Not Ready For Facebook Fetus
March 18, 2011 11:37 AM   Subscribe

Let's say that my sister tells my that she is pregnant. Like, barely pregnant, and only telling immediate family and a few close friends. Is it permissible to share this information with *my* friends who don't know my sister and will not encounter her or interact with her in any way? Or do I have to keep it completely to myself (except for my siblings and parents) until she announces it for real?

Obviously I can ask my sister (hypothetically), but I'm more interested in what the norm is, here. Let's imagine that my sister is very happy about her pregnancy, and that I am happy and excited and emotional about this and sharing the news with close friends of mine would shed some light on my mood and behavior.

Am I just totally overthinking this (especially given that there's a better-than-even chance that my sister's mother-in-law is blabbing to everyone in the world)?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (62 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
No, it's not okay. The reason you don't tell many people early in your pregnancy is because something might possibly go wrong or you might get bad news after pre-natal testing and you'd prefer that if you had bad news to relate you'd only have to tell a few people "We had a miscarriage" or something else bad. The general rule of thumb is you tell people after the first trimester except for maybe a few people. You telling your friends crosses this line and as a general point of etiquette is not okay. The norm is: don't tell. If you want to do otherwise, ask your sister and if she says yes, that supplants the norm.
posted by jessamyn at 11:39 AM on March 18, 2011 [47 favorites]

In the era of Facebook, you really need to respect her wishes and keep it to yourself.
posted by selfnoise at 11:40 AM on March 18, 2011 [7 favorites]

It's not your secret to tell. You have no way of knowing who YOUR friends might tell.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 11:40 AM on March 18, 2011 [7 favorites]

Why don't you ask her?
posted by datapoint at 11:43 AM on March 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Keep it to yourself.
posted by fifilaru at 11:43 AM on March 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Not okay.
posted by halogen at 11:44 AM on March 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Totally not okay to tell friends. Even people who have no way of knowing her. It's an integrity thing.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:49 AM on March 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ask her--there were some slip-ups of this type that annoyed me, and some that didn't, when I was pregnant.
posted by tchemgrrl at 11:51 AM on March 18, 2011

From what I understand, there are a number of people that do not make a global announcement until the first trimester has passed. The feeling is that a lot of things can go wrong before then, with a greater chance of miscarriage, or where a couple must decide whether or not to terminate the pregnancy (say in the case of an ultrasound revealing fatal results). They will withhold this information so as not to first elate, then sadden, everybody with the news.

After the first trimester the chances are better, and people feel less inclined to keep things secret. Also, some couples need time to prepare, emotionally or whatnot. Sometimes they're not ready for the inundation of congrats or advice or whatever else people will provide without solicitation.

Honor her wishes until she herself makes the announcement, then you can share with your friends. For what it's worth, my own parents didn't even tell their immediate family about me until after the first trimester.

Now, if your sister tells her close friends and those friends tell everybody else, that still shouldn't permit you to disclose anything to yours. The lack of confidentiality expressed by her friends is not an excuse for you to demonstrate your own, unless your sister gives the okay.
posted by CancerMan at 11:51 AM on March 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ask your sister first. Speaking as someone who had to un-tell numerous people, it's better to wait.
posted by Wuggie Norple at 11:53 AM on March 18, 2011

After reading the previous responses I am asking myself if it's REALLY okay, but I would totally tell my friends. I'd probably mention that she's not really telling people yet since it's so early. I wouldn't tell everyone I know, but I would tell my closest two or three friends.

I actually did this, basically, when my partner got pregnant (to be clear, we both did). And I have a friend who told us early on when her sister was pregnant.

My reasoning is that I'm probably going to tell my closest friends if I, or someone really close to me, has a miscarriage. So they can buy me a drink or whatever. Miscarriage is a really sad damn thing, so I think that sometimes this rule keeps folks from being taken seriously about the pain that it brings.
posted by hought20 at 11:53 AM on March 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

It's not your news to give, so you should respect your sister's wishes and timeline and only announce it when she gives the green light.
posted by pdb at 11:53 AM on March 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Please don't do this. When I was very early in my pregnancy and there were big concerns we shared only with our parents. One of whom put it out to their entire church's prayer chain, AKA gossip line, and I started getting direct calls from people I probably met at the wedding but didn't know at all. I was pissed that I had to deal with that extra stress on top of the possibility of losing the baby and maybe even dying. After I lost the baby I had to deal with all of those phone calls again after the fact.

