The Perils of Googling
February 15, 2012 6:05 PM Subscribe
Should I be concerned about the PeekYou results for our daughter's preschool teacher?
We're looking at preschools. One of the teachers is the son of the school's founder. The founder is no longer active on a day-to-day basis with the school. It currently has two co-directors, one of whom is the son's wife and the other is another woman.
The son is a lead teacher in one of 3 classrooms. He has a very distinctive name and we've met him and like him and the school and the other staff we've met. If you search on this male teacher's name via PeekYou, there is only one result in the United State and the profile (age, location) fits him. There is a "user name" associated with this teacher's name and it is something vaguely sexual (similar to sekmayniac but not this specifically). Googlling the specific user name turns up a bunch of hits on websites that seem to be devoted to wifeswapping and cuckolding and finding threesomes and also give the location where he lives.
I really don't care what he and his wife (the co-director) do in their own time but should I? Is this a giant red flag? How likely is it that he is actually the person associated with the sex sites? Is this just the danger of Googling someone? Ugh, I should never have gone down this path. Talk me down, AskMe.
We're looking at preschools. One of the teachers is the son of the school's founder. The founder is no longer active on a day-to-day basis with the school. It currently has two co-directors, one of whom is the son's wife and the other is another woman.
The son is a lead teacher in one of 3 classrooms. He has a very distinctive name and we've met him and like him and the school and the other staff we've met. If you search on this male teacher's name via PeekYou, there is only one result in the United State and the profile (age, location) fits him. There is a "user name" associated with this teacher's name and it is something vaguely sexual (similar to sekmayniac but not this specifically). Googlling the specific user name turns up a bunch of hits on websites that seem to be devoted to wifeswapping and cuckolding and finding threesomes and also give the location where he lives.
I really don't care what he and his wife (the co-director) do in their own time but should I? Is this a giant red flag? How likely is it that he is actually the person associated with the sex sites? Is this just the danger of Googling someone? Ugh, I should never have gone down this path. Talk me down, AskMe.
He's interested in consensual sex with his wife and others? Sounds like someone who's a little adventurous, and probably should cover his tracks a bit better, but no danger to your kids.
posted by xingcat at 6:06 PM on February 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 6:06 PM on February 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
If this is him, he's having consensual sex on his free time. You like him, the school, and the other staff. So, no, you shouldn't be concerned about what he's doing outside of school.
posted by Sal and Richard at 6:11 PM on February 15, 2012
posted by Sal and Richard at 6:11 PM on February 15, 2012
You seem to have discovered that he is an adult engaging in consensual sexual acts with other adults. If you think that might impact his competence as a teacher or potentially be a threat to your child's well being, then by all means find another school. But, I wouldn't.
posted by deadmessenger at 6:11 PM on February 15, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by deadmessenger at 6:11 PM on February 15, 2012 [7 favorites]
If you really didn't care what he and his wife did on their own time, why did you post this AskMe?
posted by Jairus at 6:11 PM on February 15, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by Jairus at 6:11 PM on February 15, 2012 [8 favorites]
You know, this seems like one of those things that you will never be able to get talked down from. We could line up 100 MeFites to all tell you not to worry, but you'll still worry.
But regardless, the people you need to talk to are the parents of fellow children at the school. This could be something he did once 10 years ago. It could be nothing. But only fellow parents and his customers can tell what their real experiences are, which is what you should be basing any choice of pre-school on.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:12 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
But regardless, the people you need to talk to are the parents of fellow children at the school. This could be something he did once 10 years ago. It could be nothing. But only fellow parents and his customers can tell what their real experiences are, which is what you should be basing any choice of pre-school on.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:12 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
The userid you are implying seems like it might be a pretty common one on that type of site. So maybe, at the very minimum, they're not ALL his?
posted by smalls at 6:16 PM on February 15, 2012
posted by smalls at 6:16 PM on February 15, 2012
How would this affect the way he does his job? Are you assuming that because he is open about his sexuality that he is a pedophile? What is your concern otherwise? That he will behave in a sexually inappropriate way in front of children?
And lastly, is YOUR sex life any of HIS business?
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:17 PM on February 15, 2012 [15 favorites]
And lastly, is YOUR sex life any of HIS business?
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:17 PM on February 15, 2012 [15 favorites]
If you like him as you say, you might (anonymously?) let him know what is appearing in search results for his name, so he can attempt to expunge things that might concern the parents of prospective students.
posted by parrot_person at 6:20 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by parrot_person at 6:20 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
There are three layers of why you shouldn't touch this:
--first, you don't even know it is the teacher.
--second, even if it is the teacher, you don't know that the teacher is actively pursuing this stuff now (surely you don't think people who have done risqué things in the past should not teach your child).
--third, even if it is the teacher and the teacher is doing this stuff now ... so?
posted by jayder at 6:21 PM on February 15, 2012 [7 favorites]
--first, you don't even know it is the teacher.
--second, even if it is the teacher, you don't know that the teacher is actively pursuing this stuff now (surely you don't think people who have done risqué things in the past should not teach your child).
--third, even if it is the teacher and the teacher is doing this stuff now ... so?
posted by jayder at 6:21 PM on February 15, 2012 [7 favorites]
Holy lord, you should stand by for 400 frothing HOW DARE YOU responses.
Look, I don't know. I'm a square, and this kind of thing would kind of give me a moment's pause, too. That doesn't mean that I'm a terrible person who judges everyone like crazy, it just means that trying to hold "Cheerful guy who I am considering entrusting my baby's early education to" and "Hot cuckolding!" in the same headspace would be weird.
