urghhhhguhh.
February 6, 2011 12:19 PM Subscribe
In the middle of a pretty crippling psychiatric/depressive break. what do i do?
I'm alone in a city I barely know anymore, what few close friends I had have either passively or actively drifted away. My parents are across the country. I'm so depressed I can't sleep or eat, I can barely get out of bed. The two close friends I've confided in basically told me to grow the fuck up, that its all my fault, and to leave them the fuck out of it. I have a lovely boyfriend but I'm afraid to burden him too much -- I was the recipient of that in a relationship a few years back and it just ruined everything.
I know I need to go see someone about this, but really? what will they do? i'm afraid of SSRI's and it seems like that's the first thing any doctor will suggest. is there any other suggestion i can expect from them?
I'm considering giving up on my life here and moving home to be with my family, as I really don't have a lot to show for myself. I haven't slept in a few days, my stomach feels like its digesting itself, my heart is racing. with the loss of my closest friends, who have basically shunned me, i've fallen out of touch with everyone from my past. i feel aimless and invisible. i can't think of anyone save my boyfriend i could reach out to, who wouldn't tell me I was totally right in my feelings of worthlessness.
what do i do?
if it helps, i'm in toronto.
I'm alone in a city I barely know anymore, what few close friends I had have either passively or actively drifted away. My parents are across the country. I'm so depressed I can't sleep or eat, I can barely get out of bed. The two close friends I've confided in basically told me to grow the fuck up, that its all my fault, and to leave them the fuck out of it. I have a lovely boyfriend but I'm afraid to burden him too much -- I was the recipient of that in a relationship a few years back and it just ruined everything.
I know I need to go see someone about this, but really? what will they do? i'm afraid of SSRI's and it seems like that's the first thing any doctor will suggest. is there any other suggestion i can expect from them?
I'm considering giving up on my life here and moving home to be with my family, as I really don't have a lot to show for myself. I haven't slept in a few days, my stomach feels like its digesting itself, my heart is racing. with the loss of my closest friends, who have basically shunned me, i've fallen out of touch with everyone from my past. i feel aimless and invisible. i can't think of anyone save my boyfriend i could reach out to, who wouldn't tell me I was totally right in my feelings of worthlessness.
what do i do?
if it helps, i'm in toronto.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and I'm especially sorry that people you care about are being such jerks to you. You don't deserve that. Their reaction is not about you, it's about something wrong with them.
I don't know much about mental health resources in your area, but a little googling brought up this list of 24-hour mental health hotlines. If I were you, I'd consider calling one of them and telling them what you've told us. Hopefully, they'll be able to help you figure out what resources you can access to help you.
I'll also say this: going to a doctor does not mean taking SSRIs if you don't want them. Without any further information about why you don't want to take SSRIs, I will encourage you to listen to your doctor and ask questions about whether medication of some sort might be right for you. But if you decide that it isn't right for you, it's absolutely up to you to decide what kind of treatment you want, and there are lots of non-SSRI options. First, there are other kinds of medication that might help. Ask. If you want no medication at all, there's therapy and support groups and social workers and all sorts of things that you can get access to by getting yourself plugged into the mental health community via a doctor. You can get someone to help you craft a diet and exercise regimen that can help make you feel better. The point is that you have options. You just need someone to help walk you through what they are.
Finally, I know you don't want to be a burden on your boyfriend or your parents. But I hope that you'll at least let them know what a hard time you're having. Tell them that you don't expect them to drop everything to take care of you, but let them offer the support that they're able to give you. Yes, it can feel overwhelming to be a source of emotional support to someone who is going through what you're going through. But it can also be heartbreaking to watch someone go through it and feel like they're pushing you away. Give them the opportunity to help you.
If you want to talk, feel free to MeMail me. Like a lot of other people, I've been through something like this, and I'm happy to offer any support I can give you.
posted by decathecting at 12:31 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't know much about mental health resources in your area, but a little googling brought up this list of 24-hour mental health hotlines. If I were you, I'd consider calling one of them and telling them what you've told us. Hopefully, they'll be able to help you figure out what resources you can access to help you.
I'll also say this: going to a doctor does not mean taking SSRIs if you don't want them. Without any further information about why you don't want to take SSRIs, I will encourage you to listen to your doctor and ask questions about whether medication of some sort might be right for you. But if you decide that it isn't right for you, it's absolutely up to you to decide what kind of treatment you want, and there are lots of non-SSRI options. First, there are other kinds of medication that might help. Ask. If you want no medication at all, there's therapy and support groups and social workers and all sorts of things that you can get access to by getting yourself plugged into the mental health community via a doctor. You can get someone to help you craft a diet and exercise regimen that can help make you feel better. The point is that you have options. You just need someone to help walk you through what they are.
Finally, I know you don't want to be a burden on your boyfriend or your parents. But I hope that you'll at least let them know what a hard time you're having. Tell them that you don't expect them to drop everything to take care of you, but let them offer the support that they're able to give you. Yes, it can feel overwhelming to be a source of emotional support to someone who is going through what you're going through. But it can also be heartbreaking to watch someone go through it and feel like they're pushing you away. Give them the opportunity to help you.
If you want to talk, feel free to MeMail me. Like a lot of other people, I've been through something like this, and I'm happy to offer any support I can give you.
posted by decathecting at 12:31 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
The two close friends I've confided in basically told me to grow the fuck up
That behavior makes them not close friends, but I think you know that already. It sounds like you're in such a bad place that everything seems knotted together, and it seems impossible to pull the knot out of one spot in the fear of tangling up another area.
I think the best place to start is to get a good therapist, and tell him or her about your fears of SSRIs, and your fear of over burdening your bf. I think that's a normal worry, but I also think it's likely that he wants to help you. I think the starting place is a therapist, though. It's just a person who's always on your side and being your advocate, no matter what else ends up happening.
posted by sweetkid at 12:32 PM on February 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
That behavior makes them not close friends, but I think you know that already. It sounds like you're in such a bad place that everything seems knotted together, and it seems impossible to pull the knot out of one spot in the fear of tangling up another area.
I think the best place to start is to get a good therapist, and tell him or her about your fears of SSRIs, and your fear of over burdening your bf. I think that's a normal worry, but I also think it's likely that he wants to help you. I think the starting place is a therapist, though. It's just a person who's always on your side and being your advocate, no matter what else ends up happening.
posted by sweetkid at 12:32 PM on February 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
yes, I too have been through this and am available to talk via meMail.
posted by sweetkid at 12:33 PM on February 6, 2011
posted by sweetkid at 12:33 PM on February 6, 2011
You sound seriously depressed. I'm so sorry. You need help -- it's a sickness and telling yourself (or being told to) snap the fuck out of it is not in any way helpful.
