Surprise! They're fake.
April 28, 2005 11:48 AM   Subscribe

I have breast implants. Should I acknowledge them to my new lover? If so, when & how?

I've had them for about 6 years and I love them and don't have any issues about them. I don't keep them incredibly top secret nor do I tell everyone I meet. Most of my friends know they're fake, but no one guesses that. In casual sex situations it never comes up, but in relationships sometimes I feel weird about the fact that we don't acknowledge it. My last boyfriend had no idea until I told him to quit praising my breasts and find a real part of me to enjoy. I have a feeling my new girlfriend won't be so easily fooled, but who knows. Should I bring it up after the first time we sleep together? Should I wait for her to bring it up? I've had long-term relationships in which it was never brought up at all. I'm open to discussing it but I think my boyfriends/girlfriends figure if I want to talk about it I'll bring it up.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total)
I'm surprised your boyfriend had no idea. The first time I was with a woman with implants, once her bra was off it was immediately obvious from the feel -- and these were rather modest implants, I think she'd gone from a B to a C or a C to a D -- not hulking stripper blimps. But they still felt hard, and it was still distracting to discover they didn't move the way other breasts of my experience moved.

Since that was somewhat distracting, and since your new girlfriend may think you're more shy about the subject than you are, I'd say bring it up, then let her satisfy her curiosity by sight and feel so that it isn't distracting when you're being more intimate.
posted by orthogonality at 12:02 PM on April 28, 2005

I'm with orthogonality. There's no way that you're going to meet two people in a row who are both so clueless as to not recognize a fake breast when they see/feel one.
posted by rxrfrx at 12:03 PM on April 28, 2005

She'll know the first time she touches them. I
posted by InfidelZombie at 12:04 PM on April 28, 2005

if you happen to talk about plastic surgery with your new lover it may be a good moment to mention it, if you really want to. I wouldn't mention it for the first time in a sexual situation, tho -- it'd be needlessly distracting, turning at least temporarily your breast implants the topic of conservation when instead you'd be making love
and maybe you'll discover she has implants, too!

to quit praising my breasts and find a real part of me to enjoy

they're a real part of you, too. you look like that now, it's not you borrowed somebody else's chest. if you had lost weight instead, it's not that the skinnier legs would be somebody else's -- fully embrace your new look. it's you.

there's no way that you're going to meet two people in a row who are both so clueless as to not recognize a fake breast when they see/feel one

you're wrong, you're talking about old-school augmentations, those who left scars.
now it depends on how well the surgery was done. if the augmentation is not excessive and there was enough fatty tissue to begin with and the implant was properly placed, it'd be very possible that a lover wouldn't notice.

(bad augmentations instead are of course still very easy to spot.)
posted by matteo at 12:08 PM on April 28, 2005

Plan A (Dissarm her with humour): I have a confession, my breasts aren't as real as my love for you.

Plan B (more realistic approach): Don't bring it up in advance. If the person comments on your breasts during love making then you can make it seem like a scandalous secret that you both can enjoy together. It should bring the both of you closer together.

If she doesn't comment on them, bring it up as a guilty confession after sex, most likely she figured it out already, but either way she'll be disarmed enough that she should accept it without batting an eyelash.

Best of luck.
posted by furtive at 12:11 PM on April 28, 2005

the topic of conservation conversation
posted by matteo at 12:13 PM on April 28, 2005

I wouldn't hide it, but why bring it up? There's no reason for you to feel weird.

But if you're going to feel weird not saying anything about it anyway, then I guess you should. It really shouldn't be a big deal for the other person.
posted by grouse at 12:15 PM on April 28, 2005

No need to blurt it out. It's not a secret and later in a relationship, when you feel comfortable, you can discuss the augmentation you've had done. I certainly wouldn't refer to them as fakes or not "real". Unless you have a very good reason, don't put more pressure on before you're first intimate experience with this new love.
posted by cptnrandy at 12:16 PM on April 28, 2005

matteo writes "if the augmentation is not excessive and there was enough fatty tissue to begin with and the implant was properly placed, it'd be very possible that a lover wouldn't notice."

Not if the lover smacks or squeezes the breasts. Implants don't move like the fat that natural breasts are made of. Again, I speak from experience: of a woman who'd had modest implants and no scars. But her tits just didn't move the usual way tits move.
posted by orthogonality at 12:18 PM on April 28, 2005

(Out of curiosity, what makes the above posters sure that all impants are equally obvious? I mean, some implants are very obvious, but if you encountered an implant subtle enough to fool you, you wouldn't know. Unless you're in the habit of X-raying your lovers.)

Back to the original topic, I'd bring it up sometime. Your lover may have noticed but think you're ashamed to admit it. Or they could have noticed there's something different about your breasts, but not know why. Or maybe they haven't noticed anything at all, of course. They could feel betrayed if they find out later and feel you've been keeping it a secret.

