EPIC FAIL MOVIES
March 6, 2012 11:20 AM   Subscribe

What is the single worst movie you have ever seen that is now available on NetFlix streaming? By 'worst' I do not mean 'so bad it was good' or 'campy bad' or any of the other things people who actually enjoy air quotes bad movies mean. I mean truly irredeemable or no value whatsoever.

My friends and I are doing a film club involving horrible, excruciating, no redeeming value whatsoever movies. They need to be available on NetFilx streaming. For example, the first movie we watched was "Amityville The Haunting". That is the kind of thing I'm talking about. I DO NOT MEAN things like Roger Corman movies, 50s camp, blaxploitation - anything that has actually earned a modicum of respect among film buffs. I mean FUCKING AWFUL. Thank you, good night.
posted by spicynuts to Media & Arts (189 answers total) 65 users marked this as a favorite
 
I have to say I felt that way about Spanglish.

Totally felt that way about Drive too, but that's not on Netflix yet.
posted by mazola at 11:27 AM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


We watched 3 Musketeers (netflix link, requires login) thinking it was the one with Milla Jovovich from last year. It is the worst movie I've seen in some time.
posted by cabingirl at 11:28 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Punisher was pretty awful. It's not camp, it's just consistently incomprehensible. And a clear attempt to cash in on a franchise with minimal effort. I couldn't make it past halfway.

Billy Jack was terrible too. It might be a little campy to some, especially for its 70's kitsch factor. But the story and moralizing was agonizing. I actually agree with some of the concepts, but their delivery is so painful. Oh and the terrible fight scenes.
posted by Mercaptan at 11:29 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Mission to Mars

It's on Netflix but I don't know how to tell if it's available for streaming.

posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 11:29 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Dead Ringers. Jeremy Irons plays twin brother gynecologists. A horrible horrible movie.
posted by Rob Rockets at 11:31 AM on March 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


I don't know if "Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell" is on Netflix, but never watch it.
posted by Strass at 11:31 AM on March 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Do you mean horrible movies like The Room, movies where you laugh a lot at how crappy they are?

If so, try Birdemic: Shock and Terror. Truly terrible. Completely incompetent filmmaking on top of dreadful performances and incomprehensible storytelling.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 11:32 AM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


Lifeforce
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:32 AM on March 6, 2012


There's a film called Mars that is done in a fake rotoscoping style, but really, really crappy. Picture Waking Life done in a basement with no care whatsoever with shareware. It was unbelievably difficult to even watch as much as I did.
posted by tremspeed at 11:33 AM on March 6, 2012


Oh, what about Uwe Boll films?

In the Name of the King offers up a scene where Burt Reynolds, on his deathbed, starts talking about using seaweed as fertilizer.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:34 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, it was so bad we couldn't finish it.
posted by amapolaroja at 11:34 AM on March 6, 2012


Crank: High Voltage. Totally incomprehensible.
posted by SeedStitch at 11:35 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


I ask that Dead Ringers be stricken from this list.
posted by mazola at 11:36 AM on March 6, 2012 [35 favorites]


Spider-Man 3. My boyfriend and I saw it in a second-run theater and got in a *HUGE* fight afterwards because it was so awful that we both wanted to leave in the middle of it, but thought the other person was enjoying the movie and didn't say anything and wasted 2+ hours of our lives on it.
posted by jabes at 11:36 AM on March 6, 2012 [8 favorites]


Lifeforce
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:32 PM on March 6


Oh no you didn't!
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 11:37 AM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender is available on streaming!
posted by Greg Nog at 11:37 AM on March 6, 2012 [9 favorites]


Deadfall.

This movie is rancid. It's got Nicolas Cage, James Coburn, Talia Shire, Peter Fonda, Charlie Sheen, and Michael Biehn. And is ridiculous. In every possible way. It wasn't intended as camp. I don't think--and hope--that it's not reached cult status. It is this amalgamation of noir cliches and makes no sense at all. At some point, they introduce a character with a metal claw instead of a hand, as if this noir-con film needed a Bond villain to put it over the top.

Cage plays an albino. Michael Biehn's voice overs are atrocious. Charlie Sheen wears a smoking jacket during his scenes. I did mention one of the characters has a claw for a hand, right?
posted by MoonOrb at 11:37 AM on March 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Also, you might enjoy my current favorite podcast: How Did This Get Made?, which discusses, at length, some of the worst movies in the world.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 11:39 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


I thought that Black Death was truly excruciating.
posted by Nimmie Amee at 11:39 AM on March 6, 2012


Ace Ventura Jr, Zoolander
posted by KogeLiz at 11:39 AM on March 6, 2012


Oh man oh man What the Bleep Do We Know is also available on streaming! Some awful preachy pseudoscience masquerading as depth. HIGHLY recommended for your purposes.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:40 AM on March 6, 2012 [23 favorites]


Hardware, which inexplicably gets good ratings on Netflix despite the fact that it's about an artist who finds a "sculpture" that she manages to re-build into a working android killing machine. It does feature someone cut in half by an elevator, if I recall correctly, so it has that going for it.
posted by xingcat at 11:40 AM on March 6, 2012


Crank: High Voltage makes perfect sense when you embrace the fact that Jason Statham's character fell out of a plane and lived. Once you make sense of that the movie is quite lovely.

In fact, "Fell out of a plane" is a catchphrase among my friends for improbable shit that you just have to accept. i.e. "Ron Paul's still in the primary race, must have fallen from a plane."

That said, Appaloosa was probably one of the worst westerns I've ever seen. All staring, next to no shooting. My husband fell asleep twice and I angrily kept waking him up because he wanted to see this mess and I couldn't quit watching it because I kept thinking something, somehow might actually happen.
posted by teleri025 at 11:40 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ok I appreciate the enthusiasm but things that have been major blockbusters or just aren't interesting or have confusing plots - that's not what I mean. Like Spiderman 3. Yeah that movie was bad as far as expectations go and how good the first two were, but it still had redeeming qualities such as some decent action, the people can actually act, etc. I mean like didn't even make it to the cineplex horrid. Yes, like THE ROOM.
posted by spicynuts at 11:42 AM on March 6, 2012


White Chicks, though I've never seen it and no Netflix Streaming.
Jack and Jill
Paycheck was incredibly stupid.
Analyze That - Didn't make it through because of the unbelievable unfunniness.
posted by cnc at 11:42 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Eyes Wide Shut did permanent damage to the members of my movie-watching group, and most of us got all the way through Jason X.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:42 AM on March 6, 2012


How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days
I HATE THIS MOVIE WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUNS! SO. BAD.
posted by hellomina at 11:42 AM on March 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Deadfall has potential - I've never heard of it. I'm suspicious based on the cast, but your description seems to be going in the right direction.
posted by spicynuts at 11:43 AM on March 6, 2012



Eyes Wide Shut


you really think Nicole Kidman full frontal nudity is not some kind of redeeming value? the set design alone is awesome.
posted by spicynuts at 11:44 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Maybe The Once and Future Queen got great halfway through, but I physically couldn't make it that far.
posted by theraflu at 11:45 AM on March 6, 2012


Blues Brothers 2000.
posted by mazola at 11:46 AM on March 6, 2012


I have to say Battlefield Earth (though I might be biased because I love the book). Despite having an A-list actor, it is an abomination. No idea if its on Netflix though.
posted by DoubleLune at 11:47 AM on March 6, 2012 [8 favorites]


"Watch Out" and "Socket" are two really stunningly bad low-budget gay movies.