Standard treatment for depression/anxiety typically involves a combination of meds and therapy.
If you're adamant about avoiding drugs, therapy will be likely be your main option. But having been where you are, I can tell you it's super hard to make a go of therapy when you're in that kind of low place. A limited time on meds might help you jump-start the therapy thing.
If you have specific concerns about SSRIs tell your doctor. There are lot of options for medication and I bet you can likely avoid most of what you're worried about.
I'm willing to bet none of the side effects you're concerned about are nearly as bad as what you're living through now, though.
Take care, get help, you're not worthless! (repeat)
posted by pantarei70 at 12:34 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Standard treatment for depression/anxiety typically involves a combination of meds and therapy.
If you're adamant about avoiding drugs, therapy will be likely be your main option. But having been where you are, I can tell you it's super hard to make a go of therapy when you're in that kind of low place. A limited time on meds might help you jump-start the therapy thing.
If you have specific concerns about SSRIs tell your doctor. There are lot of options for medication and I bet you can likely avoid most of what you're worried about.
I'm willing to bet none of the side effects you're concerned about are nearly as bad as what you're living through now, though.
Take care, get help, you're not worthless! (repeat)
posted by pantarei70 at 12:34 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Go see a psychiatrist and see what he or she has to say. There are lots of ways depression is treated; antidepressants are only one.
It's worth noting that SSRIs have helped a lot of people. Do you have a reason to be afraid of them other than the fact that they're psychoactive meds? A physician can explain to you the real risks of taking them - and you absolutely should get an explanation about what you're doing rather than just an instruction to do it - but it's quite possible that your aversion is actually your depression talking.
posted by J. Wilson at 12:43 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
It's worth noting that SSRIs have helped a lot of people. Do you have a reason to be afraid of them other than the fact that they're psychoactive meds? A physician can explain to you the real risks of taking them - and you absolutely should get an explanation about what you're doing rather than just an instruction to do it - but it's quite possible that your aversion is actually your depression talking.
posted by J. Wilson at 12:43 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
i'm afraid of SSRI's and it seems like that's the first thing any doctor will suggest.
I'm sorry you're afraid of these, because they've made my life bearable on many occasions - right now being one of them. One of things my mental illness does is increase the level of fear I experience, on nearly everything.
If you would like to share your concerns about these through memail, I'd be happy to talk about it with you - not try and convince you to my way of thinking, just share my experiences.
posted by b33j at 12:43 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry you're afraid of these, because they've made my life bearable on many occasions - right now being one of them. One of things my mental illness does is increase the level of fear I experience, on nearly everything.
If you would like to share your concerns about these through memail, I'd be happy to talk about it with you - not try and convince you to my way of thinking, just share my experiences.
posted by b33j at 12:43 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I am climbing out of the worst episode of my life currently---I can maybe help you with some stuff, if only the reassurance that the potential for remission really does exist. Send me a message if you want. I am an old hand at this, unfortunately.
posted by TheRedArmy at 12:47 PM on February 6, 2011
posted by TheRedArmy at 12:47 PM on February 6, 2011
I agree with others that meds might/will probably help but I think easing into that with therapy first is a good option -- that's what I did, and I my therapist even made the appt for me. He was just always available to help me navigate anything stressful, complicated, frustrating, sad, etc etc. It's just such a great resource to have and I can't recommend it enough. If you have a great therapist, you have everything.
posted by sweetkid at 12:47 PM on February 6, 2011
posted by sweetkid at 12:47 PM on February 6, 2011
Yes, you should see a medical doctor. Did you try SSRI yourself and have bad side effects, or why is it that you are afraid of them? If you've heard horror stories from other people, remember that for every person who has a bad experience to tell about, there are at least ten who were truly helped out of a pit that they didn't expect to get out from alive. SSRIs are not addictive and you wouldn't be expected to take them forever, just for a time to get back on your feet.
If you absolutely don't want them, there are several types of antidepressants available, and if you refuse antidepressants of all kinds, you can at least get something to help you sleep. Go to a doctor and explain how you feel and what you are concerned about.
posted by springload at 12:49 PM on February 6, 2011
If you absolutely don't want them, there are several types of antidepressants available, and if you refuse antidepressants of all kinds, you can at least get something to help you sleep. Go to a doctor and explain how you feel and what you are concerned about.
posted by springload at 12:49 PM on February 6, 2011
Whoa there. Time to slam on the brakes for a minute.
* Go take a walk. Clear your head. Yes, Toronto is snowy, but it's nothing you can't handle.
* Buy some cheap flowers at the local Mac's or whatever and put them in a bud vase or mug. Sniff deeply and often. Spring is coming!
* Once home, put on some music you like or other people like, make a mug of something, and sit down.
Now:
1) You clearly have a ton of distorted thoughts that are kicking off these negative emotions. However you do it, you need to interrupt these, because no amount of SSRIs or drugs or whatever will fix the problem otherwise. So do what I did -- buy "Feeling Good," and read it, cover to cover, and DO THE EXERCISES. Don't skim, actually do what it tells you to do. You don't have to do it all at once, but start. The book, which was recommended to me by other MeFites, has chapters on The Approval Addiction, developing self-worth, etc. that would be particularly good for you.
2) Running home to family is running away. Deal with your problems and your thoughts.
3) While you're doing that, develop a strict morning routine and follow it for a month. Literally, wake up, make coffee, empty dishwasher, shower, surf web 30 mins, whatever. I found this article to be really useful. You want to crowd out opportunities for you to just sit around and stew. Structure works.
4) Learn to meditate. Full stop. Hey, even the New York Times says it's a good idea.
And quit beating up on yourself so relentlessly. Just exist for a few days and stop obsessing about others.
You can get yourself sorted out in a substantial way with careful, considered, incremental effort. Running home or acting out is not a solution. Good luck. =)
posted by teedee2000 at 12:52 PM on February 6, 2011 [9 favorites]
* Go take a walk. Clear your head. Yes, Toronto is snowy, but it's nothing you can't handle.
* Buy some cheap flowers at the local Mac's or whatever and put them in a bud vase or mug. Sniff deeply and often. Spring is coming!
* Once home, put on some music you like or other people like, make a mug of something, and sit down.
Now:
1) You clearly have a ton of distorted thoughts that are kicking off these negative emotions. However you do it, you need to interrupt these, because no amount of SSRIs or drugs or whatever will fix the problem otherwise. So do what I did -- buy "Feeling Good," and read it, cover to cover, and DO THE EXERCISES. Don't skim, actually do what it tells you to do. You don't have to do it all at once, but start. The book, which was recommended to me by other MeFites, has chapters on The Approval Addiction, developing self-worth, etc. that would be particularly good for you.
