Not for $1 a page. Tips for writing (NSFW)
September 13, 2010 6:55 PM Subscribe
I want to write an erotic story for my girlfriend. How and where do I start? Has anyone tried this?
I already read a couple of how-tos from Literotica. I feel she might like the reluctance-non-consent genre with a slight bit of BDSM. And I already told her that the characters will be us. I don't have much of a writing background and have never written a short-story before.
I already read a couple of how-tos from Literotica. I feel she might like the reluctance-non-consent genre with a slight bit of BDSM. And I already told her that the characters will be us. I don't have much of a writing background and have never written a short-story before.
digitalprimate is absolutely right: do not make it about you. That won't end well. You'll wind up getting something subtly wrong, or put words in her mouth she'd never say, or "mistreat" her in the story in a way she doesn't really want, and that'll ruin your good efforts. And, especially when you're off in the edgy territory of non-consent, it's possible that you'll just simply scare her.
On the other hand, change the names and decline to describe anybody's innate physical appearance (clothes, ok; boobs, nope), and she can get all hot and bothered over the parts she loves and can ignore the parts she's not quite into.
posted by Netzapper at 7:12 PM on September 13, 2010
On the other hand, change the names and decline to describe anybody's innate physical appearance (clothes, ok; boobs, nope), and she can get all hot and bothered over the parts she loves and can ignore the parts she's not quite into.
posted by Netzapper at 7:12 PM on September 13, 2010
I can't comment on the specifics of erotic storytelling, only the undertaking of creative endeavors in general. The easiest way to get started, is probably just to get started. Sit down at the computer, or with a pen and paper, whichever is most comfortable for you. Then just start writing. Don't worry about where it's going, how it sounds, the details, if it's good or bad, or what she will think of it. Just get started.
For me, I find that once I start the creative process the ideas start flowing. My final result may not be anything like what I started with. I just need to get started to warm up my brain and see where it takes me.
posted by NeonBlueDecember at 7:21 PM on September 13, 2010
For me, I find that once I start the creative process the ideas start flowing. My final result may not be anything like what I started with. I just need to get started to warm up my brain and see where it takes me.
posted by NeonBlueDecember at 7:21 PM on September 13, 2010
Well, it couldn't hurt to read some. I've gone to Literotica.com for about as long as I've been, well, reading that type of thing. Anyway, it might give you a nice place to start.
posted by elder18 at 7:27 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by elder18 at 7:27 PM on September 13, 2010
the above is great advice, and also remember - as a general rule women are not as visually oriented as men. Of course it's important to have who looks like what and who's wearing what (and for what reason) but for women, what's more is the *why* who did what to whom (even when it comes to BDSM) and how it made each person feel both physically and mentally. If you're writing this for your girlfriend keep in mind that what turns you when it comes to erotica on isn't necessarily what will turn her on.
posted by patheral at 7:36 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by patheral at 7:36 PM on September 13, 2010
Have you had phone sex or cybersex with your girlfriend? If yes, that gives you some idea of the tone and vocabulary to set, as in whether it's banging cocks and pussies, or velvet enclosures accepting gentlemen callers.
posted by fatbird at 7:44 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by fatbird at 7:44 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
As someone who has both written stories for/with her partners and received them, I want to disagree with some of the answers above. If there's precedent for the two of you fantasizing together about yourselves (verbally, over IM, whatever), don't feel at all hesitant to use yourselves as characters. I find generic erotica about other people okay-to-good -- while porn written by a sexual partner about us, specifically, is super-sexy. Even if they get some little details wrong, or their writing isn't great, or their vocabulary isn't what I'd have chosen... it's very, very hot to think that *I* was inspiring what I imagine as an arousing experience for the writer/my partner.
And if you think she's into BDSM (and I assume you have a reason to think that beyond wishful thinking), then I'd point out that reading erotic fiction about yourself which makes you a little uncomfortable can be extra bonus sexiness for someone who leans submissive. If your partner is dominant, though (I can't tell from your phrasing), I'm not sure this theory works quite as well!