"Watch Out" is about a narcissistic professor who I think eventually becomes a psychotic killer and starts dressing like Britney Spears. I don't really know. I spent the entire thing wondering what the hell was going on.

"Socket" is about a guy who is struck by lightning and then falls in love with his nurse, who introduces him to a secret underground group of lightning strike survivors who use electricity as a drug. He eventually becomes addicted and goes on a murderous rampage.
posted by jph at 11:47 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


GYMKATA
posted by iamabot at 11:48 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Oh hell, it's not available for streaming. Damnit.
posted by iamabot at 11:48 AM on March 6, 2012


100 Million BC.
posted by specialagentwebb at 11:49 AM on March 6, 2012


Holy SHIT I forgot about Gymkata. Too bad about Netflix. Helluva good call though.
posted by spicynuts at 11:51 AM on March 6, 2012


Eyes Wide Shut

Wow, even Kubrick's "worst" film has more to redeem itself than 90% of films released in a given year.
posted by tremspeed at 11:52 AM on March 6, 2012 [8 favorites]


Rubber - the trailer makes this movie about a killer truck tire look like the greatest most hilarious movie ever. Then you watch the whole thing on Netflix and find that with that potentially genius concept they've put every funny bit into the trailer, and wrapped it in a bunch of twaddle that desperately wants to be Schizopolis but is just pretentious film-school bullshit. An utter irredeemable mess of a movie, which is even worse because it was so close to being something that could have been great.
posted by Gortuk at 11:52 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Hunk is the worst movie I've ever seen, so bad that my 11 year old self knew it was terrible watching it in the theatre in 1987.
posted by something something at 11:52 AM on March 6, 2012


The Human Centipede
posted by VanishingPoint at 11:54 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


You could do a search on Rotten Tomatoes for movies with a <10% approval rating which are out on DVD (though you can't search for what's available on Netflix streaming.
posted by insectosaurus at 11:56 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I saw the recent Three Musketeers at the weekend and it does stink, James Corden is the shit cherry on a turd pie.

My vote goes to the first ten minutes of Space Balls, maybe it gets better but that is as far as I can get.

Lifeforce is not without merit, but criticism of Crank and Crank 2 is well beyond the pale; they are top action films, funny and stupid and make perfect sense within the world they create.
posted by biffa at 11:58 AM on March 6, 2012


(But I worship the Stath as a God)
posted by biffa at 11:59 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dead Ringers? Eyes Wide Shut? Come on, those were both great.

Came in here to say "Blues Brothers 2000," which is genuinely un-fun to watch.
posted by jbickers at 11:59 AM on March 6, 2012


Land of the Lost (2009) with Will Ferrell. Trust me, it's terrible. I had to stop watching it. According to Wikipedia:

The Wall Street Journal stated that it "isn't worth the celluloid it's printed on"
posted by stockpuppet at 12:01 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Also, Instant Watcher's lowest rated movies might be of some assistance!
posted by theraflu at 12:02 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


You can go to Instantwatcher and sort by Rotten Tomatoes ranking, low to high.

"Another You" is not on streaming but it drove people from the theater when I saw it.
posted by mikepop at 12:07 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]




Warrior of the Lost World was just exquisitely bad. Do yourself a favor, watch the MST3K version. I wish I had.
posted by steveminutillo at 12:12 PM on March 6, 2012


If so, try Birdemic: Shock and Terror. Truly terrible. Completely incompetent filmmaking on top of dreadful performances and incomprehensible storytelling.

You forgot the execrable CGI.
posted by zamboni at 12:12 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Dragon Wars.
posted by hermitosis at 12:12 PM on March 6, 2012


Dead Ringers. Jeremy Irons plays twin brother gynecologists. A horrible horrible movie.

Also, Dead Ringers is a masterpiece, and Jeremy Irons should have won an Oscar. Anyhow, art films should mostly be exempt from this pursuit, since they are polarizing practically by definition.
posted by hermitosis at 12:13 PM on March 6, 2012 [7 favorites]


The Number 23
posted by Proginoskes at 12:14 PM on March 6, 2012


Did you know that Vanilla Ice had a movie?

Neither did I. Until a couple of weeks ago.

I bring you...Cool as Ice.

Fun fact - the Female Lead role was originally offered to Gwyneth Paltrow, and her father turned it down.
posted by spinifex23 at 12:19 PM on March 6, 2012


View from the Top. It stars Gwyneth Paltrow as a stewardess.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 12:22 PM on March 6, 2012


Simply Irresistible. It's Sarah Michelle Gellar does Like Water for Chocolate if you replace the Mexican magical realism with a magic matchmaking crab puppet and a fog machine.
posted by nicebookrack at 12:22 PM on March 6, 2012 [6 favorites]


Not necessarily a movie in the traditional sense, but the worst thing that I've seen on Netflix streaming is Paul McCartney Really is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison.
posted by hwyengr at 12:24 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh yes, forgot I saw this come up the other day. Truly WTF from beginning to end.
posted by mikepop at 12:28 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


No Strings Attached. Horrible!!!
posted by duddes02 at 12:30 PM on March 6, 2012


Hands down, Transmorphers, a low-budget Transformers cash-in. The McCartney Really Is Dead documentary is really bad too.
posted by steinsaltz at 12:30 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Just bought it for myself to check it out (what's so bad about James Spader, Robert Downey Jr-before he was Jr, and Jim Carroll you ask?)...Tuff Turf. Pretty darn bad. Took me a day to realize the female lead is currently *starring* on Beverly Hill housewives! Who would have thought of using West Side Story-like dancing to It's Too Late?
posted by Saddy Dumpington at 12:31 PM on March 6, 2012


Don't believe them! Gymkata and Birdemic are both so bad they're good (Gymkata has a decent campiness, and awesome, ridiculously improbably pommel-horse-fu). And Birdemic is so WTF? There's at least one scene where the CG fx look like 2D sprites from an early 1980s video game.