Please don't do this.
posted by rhapsodie at 11:53 AM on March 18, 2011 [19 favorites]

And to be clear, my answer very strongly depends on the fact that your friends have no connection, socially, with your sister. I expect that you mean that they live in different locations and did not, for instance, go to high school together so a friend could tell her mother and it'd be gossip in a heartbeat.
posted by hought20 at 11:54 AM on March 18, 2011

To put it a slightly different way, if your friends don't know and won't ever encounter or interact with your sister, why would they care if she's pregnant?

I don't mean that in a negative way, just in a "they don't need to know until it's public knowledge" way.
posted by pdb at 11:59 AM on March 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

pdb, her friends will care because the OP is excited about it. Friends talk about their families with one another.
posted by hought20 at 12:00 PM on March 18, 2011

Not your news to tell- whether the mil respects her privacy or not.
posted by variella at 12:00 PM on March 18, 2011

hought, I get that, but they would be just as excited once the sister makes it official - they don't need to know right now if the sister hasn't told anybody yet.
posted by pdb at 12:01 PM on March 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Your sister is telling only immediate family members and close friends -- which does not include your friends who don't know her. I don't know why you want to tell them, but in any event, absent having this conversation with her, you absolutely should not.
posted by J. Wilson at 12:01 PM on March 18, 2011

I was you recently. My sister was early in her pregnancy and told me, while making it very clear that she expected me and other family members to keep it secret until she gave the OK.

I have plenty of friends who I could have told and wouldn't have expected it to ever get back to her. I was excited, and I really wanted to tell. I didn´t tell a soul, and I don´t think you should either.
posted by queens86 at 12:02 PM on March 18, 2011

I also meant to say: the fact that you're reluctant to ask your sister, and are more interested in what the hive mind norm is, suggests pretty strongly that you already know your sister would not be okay with it. Respect that.
posted by J. Wilson at 12:05 PM on March 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

You really shouldn't tell anyone until she says its okay, but its not the end of the world if you tell your best friend... But you really shouldn't tell anyone if its remotely possible that they'll tell others about it.
posted by empath at 12:09 PM on March 18, 2011

If you are thinking twice about posting something on FB, then probably it's something that you shouldn't post.
posted by WizKid at 12:13 PM on March 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't think it matters a lick how excited OP is, or how much OP wants to share the news, or whether or not OP's friends will care about it. All of that is trumped by the sister's desire for privacy during a very sensitive time. It's not like OP is never, ever going to be allowed to tell anybody, and I don't think it's much to ask to keep one's lips zipped for another two months or so.
posted by keep it under cover at 12:14 PM on March 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

You have no right to tell anyone without her ok. She's keeping it a secret for a reason and you need to respect that. When she is ready for people to know, you can shout it from the mountain tops. Until then, do not say a word.
posted by ValkoSipuliSuola at 12:15 PM on March 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

To expand, when my sister was pregnant, I told a few of my friends as soon as I found out, because there was no overlap whatsoever between the two social circles. My sister lived in a different city, and I couldn't even imagine a situation where anything I told to any of my friends could have possibly moved from them to anybody my sister knew. It just wasn't going to happen, and didn't happen, and my sister didn't even ask me not to tell anyone because she didn't know any of my friends or care about them.

If that's your situation, I don't see any problem telling a few people about it. But if your social circles at all overlap, I'd be very, very cautious about talking about it. Complications with pregnancies are fairly common and you don't want to make things harder for your sister if they do.
posted by empath at 12:16 PM on March 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

Do not tell people. My mom told people who she thought would never encounter me when I was pregnant with my first and via the grapevine, it got back to my very best friend that way instead of me getting to tell her. Not a big deal in the long run but a real bummer at the time and I was annoyed that my mother couldn't keep her trap shut so I could tell her myself. You don't know for sure that it wouldn't get back to her and it's her news, let her share it first. Once it's public, you can joyfully announce it too.
posted by supercapitalist at 12:19 PM on March 18, 2011

I guess I disagree with most people here. Honestly, I would tell my friends knowing that they don't have a relationship with my sister and only care about this news as it relates to me (their friend) and it is therefore "my" news and not my sister's.