And lastly, if you're really not sure what kind of language she prefers, try to find an opportunity to experiment -- even if you're trying to keep the story a surprise, there's nothing unusual about a snuggly debate about the relative merits of "cunt" versus "tender lips" or whatever polite euphemism the romance novelist in you (or she) prefers!
posted by obliquicity at 8:11 PM on September 13, 2010
And if you think she's into BDSM (and I assume you have a reason to think that beyond wishful thinking), then I'd point out that reading erotic fiction about yourself which makes you a little uncomfortable can be extra bonus sexiness for someone who leans submissive. If your partner is dominant, though (I can't tell from your phrasing), I'm not sure this theory works quite as well!
And lastly, if you're really not sure what kind of language she prefers, try to find an opportunity to experiment -- even if you're trying to keep the story a surprise, there's nothing unusual about a snuggly debate about the relative merits of "cunt" versus "tender lips" or whatever polite euphemism the romance novelist in you (or she) prefers!
posted by obliquicity at 8:11 PM on September 13, 2010
Try writing a couple of accounts of memorable sexual encounters you have already shared. Focus on remembering as many details as possible. Play around with different writing styles. Those writing exercises should help you get ready to venture into fictional territory.
posted by studioaudience at 8:21 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by studioaudience at 8:21 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
I already told her that the characters will be us.
What was her response? Did she request this and you agreed?
If she had a very positive response, or especially if she requested it, defer to her reaction over the reactions of random internet users.
posted by John Cohen at 8:23 PM on September 13, 2010
What was her response? Did she request this and you agreed?
If she had a very positive response, or especially if she requested it, defer to her reaction over the reactions of random internet users.
posted by John Cohen at 8:23 PM on September 13, 2010
Response by poster:
I already told her that the characters will be us.
What was her response? Did she request this and you agreed?
It was my idea. She did seem enthusiastic but only because we haven't done anything like this yet.
Excellent responses so far. Thank you!
posted by Lucubrator at 8:58 PM on September 13, 2010
I already told her that the characters will be us.
What was her response? Did she request this and you agreed?
It was my idea. She did seem enthusiastic but only because we haven't done anything like this yet.
Excellent responses so far. Thank you!
posted by Lucubrator at 8:58 PM on September 13, 2010
I recommend you start out writing the setup to action, but not the action, if it's going to be about both of you. That greatly reduces the risk that you'll put her in a situation (in the story) she's not comfortable with, or that she wouldn't be interested in doing IRL but would think you wanted her to do.
To give you an idea of what I'm talking about: think of different situations you've been in, with your girlfriend. Think of things she's actually said that were flirty, or otherwise left a positive impression. Now, create a new fictional situation that exists as a pastiche of those actual experiences, and put things in her mouth that she's actually said, or that you can reasonably extrapolate. This way, her own character will ring true to her, if you write it well and accurately.
Also, make it from your perspective, when you first met her. So you're marveling at your interactions with her as if they were the first interactions you'd ever had, even if the storyline is drawn from experiences you shared over months or years together. In this way, you communicate "your" enthusiasm and excitement to be with "her", in a situation that still resonates as true and comfortable and intimate.
In the story, your character should have an internal dialog about his desires, his hopes, his anticipation -- but not hers. Make it a story that tells her things about you, rather than projecting things onto her. This way, even if she doesn't like something she reads, it'll be something about how you view/express yourself (which is less potentially offensive than it being something you've projected onto her character.)
Finally, end the story before something substantial happens. A kiss? Sure. An agreement to run off to some romantic place? Why not? But don't actually get there, and don't start the hardcore action. Let it be about anticipation and desire and longing, not about any particular sexual act or acts. Use it as a means of getting her to think about future activities -- which she'll invent in her own head, and so will fully support -- versus reading descriptions of things that she might enjoy in real life but that (in her head) don't quite jibe with what's on the page.
So, here's an example outline:
Guy is at an airport, waiting to meet girl, who's a friend he's doing a favor for in picking up girl. Upon meeting girl, guy is surprised to find himself drawn to her. As they speak, as he watches her pick up luggage (then belatedly remembers to offer to help), as they try to find their way to the parking lot, there's flirting between them and desire expressed internally by him. Finally, they find the car and it's time to take her to her hotel...and she tells him she doesn't have a room yet, and perhaps she could just stay at his place.
