Help convince spouse to take risk
September 29, 2010 12:17 PM Subscribe
How can I help convince my spouse to support me in an entrepreneurial endeavor? She is risk-adverse and I'm sick of white collar jobs.
So I recently left a job in corporate America (IT) after 7 successful years. I started as a tech and worked up to director level. I enjoyed it but now as I look for work the prospects of many jobs I'm qualified for it just depresses me.
My real passion is more creative and culinary. I'm aware of all the risks the come with trying to open a restaurant, and I'm shooting a little short of that, thinking about a catering/food truck business. I've got a lot of good ideas, know some really smart people I can trust for advice in the industry and get giddy at the idea of it. I've cooked in a professional kitchen for 4 years through college and while seeking employment after.
I'm in the middle of reading the Pathfinder and really believe that this is my calling.
My wife and I are early 30s. Married just over a year. No kids, still renting, no debt except for student loans and we are still saving for a down payment. I also have a lump sum we are living off (along with her income) from a severance package.
So I've brought up the possibility a couple times that I may try this. She seems dead set against it, encouraging me to keep at the corporate jobs. She is risk adverse and wants us to have that comfortableness of a steady income.
She argues that the time for me to think about this is later in life, after we have house, kids, settled, etc. I argue that if there is any time to do it, it's NOW. No major debt, no kids, nothing to lose, etc. . . I'm not proposing to use the savings, just the severance sum for investment . .
I'm hoping once I finish the business plan, I can get her to buy into it, but how else can I make her feel more comfortable with all this?
So I recently left a job in corporate America (IT) after 7 successful years. I started as a tech and worked up to director level. I enjoyed it but now as I look for work the prospects of many jobs I'm qualified for it just depresses me.
My real passion is more creative and culinary. I'm aware of all the risks the come with trying to open a restaurant, and I'm shooting a little short of that, thinking about a catering/food truck business. I've got a lot of good ideas, know some really smart people I can trust for advice in the industry and get giddy at the idea of it. I've cooked in a professional kitchen for 4 years through college and while seeking employment after.
I'm in the middle of reading the Pathfinder and really believe that this is my calling.
My wife and I are early 30s. Married just over a year. No kids, still renting, no debt except for student loans and we are still saving for a down payment. I also have a lump sum we are living off (along with her income) from a severance package.
So I've brought up the possibility a couple times that I may try this. She seems dead set against it, encouraging me to keep at the corporate jobs. She is risk adverse and wants us to have that comfortableness of a steady income.
She argues that the time for me to think about this is later in life, after we have house, kids, settled, etc. I argue that if there is any time to do it, it's NOW. No major debt, no kids, nothing to lose, etc. . . I'm not proposing to use the savings, just the severance sum for investment . .
I'm hoping once I finish the business plan, I can get her to buy into it, but how else can I make her feel more comfortable with all this?
The best time probably is now, when you've got a lot less to lose. I'd interpret the "do it later in life" talk as a desperate hope you'll let this dream fall by the wayside.
That said, restaurants are pretty much the business more likely to fail than almost any other, this is a very tough time for restaurants anyhow, and the food truck business is packed with people starting out with similar ideas, goals and set-ups. I have noticed many in my city starting to fail; from my point of view, it's a bad time to be getting into this - the tend seems to have peaked in many places. Also, in many cities, "real" restaurants are starting to aggressively campaign for stricter health code measures against food trailers, to the point where many trailers won't be able to realistically meet code without spending much more money than would be feasible. So if you do this, make sure you do your homework to the extent that you can adequately respond to these concerns, because they are bound to come up.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 12:25 PM on September 29, 2010
That said, restaurants are pretty much the business more likely to fail than almost any other, this is a very tough time for restaurants anyhow, and the food truck business is packed with people starting out with similar ideas, goals and set-ups. I have noticed many in my city starting to fail; from my point of view, it's a bad time to be getting into this - the tend seems to have peaked in many places. Also, in many cities, "real" restaurants are starting to aggressively campaign for stricter health code measures against food trailers, to the point where many trailers won't be able to realistically meet code without spending much more money than would be feasible. So if you do this, make sure you do your homework to the extent that you can adequately respond to these concerns, because they are bound to come up.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 12:25 PM on September 29, 2010
I would tell her that returning to corporate hell is more risky to your long term health and well-being than starting a business is to your collective finances.
posted by milarepa at 12:28 PM on September 29, 2010
posted by milarepa at 12:28 PM on September 29, 2010
Could you do both?