I was recently pregnant and had a first trimester miscarriage. I only told a handful of people about the pregnancy, and as far as I know those people respected my privacy. However, if someone had told their hairdresser that their friend was pregnant and had a miscarriage and they were worried about me (that is, they were telling their own version of the story), I wouldn't have been upset in the least.
posted by jrichards at 12:20 PM on March 18, 2011 [12 favorites]

not your good news to tell, especially since you have been given specific parameters on who should know and who should not know. I am glad you are happy for her! My 40 year old sister is pregnant and we are thrilled. However, she will be going all Thunderdome on her mother in law if said MIL doesn't learn to keep her mouth shut about the details she is asked to keep private.
posted by domino at 12:22 PM on March 18, 2011

Wow, it's surprising how differently I feel than everybody else. If I were your sister, I wouldn't mind at all, nor would I expect you to ask my permission before saying anything. In fact, I'd assume my sisters would do this.

But I'm thinking about this in an idealized situation. If I were your sister, and don't know your friends, and they would never ever mention anything about my pregnancy to anyone I knew, then by all means, I wouldn't care at all. It doesn't in any way affect me. I mean, I don't think you should plaster it on Facebook, but mentioning it to some close friends would be fine. I understand the worries about miscarriage, I'm at 6 months now, and had a few scares early on. But that still doesn't affect your sister, if she miscarries, you're the one who'd tell your friends.

Definitely, part of this is you're talking about something awesome that you're happy about,a nd you just want to share your joy. If your sister had accidentally shat her pants, and you thought it might be funny to tell a few close friends, even if their social circles never ever met, then I'd think differently.
posted by Tooty McTootsalot at 12:23 PM on March 18, 2011

I recently didn't tell anyone when I accidentally discovered that someone fairly close to me was pregnant due to some inept facebooking on her part (so I probably wasn't even the only one who knew the "secret"), and I was worried that I was being oversecretive (as I am wont to do), but it seems like there's a damn near a consensus here!

But on the other hand, I have friends who I would tell if one of my sisters had a miscarriage - a few very close friends whose circles don't overlap with my sisters' at all. If I'm going to tell them about a second-trimester pregnancy, and I'm going to tell them about an early miscarriage, I'm not sure what difference it would make if I told those few close friends about an early pregnancy.
posted by mskyle at 12:28 PM on March 18, 2011

It's not just the risk of miscarriage, although it's a LOT higher than most people realize. These things have been known to cost people promotions, jobs, even destroy careers. Yes, that still happens in 2011. Please, please don't say a word to ANYONE without her permission.
posted by ValkoSipuliSuola at 12:31 PM on March 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

I assumed my siblings, who live in different cities than I do and whose social groups do not remotely overlap mine, told their roommates/close friends. I assume they said something like, "It's still early, so she's not making it public, but my sister's pregnant and I'm really excited!" I was not and am not bothered by this at all. I do expect them to be discreet about it -- of course even in their distant cities they have a few friends who may be from high school or whatever -- but I trust their judgment in whom they choose to tell.

So I think it's okay to tell a few close, non-overlapping friends who will share your happiness because YOU are happy, and who are vaguely aware that you have a sister and all, and who would support YOU in your sadness if something went wrong and feel vaguely bad for your vaguely-aware-of sister. If you all still live in the same place, this is obviously much more difficult.

It's not okay to put it on Facebook. It's also not okay to tell blabbermouths, people your sister would want to tell, or put it out there in other ways that might get back to her. But I assume you have good judgment and wouldn't anyway.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:32 PM on March 18, 2011 [7 favorites]

I get where you're coming from. If my SIL was preggers, I'd be so excited to be an aunt I'd want to tell all my friends, most of whom have never met her, and have only met my brother in passing.

But it's not your news to tell. In general, because miscarriage is such a possibility, it's usually only close friends and family who are ever even told during the first trimester. Occasionally, observant people will also catch on when a usually-drinking mom stops for no apparent reason as well, but that's it.

