I'm giving my notice after 15 years and wondering the reaction I can expect to receive.

March 6, 2012 10:52 AM

I plan on submitting my resignation to my boss tomorrow. I have worked for the company for over 15 years, the last 7 in a senior management role. My boss (who is also the president of the company) and I have not always seen eye to eye but we have a pretty good relationship these days. I plan on giving her just over 7 weeks notice.

I have a standing monthly meeting with her and the next meeting is scheduled for tomorrow. I figured this would be the best time to submit it.

I’m honestly terrified of this meeting. I don’t know what she’s going to do. I know that no matter what, I’ve made my decision and I will be leaving. She just tends to be unpredictable with these types of things and I'd hate to set a negative tone with our relationship during the time I have left

I was just hoping there might be others out there who have been in my boss’s shoes that can tell me how she might react and what I can expect.

It’s a smaller company of about 150 employees where politics can quickly run rampant. In case it matters, I don’t have another job waiting for me. I am moving out of the province with my family in tow. I’ll be starting fresh and likely will remain unemployed for a long period of time.

Any thoughts?

posted by VanishingPoint to Work & Money (23 answers total)

So you question is "how do you think my boss will react?"

Quite a few variables there, doncha think?

I'd be prepared for "well, your resignation is effective immediately."

Other than that, hard to say.
posted by craven_morhead at 10:58 AM on March 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

I would submit the resignation at least at next month's meeting, or preferably at the absolute minimum time legally mandated in your jurisdiction.

Seven weeks' notice is far too much time, especially with an unpredictable boss, unless you are prepared to be unemployed starting tomorrow right after the meeting.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 10:59 AM on March 6, 2012 [29 favorites]

Very little upside to be gained by giving such a long notice period.
posted by zeikka at 10:59 AM on March 6, 2012 [7 favorites]

I don't have a whole lot to offer here, but I wanted to say that if this has been your only job (and thus your only professional reference) for the last 15 years, you might want to treat your boss with kid gloves on this one. Seven weeks might be a bit over-generous, however. Maybe give notice at next month's meeting?

Good luck with your resignation and your move!
posted by brand-gnu at 10:59 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Do what you can to frame it as a "family" choice and reiterate how much you've appreciated your experience there. Offering 7 weeks notice, and help in finding your placement, will be magnanimous of you and should be viewed kindly by her.

But, yeah, be prepared for her to tell you that your resignation is effective immediately. Not a smart decision on her part, but either way, in the long run, you'll be fine - you've made your decision.
posted by ldthomps at 11:04 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

As senior management it's generally better to give a bit of extra notice if possible since you are probably doing things that are critical to your business's operation that will have to be documented, handed off, etc. It also takes longer to recruit at senior levels than at lower levels. I don't know what the appropriate amount of time is for your business and role, so I'll assume your seven weeks is a thoughtful minimum plus a small amount of cushion.

Obviously, you are not enslaved so you could just not show up tomorrow if that was what you really wanted. But to keep the relationship in good standing, you need to allow enough time for your company and colleagues not to be royally screwed.

Other than that, you have no control over how your boss reacts. Since the decision is made, you just need to go through with it.
posted by rocketpup at 11:04 AM on March 6, 2012

Seven weeks is definitely too long for normal resignation (though not for a retirement). Given you're already expecting trouble there's a very good possibility you'll be asked to leave immediately. If you're looking to possibly use this job as a reference sometime in the future, you'll be better off going with the standard two weeks (or whatever is the norm for your company/position/etc.). Good luck.
posted by tommasz at 11:05 AM on March 6, 2012

From your post, it's really hard to understand why you're doing this. Her reaction will most likely depend on what you state as your reasons for leaving, for example whether or not she feels like she's being attacked or used as an excuse for your resignation. I say this because you don't have great things to say about her and come off as tiny bit defensive--"no matter what, I've made my decision"-- about your leaving and how it will effect her.

I agree with above posters that you don't need to give seven weeks notice, and if you're already expecting a bit of push-back at your announcement, seven weeks is a loooong time to deal awkwardness and fallout and I can't imagine anyone signing up for that. If you are legally able, wait a bit longer, and come up with clear reasons neither offend nor require a defense.

Best of luck to you.
posted by sundaydriver at 11:05 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

> I'd be prepared for "well, your resignation is effective immediately."

That's an important point. You might be locked out of your e-mail and other work accounts right away, so tidy that up and grab any contacts or documents you need before you give your notice.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:09 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

If you think her reaction might possibly be over-the-top awful (meaning, she'd fire you or tell you to leave immediately) then be sure you have everything off your work computer that you want to take with you. I mean, of course they're not going to make you leave without taking your family photos off your desk and stuff like that, but they may cut off your network access immediately.

