If a solution isn't successful or needs improvement, it isn't an indictment on your intellect, skill, or worth as a human being. It's hard to maintain a professional distance from your work. It's something you have to consciously practice.
But again, it's possible that none of this is really you, and it's all about working in a bad environment. It is important to seek out a workplace that fits your style of working, and small design studios can be hugely influenced by a few dominant personalities, and therefore vary a lot in their culture. Take you current employer's advice to work on your ability to take critique, but also maybe start looking for another job. (If you saw the pattern repeated in another office, then maybe you could conclude that it had more to do with you than them.) If critical feedback makes you uncomfortable, try to seek out feedback earlier in the process, so that you can respond to input before you've invested a ton of time and effort into something. Also, ask them to work with you. Tell them how undermined you feel when you get negative criticism and find a way together for those conversations to be shaped differently, so that they are constructive and not destructive.
posted by amusebuche at 3:10 AM on April 17, 2012
we work in similar industries.
the crazy work hours are quite normal when you work in highly dedicated creative departments. the phrase I have a life is disrespectful to the creatives there because you are negating the self-worth the creatives there get out of their product. you have to realize that these are people who didn't want to be the cog you complained about being right now. they care personally about the work they do and strive to excel more than others and that means often they put themselves and their peers under enormous pressure.
the alternative the job you are in now: less pressure, more reliable hours but what they want is predictability from you. they want someone who does what they expect, plays well with others, doesn't cause waves, delivers. that's a huge difference to the prior job situation, where the whole game is to outdo the person you are pitching against or sitting next to.
this seems to me to be a case of wanting your cake and wishing to eat it as well. pick one. also note that no matter where you work any company will ALWAYS have a few problems/things you don't like. the question is just if you can accept them or if you need to move on.
posted by krautland at 3:14 AM on April 17, 2012 [3 favorites]
the crazy work hours are quite normal when you work in highly dedicated creative departments. the phrase I have a life is disrespectful to the creatives there because you are negating the self-worth the creatives there get out of their product. you have to realize that these are people who didn't want to be the cog you complained about being right now. they care personally about the work they do and strive to excel more than others and that means often they put themselves and their peers under enormous pressure.
the alternative the job you are in now: less pressure, more reliable hours but what they want is predictability from you. they want someone who does what they expect, plays well with others, doesn't cause waves, delivers. that's a huge difference to the prior job situation, where the whole game is to outdo the person you are pitching against or sitting next to.
this seems to me to be a case of wanting your cake and wishing to eat it as well. pick one. also note that no matter where you work any company will ALWAYS have a few problems/things you don't like. the question is just if you can accept them or if you need to move on.
posted by krautland at 3:14 AM on April 17, 2012 [3 favorites]
The things you want--autonomy and so on--are endemic to a workplace's culture, no matter the industry. Obvious, I know.
But I think you have to decide which flavor of web nerddom you're aiming to work in before you then filter that by culture.
You say you're strongest in strategy and interaction design? You sound like a strategist or information architect to me. There are tons of such positions that work alongside visual designers (and thus require no visual design work). Some of these positions are in small agencies with a good culture and life balance. I know because I'm lucky enough to have one.
Lastly, do you follow innovators and thought leaders in the niches you're strongest in? They often have great advice from blazing these trails ahead of you.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 3:58 AM on April 17, 2012
But I think you have to decide which flavor of web nerddom you're aiming to work in before you then filter that by culture.
You say you're strongest in strategy and interaction design? You sound like a strategist or information architect to me. There are tons of such positions that work alongside visual designers (and thus require no visual design work). Some of these positions are in small agencies with a good culture and life balance. I know because I'm lucky enough to have one.
Lastly, do you follow innovators and thought leaders in the niches you're strongest in? They often have great advice from blazing these trails ahead of you.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 3:58 AM on April 17, 2012
If you don't suffer fools well, you have two choices - move out of client-facing positions, or learn ways to use soft power to manage clients. Part of agency life is dealing with clients, and either you or your manager needs to be able to push back in a socially appropriate way when necessary. If you feel that the management of this place never says no and doesn't consider team needs, then you need to look for an agency with an older working base (more likely to have sane hours) with less of the dudebro and "we run on redbull" ethos.
