How to flirt
April 27, 2005 2:50 PM   Subscribe

I'm not good at flirting. In fact, when I am interested, I tend to be somewhat distant, for fear of embarassing myself. How do I get better at flirting? in a nice way
posted by theora55 to Human Relations (45 answers total) 21 users marked this as a favorite
 
Social Scientists explain it for you.
posted by matildaben at 2:57 PM on April 27, 2005 [2 favorites]


You're a girl. Touch his knee, show some cleavage, offer to get him a drink. Seriously. This works.
posted by orthogonality at 2:59 PM on April 27, 2005


I remember seeing this book, How to Flirt years ago and skimming it. Definitely worth a look.
posted by lalalana at 2:59 PM on April 27, 2005


Start by losing the fear of embarassing yourself. That's the only way you'll be able to truly open up. This is probably the toughest thing to do, but after you've done that the flirting will become natural. This was a good book that helped me get over trivial fears in my life (such as embarrassment, death, etc.)
posted by nitsuj at 3:00 PM on April 27, 2005


Can I throw my hat into the ring with the same question(except that I'm a guy)?

I am extremely self-conscious and tend to brood over things a lot. This doesn't help in relationships. Some people describe me as "unapprochable" because of my "wait till you feel comfortable enough with them" attitude.

(Er, ok, didn't mean to hijack theora55's question. Get to her first. ;)
posted by madman at 3:07 PM on April 27, 2005 [1 favorite]


Start with something basic like smiling at strangers. This isn't flirting per se, but it's all about getting used to being seen by other people and trying to make a positive impression. Flirting differs from this in that you make a good impression and then you express some sort of casual interest [direct "I want to take you home" interest is not flirting]. It's okay to flirt with strangers. It's good practice to flirt with strangers if you think you're really going to botch it when you really are interested in someone. Ways of expressing interest include

- holding glances a bit more than a normal glance, while smiling. Making sure you have their attention and then smiling makes it seem more directed in a "yeah, I'm looking at you" way. Looking in a direct way from under slightly lowered lids [lower chin, but then look straight ahead at the object of your flirtation] is a good way to do this
- casual touching in a non-overly-sexual way. Put your hand on someone's shoulder when you are looking over their shoulder at the newspaper, get their attention by touching them on the arm or shoulder but let your hand linger. Since you are a girl, this is a more straightforward move, guys sometimes have to be a little more careful with this.
- talking about yourself in a more sexual way than you might otherwise. mentioning [past] relationships, talking about sexy scenes in movies, movie stars you find hot [as long as the object of your flirtation won't suffer too much by comparison] can be flirty moves and at least say "I'm a sexual being, even if maybe you don't think of me that way"
- compliment compliment compliment. This may be the easiest to start with because you're being sincere, and you can be a little direct. So, move from "hey that's a nice jacket" to "that jacket looks great on you" and you've changed from a pretty tame compliment to something that could be considered flirting.

People who are good at flirting or who enjoy it just sort of toss out a flirt vibe at all times. They flirt with the bus driver, they flirt with the people in line at the supermarket, they flirt with the person selling them coffee, it's just a relaxed easy thing to do. Being casually chatty and friendly and smiley and encouraging, with people is, in a sense, flirting. You don't have to be sitting out there with a big "I'm available" sign, it's more just like saying "Hey, I like other people, and I might be interested in you" Of course, being flirty often means you have to learn to gracefully say no to people who pick up on that vibe and if you're not comfortable doing that, you may want to only practice with close aquaintances. I agree that being happy with yourself and comfortable with your surroundings is a good start.
posted by jessamyn at 3:15 PM on April 27, 2005 [3 favorites]


As a guy, I say just be yourself. Really. Look, I know it's trite, but while others may disagree, I can usually tell if chick is not being herself and it's a major turn-off. If you can't flirt, then don't- just be yourself!
OK, for flirting? Part of it depends on the guy. For example, I get along famously with smartasses and love nothing more than a girl who can role with my usually overdone sarcasm. To me, that is the epitome of flirting, especially when we're both able to laugh at eachother's punches.
However, some don't respond well to that and would rather jump to the flirtatious touching. So, from my perspective, the key is get to somehow know what the guy responds well to. If you try joking around and he doesn't respond well, move onto something else.
posted by jmd82 at 3:20 PM on April 27, 2005


I think the hardest bit to get past is that you might be rejected. If you're really interested, that's pretty much all flirting comes down to: showing that interest... looking the person in the eyes, listening and responding, smiling & laughing at the things they say, moving closer rather than farther from them (leaning in, or turning more attention toward them).

