No, it's not a shotgun wedding...
October 7, 2010 11:02 AM Subscribe
QuickyWeddingFilter: Our big day has to happen in a big hurry. What can we do to make it special when we don't have much time or money?
For important family reasons, my boyfriend and I need to get hitched fast... within the next two-three months. We love each other and are excited about getting married, but neither of us had imagined it happening in such a last-minute, haphazard way. There will be no formal ceremony and probably no honeymoon. My boyfriend promised me that we'll make up for it later, but my heart says this is still our wedding day and I want to do what we can to make it special.
If you've done the quicky wedding thing, or known someone who did, what were some small, inexpensive things that made it special and memorable? Is there anything you wish you could have done differently, or do you have any regrets?
A slight wrinkle that is giving me more stress than it should: We thought we'd just head over to City Hall or a courthouse, but it appears that there is no such thing in British Columbia. You book a marriage commissioner and it's up to you to figure out where it happens. So having no money to book any sort of traditional wedding venue, where do we go? I would have loved to do it on the beach or in a park, but this is Vancouver and the late fall weather is likely to be dreary rain. What would be a nice-ish location in the Lower Mainland that won't be expensive to use?
Another wrinkle is that my boyfriend's family and friends are all overseas. My boyfriend has no intention of inviting anyone from "his side" because there is nothing to invite them to and we have hardly any room for guests in our tiny apartment. So far I've only told my mother, my sister, and my best friend about the upcoming wedding, and there's no question that they will be there, but I really want my other close friends there too. But I worry that having my family and friends there will remind my boyfriend that his aren't. He has already sacrificed so much to be here with me. I'd really appreciate some perspective on this.
For important family reasons, my boyfriend and I need to get hitched fast... within the next two-three months. We love each other and are excited about getting married, but neither of us had imagined it happening in such a last-minute, haphazard way. There will be no formal ceremony and probably no honeymoon. My boyfriend promised me that we'll make up for it later, but my heart says this is still our wedding day and I want to do what we can to make it special.
If you've done the quicky wedding thing, or known someone who did, what were some small, inexpensive things that made it special and memorable? Is there anything you wish you could have done differently, or do you have any regrets?
A slight wrinkle that is giving me more stress than it should: We thought we'd just head over to City Hall or a courthouse, but it appears that there is no such thing in British Columbia. You book a marriage commissioner and it's up to you to figure out where it happens. So having no money to book any sort of traditional wedding venue, where do we go? I would have loved to do it on the beach or in a park, but this is Vancouver and the late fall weather is likely to be dreary rain. What would be a nice-ish location in the Lower Mainland that won't be expensive to use?
Another wrinkle is that my boyfriend's family and friends are all overseas. My boyfriend has no intention of inviting anyone from "his side" because there is nothing to invite them to and we have hardly any room for guests in our tiny apartment. So far I've only told my mother, my sister, and my best friend about the upcoming wedding, and there's no question that they will be there, but I really want my other close friends there too. But I worry that having my family and friends there will remind my boyfriend that his aren't. He has already sacrificed so much to be here with me. I'd really appreciate some perspective on this.
I'm guessing it'll be something like service at place as yet undetermined then reception (or celebratory dinner) at a restaurant or something. A thing we've always done, and managed to pull off quite effectively, is nice cars between the two. Ask around amongst everyone you know, and sooner or later you come up with a car enthusiast, who knows another, who knows another, etc. They're usually happy to drive their cars in a wedding procession (sometimes a case of fine beer/wine or a free meal comes into it). If the cars all match, that's great, if not, bedeck them with matching ribbons and streamers.
posted by Ahab at 11:12 AM on October 7, 2010
posted by Ahab at 11:12 AM on October 7, 2010
My wife and I got married on very short notice in B.C. We had just over two weeks to plan and execute it (the timetable was, basically, set by Citizenship & Immigration Canada). A friend had a large yurt on her property, so we had the ceremony and a potluck "reception" there with about 40 guests (invited via a mass e-mail to everyone we knew). A friend baked a wedding cake, another brought home-brew wine. We chose a nearby marriage commissioner and had more or less the standard government approved wedding ceremony. It really all turned out great, but we're not people who are very hung up about ceremony or had specific images about what a wedding is supposed to be like in our head. My wife's family is all on the other side of the continent, so only her mother and sister could make it at short notice. Anyway, thought this anecdote might give you some ideas for an approach. One of the guests told me it was the "least excruciating" wedding he'd ever been to, which we took as a sign of great success!