Hardware is one of the few movies I've walked out on, and Battlefield Earth - free really was too expensive. Completely and utterly awful and stupid and not at all fun.
posted by zippy at 12:31 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dr. Dre and Snoop work at... The Wash.

And yes it is on Netflix streaming and yes I did watch it.
posted by elsietheeel at 12:32 PM on March 6, 2012


I can't believe we've gotten this far and no one has mentioned a Police Academy movie. Or for that matter, a Guttenberg film.
posted by spicynuts at 12:37 PM on March 6, 2012


The single worst movie I've ever sat all the way through (a long, long time ago) is The Stoned Age (1994). And it just so happens to be streaming on Netflix Watch Instantly.
posted by dgeiser13 at 12:37 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Reviews were extremely negative. Rotten Tomatoes ranked the film 79th in the 100 worst with a rating of 6% on the Tomatometer and was unsuccessful financially. The majority of critics lambasted the movie for its acting, dialogue, lack of humor, and crude special effects. Pluto Nash was nominated for five Golden Raspberry Awards in 2003, including Worst Picture, and was later nominated for Worst Comedy of Our First 25 Years at the 25th Golden Raspberry Awards.
posted by Rhaomi at 12:41 PM on March 6, 2012


Thankskilling.
posted by dortmunder at 12:45 PM on March 6, 2012


We just found this last night: Santos (2008).
The most expensive movie ever done in Chile is also - and by far - one of the very worst in the history of Chilean cinema. A box-office flop both in Chile and Spain (the co-producer country)..., poor acting and a dreadful direction make this an experience similar to the one you may have with an Ed Wood movie. ... A disgraceful step back in the increasingly interesting development of Chilean cinema.
posted by bonehead at 12:57 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Lady in the Water
Wicker Park
Starship Troopers
Showgirls
Smokin Aces
Total Recall
Baise-Moi
The Exorcism Of Emily Rose
Hollow Man
Adaptation

Somewhat in that order for me.
posted by bongo_x at 1:02 PM on March 6, 2012


By 'worst' I do not mean 'so bad it was good' or 'campy bad' or any of the other things people who actually enjoy air quotes bad movies mean.

Yes, like THE ROOM.

Wait, what are you saying? Which is it?
posted by bongo_x at 1:05 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


bongo_x, I'm pretty sure the OP isn't looking for a list of movies you personally just don't like. I mean, Chris Cooper won an Oscar for his acting in Adaptation, and Total Recall is pretty much famous for its numerous weirdly enjoyable moments. Showgirls is idolized as a camp classic. Did you read the question?
posted by hermitosis at 1:06 PM on March 6, 2012 [13 favorites]


As someone who has a lot of fun watching bad movies, and who finds horrible films like Troll 2 and Birdemic hilarious, here are some movies I found brain-deadingly mediocore and almost impossible to finish. These films have no value either as good films or as ironic, campy, or cult films. These are the two-day old refrigerated Taco Bell beef tacos of movies: just as bad for you, leaving you wished you hadn't finished it, but without even the guilty pleasure factor. In no way interpret this list of movies as something that will be fun to watch.

The Expendables: You know all the awesome bits from even the worst 80s action movies that somewhat redeem their existence? This is a film that attempts to be nothing but those parts as understood by a marketing executive. Boy bands always have the "dangerous" guy from the streets who is the bad boy of the group; this film is exactly as dangerous as that Backstreet Boy with a goatee. No, this movie is a Superbowl halftime show: lots of people who were somewhat cool or even edgy 20 years ago, now with current acts shoehorned in, doing abbreviated versions of the things that made them famous in a setting that is at the same time rushed and professional, that strips content of all context, and exists only for commercial purposes.

Paranormal Activity: By the time anything actually scary happens in this movie, you've become vaguely irritated enough with the main characters' overreactions to mildly strange things ("something dropped my car keys onto the floor!") that you don't really care if they die. At the same time, they're also inoffensive and bland enough that you don't actually root for them to die, which might offer some redeeming entertainment value. Some obvious possible responses to problems pop into your mind, but you won't muster enough caring to even heckle the screen as the characters bumble towards their fates.

Die Hard 2: This is Die Hard, only really bad.

Monster Dog: Okay, let me say, this is by the guy who made Troll 2, and I don't think I've ever had more fun watching a movie in a group setting than Troll 2. However, this is just as bad, but also, simultaneously, it is not any fun to watch. It stars Alice Cooper as a rockstar-come-monster fighter, but, his voice is dubbed, as is everyone elses. Not well-dubbed, not badly-dubbed like a Godzilla movie, just dubbed over with flat, cheap, joyless performances. It's forever before anything happens, setups are obvious, and the special effects, while bad, are kept off-screen enough that you can't even enjoy laughing at them. Fight scenes convey no more sense of action than a Mitt Romney campaign ad.

Failure to Launch: Unlikeable characters played with disinterested performances in a romantic comedy with a convoluted setup and no chemistry. Utterly predictable in every way. Periodically on instant.
posted by Benjy at 1:10 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


My friends and I used to regularly hold bad movie competitions, pitting Sci-Fi Original Pictures against similarly themed box office movies. Battlefield Earth was hands down the worst movie we viewed in that setting. Worse than either Boa vs. Python or Sharktopus, both of which at least had a recognizeable Aristotelian story structure.
posted by KathrynT at 1:28 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh man, do I have a movie for you - Lorca and the Outlaws, also released in Australia as 'Starship'. This is a cheap, shitty cash-in movie from the late Eighties, featuring a bunch of hair band rejects on 'the Mining Planet Ordessa'. I seriously thought I'd hallucinated it as my Dad and I found it languishing on the bottom shelf of our local Ritz video in East Lothian, Scotland in the very early Nineties when I was barely 10. For some reason we watched the whole thing. It is utter trash and completely incomprehensible, with shitty effects, wooden acting and a laughable 'plot'.

Here's a fantastic review of it.

Not on Netflix according to Instantwatcher, but if you truly wish to witness a nadir of filmmaking, get a copy of this film. You'll be sorry, oh yes you will.
posted by Happy Dave at 1:28 PM on March 6, 2012


Outlander. But I hate Jim Caviezel.
posted by oflinkey at 1:32 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Satan hates You. Aside from a cameo by Pauliy Perette It is dumb, poorly acted, or in most cases over-acted. Enjoy.
posted by Gungho at 1:33 PM on March 6, 2012


Party Monster.
posted by lizifer at 1:39 PM on March 6, 2012


Showgirls?
posted by kinetic at 1:40 PM on March 6, 2012


The Tree of Life. God that movie sucked. Some people seem to think it was great. They are wrong. All the worst things you could think of about Hollywood and art-house all rolled into one. Pretentious, humourless, overblown crap.
posted by iotic at 1:43 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


We all the know the worst movie streaming on Netflix is Birdemic. You won't be able to unsee that ever.