Once it's public, go crazy. Until then, keep your mouth shut. You can be the better person here and respect your sisters wishes, even if others don't.
posted by cgg at 12:41 PM on March 18, 2011

You'll respect yourself more if you keep it to yourself.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:41 PM on March 18, 2011

The *only* time I've been told of a pregnancy so early as a non-family-member under the circumstances you describe is in a situation where I was basically considered family. To be clear, my best friend's sister was pregnant. And it was under the auspices of my friend wanted someone to whom it was okay to talk about the pregnancy who wasn't in her family, and also I could be trusted to keep my mouth shut.

I think you can tell one, maybe two people who are close to you but not to your sister, but only if they can be trusted to keep it to themselves. Putting it on Facebook - no. Telling everyone you know - no.
posted by Medieval Maven at 12:51 PM on March 18, 2011

Do not do anything until you ask her first. Tell her who you would want to tell and why. I totally understand your excitement, but this needs to be about her before you.
posted by groovesquirrel at 1:15 PM on March 18, 2011

I disagree with the "not your news to tell" camp. Yes, if your friends are so separate from your sister that they don't even know her name, then it is 100% your news, and is not, at that point, your sister's news at all.
Of course, your news is not "Jane is pregnant!!" - especially if their response is "Who's Jane?". Your news, to them, actually is "I'm really excited about probably getting to be an aunt soon" "I'm hoping that my sister shouldering the burden of grandchildren for me means my parents will leave me alone" "I'm delighted by the possibility of my sister having a baby and I'm really nervous for her when she's only N months along." "I can't commit to our trip this fall since that might be when my sister's baby is due"

In my opinion, yes, you can tell in direct communication (but not blanket/list emails) people who don't know anything about your sister (but not people who have ever ever met her) things about you and your moods that happen to involve the background information that there is a fetus (but not if it's irrelevant to the current conversation).
posted by aimedwander at 1:20 PM on March 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Well, if you were my sister, and you told all your friends something fairly intimate about me without checking with you first, I wouldn't tell you intimate things about me anymore. I think everyone else has covered the specific issues around pregnancy pretty thoroughly.
posted by restless_nomad at 1:23 PM on March 18, 2011

Jessamyn nails it, of course, but family knowing things because they are family, and refusing to understand that there is a special intimacy about family that ought to be respected, is why I pretty much don't tell my mother anything until I'm ready to have it printed in the local paper.
posted by ambrosia at 1:33 PM on March 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

I TOTALLY get the desire to tell your friends and "process" your joy and your other emotions.

Technically, you shouldn't tell. Practically, I think you should ask your sister. If I were her, I wouldn't care, but I would appreciate being asked.

What about posting your joys/other emotions here (next time you get to post) and letting us help you process those other emotions? (Is there a forum where one can anonymously post and discuss burning secrets? There should be!)

(Also, I do this - tell other people's secrets anonymously to friends who don't know them. My friends do too. I'm not proud of it, but I don't think it's rare or all that terrible as long as they never meet. Although, then again, around my wedding festivities all worlds collided.)
posted by semacd at 1:34 PM on March 18, 2011

If the social circles of the OP and the pregnant sister genuinely do not overlap, most of these issues around pregnancy do not matter. So many people here bring up situations where so-and-so told another person and then such-and-such heard about it, and those situations are not relevant here, and not a single person in this thread (nor the OP) are arguing in favor of telling people who might possibly end up getting the news to someone who knows the sister and will therefore be a pain or stressful if something bad does happen. In some families, social circles really do not and will not overlap. I am in one of those families, and if one of my brothers was pregnant* and I told certain friends of mine, the chance that it would ever get back to anybody besides me who knows my brothers is about 1 in 50000. Okay, we're in the same state--maybe 1 in 2000. It seems almost like half the posters here are ignoring the part of the question where the OP said that they social circles don't overlap. Or you don't believe it, but I assure you that these things happen.

The only really awkward thing that I could see happening from this is if she told her friends and then her sister miscarried/chose to terminate--but if a friend is close enough to be told about an early pregnancy, it seems to me that the same friend would be someone you'd tell about something bad happening.

It seems almost like a lot of you subscribe to an absolute kind of secrecy that I don't really follow. Secrets are secret for a reason, in my mind, and a secret like this isn't a "do not tell anybody or you are evil" secret--secrets like that are the humiliating or incredibly private things that you just don't want people to know, ever. And to me, something that causes you to mourn or rejoice, particularly at one step removed as you are not the pregnant one, is not in that category.