I don't think this result means that he is a terrible person, but I don't think being startled means that YOU are a terrible person, either. Handing your kid over to strangers to take care of is a weird experience and in the course of trying to do due diligence, you can totally drive yourself a little loopy. (Even without discovering surprising internet hobbies.)
I think what you have to ask yourself is: does your gut tell you to worry about this person? If your gut gives you the slightest twinge, stop caring what AskMe says. Find another school. If your gut says "Eh, he's fine.", I think you can probably trust that. And then I guess you have to maybe do some mental exercises to expunge the info you discovered from your brain!
posted by thehmsbeagle at 6:25 PM on February 15, 2012 [20 favorites]
Look, I don't know. I'm a square, and this kind of thing would kind of give me a moment's pause, too. That doesn't mean that I'm a terrible person who judges everyone like crazy, it just means that trying to hold "Cheerful guy who I am considering entrusting my baby's early education to" and "Hot cuckolding!" in the same headspace would be weird.
I don't think this result means that he is a terrible person, but I don't think being startled means that YOU are a terrible person, either. Handing your kid over to strangers to take care of is a weird experience and in the course of trying to do due diligence, you can totally drive yourself a little loopy. (Even without discovering surprising internet hobbies.)
I think what you have to ask yourself is: does your gut tell you to worry about this person? If your gut gives you the slightest twinge, stop caring what AskMe says. Find another school. If your gut says "Eh, he's fine.", I think you can probably trust that. And then I guess you have to maybe do some mental exercises to expunge the info you discovered from your brain!
posted by thehmsbeagle at 6:25 PM on February 15, 2012 [20 favorites]
My purely practical view is that the biggest problem is he's unbelievably bad at (or doesn't care about) his internet presence. You often don't get a heck of a lot of signals about someone's judgement, maturity, sophistication, etc., and this is a giant red flag in that department. What are the odds he's going to do something dumb like put your kid's name and address on a publicly-accessible site? Or do something that gets you trying to wade through crowds of reporters while trying to drop your kid off at school? All it takes is one person saying one thing to someone else: teachers in my state have gotten tremendous pressure for far less scandalous private behavior.
I also, personally, see no problem in going with your "ick, no thank you" impulse. You're not exactly putting a giant red letter "A" on the guy; it's your money and your kid and you're the one who's going to be dealing with these people on a day to day basis. I also wouldn't judge you much if you said you'd discovered this preschool teacher was a big proponent of gun rights, or active in a creationist organization, and were thus creeped out and didn't know whether you could handle it. Again, it's your kid, and your comfort is actually really important here.
I am amused at the stuff that shows up for me at PeekYou. I found my alma mater's History department newsletter; specifically the mention about a conference I presented at 11 years ago. I'd been searching for that for years. Nonetheless, about 40% of the results aren't me, including some which are relatively close to places I've lived, or people who are my age.
posted by SMPA at 6:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [6 favorites]
I also, personally, see no problem in going with your "ick, no thank you" impulse. You're not exactly putting a giant red letter "A" on the guy; it's your money and your kid and you're the one who's going to be dealing with these people on a day to day basis. I also wouldn't judge you much if you said you'd discovered this preschool teacher was a big proponent of gun rights, or active in a creationist organization, and were thus creeped out and didn't know whether you could handle it. Again, it's your kid, and your comfort is actually really important here.
I am amused at the stuff that shows up for me at PeekYou. I found my alma mater's History department newsletter; specifically the mention about a conference I presented at 11 years ago. I'd been searching for that for years. Nonetheless, about 40% of the results aren't me, including some which are relatively close to places I've lived, or people who are my age.
posted by SMPA at 6:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [6 favorites]
Is this a giant red flag?
Of course it is, it means he either can't be discreet and doesn't understand how to use technology.
Even if you don't have a problem with it, someone else probably will, which might, might cause scandal and drama at some point. One could argue whether that was fair or right, but did he really have to make his private life so easy to find?
What he does in private life is fine, but if he's making it fairly obvious, it could cause drama for the school.
Me, I'd straight up ask him, privately and mention it could cause problems for the school if some some uptight prude gets a hold of the information.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Of course it is, it means he either can't be discreet and doesn't understand how to use technology.
Even if you don't have a problem with it, someone else probably will, which might, might cause scandal and drama at some point. One could argue whether that was fair or right, but did he really have to make his private life so easy to find?
What he does in private life is fine, but if he's making it fairly obvious, it could cause drama for the school.
Me, I'd straight up ask him, privately and mention it could cause problems for the school if some some uptight prude gets a hold of the information.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Pretty much everyone is really into sex. If it involves adults, who cares? You're not going to magically find an asexual Mary Poppins out there. If you choose a different school, you'll just get another sex maniac for a teacher, but you just won't know his or her kink.
posted by cuban link flooded jesus at 6:30 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by cuban link flooded jesus at 6:30 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
I disagree with the above answers. I wouldn't be bothered by what the man does on his own time, or the fact that it's public - in and of itself.
However, to be so very public about one's sex life shows a certain lack of regard for conventional boundaries around sex. Which I personally would not find to be at all desirable in a preschool teacher. Not that I think he is a pedophile -- very simply that I would want him to have and respect conventional boundaries around sex.