Maybe freelance for the corporate thing and work on the new business as a project. Then dump the corporate work once you have the security of the steady income from the new business.
posted by chiefthe at 12:29 PM on September 29, 2010
Maybe freelance for the corporate thing and work on the new business as a project. Then dump the corporate work once you have the security of the steady income from the new business.
posted by chiefthe at 12:29 PM on September 29, 2010
Best answer: Have you put together a cash flow forecast for the business? Showing her how much money you are expecting to make based on x sales might help to address her security issues. It would be even better if you could make it a fancy-pants spreadsheet, so she can play with the numbers and satisfy herself that even with only y clients, you would still be able to cover your part of the bills.
You might also try agreeing a fixed "trial" period -- say, 6 months, where you both agree that you can pursue the business venuture. You could agree that if things aren't going as planned after six months, then you'll give it up and get a job. This might not work so well depending on how much you'll have to invest, but maybe you could have a liquidiation plan for any assets.
And finally, can you work part-time? I work four days a week and pursue my own small business on the 5th day. It's not the most quiet life, but it lets me pursue my own goals while still contributing towards our joint goals.
posted by ukdanae at 12:31 PM on September 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
You might also try agreeing a fixed "trial" period -- say, 6 months, where you both agree that you can pursue the business venuture. You could agree that if things aren't going as planned after six months, then you'll give it up and get a job. This might not work so well depending on how much you'll have to invest, but maybe you could have a liquidiation plan for any assets.
And finally, can you work part-time? I work four days a week and pursue my own small business on the 5th day. It's not the most quiet life, but it lets me pursue my own goals while still contributing towards our joint goals.
posted by ukdanae at 12:31 PM on September 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
Point the First: you will not be able to convince her with your passion. You will be able to convince her with facts and actions. You can't ride a dream to the bank... that takes ride facts, figures, solid business proposals and contingency plans, which is what you should be presenting to HER.
Point the Second: for the love of god, DO THIS NOW! Well, once you have the facts/figures/plans/etc. I mentioned. Life gets sweeter and richer as you accumulate the trappings of adulthood... houses, pets, kids and the like. But it also gets WAY MORE RESTRICTIVE, and anyone who claims it doesn't is a fucking liar.
The ramifications of all your choices become greater. Your resources are generally fewer. You are tired and covered in spackle dust and pureed sweet potatoes. Saving big, exciting, idealistic, could-flame-out plans for when you're "settled" is like waiting to file your tax return until you're juggling ten flaming clubs, because, y'know, you'll be really focused then ANYWAY... WRONG, BUCKO.
Good luck!
posted by julthumbscrew at 12:32 PM on September 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Point the Second: for the love of god, DO THIS NOW! Well, once you have the facts/figures/plans/etc. I mentioned. Life gets sweeter and richer as you accumulate the trappings of adulthood... houses, pets, kids and the like. But it also gets WAY MORE RESTRICTIVE, and anyone who claims it doesn't is a fucking liar.
The ramifications of all your choices become greater. Your resources are generally fewer. You are tired and covered in spackle dust and pureed sweet potatoes. Saving big, exciting, idealistic, could-flame-out plans for when you're "settled" is like waiting to file your tax return until you're juggling ten flaming clubs, because, y'know, you'll be really focused then ANYWAY... WRONG, BUCKO.
Good luck!
posted by julthumbscrew at 12:32 PM on September 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Figure out how to address her concerns, instead of brushing them aside or focusing on your own needs. The business plan might have some of the necessary inputs, but there are also contigencies that you might need to plan for -- insurance? emergencies? dental problems? unexpected pregnancy? -- in order for her to feel comfortable. She's not getting the giddy feeling, so at least you can give her some of the security back.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 12:34 PM on September 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 12:34 PM on September 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
This is really jumping into the deep end. Can you work for a couple years as a manager of a restaurant? You probably want to take some courses on it, too. Cooking in a kitchen is very different from running a restaurant.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:37 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by small_ruminant at 12:37 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
You can tell her that I and many of my culinary peers got OUT of the restaurant business when we had kids. If my city was free-er with permits, I would be all over the food truck deal. It's exploding here and there's room for more, but the city doesn't seem to realize it. Anyway, the time to do it is totally now, in my culinary opinion.
Make a business plan, run the numbers, take the worst-case scenarios and see what you think afterward. If you're still really excited, take the paperwork to her and go from there.
posted by cooker girl at 12:38 PM on September 29, 2010
Make a business plan, run the numbers, take the worst-case scenarios and see what you think afterward. If you're still really excited, take the paperwork to her and go from there.
posted by cooker girl at 12:38 PM on September 29, 2010
You know how you have to make a business plan to get investors? Think of your wife as a potential investor. Create a business plan, and bring it to her.
