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May 16, 2011 12:19 AM Subscribe
What's the correct etiquette for interrupting people in their office? What's polite when someone interrupts you in your office?
Where I work, people are constantly walking into each other's offices and asking questions and talking about business. Or they're just hanging out yakking about sports or politics. It's a professional office but quite social.
Say I'm in my office talking to a colleague about work and someone pokes their head in the door and then just waits there for me to talk to them about whatever's on their mind. What's the polite thing to do? Should I let them wait while I finish my conversation with the person already sitting in my office (seems rude to the person at the door) or should I go ahead and acknowledge the person at the door so maybe I can take care of their issue quickly (seems rude to the person in the chair)?
What if I'm interrupting someone in the middle of a conversation in their office - and their conversation clearly isn't about work? Do I just stand there and wait?
Every time I'm in one of these situations and no matter what I do I'm uncomfortable with how I handled it. Please help me to either a) find a consistent, polite solution or b) stop beanplating this.
Where I work, people are constantly walking into each other's offices and asking questions and talking about business. Or they're just hanging out yakking about sports or politics. It's a professional office but quite social.
Say I'm in my office talking to a colleague about work and someone pokes their head in the door and then just waits there for me to talk to them about whatever's on their mind. What's the polite thing to do? Should I let them wait while I finish my conversation with the person already sitting in my office (seems rude to the person at the door) or should I go ahead and acknowledge the person at the door so maybe I can take care of their issue quickly (seems rude to the person in the chair)?
What if I'm interrupting someone in the middle of a conversation in their office - and their conversation clearly isn't about work? Do I just stand there and wait?
Every time I'm in one of these situations and no matter what I do I'm uncomfortable with how I handled it. Please help me to either a) find a consistent, polite solution or b) stop beanplating this.
In my experience, if people are always dropping in and out, it's normal and expected that the sitter might have to deal with two visitors at once and it doesn't degrade the first visitor to acknowledge the second while it does degrade the second visitor to remain unacknowledged.
I used to work at a place where I would frequently have to go to my boss's office and ask her a question. I never knew what to do when she was already talking to someone in there so I would stand there awkwardly until someone noticed me, and it often took awhile. The most recent training I had on that was when I was little and was told never to interrupt when grown-ups were talking. Maybe it's inappropriate to rely on preschool ideas in a business setting, but I was new to it. I think she did it on purpose to force me to speak up because sI found out she hated it when I did that.
Long story short I think you're supposed to say "Excuse me, such and such, can I ask you a quick question..?" when you come up to the door. If the answer is "No, we're having an important discussion" that's totally fine. If you're the one in the chair it's polite to acknowledge the person at the door who is there because they need something from you, even if you're just telling them to go away for right now.
posted by bleep at 12:31 AM on May 16, 2011
I used to work at a place where I would frequently have to go to my boss's office and ask her a question. I never knew what to do when she was already talking to someone in there so I would stand there awkwardly until someone noticed me, and it often took awhile. The most recent training I had on that was when I was little and was told never to interrupt when grown-ups were talking. Maybe it's inappropriate to rely on preschool ideas in a business setting, but I was new to it. I think she did it on purpose to force me to speak up because sI found out she hated it when I did that.
Long story short I think you're supposed to say "Excuse me, such and such, can I ask you a quick question..?" when you come up to the door. If the answer is "No, we're having an important discussion" that's totally fine. If you're the one in the chair it's polite to acknowledge the person at the door who is there because they need something from you, even if you're just telling them to go away for right now.
posted by bleep at 12:31 AM on May 16, 2011
I'm a waiter, and I make people wait. Also, everyone else at work seems to behave in the same way; if you walk up to someone who's already busy having a conversation you linger in their peripheral vision until they're finished. Since I work in a very technical environment the bonus part of waiting is that you catch the tail end of a potentially interesting conversation (but of course it's extremely poor taste to actually wait around with the express purpose of snooping).
The point being that since this is a point of company culture noone is hurt or insulted by being made to wait. Although, to be honest if someone senior comes up to me while I'm having a conversation they sometimes interrupt me and I get quite frustrated on the inside, but what can you do?