And if he didn't mean to be so public, it shows a serious lack of judgment.
posted by cairdeas at 6:35 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
However, to be so very public about one's sex life shows a certain lack of regard for conventional boundaries around sex. Which I personally would not find to be at all desirable in a preschool teacher. Not that I think he is a pedophile -- very simply that I would want him to have and respect conventional boundaries around sex.
And if he didn't mean to be so public, it shows a serious lack of judgment.
posted by cairdeas at 6:35 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
It would bother me. I worked as professional dominatrix in the way way back, and right now my first child is 10 months old. It would bother me.
There's something to your queasiness, although I too can't say exactly what the problem is. If I had to guess, I'd say it's the, "advertising on the Internet to have sex with strangers or near-strangers" part. You kinda want someone who is caring for your precious precious child/ren not be so easy breezy about such intimate matters. It would also VERY much bother me that this person runs a daycare and hasn't bothered to be more careful about his online personas. He's not careful, and his judgement is now up for discussion.
He could be very nice and possibly very charming, but he doesn't seem careful enough or responsible enough to be taking care of your children. What he and his wife do doesn't matter! It's just that no one wants to think of their child's teachers getting their freak on! It's the same reason toilet humor is inappropriate over a fine meal. He's not being professional towards his profession is what I'm saying.
I vote "no" on this daycare. Sorry.
posted by jbenben at 6:37 PM on February 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
There's something to your queasiness, although I too can't say exactly what the problem is. If I had to guess, I'd say it's the, "advertising on the Internet to have sex with strangers or near-strangers" part. You kinda want someone who is caring for your precious precious child/ren not be so easy breezy about such intimate matters. It would also VERY much bother me that this person runs a daycare and hasn't bothered to be more careful about his online personas. He's not careful, and his judgement is now up for discussion.
He could be very nice and possibly very charming, but he doesn't seem careful enough or responsible enough to be taking care of your children. What he and his wife do doesn't matter! It's just that no one wants to think of their child's teachers getting their freak on! It's the same reason toilet humor is inappropriate over a fine meal. He's not being professional towards his profession is what I'm saying.
I vote "no" on this daycare. Sorry.
posted by jbenben at 6:37 PM on February 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
teachers should be able to have sex lives too.
i would feel a little icky if i knew this information about anyone i interacted with in a "normal life" setting, but this wouldn't change whether i'd use the daycare or not.
he's probably unaware that this stuff could be linked to him. you went through many steps to figure this information out. consider that if he was a john smith you'd never be able to figure out which one he was.
posted by cupcake1337 at 6:44 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
i would feel a little icky if i knew this information about anyone i interacted with in a "normal life" setting, but this wouldn't change whether i'd use the daycare or not.
he's probably unaware that this stuff could be linked to him. you went through many steps to figure this information out. consider that if he was a john smith you'd never be able to figure out which one he was.
posted by cupcake1337 at 6:44 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Just to clarify, sex with strangers is OK and not anyone's business. When I wrote "easy breezy" I was talking about the internet presence concerning those acts, not criticizing the man's sexuality, nor his wife's.
posted by jbenben at 6:45 PM on February 15, 2012
posted by jbenben at 6:45 PM on February 15, 2012
He really may not even know that he has this "Google problem." Not everyone spends time thinking about these things, and not everyone googles themselves to see what comes up (mostly I think it's people who really WANT certain things to come up who are the ones that check often).
If you would like to tip him off, just play dumb. Pull him aside and tell him that there seems to be ANOTHER person in town with his name who has sex info on the internet, and that he may want to try and distinguish himself from this other person to avoid any confusion.
posted by hermitosis at 6:47 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
If you would like to tip him off, just play dumb. Pull him aside and tell him that there seems to be ANOTHER person in town with his name who has sex info on the internet, and that he may want to try and distinguish himself from this other person to avoid any confusion.
posted by hermitosis at 6:47 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
What teachers or school administrators do in their consensual, adult sex lives is none of your business.
On the other hand, I'd have to agree with another poster that I'd be a little concerned this teacher obviously didn't "cover his tracks" very well. He either doesn't know or care about keeping his kink life unassociated with his teaching name [what if a kid Googles him in a couple of years?] or doesn't understand the technical methods of doing so and didn't have the presence of mind to find out.
So... what is the real problem for you--that he potentially likes sex that isn't vanilla, or that you know about it now?
posted by asciident at 6:50 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, I'd have to agree with another poster that I'd be a little concerned this teacher obviously didn't "cover his tracks" very well. He either doesn't know or care about keeping his kink life unassociated with his teaching name [what if a kid Googles him in a couple of years?] or doesn't understand the technical methods of doing so and didn't have the presence of mind to find out.
So... what is the real problem for you--that he potentially likes sex that isn't vanilla, or that you know about it now?
posted by asciident at 6:50 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Of course it is, it means he either can't be discreet and doesn't understand how to use technology.
hasn't bothered to be more careful about his online personas.
This doesn't sound like information that comes up on a simple Googling, though. This is three or four steps removed from that.
posted by kagredon at 6:53 PM on February 15, 2012 [6 favorites]
hasn't bothered to be more careful about his online personas.
This doesn't sound like information that comes up on a simple Googling, though. This is three or four steps removed from that.
posted by kagredon at 6:53 PM on February 15, 2012 [6 favorites]
You're not going to magically find an asexual Mary Poppins out there.
Heck, I even have doubts about Mary herself. I always suspected Bert was coming by to "sweep out her chimney" every so often.