So take your wife's reluctance as an indication you need to spend some time working on a plan rather than just dreaming. And still keep looking for a regular job in the meantime.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:42 PM on September 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
So take your wife's reluctance as an indication you need to spend some time working on a plan rather than just dreaming. And still keep looking for a regular job in the meantime.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:42 PM on September 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Best answer: As a risk-averse wife myself with a husband working on starting a business, what convinced me was a deadline. We agreed on X number of years and Y number of dollars that he could invest before he had to do something else. We also agreed that he would find part-time odd jobs to help contribute to the family budget so that I didn't have to live in a constant state of financial panic. So far, so good--he's doing a little better than breaking even after six months.
posted by ammy at 12:46 PM on September 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by ammy at 12:46 PM on September 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
Best answer: First... if you want to carry people with you, don't start by writing off their concerns with a label like "risk averse". Drop those labels and really listen to what her concerns actually are, make sure you get it, make sure she gets that you get it.
Sometimes being truly heard is enough by itself to make concerns disappear.
In fact if you are truly going to listen to her, you'll have to park the notion that you're for sure right, she's for sure wrong, and this is all about you persuading her.
Now it is probably true that if you are going to do something like this, now is better than later. Because starting any business can be intensely demanding on time and energy, and the one you have in mind probably comes with very long and unsocial hours.
An aside... maybe your wife is really not "risk averse" at all. Maybe she gets the unsocial hours thing, and simply doesn't want to live a life that. Perhaps she sees it as being "home alone". Now that turns everything on its head... maybe for her you being totally absorbed in your business and having less time for her is far more acceptable if you've already got a family going.
Maybe you can figure out a business idea and a plan that excites you and that she can also buy into. Maybe you are going to be one of those many people who are willing to sacrifice their marriage for their business.
If none of this applies, and in the end it truly is about attitudes to risk, reframe the thing in a way that reduces the perceived risk. For example... "I'll do this for 2 years, and if I haven't achieved X by then, I'll go back to a corporate job, I promise." Or find people that can validate the idea for her, for example introduce her to people you know that have successfully switched from corporate life to starting a business.
posted by philipy at 12:51 PM on September 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Sometimes being truly heard is enough by itself to make concerns disappear.
In fact if you are truly going to listen to her, you'll have to park the notion that you're for sure right, she's for sure wrong, and this is all about you persuading her.
Now it is probably true that if you are going to do something like this, now is better than later. Because starting any business can be intensely demanding on time and energy, and the one you have in mind probably comes with very long and unsocial hours.
An aside... maybe your wife is really not "risk averse" at all. Maybe she gets the unsocial hours thing, and simply doesn't want to live a life that. Perhaps she sees it as being "home alone". Now that turns everything on its head... maybe for her you being totally absorbed in your business and having less time for her is far more acceptable if you've already got a family going.
Maybe you can figure out a business idea and a plan that excites you and that she can also buy into. Maybe you are going to be one of those many people who are willing to sacrifice their marriage for their business.
If none of this applies, and in the end it truly is about attitudes to risk, reframe the thing in a way that reduces the perceived risk. For example... "I'll do this for 2 years, and if I haven't achieved X by then, I'll go back to a corporate job, I promise." Or find people that can validate the idea for her, for example introduce her to people you know that have successfully switched from corporate life to starting a business.
posted by philipy at 12:51 PM on September 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Maybe you could compromise and get a part-time job so you still have a steady paycheck while you work on your business. I also agree with ammy that you should agree to a fixed amount you will invest both in cash and time - amounts that she's comfortable.
posted by missmagenta at 1:03 PM on September 29, 2010
posted by missmagenta at 1:03 PM on September 29, 2010
It might be *harder* to go entrepreneurial when you have children, but it's still *possible*, as my father did that well into house-and-child-having. Don't throw the idea out entirely.
How much are your student loans? If you cut down on all your discretionary expenses, and took a corporate job for a year while you planned -- you need a lot of planning time -- could you pay off your loans? Could you get a reasonable set of savings to live on while you started your business?
You starting your own business will have a huge impact on your wife's life -- you'll have less money, more risk, and you'll be working more, have less time to spend with her, no time to vacation at the beginning -- you need to take this into account in your planning if you want her buy-in.
posted by jeather at 1:04 PM on September 29, 2010
How much are your student loans? If you cut down on all your discretionary expenses, and took a corporate job for a year while you planned -- you need a lot of planning time -- could you pay off your loans? Could you get a reasonable set of savings to live on while you started your business?
You starting your own business will have a huge impact on your wife's life -- you'll have less money, more risk, and you'll be working more, have less time to spend with her, no time to vacation at the beginning -- you need to take this into account in your planning if you want her buy-in.
posted by jeather at 1:04 PM on September 29, 2010
Best answer: I had a friend chuck in everything she was doing to start a food truck for the summer. They finished at the end of August. It was supposed to be done in June. She was working with someone who was an active, professional chef (you'd know the name of the restaurant he worked for). They moved out of New York and into a neighboring state to make things easier at the start, and it still wasn't easy.