2) Running home to family is running away. Deal with your problems and your thoughts.
3) While you're doing that, develop a strict morning routine and follow it for a month. Literally, wake up, make coffee, empty dishwasher, shower, surf web 30 mins, whatever. I found this article to be really useful. You want to crowd out opportunities for you to just sit around and stew. Structure works.
4) Learn to meditate. Full stop. Hey, even the New York Times says it's a good idea.
And quit beating up on yourself so relentlessly. Just exist for a few days and stop obsessing about others.
You can get yourself sorted out in a substantial way with careful, considered, incremental effort. Running home or acting out is not a solution. Good luck. =)
posted by teedee2000 at 12:52 PM on February 6, 2011 [9 favorites]
Don't be afraid of the ssris. If you are experiencing clinical depression your brain might need the extra help, and that's no sin or shame.
Please tell those "friends" for me that THEY can grow the heck up. Tell them to educate themselves about depression and quit being so ignorant.
Call a help line and ask them for resources. Follow through.
And, *hugs*
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:59 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Please tell those "friends" for me that THEY can grow the heck up. Tell them to educate themselves about depression and quit being so ignorant.
Call a help line and ask them for resources. Follow through.
And, *hugs*
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:59 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I know your pain. I have lived it for my whole life. Reading feel-good books will not help, in fact, they may make you feel worse. You need medication.
I have a major depressive disorder. SSRIs saved my life. Literally. I was afraid of them too. But finally the depression was so unbearable, I tried Prozac. Prozac was not good for me. Then I tried Zoloft. It made a major difference. Please talk to your doctor. If you feel you cannot talk to your doctor, then print out your feelings and give them to your doctor to read.
posted by fifilaru at 12:59 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have a major depressive disorder. SSRIs saved my life. Literally. I was afraid of them too. But finally the depression was so unbearable, I tried Prozac. Prozac was not good for me. Then I tried Zoloft. It made a major difference. Please talk to your doctor. If you feel you cannot talk to your doctor, then print out your feelings and give them to your doctor to read.
posted by fifilaru at 12:59 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
there's some good advice given already, but nonetheless here is mine:
tell your boyfriend that you're down and out, also tell him of being on the receiving end before.
any reaction to your situation is better than not letting him know.
tell your parents, just the gist of it, as they are far away.
keep details or gravitas in check with your relationship to them.
walk, wander about, set a simple, not crowded goal on the map and walk there.
even the loneliest of places have little somethings that somehow distract you in a good way and the walking is good, really good.
seek help, i know it can feel impossible to even start doing this, but do.
don't ask what they will do, they will do something good, it will help, one way or the other.
ask for medication, but try to use it only for a short period of time if you can, because it can get addictive and sometimes it just pushes the real, basic problems to a place where one day they will find you.
don't read too much into this, therapy, any therapy is good.
but it will help you getting out and to walk more.
good luck, must be hell.
posted by Substrata at 1:04 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
tell your boyfriend that you're down and out, also tell him of being on the receiving end before.
any reaction to your situation is better than not letting him know.
tell your parents, just the gist of it, as they are far away.
keep details or gravitas in check with your relationship to them.
walk, wander about, set a simple, not crowded goal on the map and walk there.
even the loneliest of places have little somethings that somehow distract you in a good way and the walking is good, really good.
seek help, i know it can feel impossible to even start doing this, but do.
don't ask what they will do, they will do something good, it will help, one way or the other.
ask for medication, but try to use it only for a short period of time if you can, because it can get addictive and sometimes it just pushes the real, basic problems to a place where one day they will find you.
don't read too much into this, therapy, any therapy is good.
but it will help you getting out and to walk more.
good luck, must be hell.
posted by Substrata at 1:04 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
My two cents:
Best thing to improve your mood right now is to get outdoors and take a very long walk (even in the snow/cold); staying in bed and indoors will only worsen how you feel, going outdoors will remind you that there is a bigger world out there and that you're not all alone. Physical activity will also help you sleep at night and trigger brain chemicals to help you sort through your thoughts.
A "friend" (or anyone else) who tells you to "snap the fuck out of" anything is not someone you want to keep in your inner circle, regardless of how you're feeling
When you see a psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist/counsellor/etc (and it sounds like you really need to make an appointment with someone) you are the one driving the bus, they are there to help you with directions but ultimately it is up to you to find your path. First off tell them that you are not interested in a prescription; if they try to convince you otherwise then look for another professional to help you work through your issues without pills (and it has been done).
posted by braemar at 1:08 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by braemar at 1:08 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Dear Anonymous,
You're making a smart move by posting here. There are many good folks out here who will support you through this.
I understand where you are right now. I have been there. Friendless, hopeless, lost, worthless (feeling) and invisible.
If you're apprehensive about getting on SSRI's, instead of going to an allopathic doctor (western medicine -- pharmaceuticals prescribed in most cases) you could find a naturopathic doctor who will help you look at your overall condition and combat your depression with mutli-faceted self-care.
You may or may not have any idea what that means, but I am going to propose to you that in your current state, your sense of helplessness and worthless are hugely caused by your own state of powerlessness. Going home could provide you with a supportive place and people to take care of you....and that could be what you need right now. Or not. You will know what to do.
Right now, you need to prove to yourself that you CAN make your life work. All by yourself. This might be the beginning of a very, very critical "proving it to yourself" journey in your life. No matter where you are.
I wish you had a name, but dear person, you DO matter, and your life has purpose and value. Perhaps you've found this sense of value to a large degree in other people/things? The feeling of powerlessness and worthlessness only begins to go away when you (on your own, by your own choices!) decide to get yourself out of bed without "their" help, decide to fight self-pity with a determination, and take the FIRST STEP toward the empowering journey of taking responsibility for your own health, happiness and life's purpose.
And that may mean calling a health professional who cares. Do this for yourself. You'll respect yourself for doing it, and this is the kind of stuff your friends will respect -- you taking care of yourself. You won't feel so helpless.
Last thought here: your journey is yours and yours alone. No one but you is responsible for your happiness. You CAN get to a better place, better health, better ability to take care of giving yourself three healthy meals a day, calming yourself, doing things that help you sleep, and finding a sense of peace inside. Getting yourself involved in things/purposes that ARE valuable.
HOWEVER, this is a journey you CANNOT make in isolation. You've got to decide to reach out to those who ARE capable of helping you find worth. And they may be people you pay for a while -- a kind, compassionate, encouraging counselor, a doctor, a spiritual community, a nutritionist...(and don't let cost deter you -- you CAN find these things free in any town.)
And, whether you feel it or not, it is possible that there MIGHT be a power higher than you, a power that cares for you, loves you, and sees your life as valuable. Leave room for that possibility. Be open to a greater Love than what you know now.