Grownups have sex lives. People use the internet to find other people with similar interests to their own. Some people may have reservations about using pseudonyms when looking for partners for certain activities that implicitly require a great deal of trust between the parties directly involved.
posted by radwolf76 at 6:55 PM on February 15, 2012
Heck, I even have doubts about Mary herself. I always suspected Bert was coming by to "sweep out her chimney" every so often.
Grownups have sex lives. People use the internet to find other people with similar interests to their own. Some people may have reservations about using pseudonyms when looking for partners for certain activities that implicitly require a great deal of trust between the parties directly involved.
posted by radwolf76 at 6:55 PM on February 15, 2012
I have a distinctive name. My last name is rare in the U.S. and I've never personally met anyone with my name who isn't related to me. And yet the very first google hit on my name is a total stranger who just so happens to have my same first and last name.
You don't know that you've got the right guy. You might think you do, but you really can't be sure.
posted by BlahLaLa at 7:17 PM on February 15, 2012 [15 favorites]
You don't know that you've got the right guy. You might think you do, but you really can't be sure.
posted by BlahLaLa at 7:17 PM on February 15, 2012 [15 favorites]
None of this adds up to "irresponsible about his web presence" in my book. You used a snooping service to dig up dirt on the guy, you can't blame him for the fact that you found his buried (and benign!) dirt.
Try this: google (and, for due dilligence, bing) the guy's name and location, and see what you find. If his sex proclivities come up easily without the use of a snooping service, then it's different.
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:22 PM on February 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
Try this: google (and, for due dilligence, bing) the guy's name and location, and see what you find. If his sex proclivities come up easily without the use of a snooping service, then it's different.
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:22 PM on February 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
OP, you have to "go down this path" because your child is involved.
Come to think of it, the guy and his wife should know this. THAT'S my problem here. They should know better and the OP shouldn't have to parse this issue at all!
They are in a certain type of business where they should expect to be googled. Online solicitations for sex of any kind (kinky or not) should be behind aliases, pay walls, and privacy filters out of respect for his position in the community. Knowing people are going to google you endlessly and not keeping that type of stuff super duper untraceable in terms of your career is careless at best, exhibitionist at worst, and it shows a distinct lack of respect towards the children he cares for and their parents who trust him, regardless of the motivation. The OP shouldn't be in a position have to parse this. Nope.
Considering my life experience, I found this thread quite challenging. I really had to think it through several times.
That's all I got.
posted by jbenben at 7:43 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Come to think of it, the guy and his wife should know this. THAT'S my problem here. They should know better and the OP shouldn't have to parse this issue at all!
They are in a certain type of business where they should expect to be googled. Online solicitations for sex of any kind (kinky or not) should be behind aliases, pay walls, and privacy filters out of respect for his position in the community. Knowing people are going to google you endlessly and not keeping that type of stuff super duper untraceable in terms of your career is careless at best, exhibitionist at worst, and it shows a distinct lack of respect towards the children he cares for and their parents who trust him, regardless of the motivation. The OP shouldn't be in a position have to parse this. Nope.
Considering my life experience, I found this thread quite challenging. I really had to think it through several times.
That's all I got.
posted by jbenben at 7:43 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
They are in a certain type of business where they should expect to be googled. Online solicitations for sex of any kind (kinky or not) should be behind aliases, pay walls, and privacy filters out of respect for his position in the community. Knowing people are going to google you endlessly and not keeping that type of stuff super duper untraceable in terms of your career is careless at best, exhibitionist at worst, and it shows a distinct lack of respect towards the children he cares for and their parents who trust him, regardless of the motivation.
Okay, I can accept this. But I can't really accept that he should also be prepared to have a user name that apparently does not contain his real name (one which may or may not even be his!) being linked to his real name on a data aggregation site (based on...what method, exactly?), and then having that be Googled and linked to online solicitations for sex. That's a level of privacy preparation that should not be prerequisite to any job, except maybe "Batman".
posted by kagredon at 8:20 PM on February 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
Okay, I can accept this. But I can't really accept that he should also be prepared to have a user name that apparently does not contain his real name (one which may or may not even be his!) being linked to his real name on a data aggregation site (based on...what method, exactly?), and then having that be Googled and linked to online solicitations for sex. That's a level of privacy preparation that should not be prerequisite to any job, except maybe "Batman".
posted by kagredon at 8:20 PM on February 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
Untraceable? There is no apparent indication that these people make sexytimes with the Barney set. At all. Let someone else bring it up. Just because you have access to special information, and your technique of googling the username is actually an advanced technique, that doesn't mean you have to use it.
posted by rhizome at 8:42 PM on February 15, 2012
posted by rhizome at 8:42 PM on February 15, 2012
Trust your instincts, no matter what anyone says.
posted by meringue at 9:19 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by meringue at 9:19 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've got a pretty unique name. I just PeekYou'ed myself and the results were pretty wildly wrong. The top hit claimed that there was only one match in the US for that name, and it wasn't me. Some of the subsequent hits down the page had more or less correct information, whereas others mixed a few details about me with other things about completely different people. So, regardless of whether you decide this person's online personal info has a bearing on whether your child attends the school -- and I think that is totally up to you -- I wouldn't trust that you've got reliable info there.
posted by treblemaker at 9:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by treblemaker at 9:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Meringue is right: trust your instincts. But trust your instincts about the care your kid receives at the facility. Not your Internet snooping instincts.