Do you understand that launching a food truck will consume your life 24/7 for at least six months, if not longer? That it is September now, and you live in Chicago? You will need 3 months to prep the truck, at least, which means it will be done in time for the dead of winter.
If I was your wife, I'd be sitting here thinking that you do not know know what you are doing and I too would be "no way you're doing this now" because to me, it sounds like you're not ready.
Catering? Sure. Where are you cooking? I don't know anything about Chicago DOH laws, to be sure, but I can't imagine they let anyone set up shop as a caterer out of their own kitchen. Do you know?
Also, specifically, if you're over 30, you need to read what Anthony Bourdain writes about going into the food business at that age, which he talks about in his new book. You should read that part, at least. I saw it quoted on a blog recently but I can't find it now. That said, you should at least read it in the bookstore. He talks very candidly about what it's like to work in food service once you're over 30 from a physical, day to day work perspective, which may be something you're not considering.
I say all of these things because maybe this is some of the stuff going through your wife's head. Maybe if you could address all of those things and demonstrate that you really do know your shit she would feel more confident. If I was her, I would want to hear some kind of reassurance about what this means, because you *can't* do this forever. What's your career plan? Do you have one? What will you do when there are six other food trucks like yours and no one cares or Chicago changes the laws or someone torches your truck because of the competition? What will you do if you get sick or hurt and can't take the truck out that day? Who is working with you and what kind of commitment are they offering you? What happens when you get bored with the truck?
If you've thought it all through, then show your wife.
posted by micawber at 1:05 PM on September 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
Do you understand that launching a food truck will consume your life 24/7 for at least six months, if not longer? That it is September now, and you live in Chicago? You will need 3 months to prep the truck, at least, which means it will be done in time for the dead of winter.
If I was your wife, I'd be sitting here thinking that you do not know know what you are doing and I too would be "no way you're doing this now" because to me, it sounds like you're not ready.
Catering? Sure. Where are you cooking? I don't know anything about Chicago DOH laws, to be sure, but I can't imagine they let anyone set up shop as a caterer out of their own kitchen. Do you know?
Also, specifically, if you're over 30, you need to read what Anthony Bourdain writes about going into the food business at that age, which he talks about in his new book. You should read that part, at least. I saw it quoted on a blog recently but I can't find it now. That said, you should at least read it in the bookstore. He talks very candidly about what it's like to work in food service once you're over 30 from a physical, day to day work perspective, which may be something you're not considering.
I say all of these things because maybe this is some of the stuff going through your wife's head. Maybe if you could address all of those things and demonstrate that you really do know your shit she would feel more confident. If I was her, I would want to hear some kind of reassurance about what this means, because you *can't* do this forever. What's your career plan? Do you have one? What will you do when there are six other food trucks like yours and no one cares or Chicago changes the laws or someone torches your truck because of the competition? What will you do if you get sick or hurt and can't take the truck out that day? Who is working with you and what kind of commitment are they offering you? What happens when you get bored with the truck?
If you've thought it all through, then show your wife.
posted by micawber at 1:05 PM on September 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
The last thing I would do as an entrepreneur is go into any kind of food business. I know very very VERY savvy businessmen who had other successful businesses who then opened a food business and lost their butts. But maybe you are the exception.
What I am thinking is that from your wife's perspective she married a corporate guy not an entrepreneur. Early thirties means her biological clock is beginning to tick a bit louder and she may be thinking she may have to delay any childbearing till you get this off the ground.
I get that this is your dream. I get that you may very well have the experience, knowhow and chutzpah to pull it off. But I also get that if your wife is not 100 percent on board you are risking your marriage AND your business. Because you will be asking her to sacrifice time with you, security, and (in her eyes) prestige for something she is not even sure will pay off.
I suggest a session or two with a disinterested third party who can suss out from both of you what you really want separately and together.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:15 PM on September 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
What I am thinking is that from your wife's perspective she married a corporate guy not an entrepreneur. Early thirties means her biological clock is beginning to tick a bit louder and she may be thinking she may have to delay any childbearing till you get this off the ground.
I get that this is your dream. I get that you may very well have the experience, knowhow and chutzpah to pull it off. But I also get that if your wife is not 100 percent on board you are risking your marriage AND your business. Because you will be asking her to sacrifice time with you, security, and (in her eyes) prestige for something she is not even sure will pay off.
I suggest a session or two with a disinterested third party who can suss out from both of you what you really want separately and together.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:15 PM on September 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Without a business plan *you* shouldn't be convinced this is a wonderful idea.
It might be, I don't mean to say it's not, and if it's your true passion I would say explore it - but without looking at the numbers, you can't say for sure that this is a viable business option in your market.
You should convince your wife the same way you would convince any partner - with research and facts and a plan, and taking her concerns seriously and working through them with her.