To show disinterest, you look around at other things in the area, you don't smile, or you do fast little fake-smile smiles. But all of this is stuff you naturally do if you're really just responding to the person. You just have to let yourself respond openly, and not be afraid to reveal yourself through your body language etc.

Good flirting should be basically just having fun, playing off the energy of someone whose energy you like. If you're working too hard to "do it right" then I'd be inclined to say you're doing it wrong...

But, it can be tough to take the plunge - just looking in someone's eyes can be intense and nerve-wracking if you really like them. So for that, I would say it's mostly a question of practice. And alcohol.
posted by mdn at 3:21 PM on April 27, 2005


embarassing myself.
posted by thomcatspike at 3:25 PM on April 27, 2005


I'm terrible at flirting, as well, but, as the lovely jessamyn noted, eye contact is key. I notice when I'm romantically interested in someone, I tend to keep a constant small smile on my face, as well as eye contact. I also tend to blush furiously, which gives away all of my intentions, but I'm not sure how easy that is to do on command.
posted by Zosia Blue at 3:42 PM on April 27, 2005


I really like all of Jessamyn's concrete suggestions.

Here's an exercise you could try: If you know anyone who is super flirty, practice with/on them. (A lot of flirty people flirt even with people who are not of the gender they find sexually interesting; if the flirtiest person you know is not of the gender you go for, I'd say try this with them anyway. It might even be easier for you under those circumstances.) They aren't going to be thrown by your flirtiness, and are likely to even be open to talking about it directly first or afterwards. (Talking about flirting is is also a great way to flirt!) Chat with this person and try to let yourself get into their groove. Tease back if they're teasing, make eye contact, let yourself echo their intonation patterns when it feels right, and so on. This will help you get the feel for what being flirty is like.

It may seem like a cop-out, but I also recommend getting in some of this kind of low-stakes practice when you are slightly intoxicated. Obviously you don't want to need to rely on being tipsy in order to be flirty when you want to be, but again, I think putting yourself in situations where you get the experience of inhabiting the flirty style will be helpful later. It gets more comfortable, a way of being that you know you can do if you just hit the right zone, and the more times you hit it, the easier it is to find.
posted by redfoxtail at 3:46 PM on April 27, 2005 [1 favorite]


If you're a girl trying to flirt with dudes, pretend you're a waitress. 1) Ask questions. 2) Make eye contact. 3) Make some sort of a connection (even a small one) to what the other person is saying. 4) Smile. 5) Touch the person somewhere you could touch if you were taking an order (like the arm or the shoulder), and make it seem as if it's part of an overexcited gesture. 6) Not that it's a particularly waitressy thing to do, but readjust your hair.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:47 PM on April 27, 2005


I second Jessamyn: People who are good at flirting or who enjoy it just sort of toss out a flirt vibe at all times. They flirt with the bus driver, they flirt with the people in line at the supermarket, they flirt with the person selling them coffee, it's just a relaxed easy thing to do.

I "flirt" with everyone. So when I'm interested in someone, I do what comes naturally. If they express interest, I'm in a good position to just turn up the heat a little.

Just for starters: the eye contact thing. Try making a little more eye contact with everyone than you might ordinarily, male and female. The grocery checkout chick. The guy you see at your bus stop every morning. The little old lady whose hair was so cute.

Long term: get to like yourself. A lot. Get to know yourself. If you truly believe you're a fun person to be around, intelligent, worth getting to know, etc, you don't worry so much about rejection. Cheesy, but true; I speak from experience.
posted by Specklet at 3:47 PM on April 27, 2005


How do I get better at flirting? in a nice way

Lose the idea that you have to do it in a nice way... we're talking about flirting after all, and the whole thing is kind of necessarily crass. I've never been to the zoo and thought "my, that peacock is showing it's feathers in a nice way..." it's always over-the-top, obtrusive, and really quite silly looking to a third party--but it's all part of the ceremony.

I'm not saying to be a dick, or be pushy or aggressive or anything... just that flirting in a deliberately nice way will probably get you a good buddy to go antiquing with on Sunday, but probably not anything in the way of a romantic partner (apologies if I've made an assumption about your intentions that was not warranted).
posted by cadastral at 4:02 PM on April 27, 2005


Okay, so, all of jessamyn's advice is great except... "I'm a sexual being, even if maybe you don't think of me that way"?? No. Please don't.

