Help me get me career (and life) back
April 2, 2012 7:23 PM Subscribe
How can I get my career (and life) back?
Please excuse me as I need to make this explanation vague for legal reasons. Some time ago I was fired by my previous employer for gross misconduct. The company made false accusations to justify a reason to oust me from the company. Before working at the company I had an impeccable career and never received a single disciplinary notice. I quickly lawyered up and filed a lawsuit which is ongoing. The acts of my former employer destroyed my reputation. I am also finding it very hard to move on and get my life and career back on track.
My former employer is defending themselves by using scorched earth litigation tactics, personal attacks, and unearthing embarrassing information about my personal life. In sum, their goal is to destroy me; they're attempting to wear me down psychologically in the hope that I give up and abandon the lawsuit. It’s working to some degree. I am still unemployed and without any job prospects at the moment. The entire experience has left me traumatized. With my reputation tarnished, and a large questionable gap in my resume I have no idea what I can do to start over again to support myself. I’ve tried to retrain and enhance my skills, but the stresses of the lawsuit and constant rejection by employers is starting to make me give up hope.
After losing my job, I lost several friendships due to the strain of being unemployed and involved in litigation. I was surprised people who I thought were my closest friends turned away and failed to support me when I needed them most. I feel isolated and alone in this experience. I’ve relocated 6 times, I’m almost completely broke, and soon to be without health insurance. My parents are my saving grace - without them, I would be living in a shelter fighting a never-ending legal battle. I have no car and spend my days in their suburban home sitting on the sofa working on various personal projects and ruminating about the lawsuit.
My goal is to gather the remaining energy I have to get my life back on track and move in a positive direction while the lawsuit plays itself out. At the moment, I am looking for any job, career direction is not important. I have long term goals, but I don't have the financial resources to pursue them at the moment. I know there is a lot of suffering in the world, I could have a debilitating illness, for example. But I need to restore my hope and trust in people, and faith in myself. This debacle has made me very cynical about the human condition, and horrified that I could find myself in this situation again with another employer. How can I get unstuck and recapture the person I was before this experienced happened to me? Thanks for your suggestions.
Please excuse me as I need to make this explanation vague for legal reasons. Some time ago I was fired by my previous employer for gross misconduct. The company made false accusations to justify a reason to oust me from the company. Before working at the company I had an impeccable career and never received a single disciplinary notice. I quickly lawyered up and filed a lawsuit which is ongoing. The acts of my former employer destroyed my reputation. I am also finding it very hard to move on and get my life and career back on track.
My former employer is defending themselves by using scorched earth litigation tactics, personal attacks, and unearthing embarrassing information about my personal life. In sum, their goal is to destroy me; they're attempting to wear me down psychologically in the hope that I give up and abandon the lawsuit. It’s working to some degree. I am still unemployed and without any job prospects at the moment. The entire experience has left me traumatized. With my reputation tarnished, and a large questionable gap in my resume I have no idea what I can do to start over again to support myself. I’ve tried to retrain and enhance my skills, but the stresses of the lawsuit and constant rejection by employers is starting to make me give up hope.
After losing my job, I lost several friendships due to the strain of being unemployed and involved in litigation. I was surprised people who I thought were my closest friends turned away and failed to support me when I needed them most. I feel isolated and alone in this experience. I’ve relocated 6 times, I’m almost completely broke, and soon to be without health insurance. My parents are my saving grace - without them, I would be living in a shelter fighting a never-ending legal battle. I have no car and spend my days in their suburban home sitting on the sofa working on various personal projects and ruminating about the lawsuit.
My goal is to gather the remaining energy I have to get my life back on track and move in a positive direction while the lawsuit plays itself out. At the moment, I am looking for any job, career direction is not important. I have long term goals, but I don't have the financial resources to pursue them at the moment. I know there is a lot of suffering in the world, I could have a debilitating illness, for example. But I need to restore my hope and trust in people, and faith in myself. This debacle has made me very cynical about the human condition, and horrified that I could find myself in this situation again with another employer. How can I get unstuck and recapture the person I was before this experienced happened to me? Thanks for your suggestions.