The MeFi hive is routing for you.
posted by sleeping beauty at 1:09 PM on February 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
You're making a smart move by posting here. There are many good folks out here who will support you through this.
I understand where you are right now. I have been there. Friendless, hopeless, lost, worthless (feeling) and invisible.
If you're apprehensive about getting on SSRI's, instead of going to an allopathic doctor (western medicine -- pharmaceuticals prescribed in most cases) you could find a naturopathic doctor who will help you look at your overall condition and combat your depression with mutli-faceted self-care.
You may or may not have any idea what that means, but I am going to propose to you that in your current state, your sense of helplessness and worthless are hugely caused by your own state of powerlessness. Going home could provide you with a supportive place and people to take care of you....and that could be what you need right now. Or not. You will know what to do.
Right now, you need to prove to yourself that you CAN make your life work. All by yourself. This might be the beginning of a very, very critical "proving it to yourself" journey in your life. No matter where you are.
I wish you had a name, but dear person, you DO matter, and your life has purpose and value. Perhaps you've found this sense of value to a large degree in other people/things? The feeling of powerlessness and worthlessness only begins to go away when you (on your own, by your own choices!) decide to get yourself out of bed without "their" help, decide to fight self-pity with a determination, and take the FIRST STEP toward the empowering journey of taking responsibility for your own health, happiness and life's purpose.
And that may mean calling a health professional who cares. Do this for yourself. You'll respect yourself for doing it, and this is the kind of stuff your friends will respect -- you taking care of yourself. You won't feel so helpless.
Last thought here: your journey is yours and yours alone. No one but you is responsible for your happiness. You CAN get to a better place, better health, better ability to take care of giving yourself three healthy meals a day, calming yourself, doing things that help you sleep, and finding a sense of peace inside. Getting yourself involved in things/purposes that ARE valuable.
HOWEVER, this is a journey you CANNOT make in isolation. You've got to decide to reach out to those who ARE capable of helping you find worth. And they may be people you pay for a while -- a kind, compassionate, encouraging counselor, a doctor, a spiritual community, a nutritionist...(and don't let cost deter you -- you CAN find these things free in any town.)
And, whether you feel it or not, it is possible that there MIGHT be a power higher than you, a power that cares for you, loves you, and sees your life as valuable. Leave room for that possibility. Be open to a greater Love than what you know now.
The MeFi hive is routing for you.
posted by sleeping beauty at 1:09 PM on February 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
teedee: Running home to family can also be desperately needed support. It depends on your family.
Obviously, this is not the best time to be meeting NEW people, but the ones you already have can be very important. To actively isolate yourself further is never great.
But teedee is right about distorted thoughts. They are the most insidious part of depression, and they lie at the root of almost all your problems. You have to constantly question yourself, because there is an IMPOSTOR at the controls. You are not that person, and the way you feel right now is not normal life, you don't have to resign yourself to it. You must just simply wait it out, and be as good to yourself as you can (be it pharmaceutically or otherwise) in the meantime.
It was of great importance to me to think of my depression, to the extent possible, as I would think of any other more physically manifest disease. When you have symptoms you just do what you can to ameliorate in the short term, and wait for the treatment to do its job. Only in this case, symptoms aren't weeping boils and green-tinged skin, they are things more along the lines of 'snapping at friends for no reason' or 'constantly belittling myself to myself' or 'fighting back tears all day.' All they are are symptoms, they are not your personality. When this blows over, you will find that the you that you love and have cultivated all your life is there waiting to resume the controls.
I started to get REAL down when I started to tell myself that my depressed personality was in fact my real personality, and all the work I thought I had done on myself over the years was for nothing.
When you hear yourself insulting yourself, you must not believe its lies.
posted by TheRedArmy at 1:10 PM on February 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Obviously, this is not the best time to be meeting NEW people, but the ones you already have can be very important. To actively isolate yourself further is never great.
But teedee is right about distorted thoughts. They are the most insidious part of depression, and they lie at the root of almost all your problems. You have to constantly question yourself, because there is an IMPOSTOR at the controls. You are not that person, and the way you feel right now is not normal life, you don't have to resign yourself to it. You must just simply wait it out, and be as good to yourself as you can (be it pharmaceutically or otherwise) in the meantime.
It was of great importance to me to think of my depression, to the extent possible, as I would think of any other more physically manifest disease. When you have symptoms you just do what you can to ameliorate in the short term, and wait for the treatment to do its job. Only in this case, symptoms aren't weeping boils and green-tinged skin, they are things more along the lines of 'snapping at friends for no reason' or 'constantly belittling myself to myself' or 'fighting back tears all day.' All they are are symptoms, they are not your personality. When this blows over, you will find that the you that you love and have cultivated all your life is there waiting to resume the controls.
I started to get REAL down when I started to tell myself that my depressed personality was in fact my real personality, and all the work I thought I had done on myself over the years was for nothing.
When you hear yourself insulting yourself, you must not believe its lies.
posted by TheRedArmy at 1:10 PM on February 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Nth, by the way, for another life saved by SSRI's.
posted by TheRedArmy at 1:11 PM on February 6, 2011
posted by TheRedArmy at 1:11 PM on February 6, 2011
Meanwhile (I just remembered this) send your boyfriend out for some quality fish oil capsules. Maybe cod liver oil ones (I take those when I remember...) Sometimes if we don't get enough vitamin D it drags us into depression....whatever the mechanism, they help. (They were recommended to me by a psychiatrist in conjunction with other medication back when I needed to go that route myself.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:14 PM on February 6, 2011
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:14 PM on February 6, 2011
'm afraid of SSRI's and it seems like that's the first thing any doctor will suggest.
why are you afraid of them?
as someone who has been through two debilitating episodes of depression lasting a year or more (during which time i was not able to get out of bed for periods at a time except to go to the bathroom or see my therapist, and with the second episode incurring periods i refer to as "lost" because i do not recall whole days and weeks), who also had two close friends to tell me "to get over myself" when i told them what was going on, meds have literally saved my life. they didn't make me some happy, bouncy person, but they did help me get out of bed and they did help me not be a complete basket case when it came to actually dealing with every day life.
get a therapist. get meds. and take a step at a time from there.
posted by violetk at 1:22 PM on February 6, 2011
why are you afraid of them?
as someone who has been through two debilitating episodes of depression lasting a year or more (during which time i was not able to get out of bed for periods at a time except to go to the bathroom or see my therapist, and with the second episode incurring periods i refer to as "lost" because i do not recall whole days and weeks), who also had two close friends to tell me "to get over myself" when i told them what was going on, meds have literally saved my life. they didn't make me some happy, bouncy person, but they did help me get out of bed and they did help me not be a complete basket case when it came to actually dealing with every day life.
get a therapist. get meds. and take a step at a time from there.
posted by violetk at 1:22 PM on February 6, 2011
Another thing -- it's WINTER and everyone is depressed, trust me! We're all sunlight deprived and VITAMIN D deprived -- please take to heart all the encouragement to get outside. Ask your boyfriend to take you for a walk outside and hold your arm.