One thing I wish we'd done differently: met with a few marriage commissioners to find a better fit (we just went with the first that was available on short notice).
posted by Emanuel at 11:25 AM on October 7, 2010
One thing I wish we'd done differently: met with a few marriage commissioners to find a better fit (we just went with the first that was available on short notice).
posted by Emanuel at 11:25 AM on October 7, 2010
For inspiration on quirky weddings, you might enjoy Offbeat Bride.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:25 AM on October 7, 2010
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:25 AM on October 7, 2010
What do you love? You could be married in a bookstore, a campus chapel, the home of a good friend, or a nice restaurant. Maybe someplace with a nice view? If several visitors stay at a nice B&B, you could likely have a wedding and brunch there at little extra cost except the meal.
Flowers and a decorated cake make it feel like a wedding. If it's in the evening, candles make it dreamy and romantic. Sparkling wine or cider is celebratory.
The most important part of any wedding is that you make a genuine commitment to one another, expressing your love, with family and friends as witness, support and participants in the start of your marriage. So head to the wedding blogs for ideas on vows and readings. Mazel tov.
posted by theora55 at 11:27 AM on October 7, 2010
Flowers and a decorated cake make it feel like a wedding. If it's in the evening, candles make it dreamy and romantic. Sparkling wine or cider is celebratory.
The most important part of any wedding is that you make a genuine commitment to one another, expressing your love, with family and friends as witness, support and participants in the start of your marriage. So head to the wedding blogs for ideas on vows and readings. Mazel tov.
posted by theora55 at 11:27 AM on October 7, 2010
Can't help much with the wedding -- but coming from someone who, like your boyfriend, has been overwhelmed with my significant others friends and family when I had nobody "representing" my side (not a wedding mind you -- but holidays or birthdays or other special occasions), I was always quite happy to have this happen in times where our love was being celebrated. It made me feel even more included to have those people there to celebrate US as a couple -- and part of being a couple is that what was once yours is now ours, and since he seems like, from your brief mention, a pretty good guy, I bet he'll feel that way too. If you're worried, bring it up, but I bet he'd tell you he was feeling the same way I've mentioned, even if he didn't say it that way.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:04 PM on October 7, 2010
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:04 PM on October 7, 2010
Congratulations! I'd *invite* his family, even if they can't attend, unless it's culturally expected that they'll all pile into your apartment and take your bed.
You didn't say where your fiance is from, but a restaurant of that ethnicity might be a great place.
Also, if you can time it correctly, have it held at a time when his family could be watching the video on ustream or something? It's a nice cheap way to make them feel included, and your boyfriend will probably appreciate you thinking of thiem.
posted by cyndigo at 12:55 PM on October 7, 2010
You didn't say where your fiance is from, but a restaurant of that ethnicity might be a great place.
Also, if you can time it correctly, have it held at a time when his family could be watching the video on ustream or something? It's a nice cheap way to make them feel included, and your boyfriend will probably appreciate you thinking of thiem.
posted by cyndigo at 12:55 PM on October 7, 2010
When you're talking about who to invite, you mention your family, your best friend, your other close friends... his family is all overseas... does he also have friends, or are you pretty much the only person he knows in Canada? Has he particularly hit it off with any of your local friends? If all your best-loved friends are out-of-towners he hasn't met, I'd go out of my way to invite a couple of people he knows and likes, local friends, even if they're not your best friends ever.