It is the worst quality film in every category conceivable...acting, sound, camera work, special fx, sdtrk ...

The only reason to watch Birdemic is to hear the Rifftrax commentary of it while viewing and then you get a pass and quite a few chuckles.
posted by stavx at 1:48 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Lord of the Rings, 1978 Bakshi rotoscope cartoon

I'm not a Tolkiener and I don't know the story other than from this film and I don't care. A "friend" tried to make me sit through this garbage several years ago. It's actually "Part One" and they never did the other parts, and I have no wonder why. So this one ends in the middle of nothing I mean something. At the time of release, Kodak and the EPA should have sued them for waste of plastic and chemicals. I'm not on Netflix so is the only Netflix link I can see. If they stream this, Netflix should get shutdown for air/ground/communications pollution. Oh God, someone put it on Youtube...
posted by caclwmr4 at 1:49 PM on March 6, 2012


Folks, this isn't "movies that are well-made, but you happen to dislike personally," this is a call for bad. movies.

Got sick a while ago and spent a Netflix Day In Bed. Netflix.ca, which has far more limited selection, so I think you should be able to get these on .com.

Lowlights included:

Feast
Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds
Feast 3: The Happy Finish
Spun
The Hitcher remake
Scorched

Spun was at least audacious. The rest of these are no-holds-barred bad movies.


Frankly, if you want to watch irredeemably bad movies, it's a simple three-step process:

1. Log in to Netflix
2. Select the "Horror" genre
3. If you don't recognize the name, click on it.*

*if it is a one-word name that is a synonym for "eat," "cut," "kill" or "power tool," you're really set.
posted by Shepherd at 1:56 PM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


People Under the Stairs. A "horror" film which is pretty much hour and a half of mind-numbing tedium punctuated by a guy running around in gimp suit.
posted by pintapicasso at 2:00 PM on March 6, 2012


The Joneses made me violent.
posted by thinkpiece at 2:02 PM on March 6, 2012



Frankly, if you want to watch irredeemably bad movies, it's a simple three-step process:


The danger with this method is that a lot of those movies, such a Thankskilling, are intended to be bad and are thus 'fun'. A movie such as The Room or Amityville The Haunting is earnest: everyone in it and everyone involved except the crew (who know better) actually think they've made something.

RE: The Room - I know everyone thinks this is so bad it's funny but I disagree. I think most people are trying too hard to like it because it should be so bad it's funny but it's not. It's just fucking AWFUL.
posted by spicynuts at 2:03 PM on March 6, 2012


It's Pat-pretty much straight to video, and with good reason.
posted by TedW at 2:12 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Man, I gotta second What The Bleep Do We Know? It's not just because it's bullshit: that movie was the most painful cinematic experience of my life. As in: about 15 minutes into it, I developed a coping strategy which involved focusing on the abstract shapes in the top 1/12th of the movie screen. I think I cried, the long slow tears of somebody watching their loved one devoured skin cell by skin cell by fire ants. I was dazed for two days afterwards.

Here's another movie I think would qualify, if it were available: Ator, The Fighting Eagle. This is probably the worst barbarian movie, and connoisseurs of the genre will know those are not words to be thrown around lightly. It is a long and boring story, how I came to watch this one. But it's awful.
posted by furiousthought at 2:17 PM on March 6, 2012


Aykroyd's Nothing But Trouble is perhaps the worst movie I've ever seen.
posted by oonh at 2:23 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


There must be something wrong with me because I genuinely enjoy many of the movies that other people have listed here (Land of the Lost, People Under the Stairs, The Room, etc). However, I have to say that the worst fucking piece of shit I have ever seen is whatever the fuck this shit is.

Basically, there's a puppet that moves around in the dark on some hideous cardboard set for what feels like an eternity. That's it. It's fucking torture.
posted by Lobster Garden at 2:31 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


I have a sort of love/hate thing going on with director David DeCoteau, and I caught part of Actor Slash Model on Canadian Netflix at a friend's house before we turned it off.
posted by RobotHero at 2:42 PM on March 6, 2012


I see The Human Centipeded above, so I´m gonna have to raise you The Human Centipede Part 2. No knowledge of part 1 needed. It is the only movie, to date, that my film buff ex-boyfriend has ever walked out out--and he legitimately liked the first Human Centipede. We spent a half hour or so after walking out of that movie talking about how it manages to be an argument against capitalism. (The argument went something like, there could only be a demand for such a movie, and it could only get made and produced, in a relentless, anyone-can-do-anything-and-succeed capitalist economy. Forgive us, it was late at night and we were reeling from an hour or so of disgusting amateur anal surgery footage.)

Warning; even if you think you have a high gore/bodily functions tolerance, this one will test you.
posted by ActionPopulated at 2:44 PM on March 6, 2012


(Note to anyone who likes Tolkien and the LOTR stories. That's fine. In my comment above I meant only that the 1978 cartoon version is a hideous criminal horrible etc etc etc production, not a comment on the stories)
posted by caclwmr4 at 2:45 PM on March 6, 2012


America's Sweethearts, starring Hugh Grant and Mandy Moore.
If only for the best come on line of all time: "You're the only person I've ever been attracted to more than myself."

Box office gross: $94,000,000
posted by kettleoffish at 2:45 PM on March 6, 2012


Flakes (I don't know if it's on US Netflix). I figured, "Hey, Zooey. This should be fun." Um no. I can't remember exactly why I hated it so much but I remember that I couldn't explain WHY I was still watching it when my husband came home.
posted by wallaby at 2:46 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


There is nothing redeeming about Mrs. Doubtfire. It isn't a campy good time. It can't be watched ironically. There's no drinking game to be come up with. It is just bad. Depressingly, awfully bad.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:48 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


To be fair, I haven't watched the whole movie, but this clip tells me Shark Attack 3: Megalodon is a good contender.
posted by katemonster at 2:51 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


The dumbness of Squirm is rivaled only by it's grossness. Good if you enjoy the idea of worms crawling under people's face skin. And if you think an electrical storm causing giant attack worms plausible.