Others have spoken to the criticism part - that's something you'll want to adjust, because even if you move back to working primarily in UX and IA (which it sounds your skills are better suited for), you still need the ability to learn from others and parse critique for value.
If you think that working on the ability to deal with people you disagree with, or to accept and respond to critical feedback, "kills your soul a little" you may want to take a serious step back and ask yourself why this is. Because it will hold you back anywhere you go.
posted by canine epigram at 5:07 AM on April 17, 2012
Others have spoken to the criticism part - that's something you'll want to adjust, because even if you move back to working primarily in UX and IA (which it sounds your skills are better suited for), you still need the ability to learn from others and parse critique for value.
If you think that working on the ability to deal with people you disagree with, or to accept and respond to critical feedback, "kills your soul a little" you may want to take a serious step back and ask yourself why this is. Because it will hold you back anywhere you go.
posted by canine epigram at 5:07 AM on April 17, 2012
I got a warning that was basically fix this or we are putting you on an improvement plan.
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh! No wonder you feel like crap; you've been Lumberghed.
It's not you, it's Initech.
What your actual job description is matters far less than finding an organization that doesn't suck. Go do that.
posted by flabdablet at 5:10 AM on April 17, 2012
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh! No wonder you feel like crap; you've been Lumberghed.
It's not you, it's Initech.
What your actual job description is matters far less than finding an organization that doesn't suck. Go do that.
posted by flabdablet at 5:10 AM on April 17, 2012
If you don't suffer fools gladly, do NOT freelance. That said, the client often has a point even when they don't (like -harlequin- said) and it's worth finding it out as early as possible before you're married to your designs. Incorporating feedback early and often makes iterating less painful. I learned a wonderful little trick in a class on software design: if someone tells you that you should make x change, say, "That's interesting. Tell me more!" or if they ask you if x does y, ask, "Should it?" Not everything they say or suggest will be feasible, but some of it will be doable.
posted by smirkette at 7:11 AM on April 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by smirkette at 7:11 AM on April 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
Count me among those who say that if you don't handle criticism well or suffer fools at all, you do not want to work freelance. Unless you can partner with someone who will handle all the client side and translate criticism in a way you can swallow.
I'm a graphic designer, so I only understand the criticism of the visual aspects, which are totally subjective. (Presumably some of the other stuff has subjective aspects, too? Choices that could go different ways?) I went from working for a big organization and feeling hemmed in creatively, to working for myself for two years and realizing HOLY CRAP did I have creative freedom before. Clients are nit-picky and usually not very informed in their criticisms. Some, you can tell, simply feel compelled to change something, as if it's required that they do. But you have to please them anyway. And if you are defensive, hoo, they're going to hate you. Now I'm back working for a different big org, and what I realize is that in that context I am regarded as the expert in my field. People have opinions, and there is still criticism and arguing, even, but ultimately, people respect my expertise. With clients, I often felt like it was a question of "I'm paying you, now dance, monkey."
It's hard to do good work and, ironically, accept criticism when you don't feel confident in your skills. It sounds to me like you would be better served by focusing on the skills that you enjoy and excel at, and dropping the ones that you feel insecure and defensive about. If you can't do that where you are, then, yeah, probably a different place would be better.
posted by looli at 7:34 AM on April 17, 2012
I'm a graphic designer, so I only understand the criticism of the visual aspects, which are totally subjective. (Presumably some of the other stuff has subjective aspects, too? Choices that could go different ways?) I went from working for a big organization and feeling hemmed in creatively, to working for myself for two years and realizing HOLY CRAP did I have creative freedom before. Clients are nit-picky and usually not very informed in their criticisms. Some, you can tell, simply feel compelled to change something, as if it's required that they do. But you have to please them anyway. And if you are defensive, hoo, they're going to hate you. Now I'm back working for a different big org, and what I realize is that in that context I am regarded as the expert in my field. People have opinions, and there is still criticism and arguing, even, but ultimately, people respect my expertise. With clients, I often felt like it was a question of "I'm paying you, now dance, monkey."