The rules change slightly when I'm in a conversation and the phone rings, because the phone is so loud that it disrupts the conversation. Also, you can't just look at the phone and then ignore it because the person you're talking to will get the impression you're discourteous to callers. Hence, for calls I always pick up and tell them I'll call back. (Then I immediately write a post-it note saying "CALL X" and put it on my monitor, because otherwise I always forget).
posted by asymptotic at 12:32 AM on May 16, 2011
The point being that since this is a point of company culture noone is hurt or insulted by being made to wait. Although, to be honest if someone senior comes up to me while I'm having a conversation they sometimes interrupt me and I get quite frustrated on the inside, but what can you do?
The rules change slightly when I'm in a conversation and the phone rings, because the phone is so loud that it disrupts the conversation. Also, you can't just look at the phone and then ignore it because the person you're talking to will get the impression you're discourteous to callers. Hence, for calls I always pick up and tell them I'll call back. (Then I immediately write a post-it note saying "CALL X" and put it on my monitor, because otherwise I always forget).
posted by asymptotic at 12:32 AM on May 16, 2011
(Oh, I should have added that I work in environment where very few people have offices, and there are no cubicle walls. Hence everyone can see everyone and it's spectacularly easy to linger in someone's peripheral vision).
posted by asymptotic at 12:37 AM on May 16, 2011
posted by asymptotic at 12:37 AM on May 16, 2011
I'm generally of the view that if the interrupter can see the conversation taking place, they then come back when the conversation isn't taking place. Hanging around directly where the conversation is is a little weird and expecting the conversation to stop as soon as you rock up is a little presumptuous. Hanging around near where the conversation is taking place is fine so that you can jump in just as the other person is leaving.
The only time I would ever really interrupt a conversation is if what I needed was massively important.
For interrupting, I think you just say 'excuse me', which commands attention, say your piece and see the response.
posted by mleigh at 12:48 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
The only time I would ever really interrupt a conversation is if what I needed was massively important.
For interrupting, I think you just say 'excuse me', which commands attention, say your piece and see the response.
posted by mleigh at 12:48 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
Also, you can't just look at the phone and then ignore it because the person you're talking to will get the impression you're discourteous to callers.
I think the opposite is true - the person you are talking to physically will expect you to answer the phone and you can check the caller id (so you can get back to them, or answer if it is somebody you keep missing) and tell the person you're talking to you'll get back to the caller later and finish that conversation. In my mind there's no point in significantly interrupting the conversation you're having by having a pointless conversation - can't tallk, will call you back - at which point you may well have lost your train of thought for the 1st conversation. The caller only knows you can't answer the phone, which is true, so no rudeness there. And the person you're talking to will appreciate not having their time wasted by the interruption.
As for the general hovering/interrupting question - I think it depends on the situation, the kind of conversation you're interrupting and the people in that conversation. Generally happy to interrupt the "social" conversations, may aim for recognition in peripheral vision sense if it is work related and not about to finish to make sure somebody knows I need to speak to them before they leave that day for example.
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:54 AM on May 16, 2011
I think the opposite is true - the person you are talking to physically will expect you to answer the phone and you can check the caller id (so you can get back to them, or answer if it is somebody you keep missing) and tell the person you're talking to you'll get back to the caller later and finish that conversation. In my mind there's no point in significantly interrupting the conversation you're having by having a pointless conversation - can't tallk, will call you back - at which point you may well have lost your train of thought for the 1st conversation. The caller only knows you can't answer the phone, which is true, so no rudeness there. And the person you're talking to will appreciate not having their time wasted by the interruption.
As for the general hovering/interrupting question - I think it depends on the situation, the kind of conversation you're interrupting and the people in that conversation. Generally happy to interrupt the "social" conversations, may aim for recognition in peripheral vision sense if it is work related and not about to finish to make sure somebody knows I need to speak to them before they leave that day for example.
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:54 AM on May 16, 2011
Status has a lot to do with it. Your boss won't expect to be kept waiting, even though you're busy or talking to someone else, and an intern won't last long if he hangs around the MD trying to catch his eye with a question about the toner. The phone thing is interesting. I'm amazed that it's socially acceptable for people to prioritise a phone call over a real life conversation. I'd have thought the person with you should always come first. Where people have similar status then work stuff takes priority over social stuff. If you have have an office then keeping the door closed when you don't want to be disturbed and leaving it open when you don't mind can be effective.
posted by joannemullen at 2:10 AM on May 16, 2011
posted by joannemullen at 2:10 AM on May 16, 2011
I'm amazed that it's socially acceptable for people to prioritise a phone call over a real life conversation. I'd have thought the person with you should always come first.