Eye contact, casual touching and saying nice things about the other person. That's all you need to do.

Beware the "practice flirting with a flirter" advice. People who flirt with everyone are usually very quick to take it to the next level, so if you're not looking for that, watch out. On preview, as Specklet already pointed out!

Also, I disagree with cadastral's advice because the idea of "crass flirting" is an oxymoron to me. But I guess that depends on whether your goal is to find love or to get laid.
posted by naomi at 4:18 PM on April 27, 2005


Well... I'm not supposing that I'd give the elevator eyes to Dutchess Elsie Stroughbatten at the HM the Queen's jubilee, but I tend to flirt out there in the real world... where an total absence of any kind of crassness would come across as, well, prudish?
posted by cadastral at 4:26 PM on April 27, 2005


People who flirt with everyone are usually very quick to take it to the next level

Interesting. That hasn't been my experience at all!
posted by redfoxtail at 4:28 PM on April 27, 2005


May I recommend four books:

How to Talk To Anyone by Leil Lowndes;
The Flirt Coach by Peta Heskell;
Superflirt by Tracey Cox;
The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene.

Go and buy them all now.

Though the first three may be a little on the cheesy side, each of these books is packed with terrific advice on how to flirt. The last one is much more intellectual and eloquently-written, but is more cynical in its attitude. But all of them will give you excellent insight which can be applied not only to romance but to the wider world, including friendships and business.

Some basic suggestions I've picked up from the books:

• Every single interaction in life is a potential chance to seduce.
• Make eye contact, and smile - slowly.
• If someone is interested, they will smile back.
• Smiling is usually a signal that you are safe to approach.
• Ask people about themselves. But it's not an interview!
posted by skylar at 4:31 PM on April 27, 2005 [2 favorites]


now that you have some pointers, go to a speeddating/fastdater event with the intention of marking everyone a no and practice. the events are fun (often with at least one free drink!) and because your interactions are kept to three minutes, just as you begin to get embarassed by yourself, you're on to the next guy, so it really does keep the stress to a minimum. plus, everyone is receptive, so you can practice with a willing target. also, you don't have to worry about blowing it with someone you really like because (theoretically) everyone there is a total stranger!
posted by crush-onastick at 4:33 PM on April 27, 2005


People who flirt with everyone are usually very quick to take it to the next level, so if you're not looking for that, watch out. On preview, as Specklet already pointed out!

Eeee, I didn't mean at all that as a flirter, I'm quick to take it to the next level! On the contrary, I rarely engage in "serious" flirting. All I meant was that, because I flirt with everyone, it's easy for me to approach someone I may find attractive.
posted by Specklet at 4:34 PM on April 27, 2005


A further follow-up to the warning about flirts: The much more common complaint about extra flirty people I've encountered is that they are teases -- people read their flirty signals as signs that they want to go to the next level, when in fact they're just in it for the flirting. Then nothing more comes of it, and some flirted-with non-flirt gets confused and frustrated. I think you can usually tell the difference between people who are giant flirts and people who are, uh, especially "fast". If you want to go with my advice for practice, opt for the former, not the latter.
posted by redfoxtail at 5:01 PM on April 27, 2005


show some cleavage,

Um...what about those of us who aren't buxom? Or don't happen to be wearing a low-cut shirt? Or just would prefer that we attract men based on something other than our huuuge...tracts of land? I'm really not such a delicate flower that I shout boyzone in a crowded thread very often, but seriously: for fuck's sake.

My own advice: hold eye contact while smiling. Ask follow-up questions to whatever he's talking about (provided you find it interesting, too). Create a little "you and me against the world" vibe with your conversation/jokes/ glances. Avoid the temptation to get all giggly and high-pitched -- remember that "flirtatious" isn't a synonym for "flighty."
posted by scody at 5:35 PM on April 27, 2005 [3 favorites]


Hey baby, what's shakin?
posted by joelf at 5:53 PM on April 27, 2005


One neat thing I learned by hangin' 'round cognitive psychologists is that people are more perceptive of dynamic facial expressions. People are more responsive to a subtle change to a "slightly more smile-like" expression from a neutral one than they are to a quantitatively larger smile on its own.