Response by poster: filed for unemployment = yes, won = yes. benefits exhausted soon.
posted by syanora at 7:39 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by syanora at 7:39 PM on April 2, 2012
Have you considered the possibility that you may need to drop the lawsuit if you really want to move on? Lawsuits don't "play themselves out". They are intensely consuming. You've already experienced this.
I disagree with alms. Your former company is trying to destroy you. Why in the world would you back down in this fight? You need to keep fighting, as a matter of self-respect; even if you lose, you want to respect yourself for having fought to vindicate your good name.
I don't know, without more details, how we can help you very much in getting your life and career back. How gross was the alleged misconduct? Do prospective employers know about the allegations? What skills do you have? Is it the allegations that are making it hard to find a job? Without us knowing these things, any advice given here is going to be vague lifestyle advice, job search tips, or platitudes about how "you can do it."
posted by jayder at 7:43 PM on April 2, 2012 [6 favorites]
I disagree with alms. Your former company is trying to destroy you. Why in the world would you back down in this fight? You need to keep fighting, as a matter of self-respect; even if you lose, you want to respect yourself for having fought to vindicate your good name.
I don't know, without more details, how we can help you very much in getting your life and career back. How gross was the alleged misconduct? Do prospective employers know about the allegations? What skills do you have? Is it the allegations that are making it hard to find a job? Without us knowing these things, any advice given here is going to be vague lifestyle advice, job search tips, or platitudes about how "you can do it."
posted by jayder at 7:43 PM on April 2, 2012 [6 favorites]
I think you need to consider volunteer work. It will help you move forward and away from the lawsuit, help you stop focusing on the negative. If you really study the opportunities available in your community, you might find a new direction that could lead to a new career, too. But no matter what, you will soon realize how much you do have to offer and will do some good stuff along the way. It's a good way to break a negative cycle and replace it with a positive outlook. Give it a try.
posted by raisingsand at 8:16 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by raisingsand at 8:16 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
Can you start your own business?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:33 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:33 PM on April 2, 2012
Seconding the volunteer work idea. Make sure its a position where you are forced to be social. You need to be out amongst the charitible types now more than ever.
posted by lilboo at 8:41 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by lilboo at 8:41 PM on April 2, 2012
Don't back down. You must crush them. You have nothing left to lose, fight until they are burned to ash.
What's the status of the lawsuit? They can't delay judgement forever.
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 9:15 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
What's the status of the lawsuit? They can't delay judgement forever.
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 9:15 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: we're in exhausting depositions. they are estimating 3-4 days just for mine
posted by syanora at 9:19 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by syanora at 9:19 PM on April 2, 2012
Thirding volunteering. It pulled me up from a lengthy spiral of unemployment, depression, and distrustfulness.
My brother went through a similar lengthy fight with an employer for wrongful dismissal, involving all the dirty tactics in the book from their end. He spent a grueling time very underemployed supporting his family. It's done now- he won, and they can move forward.
For him, keeping up the fight was key to his self-respect and recuperating his optimistic view of world. YMMV.
Good luck!
posted by pickingupsticks at 11:02 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
My brother went through a similar lengthy fight with an employer for wrongful dismissal, involving all the dirty tactics in the book from their end. He spent a grueling time very underemployed supporting his family. It's done now- he won, and they can move forward.
For him, keeping up the fight was key to his self-respect and recuperating his optimistic view of world. YMMV.
Good luck!
posted by pickingupsticks at 11:02 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
As someone also in a lawsuit, I really feel for you. I don't know what we can post here that can help you, because I don't know what you've tried toward getting a job. If you do want help with that, post more details?