(mind you, I just pulled that out of my ass, but you should find a basic storyline like that which can be reasonably constructed from real examples and things she's said and feelings you've had.)
posted by davejay at 9:23 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
To give you an idea of what I'm talking about: think of different situations you've been in, with your girlfriend. Think of things she's actually said that were flirty, or otherwise left a positive impression. Now, create a new fictional situation that exists as a pastiche of those actual experiences, and put things in her mouth that she's actually said, or that you can reasonably extrapolate. This way, her own character will ring true to her, if you write it well and accurately.
Also, make it from your perspective, when you first met her. So you're marveling at your interactions with her as if they were the first interactions you'd ever had, even if the storyline is drawn from experiences you shared over months or years together. In this way, you communicate "your" enthusiasm and excitement to be with "her", in a situation that still resonates as true and comfortable and intimate.
In the story, your character should have an internal dialog about his desires, his hopes, his anticipation -- but not hers. Make it a story that tells her things about you, rather than projecting things onto her. This way, even if she doesn't like something she reads, it'll be something about how you view/express yourself (which is less potentially offensive than it being something you've projected onto her character.)
Finally, end the story before something substantial happens. A kiss? Sure. An agreement to run off to some romantic place? Why not? But don't actually get there, and don't start the hardcore action. Let it be about anticipation and desire and longing, not about any particular sexual act or acts. Use it as a means of getting her to think about future activities -- which she'll invent in her own head, and so will fully support -- versus reading descriptions of things that she might enjoy in real life but that (in her head) don't quite jibe with what's on the page.
So, here's an example outline:
Guy is at an airport, waiting to meet girl, who's a friend he's doing a favor for in picking up girl. Upon meeting girl, guy is surprised to find himself drawn to her. As they speak, as he watches her pick up luggage (then belatedly remembers to offer to help), as they try to find their way to the parking lot, there's flirting between them and desire expressed internally by him. Finally, they find the car and it's time to take her to her hotel...and she tells him she doesn't have a room yet, and perhaps she could just stay at his place.
(mind you, I just pulled that out of my ass, but you should find a basic storyline like that which can be reasonably constructed from real examples and things she's said and feelings you've had.)
posted by davejay at 9:23 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
It can be you two without it being about Lucubrator and Girlfriend. Vague it up, make it he and she, use a version of yourselves. Hotter AND less embarrassing.
Easily Aroused (especially his earlier stuff, check the archives) is pretty freaking great at being personal and yet distanced enough to let anyone read themselves into his stuff.
posted by desuetude at 9:52 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
Easily Aroused (especially his earlier stuff, check the archives) is pretty freaking great at being personal and yet distanced enough to let anyone read themselves into his stuff.
posted by desuetude at 9:52 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Hi, I'm a published erotica author, former staff writer for custom erotica source.com, and I've written erotica for my partner and myself. I think I might have a few tips for you.
First, it is absolutely okay to make this specifically about the two of you! What you do NOT want to do is to inadvertently turn this sexy-time story into a Manifesto on Proper Girlfriend Sexual Technique. That's where it can go wrong.
Ideally, then, you should begin with your focus on your own feelings when you are with her in this fictional scenario: How sexy she is, how lovely she looks, how just seeing her nude, or watching her move across a room or put on the leather and latex, whatever it is, turns you on.
Next, you'll want to progress to what you would like to do to her as a result. Non-consensual consent, I should warn you, is very tricky. Many, many women fantasize about being coerced or restrained or forced in some way, but that's their fantasy, and even though it seems as if they have no control, they control the fantasy. So nothing really happens in their famtasy that throws them off-balance or out of their personal comfort zone.
Now, your girlfriend may very well have a fantasy of you overpowering her, but if you write in any kind of physical force that is an actual trigger for her, it could blow up in a big way.
So I would really recommend that for this first attempt, your story focuses more on you simply being the sexual aggressor with her as willing submissive, eagerly accepting the lavish attention you give her. Whether you are tonguing your way up her body or dripping warm wax onto her skin or just caressing her while the two of you kiss, you want to start out loose and free and then draw the narrative in tighter and tighter, adding in layers of description and drawing in all the senses so that the further the action goes, the closer you come to the culmination, the slower your pace becomes, building up the sexual tension with exquisite detail. By the time the story ends she should be clawing her clothes off in anticipation and ready to jump you right then and there.