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:26 PM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you knew 100% it was the guy, I would say you have reason to walk. Not because this guy has a consensual sex life. But because he doesn't seem to get privacy, discretion and maybe even boundaries. That would make me feel uneasy, if he's taking care of my kids.
My kids' former child care provider is on Facebook and so on. But she has blocked her profile, won't accept parents as friends and never puts anything untoward in her Facebook profile pic or anywhere else that's public. She's an awesome person and a great childcare provider, but she knows enough to manage her online reputation. She's a friend so I know not everything she does/thinks/says would make her shine, but it's her private life and she keeps it private.
I'd be worried that this guy doesn't know how to Google his own hires and that he might not do proper background checks.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:52 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
My kids' former child care provider is on Facebook and so on. But she has blocked her profile, won't accept parents as friends and never puts anything untoward in her Facebook profile pic or anywhere else that's public. She's an awesome person and a great childcare provider, but she knows enough to manage her online reputation. She's a friend so I know not everything she does/thinks/says would make her shine, but it's her private life and she keeps it private.
I'd be worried that this guy doesn't know how to Google his own hires and that he might not do proper background checks.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:52 PM on February 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Just a little more perspective in the vein of treblemaker's caveat: I went looking for myself on peekyou, and found my name, in one of my former cities of residence, with a username I've employed in the past. Curious (natch), I clicked on it.
Save for the link to an eBay account I've had for more than ten years and haven't used in five, none of it was me. Not even close.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 10:22 PM on February 15, 2012
Save for the link to an eBay account I've had for more than ten years and haven't used in five, none of it was me. Not even close.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 10:22 PM on February 15, 2012
Yeah, PeekYou seems to have a rough idea of who I am, but also declared that I have lived in a part of my city that I think I may have driven through twice or so at the very most. But the profile is definitely me - it links to my Myspace from back in the day and all, but it also has a bunch of egregiously wrong information that appears to be wild guesses.
I personally think it would be a mistake to make decisions based on information this spurious, but ultimately you need to go with your gut. It's not like you'd be outing the guy, you'd just be deciding not to do business with his school. That's not the decision I'd make, but my priorities are mine and yours are yours and you have every right to make that choice for yourself.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:58 PM on February 15, 2012
I personally think it would be a mistake to make decisions based on information this spurious, but ultimately you need to go with your gut. It's not like you'd be outing the guy, you'd just be deciding not to do business with his school. That's not the decision I'd make, but my priorities are mine and yours are yours and you have every right to make that choice for yourself.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:58 PM on February 15, 2012
I ran my name through PeekYou. I found my picture and the city I live in and my age. It also listed another city I've never even visited. It listed a user name I think I used once, years ago, but I don't remember on what. It showed that the username was used on 6 different sites. I clicked each one of those sites, and not a single one of those six accounts was me. I think there's a VERY strong chance this guy isn't doing any of the stuff that PeekYou says he is.
Oh, I also checked a username that I use a lot. Almost everywhere but here, actually. One hit, and it wasn't me.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:01 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Oh, I also checked a username that I use a lot. Almost everywhere but here, actually. One hit, and it wasn't me.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:01 PM on February 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
Oh, and it also named about 12 supposed relatives. I've never heard of any of them.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:05 PM on February 15, 2012
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:05 PM on February 15, 2012
For the record, PeekYou has on me some real info, and a whole lot of spurious info.
posted by alexei at 12:12 AM on February 16, 2012
posted by alexei at 12:12 AM on February 16, 2012
I've tested PeekYou at least ten times this evening, based on the complaints above.
I have a stalker, so I guard my online identity like gold. I was married 3 years ago, and although I use my married name everywhere, I never did an official name change. My driver's license is my original name, it does not match my bank account last name, for example. I own URL's under my original name. I recently joined linkedin under my married name via an invitation I received from a customer (probably computer generated now that I think about it), but thanks to all this and my stalker, I changed my linkedin profile this evening and put in false values and made it private.
Here is what PeekYou had on me and my various user names, including "jbenben" which I use here on MetaFilter...
Based on the REAL spelling of my married name, the fuckers pegged me INSTANTLY by a mispelling of that name I've seen before online (and I thank the gods daily about that misspelling, because it puts my stalker 3 steps behind me.) The misspelling is ABSOLUTELY linked to my real given name as "Aliases." They pinged my location on the map as correct given the company I listed on linkedin, which I NEVER entered an address for, and I am not associated with anywhere else online, including the company website. Plus, that address is ONLY linked to my new married name via Linkedin. So PeekYou nailed me without exposing my new name precisely, thank god.
My user name on Metafilter, turned up a girl in Iowa, first name begins with a "J" last name is "Benben."
My email address for one of the URL's I own that I've used forever (but not for anything that might generate spam) turned up nothing, including my ownership of the URL associated with the email.
My gmail with my married name turned up nothing, probably because I have a second fictional gmail account for anything that might generate spam.
----
I'm hyper-aware because I have a stalker. If my stalker knew the real spelling of my new last name - he'd have me. Plugging in my real new last name turned me up on PeekYou. Luckily, it did not list my real new last name as an alias. I'm hoping it stays that way! But how PeekYou instantly associated my "new last name" with other misspellings common on other online information aggregator databases - WOW. I do not know.
----
My familiarity of fetish websites led me to suspect two things off the bat - either the OP is correct that the couple are swingers - OR - someone maliciously created online profiles and adverts to discredit them.
