Help me not be the short fat guy in a costume

September 26, 2010 8:54 AM

Help this short, fat guy look attractive in a cost-friendly Halloween costume for an adult themed party.

(asked anonymously due to the nature of the event)

I am going to a sex party. It's not a "come and you're guaranteed to get some" type thing, it starts like any other club, and if people click then they take it upstairs.

But I am shaped like a short Tony Soprano--kind of a big gut, and a bit big in the thighs. I'm morbidly obese, but only by about 40 lbs, and I am working on it... I'm also 5' 5" I have a 46" or 48" waist, and wear a 2XL T-shirt.

Normally at these events I just "dress to impress". An untucked but nice button-down with slacks or jeans helps to hide my worst area.

Well our next party is a Halloween themed party, and I would like to wear a costume. But I'm really stumped. My problems:

* Most of the off-the shelf costumes don't fit me
* Most of the off-the shelf costumes look cheap and terrible
* With my body type I can't pull off most of the costumes... I can't be Michael Myers without being the short, fat Michael Myers. I can't be a Ghostbuster without being the short, fat Ghostbuster. See where this is going? (And I look really terrible in jumpsuits)

So I need ideas for a costume that will be (a) instantly recognizable, (b) help me look the best I can, (c) doesn't break the bank (no custom leather jackets, etc), I'd like to see it no more than $200, and (d) doesn't require a lot of customization or sewing skill (nothing too difficult or more than two hours of labor cutting, sewing, etc).

Any idea Mefites? Or should I just ditch the costume idea and again "dress to impress"?

posted by anonymous to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (39 answers total)

Go as Tony Soprano, obviously. He got laid pretty regularly.
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:01 AM on September 26, 2010 [12 favorites]

Go with what you do best:

Oliver Hardy
Jackie Gleason
Eric Cartman
The Skipper (Gilligan's Island)
Babe Ruth
A Hershey Kiss
posted by lobstah at 9:07 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wrap yourself in tinfoil and go as a baked potato. This worked pretty well for someone I knew with your same shape. It was pretty memorable.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:13 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

Just run with your shape and go all Ali Baba? Costume jewelry is pretty cheap second-hand.
posted by The Whelk at 9:22 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

Carry around a subway sandwich and be "Jared - before." Next year, carry around your large pants, and be "Jared - after."
posted by Threeway Handshake at 9:22 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Babe Ruth is a wonderful idea.
posted by R. Mutt at 9:26 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

I think having a sense of humor and embracing it goes a long way toward upping people's reception of you. I was going to say go as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man (white sweatsuit, some fabric to make the collar, and a white beret, and you can bring a bag of marshmallows with you and give one to everybody. But then I saw lobstah's suggestion of Eric Cartman, and I like that one better. You could also go as Silent Bob/Kevin Smith.
posted by phunniemee at 9:28 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Can you go as a wizard? I have a friend with a similar body type, and he tends to dress as a generic wizard from the Harry Potter universe -- double-breasted suit under a "robe" that he leaves open in the front, shined shoes, fancy hat (usually a bowler or something similar), wand. Sometimes he dresses as Slughorn, with a sash across his chest. Sometimes he's a wizard who works at Wolfram & Hart (the evil/magical lawyers from the Angel universe), so he dresses as a wizard but carries a briefcase and hands people the business cards he printed out that list him as a wizard with the Wolfram & Hart logo.

(Men big in the chest and belly tend to look good in Italian double-breasted suits, so any costume that would put you in one of those -- think Mafia don -- would serve you really well.)
posted by shamash at 9:30 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Santa.
posted by advicepig at 9:31 AM on September 26, 2010 [4 favorites]

Ehh - I would worry that the only really instantly recognizable incarnation of Tony Soprano is in a filthy white bathrobe and slippers. Possibly not the most erotic thing in the world.

A few Hallowe'ens ago, a portly friend of mine wore a Twinkie costume with aviator sunglasses and carried around a couple cans of whipped cream. He looked really awesome.
posted by cranberrymonger at 9:45 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

While I know it isn't original, I would like to state for the record that a properly done toga is a stylin' thing. You need about 8 yards of fabric - a proper toga isn't cheap to put together. On the plus side, you can run the under-tunic through your machine in about 20 minutes and that's all the sewing required. Togaboy for the win - loads of photos of many people in many different toga styles.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:48 AM on September 26, 2010 [6 favorites]

Frank Reynolds?

I really love Oliver Hardy and Babe Ruth, though.
posted by sourwookie at 9:51 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

John Blutarsky from Animal House.
posted by sourwookie at 9:54 AM on September 26, 2010 [4 favorites]

Ron Jeremy!
posted by unannihilated at 10:18 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

A lot of these are great ideas, but I have to vote for the toga if you're going for sexy. Ancient Romans are hawt.
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:36 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yeah I agree with Whelk and CunningLinguist, anything that psychologically associates your size with decadence is going to work out well for you.
posted by hermitosis at 10:38 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

A BDSM daddy?

Gay bear?

There. I said it.
posted by vitabellosi at 10:38 AM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

I think "easily recognizable" is going to be tricky. But, given wanting to look nice, I say, put on the nicest suit/shirt you own, put on a name tag that says something like, "Hello My Name Is ... Tony S" and go as Tony Soprano.