So when you practice holding that gaze and smiling, remember that it doesn't take much!
posted by Eamon at 6:40 PM on April 27, 2005 [1 favorite]


Girls don't need to flirt, but I am sure it is fun if you do. Just make eye contact, smile and everything happens almost automatically after that. It works about the same for guys, but the odds of success on any particular encounter are much lower. A little self confidence, false or real, goes a long way. Have fun.

As for the embarrassment bit, forget about it. Everyone embarrasses themselves liberally in the dating scene. Looks are really not that important either, unless you want to get with someone who has awesome looks themselves. If you project an air of confidence about your looks, you will look good regardless of your physical appearance. Really, just smile at some folks and you will make friends.
posted by caddis at 6:53 PM on April 27, 2005


scody writes "Um...what about those of us who aren't buxom? Or don't happen to be wearing a low-cut shirt? Or just would prefer that we attract men based on something other than our huuuge...tracts of land? "

Size doesn't matter. Showing interest does. (And if you're not buxom, good, you can go braless. This also serves to get guys' attention.)

Trying to flirt "in a nice way" sends mixed signals many guys will read as "just being nice" or "not interested".
posted by orthogonality at 6:53 PM on April 27, 2005


I think what others have said--fear of rejection, self-consciousness, that sort of thing--all point in the same direction, and that's where I'd point too.

If you treat flirting like harmless fun, without a lot of emotional investment, it'll work a lot better. If there's somebody out there you have a secret crush on, don't try this on that person right off the bat. If, however, you start flirting with random people in bars (learning what works, what doesn't, and what works, but not how you intended), you'll get better practice at it, and can then try out your ninja-like flirting technique on secret-crush object.
posted by adamrice at 6:53 PM on April 27, 2005


Oh come ooooon, scody, this is a thread about flirting. Are we really gonna pretend that looks aren't part of the mix? Like the cover of my health textbook in high school said, "Lookin' Good, Feelin' Good!". If you feel attractive, you will be more attractive. There's no shame in pulling out the stereotypical feminine stuff (form-fitting clothes, makeup) if it makes you feel good about yourself. And it's not like looking good will *only* attract the wrong sorts of people. It might just give you the confidence to attract and/or approach the people you find attractive, and the forget the rest.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:54 PM on April 27, 2005 [1 favorite]


jessamyn: - holding glances a bit more than a normal glance, while smiling. Making sure you have their attention and then smiling makes it seem more directed in a "yeah, I'm looking at you" way.

I just read this. That's how it works. Have fun.
posted by caddis at 6:57 PM on April 27, 2005


naomi, jessamyn meant that those actions/conversations implicitly connote "i'm a sexual being" by nature of the topic, NOT that one should explicitly announce that outloud!
posted by fionab at 7:00 PM on April 27, 2005 [1 favorite]


And if you're not buxom, good, you can go braless. This also serves to get guys' attention.

Thanks, but the last time I went braless in public, you know what happened? A coworker of mine felt me up and said, "ooh, you're nipping out." True story. So no fucking thanks.

Are we really gonna pretend that looks aren't part of the mix?

Of course not, and you'll note I didn't say a damn thing about looks not mattering in general. I've managed to flirt successfully for years without flashing cleavage, and so I was simply suggesting that there might be more options than simply letting one's tits do the talking. As for me, I dress/groom in a way that's flattering and showcases my own sense of style (I favor a sort of sexy mod librarian discovers new wave look); I also happpen to never wear a low-cut shirt or dress in public because I'm really pale and have a bony chest above my boobs. And yet -- shockingly! -- I've never had much trouble in making my intentions known to someone I'm attracted to. (In fact, I'm one of those people who seemingly flirts with nearly everyone -- men, women, people in stores, coworkers, etc. -- because I'm enthusiastic, chatty, and really interested in other people. Keeping my breasts covered in public has never seemed to work to my disadvantage, though it does sometimes make it difficult to buy a summer dress.)
posted by scody at 7:22 PM on April 27, 2005 [2 favorites]


Double-posting to say sorry for sounding more snippy there than I actually intended. I'm really not upset by the conversation -- just somewhat passionate about trying to counteract the idea that showing cleavage is necessary component to flirting in general.