I would have taken the extra step of searching those online profiles and associated pictures to confirm identity. But you know what?
I was sufficiently convinced from the original Ask that the profiles and adverts legitimately belonged to the couple. The story fit what what I know about online information aggregation and the fetish community.
There is a small chance the PeekYou results were generated by a third party who created ficticious profiles and adverts to discredit the couple with an axe to grind. There's near zero chance the profiles and adverts are not associated with the couple in question, based on their location and unusual names.
My conclusion is that they swing and are into cuckolding (no one's business!) and that they are sloppy about it (red flag.)
posted by jbenben at 1:40 AM on February 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
I have a stalker, so I guard my online identity like gold. I was married 3 years ago, and although I use my married name everywhere, I never did an official name change. My driver's license is my original name, it does not match my bank account last name, for example. I own URL's under my original name. I recently joined linkedin under my married name via an invitation I received from a customer (probably computer generated now that I think about it), but thanks to all this and my stalker, I changed my linkedin profile this evening and put in false values and made it private.
Here is what PeekYou had on me and my various user names, including "jbenben" which I use here on MetaFilter...
Based on the REAL spelling of my married name, the fuckers pegged me INSTANTLY by a mispelling of that name I've seen before online (and I thank the gods daily about that misspelling, because it puts my stalker 3 steps behind me.) The misspelling is ABSOLUTELY linked to my real given name as "Aliases." They pinged my location on the map as correct given the company I listed on linkedin, which I NEVER entered an address for, and I am not associated with anywhere else online, including the company website. Plus, that address is ONLY linked to my new married name via Linkedin. So PeekYou nailed me without exposing my new name precisely, thank god.
My user name on Metafilter, turned up a girl in Iowa, first name begins with a "J" last name is "Benben."
My email address for one of the URL's I own that I've used forever (but not for anything that might generate spam) turned up nothing, including my ownership of the URL associated with the email.
My gmail with my married name turned up nothing, probably because I have a second fictional gmail account for anything that might generate spam.
----
I'm hyper-aware because I have a stalker. If my stalker knew the real spelling of my new last name - he'd have me. Plugging in my real new last name turned me up on PeekYou. Luckily, it did not list my real new last name as an alias. I'm hoping it stays that way! But how PeekYou instantly associated my "new last name" with other misspellings common on other online information aggregator databases - WOW. I do not know.
----
My familiarity of fetish websites led me to suspect two things off the bat - either the OP is correct that the couple are swingers - OR - someone maliciously created online profiles and adverts to discredit them.
I would have taken the extra step of searching those online profiles and associated pictures to confirm identity. But you know what?
I was sufficiently convinced from the original Ask that the profiles and adverts legitimately belonged to the couple. The story fit what what I know about online information aggregation and the fetish community.
There is a small chance the PeekYou results were generated by a third party who created ficticious profiles and adverts to discredit the couple with an axe to grind. There's near zero chance the profiles and adverts are not associated with the couple in question, based on their location and unusual names.
My conclusion is that they swing and are into cuckolding (no one's business!) and that they are sloppy about it (red flag.)
posted by jbenben at 1:40 AM on February 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
You know, probably half the people you meet have some sort of unusual sexual proclivity. As others have said, the worry isn't that he has a whole lot of good adult fun but that he isn't being discreet enough. But I think that's his and the school's problem.
Now, if you found out the teacher was a White Power dude, that would make me panic.
posted by mippy at 3:57 AM on February 16, 2012
Now, if you found out the teacher was a White Power dude, that would make me panic.
posted by mippy at 3:57 AM on February 16, 2012
So this morning I was reading an old, old issue of Giant Robot from, like, 1996. It had an interview with (IIRC) Anna Cheong, the at the time very young college student porn actress who set some kind of record back then for sex with the most men at one time. (GR's politics have always been kind of dudebro.) But the thing is, I was all prepared to be "ew, gross, exploitative and painful and what kind of a creepy attention-seeking 'notice me I'm so hottt' person must this Anna Cheung be?" And you know what? When I read the actual details, the whole thing sounded kind of stupid and heavily produced and non-erotic; Anna Cheung didn't sound like someone I'd ever be best buddies with, but she clearly wasn't dumb and didn't have dumb or vanity-type reasons for wanting to do porn, or this particular porn.
So basically, I was reminded of how easy it is to think that non-standard sex reveals some kind of true, freaky-deaky, monstrous nature to people, when really it's just regular people doing some physical thing governed by the ordinary physical laws of reality. If you were actually there, I suspect it would seem really ordinary. If there are larger ethics issues (no consent, getting off on images of women being hurt that are supposed to be realistic instead of 'oh, this hurts! why yes, it does!") then those ethics issues are what's in play, not the fact that it's sex.
So I personally would just feel like it's a weirdo hobby that you don't share. And the "I am trackable on the internet" bit? There are an awful, awful lot of people out there in internet land who would be really trackable if they had unique last names; they are protected by their John Smithitude, not their super-smarts around internet security. Or maybe the dude just doesn't feel like sex is a big shameful secret that is incompatible with the rest of life - that would actually be a pretty healthy attitude. While it would have been awful and absolutely inappropriate for teachers to talk explicitly about sex or their sex lives, I would be a happier person today if I hadn't grown up with this pervasive feeling in the air that everything about sex was super shameful and dirty and secret.
posted by Frowner at 5:00 AM on February 16, 2012
So basically, I was reminded of how easy it is to think that non-standard sex reveals some kind of true, freaky-deaky, monstrous nature to people, when really it's just regular people doing some physical thing governed by the ordinary physical laws of reality. If you were actually there, I suspect it would seem really ordinary. If there are larger ethics issues (no consent, getting off on images of women being hurt that are supposed to be realistic instead of 'oh, this hurts! why yes, it does!") then those ethics issues are what's in play, not the fact that it's sex.
