Dating someone you work with/working with someone you're dating

September 7, 2010 8:10 PM

How do I try and pursue a relationship both creatively and romantically?

Hello!

I recently collaborated with someone on an artistic project and it went really well. we're talking about doing something ongoing, and I'm super pumped about the idea, but I also, somewhat complicatedly, think he is a total dreamboat and want to go on dates with him. I don't really get ongoing crushes often so am trying not to a)move super fast b)act like a lunatic, plus I really want to work with him again, so I haven't asked him out or really even flirted at all, but I can't deny that I'm definitely interested.
he's acted like he could be interested also, but it is hard to tell: I am putting the brakes on being flirtatious so much that it oddly makes it hard to read. I'm usually pretty obvious, I find it's easier to read people when you put all the cards on the table.

how do I foster this particular kind of double-sided relationship? where do I start? should I be forward in my feelings right off the bat lest he think I am not interested, or should I let the creative relationship develop first in case I ask him out, he's not interested/it doesn't work, then it is awkward?

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (3 answers total)

Speaking from experience, a creative connection with good synergy is rarer in my life than crushes are. I had great creative collaboration with a friend once which I ultimately ruined because of my unreciprocated romantic interest. Years later, after all life has taught me, what I most miss is the unique creative quality that friendship had. There have been other fish in the sea. So, my vote is for working together first, romantic stuff later. This has the added benefit of putting the brakes on your crush for a while, during which time you might discover he hates cats or is into nude bicycling or has mommy issues or whatever. OR he just might discover your good qualities. It's a great excuse to spend more time together.
posted by Nixy at 1:07 AM on September 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

on the other hand, being able to do creative things together can really energise a realtionship. My boyfriend and I work together a lot (as in soon-to-be-starting-our-own-company a lot) and being able to share ideas like that is really awesome. It is risky, but can be worth the effort.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:34 AM on September 8, 2010

I wouldn't foster a double sided relationship at all. This is crude, but don't sh*t where you eat. Meaning, work/creative+romance overlaps are rarely good. However, if this feels like a one in a million deal, proceed with caution and don't get enmeshed. It does work for some people, but I'd say more often than not mixing these categories is difficult.
posted by ShadePlant at 10:13 AM on September 8, 2010