And if you wanted, a marriage commisioner will come to your house, which is the ultimate cheap venue. Location ideas above are great; also, the upstairs/back room of a local pub is a great option, especially on a weekend afternoon.
posted by aimedwander at 1:48 PM on October 7, 2010
And if you wanted, a marriage commisioner will come to your house, which is the ultimate cheap venue. Location ideas above are great; also, the upstairs/back room of a local pub is a great option, especially on a weekend afternoon.
posted by aimedwander at 1:48 PM on October 7, 2010
Congratulations! This can definitely be done on a budget. I just went to a lovely, small wedding in NYC that took place in a cozy bar with an enclosed (and covered) patio. It was a potluck (which makes things exciting - ask friends to sign up for appetizers or desserts - you don't even need a sit-down situation and it can still be fun and yummy and weddingish) and everyone bought their own drinks. Libraries often have small auditoriums for rent for cheap, and never underestimate (as someone notes above) renting a space at a park (I rented a pretty log cabin kind of deal for a birthday party for $50). The tough part about parks and other areas is that then you might not be able to include alcohol or glass bottles or cups or even china, and a bar or pub probably already has that stuff. You can find really neat DIY decorating ideas here and resale shops are neat places to find cool stuff for cheap! Good luck!
posted by cachondeo45 at 1:59 PM on October 7, 2010
posted by cachondeo45 at 1:59 PM on October 7, 2010
My husband and I planned a wedding in 4ish months. We just had, essentially, a glorified BBQ in my mom's backyard. I'd actually really recommend that, or something like it. If you can find a house where you can even invite over a dozen people, have a little ceremony (ours was about 15 minutes long. A friend wrote a speech, another read a poem, we said vows we'd written, we kissed, and that was it), and eat some cake and play boardgames together or some such, I suspect you'll be much happier, especially since it sounds like you really want something wedding-ish. If you google things like "intimate at-home wedding" you might be able to find some pictures for inspiration. This one is nice.
If you go with the above, I'd recommend at least inviting his parents. If they can't make it, it's fine, but they'll likely at least appreciate the gesture of the invite.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:59 PM on October 7, 2010
If you go with the above, I'd recommend at least inviting his parents. If they can't make it, it's fine, but they'll likely at least appreciate the gesture of the invite.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:59 PM on October 7, 2010
I first offer some food for thought -- One of the most moving weddings I went to was a Quaker wedding. There was absolutely ZERO frill -- the bride was in a dress made by a costume-designer friend, the service was held in the back room of a library somewhere, and there was a single vase of flowers on a table and that was it. The thing is, though -- the way a Quaker service works is that everyone sits silently in thought and reflection unless they're absolutely moved to speak. In a Quaker wedding, it's just like a Quaker service, and then halfway through the service the bride and groom stood and recited their vows to each other. Then they sat back down again.
The thing is, with only the bride and groom and what they said to focus on -- rather than all the ceremony and decor of other weddings -- the vows hit everyone really hard, and so in the second half of the service, when we were supposed to be sitting silently "unless you are seriously moved to speak," everyone was finding they were really moved to speak, and so the second half of the service was just this outpouring of emotional speeches from everyone in the room.
So a simple service can really be moving. How to get a flavor of this -- maybe you and your intended can write your own vows. Totally free, and making it a "personal statement" can really be moving for both you and your intended and everyone else in the room.
I've also liked the idea of a sort of "stone soup" wedding -- to the point that if I ever have a wedding I'd like to enlist friends who can do different things to all take part. I know some states in the US will temporarily deputize a certain person with Justice-of-the-Peace powers just so they can perform a wedding, and so I've got a dear friend I'd like to appoint for that purpose. Another friend of mine is a fabulous photographer, and my parents are good friends with a couple florists...a cousin is a musician...and that's the kind of thing I want to do, is ask all of these people I know if they want a chance to share in the event in this way. This may be something your friends can all do as wel, which will make it special for everyone involved (not just for them, because -- if they want to -- they can do something fun too, but also for you because "aw, you helped us make a special day!").
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:45 PM on October 7, 2010 [3 favorites]
The thing is, with only the bride and groom and what they said to focus on -- rather than all the ceremony and decor of other weddings -- the vows hit everyone really hard, and so in the second half of the service, when we were supposed to be sitting silently "unless you are seriously moved to speak," everyone was finding they were really moved to speak, and so the second half of the service was just this outpouring of emotional speeches from everyone in the room.