So I personally would just feel like it's a weirdo hobby that you don't share. And the "I am trackable on the internet" bit? There are an awful, awful lot of people out there in internet land who would be really trackable if they had unique last names; they are protected by their John Smithitude, not their super-smarts around internet security. Or maybe the dude just doesn't feel like sex is a big shameful secret that is incompatible with the rest of life - that would actually be a pretty healthy attitude. While it would have been awful and absolutely inappropriate for teachers to talk explicitly about sex or their sex lives, I would be a happier person today if I hadn't grown up with this pervasive feeling in the air that everything about sex was super shameful and dirty and secret.
posted by Frowner at 5:00 AM on February 16, 2012
Annabel Chong is the performer you're thinking of, Frowner, and that was a stage name.
PeekYou had exactly one piece of correct info about me--a phone number I had 14 years ago. Every other thing it had was wrong.
Do you really want to make important decisions based on an unreliable webscraper?
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:31 AM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
PeekYou had exactly one piece of correct info about me--a phone number I had 14 years ago. Every other thing it had was wrong.
Do you really want to make important decisions based on an unreliable webscraper?
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:31 AM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
PeekYou had a bunch of incorrect information for me, several profiles belonging not to me but others, but did also find one old dead profile I forgot existed. So, like many others, I have to warn that PeekYou data is unreliable.
Second, I do think it's important to distinguish PeekYou from normal Googling. There are a lot of people in this thread saying that he needs to cover his tracks better. If I understand the OP, they searched PeekYou, found some hits, then re-Googled those. That is an extra level of snooping.
I'm not saying that's terrible, I'm sure that when your kids are involved you want to be as protective as possible. However, I don't think this person should be judged so harshly for "not covering his tracks", as it seems like the OP went above and beyond normal Googling.
posted by lillygog at 5:49 AM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
Second, I do think it's important to distinguish PeekYou from normal Googling. There are a lot of people in this thread saying that he needs to cover his tracks better. If I understand the OP, they searched PeekYou, found some hits, then re-Googled those. That is an extra level of snooping.
I'm not saying that's terrible, I'm sure that when your kids are involved you want to be as protective as possible. However, I don't think this person should be judged so harshly for "not covering his tracks", as it seems like the OP went above and beyond normal Googling.
posted by lillygog at 5:49 AM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah. On the one hand I can understand this giving you pause, in the way that anything outside the very narrow bounds of your normal might give you pause when you're talking about your kid. However, there's no indication that there is anything actually threatening to your kid in what you found, and you did have to search reasonably hard to find it. The internet is where a lot (most of?) this kind of thing occurs now, and it can be pretty hard to completely mask your trail from a determined searcher. Given that, and your own effort, your question ends up suggesting that this guy shouldn't have a sex life that isn't just like yours, if he wants to work with your kid. Is that really how you want things to be?
posted by OmieWise at 6:05 AM on February 16, 2012
posted by OmieWise at 6:05 AM on February 16, 2012
You don't know that it's the teacher!
Back in the 90s I used a certain screenname. It had two parts to it which mean nothing to most people, but if you have the same nerdy personality I do, then you would totally get the meaning behind the screenname. I used it until 1999.
Fast forward to a few months ago. I Googled my old screenname for fun. To my fear, I found that someone else is using the same screenname, currently, on a bunch of porn forums. It obviously isn't me, and the name isn't even sexual--just super nerdy--but it's all over porn forums.
I fear that people in my life (family, friends) who knew my old Internet presence will Google my very old screenname when they are bored and run into someone else's presence on these porn forums and think it's me. I am no prude, but I also wouldn't want people in my life thinking that I am spending my free time on those sites.
So, this may be similar to the teacher.
Either way, what he does when he isn't teaching your kid isn't your business, unless he is using his outside life as an influence to his students, which I would extremely highly doubt in this case.
posted by TinWhistle at 6:32 AM on February 16, 2012
Back in the 90s I used a certain screenname. It had two parts to it which mean nothing to most people, but if you have the same nerdy personality I do, then you would totally get the meaning behind the screenname. I used it until 1999.
Fast forward to a few months ago. I Googled my old screenname for fun. To my fear, I found that someone else is using the same screenname, currently, on a bunch of porn forums. It obviously isn't me, and the name isn't even sexual--just super nerdy--but it's all over porn forums.
I fear that people in my life (family, friends) who knew my old Internet presence will Google my very old screenname when they are bored and run into someone else's presence on these porn forums and think it's me. I am no prude, but I also wouldn't want people in my life thinking that I am spending my free time on those sites.
So, this may be similar to the teacher.