(I don't know about the climate in your area, but here is an interesting article I read about the food truck battles in DC. I was trying to find an article or interview I read recently with one of the owners of a successful truck, but of course I can't find it now.)
On preview, micawber mentions most of the rest of what was running through my head.
posted by mrs. taters at 1:16 PM on September 29, 2010
It might be, I don't mean to say it's not, and if it's your true passion I would say explore it - but without looking at the numbers, you can't say for sure that this is a viable business option in your market.
You should convince your wife the same way you would convince any partner - with research and facts and a plan, and taking her concerns seriously and working through them with her.
(I don't know about the climate in your area, but here is an interesting article I read about the food truck battles in DC. I was trying to find an article or interview I read recently with one of the owners of a successful truck, but of course I can't find it now.)
On preview, micawber mentions most of the rest of what was running through my head.
posted by mrs. taters at 1:16 PM on September 29, 2010
By climate I meant legislative and/or business climate - I obviously know that in the winter it's cold there. And windy.
posted by mrs. taters at 1:18 PM on September 29, 2010
posted by mrs. taters at 1:18 PM on September 29, 2010
Nthing the you're not going to win her over with your passion for this. I'm sure she wants you to be happy, but she's scared that this might jeopardise your happiness as a couple, and your future plans.
Sit down and have an open and honest talk about what her concerns are. All of them. Get into the detail, don't leave it at "we'll be less financially stable". What future plans will be less put at risk? Is she worried that she may end up feeling stressed as the sole breadwinner? Is she scared that if you guys want to have kids, the financial uncertainty might force that to be postponed? Is she concerned that if you start your own business, you're not going to be around as much and that might put pressure on your relationship? Or that you're not going to be able to buy a house? That she might end up doing all the chores while you're working 24/7?
Once you know what she's really worried about, you can put together a business case for her (similar to the one for the bank, but focussed on more than just "can you pay the money back").
Also, have a long hard think about what you're actually trying to achieve. Is it owning your own business (and if so, what is it about that that attracts you)? Is it working in a different field? It might be worth exploring other ways of achieving some of these goals in other ways that may be easier for her to accept. (It sounds like you may have done this already, but your post doesn't say what other options you explored, so I figure it was worth mentioning)
Good luck.
posted by finding.perdita at 1:21 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sit down and have an open and honest talk about what her concerns are. All of them. Get into the detail, don't leave it at "we'll be less financially stable". What future plans will be less put at risk? Is she worried that she may end up feeling stressed as the sole breadwinner? Is she scared that if you guys want to have kids, the financial uncertainty might force that to be postponed? Is she concerned that if you start your own business, you're not going to be around as much and that might put pressure on your relationship? Or that you're not going to be able to buy a house? That she might end up doing all the chores while you're working 24/7?
Once you know what she's really worried about, you can put together a business case for her (similar to the one for the bank, but focussed on more than just "can you pay the money back").
Also, have a long hard think about what you're actually trying to achieve. Is it owning your own business (and if so, what is it about that that attracts you)? Is it working in a different field? It might be worth exploring other ways of achieving some of these goals in other ways that may be easier for her to accept. (It sounds like you may have done this already, but your post doesn't say what other options you explored, so I figure it was worth mentioning)
Good luck.
posted by finding.perdita at 1:21 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: This may sound like I'm being negative, but I'm not. You have to look at it from her perspective.
From your question you stated that you have been married just a little over a year. You also state that you just ended 7 successful years (your words) in corporate America and you worked from the bottom up.
That means that when she said "I do", you were 6 successful years into an industry. She may have married someone whom she thought had already done the "building a career" phase of their life and was now in the "managing their career" phase. She may have waited into her 30s to get married because she was not interested in a guy starting their career, but a peer who was at the same level of their career as she.
You mentioned that you have no kids, but are/were their plan to have any? Perhaps she is thinking that if you start over, that will push the possibility of children out several years to a point where she doesn't want to be a woman in her 50s with a kid starting college (32+18=50, 37+18=55) just when she is thinking of winding down her career.
You are in a marriage now. Your goals are supposed to be her goals, but also vice-versa. Her goals must be your goals. I'm not saying dont follow your passions and dreams, but there is a big picture here.
Either way. Good luck!
posted by sandra_s at 1:32 PM on September 29, 2010 [5 favorites]
From your question you stated that you have been married just a little over a year. You also state that you just ended 7 successful years (your words) in corporate America and you worked from the bottom up.
That means that when she said "I do", you were 6 successful years into an industry. She may have married someone whom she thought had already done the "building a career" phase of their life and was now in the "managing their career" phase. She may have waited into her 30s to get married because she was not interested in a guy starting their career, but a peer who was at the same level of their career as she.