This thread is so much fun to read!
posted by latkes at 2:53 PM on March 6, 2012


I only wish The Sandlot 2 were available for instant streaming so that I could fully recommend it here. Take the exact plot from The Sandlot, add a boys vs. girls angle, and remove all humor and any redeeming value. It makes me cry on the inside.
posted by BevosAngryGhost at 3:02 PM on March 6, 2012


Glitter
Crossroads (Britney Spears version, not Ry Cooder)

For that matter, nearly any movie starring an American pop star.
posted by pecanpies at 3:02 PM on March 6, 2012


Drive Me Crazy, with Melissa Joan Hart and Adrian Grenier. It used to be on HBO or Cinemax and was so confoundingly bad I just found it mesmerizing. The plot isn't so horrible, it's just predictable since it's basically a rehash of Can't Buy Me Love, but some of the component pieces are just ridiculous. Part of the conceit is that the high school's centennial celebration is coming up, so the senior class is giving the school a gift. The gift ends up being a 20-foot tall chrome and neon thing that looks like a giant Dalek.
posted by LionIndex at 3:19 PM on March 6, 2012


America's Sweethearts, starring Hugh Grant and Mandy Moore.

Do you mean American Dreamz?
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:31 PM on March 6, 2012


I'm an animator and will watch pretty much anything animated on Netflix streaming, no matter what age group it's intended for or even if I know it's going to be bad.

But boy oh boy, I was not prepared for the level of "BAD" that is The Dolphin.

I like to hope that anyone who rated this movie more than one star is really just trolling.
posted by Squee at 4:06 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I couldn't make it through more than about 20 minutes of Four Rooms. Then again, I'm not the right demographic for the random naked breasts in the first room...
posted by wiskunde at 4:09 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Can't believe I don't see any mention of Troll 2 on here yet. The documentary about it - Best Worst Movie - is actually pretty great. But Troll 2.... sheesh. That thing sucks hard.
posted by spilon at 4:09 PM on March 6, 2012


((Seriously, that movie is so bad it made me both capitalize and employ quotes to emphasize the word "bad" in my previous comment - I have no idea why I did this otherwise, heh.))
posted by Squee at 4:10 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Re: American Dreamz: that is a spoof movie. And hilarious. Definitely doesn't qualify (but soooo worth your time).
posted by DoubleLune at 4:11 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ice Spiders not campy enough to be... campy... and about mutant spiders where budget might have been better spent on puppets rather than horrid special effects.

Not sure if it streams.
posted by countrymod at 4:13 PM on March 6, 2012


The Hillz is the only feature film I've seen that includes a star wipe. Paris Hilton has top billing and maybe five minutes of onscreen time. Most of it is about a star athlete torn between his love for athletics and his murder-happy high school friends. Many moments of "who thought this was a good idea?" humor, no scenes played for yuks.
posted by vathek at 4:17 PM on March 6, 2012


I was on a zombie movie kick a while back and for some dumb reason I gave Bloodlust Zombies a chance. It was just... really awful. Calling it a B-Movie is immensely generous of Netflix. Saying that it's low budget doesn't even half-way excuse how shitty it is, since a group of talented teenage filmmakers with no money could undoubtedly dress a set better. The person with the best acting ability in it is the porn star lead actress. The whole thing is mind numbingly predictable, the incredibly poor sets ruin any suspension of disbelief that the characters are in a high tech facility, and as a bonus there is a high level of grating faux patriotism thrown in. Hell, even the zombie makeup is disappointingly subpar. On some level they were obviously aiming at a campy zombie movie, but they missed their mark by such a wide margin that it should be of interest to you.
posted by CheshireCat at 4:18 PM on March 6, 2012


Might be worthwhile to peruse Mr Cranky. He rates movies based on badness, though it is pretty tongue in cheek.

Make sure to check out "Goodburger," too. His favorite movie.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 4:26 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


My terribad movie club watched Cougar Club and Shark Attack 3: Megalodon.
posted by mismatched at 4:39 PM on March 6, 2012


There's a movie called Primal on there that's pretty awful. My husband watched it a while back; I spent the minutes I watched of it alternately cringing and laughing.
posted by limeonaire at 4:39 PM on March 6, 2012


bongo_x, I'm pretty sure the OP isn't looking for a list of movies you personally just don't like. I mean, Chris Cooper won an Oscar for his acting in Adaptation, and Total Recall is pretty much famous for its numerous weirdly enjoyable moments. Showgirls is idolized as a camp classic. Did you read the question?

Yes, I don’t understand the question, and apparently a lot of people don’t since most answers are either campy "bad" movies or movies they didn’t like. There is no other definition of "bad movie" other than "one you didn’t like" or "ones you think were badly made", not that I know of. No movies are inherently bad.

If you want movies that I thought sucked, I listed them. I would add American Beauty but I’ve tried to watch it 3 times and never got further than 20-30 minutes.

If you want campy, poorly executed, misguided, but entertaining I suggest;
The Apple
Phantom of the Paradise
posted by bongo_x at 4:41 PM on March 6, 2012


It was mentioned up above, but yeah, you really need to check out the How Did This Get Made podcast. At the very least, they provide a list of movies for your consideration. (Some movies they end up liking though, like The Punisher and the Crank movies.)
posted by painquale at 4:47 PM on March 6, 2012


Random Hearts. It was so bad it made me hate Harrison Ford for a long time.

Boxing Helena isn't on Netflix but Kim Basinger basically paid several million dollars to not be in that movie.
posted by artychoke at 5:01 PM on March 6, 2012


Delgo
posted by WASP-12b at 5:03 PM on March 6, 2012


Ghosts of Mars was one of the worst films I've seen.
Also Signs and seconding Lady in the Water- how does that guy continue to get work?!
posted by KateViolet at 5:07 PM on March 6, 2012


-KateViolet-
Ooh, I forgot about Signs. Ouch. I actually liked everything he did until that.
posted by bongo_x at 5:10 PM on March 6, 2012


Cannibal Holocaust
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:16 PM on March 6, 2012


flu birds. when it was on TV, it was called "flu bird horror", which is even better/worse.
posted by changeling at 5:17 PM on March 6, 2012


The incredible part of Signs is that you can pinpoint the exact moment when Shyamalan's career as someone who could be respected by anyone at all ended, and that was when the aliens showed up onscreen for the first time.
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:20 PM on March 6, 2012


I'm a little confused by exactly what's the right kind of bad, but I will submit the following: it's called Tiptoes, and by all accounts is terrible. A detailed writeup is here, and the trailer is here.
posted by O9scar at 5:25 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Taintlight
Retardead
Beer for My Horses

posted by ephemerista at 5:50 PM on March 6, 2012


This isn't on Netflix Streaming, but for horrible, you really can't beat Submerged. It's an action flick, set in Uruguay.

Uruguay was not amused.
posted by spinifex23 at 5:54 PM on March 6, 2012


The 13th Warrior.
posted by Prof Iterole at 5:55 PM on March 6, 2012


OMG 'A Day Without a Mexican' is actually worse than Gilliam's 'Tideland'.
posted by just sayin at 6:02 PM on March 6, 2012


Yeah, American Dreamz is amazing and hilarious, that absolutely does not qualify at all.