So a simple service can really be moving. How to get a flavor of this -- maybe you and your intended can write your own vows. Totally free, and making it a "personal statement" can really be moving for both you and your intended and everyone else in the room.
I've also liked the idea of a sort of "stone soup" wedding -- to the point that if I ever have a wedding I'd like to enlist friends who can do different things to all take part. I know some states in the US will temporarily deputize a certain person with Justice-of-the-Peace powers just so they can perform a wedding, and so I've got a dear friend I'd like to appoint for that purpose. Another friend of mine is a fabulous photographer, and my parents are good friends with a couple florists...a cousin is a musician...and that's the kind of thing I want to do, is ask all of these people I know if they want a chance to share in the event in this way. This may be something your friends can all do as wel, which will make it special for everyone involved (not just for them, because -- if they want to -- they can do something fun too, but also for you because "aw, you helped us make a special day!").
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:45 PM on October 7, 2010 [3 favorites]
Pay for a real photographer. No matter what! This is your wedding day and you deserve nice pictures.
I also agree that flowers and a cake go a long way to making feel like a 'real' wedding. You could also do all the traditional things like a garter and matching champagne flutes, but those things can get pricey. The most important thing is the pictures.
posted by TooFewShoes at 5:02 PM on October 7, 2010
I also agree that flowers and a cake go a long way to making feel like a 'real' wedding. You could also do all the traditional things like a garter and matching champagne flutes, but those things can get pricey. The most important thing is the pictures.
posted by TooFewShoes at 5:02 PM on October 7, 2010
Friends of ours who got married quickly and cheaply last year enlisted friends to do everything. They managed to frame it so that it didn't seem like an imposition. So for example, eight of us were in charge of the "cake" (which ended up being cakes: we baked eight different cakes, one each, and arranged them like a flower). One guy who hunts was in charge of getting hold of a pig for roasting. Someone else was in charge of putting up balloons in the reception hall. Another person was in charge of choosing the drinks (money provided to a certain limit by bride and groom).
The way they made this work was to not be at all picky about what ended up being done, and just trusting their friends to make good choices. And everyone got really into it and tried hard to make their part of the celebration as awesome and memorable as it could be. An extra benefit was that much of the celebration ended up being a surprise to the bride and groom.
Another friend who got married a couple of years ago on a very tight budget cut costs on most of the big expenses (no flowers, simple food, outdoor ceremony), but instead made sure a few very luxurious touches were included. For example each guest was given a little box with three handmade very expensive chocolates. There was a bottle of good single malt whiskey that the groom took around the tables after dinner and offered to people. There was a professional photographer. Her dress was stunning. I think picking and choosing where to spend the money like this has more of an overall effect than spreading it evenly among the myriad usual expenses.
posted by lollusc at 7:13 PM on October 7, 2010
The way they made this work was to not be at all picky about what ended up being done, and just trusting their friends to make good choices. And everyone got really into it and tried hard to make their part of the celebration as awesome and memorable as it could be. An extra benefit was that much of the celebration ended up being a surprise to the bride and groom.
Another friend who got married a couple of years ago on a very tight budget cut costs on most of the big expenses (no flowers, simple food, outdoor ceremony), but instead made sure a few very luxurious touches were included. For example each guest was given a little box with three handmade very expensive chocolates. There was a bottle of good single malt whiskey that the groom took around the tables after dinner and offered to people. There was a professional photographer. Her dress was stunning. I think picking and choosing where to spend the money like this has more of an overall effect than spreading it evenly among the myriad usual expenses.
posted by lollusc at 7:13 PM on October 7, 2010
We had to plan a wedding in two weeks due to my husband's impending deployment. Granted, I worked at a church with a hall, so we were able to plan a very traditional wedding in a very short amount of time, but some of the things that we did to make it personal that you could do are:
-incorporate music special to the two of you (we used recorded tracks of songs that had meaning to our relationship as opposed to traditional wedding fare)
-include others in the ceremony who are important to you through readings, singing, vows, etc...