You mentioned that you have no kids, but are/were their plan to have any? Perhaps she is thinking that if you start over, that will push the possibility of children out several years to a point where she doesn't want to be a woman in her 50s with a kid starting college (32+18=50, 37+18=55) just when she is thinking of winding down her career.
You are in a marriage now. Your goals are supposed to be her goals, but also vice-versa. Her goals must be your goals. I'm not saying dont follow your passions and dreams, but there is a big picture here.
Either way. Good luck!
posted by sandra_s at 1:32 PM on September 29, 2010 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Oh man. I hear ya. I've done a few trial runs at launching my own business this past year. None of this cost me money but it was all very informative. In a week, you could probably do a lot of ground work in developing a business plan, researching local codes, calling the health department, figuring out startup and overhead costs, etc. If you haven't done all the things you can do for free with just your time and energy then you need to do that first to get a clear picture so that you can effectively pitch this to your wife. She really has to buy in. I'm lucky in that my husband was ready to buy-in on pretty much anything I wanted to do. However, he is far less risk-averse than I am.
Anyway, ideas and inspiration and drive are cheap. It's the follow-through and execution that counts. Great ideas do not make successful businesses. Successful businesses come about with money, good partners, timing, location and luck among many, many other variables. One of my projects was a partnership and one thing which pulled us up short was the prospect of losing money for five years before we might "make it." And that was just us doing figuring on paper. True, we could have been overnight sensations but the other possibility was never turning a profit.
So, do your due diligence and also see if you can bring in money while you pursue this idea. Either work in the industry you are considering or take in freelance work and work on this thing in your spare time. There are many details that need to be sorted before you blow your nest egg on this idea. Come up with a timeframe for getting all your ducks in a row and then present it to your wife as you would another investor. She will be your primary investor if she stays with you!
And, no, you really won't be able to do this later in life. Though that's not to say that you won't find something just as fulfilling that fits with a house and kids. This isn't the only road to happiness.
posted by amanda at 1:41 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Anyway, ideas and inspiration and drive are cheap. It's the follow-through and execution that counts. Great ideas do not make successful businesses. Successful businesses come about with money, good partners, timing, location and luck among many, many other variables. One of my projects was a partnership and one thing which pulled us up short was the prospect of losing money for five years before we might "make it." And that was just us doing figuring on paper. True, we could have been overnight sensations but the other possibility was never turning a profit.
So, do your due diligence and also see if you can bring in money while you pursue this idea. Either work in the industry you are considering or take in freelance work and work on this thing in your spare time. There are many details that need to be sorted before you blow your nest egg on this idea. Come up with a timeframe for getting all your ducks in a row and then present it to your wife as you would another investor. She will be your primary investor if she stays with you!
And, no, you really won't be able to do this later in life. Though that's not to say that you won't find something just as fulfilling that fits with a house and kids. This isn't the only road to happiness.
posted by amanda at 1:41 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: One can never underestimate the thought process that one goes through in choosing a mate. The very real possibility exists that your being an established careerist and earner played a huge role in your spouse's ability to say (when you were dating), "I love this guy...he's grounded, he has a career, he will be able to support me and a family one day." What I am trying to say is that while it would be nice for her to support you and your endeavors, your new venture might entirely redefine what YOU are to her. Don't take that lightly.
posted by teg4rvn at 1:53 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by teg4rvn at 1:53 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Also, specifically, if you're over 30, you need to read what Anthony Bourdain writes about going into the food business at that age, which he talks about in his new book. You should read that part, at least. I saw it quoted on a blog recently but I can't find it now. That said, you should at least read it in the bookstore. He talks very candidly about what it's like to work in food service once you're over 30 from a physical, day to day work perspective, which may be something you're not considering.
posted by micawber at 4:05 PM on September 29
Bourdain's article is here. And yes, required reading for anyone going into the culinary business at 30+ years of age.
When I read your post, my first thought was that you're significantly increasing your financial risk at a time when your wife's biological clock is ticking down. I don't know if you two have decided to have children or not, but assuming you have, it's no wonder your wife has dug in her heels.
Nthing what others have already said above. If you want to persuade your wife on this, get together a strong business plan and set yourself a financial cap: "I will spend this amount of money and not a penny more to try to achieve my dream. If it doesn't happen within this window, I go back to Corporate America with no complaints."
posted by magstheaxe at 2:15 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by micawber at 4:05 PM on September 29
Bourdain's article is here. And yes, required reading for anyone going into the culinary business at 30+ years of age.
When I read your post, my first thought was that you're significantly increasing your financial risk at a time when your wife's biological clock is ticking down. I don't know if you two have decided to have children or not, but assuming you have, it's no wonder your wife has dug in her heels.