During the exhausting times, I was just exhausted. I watched these dark movies. Then, when I had energy, I'd use it as best I could, as I somewhat describe here (you'll want to replace "friends" with "parents"). I found it helpful to be realistic about how overwhelming the situation was and keep my self-expectations low. Perhaps focus on getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food until you get through depositions? MeMail me if you want.
posted by slidell at 11:44 PM on April 2, 2012
During the exhausting times, I was just exhausted. I watched these dark movies. Then, when I had energy, I'd use it as best I could, as I somewhat describe here (you'll want to replace "friends" with "parents"). I found it helpful to be realistic about how overwhelming the situation was and keep my self-expectations low. Perhaps focus on getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food until you get through depositions? MeMail me if you want.
posted by slidell at 11:44 PM on April 2, 2012
Response by poster: I wish I could post more details, but google indexes metafilter results and I don't feel comfortable revealing more about the case. I really appreciate the comments and encouragement thus far.
posted by syanora at 12:19 AM on April 3, 2012
posted by syanora at 12:19 AM on April 3, 2012
Whenever I have felt stuck or depressed, the advice that worked best for me was to create small goals for myself. Try to get out of the house everyday for a little while. If you want to volunteer, maybe one week find something that interests you, and sign up. Then go once a week, or once every two weeks, whatever you feel you can handle at the time. As you feel better and like you can handle more, go more often. You can apply this to anything you want to do. Everything you accomplish, no matter how "small" it may seem to you, is a step forward.
Same thing with your lawsuit. Try not to get overwhelmed by the enormity of it, just concetrate on the next step of the process. You can't make it go any faster, and worrying about what you can't control will just sap your energy. Easy said than done, I know.
And with finding a job, make it a goal to put in one application every day. Feeling energized? Put in two. Just moving a little in the direction you want to go, and giving yourself credit when you complete the task you set out to do, will give you the momentum to keep going. Good luck!
posted by random thoughts at 6:48 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Same thing with your lawsuit. Try not to get overwhelmed by the enormity of it, just concetrate on the next step of the process. You can't make it go any faster, and worrying about what you can't control will just sap your energy. Easy said than done, I know.
And with finding a job, make it a goal to put in one application every day. Feeling energized? Put in two. Just moving a little in the direction you want to go, and giving yourself credit when you complete the task you set out to do, will give you the momentum to keep going. Good luck!
posted by random thoughts at 6:48 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've not faced your situation except for the unemployment. I was. Extremely competent in my field but was laid off when the economy tanked. I know how something as straightforward as I've faced eats at your self esteem : it's not even your fault but you feel like crap.
I've been fortunate to get some scattered work in my field (architecture ) but there's nothing permanent on the horizon.
I just landed a weekend position at a big box store after years of trying. I was lucky in that it was a job few people WANT: cleaning. To be considered, I removed my master's degree from my resume and dumbded down my job titles.
I'm doing a great job and a couple of folks said so. The best thing about this position is that I'm around smiling people all day. You have to smile at everyone. It's overwhelming at first, but very helpful to the battered psyche. After two weekends I feel better. This is why people say volunteer work helps: smiling friendly people and a sense of purpose. Best of wishes in your journey.
posted by mightshould at 8:46 AM on April 3, 2012
I've been fortunate to get some scattered work in my field (architecture ) but there's nothing permanent on the horizon.
I just landed a weekend position at a big box store after years of trying. I was lucky in that it was a job few people WANT: cleaning. To be considered, I removed my master's degree from my resume and dumbded down my job titles.
I'm doing a great job and a couple of folks said so. The best thing about this position is that I'm around smiling people all day. You have to smile at everyone. It's overwhelming at first, but very helpful to the battered psyche. After two weekends I feel better. This is why people say volunteer work helps: smiling friendly people and a sense of purpose. Best of wishes in your journey.
posted by mightshould at 8:46 AM on April 3, 2012
The difference between a job and a career - a job you can be fired from. However, nobody can ever take your career away from you.
You sound like you are still passionate about your work. This is excellent, this means you will win. Make your career your focus. This lawsuit is important, and you will win, but you will win through hard work and perseverance. Coincidentally, this is also how you can take back your career.
I try to remember constantly to take things one day at a time, the future is a fantasy, and the past is an illusion. There is this present moment, and how you spend this present moment will determine the course of your entire life.