I don't want to embarrass you, but "write until you cum" is an accepted mantra for erotica.
And if you plan to be there while she reads this, you might want to stop just short of that final release for the fictional her you have created, so that the two of you can create your own real-life ending to this adventure. ;)
posted by misha at 10:19 AM on September 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
First, it is absolutely okay to make this specifically about the two of you! What you do NOT want to do is to inadvertently turn this sexy-time story into a Manifesto on Proper Girlfriend Sexual Technique. That's where it can go wrong.
Ideally, then, you should begin with your focus on your own feelings when you are with her in this fictional scenario: How sexy she is, how lovely she looks, how just seeing her nude, or watching her move across a room or put on the leather and latex, whatever it is, turns you on.
Next, you'll want to progress to what you would like to do to her as a result. Non-consensual consent, I should warn you, is very tricky. Many, many women fantasize about being coerced or restrained or forced in some way, but that's their fantasy, and even though it seems as if they have no control, they control the fantasy. So nothing really happens in their famtasy that throws them off-balance or out of their personal comfort zone.
Now, your girlfriend may very well have a fantasy of you overpowering her, but if you write in any kind of physical force that is an actual trigger for her, it could blow up in a big way.
So I would really recommend that for this first attempt, your story focuses more on you simply being the sexual aggressor with her as willing submissive, eagerly accepting the lavish attention you give her. Whether you are tonguing your way up her body or dripping warm wax onto her skin or just caressing her while the two of you kiss, you want to start out loose and free and then draw the narrative in tighter and tighter, adding in layers of description and drawing in all the senses so that the further the action goes, the closer you come to the culmination, the slower your pace becomes, building up the sexual tension with exquisite detail. By the time the story ends she should be clawing her clothes off in anticipation and ready to jump you right then and there.
I don't want to embarrass you, but "write until you cum" is an accepted mantra for erotica.
And if you plan to be there while she reads this, you might want to stop just short of that final release for the fictional her you have created, so that the two of you can create your own real-life ending to this adventure. ;)
posted by misha at 10:19 AM on September 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Steve Almond's essay How to Write Sex Scenes may give you some ideas. And even if it doesn't, it will make you laugh, which never hurts.
Example: Step 1
Never compare a woman's nipples to:
a) Cherries
b) Cherry pits
c) Pencil erasers
d) Frankenstein's bolts
P.S. All of the suggestions above are excellent -- esp. Misha's next-to-last paragraph ...
posted by virago at 12:35 PM on September 14, 2010
Example: Step 1
Never compare a woman's nipples to:
a) Cherries
b) Cherry pits
c) Pencil erasers
d) Frankenstein's bolts
P.S. All of the suggestions above are excellent -- esp. Misha's next-to-last paragraph ...
posted by virago at 12:35 PM on September 14, 2010
Response by poster: That was just absolutely awesome.
Thank you all.
posted by Lucubrator at 7:03 PM on September 14, 2010
Thank you all.
posted by Lucubrator at 7:03 PM on September 14, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
I also made it about it us. Probably it should have been about someone she wanted to be for a very short, imaginary period of time rather than the actual her, and I sure as hell shouldn't have been me in the story! Also, there's a certain unspoken insinuation that whatever you're writing about may be, possibly, some variant of something you'd like in real life, and that you're using this story to communicate that to her rather than just get her naughty bits all tingly.
There's an inherent pressure on her to appreciate both your art an effort, so don't be a shumck like me and ask her how she liked it as soon as she reads it. If she liked it, she'll let you know somehow, but that somehow might not be right away. Don't ask her to read it while you're anywhere around!
In general, the situation is more important than the action. In fact, you can write a very erotic story with no "action" at all!
Details matter, like what people are wearing, what they smell like, what, more important than any character's internal dialogue or feeling about the situation; in fact the latter is asking for trouble.
But the best advice I can give you is the classic writing advice: write several drafts, never let anyone ever see the first one, and if at all possible write two or three stories before you select the best one to give her.
posted by digitalprimate at 7:05 PM on September 13, 2010 [1 favorite]