-along that vein, use readings that are significant to you as a couple and not necessarily what is always done at weddings
Going on what lollusc said, we did enlist a ton of help from our family and friends, which I think made our wedding even more special since everyone felt like they played an important role in making it happen (which they did). Everything from the minister (grandpa), to the dj (best friend's musically inclined hubby), to the videographer (talented friend). Did we have the top of the line talent? No. But we did have a memorable event which still comes up in coversation with family and friends six years later.
I can say looking back on the day, that it was one of the happiest days of my life (closely followed by the birth of our daughter and my husband's return from Iraq seven months after we were married). The reason it was the best day was because it was about the commitment we were making to one another and the celebration of this with those we loved most. Focus on that.
posted by hazel bites at 7:41 PM on October 7, 2010
-incorporate music special to the two of you (we used recorded tracks of songs that had meaning to our relationship as opposed to traditional wedding fare)
-include others in the ceremony who are important to you through readings, singing, vows, etc...
-along that vein, use readings that are significant to you as a couple and not necessarily what is always done at weddings
Going on what lollusc said, we did enlist a ton of help from our family and friends, which I think made our wedding even more special since everyone felt like they played an important role in making it happen (which they did). Everything from the minister (grandpa), to the dj (best friend's musically inclined hubby), to the videographer (talented friend). Did we have the top of the line talent? No. But we did have a memorable event which still comes up in coversation with family and friends six years later.
I can say looking back on the day, that it was one of the happiest days of my life (closely followed by the birth of our daughter and my husband's return from Iraq seven months after we were married). The reason it was the best day was because it was about the commitment we were making to one another and the celebration of this with those we loved most. Focus on that.
posted by hazel bites at 7:41 PM on October 7, 2010
ThePinkSuperhero linked my site Offbeat Bride up-thread -- but I wanted to offer up a couple tag archives that are relevant to your specific situation:
http://offbeatbride.com/tag/short-engagement
http://offbeatbride.com/tag/british-columbia-wedding
posted by arielmeadow at 8:20 PM on October 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
http://offbeatbride.com/tag/short-engagement
http://offbeatbride.com/tag/british-columbia-wedding
posted by arielmeadow at 8:20 PM on October 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
We did ours in about three months, and while we meant to pull it off cheaply, we went a little over budget - but not too bad. Two things that might work for you: Look for a vacation rental house with a pretty yard or a great library room, or something., and have the wedding and reception there. You can also have the wedding party stay there, which can help with costs, and if you're there early, cuts down on the chaos considerably. Having a house that we rented meant that self-catering was a non-issue, and we could bring our own alcohol - both things were much, much lower than any catering options.
We also cut corners on the cake by ordering four rounds of different sizes, and having a friend do the stacking. I told the bakery what I was doing, because I didn't like the idea of not telling her it was for a wedding, and she was super great about it - she decorated the top edges, and then we wrapped colored ribbon around each round, and around the posts used for stacking. Looked lovely, and rather than $800, was $150 (I also ordered a quarter sheet, just in case).
As far as absent family - none of our grandparents could make it, so we videotaped the ceremony, and will send it to them with a note. We thought about streaming it, but that seemed potentially complicated.
And yes - lots and lots of help from friends! Favors, flowers for the tables, anything they can do.
And congratulations!
posted by korej at 9:18 AM on October 8, 2010
We also cut corners on the cake by ordering four rounds of different sizes, and having a friend do the stacking. I told the bakery what I was doing, because I didn't like the idea of not telling her it was for a wedding, and she was super great about it - she decorated the top edges, and then we wrapped colored ribbon around each round, and around the posts used for stacking. Looked lovely, and rather than $800, was $150 (I also ordered a quarter sheet, just in case).
As far as absent family - none of our grandparents could make it, so we videotaped the ceremony, and will send it to them with a note. We thought about streaming it, but that seemed potentially complicated.
And yes - lots and lots of help from friends! Favors, flowers for the tables, anything they can do.
And congratulations!
posted by korej at 9:18 AM on October 8, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
They also have an event planning department - I'll bet they'd be delighted to talk to you about renting a picnic shelter or some such.
Another option: a number of ethnic restaurants around me have adjacent banquet halls. For the price of a large meal, you get the venue, too. And kebabs!
posted by julthumbscrew at 11:12 AM on October 7, 2010