I will say that in a situation like this, I'd probably say "hey, bro, it's okay if I mention this to my friends, right? I'm so excited." I would fully expect him to say, "Of course!"**

*Very unlikely, yes, but I don't have sisters.

**And also: "It's such a medical oddity, I'm sure you want to tell everyone you know!"
posted by hought20 at 1:39 PM on March 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

I kept it to myself when I was in your exact situation (except it was my brother's wife who was pregnant).

What do you have to gain by telling your friends now? Sure, it's natural to be excited about becoming an aunt or uncle (I sure as hell was), but your friends will be just as excited for you if you tell them two months (or whatever) from now when your sister goes public as they would be if you told them today.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:37 PM on March 18, 2011

absolute kind of secrecy that I don't really follow

I, me, me I, memememememememememememe. That's mindset is a great way for the poster's sister to decide the poster is no longer worthy of any trust.
posted by rodgerd at 3:06 PM on March 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

I am not your sister, but I am a sister, and I am currently barely pregnant.

I am totally fine with you telling a few close friends about my pregnancy as long as they're people I don't know and won't see in the next few months. Social circles really can't overlap. (I am assuming that you are going to tell the same close friends if my pregnancy doesn't work out, so if I see said friend at your wedding in three years they won't ask, "Where's your kid?" If that happened, it would be oh-so-awkward and you would be In Trouble.)

With the caveat that I'm assuming that you're a fairly discreet person and won't put it on the Facebook or anything: As a pregnant lady, I say that this is happy news for you, and you're allowed to judiciously share it. Just don't be stupid about it.
posted by purpleclover at 3:41 PM on March 18, 2011

I sometimes find it invasive when people tell other people (they're talking about my insides/sex life!!) And sometimes I don't care. So I'd say the standard is "ask".
posted by the young rope-rider at 3:42 PM on March 18, 2011

I accidentally told a mutual friend about a friend's early-stage and troubled pregnancy (she's doing better now, yay) because I thought it would be an open secret in the office where they both work. It was not. I felt like CRAP.

I managed to keep my own sister's high-risk first pregnancy a secret from everyone but my best friend for the six weeks between when they told me and when they told the world. If you can tell one person to let that "OMG!!!" out and then keep your mouth shut, I can guarantee that you will feel like a better sister, and better future aunt.
posted by mishaps at 4:01 PM on March 18, 2011

I don't see the problem if they really truly are people that your sister has never met and will never meet. But I would also be careful to be sure that this is the case.

I also really really really wish that women felt okay disclosing early pregnancy and I hate the fact that we're all so scared about telling anybody for fear that we might have to tell them again if something goes wrong. What is the state of our civilization that we have to be afraid of maybe possibly having to tell someone bad news at some point when it is also the point where a supportive social network is exactly what we need? It just seems so wrong to me that we all continue this need to hide miscarriages. I truly believe that if more women disclosed early pregnancy and could be more open about their miscarriage, others could learn to be more supportive and understanding about it. Wouldn't it be awesome if instead of feeling ashamed and scared and embarrassed and wanting to hide in your bedroom, women felt like it was okay to ask for help and compassion? And if it wasn't weird enough to be pregnant, especially the first time around, not being able to tell anyone is just so isolating and awful.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 4:08 PM on March 18, 2011 [7 favorites]

I live on the other side of the country from my brothers, and our social circles have no overlap outside of the family. If one of them shared the same news with me (err, the male-equivalent news), I would not hide it from my wife or my few closest friends, but I'd be clear when I shared it that my brother was not ready for this information to be public, so don't go messaging him or me about it through facebook. Other than having met him at my wedding, my friends have no direct relationship with my brother, so while they would think it was nice news, they would not feel compelled to reshare.

