Help me help her.
September 8, 2010 7:46 AM Subscribe
Need books about love for sensitive 5 year old.
My daughter is five and is sensitive to any perceived negativity from myself or my husband. If we have to give her a time out or otherwise reprimand her for unacceptable behaviors, she gets quite bent out of shape and informs us that we don't like her anymore. We've tried 1) reassuring her that of course we like her, we LOVE her, and nothing she does will change that; 2) telling her that since it's not true, we're not discussing it anymore; 3) ignoring the statements entirely. Perhaps we should just pick one of the above to be consistent. But I digress...
Recently after one of these statements from her, I had the thought to tell her how powerful love is, that it's stronger than any disagreement or conflict we might have, and this really seemed to hit home with her. But I don't think we're out of the woods yet. So, I would love to find some simple children's book about this - something about how conflicts happen, but parents still love their children, love is a strong, powerful force, not to be broken, etc. Does anyone have any recommendations to offer? Thanks so much!
My daughter is five and is sensitive to any perceived negativity from myself or my husband. If we have to give her a time out or otherwise reprimand her for unacceptable behaviors, she gets quite bent out of shape and informs us that we don't like her anymore. We've tried 1) reassuring her that of course we like her, we LOVE her, and nothing she does will change that; 2) telling her that since it's not true, we're not discussing it anymore; 3) ignoring the statements entirely. Perhaps we should just pick one of the above to be consistent. But I digress...
Recently after one of these statements from her, I had the thought to tell her how powerful love is, that it's stronger than any disagreement or conflict we might have, and this really seemed to hit home with her. But I don't think we're out of the woods yet. So, I would love to find some simple children's book about this - something about how conflicts happen, but parents still love their children, love is a strong, powerful force, not to be broken, etc. Does anyone have any recommendations to offer? Thanks so much!
I remember Guess How Much I Love You having a placating effect for my younger siblings, when they had similar worries. It's not about conflict but is about trying to come up with measurements for love and having them always fall short of how big it really is.
posted by bewilderbeast at 7:56 AM on September 8, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by bewilderbeast at 7:56 AM on September 8, 2010 [2 favorites]
You might try "No, David!" and "Harriet, You'll Drive Me Wild!" which are both about naughty children who get in trouble and/or are punished by parents who still love them.
posted by Saminal at 8:02 AM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Saminal at 8:02 AM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
With due respect to keener_sounds, ymmv on Love You Forever. Read it before buying it--I think it gets kinda creepy at the end.
posted by umbú at 8:10 AM on September 8, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by umbú at 8:10 AM on September 8, 2010 [3 favorites]
Madeleine L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time is maybe aimed a little older than you're looking at, but if she's still a little unsure in a year or two, that might be a good one to read to her. (The climax of the book is the heroine realizing that she can beat an all-powerful creature because she loves her little brother, and love is the one thing she has that this creature doesn't.) FWIW, my mother first read it to me when I was about six, and although a little of the more time-traveling stuff went over my head, I loved and still love it.
posted by kalimac at 8:36 AM on September 8, 2010
posted by kalimac at 8:36 AM on September 8, 2010
With due respect to keener_sounds, ymmv on Love You Forever. Read it before buying it--I think it gets kinda creepy at the end.
I totally know what you mean and should have mentioned this. there is definitely a whiff of mortality in the life cycle here and a potentially disconcerting reversal of roles. To us, it seemed to be done with humor but yeah, OP, do read it first to see how your sensitive kid might respond.
posted by keener_sounds at 8:38 AM on September 8, 2010
I totally know what you mean and should have mentioned this. there is definitely a whiff of mortality in the life cycle here and a potentially disconcerting reversal of roles. To us, it seemed to be done with humor but yeah, OP, do read it first to see how your sensitive kid might respond.
posted by keener_sounds at 8:38 AM on September 8, 2010
Best answer: Mama, Do You Love Me? by Barbara M. Joose.
posted by Jeanne at 8:41 AM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jeanne at 8:41 AM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
I love Where the Wild Things Are for this very reason. Max is naughty, gets sent to his room without dinner, and has a fantasy about being wild and aggressive and in charge because he is angry (your daughter should be able to relate). But when he calms down and starts feeling a little lonely, he realizes that his mother has brought his dinner up to him (and it is still hot!). You could have a discussion about how love is not just spoken, but also shown by quiet actions and deeds. At the end Max still feels loved and taken care of.
posted by yawper at 9:52 AM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by yawper at 9:52 AM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: The I LOVE YOU Book by Todd Parr is great. (Actually, all his books are great.) It may be a bit 'young' for a 5 year-old, but our 4 year-olds love it and seem to have internalized this book to really understand that we will always love them, even when they do undesirable things.