Status applies there too. If I'm talking to my boss in his office and a big client calls, it's perfectly reasonable for him take the phone call. On the other hand, if my boss was talking to me and my underage daughter called, I'd take the call. Now that she's in college, I usually skip the call, 'cause I know she's calling for more money:)
So really, it depends on the situation i.e. who's calling and what your work flow is looking like for the next hour, morning day or week. Sometimes status matters, sometimes not.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:51 AM on May 16, 2011
Status applies there too. If I'm talking to my boss in his office and a big client calls, it's perfectly reasonable for him take the phone call. On the other hand, if my boss was talking to me and my underage daughter called, I'd take the call. Now that she's in college, I usually skip the call, 'cause I know she's calling for more money:)
So really, it depends on the situation i.e. who's calling and what your work flow is looking like for the next hour, morning day or week. Sometimes status matters, sometimes not.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:51 AM on May 16, 2011
Also, you can't just look at the phone and then ignore it because the person you're talking to will get the impression you're discourteous to callers.
I would posit that answering merely to tell someone you don't have time to talk to them is more discourteous. If it is important, they will call back. If the caller ID cays that you have to take the call, then you excuse yourself and answer it and finish it.
posted by gjc at 4:54 AM on May 16, 2011
I would posit that answering merely to tell someone you don't have time to talk to them is more discourteous. If it is important, they will call back. If the caller ID cays that you have to take the call, then you excuse yourself and answer it and finish it.
posted by gjc at 4:54 AM on May 16, 2011
Where I work people acknowledge them. So ask if it's going to be a quick 30-second deal, or say you'll go find them when you're done. If I'm interrupting, I peek in so they see me, and they'll usually either wave me in or indicate we'll talk later.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:08 AM on May 16, 2011
posted by J. Wilson at 5:08 AM on May 16, 2011
Also -- I think this depends on the social norms at your office. However people normally handle this at your workplace is the general expectation, but in my opinion there aren't universal rules of polite/rude that apply here.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:09 AM on May 16, 2011
posted by J. Wilson at 5:09 AM on May 16, 2011
This used to be one of my major bugbears back when I was an office worker. I think it's incredibly rude to just loiter in or near someone's cube/office when they're clearly involved in a work-related discussion with someone else. And I never made exceptions for status: this applies to bosses too. Basic good manners shouldn't be overruled by higher status. The person doing the interrupting should either come back later if what they need to talk about isn't especially urgent or, if it is, catch the eye of the person they are interrupting and quietly say "Need to see you - can you call when you're free? Thanks!" and then leave. If it's your boss doing that you will, of course, make extra efforts to wrap up what you're involved with ASAP.
If someone did the loitering thing with me I'd ignore them for just long enough to make it uncomfortable for them, then give them a level stare and say "As you can see, I'm busy right now. I'll call you when I'm free." Perhaps this may not be comfortable for you but I was pretty hardline about "managing" these kinds of interaction and it worked out very well for me. People soon learned not to interrupt me like this.
There are also cultural differences in attitude to things like this, and these become more marked when the cultures are different nationalities. I'm a Brit but I worked in the US corporate world for almost seven years. It was noticeable to me that in the US, interruption is tolerated to an extent that would be seen as unacceptable in the UK. Obviously I made some allowance for this and lowered my guard for the US office, as it were (although it never, ever stopped rankling), but I drew the line at the loitering thing. That seems to me to be so beyond the pale I wouldn't be prepared to accept it anywhere.
posted by Decani at 5:18 AM on May 16, 2011
If someone did the loitering thing with me I'd ignore them for just long enough to make it uncomfortable for them, then give them a level stare and say "As you can see, I'm busy right now. I'll call you when I'm free." Perhaps this may not be comfortable for you but I was pretty hardline about "managing" these kinds of interaction and it worked out very well for me. People soon learned not to interrupt me like this.
There are also cultural differences in attitude to things like this, and these become more marked when the cultures are different nationalities. I'm a Brit but I worked in the US corporate world for almost seven years. It was noticeable to me that in the US, interruption is tolerated to an extent that would be seen as unacceptable in the UK. Obviously I made some allowance for this and lowered my guard for the US office, as it were (although it never, ever stopped rankling), but I drew the line at the loitering thing. That seems to me to be so beyond the pale I wouldn't be prepared to accept it anywhere.
posted by Decani at 5:18 AM on May 16, 2011
My mother works in a large, open-concept office, is the go-to person for lots of questions but also has lots of work to do which really can't be interrupted (or she loses her place).