Anyway, it was my understanding (I have not actually seen this though) that Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny is the worst movie of all time.
posted by naoko at 6:02 PM on March 6, 2012


Alligator X
posted by meepmeow at 6:20 PM on March 6, 2012


Last weekend a few friends and I endured The Source (albeit, with the help of an 18 pack of PBR). From the imdb description:
Four outcast teenagers acquire mystical powers that allow them to become gods on campus, with deadly consequences.
If you're looking for awful, you won't be disappointed.
posted by aconcagua at 6:40 PM on March 6, 2012


I love bad movies, but Nasty Habits was the only one I ever walked out on. (A scandal in a convent is a thinly-disguised metaphor for Watergate.)
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 6:58 PM on March 6, 2012


Though not nearly as bad as The Room, I'm irrationally vexed by Netflix trying to shove TiMER and Wristcutters on me all of the time. They're both slow, dumb, boring movies that do nothing with their interesting kick-off premises. They're not even weird enough to be entertaining. Total wastes of time.

Dalekmania is much the same. A documentary about the Daleks? Great! Oh, it's about two old, non-canon Doctor Who TV movies? And it's framed with little skits featuring a creepy guy who is obviously the filmmaker scaring two children for no related reason? WHY AM I HERE?
posted by greenland at 7:21 PM on March 6, 2012


Trolls 2! Basically a terrible poorly acted poorly designed horror movie. Nothing to do with trolls or Trolls 1 and a thinly veiling criticism of vegetarianism to boot! My roommates pals just made a rifftrack for it.
posted by edbles at 7:27 PM on March 6, 2012


Dead Heat from 1988. Cops killed while attempting to arrest zombies, then become zombies themselves, hence can better chase the zombies, etc., something like that. Bonus for being an '80s flick.
posted by No Shmoobles at 7:45 PM on March 6, 2012


Agree with Squee on The Dolphin. Irredeemable is the right word.
posted by deludingmyself at 7:51 PM on March 6, 2012


Eraserhead. I don't know how to find out if it's on NetFlix.
posted by Bruce H. at 7:57 PM on March 6, 2012


Eraserhead is not on streaming. Sadly, Tiptoes isn't either. I thought I could watch Gary Oldman in anything before that. I couldn't finish it. But the movie this thread made me think of is Pauly Shore Is Dead (also not streaming, sorry!). I get angry just thinking about how shitty it is in every way.
posted by obloquy at 8:12 PM on March 6, 2012


I suggest Reindeer Games, which is indeed available on Netflix Streaming. I could barely make it all the way through (and I generally finish watching any movie I start, even the not-great ones). The plot makes no sense; the storyline is ridiculous. The best I can say is that the poor actors involved seem to be trying really hard to make it...less bad, I guess? Wow, it was really bad. I don't know how it ended up quite this terrible, because it was directed by John Frankenheimer and he made the original Manchurian Candidate! but oh my God it is so bad.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:28 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Gentlemen Broncos. Protagonist does nothing the whole movie. Nothing is funny. It's trying to be funny, but it isn't, and you get the painfully awkward feeling that the actors themselves know that the forced-weirdness (by same director of Napoleon Dynamite) isn't working, and they wish they were elsewhere. It worked for Napoleon Dynamite, but this--- this is just, no.
posted by np312 at 9:31 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Worst Movie Ever? Let me unreservedly suggest Joan Rivers' Rabbit Test.

One summer, my college drama club finished a work party, and decided to go out and see a movie. I was trying to make time with one of the girls, and went along with the movie that the group decided to see.

I spent the next 84 minutes hoping for the sweet release of death.

Runner-up: Shatner's Groom Lake. Not as painful as Rabbit Test, but an utter waste of time. Terrible.

(No idea if either movie is on Netflix, sorry.)

[A general point: No one seems to have said it, so I guess I'll suggest the ouevre of Robin Williams. Not consistently awful, but some astoundingly unwatchable movies over the years. (E.g.: Death to Smoochy.)]
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 10:08 PM on March 6, 2012


In terms of movies that were actually supposed to be good (not Megalodon or such), Muholland Falls is easily, after all these years, the hands down worst movie I've ever seen. Worse than Batman and Robin. Worse, somehow, than the Craft. It's garbage from beginning to end. It's like what LA Confidential would have been if you'd removed any kind of suspense about the plot, the script, the acting, the directing, or even the point.

It stars Nick Nolte, has Chazz Palmenteri, John Malkovich, and a decent enough cast. It's got a noir setting. Yet it's awful. There's a murder mystery (ripped off from Chinatown, literally), where everyone, from the beginning of the movie, knows who murdered the guy, and everyone just wanders around for two hours. At one point, one of the main characters dies after having been shot for no obvious reason. At that point, I actually stood up to leave, having had enough. The thing is, as I stood, the credits began to roll. There was no seeming reason for the credits to roll. Nothing had been resolved, more importantly, nothing had been established, after two hours, as needing resolution. It just goes, and goes. It's brutally awful.

It's worse than Mortal Kombat 2. It's worse than Mercury Rising. It's worse, by far, than Deep Rising (which is secretly kind of awesome). Hostel has more redeeming cinematic value than Mulholland Falls. If you want to punish someone, if you want to rabbit punch them with the Cinema of Pain, show them Mulholland Falls.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:36 PM on March 6, 2012


I'm not sure if it's available for streaming, but The Wicker Man is pretty painful.
posted by LoraT at 1:23 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Good Son. Your search is over.
posted by pianomover at 2:22 AM on March 7, 2012


Not to be confused with the incredibly awesome The Wicker Man.
posted by thinkpiece at 2:38 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seriously, nearly any cannabis, medical marijuana, or hemp doc. Netflix Streaming is like a hospice where these come to die, and they're almost universally low-budget, haphazardly made--and universally panned. The cannabis stand-up "comedies" are particularly grim and make 1970s Cheech and Chong appear like the pinnacle of Chaplinesque humor.