It's hard to do good work and, ironically, accept criticism when you don't feel confident in your skills. It sounds to me like you would be better served by focusing on the skills that you enjoy and excel at, and dropping the ones that you feel insecure and defensive about. If you can't do that where you are, then, yeah, probably a different place would be better.
posted by looli at 7:34 AM on April 17, 2012
I agree with others that if you have trouble with feedback, you won't be happy as a freelance designer. It sounds like you might want to shift into a less-critiqued aspect of development, where fewer people have opinions.
I'm a consultant who happily works directly with clients, but my aspect of the work has to do with strategy and deep-level design, not the surface stuff that everyone sees and has an opinion about. I wasn't nearly so happy when I was doing visible production work and had to incorporate conflicting feedback about what I should change.
It sounds like you might also benefit from taking a different view of feedback. I got a lot happier when I saw it as a fun challenge to my creativity: it's hard to find ways to incorporate other people's requests and feedback while maintaining the quality of the product, and it takes a creative person to do it.
posted by ceiba at 7:50 AM on April 17, 2012
I'm a consultant who happily works directly with clients, but my aspect of the work has to do with strategy and deep-level design, not the surface stuff that everyone sees and has an opinion about. I wasn't nearly so happy when I was doing visible production work and had to incorporate conflicting feedback about what I should change.
It sounds like you might also benefit from taking a different view of feedback. I got a lot happier when I saw it as a fun challenge to my creativity: it's hard to find ways to incorporate other people's requests and feedback while maintaining the quality of the product, and it takes a creative person to do it.
posted by ceiba at 7:50 AM on April 17, 2012
If you think that working on the ability to deal with people you disagree with, or to accept and respond to critical feedback, "kills your soul a little" you may want to take a serious step back and ask yourself why this is. Because it will hold you back anywhere you go.
I want to answer this in case it offers insight. Accepting feedback I find constructive is not a problem. Refusing to ever say "that may not be the best idea" or saying "I'll think about that" when it is something I thought about, considered, and dismissed for thoughtful reasons is a problem. I have no interest in being mean or even being all "I speak truth to power" about it, but at the same time, social lying is something I am deeply uncomfortable with on a personal level.
The suggestion rom -harlequin- to find something valid in even the most ridiculous seems like an approach that might suit me best. That way I don't feel like I am just putting on a happy face to take someone's money.
(When I did freelance, I mostly had clients who appreciated that I was going to be forthright and have an opinion, on the level of "you hired me to do a job; I will give you reccomendatoins based on my experience." That seems to work better for my style of interaction than "we never say no!")
posted by sockymcsocksalot at 8:51 AM on April 17, 2012
I want to answer this in case it offers insight. Accepting feedback I find constructive is not a problem. Refusing to ever say "that may not be the best idea" or saying "I'll think about that" when it is something I thought about, considered, and dismissed for thoughtful reasons is a problem. I have no interest in being mean or even being all "I speak truth to power" about it, but at the same time, social lying is something I am deeply uncomfortable with on a personal level.
The suggestion rom -harlequin- to find something valid in even the most ridiculous seems like an approach that might suit me best. That way I don't feel like I am just putting on a happy face to take someone's money.
(When I did freelance, I mostly had clients who appreciated that I was going to be forthright and have an opinion, on the level of "you hired me to do a job; I will give you reccomendatoins based on my experience." That seems to work better for my style of interaction than "we never say no!")
posted by sockymcsocksalot at 8:51 AM on April 17, 2012
Speaking as a smart but difficult employee myself (and having managed a lot of smart but difficult employees since then), it sounds like you're making some pretty common mistakes that I also learned the hard way.
Smart, competent people want other people to assume we are smart and competent, because it's a big time-saver. The problem is that other people are used to 90% of their coworkers being pretty useless. Your co-workers are expecting you to prove to them that they can rely on you, whereas you are expecting the benefit of the doubt. Unless you have a previous history with them, bosses won't trust you with big things until you proven it with little things.