Nthing what others have already said above. If you want to persuade your wife on this, get together a strong business plan and set yourself a financial cap: "I will spend this amount of money and not a penny more to try to achieve my dream. If it doesn't happen within this window, I go back to Corporate America with no complaints."
posted by magstheaxe at 2:15 PM on September 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ha, you could be my husband writing this. Except we have one toddler and about to have baby #2.
I've always been pretty supportive of whatever he wanted to do, and he started in a kitchen with the intention of starting his own place within a few years. It's been a few years, and yeah, the food truck thing is huge and blowing up now, but you do have to really look into it and put together the financials. It's all fun and games looking at trucks and picking menu items, but then you realize the health department limitations are insane (gotta rent kitchen space even if you can make everything in the truck AND it has a 3-bay and handwashing sink AND prove you go every morning and night, and that's just the beginning). We would've blown through every penny of our savings at this point, and my husband is now 32. He eventually ended up with shoulder problems from carrying so much frozen dough, which requires surgery, so that dream's not happening. I kept overlooking all the people I knew in other industries who'd run from the culinary world screaming, and so did my husband. He's still self-employed as a DJ and is a bike flipper as well and that pays our bills, so he's still not working in corporate america.
Your wife might not be OK with raising babies on her own while you work 6-7 days a week, 10-12 hours a day. If you're having kids, that is. But even being on your own that much without your spouse is a real drag.
posted by kpht at 3:46 PM on September 29, 2010
I've always been pretty supportive of whatever he wanted to do, and he started in a kitchen with the intention of starting his own place within a few years. It's been a few years, and yeah, the food truck thing is huge and blowing up now, but you do have to really look into it and put together the financials. It's all fun and games looking at trucks and picking menu items, but then you realize the health department limitations are insane (gotta rent kitchen space even if you can make everything in the truck AND it has a 3-bay and handwashing sink AND prove you go every morning and night, and that's just the beginning). We would've blown through every penny of our savings at this point, and my husband is now 32. He eventually ended up with shoulder problems from carrying so much frozen dough, which requires surgery, so that dream's not happening. I kept overlooking all the people I knew in other industries who'd run from the culinary world screaming, and so did my husband. He's still self-employed as a DJ and is a bike flipper as well and that pays our bills, so he's still not working in corporate america.
Your wife might not be OK with raising babies on her own while you work 6-7 days a week, 10-12 hours a day. If you're having kids, that is. But even being on your own that much without your spouse is a real drag.
posted by kpht at 3:46 PM on September 29, 2010
When you have kids & a house is NOT the time to do it. If anytime is right it's NOW.
This, a thousand time. Once you have kids, they are your priority, not a new business. Do it now.
As far as getting buy-in from your spouse, I'd start with the planning -- do all the legwork, make the business plan, talk to a bank, maybe even line up an investor or two. Show her that this isn't a hobby, but rather that it's something that really matters to you.
Also, depending on your area, you could be getting in on the ground floor of a very promising business. NOW is the time.
Good luck!
Bourdain's article is here. And yes, required reading for anyone going into the culinary business at 30+ years of age.
There is a vast chasm of difference between wanting to run your own food truck and wanting to become a Top Chef. Would you also suggest the Bourdain article for someone who wants to open a coffee shop? Of course not.
posted by coolguymichael at 4:23 PM on September 29, 2010
This, a thousand time. Once you have kids, they are your priority, not a new business. Do it now.
As far as getting buy-in from your spouse, I'd start with the planning -- do all the legwork, make the business plan, talk to a bank, maybe even line up an investor or two. Show her that this isn't a hobby, but rather that it's something that really matters to you.
Also, depending on your area, you could be getting in on the ground floor of a very promising business. NOW is the time.
Good luck!
Bourdain's article is here. And yes, required reading for anyone going into the culinary business at 30+ years of age.
There is a vast chasm of difference between wanting to run your own food truck and wanting to become a Top Chef. Would you also suggest the Bourdain article for someone who wants to open a coffee shop? Of course not.
posted by coolguymichael at 4:23 PM on September 29, 2010
Best answer: Perhaps if you agreed to put a time limit on it? Break even or better within two or three years, solid profit after X plus Y years, no more capital outlay over X dollars?
If it works out, great
If it doesn't work out, one nice thing about America as opposed to some counties I could name, a business failure is not a mark against your resume. Quite the opposite. So worse comes to worst, it is something to point to as a learning experience in case the cubicle gets the last laugh. Or, possibly this gig could lead to something steady pay check with a food bent to it.
But at least you will have had the satisfaction of having tried.
Other talking points - there are no steady jobs any more, and fewer jobs with pensions.
That said, I really sympathize with your wife. It's a scary thing, going entrepreneurial. Especially in this economy.
posted by IndigoJones at 5:02 PM on September 29, 2010
If it works out, great
If it doesn't work out, one nice thing about America as opposed to some counties I could name, a business failure is not a mark against your resume. Quite the opposite. So worse comes to worst, it is something to point to as a learning experience in case the cubicle gets the last laugh. Or, possibly this gig could lead to something steady pay check with a food bent to it.