So when she can't be interrupted, she puts up a little sign on the front of her desk (where people approach) that says so, requesting that people email the question instead so she can deal with it later. No one has been offended - and no one interrupts her when the sign is up.
posted by jb at 5:53 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
So when she can't be interrupted, she puts up a little sign on the front of her desk (where people approach) that says so, requesting that people email the question instead so she can deal with it later. No one has been offended - and no one interrupts her when the sign is up.
posted by jb at 5:53 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
I work in a small (space- and headcount-wise) office where people seem to prefer to interact in person when possible, so this is an issue we deal with a lot. If I poke my head into someone's office and they're on a call or with someone, I'll usually just catch their eye and leave unless a) they indicate I should stay because they can be with me in a minute, or b) I need their immediate face-to-face attention, in which case I wait (or even interrupt the conversation if it's an urgent issue like "Hey, the customer-facing site just went down."). By catching their eye and leaving, they know I need them for something face-to-face and can then contact me when they're done--in my office, this usually means they then come to my office, except for my boss, who will call me to let me know he's ready. This might not work for bigger offices, or offices where people only interact face-to-face when it's urgent, but it works fine for mine. (Not that my coworkers follow the same protocol--generally they just walk in my office and start talking until they realize I'm on a call, which I always am.)
posted by rhiannonstone at 6:46 AM on May 16, 2011
posted by rhiannonstone at 6:46 AM on May 16, 2011
"DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT OR SHOULD I COME BACK LATER"
posted by entropone at 6:58 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by entropone at 6:58 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
I struggle with this too. The solution i've come up with is this - unless its a very-time-sensitive issue, just wait until the person is free. (If they are the kind of person who is never free, i send them an email saying something like "i need to discuss the TPS report, let me know when you have five minutes to chat.) If it is time sensitive, then i'll approach their discussion and say something like "really sorry to interrupt - Mr Boss, this report needs your approaval before the client arrives."
If i'm the person being interrupted, then i'll usually make a judgement call - is the person waiting likely to have an issue more important than what i'm already doing? And then its usually just a matter of looking at the interrupter and saying either "What's up/how can i help you?" or saying "Can you give me a few minutes? i need to wrap this up".
Basically - only interupt if you NEED to interrupt. Don't interrupt if you can wait.
posted by Kololo at 7:03 AM on May 16, 2011
If i'm the person being interrupted, then i'll usually make a judgement call - is the person waiting likely to have an issue more important than what i'm already doing? And then its usually just a matter of looking at the interrupter and saying either "What's up/how can i help you?" or saying "Can you give me a few minutes? i need to wrap this up".
Basically - only interupt if you NEED to interrupt. Don't interrupt if you can wait.
posted by Kololo at 7:03 AM on May 16, 2011
Tag question: what do you do if you walk in on someone and then realize they had a telephone perched on the shoulder you couldn't see? Apologize? Just step back out and wait?
posted by d. z. wang at 10:15 AM on May 16, 2011
posted by d. z. wang at 10:15 AM on May 16, 2011
What people in my office do when they walk in and start talking to me before they see my "ON A CONFERENCE CALL - PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB" sign is to silently mouth the words "oh, sorry!" while making suitable "oops, my bad" hand gestures. They generally then back out my door and either email or phone to leave a message on my voicemail.
People around here are pretty good about not just launching into things, for the most part. Usually what happens is that Person A will poke their head through Person B's door and make silent "is now a good time?" facial expressions, and Person B will either say "sure, c'mon in" or will gesture "no, not now".
posted by Lexica at 2:13 PM on May 16, 2011
People around here are pretty good about not just launching into things, for the most part. Usually what happens is that Person A will poke their head through Person B's door and make silent "is now a good time?" facial expressions, and Person B will either say "sure, c'mon in" or will gesture "no, not now".
posted by Lexica at 2:13 PM on May 16, 2011
Response by poster: I appreciate all the feedback - it certainly helps to know I'm not the only one who faces this kind of thing on a daily basis. I mean, I'm a social creature, and I like my job and the people I work with, but ARRGH WORKING IN AN OFFICE!
posted by Acton at 1:45 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by Acton at 1:45 PM on May 17, 2011
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If you can interrupt the task in ~1 minute, look up quickly and say "this will take a minute", continue as above.
If you need to work longer on the task, look up quickly and say "Can I get back to you in X minutes?" then go over to that person later.
posted by beerbajay at 12:30 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]