What to tell my son's teachers about his background

November 17, 2011 7:22 AM

What should I tell my child's teachers about his background?

My son's birthmother was a drug addict. He was born with drugs in his system and went through withdrawal after birth. He has had no developmental delays or significant behavior problems, but now that he has started school I feel like we need to be vigilant for any signs of learning disabilities, as he may be at higher risk for them because of his in utero drug exposure. I see his teachers as potential allies in this, and I would like them to be paying close attention as well. On the other hand, I have generally chosen not to disclose this information to people for fear they would stereotype my son or imagine problems where there aren't any.

In my situation, what would you say to his teachers, if anything? I could fully disclose the drug exposure, or simply say that because of things his background he may be at higher risk for LDs and I'd appreciate them paying close attention for warning signs so that, if necessary, we can intervene as early as possible. Or I could say nothing, and assume they'll tell me about any problems or delays they notice.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts on how to handle this.

posted by anonymous to Education (14 answers total)

I wouldn't volunteer the information but just stress that you are concerned about his progress and contact the school often. Parental vigilance reminds the teacher to pay particular attention to those students, and the teacher will report back to you.
posted by bquarters at 7:37 AM on November 17, 2011 [16 favorites]

First of all, it sounds like you are an awesome parent - much of his current well-being surely lies with the fact you've been such a good parent to him. Your instincts must have worked so far, so whatever you decide will be the right answer for your kid.

But if you want to know my opinion as a person who had similar nature-vs-nurture issues as your son, I would re-frame the question. How would you like to be treated? How would you like to have been treated years from now? I would have wanted to be treated the same and given the benefit of the doubt and trust. If an issue arose, I would want it treated with kindness, patience and compassion with teachers I trusted.

Teachers are usually pretty great people. They won't ignore potential learning issues in any child. I think you have time to wait and see, given that your son has yet to demonstrate any issues.

Again, though, awesome job.
posted by katiecat at 7:39 AM on November 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

I am a teacher.

Keep the LD on the DL for now.

If he "has had no developmental delays or significant behavior problems," I would not tell his teacher(s).

I say this simply because I'd rather you didn't bias them. If they go in thinking he has a disability, it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If he does, in fact, have an LD, I would hope that his teachers are able to recognize it.

So, unless you begin to observe that he seems to be having undue difficulties in school, or unless his teacher approaches you with concerns, I would recommend you keep it to yourself.
posted by etc. at 7:40 AM on November 17, 2011 [50 favorites]

Another teacher here.

I think it all depends on the teacher he has. Given that we don't have that information, I agree with etc. - most teachers can recognise LDs, especially in primary grades. If it were me, that information would only change my interactions with him in that I would be more aware of how closely I needed to watch him, and document the ways in which I've been most successful and least successful in helping him. That kind of information from a teacher is really, really helpful.

BUT...not all teachers will use that information to be entirely helpful, so that's why I'm agreeing with etc. for now. However, if, after your son's first few weeks/months in school, you meet with his teacher and he/she expresses that they've noticed anything unusual, then I would share this information:

"Because of some of the factors in his early childhood, he is at higher risk for developing cognitive delays or learning disabilities. I would appreciate it if you would help me be vigilant and let me know if you think more testing is warranted."

It's always better to test and get services when your son is as young as possible. Good luck. It sounds like you're on the right track.
posted by guster4lovers at 7:59 AM on November 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Another tack is to discuss it with your pediatrician. Some districts screen kids for learning disabilities pretty regularly -- others maybe once a year -- others require red flags. Your pediatrician probably has a good idea of how often and how well they screen in your district (my district tends to over-classify, so I'd be very second-opinion-demanding around here; other districts under-classify and you have to fight for services, etc.). He or she can probably also give you some guidance on what to look out for, and contact info for places you can have private screening done. It wouldn't be the end of the world to do some special developmental screening at the yearly well-child visit, and maybe to do a developmental check-in at the in-between six-month point, if you and your pediatrician feel that level of vigilance is warranted.

(As a hyper-worrier, I am entirely on your side if you feel that level of vigilance is warranted. :) )
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:06 AM on November 17, 2011

If you tell them, they won't be the unbiased, impartial observer you need. It could be easy for the to ascribe normal kid stuff (day dreaming, horseplay) to a learning disability.
posted by spaltavian at 8:36 AM on November 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

I'm someone who works with kids with a number of developmental disabilities and learning disorders and I agree with what folks above have recommended. Having that background information causes his teacher to look through that filter at everything he does. This may mean that the teacher winds up interpreting things as being an issue when they are not, or subconsciously winds up missing other things because his/her expectations for him may change. This is especially true for a child who has hit his developmental marks well up to this point.