You're dropping the ball on the little things. I suspect that what you consider being forthright and process-oriented comes across to them as being a know-it-all that resists advice, especially given your self-avowed defensiveness to criticism. In the context of your story, being told you're "not being a team player or problem solver" sounds like code for "won't take instruction or advice." Be deferential. Do a good job with the projects you have (and adapt to their definition of "good".) Be friendly. Take advice, but also show initiative. Show that you can do great things given the opportunity.
You will never get that chance if you have an antagonistic relationship with your bosses and coworkers. Starting over from scratch with a new company is a big pain in the ass when you're used to having more responsibility, but unless you have a good enough professional network to feed you job opportunities, it's a skill you'll have to develop in order to keep advancing. Learn to suck up your pride and suck up to people for a time, until you can find ways to prove yourself.
If you don't, you're basically coming into an established work environment and asking everyone to conform to your way of doing things - which, frankly, is a bit rude. Even if they are doing things poorly, there is zero chance you will ever change that until you are a part of it. If you don't have the patience for that, get a new job. But your chances of finding any position that lets you do things exactly as you want from day one is also roughly zero.
It sounds like you have a pretty good group of people you work with right now, and that is HUGE. Before you throw that away, keep in mind that unless they are incompetent, no manager actually wants to keep their employees as cogs. Cogs are people you can't trust with anything important, and are a lot more work to manage. They are dying to hand you more responsibility, if they believe you can handle it. It sounds like you can, as long as you get out of your own way.
posted by chundo at 3:42 PM on April 17, 2012 [3 favorites]
Smart, competent people want other people to assume we are smart and competent, because it's a big time-saver. The problem is that other people are used to 90% of their coworkers being pretty useless. Your co-workers are expecting you to prove to them that they can rely on you, whereas you are expecting the benefit of the doubt. Unless you have a previous history with them, bosses won't trust you with big things until you proven it with little things.
You're dropping the ball on the little things. I suspect that what you consider being forthright and process-oriented comes across to them as being a know-it-all that resists advice, especially given your self-avowed defensiveness to criticism. In the context of your story, being told you're "not being a team player or problem solver" sounds like code for "won't take instruction or advice." Be deferential. Do a good job with the projects you have (and adapt to their definition of "good".) Be friendly. Take advice, but also show initiative. Show that you can do great things given the opportunity.
You will never get that chance if you have an antagonistic relationship with your bosses and coworkers. Starting over from scratch with a new company is a big pain in the ass when you're used to having more responsibility, but unless you have a good enough professional network to feed you job opportunities, it's a skill you'll have to develop in order to keep advancing. Learn to suck up your pride and suck up to people for a time, until you can find ways to prove yourself.
If you don't, you're basically coming into an established work environment and asking everyone to conform to your way of doing things - which, frankly, is a bit rude. Even if they are doing things poorly, there is zero chance you will ever change that until you are a part of it. If you don't have the patience for that, get a new job. But your chances of finding any position that lets you do things exactly as you want from day one is also roughly zero.
It sounds like you have a pretty good group of people you work with right now, and that is HUGE. Before you throw that away, keep in mind that unless they are incompetent, no manager actually wants to keep their employees as cogs. Cogs are people you can't trust with anything important, and are a lot more work to manage. They are dying to hand you more responsibility, if they believe you can handle it. It sounds like you can, as long as you get out of your own way.
posted by chundo at 3:42 PM on April 17, 2012 [3 favorites]
"That's a great idea, actually! Unfortunately, [limitation.] Which is a shame, because I really like that idea."
An even better iteration on this idea is to identify one strength of the idea. "That's a great idea! I can see that you are trying to solve problem X with this idea. But what about [limitation A]?"
Anyway, I think this sounds like a you problem, not a company problem, tbh. Learning how to work with people that value things differently from you is a skill that you will need no matter what coworkers, industry, profession you decide to follow, even freelancing. Really try to get these people on your side. Tell them you are honestly trying to do better, and you want more feedback as to how to be more successful. No matter where you go, this will serve you well.
posted by ch1x0r at 7:29 PM on April 17, 2012
An even better iteration on this idea is to identify one strength of the idea. "That's a great idea! I can see that you are trying to solve problem X with this idea. But what about [limitation A]?"