Also, a shit-load of other documentaries. In fact, if it's a documentary and doesn't have "Wild China" in the title, it's likely to be a stinker at Netflix. In this category I'd include dreck like "The Secret"; dunno if it's still available.
posted by Gordion Knott at 2:46 AM on March 7, 2012


Starcrash
Bonus 1: The Hoff
Bonus 2: Caroline Munro

Oh, and maybe Sharktopus, but I rather enjoyed that.
posted by arzakh at 4:55 AM on March 7, 2012


Legally Blonde 2.
I LOVE the first one. The second one I had to stop bout 15 minutes in. It just didn't make any sense AT ALL. Utter gibberish.
posted by like_neon at 5:11 AM on March 7, 2012


This is a seriously fun thread. Obviously there are going to be suggestions in here that I can't favorite without seeing the movies so don't think just cuz I didn't favorite your suggestion that it's not going to be taken into consideration. Keep em coming!
posted by spicynuts at 7:04 AM on March 7, 2012


I was hoping that Parents was going to be in at least one of the "air quotes" categories, but it wasn't. It was just... bad.
posted by slenderloris at 7:23 AM on March 7, 2012


The Penthouse, really bad movie, obviously low budget, but just bad. The funniest part has to be them trying to make us think that the apartment in the movie is a glamorous penthouse, when it really looks like some old warehouse apartment they found to film in.
posted by devonia at 7:52 AM on March 7, 2012


Drop Dead Gorgeous. Please tell me I'm not the only one who felt tortured by this movie.
posted by stubie at 8:00 AM on March 7, 2012


There was a movie (mid 1980s) that had two black actors (bill cosby?) dressed up in sherlock holmes costumes searching for ghosts in a haunted house. Undeniably the worst movie of all time. I searched so hard to find out what it was called but I suspect it sucked so hard it collapsed on itself and disappeared from existance (thank god).
posted by kookywon at 9:12 AM on March 7, 2012


Infection: The Invasion Begins isn't as spectacularly bad as Birdemic, but the production values aren't much better.
posted by kimota at 9:33 AM on March 7, 2012


I rushed back in here to suggest "Caligula," but saw that it was no longer streaming on Netflix. It has in the past, though, and I think is a very credible choice for one of the most horrid films ever made. The acting (Peter O'Toole and Helen Mirren? Really?), dialogue, plot, and production values are just horrendous. So keep an eye out for it if it reappears as a streaming option.

I'm having trouble accounting for "expectations gap" in assessing if a movie is really terrible. This obviously figures into a lot of people's evaluations, because movies like "Reindeer Games" may indeed be wretched, but part of that wretchedness has to account for a movie's failure to meet expecations. So a movie directed by John Frankenheimer with stars like Gary Sinise, Charlize Theron, and Ben Affleck promises to be at best good and at worst a guilty-pleasure type diversion, and we get angry when it fails to meet even the relatively low standard of the guilty-pleasure type diversion.

So I've come around to thinking that the types of movies you're looking for are movies that set expecations very low and then fall shockingly short of meeting them. Movies with reasonable (or good, or even excellent) production values, like "Signs," will never be in this mix. But movies that shoot low and fail to make it even to that exceptionally low bar would seem to be what you're looking for.
posted by MoonOrb at 9:50 AM on March 7, 2012


A method rather than a specific title: search for keyword "Lovecraft". Some serious shit movies on streaming. And they tend to be really self-serious, too!
posted by snoe at 9:57 AM on March 7, 2012


Howard the Duck. Not on streaming, which means fewer people will waste 2 hours of their life. It's a net benefit to society.
posted by desjardins at 10:12 AM on March 7, 2012


The Avengers. Comically disastrously overwhelmingly bad. As if someone bought the three shittiest screenplays they could and made a movie by filming random pages in random order.

Also, Sean Connery in a giant bear suit.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 10:21 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Grantland has a whole column about this. There's an entire world of bad movies most people aren't aware of, where the level of technique is so low and the script is so dire that you genuinely can't believe someone managed to A) Raise at least a million dollars to finance it B) Convince actors you've heard of to be in it and C) Get it released by an actual distribution company. They're horrible, but horrible in the most banal way possible. They've never been reviewed by a major publication and the actors will never acknowledge they exist. You can usually find them on IFC or Cinemax at 7 in the morning, but now Netflix allows whole new avenues through which they can languish.
posted by Smallpox at 10:29 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Masked and Anonymous.

Bob Dylan is trying to put on a concert to save North America. Or something. But its so bad. Completely incomprehensible. Dylan just stands there and mumbles occasionally; there's occasional musical interludes. Nobody does anything. Nothing happens. It's mind-numbingly boring. It only took 20 days to make, apparently. The production design looks like a school play. There's random meaningless cameos. It's hands-down the worst film I've ever watched.
posted by agfa8x at 11:09 AM on March 7, 2012


- Pickman's Next Top Model-

Oh, The Avengers was such a disappointment. I am a huge fan of the series, but at the time this came out there was no way to see it except bootleg video tapes. At that point I hadn’t seen it since I was a kid and was floored and so excited that it was coming out. And then I sat there in the theater with my wife (who’d never seen the show) saying "I don’t get it" and me saying "I don’t remember the show being like this".
posted by bongo_x at 11:17 AM on March 7, 2012


Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie.

/Thread
posted by SugarFreeGum at 11:20 AM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


Funny Games is skillfully directed, well-shot, and basically designed to hurt the viewer as much as possible. I saw in theaters it with a friend, and managed to sit through almost all of it before we managed to communicate to each other how unhappy we were.
posted by catalytics at 11:25 AM on March 7, 2012


I don't have netflix, so I can't tell if this is streaming or not, but google cache suggests it is. It's called Strange Things Happen At Sundown, and it's just... unbelievably bad. A friend and I rented it a few years ago in a misguided fit of whimsy, and ended up just staring blankly in horror at it for ages. I think in the end we gave up about three-quarters of the way through (it's over two hours long and feels much longer). It has vampires, vampire gangster drug dealers, Death stalking around in a hood, Death's wife in an unexpectedly comic turn, a mysterious woman whose calling card is a single black rose, vampire born-again Christians, and lots and lots of shots of people writhing on the floor kicking their legs around. We thought at first that it was some kind of film school project because all the actors appeared to be under 25, even those playing obviously older roles. IMDB has a summary of the somewhat convoluted plot. It has no redeeming features.
posted by Acheman at 12:40 PM on March 7, 2012


Sex Lives of the Potato Men.

The Happening is a dreadful, dreadful film, too. The characters are dull as ditch water, and the plot makes no sense whatsoever.
posted by meronym at 3:24 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Legally Blonde 2.


Is a masterpiece compared to Legally Blonde 3. The story is reese witherspoon's twin British cousins go to school in the US and are bullied. It bears virtually no relation to its predecessors and the script stumbles from one set piece to another as if written by a man who knows jokes exist but has never seen or heard one.
posted by biffa at 4:34 PM on March 7, 2012


I was going to second Legally Blonde 2 (probably the worst thing I've ever seen in the theater) until the above comment.

Don't listen to stubie, Drop Dead Gorgeous is amazing.
posted by naoko at 5:30 PM on March 7, 2012


I watched Limitless once. It's an awful, awful movie that is infuriatingly stupid. It's that much worse because the acting isn't actually bad (hell, it's got De Nero in it), but god damn if it's not one of the dumbest plots and stories I've seen recently.

