And She is Looking Forward to Trying Some of this Casual Sex Everyone is Talking About
April 16, 2011 12:12 PM Subscribe
I am in my mid-twenties and, after being in relationships almost continuously since high school, I am finally single and ready to start dating around. I want to start meeting people and maybe have a few one-night stands, because why not? I am a little unfamiliar with how to meet strangers. The discussion came up with some of my friends about wingmaning.
Despite watching six seasons of How I Met Your Mother, we cannot come up with how to go about doing this. The closest experience I have is that a few weeks ago I made out with a guy at a bar and almost went home with him, and while I introduced myself, I have to say felt a lot better that I talked to his friends and he talked to mine, which made the whole thing seem safer.
How, exactly, do you get laid with a little help from your friends? Have you have successfully picked up or been picked up using the assistance of a wingman? Also, I am bisexual, and my friends are men and women and straight and gay, so does this affect who I should send over to talk to my intended target?
And if wingmaning is creepy and/or ridiculous, how exactly should I be picking people up?
I am in Chicago if it matters.
Throw away email: casualbarsex at hotmail.com
Despite watching six seasons of How I Met Your Mother, we cannot come up with how to go about doing this. The closest experience I have is that a few weeks ago I made out with a guy at a bar and almost went home with him, and while I introduced myself, I have to say felt a lot better that I talked to his friends and he talked to mine, which made the whole thing seem safer.
How, exactly, do you get laid with a little help from your friends? Have you have successfully picked up or been picked up using the assistance of a wingman? Also, I am bisexual, and my friends are men and women and straight and gay, so does this affect who I should send over to talk to my intended target?
And if wingmaning is creepy and/or ridiculous, how exactly should I be picking people up?
I am in Chicago if it matters.
Throw away email: casualbarsex at hotmail.com
any of your friends overly complimentary on your looks/body? maybe you can start a friends-with-benefits situation (keeping in mind that they're not sustainable over long stretches).
That said, it seems like its super easy for women to get laid if they just want to get laid...its a matter of finding someone who seems hot but not TOO interesting and being forward.
posted by softlord at 12:43 PM on April 16, 2011
That said, it seems like its super easy for women to get laid if they just want to get laid...its a matter of finding someone who seems hot but not TOO interesting and being forward.
posted by softlord at 12:43 PM on April 16, 2011
it seems like its super easy for women to get laid if they just want to get laid
I don't know what you're basing this on, but this is not as true as some guys seem to think it is.
It's a numbers game, OP. Unless you want to bang skeevy guys, which I assume you don't, there's no guaranteed way to meet dudes at the bar. It sounds like the way you went about it in your anecdote is a good, safe way to meet people. If you keep it up consistently, you'll start meeting guys worth going home with. Remember, even Barney Stinson strikes out 95% of the time :P
Also, if I'm out with guys, odds are we're not going to approach girls if they have lots of guy friends with them. Not worth the potential drama.
posted by auto-correct at 1:50 PM on April 16, 2011
I don't know what you're basing this on, but this is not as true as some guys seem to think it is.
It's a numbers game, OP. Unless you want to bang skeevy guys, which I assume you don't, there's no guaranteed way to meet dudes at the bar. It sounds like the way you went about it in your anecdote is a good, safe way to meet people. If you keep it up consistently, you'll start meeting guys worth going home with. Remember, even Barney Stinson strikes out 95% of the time :P
Also, if I'm out with guys, odds are we're not going to approach girls if they have lots of guy friends with them. Not worth the potential drama.
posted by auto-correct at 1:50 PM on April 16, 2011
Are you a lady or a dude? I can't tell 100% from your post.
Anyway: though I hate spouting generalizations, if you are a woman, I would imagine that the bar + wingman combination should be pretty simple (though it doesn't guarantee that you'll meet someone that you would really like to take home). Generally, going out with only one girlfriend seems to make it easier to meet guys, as many get kind of intimidated about approaching someone who is standing in the middle of a giant Girls Night Out situation, you know? If she is doing a good job, she will somehow slip something into the conversation about how she has to go home later to feed her husband/help a friend clean up a party/catch a redeye to tahiti. This will let potential suitors know that you will be free and available that evening.
You could also casually mention to one of your more gossipy friends about how you are single and are not looking for a relationship right now because you are embracing your slutty phase/singlehood/free-spiritedness. In about three to fourteen days, word will get out, and next thing you know, every friend/dude you always see at parties but haven't hung out with a lot/friend-of-friend will conveniently come out of the woodwork and offer to help fuck the pain away.
Um. Or so I've heard.
(If you are a guy, I've got nothing for you. sorry.)
posted by vivid postcard at 1:58 PM on April 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
Anyway: though I hate spouting generalizations, if you are a woman, I would imagine that the bar + wingman combination should be pretty simple (though it doesn't guarantee that you'll meet someone that you would really like to take home). Generally, going out with only one girlfriend seems to make it easier to meet guys, as many get kind of intimidated about approaching someone who is standing in the middle of a giant Girls Night Out situation, you know? If she is doing a good job, she will somehow slip something into the conversation about how she has to go home later to feed her husband/help a friend clean up a party/catch a redeye to tahiti. This will let potential suitors know that you will be free and available that evening.