Also, since you're moving, it might just be nice to frame this as, "I've loved working here and I'm so sorry that this move will make it necessary for me to leave." No criticizing the boss, the company, the politics there, etc. Just keep it as positive as you can, even if your boss is a miserable person.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:09 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Make sure you understand the Human Resource policies governing your organization, and the amount of time required for a senior executive to give notice.
posted by lstanley at 11:09 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

You'd me much better off spending as much of the next month as possible organizing, documenting, and preparing your work for your successor and then give it to your boss as a deliverable at the next monthly meeting along with three weeks notice.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:12 AM on March 6, 2012 [6 favorites]

Best answer: 2 weeks notice is normal and advisable for rank-and-file, but 7 weeks is totally within reason for senior management...especially if you have a good relationship with your boss. I agree that you should be prepared for the worst (especially if you're defecting to a competitor), but I do think that exiting with grace and ample consideration toward your employer of 15 years will yield karma (good references, the possibility of coming back, etc).

Plus, if they insist on firing you immediately, then you are entitled to your golden parachute instead of nothing at all.
posted by wutangclan at 11:14 AM on March 6, 2012

Best answer: I know someone who handled a similar situation by writing a letter to his boss that he presented to her at the beginning of his quitting meeting. Basically, he said 'I am planning to leave, here's this letter, please read it', and had her read it while he was there.

This way, he was able to take the time write a thoughtful and positive letter, and had lots of time to proofread, edit, revise, etc. He wrote diplomatically about his reasons for leaving, and included lots of compliments and thanks for all he had learned, etc.
posted by lulu68 at 11:34 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

At my company, there are some positions that just don't get to give notice. That is to say, if I walked in tomorrow and gave a month's notice, I would be thanked and told that I don't need to show up for the rest of my notice. I'd basically be paid to sit at home for a month, because of my access to sensitive systems and data - it's just not worth the risk to my company if I was a disgruntled employee who would spend my last month doing harmful things, so they'd take my notice and tell me to go home.

Not sure if this is possible in your situation, but I will add to the chorus that you should be prepared for your boss to let you go right away (with or without pay) - this might not be a bad thing, it just might be a thing. Make sure you have all the contacts you might need in case you lose access to your files.
posted by ersatzkat at 11:46 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

The worst case I have seen is a person escorted from the bosses office on giving their notice to their desk to collect their things and then out of the building to their car. This was handled professionally with no yelling or anything but it is still a painful scene.
posted by bdc34 at 11:53 AM on March 6, 2012

Best answer: I haven't been in your boss's shoes, but I did quit my job with a boss I didn't particularly care for to relocate with no new job waiting for me.

Before quitting: get your ducks in a row. This means copying files, performance reviews, pay stubs, tax information, and contact information for coworkers/clients to a computer under your control offsite. File any outstanding expense reports. Take advantage of training to build your skill set. Refill your prescriptions, go to the dentist, get new glasses. I certainly felt better knowing that my key files were offsite, just in case I was asked to leave the building on the spot.

Regarding timing. I suggest delaying as well, senior management status be damned. Other people in the organization probably know that your relationship with your boss is awkward. Your boss may want to cover up the fact that you are leaving to avoid losing face in this scenario, especially if you are "bad attrition" - ie, somebody that should ideally stick around in the organization. You might wind up in a situation where your boss wants to keep your departure a secret until the last possible minute, especially if the departure paints her in a bad light. It gets awkward. Also, do you really want to either keep your departure a secret from your direct reports or give your reports 7 weeks notice? Either of these seems weird. I suggest you wait.

Get your talking points in order. I told my boss I was moving to Canada. He started talking about things like "Don't feel like you have to do this, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, blah blah" - all your basic defensiveness and bargaining techniques. Have your talking points ready. It will be hard to stick to them. It was tough for me, especially as this sort of nonsense was the sort of thing that baited me into protracted arguments in the past. I just lied to him about the reasons for departure to get him to shut up. I just said "Canada, I may have mentioned the place once or twice. I like it there. This has nothing to do with you." (It did, but that's beside the point). All I did after that was set up a separate time to talk through a transition plan with him and leave. It was a 5 minute meeting. I highly recommend a short meeting if dealing with a hot head - you will both need time to cool down before proceeding. The next day he was quite rational and we had a professional departure, he in fact gave me a serviceable reference.