Good luck - it's definitely challenging when they equate discipline with lack of love, but I think consistency is the key.
posted by widdershins at 10:43 AM on September 8, 2010
Good luck - it's definitely challenging when they equate discipline with lack of love, but I think consistency is the key.
posted by widdershins at 10:43 AM on September 8, 2010
Best answer: I came in here to recommend "Love You Forever" as well. Gotta say, I don't see the creepiness.
My other suggestion is "Someday" by Alison McGhee. Truly lovely.
posted by jbickers at 11:38 AM on September 8, 2010
My other suggestion is "Someday" by Alison McGhee. Truly lovely.
posted by jbickers at 11:38 AM on September 8, 2010
I like the "Runaway Bunny" by Margaret Wise Brown for this. Targeted towards a younger age group than your daughter, but very apropos. Its about a mother bunny's enduring love for her little bunny.
posted by zia at 1:23 PM on September 8, 2010
posted by zia at 1:23 PM on September 8, 2010
Response by poster: Thank you thank you thank you! These all look like great suggestions! I can't wait to start looking them up. You all rock!
posted by kirst27 at 2:08 PM on September 8, 2010
posted by kirst27 at 2:08 PM on September 8, 2010
I just read Love You Forever. I think the mortality angle was sweet -- but man, when she drives across town, opens his bedroom window, and CRAWLS ACROSS THE FLOOR to pick him up -- sooo creepy. I would not present that image to a five year old.
Go with the big and small nut brown hares.
posted by freshwater at 2:40 PM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
Go with the big and small nut brown hares.
posted by freshwater at 2:40 PM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
Someday, Written by Alison McGhee, Illustrated by Peter H. Reynolds I have not met a single adult, including my father-in-law who was not weeping at the beauty of this book. It can be enjoyed by the family now, and if you dedicate the book to her, give it as a cherished keepsake, her understanding of the book will grow as she does. This book is precious.
posted by swimbikerun at 9:24 PM on September 8, 2010
posted by swimbikerun at 9:24 PM on September 8, 2010
This may be slightly off what you're looking for, but my friend reads Green Eggs and Ham to his kid. When the kid is being stubborn, my friend gently says, "I could not, would not, in a house. I would not, could not, with a mouse." The kid stops for a moment to think about what his father is saying, and then cracks up when he remembers the book. Green Eggs and Ham teaches kids that it's okay to change your mind about being stubborn.
The Velveteen Rabbit might be a little too heavy, but the rabbit does come to life because the little boy loves him so much.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:36 PM on September 9, 2010
The Velveteen Rabbit might be a little too heavy, but the rabbit does come to life because the little boy loves him so much.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:36 PM on September 9, 2010
I Love You the Purplest is actually written to deal with sibling rivalry, but does a good job of explaining that while your parents will always love you, the ways they express that love are linked to your behaviour.
fwiw, my parents always handled this by keeping Love and Like as separate concepts. "Of course I love you, but when you behave like this, I don't like you."
posted by the latin mouse at 2:14 AM on September 11, 2010
fwiw, my parents always handled this by keeping Love and Like as separate concepts. "Of course I love you, but when you behave like this, I don't like you."
posted by the latin mouse at 2:14 AM on September 11, 2010
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by Robert Munsch.
The story is simple but moving and funny as well. Basically the kid gets into all kinds of mischief but the mother always "loves him forever"; there is a sweet, poignant life-cycle storyline that re-inforces the sentiment in different contexts. And there is a repeating stanza you can make into a little song. I thought it looked like might be too sappy before I opened it, but it's a good book, and seems to fit what you're looking for perfectly.
posted by keener_sounds at 7:56 AM on September 8, 2010 [5 favorites]