Sick before the bachelor party
June 17, 2011 8:41 AM   Subscribe

In accordance with best man duties, I've planned an epic bachelor party that is scheduled for tomorrow. Unfortunately, I've been sick all week and even had to go to the ER last night with a 106F fever. It's now under control but I still feel like crap. Should I go or should I delegate organizational duties while I still have a little time?

If I end up going, drinking is definitely out of the question since I'm on Tylenol-3 which synergistically shreds the liver when added to alcohol. I'm also worn down just from being sick and don't know if I'll even have a good time. Also, I have Father's Day stuff planned on Sunday for my dad and for me.

The problem with me not going is that it seems like any pretense of organization will be lost. It was tough enough to get 20 guys to even email me to let me know if they are attending. I don't even know half of the guys who are coming. Communication with them has been spotty at best.

This wouldn't be a problem if I were a lowly attendee, but this guy is my closest friend and I'm his best man. He threw an awesome bachelor party for me and I would like to return the favor.

Should I go and have a mediocre time while probably feeling like crap and having to decline all offers of alcohol? Or should I have some of his other friends handle it and risk everything going all to hell?
posted by photovox to Human Relations (29 answers total)
106? Delegate, seriously. Find one guy who you can trust.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:43 AM on June 17, 2011 [18 favorites]

How "planned" is your event? By which I mean, is it the kind of thing where you can just postpone it a day or two, or have you reserved rooms or made any kind of formal, "we had to let the restaurant know how many people were coming" kind of thing?

If it was just a matter of rounding a bunch of people up and you all go to a bar/restaurant/etc., I'd see if you could do an emergency re-schedule, so you can at least show up. You do run the risk of having a smaller number of people, but at least you'll be there for your best friend, and you will also enjoy it.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:44 AM on June 17, 2011

Photovox, you have my permission to pass on your duties. You've done all you can, and you're sick. If you go, not only will you have a bad time and probably delay your recovery, you might also pass what you have on to other attendees. They will not like you for this. If you are worried about organization, perhaps you could guide your second-in-command from the comfort of home via text messages or the occasional phone call?
posted by lulu68 at 8:45 AM on June 17, 2011 [8 favorites]

You should call one of his friends and hope they can keep it together.

I mean, they're going to bars and drinking... you can't reaaaaaally go wrong unless you lose the groom and have to spend a day or two looking for him with wacky hijinks. Not that that could ever happen.

So really, it'll be fine. The best laid plans are definitely ruined by a 106 degree fever.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 8:45 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Delegate, with a twist: Call the groom. Explain to him that you're dog-sick. As your best friend, he'll tell you straight-out to stay home, or at least go home early. Explain to him, yes, that's the idea unfortunately; but who would *he* most trust to run the thing in your stead? You don't want to delegate to the guy that the groom secretly can't fucking stand.
posted by notsnot at 8:45 AM on June 17, 2011 [41 favorites]

Oh yeah, what lulu said, no one wants to hang out with a guy who 24 hours ago was in the ER for a 106 degree fever. Quarantine yourself.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 8:46 AM on June 17, 2011 [6 favorites]

If you make the groom sick, everyone will hate you.
posted by hermitosis at 8:48 AM on June 17, 2011 [25 favorites]

Delegate. Among other reasons, if you get the groom sick just before he goes on his honeymoon, he will fucking kill you.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 8:48 AM on June 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

How much $$$ can you throw at this? You could hire a professional man who would be responsible for driving everyone around, keeping everyone rounded up, keeping the events moving on schedule, etc.
posted by Ashley801 at 8:49 AM on June 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

I think it really depends on what the plan for the evening looks like. If you're going between 5 different venues on some kind of schedule and there are, I dunno, props or costumes or condoms or drugs required at various stages, then yeah someone has to step up and be nanny or the whole plan will go to shit.

If it's drinks, dinner and a karaoke bar or whatever, ask the groom who is the most organised under the influence, call them with the plan and your apologies, and let them get on with it.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:52 AM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Delegate. You can always make a short appearance and then head back to bed.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:57 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

I would go. It is your closest friend. Suck it up and go.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:02 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

The bride will murder you if you get the groom sick. Delegate.
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:05 AM on June 17, 2011 [6 favorites]

You might could show up for the beginning of the event, eyeball the crowd for the most with-it guy and get him to agree, face-to-face, to hold the event together. Then leave. Find yourself a finisher and he'll finish.
posted by toodleydoodley at 9:08 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

For your health (and everyone else's, for that matter), do not suck it up when you were sick enough for a stint in the ER. Stay in bed, appoint a successor, and let it go. If you can't bear to let the event go on sight unseen, take toodleydoodley's advice and show up very briefly at the very beginning.

Definitely call the groom to let him know the situation. When you do so, it may make you feel better to offer him a raincheck for some sort of dude bonding time after the honeymoon and the wedding craziness has died down.

You're sick. It happens. No one will blame you. Feel better!
posted by superfluousm at 9:14 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

A lot of your reasons for not going are that you don't want to, rather than you can't. If you're not physically up for going, you're not physically up for going. But not being able to drink and not expecting to have a good time and having Father's Day stuff planned the next day -- these are bogus excuses.