Anyway, I think this sounds like a you problem, not a company problem, tbh. Learning how to work with people that value things differently from you is a skill that you will need no matter what coworkers, industry, profession you decide to follow, even freelancing. Really try to get these people on your side. Tell them you are honestly trying to do better, and you want more feedback as to how to be more successful. No matter where you go, this will serve you well.
posted by ch1x0r at 7:29 PM on April 17, 2012
I will admit to not suffering fools well — at all.
Being able to suffer fools is a very valuable life skill, not a soul-crushing compromise.
okay, maybe it is both, but it is a very valuable life skill
posted by davejay at 9:08 AM on April 18, 2012
Being able to suffer fools is a very valuable life skill, not a soul-crushing compromise.
okay, maybe it is both, but it is a very valuable life skill
posted by davejay at 9:08 AM on April 18, 2012
The problem with visual design and UX is that everyone who looks at it has an opinion. Of course, they aren't aware of the constraints you worked with, or the goal of the project, or other givens. It's just their immediate opinion of what they see. (And it isn't their opinion of you.)
posted by exphysicist345 at 2:56 PM on April 18, 2012
posted by exphysicist345 at 2:56 PM on April 18, 2012
I don't have any suggestions about future work, but in terms of being a creative person working in an office with a 'team'... The popular psychology influence kind of reduces a lot of human experience and we expect ourselves to be cookie cutouts when we can't. There's nothing wrong with being defensive about your work. It's your work. There's nothing wrong with even being 'difficult.'
Don't try to change who you are. Go with it.
You can have idiosyncracies and strong ideas and influence. Observe people who are doing it. I think people are most influenced by a smile, conviction and the heirarchy. It can, as you say, have nothing to do with the quality of your work.
Navigating workplaces can be difficult for Gen X women, something which doesn't seem to really be acknowledged. As only the second generation of women to enter the workforce en masse, the doors were meant to be all broken down and we were going to just take the reins and fully understand what we were doing. We don't!
Once you've gotten a fresh perspective, don't write off teamwork entirely.
(Just wanted to give you some encouragement as another female who's in a similar situation!)
posted by inkypinky at 8:27 AM on April 19, 2012
Don't try to change who you are. Go with it.
You can have idiosyncracies and strong ideas and influence. Observe people who are doing it. I think people are most influenced by a smile, conviction and the heirarchy. It can, as you say, have nothing to do with the quality of your work.
Navigating workplaces can be difficult for Gen X women, something which doesn't seem to really be acknowledged. As only the second generation of women to enter the workforce en masse, the doors were meant to be all broken down and we were going to just take the reins and fully understand what we were doing. We don't!
Once you've gotten a fresh perspective, don't write off teamwork entirely.
(Just wanted to give you some encouragement as another female who's in a similar situation!)
posted by inkypinky at 8:27 AM on April 19, 2012
Oh and don't look for recognition of your intrinsic value here - that will break your heart. Know that it's only politics. Learn to work the politics. Politics will set you free!
posted by inkypinky at 8:36 AM on April 19, 2012
posted by inkypinky at 8:36 AM on April 19, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
...a passable visual designer...
This is probably the most visible aspect of your work, and so when other people see it, maybe they're not very impressed. They don't think you're doing a great job and so they feel resentment towards you, which leads to tension and the defensiveness you speak of.
If this really is the case, then looking for a different line f work, even if it's only slightly different, might be the right choice. Yo'd just need to find a job that doesn't rely on you for visual design. Unfortunately, in this industry (mine being the silicon valley software industry, which sounds like yours as well), it might be hard to find a design position that doesn't include the visual part. You might be on the right track trying to leverage your product management experience (but then, my product manager is also a UX designer, which involves a visual component).
If you really think that you really are doing a good job, that you can put your work next to your co-workers and it's as good or better, then maybe you're just in the wrong place, but that's not something I can know without seeing your work.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:28 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]