If you have concerns, it makes sense to have a good work-up by someone who has a background in evaluating children with similar issues. This might be a developmental pediatrician or maybe a neuropsychologist who has expertise in what to look for in terms of early signs of learning difficulties. They can talk to you about how he is developing now, if there are any signs for concerns and what things may be specific risks for your son in the future. If there are particular concerns, they can also provide specific recommendations and guidance to the school to address it. If there is no concern, the school never needs to know.
posted by goggie at 8:53 AM on November 17, 2011

I have a friend with an adopted son with similar circumstances, who also happens to be a teacher in the district where her son goes to school. In this case, it wasn't so much about substance abuse as early childhood development (he was two when they adopted him). He's in Grade 2 now, and there have been some behavioural problems, related to anxiety and attention.

My friend has elected to keep the circumstances of his early life private; however, they are open about the fact that he is adopted. At one meeting with teachers, someone did vaguely ask about his "background" without getting specific, and my friend wasn't sure what they were hinting, but thought it was probably about drug use or FAS/FAE (foetal alcohol syndrome/effects). Which is to say: if people know your child is adopted, they may have some assumptions anyway. (She clarified that wasn't an issue in his case, but again, kept other details private, because the truth is, they don't and never will know exactly what the circumstances were, so why speculate?)

She also says there is a tendency that if a kid comes from a poor neighbourhood or is aboriginal, they get labelled with fetal alcohol effect, whereas if they come from a rich one, they get the learning disability or ADD tag. So I tend to agree that you don't want to bias the observers with potentially unnecessary information, particularly if there haven't been any developmental delays or behaviour problems.

I think your attitude of approaching teachers as allies is fantastic and will go a long way to building a good relationship that will help nurture your son no matter how his learning goes.
posted by looli at 8:57 AM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Another vote for not tipping off the teachers. I had a foster son with a similar background and although most of his teachers were wonderful, one particular teacher made his life a living hell and singled him out as the class scapegoat. This abuse only started after he learned of my foster son's background during an IEP later in the year. He was a bright, happy boy who'd always loved school, but that experience nearly crushed him.

Any teacher worth their salt will let you know if they think he has issues that need attention as they crop up; don't pre-bias them before they have a chance to get to know him.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 9:16 AM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

As an adopted kid, I also vote not to tell the teachers. Be active and involved in his school life and develop a relationship with his teachers. Ask for specific feedback on how he is doing. I feel like it's best not to assume your teacher will have a clinical demeanor toward his or her charges, and may, in fact, be swayed by this information to treat your son differently. Kids will have all kinds of life changes and attitudes and highs and lows and it doesn't matter in most cases that there may be a "reason" for how they are behaving. No matter what, you all will have to deal with things as they arise. As a kid, I would be devastated to think that my parents or my teachers considered me damaged or a ticking time bomb. It's unfair! After all, most kids are ticking time bombs, really.

And keep in mind, while his entry into this world is not ideal, there is not a huge body of knowledge around what affects drugs or alcohol will have on a child long-term. I don't doubt that the drugs affected him in some way but, really, he's got every chance of being a great citizen and learner of the world.
posted by amanda at 9:33 AM on November 17, 2011

I vote not to tell the teachers, for the reasons stated above.

Also, from what I've heard, the likelihood of developmental delays varies with the type of drug the mom was using. For instance, I heard somewhere that heroin kids are way better off than meth kids, even accounting for Mom's health otherwise.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:19 AM on November 17, 2011

I concur with above. Don't tell the teachers. If your child has difficulties and ends up qualifying for special education services (after the teacher/you refer him and he gets tested and so on), then the history (drugs used during pregnancy, vaginal birth, developmental milestones all achieved within normal limits) will be documented in the Individualized Education Plan aka IEP.

Your son is really lucky to have you. So many of my students have parents that are unaware of how drug use during pregnancy can/did negatively impact their child's development. Hopefully though, in your son's case, especially since that he's met developmental milestones appropriately thus far with no behavioral red flags, he will continue developing typically. :)
posted by ckk88 at 4:10 PM on November 17, 2011

Yeah, don't tell the teachers.

My mother was a public school principal (in a fairly small town), and she was often horrified by how quick her teachers were to label and dismiss kids from troubled backgrounds, often by getting them diagnosed and medicated, and/or placed in vocational rather than academic streams. You do not want that to happen to your kid. It's a thing teachers do to manage their own workloads so they can focus on kids they feel have potential -- it is not helpful for the kid who is getting pushed aside, nor is helping that kid really the goal.

My mother always told her friends that the best way to get their kids good treatment at school was just to visibly demonstrate that they care about their kids' education, by for example showing up at parent/teacher nights, and to tell their kids' teachers explicitly that they (the parents) have high standards and expect their kids to get a really great education. Teachers, she felt, will be most helpful and alert and vigilant with the kids whose parents make it clear they expect it.

Good luck to you and your son!
posted by Susan PG at 4:13 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Another way to stay in close contact is to volunteer in the classroom. Be the Room Parent, help at parties, chaperone field trips, read to the class while the teacher works with small groups, etc. It will give you a chance to see your child among other children.
posted by CathyG at 8:34 AM on November 18, 2011