Next thing to be prepared for - bargaining for you to stay. Your boss doesn't have a boss, I gather, so this may not apply. However you might get approached by somebody on the board of directors or something asking if there is anything they can do to make them stay. I did drill into the details of the relocation a bit to avoid having to talk about the organization, along the lines of "my husband is not happy here and we are leaving to spend more time with my family". This sort of information will mollify people, a stock line just seems a bit cold.

Next - running the gauntlet. I had to tell over 100 people that I was quitting, you probably do too. My resignation was a shock to people so many came to ask me why. Be prepared again for these conversations. As a manager, you could not answer as truthfully as I could if factor X was a consideration when quitting, where factor X could be anything from strategy to management to viability of product to working conditions to team composition, etc. Some of these I answered directly and honestly. Sometimes I lied. Get comfortable with lies. Also don't underestimate the amount of time required to answer these questions. Some people, especially those on the fence about staying in the organization themselves, will require extended conversations. You will probably spend 2+ hours a day on this particular activity before you leave. I was very happy to be leaving and didn't really care for my job so much so I was pleased to do it, you might not enjoy it so much. Yet another reason to delay - it shortens this process.

This is a wrenching process. There are farewell drinks and lunches. These are people you might not see again as you are moving. Some of these people you may consider to be friends. It is hard to say goodbye to your friends. Try to make sure you are not too pre-occupied with pre-moving activities at this point. It takes a lot of emotional energy to quit after a long tenure.

tl;dr - delay, prepare talking points, lie as necessary, steel yourself. Good luck with your move.
posted by crazycanuck at 12:12 PM on March 6, 2012 [24 favorites]

FYI, I have commonly seen colleagues give anywhere from 2 to 6 months of notice. I have also often seen these colleagues being welcomed, with open arms, back into the fold. Leaving on good terms isn't always possible (regardless of how hard you), but it happens often enough that I think it's worth an attempt.

Look, here's the thing: in all spheres of life that involve human interaction, you can play it safe and give back exactly what you get from others and no one iota more, or you can give more with eyes wide open to the likelihood of getting nothing back, but sometimes be pleasantly surprised with rich rewards. I'm a glass half-full kinda guy, so I choose to live my life doing the latter.
posted by wutangclan at 12:35 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Do you maybe want to try and set up something so that you can work remotely for a while, or on projects? If you are not going to another job, it might be worth considering, in order to have your cake etc. Then the conversation can be less, I'm outta here and more I need a flexible work arrangement. Just a thought.
posted by thinkpiece at 1:29 PM on March 6, 2012

Another thought: maybe tomorrow say that you're thinking of leaving, you're considering some life changes, including moving to another part of the world. Boss won't feel attacked or defensive; then you can tell her definitely later.
posted by at at 11:08 PM on March 6, 2012

On the legal issues - I suspect you're not in the US? (Seeing as you say you're moving to another province). So it's possible that some of the advice warning that your boss could turn around and fire you instantly might not apply? (I've worked in the UK and New Zealand, and my employer has always had the same notice period as I have; they couldn't fire me instantly without cause: I'm guessing it's possible that you're in the same situation, in which case I'd be looking more closely at your contractual notice period).

As a more general comment: in your place, I'd work out the latest point at which I could contractually give notice. I certainly wouldn't give them longer, seeing as you're worried how they would react. I wouldn't wait for a specific, set meeting to roll around - I'd call my boss aside, tell them face to face that I'm going to resign because I'm moving to another city for family reasons. Then I'd give them something short and formal in writing "dear boss, I wish to tender my resignation, effective from [date]. I would like to thank you for the opportunities I have had in my time here, and best wishes [blah blah something like that; keeping it short and anodyne]".
posted by Infinite Jest at 3:27 AM on March 7, 2012

What she does probably depends a lot on why you're leaving, exactly what you do, and how vulnerable the company is by having you work there for awhile without being 100% committed. That is, can other people chip in and start doing your job tomorrow? Or does business grind down until you are properly replaced? How long would that take? Do you have a client list and working relationships with clients that you might (if it turned out you weren't being honest) take with you? Do you have working relationships with clients who might start looking elsewhere if they keep working with you for 4-7 weeks (perhaps if you let something slip in conversation about a weakness within the company)? Are you likely to be not giving 100% (or do something deliberately wrong) if she accepts your 7 weeks but then finds your replacement a week later and gives you 2 weeks notice to leave?
posted by K.P. at 6:33 AM on March 7, 2012

Oh, and it will also depend on what her experience is with other people leaving the company. If even one person has ever quit, working out their notice but left her wishing she had just shown them the door (either stealing clients or just doing a half-assed-job) then she may be very risk-averse to having you stay on even if you're hard to replace.
posted by K.P. at 6:41 AM on March 7, 2012