AND....I know you don't want to be "a mentally ill person who has to take meds." That's a freaky thought from your place. I understand the fears.
Put those fears aside. I've struggled with depression on and off. Everyone does. Zoloft in a LOW dose (and believe me, I put off taking if for a while because I didn't want to end up like "one of those people" -- a fear that truly had no validity) might just allow you to get physically, BIOCHEMICALLY stable for a little while, so you can get yourself together. It is a physiological, biochemical adjustment to your system, not a crutch or a sedative.
posted by sleeping beauty at 1:33 PM on February 6, 2011
AND....I know you don't want to be "a mentally ill person who has to take meds." That's a freaky thought from your place. I understand the fears.
Put those fears aside. I've struggled with depression on and off. Everyone does. Zoloft in a LOW dose (and believe me, I put off taking if for a while because I didn't want to end up like "one of those people" -- a fear that truly had no validity) might just allow you to get physically, BIOCHEMICALLY stable for a little while, so you can get yourself together. It is a physiological, biochemical adjustment to your system, not a crutch or a sedative.
posted by sleeping beauty at 1:33 PM on February 6, 2011
oh...i mean, we're rooting for you. (had to look that one up -- it felt wrong.) ; )
posted by sleeping beauty at 1:35 PM on February 6, 2011
posted by sleeping beauty at 1:35 PM on February 6, 2011
There are lots of things a doctor might tell you besides "take SSRIs."
I know one guy who had symptoms like yours — couldn't sleep, couldn't get out of bed, heart racing, felt like shit — and they turned out to come from a problem with his thyroid gland. He wasn't given any sort of psychiatric medication; one round of thyroid treatment and his symptoms went away for good. As I understand it there are other non-psychiatric problems that can make you feel depressed too: anemia, vitamin B deficiency, probably other stuff as well. So even if you're trying to avoid every last psychiatric medication ever made, you still should see a doctor just to make sure this isn't a curable medical condition.
And if it's really just SSRIs you're scared of, if other psych meds don't bother you, then you are definitely in luck. There are non-SSRI antidepressants that work really well for some people with depression. For some other people, what ends up working is a drug outside the antidepressant family entirely: a mood stabilizer or an anti-anxiety med or etcetera etcetera etcetera.
Just go in and find out. If your doc insists that it's SSRIs or nothing, you'll be free to tell him "Sorry, no thanks." But there are plenty of other things that could end up working for you, and you'll never know unless you check.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:26 PM on February 6, 2011
I know one guy who had symptoms like yours — couldn't sleep, couldn't get out of bed, heart racing, felt like shit — and they turned out to come from a problem with his thyroid gland. He wasn't given any sort of psychiatric medication; one round of thyroid treatment and his symptoms went away for good. As I understand it there are other non-psychiatric problems that can make you feel depressed too: anemia, vitamin B deficiency, probably other stuff as well. So even if you're trying to avoid every last psychiatric medication ever made, you still should see a doctor just to make sure this isn't a curable medical condition.
And if it's really just SSRIs you're scared of, if other psych meds don't bother you, then you are definitely in luck. There are non-SSRI antidepressants that work really well for some people with depression. For some other people, what ends up working is a drug outside the antidepressant family entirely: a mood stabilizer or an anti-anxiety med or etcetera etcetera etcetera.
Just go in and find out. If your doc insists that it's SSRIs or nothing, you'll be free to tell him "Sorry, no thanks." But there are plenty of other things that could end up working for you, and you'll never know unless you check.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:26 PM on February 6, 2011
is there any other suggestion i can expect from them?
Yes indeed! Teaching you how to challenge tormenting thoughts is one of them. I had a short course of therapy for anxiety a while back, and when I expressed a fear that my mother's plane would crash while she was on the way to come help me, the doctor took out a legal pad and did some calculations with me to determine the likelihood of that.
If you want to see someone with a less med-focused approach, you might try a licensed clinical social worker rather than a psychiatrist.
Another way to think about meds is that they can be a temporary measure, to allow you to function well enough to start teaching yourself different ways of thinking about the world, which could well allow you to get off meds at some point, if you want. That is how they were used by a couple of people I know.
You honestly sound at least as anxious as you are depressed. I found my mental health treatment for anxiety to be brief (10 weeks), effective (okay, I'm still a worrier, but not in a way that damages my ability to enjoy life), long-lasting (this was more than 15 years ago), and med-free.
You don't lose anything by trying it, anyway!
posted by palliser at 2:55 PM on February 6, 2011
Yes indeed! Teaching you how to challenge tormenting thoughts is one of them. I had a short course of therapy for anxiety a while back, and when I expressed a fear that my mother's plane would crash while she was on the way to come help me, the doctor took out a legal pad and did some calculations with me to determine the likelihood of that.
If you want to see someone with a less med-focused approach, you might try a licensed clinical social worker rather than a psychiatrist.
Another way to think about meds is that they can be a temporary measure, to allow you to function well enough to start teaching yourself different ways of thinking about the world, which could well allow you to get off meds at some point, if you want. That is how they were used by a couple of people I know.
You honestly sound at least as anxious as you are depressed. I found my mental health treatment for anxiety to be brief (10 weeks), effective (okay, I'm still a worrier, but not in a way that damages my ability to enjoy life), long-lasting (this was more than 15 years ago), and med-free.
You don't lose anything by trying it, anyway!
posted by palliser at 2:55 PM on February 6, 2011
I have gone through something very similar recently. I am still coping with it, but I am definitely coping at this point, rather than staying in bed for days on end crying and wishing I could just die already. Here's what I did.
1) Told my spouse what I was dealing with, how I felt, and that I needed extra support and understanding right now. Also that I wasn't going to "just get better" overnight (though he knew that, but someone else with less experience with this might not)
2) Told my family (my parents live in another country) - not because they could actually do much about it, but talking about it helped, and also meant I didn't have to keep up a front of everything being fine when it wasn't
3) Asked my current health care provider for a referral to a therapist covered by OHIP (meaning, of course, it's free). The therapist offered meds, but didn't push them when I said I didn't want to do that right now. It's still an option if I don't see adequate improvement, but definitely for me the talk therapy alone is helping so much
4) Started taking vitamin D and omega-3 supplements
5) Cut back to the bare minimum of what I needed to accomplish each day and made sure all I was responsible for was getting that done
Sounds like you could try the same path. Tell your boyfriend, tell your family, get a referral. This is the second time I've asked for a referral to a therapist that takes OHIP. The first time, a few years ago, she had me get a workbook and discussed using Cognitive Behavior Therapy with me. This time, I just talk to her (different person). Both times, the focus has been on practical ways of dealing with how I feel - it's not therapy in the "plumbing the depths of my psyche/childhood" sense. Simply having someone to talk to who is giving me goals to look toward - I mean, I have to say she isn't telling me anything I don't already know, but basically now I can say "I'm doing something about this" and don't underestimate how much that can help you mentally. It changes your perspective from "I am forever stuck in the pit of feeling this way; I see no way out" to "I am trying to find a way out". Also if you are getting really bad, you have someone available fast to fall back on, who already knows you are struggling and will do what you need to help.
