Crime is Beauty: The John Waters Party
January 11, 2011 7:31 AM   Subscribe

I'm the filthiest person alive, and it's my birthday. Help me plan a party themed around the films of John Waters.

I love John Waters, especially the earlier and more fucked up films with the original Dreamlanders, and The Trash Trilogy. I have bad taste and frequently do my eye makeup up to my eyebrows. This is going to be the best party ever.

Here's my basic plan so far; please feel free to add any additional suggestions. 

-20-30 people will probably come over the course of night
-I live in a shoebox
-My broke ass generally budgets $60-$100 on food&booze for my parties
-Half the attendees will think this is the best idea ever, the other half will be like "Is that the dude who directed Serial Mom?"

-dog shit cookies (chocolate cookies with a turdlike swirl of chocolate ganache on top, maybe 2 sunflower seeds poked in to look like a fly)
-pink flamingo cupcakes (just pink cupcakes, basically)
-deviled eggs with a little sign saying they belong to Edie the Egg Lady
-I thought about chicken to tie in with Crackers the chicken-fucker but I really think it would be really expensive for a joke no one would get; same even more so for lobster for the giant lobster that rapes Divine in Multiple Maniacs
-I have no idea what sort of themed drinks to serve and so unless anyone has a brilliant idea it's probably going to be bourbon and PBR like normal

-I have a copy of Divine's wanted poster from Pink Flamingos I'm going to photocopy and post about
-I need a party supply store in Chicago proper that is likely to have: pink flamingos (real or paper cutouts), maybe some sort of giant lobster cutout, and rubber rats
-I have all the old school movies, they'll be silently playing while the (awesome!) soundtracks from his films play

-On the back of my flyer I wrote "DRESS CODE: pencil mustaches, crossdressing, 1950s greasers/drapes, 1950s squares, drag queen makeup, bouffants & beehives, filth, trash, fake tits, 1960s hair-hoppers, perversion, sickness, and deviance."
-I was going to attack people with an eyebrow pencil to draw on mustaches until I got drunk enough that it'd be easy to fight me off
-I am going to have the biggest rattiest Divine hair EVER and more glittery eyeshadow than a thousand drag queens

-Grilled Cheese Party / Sock Puppet Party
-Cupcake Candyland
-Blanket Fort Party

-I'll probably end up giving you a flyer at Eamon's pizza meet up but feel free to MefiMail me
posted by Juliet Banana to Food & Drink (18 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
You need something amazingly lurid encased in jello.

Jello in general will be a good idea.
posted by The Whelk at 7:36 AM on January 11, 2011 [3 favorites]

Turkey basters filled with jello shots..or vanilla pudding shots would be pretty rad.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:45 AM on January 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

For the dog shit cookies, I would actually go with Little Debbie brownies, taken out of the package and hand formed into turds. This creates an ALARMINGLY realistic turd.

And for $1.79 you should buy a boxo of 'Chicken in a Bisket' crackers and you get the chicken and the crackers and they are both yummy and disgusting.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:49 AM on January 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

-I have no idea what sort of themed drinks to serve and so unless anyone has a brilliant idea it's probably going to be bourbon and PBR like normal

You need to serve Natty Boh! It's Baltimore's classic cheap beer. And according to this article, John's drink of choice is Stoli martinis.

Also be sure to have lots of candy on hand. John Waters is a big candy eater, and told me many years ago that Jujyfruits are among his favorites.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:57 AM on January 11, 2011

I have no idea what sort of themed drinks to serve ...

"Real and alarming" Baltimore bars are one of Waters' muses, so nothing fancy - replace the PBR with National Bohemian if you can, and keep it cheap on the bourbon. Rail gin, vodka, and some mixers would be good, too.

A friend of mine lived in Baltimore in the early 80s, and had parties that Waters, Edith Massey, David Lochary, and other folks from that circle often showed up at - on more than one occasion, he relates, he found the bathroom towel rack pulled off the wall the next morning.

So some "supplies" for the bathroom might also be a good idea, in case any guests really get into the spirit of it.

posted by ryanshepard at 8:04 AM on January 11, 2011

- Natty Boh for sure, if you can get it.

- I bought my pink flamingos at K-Mart.

- Big-ass cans of hairspray, for decor and to help guests get hair-hopping.
posted by JoanArkham at 8:06 AM on January 11, 2011

Oh! And candy lipstick as a nod to "Eat Your Makeup".
posted by JoanArkham at 8:07 AM on January 11, 2011

There is no way you're going to be able to find Natty Boh in Chicago.

Happily, it tastes just like PBR, so you could just make labels with Mr. Boh on them.
posted by gaspode at 8:09 AM on January 11, 2011

Some kind of game that involves stuffing yourself with hardboiled eggs or stomping on eachothers feet or both at the same time!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:17 AM on January 11, 2011

Maybe serve the food off an ironing board, complete with iron and a shirt underneath as a tablecloth?

A small christmas tree in the corner with a dummy or doll lying under it and a shoebox with the wrong shoes in it would be amusing.

I'd also be in favor of having a Virgin Mary ventriloquist doll someplace, but maybe that's too recent in the Waters canon for your general theme.
posted by hippybear at 9:10 AM on January 11, 2011

Pikesville Rye is what you want for hard liquor.
posted by electroboy at 9:35 AM on January 11, 2011

Music! The soundtracks of early John Waters films make great party music. The songs in Pink Flamingos are pretty much a roadmap of trashy post-Elvis, pre-Beatles rock'n'roll.
posted by zombiedance at 9:50 AM on January 11, 2011

I'd go with The Cramps for trashy psychobilly music. Not exactly authentic, but it fits.
posted by electroboy at 10:06 AM on January 11, 2011

Ambrosia salad.
posted by The Whelk at 11:49 AM on January 11, 2011

You should do something edible based on the horribly fucked-up transplanted penis in "Desperate Living". It's been decades since I saw that movie and the image of that thing haunts me still.

And naturally, everyone should wear cha-cha heels.
posted by Decani at 4:24 PM on January 11, 2011

The turkey baster with vanilla pudding I suggested? Scratch that. Go to your local Asian grocer and get some basil seed drink. Have a bowl filled with the drink and have your guests serve themselves with turkey basters. If that's not dirty, I don't know what is.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:34 PM on January 11, 2011

Tab, if you can find it locally. Mix it with some nasty vodka and you have a Tab Hunter.
posted by benzenedream at 9:37 AM on January 12, 2011

What a great idea for a party!

For music, I agree with everyone on sticking with the rockabilly/psychobilly theme and would totally recommend all the volumes of Born Bad compilations. These are all the songs that The Cramps have covered and I think some might even be in Waters' films. Plus, the great thing is that there's a bajillion and one songs so you can just set it and forget it and never hear the same song for hours.

Also, along the food route, maybe you cook take a peek into White Trash Cooking and see if there's anything to tickle your fancy. Most of the recipes are both disgustingly good and super cheap, especially Peggy's Pig Eggs, or Reba's Ice Box Cake (which is just a huge layered jello mold cake with graham crackers and stuff).

Good luck!
posted by _superconductor at 6:53 AM on January 13, 2011

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