That said, what did you have and are you still contagious? Really, find out. I agree with everyone else who said that you really don't want to get the groom sick right before his wedding.
posted by J. Wilson at 9:14 AM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm with the decline crowd here. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. That really sucks.
posted by Nabubrush at 9:24 AM on June 17, 2011

Barring contagiousness and a fast-approaching wedding, I'd do whatever you think he'd do in your situation.
posted by salvia at 9:29 AM on June 17, 2011

ask your doctor if you're still contagious - if yes, delegate and stay home, if no, talk to the groom and ask him who you should delegate to. Contact the delegatee ahead of time and go over the plan. Then show up for the beginning of the event, be with your buddy for his first few drinks, then once you've seen that the evening is rolling along towards it's planned epicness, go home and rest.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 9:54 AM on June 17, 2011

Good God man, stay home. Drink plenty of fluids. Sleep a lot. Whatever else the ER docs told you. And I'd seriously think about postponing the Father's Day activities too.

Call the groom and explain. Your best friend will, rightly, prioritize your health above his party. Delegate what you can. Maybe the party is less than epic. So what? There are worse things. Like the groom having a 106° fever at his own wedding.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:57 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

The fact that you've just been super-sick and are still somewhat-sick means that if the groom can suggest to you his first nomination of someone to take over (thank you notsnot) that person is very likely to feel sorry for you, sympathize, and be more willing to actually listen to your plans and run with it. It's not like you're asking the new guy to take over due to failure, make order out of chaos, etc. - you've made plans, and you know what you want to have happen, but you simply can't be there to pull the trigger. Explain to him what needs to be done, hand him a stack of cash, and lie back knowing that you've planned a good event.

If it turns out you're feeling half-okay when the time arrives, you can drop in for an hour or two and wander home again when you start fading - because the other dude is "in charge" it won't matter that you have to call it a night at 10pm or whatever. But it would be a nice gesture to come out and say hello if you feel up to it.
posted by aimedwander at 10:17 AM on June 17, 2011

I'd suggest that you do exactly what notsnot outlines above -- tell the groom what's up and ask his advice on who he'd like to have run things in your stead. If you feel up to going out for an hour or two, great -- do that, and then go home and REST, so you can actually complete your best man duties on the wedding day itself.

The goal is for you to make sure that your friend's wedding is a success. If this means that you have to have someone else run the bachelor party on the night of, so that you can be healthy enough to stand at that altar the next day and do your part, then that's what has to happen.

I'm pretty sure your best friend would rather have you healthy enough to stand beside him on his big day, instead of having you wear yourself out at his bachelor party and then have to pull a no-show on the wedding day.
posted by palomar at 10:58 AM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

So, voice of dissent:

If your fever is under control and you are still holding steady but a bit worn out/crappy tomorrow, you are good to go. Father's Day is scheduled in advance; you already knew that was going to happen - so that is not a valid excuse. I'm sorry you were so sick.

A lot of the responses here are assuming the bachelor party is scheduled for the same weekend as the wedding. If this is the case, you should delegate duties, but still show up. Your job is to make sure the groom doesn't run off with a stripper, etc., right before the wedding. Throw your drinks over your shoulder or dump them on the groom. If you throw drinks on enough people, maybe the staff'll toss you out of the venue and then you can go home to bed. Hell, show up sick and one of the guys/your friend will probably tell you to get lost.

If it isn't right before the wedding, you should delegate duties, but still show up. Your job is to make sure the groom doesn't run off with a stripper, etc., right before the wedding... wait a minute, this sounds familiar...

If you are the best man you need to show, even if it is for five minutes. Even if you have the ambulance stop by while taking you back to the hospital. Most people do not want to show up for anything when push comes to shove, regardless of life threatening illness, etc., etc.
posted by Acer_saccharum at 11:12 AM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

A lot of your reasons for not going are that you don't want to, rather than you can't. If you're not physically up for going, you're not physically up for going. But not being able to drink and not expecting to have a good time and having Father's Day stuff planned the next day -- these are bogus excuses.

I don't think they're excuses, let alone bogus ones. Having been that sick, and not fully recovered, means that putting out energy your body doesn't have can lead to a relapse, which can be worse that the sickness. I imagine that if the OP is still feeling crappy on Sunday, he and Dad will reschedule. A fever of 106 is brain-damage territory.

I vote for delegate. Sleep as much as you can, and do as little as possible. The more you rest, the faster your recovery will be.
posted by rtha at 11:27 AM on June 17, 2011 [7 favorites]

106 degree fever last night?? You'd be nuts to go, best man or not. Either postpone or delegate but stay in bed!
posted by leslies at 11:59 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Thanks for all of the answers. I went with notsnot's advice above and gave him a call and explained the situation. He told me to take care of myself and that I really wasn't going to miss much (how humble!).

He did let me know who to put in charge in my absence and I'm going to get a hold of that guy tonight.

The wedding isn't for another 3 weeks, but I don't wish whatever sickness I have upon anyone at anytime.
posted by photovox at 2:56 PM on June 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh, and after an afternoon with my primary care doc and what seems like a pint or so of blood, no one knows what's wrong with me, at least until the test results come back on Monday. The fever finally went under 100F today so it looks like more rest and fluids for me.
posted by photovox at 2:59 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think you made the right choice! Feel better!
posted by sweetkid at 3:45 PM on June 17, 2011

For 106 degrees I'd give you permission to skip the wedding itself with no apologies. That is a seriously life-threatening temperature. Glad it's down now, rest up and feel better.
posted by IndigoRain at 2:04 AM on June 19, 2011

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