Either way, what he does when he isn't teaching your kid isn't your business, unless he is using his outside life as an influence to his students, which I would extremely highly doubt in this case.
posted by TinWhistle at 6:32 AM on February 16, 2012
It wouldn't bother me .. . consenting adults and all that. . . also you are googling his nickname not his name to find him on those sites, nick names aren't registered or anything, so are you really sure it's him? Anyway it will bother you or you wouldn't have bothered to do the search and posted a question here in the first place. Find another PreSchool so you'll have peace of mind, what we think doesn't matter, you're the one that has to be comfortable.
posted by wwax at 7:09 AM on February 16, 2012
posted by wwax at 7:09 AM on February 16, 2012
PeekYou also has a ton of incorrect information for me. It has a couple dozen profiles of people with my name, and mixes and matches certain information with each profile, so that one will have my hometown, for instance, but the wrong age and a screen name I never used; one will list a screen name that was mine but a hometown that I have never been to; etc. It's a scammy SEO website. Ignore it.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 7:37 AM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 7:37 AM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
A few people have said that they'd be concerned over this fellow's lack of covering his tracks, but internet privacy is a REALLY recent concern for the general online population. Much like being "computer savvy" wasn't a given 15 or 20 years ago, understanding how to protect your identity online is a pretty new concern and not something that Joe Average playing on his computer would necessarily understand. I mean, the guy was posting the sexy stuff under a pseudonym, right? To him, that probably was bulletproof anonymity!
Most of the western population gives up too much of their privacy online. That seems an even sillier "red flag" than "this teacher is a sexual being!".
posted by jess at 10:28 AM on February 16, 2012
Most of the western population gives up too much of their privacy online. That seems an even sillier "red flag" than "this teacher is a sexual being!".
posted by jess at 10:28 AM on February 16, 2012
The fact that PeekYou is a piece of crap cannot be stressed enough. I don't know how their search/matching algorithm works, but there are many things out there that Peek You has attached to my name because it was something that another Mike McNamara did and it seemed like it could be me -- and, unfortunately for them, I'm sure it has worked the other way around and my sins have been attached to others as well.
This is true even for names that only have one result. I've done a search for members of my family -- and a name/location/age shows up as, my sister for example, but a username returned obviously isn't her because, clicking through to the site, the picture doesn't match and ends up being a person whose actual name is completely different but they went to the same college, but at first glance, and if you didn't have all the details, it would appear they were the same.
I'm not saying this is the case in your instance. And I'm also not saying that even if PeekYou is accurate in this case it's any of your business. But it is something I'd keep in mind as you make your decision.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:43 AM on February 16, 2012
This is true even for names that only have one result. I've done a search for members of my family -- and a name/location/age shows up as, my sister for example, but a username returned obviously isn't her because, clicking through to the site, the picture doesn't match and ends up being a person whose actual name is completely different but they went to the same college, but at first glance, and if you didn't have all the details, it would appear they were the same.
I'm not saying this is the case in your instance. And I'm also not saying that even if PeekYou is accurate in this case it's any of your business. But it is something I'd keep in mind as you make your decision.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:43 AM on February 16, 2012
1. Trust your gut.
2. I just PeekYou'd myself. (Heh.) You'd would find more correct info by just Googling my full name.
3. If I were a preschool teacher of even minimal intelligence, working in an institution that my wife ran, you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be freakin' PARANOID about covering my online trail, if I were indeed participating in online sexytimes-related sites. Either this guy's a total dumbass (and he might be -- what was your impression?), this stuff was from ages ago before he and the wife became involved in early education, or it's not really him.
4. Trust your gut.
posted by miss_kitty_fantastico at 1:33 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
2. I just PeekYou'd myself. (Heh.) You'd would find more correct info by just Googling my full name.
3. If I were a preschool teacher of even minimal intelligence, working in an institution that my wife ran, you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be freakin' PARANOID about covering my online trail, if I were indeed participating in online sexytimes-related sites. Either this guy's a total dumbass (and he might be -- what was your impression?), this stuff was from ages ago before he and the wife became involved in early education, or it's not really him.
4. Trust your gut.
posted by miss_kitty_fantastico at 1:33 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
You know what, all this 'trust your gut' business. It is kind of bollocks. Human beings are subject to innumerable cognitive biases and prejudices. One of those is the commonly-held belief that people who are into kinky sex have something wrong with their morals or are otherwise creepy. Even if what you believe you have discovered is actually correct - and I think others in this thread have done a very good job of explaining why it may not be - nothing you have described sounds like anything that would be a problem for a preschool teacher. He has a private life. Even if you finding out his details on a snooping website is somehow an indication that he is not as good as others would be at hiding his private life, so what? If you were hiring him as an online identity manager or a digital security expert, that would possibly be an issue, but that's not the case. Protecting your identity online is a skillset that is manifestly lacking in the vast majority of the population, and I don't really see why we should expect preschool teachers to be in the top five or ten percent for it. Frankly, I'd rather they were selected for the numerous other characteristics that make up a good preschool teacher. Similarly, I don't much care whether a preschool teacher is great at web design, can whistle, or is a champion hurler. I think you can safely calm down about this.
And remember what they say about your gut: 90% of the time, it is full of shit. Think about it.
posted by Acheman at 2:41 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
And remember what they say about your gut: 90% of the time, it is full of shit. Think about it.
posted by Acheman at 2:41 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you google my username, there are lots of desjardins that aren't me. I'm on a fetish site as a different, more fetishy name, and if you Google THAT name, you get results that aren't me. So unless you've seen pictures of this guy on the fetish sites, you can't know that it's him. He could have used that name once as a throwaway login (just today I made up a username I'll only use once to sign into Daily Motion).
posted by desjardins at 9:10 PM on February 16, 2012
posted by desjardins at 9:10 PM on February 16, 2012
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posted by k8t at 6:06 PM on February 15, 2012 [8 favorites]