Has anyone ever reacted negatively to finding out about your augmentation?

(Me, I've had surgery on my jaw. It wasn't for cosmetic reasons, but it did end up improving it a little. I don't feel that it's not real, but maybe I'd feel weird if someone kept praising it.)
posted by hattifattener at 12:25 PM on April 28, 2005

I'd broach it in a way that you think is situation appropriate. In other words, if you're comfortable bringing up cosmetic surgery, you could; or if you want let your partner discover it on her own, great; or something you want to discuss in post orgasmic wind down, fine.

Chances are your partner will have no problem whatsoever with your choice, and if she does, well, isn't it better to rethink the relationship earlier rather than later?
posted by plinth at 1:17 PM on April 28, 2005 [1 favorite]

I think you should tell the person but be prepared to instantly answer the question, "Why did you have breast implants?" If you have a defensive-sounding answer, I think you should just not bother.
posted by MarkAnd at 1:30 PM on April 28, 2005

It doesn't seem like it would be that difficult to tell her. Next time she fondles your breasts or mentions them (as lovers are wont to do), you can casually let her know. It doesn't need to be a confession, just an fyi.
posted by widdershins at 1:36 PM on April 28, 2005

I guess I'm missing something, but why would you bring it up at all? If I had had a nose job, I wouldn't talk about it - I wouldn't talk about laser eye surgury...
posted by jasper411 at 1:40 PM on April 28, 2005

I have some pretty serious scar on my legs from a car accident six or so years ago. I would generally try to warn anyone who might, um, see them in advance because I was terrified of someone reacting negatively.
If I saw any opportunity, no matter how slight, I'd work it into normal conversation.

That always seemed to be better than the "hey-by-the-way-before-we-do-this-I've-got-these-scars-so-please-don't-freak-out" at the absolute last second, since anything like that in the heat of the moment has a tendency to completely kill said moment.

No one ever reacted negatively to me, and scars are almost universally disliked. Everyone likes boobs, so you really have nothing to worry about.

Just find a way to work it into discussion. Wear some amazing outfit that you know will draw a compliment, and after saying thanks mention how you would never have worn it before the surgery, something like that.

If you act like it's normal and no big deal others will, too.
posted by Kellydamnit at 1:45 PM on April 28, 2005

When she says "wow, nice set!" pull her close and whisper "I'm glad you like 'em, they were pretty expensive!"

Or admire hers and and comment "I wish I'd been so blessed...!"
posted by Tubes at 1:58 PM on April 28, 2005

Out of curiosity, what makes the above posters sure that all impants are equally obvious?

Some may look better than others, but none of them feel quite right. Especially after the scar tissue starts to build up.
posted by InfidelZombie at 2:05 PM on April 28, 2005

Again, how would you know?
posted by agregoli at 2:10 PM on April 28, 2005

Wow. what a range of opinions here.

Couple of thoughts:

1. Clearly you are bisexual or at least open to sleeping with/dating both sexes. If your girlfriend is a lesbian you may want to consider telling her because many, though not all, lesbians have a lot of opinions about cosmetic augmentation of this type. If you really like her and think this could be someone you would like to spend time with you should find a way to let her know. It doesn't have to be confessional, though. If you're comfortable with the reasons you had surgery then it shouldn't matter.

2. As a lesbian, I would want to know, wouldn't necessarily stop anything, but I would want to know why you decided to have surgery. Not as a judgement basis, but so that I know more about what drives you.

3. agregoli is right... you wouldn't know a good augmentation if you weren't told about it. I have a good friend who is a plastic surgeon and I am just floored at his work. When out to dinner he is often greeted by his patients and they will come right up to him and discuss their pleasure with his fine work and I'm shocked to find out. I've also had the disturbing pleasure of "sampling" one or two of his masterpieces. I would not have known them from the real deal. It's a brave new world.

4. If you want to talk more about the issue from a lesbian point of view, drop me a line at the email in my profile.
posted by FlamingBore at 2:27 PM on April 28, 2005

This whole thread feels like it was pulled out of a William Gibson novel.

Dear Cyberpunk Abby:

Should I tell my significant other about my black market Chiba augmentations? I would be terribly embarassed if my knuckle-blades extended during a passionate moment and surprised her...

Not mocking, just amazed that body mods are so common, and that they are read differently by sex/gender/orientation. I need to go brush up on my Donna Haraway.
posted by mecran01 at 2:37 PM on April 28, 2005

yeh, mecran. This is surrealing me out too.
posted by mdn at 2:47 PM on April 28, 2005

I'm sorry that this isn't very helpful, but I need to say this, anyway:

Best. Ask. MeFi. Question. EVER.

posted by WCityMike at 7:26 PM on April 28, 2005

Harris: SanDee, your breasts feel weird.
SanDee: Oh, that's 'cause they're real.
posted by kindall at 8:46 PM on April 28, 2005

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