Rebuilding your career skills is going to be essential to getting back out there. Dedicate some portion of everyday to sharpening your skills, as a skilled butcher might spend sometime every single day maintaining their blades.
Also remember, baby steps, a human being can only jump a few feet, but we can cross huge distances by taking one small step at a time. You only have to focus on the next step.
Sometimes we need to take breaks, actually we always need to take breaks. When you have so much unstructured time, you must work in small bursts, hone your career skills a bit, then go do some hobby work. Work on the legal stuff a bit, then get outside and take a nice walk. Break up your day into little manageable pieces which have defined starting and end conditions so you can see your incremental progress build up. Keeping a journal with goals clearly spelled out for everyday can really help you see your growth.
Slow and steady wins the race is a cliche for a reason. This is not a sprint, and it never was. This is a marathon, and you are a top notch endurance runner. You are playing the long game here, and you are an expert at it. Relax, take a deep breath, this too will pass, all of this, and you will still be here, stronger, and more capable.
Cut through all of your mental fears and worries. You have support, and inner strength, and a strong work ethic. All three of these things combined ensure your survival. Since you cannot fall any further, now is the time to dust yourself off and rise.
posted by satori_movement at 9:33 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
You sound like you are still passionate about your work. This is excellent, this means you will win. Make your career your focus. This lawsuit is important, and you will win, but you will win through hard work and perseverance. Coincidentally, this is also how you can take back your career.
I try to remember constantly to take things one day at a time, the future is a fantasy, and the past is an illusion. There is this present moment, and how you spend this present moment will determine the course of your entire life.
Rebuilding your career skills is going to be essential to getting back out there. Dedicate some portion of everyday to sharpening your skills, as a skilled butcher might spend sometime every single day maintaining their blades.
Also remember, baby steps, a human being can only jump a few feet, but we can cross huge distances by taking one small step at a time. You only have to focus on the next step.
Sometimes we need to take breaks, actually we always need to take breaks. When you have so much unstructured time, you must work in small bursts, hone your career skills a bit, then go do some hobby work. Work on the legal stuff a bit, then get outside and take a nice walk. Break up your day into little manageable pieces which have defined starting and end conditions so you can see your incremental progress build up. Keeping a journal with goals clearly spelled out for everyday can really help you see your growth.
Slow and steady wins the race is a cliche for a reason. This is not a sprint, and it never was. This is a marathon, and you are a top notch endurance runner. You are playing the long game here, and you are an expert at it. Relax, take a deep breath, this too will pass, all of this, and you will still be here, stronger, and more capable.
Cut through all of your mental fears and worries. You have support, and inner strength, and a strong work ethic. All three of these things combined ensure your survival. Since you cannot fall any further, now is the time to dust yourself off and rise.
posted by satori_movement at 9:33 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
they may very well be terrible to you during your deposition. bring your concerns up to your attorney. make them prepare you for your deposition. remember that your lawyer is there for you and is on your side. take deep breaths. get into the habit of pausing briefly before answering every single question. bring lots of water. take frequent breaks. remember that you're going to be able to take their depositions too - likely, more than one.
i am a lawyer (not your lawyer, this is not legal advice, etc) and have never been a plaintiff. we do a good deal of plaintiff's work, though, and i would imagine that your depo will be first, and then it'll be over. don't let it get you down. remember that your lawyer has your back and is there only to act for you. keep reminding yourself that. you are not alone. they are there to fight for you.
posted by anthropomorphic at 8:06 PM on April 4, 2012
i am a lawyer (not your lawyer, this is not legal advice, etc) and have never been a plaintiff. we do a good deal of plaintiff's work, though, and i would imagine that your depo will be first, and then it'll be over. don't let it get you down. remember that your lawyer has your back and is there only to act for you. keep reminding yourself that. you are not alone. they are there to fight for you.
posted by anthropomorphic at 8:06 PM on April 4, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
Sadly, I think your choices may be to see it through to the bitter end or drop it and move on. Dropping it may feel unjust, but it may be worth that price to get your life back. As they say, sometimes you have the choice of being right or being happy.
posted by alms at 7:36 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]