But at least you will have had the satisfaction of having tried.
Other talking points - there are no steady jobs any more, and fewer jobs with pensions.
That said, I really sympathize with your wife. It's a scary thing, going entrepreneurial. Especially in this economy.
posted by IndigoJones at 5:02 PM on September 29, 2010
(Bourdain is no top chef, by his own admission. For scary goodness, better to watch the episode of No Reservations where he an Eric Ripert go back to being line chefs for a day at age fifty.)
posted by IndigoJones at 5:03 PM on September 29, 2010
posted by IndigoJones at 5:03 PM on September 29, 2010
Wait, you're in Chicago? Are food trucks even legal here? I thought there was a big to-do a couple of weeks ago about a food truck maybe getting a license in Evanston.
posted by sugarfish at 5:32 PM on September 29, 2010
posted by sugarfish at 5:32 PM on September 29, 2010
Her doctor is probably telling her that 35 is the magic age for women, after which fertility noticeably drops and birth defects are more likely. So basically you're saying to her "I have this thing I want to do which can only be done now, which prevents you from doing this thing that you want to do which can also only be done now." I think you will have a very, very hard time convincing her that this is a good idea for her.
posted by anaelith at 11:08 PM on September 29, 2010
posted by anaelith at 11:08 PM on September 29, 2010
I didn't see anyone mention this but... have you considered looking for employment in a kitchen at a restaurant? This could be a middle ground between your wife's desire for stability and your passion. With your limited experience in the culinary world, that may be what's concerning her.
posted by p1nkdaisy at 11:51 PM on September 29, 2010
posted by p1nkdaisy at 11:51 PM on September 29, 2010
Response by poster: Thanks everyone. A few thoughts:
On the relationship:
- Yes absolutely I think the bio clock is a factor. She is talking wee ones next Summer . . obviously steady income would be good.
- I think a time line and budget would help absolutely, good idea.
- The "un-socialness" of service industry jobs is also a factor for sure. The only way it seems to address that is prep for change in lifestyle. . .
On the food truck/restaurant business:
- Fantastic article from the DC scene, wow! Ok if anything has turned me off it's that (politics and powerful interests)
- On Bourdain, I'm 31 so I'm just under his guideline ;) But seriously I've read all his stuff, I have very close friends as professional cooks who have burned out before 30 . . whether it's health, social life or otherwise. I take all his advice in stride, I've worked in failing and successful restaurants. I've seen people go bankrupt, etc. I take all his advice into consideration, even though as coolguy points out, it's not the exact "I want to be a professional cook/open a restaurant" scenario. In fact I think what I want to do is hedging against some of those precautions.
- Yes Chicago has serious restrictions and my plan takes those into account, I realize I need to rent a a kitchen somewhere. Also Evanston has recently ok'd them.
- Yes I'm prepared for this to be my life and I've considered the Winter.
I haven't made a decision yet, but I'll post on here what happens. Thanks everyone, great advice and reading!
posted by patrad at 8:49 AM on September 30, 2010
On the relationship:
- Yes absolutely I think the bio clock is a factor. She is talking wee ones next Summer . . obviously steady income would be good.
- I think a time line and budget would help absolutely, good idea.
- The "un-socialness" of service industry jobs is also a factor for sure. The only way it seems to address that is prep for change in lifestyle. . .
On the food truck/restaurant business:
- Fantastic article from the DC scene, wow! Ok if anything has turned me off it's that (politics and powerful interests)
- On Bourdain, I'm 31 so I'm just under his guideline ;) But seriously I've read all his stuff, I have very close friends as professional cooks who have burned out before 30 . . whether it's health, social life or otherwise. I take all his advice in stride, I've worked in failing and successful restaurants. I've seen people go bankrupt, etc. I take all his advice into consideration, even though as coolguy points out, it's not the exact "I want to be a professional cook/open a restaurant" scenario. In fact I think what I want to do is hedging against some of those precautions.
- Yes Chicago has serious restrictions and my plan takes those into account, I realize I need to rent a a kitchen somewhere. Also Evanston has recently ok'd them.
- Yes I'm prepared for this to be my life and I've considered the Winter.
I haven't made a decision yet, but I'll post on here what happens. Thanks everyone, great advice and reading!
posted by patrad at 8:49 AM on September 30, 2010
obviously steady income would be good.
Not just steady income. If you're gone 16 hours a day when she has an infant it will suck for her.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:09 AM on October 1, 2010
Not just steady income. If you're gone 16 hours a day when she has an infant it will suck for her.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:09 AM on October 1, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Blake at 12:23 PM on September 29, 2010 [2 favorites]