In my case, for example, I know for a fact that I'm more physically flattered by a well-cut, form-fitting top that isn't low-cut than I am by any cleavage-bearing top I could ever find. (I'm also far more flattered by wearing a well-fitted bra and thereby boosting what I got than I am by going au natural.) I think everyone should dress to their own personal strengths, rather than trying to fit in with a one-size-fits-all approach to "what is sexy" (like that old Ben Stiller faux-commercial where everyone's writhing around over gardening implements).

Or maybe I'm just jaded because I live in L.A. and every where I go it's like BOOBS! BOOBS! BIG FAKE BOOBS! BOOBS SHAPED LIKE BLIMPS BEING HELD ALOFT OF THEIR OWN VOLITION UNDER TINY TANK TOPS! BOOBS! I mean, honestly: the last time I was back in Chicago I was practically giddy at the sight of other women with real breasts wearing normal shirts.
posted by scody at 7:55 PM on April 27, 2005 [5 favorites]


I'm an absolutely shameless flirt, and there's a few things that have helped. The first was realizing that being self-conscious is almost universally a part of the human condition. Everyone, on some level, is concerned with measuring up. But I've learned to put that in perspective - I've made a perfectly spectacular ass of myself, many times over. So what's the harm if I flirt with someone and they don't flirt back? I've lived through far worse than that.

The second part is accepting myself. I've come to really like who I am and having that as a foundation really helps if an object of attention doesn't especially appreciate me.

Last but not least - don't underestimate the power of the gay boyfriend. (Silly song here, since it's now stuck in my head) I can be as flirty and over-the-top as I like without any of the occasionally disconcerting "now this person thinks I want to take them home" overtones.

And yeah, practice practice practice *before* you meet the person who makes you wanna blush & run.

Good luck and have fun!

(oh, and on preview - cleavage, smeavage. Wear what makes you feel fierce and it'll work because you say it does)
posted by Space Kitty at 8:16 PM on April 27, 2005


Hahah, sorry for the constant boob fest you live through, scody. We're really on the same page- that part of flirting is feeling attractive. For some reason, that might include showing cleavage; for others, not so much. It is that one-size-fits-all approach that scares people away- I watch way too many makeover shows for my own good (TLC, woot woot), and it seems the female candidates are usually scared to death of anything feminine, because what they see on TV or in magazines implies that you have to get dressed to the nines with your boobs to your chin every time you go out. And it's nice to see them discover that they can look feminine without sacrificing their comfort or their personal style.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:16 PM on April 27, 2005 [1 favorite]


And omg, Space Kitty, that song is hysterical.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:20 PM on April 27, 2005 [1 favorite]


Or maybe I'm just jaded because I live in L.A. and every where I go it's like BOOBS! BOOBS! BIG FAKE BOOBS! BOOBS SHAPED LIKE BLIMPS BEING HELD ALOFT OF THEIR OWN VOLITION UNDER TINY TANK TOPS! BOOBS! I mean, honestly: the last time I was back in Chicago I was practically giddy at the sight of other women with real breasts wearing normal shirts.

It's just like the "men actually prefer women two sizes larger than what women believe men want" factoid: most men like the gravity-defying breasts in advertising, but we like all sorts of boobies, period. This despite the pressure from commercial imagery to pressure women into thinking that their breasts should be a certain way.

Flashing cleavage or not? IMO, modifying behavior is far more effective than modifying appearance when it comes to flirting. Whether you've won the genetic lottery or not, how you act is still more important than what you wear. If wearing something different/special helps you act more naturally and/or confidently, by all means go for it -- but wear it to make yourself feel good, not because you "need" to do it to successfully flirt.

The phrase 'women with real breasts wearing normal shirts' sounds hawt.
posted by DaShiv at 9:05 PM on April 27, 2005


The best experiences I have ever had meeting women was when I asked myself, "What do I have to lose?" before walking up and talking to them. That realization always puts me in a zen like calm, assuming I even know what a zen-like calm is. Smelling good and brushing your teeth and hair work charms, by the way. There was this girl in my class who I would have been pretty attracted to, if she had brushed her teeth when she leaned up against me.