Taking the supplements made a big difference. I can't stress how big a difference. I live in the same general area as you and around here it's very easy to be deficient in vitamin D. As well, I'd recently read this article about omega-3s helping with depression. I figured it couldn't hurt to try, and it was amazing how much the seriously dark part of my mood lifted within a few days. It is no magic fix - but I was able to get out of bed again. I take 1000 IU of D and two capsules of flax oil every day.
Finally what I am working on is small things - recognizing that I am so overwhelmed by how I feel right now that I have to give myself space to get better. The therapist told me to only focus on the few things I have to get done, and slowly add in little by little the things I want to get done, and to expect it will take a while. I started with making a plan of what I was going to make for dinner every day for a week - simple meals. I added in one thing I was going to clean that day. Easy, low-expectation goals. It helps because it takes the pressure off - I only have to do this one thing, and if I do it, great! Some days I keep going! Other days I leave it go if I need to.
Please take the steps of letting your SO and your family know how you feel right now and go to your GP or what have you and get a referral so you can talk to someone. I really resisted taking that step because I was so afraid I'd just get put on meds - but no one is shoving meds at me; really, it's okay. It's scary. I understand. Feel free to MeMail if I can answer any other questions or if you just need to talk. I know how hard it is to feel so isolated.
posted by flex at 3:28 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
1) Told my spouse what I was dealing with, how I felt, and that I needed extra support and understanding right now. Also that I wasn't going to "just get better" overnight (though he knew that, but someone else with less experience with this might not)
2) Told my family (my parents live in another country) - not because they could actually do much about it, but talking about it helped, and also meant I didn't have to keep up a front of everything being fine when it wasn't
3) Asked my current health care provider for a referral to a therapist covered by OHIP (meaning, of course, it's free). The therapist offered meds, but didn't push them when I said I didn't want to do that right now. It's still an option if I don't see adequate improvement, but definitely for me the talk therapy alone is helping so much
4) Started taking vitamin D and omega-3 supplements
5) Cut back to the bare minimum of what I needed to accomplish each day and made sure all I was responsible for was getting that done
Sounds like you could try the same path. Tell your boyfriend, tell your family, get a referral. This is the second time I've asked for a referral to a therapist that takes OHIP. The first time, a few years ago, she had me get a workbook and discussed using Cognitive Behavior Therapy with me. This time, I just talk to her (different person). Both times, the focus has been on practical ways of dealing with how I feel - it's not therapy in the "plumbing the depths of my psyche/childhood" sense. Simply having someone to talk to who is giving me goals to look toward - I mean, I have to say she isn't telling me anything I don't already know, but basically now I can say "I'm doing something about this" and don't underestimate how much that can help you mentally. It changes your perspective from "I am forever stuck in the pit of feeling this way; I see no way out" to "I am trying to find a way out". Also if you are getting really bad, you have someone available fast to fall back on, who already knows you are struggling and will do what you need to help.
Taking the supplements made a big difference. I can't stress how big a difference. I live in the same general area as you and around here it's very easy to be deficient in vitamin D. As well, I'd recently read this article about omega-3s helping with depression. I figured it couldn't hurt to try, and it was amazing how much the seriously dark part of my mood lifted within a few days. It is no magic fix - but I was able to get out of bed again. I take 1000 IU of D and two capsules of flax oil every day.
Finally what I am working on is small things - recognizing that I am so overwhelmed by how I feel right now that I have to give myself space to get better. The therapist told me to only focus on the few things I have to get done, and slowly add in little by little the things I want to get done, and to expect it will take a while. I started with making a plan of what I was going to make for dinner every day for a week - simple meals. I added in one thing I was going to clean that day. Easy, low-expectation goals. It helps because it takes the pressure off - I only have to do this one thing, and if I do it, great! Some days I keep going! Other days I leave it go if I need to.
Please take the steps of letting your SO and your family know how you feel right now and go to your GP or what have you and get a referral so you can talk to someone. I really resisted taking that step because I was so afraid I'd just get put on meds - but no one is shoving meds at me; really, it's okay. It's scary. I understand. Feel free to MeMail if I can answer any other questions or if you just need to talk. I know how hard it is to feel so isolated.
posted by flex at 3:28 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've been there, several times in fact.
1st, look at your life in a long-term perspective. Everything you experience will pass and someday you *will* laugh about how you felt today. (been there)
2nd, have you been feeling this way long or since the winter, because you could be suffering from seasonal affective disorter. In which case, force yourself to take a walk for at least 30 min. a day when the sun is shining. In a week, you'll start feeling better. (been there too)
3rd, you can't say what a doctor will suggest for you to take, without actually speaking to one. And even if s/he does suggest it, it's a *suggestion* and you should make clear that this isn't your preferred option, in which case s/he may know an alternative. (been there 3x)
4th, exercise, people, good food, sleep, a fulfilling job. Try to view your life as a puzzle made up of different components that you can figure out and improve. Exercise… look for one to start (I joined a whole bunch of clubs and took free intro lessons until I found one that I love and practice 9 hours a week). People… you may meet people at an exercise-venue (very likely) and you may meet people via meetup.com, okcupid.com (there's non-singles there too), and plenty of other sites (perhaps this one). Good food… cooking is a very therapeutic hobby and a few weeks of cooking makes you feel better physically too (plenty of cooking sites, I love BBC cooking the most). Sleep… 1st thing you have to do is to get a few nights of good sleep in you. Your outlook on life will change if you do that. But if your head is full, just tell yourself that you are taking a break from all that, all the problems in your world will have to wait until you get a few nights of 9 hours. In other words, TAKE A HOLIDAY! A fulfilling job… often this can be a cause of much "existential worrying." If you're unhappy with it, start looking for a new one. If you need skills, start looking for a night-job and courses to take during the day. CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER. (been there for all of them).