Maybe add a cigar? Didn't Tony smoke?
posted by bluedaisy at 10:44 AM on September 26, 2010

John Belushi in Blues Brothers! You'll look totally sharp. Wear your own suit, or it should be pretty easy to find everything else at a secondhand store.

I think you should aim for a good fedora, not a crappy costume fedora. And maybe carry a microphone (maybe you can find one online that vibrates or something, that'd be funny).

You can buy fake sideburns online, or grow your own. Maybe experiment with attaching the sideburns and some tendrils of Belushi-esque hair to the hat instead of to your skin, so when you take parts of the costume off, you still look good and not all sticky and hot.

Also, can you cock one eyebrow? If not, maybe consider adding a fake brow poking out above one side of your shades.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:45 AM on September 26, 2010 [8 favorites]

Ron Jeremy! False moustache + flesh-dyed undies with a cheesy black wig attached to them and enormous stuffed pantyhose appendage. Top with a silk above-the-knee dressing gown.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 10:47 AM on September 26, 2010

Pan! So easy to do!

If you like this idea and are stumped at how "easy to do" would be achieved, memail me and I'll send the details.
posted by batmonkey at 10:53 AM on September 26, 2010

ooh! or dionysus!
posted by batmonkey at 10:54 AM on September 26, 2010

Dom Deluise in Smokey and The Bandit
posted by Confess, Fletch at 11:05 AM on September 26, 2010

Henry VIII. If you rent the costume it shouldn't be too expensive.
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:06 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is a little out there, but Mexican wrestler? Think Nacho Libre.
posted by Gilbert at 11:51 AM on September 26, 2010

Fred Flinstone!
posted by lemniskate at 11:58 AM on September 26, 2010

From the above, in terms of sexiness, I'll second:
Dionysis
Blues brothers suit/sunglasses/sideburns
BDSM Daddy
Mafia don in a sharp suit

One new suggestion to add to the list:

Cowboy - you can use an untucked flannel shirt like your usual dress-to-impress garb to flatter your body type, and boots and hat and such to make the costume instantly recognizable. Cowboys are hot. I strongly suggest getting some appropriate straw/long grass thing to chew on - it'll draw attention to your face and, well, I've been told it looks surprisingly attractive. Forget cheap costumes - you probably already have jeans and a nice flannel shirt that suits you, so just go out there and get real, nice boots and a hat. And maybe a lasso?
posted by Eshkol at 12:29 PM on September 26, 2010

Peter Griffin of Family Guy. Your body type sounds right and Peter's a really hot guy. :-)
posted by lambchop1 at 1:01 PM on September 26, 2010

I was beaten to suggesting Ron Jeremy, but I will anyhow.
posted by Iteki at 1:26 PM on September 26, 2010

Mexican Wrestler? Everyone expects wrestlers to be stocky, and the mask/trunks/cape combo has a high potential kink appeal. Not terribly expensive either:

http://www.elucha.com/
posted by Scoo at 1:45 PM on September 26, 2010

Winnie the Pooh
Huge Baby

One Halloween a portly gentleman dressed like a gigantic baby, complete with pacifier. He would go up to all the women and cry "MOMMY!!" By the end of the night he was surrounded by a bevy of beautiful women. It was awesome and odd.

Winnie the Pooh, women love Winnie the Pooh. He is cute and portly, you will be loved for your assets.
posted by fifilaru at 1:57 PM on September 26, 2010

N-thing the toga/Roman/Dionysus thing. Not only is it affordable and appropriate but it shouldn't be too hard to take off if need be. :)
posted by vanitas at 2:12 PM on September 26, 2010

toga is good - you could be Nero or dionysus, Blues brothers is also awesome.

Another idea is Satan, but a very suave, subtle one - wear a really good dark suit, get a well-made tail to hang fron the back of your jacket, as well as some realistic small horns peeking out through your hair. Grow a goatee, and makeup your eyebrows a bit pointy and dark. Red shirt, black tie. Suits are flattering, and satan can be a bit of a decadent character, so some extra padding is fine. Also, evil is sexy!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 5:24 PM on September 26, 2010

Pirate costumes are easy to assemble, not particularly spendy, and can look good on most all body types. Pick up a poet's-type shirt and wear it with pantaloons or a pair of black pants you already own and black boots, and accessorize to your heart's content: bandana, eye patch, earring, sword...

Men of all sizes look great in suits, and they're non-costumey and probably more comfortable than most costumey things. Add a hat and/or a proper accessory or two to a snazzy suit and you can be a mobster/gangster, Don Draper, Tony Soprano, a Blues Brother, or the devil.

I like the toga and Pan ideas, too. Both are fitting for a sex party!

Another idea for easy, comfortable, non-costumey, and recognizable: jeans + turtleneck + spectacles = Steve Jobs.
posted by rhiannonstone at 6:41 PM on September 26, 2010

Hedonism Bot!
posted by heeeraldo at 10:27 PM on September 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

How about Bacchus?
posted by Foam Pants at 12:21 AM on September 27, 2010

A monk?
posted by dickasso at 1:23 AM on September 27, 2010

Fat Spiderman!

The above answers are probably better, especially Fred Flintstone and Babe Ruth.
posted by BobbyDigital at 7:53 AM on September 27, 2010

(Will you please let us know what you decide?)
posted by bluedaisy at 9:28 AM on September 27, 2010 [2 favorites]