But then, maybe she was so confident she didn't care.
posted by Dean Keaton at 12:29 AM on April 28, 2005


Metafilter: HELD ALOFT OF THEIR OWN VOLITION
posted by Dean Keaton at 12:30 AM on April 28, 2005 [1 favorite]


theora55: I'd say it depends on where you want your flirting to lead. The office flirt goes about it differently from the girl who meets someone she's interested in. The office flirt, will laugh a lot, touch, smile, all that stuff mentioned above. The girl who's interested in someone will have an intensity, a focus. She needs to pay attention to the person she's interested in. That's about it. The girl who's interested in someone should definitely not fake aloofness or flirt with other guys to make the person of interest jealous. Just doesn't work.
posted by Panfilo at 12:48 AM on April 28, 2005


Now that I read intensity and focus it seems sort of creepy. But I meant non-creepy intensity and focus.
posted by Panfilo at 12:49 AM on April 28, 2005


There are lots of way of flirting, dependent on person and where you want it to lead, as Panfilo says above.

Myself I am a shameless flirt, I flirt with everyone regardless of age, race and gender, but usually I don't have no specific reasons for flirting per se. My flatmate is also a flirter, but she only flirts with eligible men in order to test whether they might be husband material.

We have a few tricks in common; smile, smile a lot, look into his/her eyes (but don't stare), lean forward to the person you are talking to and open you eyes wide - not like you're mad, but smiling with the eyes.
Be enthusiastic, ask questions, be interesting -have opinion on news, books, tv, films, music, the evil fashion industry... I also find it useful to connect with men over some superficial knowledge about football/soccer)- but don't try to be someone you are not - I have little interest in football, I only cheer for the team with the best-looking men, something I tell them (and then they can patronise me, some people like that).

I admit that I practise in front of the mirror: I test out poses, types of smiles, "how does my cleavage look when I do this?", I practise making my hair fly. But even more important, and quite contrary, don't be too self-conscious but have plenty of self-irony. Laugh of yourself, so when your dramatic and perfectly rehearsed pose accidentally knock down your drink be embarrassed but laugh - "It looked so better when I practised in front of the mirror." Personally I tend to be a bit over the top, I'm not sure whether I can recommend that.

Practise on people that you aren't interested in is a good idea, when you add the ingredient of someone you are interested in, everyone can get tongue tied.

And remember: Flirting is fun!
posted by mummimamma at 2:04 AM on April 28, 2005 [1 favorite]


mumminmama, i love you. will you have my children?
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:50 AM on April 28, 2005


People who flirt with everyone are usually very quick to take it to the next level

I agree with redfoxtail: that hasn't been my experience. Some flirters want to go further, but it seems to me most just enjoy flirting. Like mumminmama said, flirting is fun. Except, of course, that for some people it isn't. I have a (female) friend who hates flirting: she can't do it herself, and she gets confused when other people do it. So, you know, people are different. For me (a happily married man), flirting is a pleasurable way to let someone else know they're attractive and to feel attractive myself. If you're used to flirting, it's pretty easy to tell the difference between that and the I-want-to-get-in-your-pants type, which I don't call "flirting" -- it's seduction, which is a different kettle of fish. (Of course, orthogonalilty thinks, or pretends to think, that flirting means "throwing yourself at a guy as obviously as possible." Yeah, don't wear a bra! Edgy, dude!)
posted by languagehat at 7:27 AM on April 28, 2005


I love to flirt, I don't flirt constantly, but I can turn it on. Just a couple tips.

>Good flirters are very self-confident, at least externally.
>Always, always, always, always smile.
>Eye contact, look at them in the eyes.
>Find something unique about each person, every person has something special about them. Find that something and compliment them on it. Compliment, compliment, compliment, there is nothing on earth someone likes to hear more about then themselves.
>Be funny, but not too self-deprecating.
>Learn how to read body language, a person never needs to speak for you to know how they feel about you.
>Lean in when talking to someone, almost conspiritorally. One thing that everyone says about charismatic people is that they make you feel like you're the only person in the room.
>Avoid talking about yourself, flirting is about getting a reaction from the other person.
>Laugh when they say something funny.
>Initiate touching (Be VERY VERY VERY careful, for men, it scares some women to be touched, for women it can lead men to think this is something more), but just a light grab of their hand, "You've got to be kidding!"

and lastly, not everyone likes to flirt, or likes to be flirted with, so you need to pick up on that as well.
posted by patrickje at 10:24 AM on April 28, 2005 [2 favorites]


Wow. Many great responses. I'm all verklempt. I don't want to be a flirt as a lifestyle, I want to get better at not freezing up around a guy I might be interested in.

Scody, the rant was exceptional.

Madman, I think a lot of this advice is gender-neutral. Except for the cleavage.

Thanks, everybody.
posted by theora55 at 10:36 AM on April 28, 2005


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