Wanted was pretty crappy too.

A lot of people feel that the second and third Matrix movies were shitty. I am one of those people.
posted by spiderskull at 6:22 PM on March 7, 2012


Cut Away. A film from 2000 featuring Tom Berenger, Stephen Baldwin, Dennis Rodman as drug dealing competitive skydivers.

Possibly the best bad movie I've ever seen.
posted by JimmyJames at 7:16 PM on March 7, 2012


I've seen Howard the Duck a few dozen times, and Crank and Crank 2 are masterpieces of American cinema.

That said, four movies with no redeeming value that I've been able to find, even with liberal application of gin:
The Double-D Avenger, Equilibrium, Bitch Slap, Cube.
posted by talldean at 7:22 PM on March 7, 2012


8213: Gacy House
posted by quatsch at 7:52 PM on March 7, 2012


Equilibrium

How dare you sir! The Cleric will be along shortly to slap that gin out of your hand!

But seriously, Equilibrium exists in that rarified air of movies that had a pretty cool idea (essentially gun-fu, which in the movie was developed through the study of the position of the body during gun fights, and is the style of gun fighting where the body is where the bullets aren't, and no, really, it could have been pretty badass) and then just throws the awesome idea on the kindling of crap that is the movie built around the idea.

It's awful. But it has Sean Bean and Christian Bale. Still awful though.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:54 AM on March 8, 2012


Dirty Work came on last night while I puttered around. Wow, is that bad. Apparently not available on NetFlix streaming, though.
posted by chazlarson at 7:41 AM on March 8, 2012


I thought Drop Dead Gorgeous was OK, but then it was shot in the town where I live. Maybe I was engaged just watching for all the geography distortions that seem to be common in MN movies [see Fargo, Joe Somebody, etc.]
posted by chazlarson at 7:44 AM on March 8, 2012


Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie.

Mind officially blown
posted by spicynuts at 4:44 PM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


oh, Night at the Golden Eagle. Ugh.
posted by bongo_x at 7:19 PM on March 8, 2012


Tough crowd. Dirty Work made me laugh until I cried, twice, one time due to Adam Sandler, who I can't normally stand outside of Punch Drunk Love type films.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:35 AM on March 9, 2012


Cruel Intentions 2
posted by lioness at 8:03 AM on March 9, 2012


The worst movie on Netflix that I've seen is The Astronaut Farmer.

Billy Bob Thornton phones it in as a farmer that builds a freakin' rocket ship from scratch. Tries to launch it, fails in hilarious and unbelievable fashion AND THEN BUILDS ANOTHER ROCKET. Clearly he was farming diamonds to afford TWO rockets.

Oh, and somewhere in there Bruce Willis makes a cameo.
posted by Blandanomics at 11:39 AM on March 9, 2012


I don't know if it's on netflicks streaming but the worse film I have ever seen is Sex Lives Of The Potato Men. It's fucking Cthulhu. It's the only film I've watched that made me feeling physical ill while I was watching it. It took me three attempts to get through it but I was determined to see it off and I felt like I had conquered the Everest of bad movies when I had finished it. It's actually got some talented British actors in it but the script is so toxic and unfunny it has to been seen to be believed.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:36 AM on March 10, 2012


Glad this thread is still alive... Because I remembered Lambada. It costars Melora Hardin, who plays Jan Levinson-Gould on The Office, and it's about a guy who leads a double life as a math teacher and a lambada dancer.

After impressing kids with his lambada skills, he then teaches them math.

It includes a reference to the "rectangular coordinate system" as a sexual double-entendre.
posted by alphanerd at 1:01 PM on March 10, 2012


Hand's down, the worst movie I've ever seen. Prepare to bleach your eyes and soul if you manage to sit through this one:

Salo - Netflix

Salo - IMDB
posted by cyniczny at 7:51 AM on March 11, 2012


No idea if it is on Netflix yet, but Iron Sky should have been campy bad, but was actually mind-damagingly bad-bad.
posted by molecicco at 7:46 AM on March 12, 2012


American Psycho 2
Death Bed -- thank you Patton Oswalt for that gem!
posted by baconandvodka at 11:34 AM on March 12, 2012


Orca. Clearly the producers were trying to cash in on the success of Jaws as fast as possible. So very, very bad.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 8:33 PM on April 16, 2012


Very late to the party, but I can't believe no one has mentioned these two:
Leonard Part 6 - Bill Cosby trying to make a satirical James Bond movie and failing badly. It's like watching a stand-up comic dying on stage in movie form. So many jokes fall flat and lifeless.
Hudson Hawk - "Is it vanity fare from a star no one dared say no to? Bingo. If one daring soul had told star-producer-cowriter Bill Cosby that Leonard had fleas, he might never have had to disown the final film. It's well known that Bruce Willis rewrote much of Hawk's dialogue on the set, but didn't anyone tell him the ''improvements'' weren't funny? Didn't anyone have the nerve to say that a smirk isn't a character, that in-jokes are unfilmable, that audiences don't enjoy being treated with contempt? Of course not: That person would have been fired. The joke is that if Willis had showed any conviction at all, Hudson Hawk might have been better — but it also might have been a truly monumental disaster, the kind you can't take your eyes off. It's neither. It's just bad."
posted by benzenedream at 11:01 PM on April 22, 2012


Another classic to add to the list - "1313: UFO Invasion"

SO BAD.
posted by jph at 9:42 AM on April 24, 2012


HUDSON HAWK IS AWESOME AND I WILL FIGHT ANY MAN-JACK WHO SAYS OTHERWISE
posted by Shepherd at 1:49 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh that Leonard Part 6 breakdown is golden. This is a very good description of (one of the reasons) Iron Sky is so, so, so terrible:

"7. Woah, woah. Slow down, Egghead. Violating comic principles…What do you mean?

Leonard, Part 6 is visibly trying to be funny, which is a mistake. It doesn’t conceal, it doesn’t apply any artistry to its humor—the jokes just appear and are left hanging there, because they’re naturally funny, right? Well, no. Because a joke that is trying to be funny—that is insisting on itself as funny is actually not funny at all. In a comic universe, there has to be an underlining logic—a sensible underpinning that informs the action, and gives it a baseline to play against ironically."

posted by molecicco at 5:51 AM on May 9, 2012


Sadly I don't think it's out on netflix, but you might be able to find it to watch online: Collision Course (2012), starring Tia Carrere and Dee Wallace. A plane carrying Tia home to her daughter gets enveloped by a mysterious yellow fog solar flare and I think she has to fly the plane or something. I'm about 15 minutes in as I type this and it's brilliantly bad.

Also starring someone who looks like Tom Berenger's older brother.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 7:28 PM on December 18, 2012


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