My story is that I've been depressed for most of my adult life. I went to a psychiatrist and he told me that he couldn't help me because my problems had to do with how I lived my life. So I had to fix a lot in my life and I did. It took me 10 years to figure it out, but I look back at some pretty dark days in my past and can definitely laugh about it because much of it was due to my own outlook. The truth is that everyone has problems and the purpose of living is to figure it out and become better people through it. If I hadn't gone through solving it, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
posted by vincentv at 3:31 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
1st, look at your life in a long-term perspective. Everything you experience will pass and someday you *will* laugh about how you felt today. (been there)
2nd, have you been feeling this way long or since the winter, because you could be suffering from seasonal affective disorter. In which case, force yourself to take a walk for at least 30 min. a day when the sun is shining. In a week, you'll start feeling better. (been there too)
3rd, you can't say what a doctor will suggest for you to take, without actually speaking to one. And even if s/he does suggest it, it's a *suggestion* and you should make clear that this isn't your preferred option, in which case s/he may know an alternative. (been there 3x)
4th, exercise, people, good food, sleep, a fulfilling job. Try to view your life as a puzzle made up of different components that you can figure out and improve. Exercise… look for one to start (I joined a whole bunch of clubs and took free intro lessons until I found one that I love and practice 9 hours a week). People… you may meet people at an exercise-venue (very likely) and you may meet people via meetup.com, okcupid.com (there's non-singles there too), and plenty of other sites (perhaps this one). Good food… cooking is a very therapeutic hobby and a few weeks of cooking makes you feel better physically too (plenty of cooking sites, I love BBC cooking the most). Sleep… 1st thing you have to do is to get a few nights of good sleep in you. Your outlook on life will change if you do that. But if your head is full, just tell yourself that you are taking a break from all that, all the problems in your world will have to wait until you get a few nights of 9 hours. In other words, TAKE A HOLIDAY! A fulfilling job… often this can be a cause of much "existential worrying." If you're unhappy with it, start looking for a new one. If you need skills, start looking for a night-job and courses to take during the day. CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER. (been there for all of them).
My story is that I've been depressed for most of my adult life. I went to a psychiatrist and he told me that he couldn't help me because my problems had to do with how I lived my life. So I had to fix a lot in my life and I did. It took me 10 years to figure it out, but I look back at some pretty dark days in my past and can definitely laugh about it because much of it was due to my own outlook. The truth is that everyone has problems and the purpose of living is to figure it out and become better people through it. If I hadn't gone through solving it, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
posted by vincentv at 3:31 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Depression is a real, debilitating illness and should be treated/respected as such. Your friends who told you to "grow up" are just ignorant.
Here is a book I've found helpful: Get It Done When You're Depressed
posted by Jacqueline at 3:32 PM on February 6, 2011
Here is a book I've found helpful: Get It Done When You're Depressed
posted by Jacqueline at 3:32 PM on February 6, 2011
As is the case with all of the other respondents, I am not your mental health professional - however, here are some resources, depending on how you want to go about this.
The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health offers several assessment and treatment services.
Your own family doctor can be a great resource. There are also family doctors who specialize in psychotherapy, a starting list of whom can be found here - since they are physicians, seeing them is covered by OHIP.
Moodgym is an excellent online resource, as is e-couch.
The Gerstein Centre (mentioned above) is also a good resource.
And although your distorted thoughts are telling you otherwise, it's important to get out of bed and just do stuff. The thing about depression is that the things you don't feel like doing are exactly the things that will help. So as much as possible, make yourself eat, make yourself go out, and make yourself clean up your apartment. Also, people recover differently from depression, so I encourage you to consider what has been helpful to you before that will point the way to what will help this time. And never say never to anti-depressant meds - try to keep an open mind. Best wishes to you.
posted by analog at 3:45 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health offers several assessment and treatment services.
Your own family doctor can be a great resource. There are also family doctors who specialize in psychotherapy, a starting list of whom can be found here - since they are physicians, seeing them is covered by OHIP.
Moodgym is an excellent online resource, as is e-couch.
The Gerstein Centre (mentioned above) is also a good resource.
And although your distorted thoughts are telling you otherwise, it's important to get out of bed and just do stuff. The thing about depression is that the things you don't feel like doing are exactly the things that will help. So as much as possible, make yourself eat, make yourself go out, and make yourself clean up your apartment. Also, people recover differently from depression, so I encourage you to consider what has been helpful to you before that will point the way to what will help this time. And never say never to anti-depressant meds - try to keep an open mind. Best wishes to you.
posted by analog at 3:45 PM on February 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
One of the first things depression does is turn off your hope that professional help will make a difference. Your anxiety is heightened, so it's normal that you're worried about taking medications. I've experienced both of those things more than once in my life.
What I've found out from my own experience and that of close relatives:
-Any of the several available SSRIs could cause intolerable side effects in any person, and then they need to try a different one. You've heard of lots of cases where a drug did nothing or had adverse effects, but try not to exclude the fact that SSRIs change many lives dramatically for the better.
-A given SSRI may have very different results in different people, so you can't choose or reject based on the experiences of others.
-It's impossible for even the best psychiatrist to know how you'll respond to a given medication, so be ready to try more than one. It's absolutely normal.
-If you have significant depression, therapy won't work as well as it would if medications were helping. When you've seen at least some improvement with meds, therapy can help tremendously.
Here is what happens. When you do take an SSRI that works, you will know it. You will feel more like yourself but with less anxiety, more interest in at least some activities, less hopelessness and self-criticism. If you're unsure whether it's working, then it's not working. If you take one with bad side effects, you stop with that one and try another. If you try one that's doing nothing for you but that you don't have bad reactions to, you take a higher dose and see what happens.
Your regular MD will probably prescribe an SSRI, and then another if necessary. After that, he or she will probably suggest you see a psychiatrist... but it doesn't mean that you're "treatment resistant". It just means the doc knows he/she has limited knowledge and experience.
Please give medication and therapy a chance, even if you don't feel hopeful. Or actually, do it because you don't feel hopeful.
posted by wryly at 3:56 PM on February 6, 2011
What I've found out from my own experience and that of close relatives:
-Any of the several available SSRIs could cause intolerable side effects in any person, and then they need to try a different one. You've heard of lots of cases where a drug did nothing or had adverse effects, but try not to exclude the fact that SSRIs change many lives dramatically for the better.
-A given SSRI may have very different results in different people, so you can't choose or reject based on the experiences of others.
-It's impossible for even the best psychiatrist to know how you'll respond to a given medication, so be ready to try more than one. It's absolutely normal.
-If you have significant depression, therapy won't work as well as it would if medications were helping. When you've seen at least some improvement with meds, therapy can help tremendously.