You could also casually mention to one of your more gossipy friends about how you are single and are not looking for a relationship right now because you are embracing your slutty phase/singlehood/free-spiritedness. In about three to fourteen days, word will get out, and next thing you know, every friend/dude you always see at parties but haven't hung out with a lot/friend-of-friend will conveniently come out of the woodwork and offer to help fuck the pain away.
Um. Or so I've heard.
(If you are a guy, I've got nothing for you. sorry.)
posted by vivid postcard at 1:58 PM on April 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, my bar + wingman approach above sounds pretty passive. You can, of course, go out with a friend and chat up guys you find interesting. The nice thing about having a friend there is that you have someone to help contribute to the conversation/talk to the friends while you have a one-on-one conversation of your own/hang out with when you realize everyone in the bar are dullards and you really just want chill with a gin and tonic.
posted by vivid postcard at 2:02 PM on April 16, 2011
posted by vivid postcard at 2:02 PM on April 16, 2011
Also, I am bisexual, and my friends are men and women and straight and gay ...
I am in Chicago if it matters.
Hmm, I read your post a couple of times and you didn't say if you were a man or a woman, as far as I could tell. You said you made out with a guy though. If you are a woman it should be really easy to pick up guys in a bar, just go up to a guy you think is good looking and be straightforward with him. In the worst case you end up slightly embarrassed/awkward but most guys will be flattered by a woman hitting on them.
posted by delmoi at 2:24 PM on April 16, 2011
I am in Chicago if it matters.
Hmm, I read your post a couple of times and you didn't say if you were a man or a woman, as far as I could tell. You said you made out with a guy though. If you are a woman it should be really easy to pick up guys in a bar, just go up to a guy you think is good looking and be straightforward with him. In the worst case you end up slightly embarrassed/awkward but most guys will be flattered by a woman hitting on them.
posted by delmoi at 2:24 PM on April 16, 2011
@people confused about poster's gender:
I'm guessing woman, from the question title, "And She is Looking Forward to Trying Some of this Casual Sex Everyone is Talking About."
I don't have any particular insightful advice, other than if a guy/girl you think is cute looks your way, smile each time you make eye contact.
posted by justkevin at 3:08 PM on April 16, 2011
I'm guessing woman, from the question title, "And She is Looking Forward to Trying Some of this Casual Sex Everyone is Talking About."
I don't have any particular insightful advice, other than if a guy/girl you think is cute looks your way, smile each time you make eye contact.
posted by justkevin at 3:08 PM on April 16, 2011
Go take a backpacking trip to Europe and stay in youth hostels. If that's not a possibility, just try alcohol, eye contact, and witty banter. It's easy! If you've already made out with a guy in a bar you are 80% there.
posted by yarly at 3:12 PM on April 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by yarly at 3:12 PM on April 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
Confidence.
posted by jitterbug perfume at 3:37 PM on April 16, 2011
posted by jitterbug perfume at 3:37 PM on April 16, 2011
How I've seen this work:
Let's say I'm the seeker and my friend is the wingman. First of all, I've picked a friend who's way more outgoing than I am, so that she can be the one getting guys' attention and bringing them into our conversation. We're both laughing conspicuously (not cackling obnoxiously) and "having so much fun". I pick out a guy I like, and she'll go to him "Hey, you should buy my friend a drink, isn't she hot?" and I'll go "Omigod, stop!" like I am mortified. Or she'll say to a guy I'm talking to and am interested in "Well, you guys are hitting it off, I'm gonna head home" with a really significant look (one that is obvious and for the guy's benefit, not the real kind that guys don't notice). Basically she does the heavy lifting so that it's all "a joke" and I don't have to look desperate, and it also allows the guy or me to bow out gracefully if one of us is not interested.
This is probably all really transparent to everyone involved but it works anyway.
posted by thebazilist at 3:41 PM on April 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
Let's say I'm the seeker and my friend is the wingman. First of all, I've picked a friend who's way more outgoing than I am, so that she can be the one getting guys' attention and bringing them into our conversation. We're both laughing conspicuously (not cackling obnoxiously) and "having so much fun". I pick out a guy I like, and she'll go to him "Hey, you should buy my friend a drink, isn't she hot?" and I'll go "Omigod, stop!" like I am mortified. Or she'll say to a guy I'm talking to and am interested in "Well, you guys are hitting it off, I'm gonna head home" with a really significant look (one that is obvious and for the guy's benefit, not the real kind that guys don't notice). Basically she does the heavy lifting so that it's all "a joke" and I don't have to look desperate, and it also allows the guy or me to bow out gracefully if one of us is not interested.
This is probably all really transparent to everyone involved but it works anyway.
posted by thebazilist at 3:41 PM on April 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
Go to a science fiction convention. If you are conversing with someone you find attractive, tell her or him so in a straightforward way. No wingperson necessary. ThinkGalacticon is in Chicago in July.
posted by brainwane at 3:56 PM on April 16, 2011
posted by brainwane at 3:56 PM on April 16, 2011
The OP is female. (This is directly from her, via email).
posted by John Cohen at 4:11 PM on April 16, 2011
posted by John Cohen at 4:11 PM on April 16, 2011
I guess if I were going to do this I would try and meet said hook up where the guys tend to be good people, like volunteering ...that may seem like an odd suggestion but I just feel like the guys in bars are too random...they be okay but they may not...
posted by bananafish at 6:45 PM on April 16, 2011
posted by bananafish at 6:45 PM on April 16, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by aloiv2 at 12:29 PM on April 16, 2011 [1 favorite]