If we had any of the same friends or lived in the same city, I'd probably keep my mouth shut.
posted by quasistoic at 4:15 PM on March 18, 2011

I wouldn't tell anybody just because so much can happen early on in a pregnancy and if something does happen, then you have to tell everybody that, too. And I don't think that my sister, personally, would want complete strangers to her knowing something so personal.
posted by echo0720 at 4:16 PM on March 18, 2011

I don't see the problem if they really truly are people that your sister has never met and will never meet. But I would also be careful to be sure that this is the case.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:40 PM on March 18, 2011

100x what otherwordlyglow says. She found a good way to say something that I also wanted to say but couldn't figure out how without frothing.
posted by hought20 at 5:00 PM on March 18, 2011

Keep it to yourself. If there is some issue about it--eg you wanting to have a kid and having feelings about this pregnancy--you should of course tell your best friend and confidante. But no announcements in group settings. What if she loses this pregnancy? All of these people will know this about her, and possibly treat her differently if they meet her, as a result. The information is simply not yours to share with the world. However, if it's causing problems for you for some reason, i think it is fine to talk it out with a trustworthy intimate.
posted by Morpeth at 5:13 PM on March 18, 2011

Mod note: folks, this can't be a debate about whether women should be upset/private about their pregnancies. Please answer the OPs question, keep comments directed toward the OP, and take other sidebar conversation to email, thank you.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:51 PM on March 18, 2011

selfnoise: In the era of Facebook, you really need to respect her wishes and keep it to yourself.

I think this is a very good point. Even if you think there is no way it could get back to your sister's social circle, it's entirely possible that it could. In my own life, I find there is frequent unexpected social overlap of this kind--sometimes the connected people live in different cities, even. It's nearly impossible for you to know who really has absolutely no connection with your sister, and you can't control what your friends say to their friends, or what they post to Facebook, after you tell them.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:15 PM on March 18, 2011

I have friends I tell everything to, people I would trust to get that this is special news and should be treated as such. People who would never ever think to post about it anywhere public or tell anybody else about it. I would share the news with them because it is a part of me. In this context telling them is not about "letting them know" or "getting the news out", it's about sharing my world with them. I have probably four of these friends.

I have many many more friends who I would keep the news from until my sister was ready for the world to know.

It's your judgement which category your friends are in.
posted by wemayfreeze at 7:57 PM on March 18, 2011

I've been in a similar situation and talked about it with a close friend, but I knew my sister (who doesn't live in the same state and doesn't work, so wasn't really facing any possible repercussions the way your sister may or may not be facing) wouldn't really give a crap if I told someone who didn't know or care about her business. She probably would have killed me if I had told one of our nosy and/or gossipy relatives, though. You don't sound like you know if your sister falls in this camp or if she has a blanket dislike for having her business spread about, so it wouldn't hurt to mention it just to be cautious.
posted by Lina Lamont at 9:39 PM on March 18, 2011

Etiquette aside, it won't hurt any of our feelings if you tell your friends. But that's not who matters, is it now? Ask your sister directly if it's okay to mention it to your circle of friends and respect her wishes.
posted by jlunar at 11:46 PM on March 18, 2011

Ask her, but I would err on the side of caution and not mention it until she has made a wider announcement herself.
posted by mleigh at 1:25 AM on March 19, 2011

Don't tell the news to anyone whom she wouldn't want to be informed if she got an abortion.
posted by anildash at 1:37 AM on March 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's not just that something bad might happen, but that once people know you're pregnant, it becomes the dominant fact about you. Nobody says, "What did you think of the President's speech?" they say, "How's the baby?" 8 months of that gets ooooold. By month 6 people ask "Haven't you had that baby yet?"

Another point is that pregnancy is a health issue, and it's not okay to disclose somebody's health status. It can affect employment, and it's a breach of privacy. If the people you might tell don't/can't know your sister, why tell them. Respecting someone's privacy is excellent practice in keeping a secret.

And congratulations on your impending uncle/aunt-hood.
posted by theora55 at 11:39 AM on March 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hey, I was the original poster. I told one friend, my college roommate. This is someone I've known for ~15 years; we have always talked A LOT about our moms and sisters so it felt incredibly unnatural to not tell her. She has met my sister once or twice; the friend lives in Virginia and my sister lives in Massachusetts.

I did not ask my sister if it was OK first; having known my sister for 30 years, I felt like she would rather not know who knew but that she wouldn't mind the friend knowing so long as no one else found out, and knowing the friend I felt completely safe telling her (for one thing, the only person she knows who would be interested in the fact that my sister was having a baby was me). Eventually I mentioned to my sister that I had told the one friend, and she had no problem with that.

And my niece is a fabulous baby!
posted by mskyle at 11:25 AM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

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