Here is what happens. When you do take an SSRI that works, you will know it. You will feel more like yourself but with less anxiety, more interest in at least some activities, less hopelessness and self-criticism. If you're unsure whether it's working, then it's not working. If you take one with bad side effects, you stop with that one and try another. If you try one that's doing nothing for you but that you don't have bad reactions to, you take a higher dose and see what happens.
Your regular MD will probably prescribe an SSRI, and then another if necessary. After that, he or she will probably suggest you see a psychiatrist... but it doesn't mean that you're "treatment resistant". It just means the doc knows he/she has limited knowledge and experience.
Please give medication and therapy a chance, even if you don't feel hopeful. Or actually, do it because you don't feel hopeful.
posted by wryly at 3:56 PM on February 6, 2011
A lot of good advice here. I just wanted to note there's a collection of depression info on the Mefi wiki, with a useful starting page: There is help. A lot of people around here have been through this, you're not alone, and this feeling is not permanent. I second the advice to trust your boyfriend and parents enough to let them know what's going on, and to talk to a doctor.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:15 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:15 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, look - you have two tasks you should do right now. Don't worry about long range planning, whether to move back to your parents, all of that. For now do these two things:
1. Write your boyfriend and your parents an email, or call them if it's okay to call late at night. In the email say this:
"I am having a really hard time, can't eat and can't sleep, and I need some help just managing the basics this week. Please help me to get to the doctor tomorrow and figure out what to do next."
2. Go to the kitchen and find something to eat. Cereal? Bread with peanut butter? Toast with butter. A small hunk of cheese. A handful of nuts. Eat a little something and drink a glass of water. You can totally do it. It will take five or ten minutes. Doesn't matter if nothing sounds especially good. Pick something and eat it -- if you need someone else to pick, I say eat some cheese.
Then tomorrow you will do these things:
Call boyfriend and/or parents and ask for their help.
Again, eat a little something and drink a glass of water. Doesn't matter if nothing sounds good. Eat at least a few bites.
Get dressed. If you can't decide what to wear, wear jeans and a t-shirt and a sweater.
Call to make a doctor appointment/Go to the doctor.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:33 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
1. Write your boyfriend and your parents an email, or call them if it's okay to call late at night. In the email say this:
"I am having a really hard time, can't eat and can't sleep, and I need some help just managing the basics this week. Please help me to get to the doctor tomorrow and figure out what to do next."
2. Go to the kitchen and find something to eat. Cereal? Bread with peanut butter? Toast with butter. A small hunk of cheese. A handful of nuts. Eat a little something and drink a glass of water. You can totally do it. It will take five or ten minutes. Doesn't matter if nothing sounds especially good. Pick something and eat it -- if you need someone else to pick, I say eat some cheese.
Then tomorrow you will do these things:
Call boyfriend and/or parents and ask for their help.
Again, eat a little something and drink a glass of water. Doesn't matter if nothing sounds good. Eat at least a few bites.
Get dressed. If you can't decide what to wear, wear jeans and a t-shirt and a sweater.
Call to make a doctor appointment/Go to the doctor.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:33 PM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I have been there - in a new city, without support. In fact, it was in February too. My friends back home didn't understand and couldn't help and I basically got the same response from some of them as you did - suck it up. Please take care of yourself - go home (at least for a while) and let your family and boyfriend take care of you. If I hadn't seen a counselor and then a psychiatrist and gone home, I don't like to think of what would have happened to me.
For your stomach, go get a strong duel antacid such as pepcid complete. You may have a terrible case of reflux from stress and not eating. If you can't leave the house, try tums or even baking soda.
For food - just order a pizza to get some food into you. For me, it was more that I couldn't do the work involved in making something - even getting something from the fridge - than that I couldn't eat.
One of your parents might be willing to fly down there and come and get you. Let them know how much you need them. My family thought they might have to do that with me and they were perfectly willing to, even though none of them had money for a plane ticket. My grandmother paid for my flight home.
Please, call your family for their help. This will pass and you will be ok, but the thing for now is to get help in the present.
posted by kitcat at 1:08 PM on February 7, 2011
For your stomach, go get a strong duel antacid such as pepcid complete. You may have a terrible case of reflux from stress and not eating. If you can't leave the house, try tums or even baking soda.
For food - just order a pizza to get some food into you. For me, it was more that I couldn't do the work involved in making something - even getting something from the fridge - than that I couldn't eat.
One of your parents might be willing to fly down there and come and get you. Let them know how much you need them. My family thought they might have to do that with me and they were perfectly willing to, even though none of them had money for a plane ticket. My grandmother paid for my flight home.
Please, call your family for their help. This will pass and you will be ok, but the thing for now is to get help in the present.
posted by kitcat at 1:08 PM on February 7, 2011
I've been where you are, and I'm in Toronto - memail if you'd like to talk. I can help with navigating CAMH programs, meds, and getting out of bed when you just want to hide and cry all day. It really does get better!
posted by soft and hardcore taters at 3:44 PM on February 7, 2011
posted by soft and hardcore taters at 3:44 PM on February 7, 2011
The Toronto Western Community Mental Health Clinic offers a pretty good OHIP-funded program. (I presume your own provincial coverage will handle it.) They do an intake exam, and it can take a while for the appointment to come around, so no quick fix, but it's very well spoken-of by people I know.
Your GP can also provide you with a list of OHIP-funded GP psychiatrists. These can be seen sooner, but can also be a mixed bag (I got burned by one), and you might have to do some therapist-hunting – but then, you might well have to anyway.
Seeing someone, even if you're not looking for drugs, is a real and helpful part of getting through a crisis point. But seeing just-anybody won't do; you need a therapist who's a good fit for you. So don't get thrown if the first one doesn't click. And even the process of trying new people and talking about it is positive - it's forward movement, and better than kicking around.
Also, as was previously mentioned, it's goddamned February in Toronto. It's easy to get pathetic fallacy and SAD confused: Am I miserable because it's dark, or is it dark because I'm miserable? All the same - spring is coming.
posted by bicyclefish at 5:53 PM on February 9, 2011
Your GP can also provide you with a list of OHIP-funded GP psychiatrists. These can be seen sooner, but can also be a mixed bag (I got burned by one), and you might have to do some therapist-hunting – but then, you might well have to anyway.
Seeing someone, even if you're not looking for drugs, is a real and helpful part of getting through a crisis point. But seeing just-anybody won't do; you need a therapist who's a good fit for you. So don't get thrown if the first one doesn't click. And even the process of trying new people and talking about it is positive - it's forward movement, and better than kicking around.
Also, as was previously mentioned, it's goddamned February in Toronto. It's easy to get pathetic fallacy and SAD confused: Am I miserable because it's dark, or is it dark because I'm miserable? All the same - spring is coming.
posted by bicyclefish at 5:53 PM on February 9, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by meerkatty at 12:27 PM on February 6, 2011